ISSUE3•JUNE 2019
howl
THROUGH THE CRACKED WINDOW POETRY BY LIKA TANAKA PHOTO BY BRANDON COLEMAN I rush through the alley, heart racing with abdominal pain and fatigue. My heartbeat pollutes my ears isolating every noise, but the sound of footsteps and a heartbeat. Green drapes ruffle in the wind, held down only by its brown roots. Non refurbished rooftop, red bricks, reminiscent of a summer day, The sky catches a glimpse of herself as she passes the rooftop after a rainy morning.
The dust in the air bathes in the slivers of sunlight, lethargic in how they dance around the empty building. Waves of hunched over wallpaper barely hanging onto the walls and ripped open infrastructure exposing the building's flesh and bones Stale gritty air, reminding the building of its past memories which still seemed to linger within the brick perimeter. Non refurbished rooftop, Red bricks, stained carpet,
Footsteps getting closer, he’s catching up to me now, I don’t bother shooting a glance for losing even a second could result in... I don’t know. I approach an abandoned building, a hole for an entrance and I’m in.
Stale air now tinged with a metallic scent Wind travels through the broken window and the hinges on a wooden door creeks swaying back and forth.
DOMINO SOCIETY POEM BY MATTHEW LIPINSKI. PHOTO BY SOPHIA PRANTSEVICH
We all fall like dominoes in a line being knocked down and can’t get out. Can't get out of our head, this repeating rhyme makes us want to die in these black and white times. If I'm gonna fall I'll take you down with me, maybe we can both see the problem in the domino society.
UNNOTICEABLE POEM BY FAITH PETERSON. PHOTO BY COLTEN HANSEN I walk these halls as if I was The only one walking.
I stutter when we talk, I get shy and then it ends.
All except one person, My savior.
Slowly you start to fade as Our conversation does the same
I am a ghost. You can hear me, You can feel my presence, but You will never see me.
Two words, only two words a day
When I see you though, Something changes
Now you pass me in the hallway And not even a word is said. All you have to do is turn around, Turn around and I promise to be Your savior too.
HOUSE POEM BY JAZMIN RODRIGUEZ PHOTO BY KIANA WILSON Today my mind is at ease, With my bare feet touching the cold hard wooden cinnamon floor, the cold morning from the open window fills my bedroom with cold air and droplets of rain stain my windowsill, The old busted record player on repeat, I walk down the hallway painted in Carolina blue, While my knees clank like silver spoons, With my cracked lips, repaired with old fabric found in the attic, Next to the box filled with broken toys and old cassette tapes, The old rustic picture frames hanging upon nails, Under the old family photo, Engraved in the walls are my stories, Thin and untouched, You don’t know about the fights and who I like, You don’t know that every night the screams sound like gunfire in my head but no one else gets wounded, Except me,
With Pareidolia standing tall over my shoulder, Or that if my house could talk, It could tell you about my despair and fairy tales, Or that my wounds on my skin give me reasons to stay awake, I stay awake with paranoia holding my hand till, Insomnia sweeps me up in his arms and I walk over a lake filled with joy that I can’t baptize myself in, So when I tell you I’m tired, i’m really sick of crying, The bells from the church no longer linger in the air, I can't be happy because that feeling turns into guilt and that guilt is from my Forgotten mistakes, Sometimes when I walk into the bathroom I turn on the hot water from the shower till the mirror is fogged up just so I can draw a smile, People call me a genius and that I have talent, Yet look at me as a disillusionment, They say I’m decaying to the core like of an apple, That I’m wasting my time complaining yet the words smell like an aroma that can last for days, overwhelmed in my nose like bleach, They say happiness is a choice yet the taste seems bitter,
HOUSE CONT.
Today my mind is at ease, With my bare feet touching the cold hard wooden cinnamon floor, the cold morning from the open window fills my bedroom with cold air and droplets of rain stain my windowsill, The old busted record player on repeat, I walk down the hallway painted in Carolina blue, While my knees clank like silver spoons, With my cracked lips, repaired with old fabric found in the attic, Next to the box filled with broken toys and old cassette tapes, The old rustic picture frames hanging upon nails, Under the old family photo, Engraved in the walls are my stories, Thin and untouched, You don’t know about the fights and who I like, You don’t know that every night the screams sound like gunfire in my head but no one else gets wounded, Except me,
Paranoia, Depression and insomnia keep me from doing exciting things at my age, But where did anxiety come from, It came from the closet with my trauma, Where the man with the black hat and cloak hide, Where the man with the green shape shifting masks bangs on the window, I grab the milk and honey, The burnt crisp toast, And the butter knife, I sit on the luscious carpet with it’s soft fur spiraling around my feet, I say good morning, All while the world continues to revolve around me, I chuckle knowing that, No one knows, , Except this house and me.
