spokanecdawoman.com
March/April 2016 | Issue 26
Shattering the Stigma:
“She Deserved It”
Chelsea Watson
Keep Your Heart Ticking
Femships & Girl Power
FOR MORE IN F O RM AT I O N O N FAC IL IT Y R E N TA L R AT E S & C AT E R IN G O PTIONS,
P LE A S E C A L L 5 0 9 . 7 9 5 . 2 0 3 0
DOWNTOWN SPOKANE’S PREMIER RIVERSIDE EVENT CENTER Located on the ground floor of the historic Flour Mill building, Chateau Rive is an elegant venue with old world charm. The perfect venue for company parties, weddings, luncheons, meetings, retreats and trade shows. If you would like your Chateau Rive wedding considered for feature in a future issue, send your photo and testimonial to Vince Bozzi at vince@spokanecda.com.
6 2 1 W E S T M A L L O N AV E N U E , S P O K A N E , WA 9 9 2 0 1 W W W. C H AT E A U R I V E . C O M
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FEMINISTA: Telling our stories to one another, in what author Sherry Jones calls “femship,” helps us to understand that we are not alone. “There’s nothing like hearing an amazing, smart, strong woman answer our story with a similar tale of her own to make us realize: It’s not me. And also, that we are all in this together.”
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HEART HEALTH: Statistically, women—worldwide—die from heart disease more than from anything else. Learn how to reduce your risks and stay present to the symptoms of an impending heart attack, which aren’t what you would expect.
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ROLE MODEL: Rachel Jaten, dubbed by Runner’s World as “The Comeback Runner,” competed in her second Olympics marathon trials this February at age 40. Now, she’s set her eyes on the Tokyo 2020 Olympics.
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SHATTERING STIGMAS: Deserving Better When we dismantle age-old, antiquated stigmas, we get closer to a society that truly allows people to succeed. And although that may seem like a big task—and to be fair, it is—the route to getting there is actually pretty direct. It begins with compassion.
on the
cover Model: Chelsea
March/April 2016
contents
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Inside
Watson
Wife and mother to two beautiful little girls. Photography:
Kelly Tareski Photography
Offers a unique and fun experience to her clients with a 6-acre venue filled with a variety of custom-built backdrops.
Find Spokane CDA Woman magazine on Facebook at www.facebook.com/SpokaneCDAWoman
March_April 2016
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Vol. 5 Issue 2
March/April 2016
EDITORIAL
Editor | Stephanie Regalado
Nurture Body, Mind & Spirit through Healing Arts
editor@spokanecdawoman.com
ART DIRECTION | GRAPHICS Art Director/Lead Graphic Designer Kristi Somday | kristi@spokanecda.com Traffic Manager/Graphic Designer Monica Hoblin | ads@bozzimedia.com
CONTRIBUTORS
Seth Barlow, Robin Bishop, Jennifer Evans, Tiffany Harms, Dennis Held, Sherry Jones, Devon Kelley, Holly Lytle, Tim Meigs, Erika Prins, Ava Sharifi, Kelly Tareski, Chuck Teegarden, Jesse Tinsley
St. Joseph Family Center is an outpatient counseling, spirituality and healing arts center located near the U District.
(509) 483-6495 | www.sjfconline.org 1016 N. Superior St. Spokane, WA 99202
SALES | MARKETING Business Development Emily Guevarra Bozzi | emily@spokanecda.com Vice President of Sales Cindy Guthrie | cindy@spokanecda.com Senior Account Manager Jeff Richardson | jrichardson@spokanecda.com Account Managers Erin Meenach | erin@bozzimedia.com Christine King | christine@bozzimedia.com
OPERATIONS Accounts Receivable denise@bozzimedia.com
EVENTS Hot Summer Nights, Best of the City, B2B Jennifer Evans | j@allfortheencore.com Release Parties Erin Meenach | erin@bozzimedia.com
Publisher & CEO | Vincent Bozzi vince@spokanecda.com
Co-Publisher/Co-Founder | Emily Guevarra Bozzi emily@spokanecda.com
Follow us on
@SpokaneCDAWoman
Find us on
facebook View our e-magazine spokanecdawoman.com
Spokane CDA Woman is published bi-monthly by Bozzi Media. 104 S Freya | Ste 209 | Spokane WA 99202-4866 Phone: 509.533.5350 | Fax: 509.535.3542 All contents Š 2016. No portion of this magazine may be reproduced without the written consent of the publisher. Neither Bozzi Media nor Spokane CDA Woman assumes responsibility for errors in content, photos or advertisements.
