Trace
a quest of memory
0:00
It starts with the small things,
0:01
looking at an old journal,  hearing a song,  watching a movie.
0:02
Then, slowly, a seed begins to root itself
0:03
deep
0:04
within my cerebral cortex, growing down the length of my spine,
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Until it is intertwined with the fibers of who I am.,
0:06
a question
0:07
a quest of memory
0:08
Trace
0:09
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THE A造造OUNTS of Ms. Carolyn Cross
1934. Nashville, TN
I was born in 1934. of the depression.
Um
And that was the middle
that was just 5 years after
the stock market crash that started everything in 1929. So it was uh really um people were fortunate if they had any kind of job back during the 30’s.
I grew up in Nashville, TN just uh
200 miles
west of here. Uh... we moved there, I was born in Virginia uh um in a little town called Louisa. I was actually born in
Richmond the capitol, but my parents lived on my grandfather’s farm in Louisa, which was a small town of about 300 people,
and its not much bigger than that now.
Ah hah heh
heh heh mmm...
So and this was during the depression, you know back in the thirties, and it was
hard,
jobs were
hard,
And so um my parents moved to uh Nashville, TN where my mother had grown up, and they got positions in the schools there. My mother taught in the city schools and my, my father taught in the county schools. So we moved there when I was about 6 months old. And jobs were much easier know for
uh
the ones uh
most people in cities even then.
of course the
you know
that you
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0:12
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MIDORI t r a n s l a t i o n s
u n c o v e r e d
I 1924 1939
They uh
before
the wa r ,
that was a,
very good Uh I
was
time
you know,
I have.
gro wn
and um my f ather was in business
big , good
business I mean. And uh and he had
a good income
and everything,
you know.
We lived in ah
pretty good.
I had a servant! In a my house!
Yah I had. We have always had.
So you can
see.
can tell, it’s good,
You
good living right?
And um that
kind of living
I had.
But anyway ahh I was living mountain side,
beautiful city
and ah one side is a mountain and the other side is a ah
sea ,
and ah that kind of a beautiful city.
I mean ah I wish I can take you there someday and ah see you like it, it’s
reeaal nice city,
very good. And ah that’s where I grown up.
My f ather was in business
and uh we lived in good those days,
you know what I mean?
When I was young When I was young
hadaahousemaid! housemaid! I Ihad myhouse housealways! always! InInaamy
tell tell tell,right?! ,right?! ,right?!
So So Soyou you youcan can can
Yep yah and my mother, always dress up and go to something Yep yah and myofmother, kind stuff. Yep Yep yah yah and and my my mother, mother, Yep always yah and my mother,
always dress upto and go to something always always dress dress up and and to something something always dress upup and gogo togo something always kind of stuff. always always kind kind of of stuff. stuff. always kind of stuff.
yah kind of life I had . yah yahthat that that kind kind ofof life life had I had yah that kind of life II had .. . yah that kind of life I had .
that kind of life I had . yah yah that kind of life I had .
0:14
0:15
First,
I try to search the pathways that I know,
0:16
I start at their beginnings, from this rock to the tree to the..
0:17
from this rockfrom to the this tree rock to the.. to the tree to the.. from this rock the tree to the.. from this rock to the tree to to the..
0:18
from thisfrom rockthis to the tree rock to to thethe.. tree to the.. 0:19 from this rock to thefrom tree to the.. this rock to the tree to the.. from this rock to the tree to the.. from this rock to the tree to the.. from this rock to the tree to t
the...
the...
the...
the...
the...
0:20
but it always goes blank
0:21
The
Imaginisms of a,
Ms.Rose
Guard ian 1936. Knoxville, TN When I was a little baby, my mother had a baby out of wed-lock and she ran
away from home
to keep people knowin she had a baby. And
um
but
somehow
I was the only child she had. her daughter was born,
And she come through lots of problems my mother did, with a new baby, and nobody to keep her. She came to Knoxville and didn’t know
nobody.