-Jazmin Rodriguez
FREEDOM POEM BY ASHLYN AIKIN PHOTO BY DANIEL ALMASSEN
We were born to be free But we have been restrained by the word “Money” That word can make or break your life. The rarities of happiness and freedom. Instead we are put into a lifestyle of tests, Passes, and fails.
The most beautiful thing in life is the one were you can dive into that water And never come back. The feeling of the water on your hands, and the sound of the ocean calling for you.
CRUSHED POEM BY KATERINA RYAN PHOTO BY HAYDIN RILLING Chasing my thoughts all night: Your dark brown eyes have me in a daze, your soft hands when you grab my hand to hold, you took my heart from me, held it, loved it, laughed with it, owned it.
She came and caught your attention with money and her perfect smile. I gave you my all: my attention, my love. I loved you more than I love myself. I loved you more than the distance from the earth to the moon, but you: Crushed my heart.
STEPS TO LIVING AN ORDINARY LIFE POEM BY HANNAH MCBRIDE PHOTOS BY DEVEN CLEVIDENCE
Step 1: Pull up the hood to hide your face, plug in the earbuds to block out the noise. Nobody needs to look at you, nobody needs to talk to you. Somewhere in your head says it’d be nice but the fear is too strong. Step 2: Stare blankly at the clock, watch in mournful silence as the hands tick by. The time is painful, draining away your composure. Everything seems painfully slow. Step 3: Looking down you try to work but before there’s anything written, the bell rings. Productivity doesn’t seem to be in your mind’s best interest. Step 4: Swing the bag over your shoulder, like everyone else you walk out. Bodily contact is something unwanted and yearned for at the same time.
STEPS TO LIVING AN ORDINARY LIFE CONT.
Step 5: There are too many people, too many faces. Shoulder the bag again while you feel selfconscious. Everyone seems to glance at you as you walk by and it burns like hot irons. It’s like they know you’re avoiding the help, making you feel guilty. Step 6: Smile at your friends because they need to believe the illusion that you’re okay for right now. This isn’t a place to open up, people will listen in and expose you. Sure you could see someone about it, but that’s so much effort. Step 7: Feeling lonely and unwanted isn’t unusual. You’re the emo kid and as such you’re expected to just deal with it. They don’t know it still hurts. Therapy seems so out of reach and bothersome. Step 8: Listen and nod your head as everyone vents to you, start no tea, throw no shade and you’ll be fine. But what about being helped? Nobody ever listens to you.
STEPS TO LIVING AN ORDINARY LIFE CONT.
Step 9: Go home and sit in the dark, there’s no more energy inside. It’s all been used to hide your emotions of feeling ignored. Spend restless nights awake in more pain, just to meet the slow rising sun. Step 10: Look outside and listen to the wind. Everything’s not so bad, just a single frame of time in a single part of life. Sleep now and let anxiety be at rest, find your little point of light in the darkness. Step 11: Repeat the process in a never ending cycle, because this is your life and you don’t quite know how to change it.
Brown Eyes You hated your eye color Called it a dull dirty brown You wished for the deep blue Jamaican ocean Where admirers hearts would drown And it pained me when I realized you’d never see it like I do They hold aspects of stolen sun light That you would miss with just one glance.
-Andre Cowley Photo by Aida Jackson
Unknown My ground is bruised and used, Soft or dry, Pin needles or knifes, My rough bark and tough edges interpret my stories, My roots hugging our mother, The earth, The red cardinal lives here so does the owl with the busted wing, Now the rivers are my veins, And the Mountains are my brothers, The wind is my spirit, I’m the unknown, But I am everything you see, And hear.
- Jazmin Rodriguez M.