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Editor's letter
We are Spokane
I
had been the editor of Inland Business Catalyst magazine for five months when the publisher asked me to meet him in his office one weather-perfect fall afternoon. I had officially sent my third issue of the magazine off to press. I was finding my groove as an editor, feeling empowered in the role, but the requested meeting made me question, briefly, his thoughts on my performance. I murmured, “It’s go time” under my breath and headed for his office. “Well,” said our publisher, Vince Bozzi, “you’ve really been proving yourself as an editor. So I wanted to talk to you about something we’ve been considering and hear your thoughts on it.” “Perfect, I would love to hear it,” I said. My body relaxed into the leather-bound chair as my mind absorbed the compliment. “We’ve been thinking about starting a woman’s magazine, and I wanted to get your thoughts on it and offer you the opportunity.” I threw my hands in the air as though I had just crossed the finish line—although I knew the journey was just beginning. “Yes! I would be honored—I’m the woman for the job,” I said with zero hesitation. My fierce love for this magazine sprouted long before that moment. My commitment to sisterhood and to bringing women together to celebrate one another, empower one another, and honor one another has not once wavered. I have referred to this magazine as “my gal pal” over the years and have adored the project and every woman who has shared herself on our pages, bravely, humorously, but most importantly, authentically and vulnerably. I’ve sat through some tough meetings, where I was fighting against content I didn’t believe would excite and empower my readers, and I knew I wasn’t alone. The sisterhood has powered my every decision about content. Every one of you, from those featured to those who read this magazine, makes me a better mother, a better friend, a better professional, a better woman, a better human. I hope the inspiration has been mutual. After much thought and consideration, Bozzi Media has decided to move Spokane CDA Woman and Prime Magazine, our other bi-monthly publication, into our flagship premier city magazine, Spokane Coeur d’Alene Living. Offering the smaller magazines for free to the public has simply become cost prohibitive. Because Spokane CDA Living has a much superior distribution network, higher circulation count, offers home delivery and exposure on nearly every magazine stand in every major store in Spokane, along with delivery to upscale hotel rooms such as the Davenport, Davenport Tower and Red Lion Hotels, and now increased deliveries to places that Prime Magazine and Spokane CDA Woman audiences gather, we feel that the magazines will reach a much wider audience than the stand-alone publications do. The magazines will appear inside Spokane CDA Living, as separate and discrete publications, on the same bi-monthly press schedule as they've been. Since Spokane CDA Living has a demographic of 64 percent female readership, folding Spokane CDA Woman magazine into Living is simply a logical extension of the brand. We will retain our most popular features of Spokane CDA Woman, such as the hard-hitting and honest discussions in our feature stories and the “If They Only Knew” column, as well as the best in women’s health writing and the fashion spreads. And I am honored to announce I will be following Spokane CDA Woman into Spokane CDA Living as editor-in-chief. This is bittersweet for me and I write this with tears in my eyes. I adore my sister editor, Blythe Thimsen, and I wish her well as she transitions to new opportunities. I have big shoes to fill, and I look forward to creating a city magazine we can all be proud of, one that rivals the best across the nation. I have come to believe that Spokane is my city. And I want you to feel that way, too. I want readers to be swept up in the resurgent energy of growth, activity and opportunity. Embrace this city with me, honor her by becoming a champion for her and our fellow residents . . . be the change you want to see and share with me your observations along the way. I look forward to
this new phase with you: some of my favorite humans on the planet. And remember, no matter where we go, what we do, and who we choose to share life with, we are Spokane CDA Woman, we are Spokane Coeur d’Alene Living, and we are Spokane. Thank you for your loyalty; it has been, and will continue to be, my honor to carry on as your editor. Please find me on Facebook to stay connected between press dates, and share your thoughts, ideas and stories in real time. My very best,
Stephanie Regalado Stephanie@SpokaneCDA.com
March_April 2016
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L a n t e r n F e s t : B l o o m s d a y P r e p : F e m i n i s t a : P a p e r F l o w e r s : Ve d a L u x : K o k o & L o u
Up Front
O
The Lantern Fest returns to Spokane
n May 14, the Lantern Fest will return to Spokane for a night to remember. Family and friends, young and old, will join together at Stateline Stadium and Speedway in a celebration of life, love and memories beneath a sky illuminated by floating lanterns. “The Lantern Fest is a very unifying event,” says Lantern Fest event director Spencer Humiston. “Our problems and worries seem so individual, but they are shared by others in the community.” Last year, more than 4,000 revelers gathered as lanterns filled the sky. This year, the festival starts at 3 p.m., with live music, s’mores, face painting, princesses, a stage show and more leading up to the spectacular lantern launch. After sunset, participants will come together to release their lanterns, painting the sky gold with their hopes and dreams. Portions of the proceeds from each event are donated to Peak 7, a nonprofit organization that serves underprivileged and atrisk youth in Washington and Oregon. Historically, Chinese Lanterns were used to symbolize good fortune, request favorable weather and celebrate the lives of loved ones. In 2014, the Lantern Fest transformed this ancient tradition into a family-friendly festival with food, music, s’mores and children’s entertainment. When the sun goes down, lanterns will paint the sky in a spectacular release. www.thelanternfest.com
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Free
Q: What is a liquid facelift? BEFORE
Actual patient treated by Dr. Chesnut
A: A liquid facelift utilizes volume replacement to naturally correct soft tissue sagging, which anatomically creates a lifting effect similar to a facelift, completely non - surgically.
AFTER
Bloomsday Training Clinics SATURDAYS, March 12 – April 23 GET READY TO WALK, run or jog Bloomsday during the free Providence – Group Health Training Clinics at Spokane Falls Community College gym, 3410 W. Fort George Wright Rd. The 7-week program begins each Saturday at 8:30 a.m. Listen to training tips from the experts, followed by a warm-up with a personal trainer at 8:45 a.m. and by 9 a.m. you’re ready to start your walk, run or jog. Each week, the length of the course will increase by one mile, creating a safe environment in which to train for the full length of the Bloomsday route. The training clinics and course are designed for any training level—the course is out-andback, so it can be shortened or lengthened, depending on your fitness level. Volunteers from Providence Health Care and Group Health provide safe traffic control, water stations and first aid each week. Routes start on the Spokane Falls campus and extend to the Centennial Trail after week four. Register at phc.org or sign up any week at the clinics.