And I don’t know how
she managed to find where she did find. They say the Lord always provides.
And she found these people that would keep me, while she worked.
When my mother became ill I was two years old
and these people
took me and raised me,
they didn’t even
know
me.
But they took me and raised me, and sent me to school,
and named me,
gave me their name. They were kind.
They kept me until both of them died. I took care of Daddy and Mother before they did
and I also said ,
I said
that wasn’t no trick
no trick or anything that was just a man that was providing for me. He said
“that little girl needs help” mmhmmmm and he helped me.
And so and they taught me how to be
nice, to people.
Heh heh heh
And they taught me with a switch too.
a h h h...
0:21
0:22
the question begins to stem into obsession, as I dig for the origin.
Hands raw, I decide that since I can find no solution within me,
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of the past, retracing the pathways I will instead seek my answer by,
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THE A造造OUNTS of Ms. Carolyn Cross
1938. Nashville, TN
Now I do remember when I was younger ,
we had a a
black woman who worked for us,
and uh
we lived near uh at the time,
we lived very near the
the school, the elementary school,
where I went, and
and
she would walk me to uh school, in the morning and come back and wait for me in the afternoon.
We had a woman to work with us umm up to
the time I started school. And she had worked for my grandfather, my grandfather was a doctor. She helped with his women patients. They didn’t uh have nurses, I guess a lot of doctors didn’t then, but she helped with the women patients, and after he passed away, my mother hired her to come and stay with me until I was about
6 years old. And then we had another one that worked for us for about oh let's see 4 or 5 years. And um as long as I was small she would walk me to school and umm comeback to get me in the afternoon.
Course they didn’t trust me to cross the streets without
getting hit!
The
Imaginisms of a,
Ms.Rose
School in’ 1958. Knoxville, TN Now
I really been to lots of places
H e h e he
y e a h.
I attended the Nettie Heller Borough’s school in Washington,
mmmhmm Washington D.C.
It was very ummmmm very nice and this school was a
a black
school and it trained black girls
you know,
How to be ladies. Then you had also school work you did along with this. And uh I think that’s where I kinda latched onto writin’ a lot because um I had a talent for it. Now this school it had an office and it was a regular school. It had a big building and uh uh it was a very nice black school.… So I’m not um I’m not braggin’ on this. I’m not braggin’ though...
Now my parents they were, they were real strict with it, very strict
but they taught me very
well too. They taught me how to act, you know , in front of other people. I didn’t want to do
and I better do,
not I didn’t want to do
I better do.
Ehhh
heh heh.
And they were proud of me, they were very proud.
Anything I had to do, they were right behind me. I think that’s what made me want to show off all the time...
Now they didn’t get to see the writing that I had ’bout Gabriel.
Daddy did but Mother didn’t.
But I sat up in here, it happened last year and wrote the thing about Gabriel.
Mmhmm. I I wish you could have seen Gabriel, I think you would have loved ’im.
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THE A造造OUNTS of Ms. Carolyn Cross
1932—1938. Nashville, TN
I uh
didn’t feel that we were lacking in anything
of course I had the usual toys, the little girl had ,
baby bug—a doll buggy you know, and fill it with dolls and things like that.
the dollhouse and uh uh uh the
I didn’t— My parents also bought me books uh you know
the little children’s books. So even from a small child I could remember having books and I was very very
proud of the fact that they, they were mine.
And I’d carry them around with me. And I would get
them to read to me before, see they had work to do at night, since both of them had lessons to prepare and things like that.
So I’d go first to
one and then to the other
and have them read to me. Heh heh heh.
They were glad when I got old enough to learn to read,
because they could put me down with some books and I’d just stay there and read my books; I—I didn’t go wanderin’ off.
Ah heh heh heh
I was safe yes.
course I just loved those books and I still, I’ve always loved reading all my life. And so it’s ah its uh interesting that uh it started with them buying me these little books and course then you could buy the small children’s books maybe a quarter or 50 ¢ents. But that was a lot of money then. So uh uh uh but I just remember I just prized those books! They were mine. Of
I guess I started reading early, I’m really not sure when .
