water, nation

water, nation the moments of fluidity and change in my life

by: krystle m

one year later, i try taking vietnamese language classes... they're only offered to students who grew up hearing that language at home. i had to drop the class. my only other option is to take an independent study class. this won't work for a tonal language. i try asking friends for help, but most secondgeneration kids don't have the time or energy or passion to teach me. i'm not sure what options are left for me.

language krystle

montgomery,

or

bich

ngoc:

my vietnameseness was a private ordeal, meant only to be expressed at home or with my mother's family and friends. my mother didn't teach me our mother tongue. she didn't give me a vietnamese name.

after i entered college, i asked ba ngoai "can you give me a vietnamese name?" she spent a few days thinking about the right name for me... bich ngoc. named after my grandfather, in secret, i took on the family name: vu nguyen bich ngoc.

queer and trans

when they said, "queer and trans people of color"

i thought everyone in this space

i have light skin

had to be queer and trans.

after all those years of whitening

they meant queer people of color and

inside and out.

trans people of color.

using my trauma to build a community

that makes sense now.

that i thought should include me...

but after i spent time with this info,

here's another example of it:

how do i justify being a person of color?

using queerness to mask white guilt.

family "where

are

you

really

from?" i am from saigon and flint i am from the jungle and the forest i am from war and violence i am from napalm and acetone i am from pho ga and a cold towel i am from thien thao and tiger balm i am from silence and resilience i am from resilient womxn before me

our food

fruit from my mother sustained me

mango payaya mangosteen coconut rambutan lychee longan dragonfruit jackfruit cherimoya durian persimmon passion fruit starfruit gac guava

fruit of her labor sustained me

pho bun bo hue bun rieu rau mung toi banh xeo nem nuong banh cuon lap xuong

a self-portrait

a life map