March_April 2016
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Up Front photo by Devon Kelley
Spokane's Dollhouse
SUMMER HIGHTOWER had twelve dollars to her name, an extreme passion for all things eclectic and an imagination that ran wilder than a sparkling prize-winning show pony. After selling her handmade jewelry and adornments out of a vintage teal suitcase for longer than she can remember, she happened upon a tiny old vacant post office in the up and coming Perry District. “I had no business plan to speak of, but I had a dream—a dream that was filled with fashion, glamour and free expression,” she says. “I decided to take a leap of faith and turn my part-time passion into a full-time profession.” That was 2010. Summer is proud of her little treasure chest that has come to be known as The Dollhouse to the community of Spokane. As word spreads and business grows, she remains a one-woman army designing and creating every unique adornment by hand. “Every piece is forged from imagination and given a life of its own.” www.vedalux.com
KOKO & LOU > YOU MAY HAVE
heard the
name Koko & Lou kicking around Spokane this past year, and if you haven’t, you soon will. Lindsey O’Brien, owner and creative, has always had a fierce love (borderline obsession) for jewelry. After a tiny seed of thought began to grow, Lindsey decided to push fear aside, dive in, and start a hand-stamped jewelry business. Koko & Lou was born in a tiny upstairs bedroom, nestled between Lindsey’s two sweet girls, Khloe and Lottie. Lindsey’s biggest passion is creating pieces for women of every age, and for every occasion, big and small. She hopes that Koko & Lou will become more than just a jewelry business; it will be a vehicle for encouraging women to get out of their own way and take a leap. “The leap, although scary, is worth it,”
Anemone Paper Florist MARY EBERLE was born and raised in Spokane. She began selling dried flowers to her neighbors when she was just three years old, and the entrepreneur spirit never left her. Mary founded Anemone Paper Florist in 2003 and has been covering the world with paper flowers ever since. Operating as a full-scale paper florist, Anemone provides floral arrangements of all sizes for every floral need, including flowers for home décor, gifts, weddings, hairpieces, table centerpieces, gift baskets, and flowering trees. They also offer rental services and corporate gift giving. “Bringing fresh paper arrangements monthly or seasonally to my clients is rewarding when I make my client’s
says Lindsey. Be on the lookout for Koko & Lou’s retail space opening in Kendall Yards this May. The space promises to be more than just a retail store; it will be an experience. Grab a yummy drink, cozy up to the jewelry bar, and create a beautiful piece you will never want to take off. Koko & Lou will also offer private jewelry parties, an alternative to the typical girls' night out. To get all the details and watch the shop come to life, follow along on Instagram (kokoandlou) or on Facebook www.facebook.com/kokoandlou.
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photo by Seth Barlow
day brighten up,” she says. “We sell more than paper flowers; we sell happiness with flowers that last and memories to keep.” Mary is a single mother raising four boys, who, she says, enrich her life beyond words. Mary is involved in many activities throughout the community. “It might be sitting on a board or being involved with a play,” she says. “Currently I have a singing project that makes me more excited than anything else.” Mary’s singing project is on Facebook at MLEsing. Anemone is now at River Park Square. Visit them on the web at www. paperflowers.com or call (509) 230-1911.
Silent Auction and Champagne Brunch Saturday, April 2, 2016 from 10:00 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. Enjoy a delicious—and meaningful—champagne brunch with your girlfriends while overlooking the spectacular Spokane Falls at Anthony’s at Spokane Falls (510 N. Lincoln) in an event that benefits one of our favorite nonprofits, the YWCA of Spokane. There isn’t anything quite like the companionship found in the joint support of a critical cause. The YWCA is one of Spokane’s most established organizations, serving more than 16,000 women and children each year. Pre-registration is required by March 25. Seating is limited, $55 per ticket. Contact Kylie, event coordinator, at (509) 789-9307 or email her at eventco@ywcaspokane.org, with questions. www.YWCASpokane.org
March_April 2016
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One-on-one & Small Group Personal Training Available
Up Front
FEMSHIPS
A FEM IN NEED IS A FEM, INDEED By Sherry Jones
WATCHING She’s Beautiful When She’s Angry, a documentary about the beginnings
Monday - Friday: 5am-9pm Saturday: 6am-12pm (by appointment) Sunday: By appointment 509-488-3732 3209 E. 57th Ave, Suite G Spokane, WA 99223 catalystfitness-spokane.com
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of the women’s movement in the 1960s, I felt so moved by scenes in which women clustered in groups like constellations, sharing their stories of discrimination and even abuse. Here, I thought, lay the heart of feminism: knowing what oppression feels like, calling its name, and fighting back—together. This dream of sisterhood as a powerful force linking woman to woman sustains me still as I step into the sometimes-treacherous current of activism, defying the very structure of our society for the sake of change. It’s demanding work, mentally and emotionally taxing, and sometimes I feel alone. But then I meet a “sister” who tells me how, years ago, her boss made a sexual comment to her in front of others in the employee break room. She was so stunned, she dropped her coffee on the floor. Most of us, it turns out, have a story like this. I know a woman who has taught collegelevel math for years. Her first math professor in college took her aside mid-semester to ask, “Why don’t you switch to home economics and stop wasting my time?” She was the number-two student in the class, but the only female. Another woman I know, an elderly woman, tells how her twin fetuses died in her womb and she I know women ... had to carry them until they emerged on their own, because abortion was against the law. who’ve been told She also remembers when women couldn’t get they can’t fulfill their credit in their names—no credit cards, no car loans, dreams because it’s no home loans. Everything, even the children, belonged to the man in the family. a man’s world with I know women who’ve been sexually abused no girls allowed. by family members; who’ve been passed over for promotion in favor of a far-less-qualified man; who’ve been harassed by Uber drivers; who’ve been held captive in their homes by husbands; who’ve endured criticism for their body shape; who’ve been told they can’t fulfill their dreams because it’s a man’s world with no girls allowed. Silence, it’s said, is consent. But we keep silent about our experiences as women not because we consent to inequality and disrespect, but because being treated as less-than makes us feel ashamed. We wonder, do I deserve to be treated this way? Maybe we really are inferior. Telling our stories to one another, in what I call “femship,” helps us to understand that we are not alone, and that we don’t deserve such treatment. There’s nothing like hearing an amazing, smart, strong woman answer our story with a similar tale of her own to make us realize: It’s not me. And also, that we are all in this together.