Society A society, Bashed by hatred, Carried on my shoulders, Degrading my self esteem and our, Educational system still staying the same, Foolish to think I Would pass and our, Global nation is just a fish bowl without water, Hoping that you would hear me, I hate knowing that I’m a pin needle and everyone around me are balloons, Just kidding we hide the truth so when people speak out the hate gets redirected, Killing spree is what we cover but when you, Lift up your head the world is on fire, Money in the eyes, ears and mouth of others but I, Never believe in it but maybe I will pray, Or will the devil take me, Printing barcodes on our skin, Quitting is a sign of weakness, Rumble the ground to terrorize people and using others as symbols of war,
Society cont. She was beautiful but not like the girls in the magazines, The bridges were always there, ‘till a little blue bird set them on fire, Unified as one, Victory became cheat codes, We blame society, when we make up society, X-rays are a waste, why look at through us when we are just a washed up generation When you take a glance, Young and foolish, Zzzzzzzz …Hello how may we help ...This is the help we get. - Jazmin Rodriguez M.
Bloom
We bloom together, yet you are a Daisy and I am a mere dandelion. You insist that I do not plague you, and some days I believe you. On those days, the world is bright and beautiful. Just like you. You emit the light of many suns, despite growing from darkness. You compel me to stretch and tangle towards the luminescence.
Your eyes glow copper in the sunlight, and I can see your love for me swell I didn’t know a flower could love a weed.
-McKayla Kemrer
The New Hell  I remember the time we thought we were all fine. Before the bomb shells drop out of mouths And the streets filled with concrete that covers my forest. Where I bloom memories but smog is filling my brain and my veins spit flames the burning sensation we call love, is pain.
-Matthew Lipinski
Industrial Revolution  We break away the skin to find the holy blood he hides. The pressured coils he keeps from us in hopes that we don't find. For this coils will keep him alive but the smoke and fog it causes him to die. The smell of greed reek the streets forcing our horses to subside and the metal boxes will rise racing in the night From black men to black metals we trust to make our kettles, Just so we can increase our sales. And from this we changed the world for life.
-Matthew Lipinski
Anxiety & Depression
By Sara Victoria
Anxiety feels like your are feeling light-headed or dizzy, headaches, backache or other aches and pains, problems sleeping, nausea, and panic attacks. Effects on your mind are feeling tense, nervous or unable to relax, having a sense of dread, or fearing the worst, feeling like other people can see you're anxious and are looking at you, worrying about anxiety itself, for example worrying about when panic attacks might happen, wanting lots of reassurance from other people or worrying that people are angry or upset with you, rumination – thinking a lot about bad experiences, or thinking over a situation again and again. Depression feels like there's no pleasure or joy in life, concentration or focus becomes harder, everything feels hopeless, self-esteem is often absent, sleeping may be problematic, energy levels are low to nonexistent, food may not seem appetizing, food also may be used as a comfort or coping tool.
A way to get rid of anxiety is to exercise may help with anxiety. From a study from 2016, suggest that exercise can benefit people with anxiety. Meditation can help to slow racing thoughts, making it easier to manage stress and anxiety. A wide range of meditation styles, including mindfulness and meditation during yoga, may help. Writing is a way to express anxiety can make it feel more manageable. Some research suggests that journaling and other forms of writing can help people to cope better with anxiety. Aromatherapy is Smelling soothing plant oils can help to ease stress and anxiety. Certain scents work better for some people than others, so consider experimenting with various options. For herbal teas Some people find the process of making and drinking tea soothing, but some teas may have a more direct effect on the brain that results in reduced anxiety. And time with animals offer companionship, love, and support. Research published in 2018 confirmed that pets can be beneficial to people with a variety of mental health issues, including anxiety.Â
Ways to treat depression is starting to get into a Routine. Depression takes away the structure from your life. One day melts into the next. Setting a gentle daily schedule can help you get back on track. Set goals, when you're depressed, you may feel like you can't accomplish anything. That makes you feel worse about yourself. To push back, set daily goals for yourself. Exercising temporarily boosts feel-good chemicals called endorphins. It may also have long-term benefits for people with depression. Regular exercise seems to encourage the brain to rewire itself in positive ways. Eat healthy, depression tends to make you overeat, getting in control of your eating will help you feel better. And getting enough sleep, depression can make it hard to get enough shut-eye, and too little sleep can make depression worse. Start by making some changes to your lifestyle. Go to bed and get up at the same time every day. Try not to nap. Take all the distractions out of your bedroom, no computer and no TV.