Spokane author Sherry Jones is a member of the board of directors of Spokane Area National Organization for Women (NOW).
#1 Killer heart disease
Know the Facts: Heart Disease is #1 Killer of Women Worldwide
“I believe that patients should take an active role in their healthcare and make decisions guided by information. By giving patients a voice, my goal is to make each patient feel valued and respected.” Andrea Prabhu, md, facog Obstetrician & Gynecologist
By Ellie Mueller, MD, FACC, FSCAI
I
f you are a woman, statistically you will more likley die from heart disease than anything else: that’s including all forms of cancers, chronic disorders, trauma, and accidents. General myth is that heart disease is a men’s disease. It’s the opposite. One in three women will die from heart disease, which translates to one woman dying from heart disease every minute. But, there is much you can do about it. Heart disease develops over time. Research shows that 80 percent of heart disease and stroke events may be prevented by lifestyle changes and education. Cardiovascular risk factors includes family history of heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, smoking, obesity with sedentary lifestyle and unhealthy diet. All contribute to heart disease over time. Ninety percent of women have one or more of these risk factors for heart disease and stroke. If you have one or more of these risk factors regardless of age, get screened for heart disease. A heart attack in women does not always have obvious symptoms, such as chest pain, shortness of breath and cold sweats. Symptoms can be mild, such as flu-type of body aches and pains, nausea, vomiting, or can even happen without a person knowing it. It is called a “silent heart attack,” and delay in treatment in such cases results in poor outcomes. Get informed, and learn your risks. Your life or the life of someone you love may depend on it. Get screened for heart disease. To learn more about Rockwood Women’s Heart Clinic, visit www.RockwoodClinic.com. To schedule an appointment at one of our six Heart and Vascular locations, call (509) 755-5500. Dr. Ellie Mueller is an interventional cardiologist and director of the Rockwood Women’s Heart Clinic.
Advanced, compassionate care you can trust Accredited 3D/4D Ultra Sound
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Free Parking March_April 2016
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Her story
photo by Jesse Tinsley
A
Ava Sharifi As I went home, crying to my parents, they told me that I was blessed to be from two different cultures. That it meant I was able to understand situations from two different lights: the West, and the East.
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t age 3, I only knew my name was Ava. There was no race, religion, stereotype, or judgment attached to my name. The world was pure and innocent in my eyes, and there was no idea of “cruelty.” Instead, it was simply the world of discovery and the willingness to learn. At age 5, I spoke English, my thoughts were in English, and I was surrounded by English. The only time I would speak Farsi was to my mom, and even then, it was a small amount. My parents immigrated to America from Iran, and they gave me the title of “second-generation.” I played the same games, understood jokes, and laughed alongside every child who was as American as me. I never saw the difference between me and others around me. At age 10, I was walking home from school with one of my best friends. We could talk about everything together, and laughing with her was so easy. As we were crossing the street, and she saw my mother waiting for me across the way, she stopped where she was. She turned to me and asked, “Are you a Muslim?” I didn’t know what the word meant. Out of impulse I said, “Yes.” She stared in my eyes with a blank face, and said, “I’m a Christian. My mom and dad said Muslims and Christians aren’t allowed to be friends. I’m sorry, we can’t talk ever again.” As I went home, crying to my parents, they told me that I was blessed to be from two different cultures. That it meant I was able to understand situations from two different lights: the West, and the East. But at the time, I did not feel blessed. I felt disadvantaged. I did not know what it meant to be a Muslim. But as I looked into the mirror, I saw the girl named Ava who was now a Muslim. At age 12, I walked through the hallways of my middle school as “Allahu Akbar” was shouted at me, as though I were the insurgent with bombs and wires duck-taped around my chest, just like the video they watched the night before. They feared me, although I told them my name is not fear, it's just Ava. I began to feel like a threat. Kids would ask how many wives my dad had. When I answered “one,” they wouldn’t believe me. They acted as though they knew more about me than I knew about myself. At age 15, I entered high school with a new form of identity. The societal box was placed around my being, and I was being pushed to act the way I was supposed to, in their eyes.
My favorite foods were blamed on my culture, my mistakes were blamed on my religion, my beliefs were blamed on my parents, and my political views were un-American and wrong. It made no difference whether I was born in this country or not because my skin screamed lies about me. At age 17, a girl messaged me and said “Muslims hate pork, beer, dogs, bikinis, Jesus, and freedom of speech. So what did you come to America for?” She said that she did not believe what she said was racist because the news and history lessons don’t lie. A boy messaged me and said “Muslim logic is crazy. They are offended by cartoons and criticism, but they are not offended by rape, slavery, pedophilia, beheadings, suicide bombings, and burning people alive. Why do all of you people think this way?” No. I am not “all of you people.” Billions of us are not the “them.” I am witness to Islamophobia sweeping the nation, as politicians feed on the fears of the people as though they were trying to rev them up for battle. “Muslims need to be I.D.’d” and “Incoming Muslims are to be banned” and “Mosques should be monitored” and “Muslims should be kicked out.” Welcome to the land of the free. I am a Muslim. I have never read the Quran and I do not follow traditions. I do not need to do these things to understand that Muslims are human, too. I am a human, therefore I am Muslim, just like I am anything else. I do not want to live in a world where at 17 years old, I must worry about the color of my children’s skin, just in case we have not taken action now, and they must experience pain in their lives. At age 17, I worry about our futures. We must come together and sympathize with the persecuted and the oppressed and feel the pain they are bearing. We must take action. We cannot let darkness consume our hearts. We must follow the words of Martin Luther King Jr.: “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”
Martin Luther King Jr. believed that individuals should “not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.” Intolerance goes beyond black and white America and discrimination takes on many forms. Because of this, it’s important for us to hear from other perspectives.
Spring into summer
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Call today for more info! (509) 822-9385 11712 E. montgomery Dr., Suite F-8 | Spokane March_April 2016
15
Closing the gap
time to say
goodbye By Jennifer Evans
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woman | spokanecdawoman.com
MY HUSBAND AND I had just finished dining and gaming in the Paris casino, one late April night in Las Vegas. We laughed together as we pushed open the doors to Las Vegas Boulevard. I was immediately overtaken by the sound. Andrea Bocelli’s “Time to Say Goodbye” filled the air. My eyes darted around as I tried to spy the source of the music. My husband’s hands clasped my shoulders and turned me toward the fountains across the street at the Bellagio. I had never witnessed anything as striking. I vowed to always remember that moment. Twelve years later, I am a single mom to three children. Divorce, and the death of my husband, are but memories. I’m three years into being a business owner, and my children and I power through loss, stress and frustration. We are quick to recover and regain our strength in difficult times. Recently, I found myself stumbling more than usual. Any opportunity to have a happyhour meeting to blow off steam was accepted. I ordered more pizza than I had in the previous six months. I found myself angry at anything that didn’t happen exactly as I wanted it to, and for the first time in months, I was sick and forced to take time off work. One morning after I dropped my son off at the bus stop for school, I drove home and was fully present to the fact that I was about to snap. I grasped at all the tools I’ve been given over the years to normalize my emotions and make myself feel better. I felt as though I was being overly dramatic when my mind flooded with a string of dates from January to February, over the years, dates I had left my husband; I had filed antiharassment charges against a former acquaintance; my ex-husband, the father of my girls, died; I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant with my third child; I left a job I had loved . . . the list went on. I thought of a friend who has dedicated many years to the art of grief. For me, grief had always felt like a sign of weakness, an excuse to feel sorry for myself when what I really need to do was to change my focus and work harder. “What if she is right?” I thought. Just then, my phone rang.
“How did you know to call right now?” I asked. She laughed at my greeting and then listened as I told her what had just occurred to me. She said something that one hour before I wouldn’t have believed, but now recognized was absolutely true: “The body always knows.” For 10 years I’d been running away from a deep need to grieve my losses. I’ve always known grief to be uncomfortable. It had seemed unbecoming of the strong person I have had to be. I have had no time for grief, but it no longer mattered what I had time for; grief was going to rob me of the time it needed whether I wanted it or not. It would present itself in unhealthy behaviors, as illness, and would subconsciously steal my joy and progress if I didn’t take some time to dance with it. It was only a matter of moments before all of this sank in and I broke down sobbing. I had never looked any of these losses in the eye, and it hurt. I acknowledged the loss of companionship, I acknowledged the loneliness that was present in my space, I felt the pain and pressure of being single and raising children alone, I cried over missing my old life. I experienced every feeling I’ve ever suppressed, and instead of feeling bad about myself, I could see my hurt for what it was. I wanted to give myself a hug and say, “It’s going to be okay.” Until that moment, I had never experienced compassion toward myself. The recognition of the need for self love was an epiphany. When I was void of tears and ready to get up off the couch, I decided to go about my daily routine and get myself dressed. I was in front of the vanity when I flipped on the music. Enya softly played and I felt comforted and content. The song changed and my world stopped: “Time to Say Goodbye.” I saw my reflection in the mirror and the tears streamed down my face. As I welcome the powerful experience of grief and compassion into my life, it is indeed time to say goodbye—goodbye to the pain I’ve carried because I hadn’t grieved my losses, goodbye to the shame and suffering, goodbye to the misconception that led me to believe that grief was anything less than healing and powerful.
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March_April 2016
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Role model photo by Tim Meigs
Clothing | Handbags | Jewelry | Accessories
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Rachel Jaten By Erika Prins
RACHEL JATEN, dubbed by Runner’s World as “The Comeback Runner,” competed in her second Olympics marathon trials this February at age 40. After competing in track and field in college, she took a decade-long hiatus before reemerging as a competitive marathoner in 2011. The Spokane native ranked 125th in the field going into the trials and took 48th in the race. Now, she’s set her eyes on the Tokyo 2020 Olympics. You didn’t run competitively for ten years, and now you’re competing to run in the Olympics. What’s your formula for success? The biggest thing, honestly, was surrounding myself with people with similar goals, and then having someone to coach me so I knew what I was doing because I knew nothing about training for a marathon.
What was the moment you realized you could become a competitive runner again? I joined the [Spokane] Swifts in 2008. I was getting back into running and all these women were women whose names I’d seen in results nationally. I had been so far removed
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from that and I was able to hang with them at workouts—for the most part. I was still fighting my way back. But it was the first inkling that if I got in shape, I could compete with them.
You ran track distances in college. What compelled you to switch to the marathon? Mostly my age. I figured that’s what people do after college: You’re done with track and what’s next? A marathon, obviously. And I knew, too, that if I actually trained for a marathon, I’d get in pretty good shape.
What would you tell other women thinking about trying for their pie-in-the-sky dream? Well, first, goal setting. And then, asking for help. There are people who are able to do this completely on their own and figure it out, but it’s so much smoother if you have people you can ask for help. Having a coach and having some supportive people in your life. Not even a spouse, but having a mom or a sister or a friend—it’s sort of holding you accountable and pushing you forward when it’s the last thing you want to do.