FILM FEST WORDS & PHOTOS BYÂ DANNY GARRISON
There is something about film that is really just world changing, something that makes you stop thinking about your life and puts you into the shoes of a new world. It's an unspoken message in film that everyone can relate with. I have grown up with a love for movies and it really has shaped me as a person and has pushed me to new milestones in my life. It started from me just using my Dad’s laptop and I would film little skits with friends and post them online and now its led me to creating my very own film festival. Two years ago, me and my dad started brainstorming about this idea of a film festival that we could show at Heritage and little did we know how big this would grow to be. We had no idea this would end up as a Film Festival at a historic theater with over 100 submissions, over 100 in attendance, and with 200 dollars to two different winners. It is so exciting and crazy how successful this was for a first time festival and how I plan to keep it growing bigger and bigger. And with my mind throwing ideas out there, I can only imagine it is all uphill from here.
I was not the only person working on this (besides my dad). A partner from VSAA joined me in making this the best it can. With the connections to schools we made, we were able to get different films from different schools. I was shocked seeing some schools enter that I would never expect. When watching one of the films at the festival, I realized that one of my good friends was in it and I did not notice till the actual film festival. It made me really happy because I realized that I was reaching kids that I wouldn’t expect to submit. The film fest is at the historic Kiggins theater, and I couldn’t ask for a better place to show these films. I am the host of it all as well as my partner, and it can be pretty nerve racking! In front of a large crowd all paying attention to YOU, and since I was one of the creators...it holds more weight! Putting together a script and getting awards ready for the winners is a time consuming activity and it takes more than me to finish. For the winners of the awards we had, we were able to get some filmmakers that could judge the films and give us their own opinions so we could have a fair winner for each award.
This film festival was all for the students who want to see their film on the big screen, which is hard for people as young as us. Giving the award to the middle school best picture winning was extremely heart warming since he was so nervous but you could tell he was shaken up from excitement by winning a film festival and also getting 200 dollars! Things like that motivate me to keep it going and more importantly, keep it growing. Every year, I learn more and more about what I could do better and I know that NEXT year, I can do something that will excite the film maker community!
ACCESSIBLE ROOFTOPS WORDS & PHOTOS BYÂ AVNEET DHALIWAL
There is nothing that quite matches the feeling of travelling to a foreign country. Being enveloped by a cultural atmosphere different from the typical American environment inspires newfound wonder and creativity. To me, experiencing other cultures and learning about other countries is vital to developing global skills and furthering personal knowledge. Last winter, I went to visit India for two weeks, however not for the first time. Given the fact that India is rich in history, customs, and architecture, it was a place that I really enjoyed travelling to. It was interesting to compare my old memories of places with what it had become, contrasting tradition and modernity.
For most of my trip, I spent more time in rural areas and small urban spaces as opposed to large cities. I absolutely adored the time I spent staying in a village and I believe that travelling in this way allows a person to experience culture and national identity on a much deeper level. Waking up everyday to prayer calls from a temple, wandering through crooked streets, and buying goods from local stores beats staying in a hotel anyday. One of the absolute best things about village houses in India are the accessible rooftops. Many houses will extend upwards three or more stories with each floor having its own designated roof space. It’s a such a special feeling being able to rise with the sun, climb onto one of these rooftops, and to look out over the rest of the village to the horizon.Â
Staying in a small village also brought some attention to how large of a gap there can be between the rich and the poor. Since India is a newly industrialized country, there is a clear difference in the quality of life for people who live in urban centers as opposed to those who live in villages. Just on the outskirts of the village I was staying in, there was a factory where impoverished people were laboring to make bricks. Many families lived on site of the factory, living in homes that were cramped and poorly constructed. Meanwhile, about a couple of miles from the other end of the village, there were new highways and luxurious hotels being built. This factory had stayed in my mind from the first couple of times that I’ve visited India, but I don’t think I ever fully realized the extent of the situation these laborers were in. I think that with the establishment of new skyscrapers in the area, it really struck me how much of a disparity there is in wealth.
One of my favorite aspects about my trip was being to explore different historical areas (while exercising a greater respect for architecture). The fact that many buildings in India have stood for centuries means that it’s easy to find significance and relevance anywhere a person chooses to look. Going to places such as temples, that hold as much historical importance as religious value, proved to be beneficial in gaining an understanding of what happened in the past while creating appreciation for what still exists in the present. I also found myself admiring the works of architecture everywhere. Throughout villages and cities stunning onion domes, intricate detailing, and vibrant color accents reflected Indian identity.
  Travelling to India was an amazing experience and one that I thoroughly enjoyed. I was able to gain a whole new perspective on global matters/issues while gaining a deeper appreciation for culture. Since I had been to India before it was fascinating to see what had changed throughout time and what had stayed the same. In the matter of a few years, it was unbelievable to me just how extensive urban sprawl had become, and how far modernity had spread even to rural areas.Â