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What’s it like to be out there, racing in the Olympic trials? They had a little athlete gated area but spectators could be right up against the fence. It was a little four-foot fence, and it was kind of cool because you could see people’s families coming right up to the fence and doing last minute well-wishing. As I ran, there were always little groups of three to four people that were working together and moving together, so I would leave one group and move to another group and join them. That got me through the middle of the race. I ran a lot of the race with Colleen De Reuck, 51, four-time Olympian and oldest contestant in the race. She would pull ahead and then check to see if I was with her. It just feels so much better to be running next to somebody than getting stuck in a void and running by yourself. Before I knew it, I was at 18 miles. And I was like, “Wow, that went by fast!” And then I hit 22, and that was the longest four miles of my life. It was horrible, but I knew I could do it because it was only four miles.
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What did it feel like to finally cross the finish line? Tons of relief. Looking back on it, if I was thinking clearly, I probably should have taken an IV. They asked me if I wanted to go to the medical tent because I was having trouble walking. I took it in for a few minutes and then I started looking for my family and I saw my wife Michelle. That’s kind of when it hit me, and I got a little teary for a few minutes and said, “I’m happy” and I was proud of myself.
So, you’re in for the Tokyo 2020 Olympics? Yeah, I will totally go for it. It’s funny because I’ve trained for two marathons now and for both of them, it’s turned out to be super hot, which is kind of frustrating. I still want to run a race that represents the training that I’ve put in. My body feels pretty good, so I don’t see myself slowing down for a while. I’d love to be a Colleen De Reuck out there, the oldest lady out there and still killin’ it.
Kelly Tareski
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Rai ny we a t h e r l ayer s, w it h splashes of c olor, pr omise to a dd some piz a z z to Spr ing Fa s h io n
Style
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Photographed by: Kelly Tareski Photography offers a unique and fun experience to her clients with a 6-acre venue filled with a variety of custom-built backdrops. Model: Chelsea Watson, wife and mother to two beautiful little girls. Location: Northern California, Avenue of the Giants (Redwoods), Trinidad Beach.
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Wa t e r P l a y : S u c c e s s i n S c h o o l s : S o c k p a n t s & S u p e r H e r o e s : D e s e r v i n g I t
Family
Summer
Fun
P
By Robin Bishop
icture yourself gliding along the Spokane River on a Stand Up Paddleboard (SUP), taking a Sea Ray boat out onto Coeur d’Alene Lake for the day, or traversing the river on a jet ski or kayak. Now imagine the ease of using these summer toys minus the burden of financial commitment and maintenance. Fun Unlimited, a regional water recreation rental company, was established to make summer fun in the northwest more accessible for everyone. Five years ago Keith and Cara Quien traded the nine-to-five life for a “job” they could get excited about. Their love of water sports and life in the Inland Northwest fueled the brainstorming and Fun Unlimited was born. While they specialize in SUP rentals, they offer kayak, jet ski, and boat rentals so locals and travelers can enjoy area waterways the way they’d like to. “It has been our goal from the beginning to make water sports more welcoming to beginners. Paddleboarding is such a great option for entry level users,” says Cara. They are so passionate about introducing paddleboards to beginners they launched their own line of entry-level boards. The line is called Stillwater, representing its intentional design to be used on the still waters of the lakes and rivers in our region. Stillwater SUPs are wider and more stable and user friendly than other models, making them a great solution for Fun Unlimited customers. “There are many people intimidated by the idea of kayaking and paddleboarding,” says Cara. “They think it’s harder than it really is. The key is to use equipment built for the type of water you want to navigate and for the skill level of the user.” Stillwater currently
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NEW THIS SUMMER IN DOWNTOWN SPOKANE:
STAND UP PADDLE BOARDING Downtown River access under the Division St bridge
MORE RENTALS AT TEMPLIN’S MARINA IN POST FALLS:
JET SKIS | BOATS | SUPS
208-620-9050
FB: FUNUNLIMITEDCOEURDALENE
WWW.CDASPORTS.COM March_April 2016
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Family Summer Fun
makes two different sizes of boards and will be producing a children’s SUP this summer, all of which will be available through Fun Unlimited. The Quiens are passionate about facilitating family memories and summer adventure so they eliminate as much of the tension from the experience as possible. “We don’t just hook you up with your rentals, offer a quick verbal how-to and send you on your way,” says Cara. Every rental receives instruction by knowledgeable users that can calm the nerves and help you have the best experience possible. “We’ll show you which way is up and which way to hold the paddle, and how to remount the equipment when you find yourself in the water.” All of this goes a long way with renters that are new to the idea. This summer Fun Unlimited will be offering rentals in two locations along the Spokane River. Their main rental operation is located in Post Falls at the Red Lion Templin’s Hotel Marina where they offer their full line of rentals and the option of using rentals straight from the beach or taking them to your own destination for the day. With the new Downtown River Access in Spokane, Fun Unlimited will be renting SUPs from their new location under the Division Street bridge near the convention center. Both locations offer calm and peaceful water with little to no boat traffic. Follow them on Facebook for summer calendar announcements. www.FunUnlimited.com.
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Increasing Success for School-Aged Children
KIDS STUFF W ITH PR EV IOUS EXPE RIENCE
Kids Play Area with streaming videos! By Chuck Teegarden
“IN 2006, I couldn’t find enough high school graduates to hire,” says Fred Schoenhard, manager of the Spokane Valley Costco. “I found out some other private sector folks had the same concern. We looked at different models nationally and in 2008 we incorporated Communities In Schools of Spokane County (CISSC).” The program has site coordinators in eight schools in Spokane and Cheney who identify students at-risk for academic failure, and develop, implement and monitor an individual plan for success. Last year, 428 students were identified and nearly 80 percent of those students achieved one or more of their academic goals. CISSC also provides “PrimeTime Mentoring.” Last year, 323 students had mentors and 80 percent of those students saw an increase in their reading and math scores. “Our mentors are from all walks of life and quickly bond with their mentee,” says Tina McElligott, mentor coordinator. “We need more mentors, always.” Students are assisted in overcoming violence in their homes, hunger, homelessness, mental illness, neglect and abandonment. “The kids we work with continue to be successful because of our partnerships,” says Tim Engh, board president. “We don’t duplicate existing services, we try to broker those services to students, which allows us to be very efficient.” CISSC’s major fundraiser “Gambling for Good,” will be held at Northern Quest on April 30, from 5:30 p.m. to 9 p.m. Gaming tables allow participants to gamble with “funny money” to win prizes, and participants will be entered into a variety of raffles. Dinner, a live auction and several awards for child advocacy round out the evening. Registration is available online at www.bidpal.net/cis and anyone interested in programs may call (509) 413-1436.
VALLEY 14401 E Sprague Ave 509-927-3001 facebook.com/ouac. spokanevalley NORTH 6005 N Division 509-487-1628 facebook.com/ouac. northspokane
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Sockpants & Super Heroes The Difference
180 S. Howard
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Making special the new normal HAVE YOU EVER wondered why we spend so much time and energy comparing ourselves to others? It must be one of the single most self-destructive pastimes and yet I know I have spent years of my life comparing myself to others, which created nothing but insecurities and a deep sense of inadequacy. The time I spent comparing myself to others wasn’t particularly obvious in my younger years. Doesn’t everyone look at their siblings, friends and classmates and secretly wish to have better clothes, hair, boyfriends, athleticism, and intelligence? It wasn’t until I became a mother that my self-comparison behaviors became more prominent. I wanted nothing more than to be the perfect mother that my children deserved. But no matter how hard I tried or the number of hours I spent in the kitchen, I could never quite achieve the Better Homes and Gardens life that the other preschool moms seemed to pull off with ease and efficiency. Looking back, I can see it was ridiculous. My parenting experience was different. I was the mother of a special needs child who required more than 30 hours of therapy each week. How could anyone pull off that sort of schedule and not burn a pan or two of gluten free chocolate chip cookies in the process? As I sorted through the wreckage of my life after the death of my son Isaac in early 2007, I slowly nurtured my dream of creating a nonprofit that would help families touched by autism. While I still attempted to be the best stay-at-home mom I could be, I couldn’t help but feel isolated and alone with only small children as social companions. To pass the time, I became enamored with this up and coming site called Facebook. It was an easy way of maintaining relationships and connecting with distant friends and family. I looked forward to breaks in my day when I could read about the happenings of people I knew. But over time, Facebook began to add to my growing list of motherhood insecurities. Scroll after scroll, I felt bombarded with friends who seemed to have it all together. Picture perfect meals, glowing parent-teacher conferences, relaxing vacations, and blue ribbon science fair displays. Meanwhile, I was surrounded by grief, overflowing toilets and preschooler golden showers.
By Holly Lytle
With my self-esteem in the proverbial toilet, I decided to stop hiding my imperfections and thumb my nose at those parents I perceived as “the perfects” on my Facebook feed. I began sharing stories of what my real-life experiences looked like. Before long, my friends started comparing me to a modern day version of Erma Bombeck. Week after week, I posted the regular adventures of my sarcastic and witty elementary school-aged son; adorable super hero, crime fighting preschooler with an eccentric touch of autism; and a sockpants loving fashionista toddler who insisted on dressing herself every morning. I found that in my attempt to shock my friends with a sense of my daily reality, I was freeing myself of the need to compare myself to others. I began to let go of my insecurities and embraced the authentic me. It seemed only appropriate that one day, while taking a break from reading the latest and greatest accomplishments of some of my more perfect friends on Facebook, a statistic jumped out at me from a national magazine. “Approximately 85 percent of people with Facebook accounts admit to keeping at least one friend that makes them feel better about their own life.” I couldn’t help but laugh. I am fairly certain that I am this friend for a large portion of my Facebook friend list. I’m also fairly certain I make a great many of my friends on Facebook experience a sense of normalcy as they live out versions of the daily debacles I feel compelled to share. Recently, Krysten, program coordinator at The ISAAC Foundation, mentioned that a mother was requesting a meeting with me. The mother shared in her email a feeling of inadequacy as she struggled to balance daily life and the needs of a child with autism. “She seems inspired by your ability to balance your life while having children with special needs,” Krysten said. We stood looking at each other silently for several seconds then both burst out laughing. “Set up a meeting, but first tell her to send me a Facebook friend request. That should help normalize things for her in the meantime.” Holly Lytle is the mother of three and founder of The ISAAC Foundation, a local nonprofit organization. In her free time, Holly enjoys chronicling her many adventures of motherhood for this column.
is the
By Tiffany Harms
Deserving It THINK OF A TOUGH situation you’ve been in. Go through all that went into that situation—other people, circumstances, your whole experience. Did you deserve it? What would it feel like to have a stranger tell you, simply, that you did? This is a judgment call we make about others constantly. We see this at play when it’s assumed sexual assault survivors somehow provoked their attack, or that those living in poverty somehow mismanaged their lives. These inaccurate, oversimplified, and harmful assumptions are what allow injustice and inequality to persist. At the root of it all are age-old, antiquated stigmas that still persist in our culture today. When we dismantle these stigmas, we get closer to a society that truly allows people to succeed. And although that may seem like a big task—and to be fair, it is—the route to getting there is actually pretty direct. It begins with compassion. The Impossible Hoops
Stigma is the process of branding another person, group, or circumstance with shame. It’s a powerful phenomenon, and it’s meant to be. As Juan J. Lopez-Ibor Jr., a renowned Spanish psychiatrist, wrote in World Psychiatry, stigma was originally about human survival. It helped us mark sources of danger, and ensured that the mark was permanently etched in our collective memory. If we all knew the mark, we were safe from the danger. But misapplied, stigma is a destructive force that can be exploited for personal gain. Throughout history, harmful stigmas have been attached to innate or arbitrary traits, like skin color, gender, citizenship, sexual history, or income. None of these traits makes a person inherently “good” or “bad.” Yet stigma allows those in positions of power and privilege to make these shallow assumptions, marking them as deserving of their stigma. It’s a strategy intentionally used to condone negative attitudes, and perpetuate hate and injustice. We saw this when Jewish people were stigmatized by the Nazis, when women were stigmatized during the Salem Witch Trials, and when Japanese Americans were put in internment camps. To make matters more complex, stigmas are like getting caught in a bear trap – the harder you fight to free yourself, the more
Family planning damage you can cause. As Lopez-Ibor Jr. puts it, “efforts to remove the mark [by the stigmatized person] will lead to make it more prominent and to acquire other negative elements.” It’s setting up a series of impossible hoops to jump through—a game that you’re bound to lose.
The Feminine Stigma
So much of the stigma that women face is tied to our reproductive health. For two centuries, the word “hysteria”—which describes a state of unstable emotional excess—was a term used solely to describe women. After all, the root of this word, hystera, is Greek for “uterus.” And in all those years women haven’t been able to outrun the false characterization—politicians, religious extremists, and even perfect strangers question our ability to make decisions, especially about our own bodies, and foster stigmas to control and devalue women. Last December, a Reddit thread called “I think my pharmacist tries to publicly shame me when picking up my birth control pills” blew up with women’s experiences at their local pharmacies. Stories of employees lecturing women about being on birth control or calling out the type of prescription loudly in an attempt to embarrass them—which is a violation of patient privacy laws—filled the thread. For a stigmatized person, everyone is an expert on your life except you. Stigmatization is about making issues black and white—not acknowledging that as human beings, we’re often somewhere in between, so much more complex than our stigmatized traits.
Moving Forward
To dismantle stigmas perpetuated about women’s health and reproductive rights— and stigmas impacting all groups, individuals, and circumstances—we have a lot of work to do. It begins with compassion. Not the kind that is rooted in pity or sympathy— the kind that exists between human beings who are open to learning, loving, and understanding each other. To have compassion means we need to unravel the harmful myths that exist and be honest about the bitter lies that have dominated our society and beliefs, sometimes for thousands of years. To dismantle stigmas, those who are privileged—in capacities large or small—need to question what’s really behind the stigmas we cast on others. We have a choice in whether or not stigmas stay in our collective memory. When we choose compassion, stigma cannot survive.
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If they only knew
SOFT BABY SOUNDS came from the room next door. I crawled, on my hands and knees, down the hall and into the room, then pressed up against the rails of the crib. Unable to lift anything, I rolled my tiny baby up the railings and over the top, into my arms. Back down the hall I went, the baby cradled in one arm against my chest. The crawling was now on three limbs instead of four. I placed him on my bed and painfully struggled to get back into bed myself. My illness began about a month prior, when the baby was only a few weeks old. The pain in my gut had increased until I could no longer function. Soon all I could do was to lie in bed, changing diapers and breastfeeding the infant by my side. I was no longer able to crawl, so my husband placed our baby beside me when he left for work, and put him back into the crib when he returned. It had been routine for a few of my husband’s co-worker
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friends to come by for dinner—at 11 p.m. since they worked swing shift—but they no longer came. I heard them tell him they could not bear to listen to me moaning in the other room. Why didn’t I go to a doctor? In my family growing up we rarely went to a doctor. We were expected to just power through whatever was wrong. You got sick, and eventually you got well. As a young couple with no money to pay medical bills, I didn’t understand I could be helped without being able to pay. My husband never suggested a trip to a doctor, nor seemed alarmed at how ill I was. Without sympathy he marched through his daily routine. My husband had made it very clear that he really wanted a baby, but no longer wanted a wife. In the future he would try to kill me twice, so in retrospect I believe he was waiting for me to die of “natural causes.” Eventually I was dehydrated, lost 30 pounds in one month, and was running a high temperature. I was unaware of my surroundings. I drifted. The banging on the front door startled me. I began to swim out of unconsciousness. Instead of stopping, the banging became louder. Apparently there was someone at the door. I kept my eyes closed and hoped they would go away. Someone was tapping on the bedroom window and calling my name. I struggled to get to the door 20 feet away and when I opened it I saw three women on the porch, Rhonda, Debi and Trish, wives of my husband’s friends. They had come for me. They dressed me and the baby, half-carried me to their car, and whisked us away to one of their houses. I barely remember it, but do know I could only see blackness. My temperature was over 104 degrees. Rhonda’s husband came home and there was a fight. I heard glass break. The male voice shouted: “How could you do this? Do you know what her husband will do when he
Co visitme new our expa ly n storeded !
finds out?” And then the blackness overtook me again. Eventually my husband arrived, probably called and warned of where I was. More yelling. Then into the car and a trip to the doctor’s office. A hospital stay. No more breastfeeding: the baby had probably been starving by now with no food or water from me. I was sick on and off that summer, but got on with life . . . the precious gift those ladies gave me. Occasionally I remember this time from so many years ago. I got out alive. After two years I filed for divorce and went into hiding. Things are much better for me now. The baby is grown and is a loving father. When I think of those three women and the risks they took to kidnap me and get me to a safe place, I realize they saved my life. I would love to thank them for their care. If They Only Knew . . . they saved my life.
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