But um my parents
would read
them to me uh so I uh I went to kindergarten when I was 5 uh and I learned you know some things then,
and then in first grade, I started school in 1940 , and um I had a
w onderfu l teacher, I had
uh the
same teacher
And she was an ancient lady, about 60 years old, um M s . B enson . for the first and se cond grade.
When I was in her class, which ah you know to
a child someone 60 of course now you don’t
think about someone being sixty,
that’s young!
Ah heh heh heh
A hh h but any rate she seemed ancient to us.
But we
read
loved her because she taught us how to
and very easily. I didn’t seem to have any trouble
because this woman was so
that uh
I’m so
fo r tunate that I
good, that I just think
had somebody
like that teach—that taught us the uuh the the
uh the
phonics. Which I don’t think
they use anymore. But I enjoyed it. I don’t know that did but to me it was
everyone
easy to learn. And I really like—once I got over the heh heh heh the shock just so
of starting the schools. Heh heh I thought th–that this was
optional when I wanted to go home after a heh heh but then my mother explained
couple of days
to me “
No, I had to go.”
But I really liked it, once I got used to it. was interested in reading
and
And
uh I
um and I was, always had
all my life.
The
Imaginisms of a,
Ms.Rose
Mat ches’ 1941. Knoxville, TN When I get the wiggles I start writing. And I’m
not a good writer,
I just write,
and I’ve been writin’ for years now because when I was
a girl I started writin’ in school.
And I wrote all kinds of things,
and then I became the secretary of my church. And worked there thirty years, and I wrote all kinds of things. And I got to travel a lot and went to school in Washington. Uh I worked at Knoxville college, just did
all kinds of things. And so I have a lot to write about if I want to write.
Heh heh I tell you,
one time I set the house
on fire!
Heh heh heh I think about that quite often. I guess if it were me I might‘ve killed me.
But anyhow I should have, they gave me a room upstairs in the house, a room by myself.
So I had uh uh they built me a doll uh a doll room, up there where, I put my dolls and toys. So something in there in that closet I wanted and I went in there to look for it and I didn’t see it, so I goes
and gets a match
and lights it
and got everything on fire in there!
Um my foster father, he, he he said, “ I smell somethin’ burnin’ ” and
I said,
and at first I acted like I didn’t hear what he said.
And so then he said it again and I said, “Oh yeah Daddy the room’s on fire, I caught the room on
fire.”
He said,
Heh heh heh I was sooo
scared an–and he said
he ruuuuun, you know,
he ran cause he just didn’t
know
what in the world was burnin! Daddy told me, he said, after that, he said,
“ I if I had whipped you for that,
I’d killed ya.”
Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh
E h h h h h And he said I would’ve killed ya. Heh heh heh. But um he had to throw all my little clothes away and everything.
Cause I had burned them up. Cause I had a room on my own. And he said, “I’m not buyin’ you anythin’
else.”
But we talked about, we would talk about
this fire business I did. uh huh.
But you know what’s funny?
What you get into when you were
young and foolish.
MIDORI t r a n s l a t i o n s
u n c o v e r e d
ah
some
w aarh some ah ah w on a r goingsome on war
ah
some
goi ng
wa r
going
on
going on
II 1939 1945
When I was ah growing up, uh huh, and uh most of the time
some ah
war going on.
Some .
And uh let me see I was growing up, when I was grade school I think, it um ever since nothing but— ah some going on—
war
One country to the other. And uh so um
most of the time um — war going on—
ah some
Yeah. And um Ahhh there was a
war going onand uh it was ah
bad and uh the bombing coming
every night. The the they don’t want the bombing is not in the
the daytime. It’s always ah nighttime. And uh school ah not closed. And uh
some of schools bombed in and
gone so then the students go to other schools and you know taking some a here and some a there and that kind of stuff you know. Um but it’s not ah that ah
good experience — ...it’s ah scary.
All the time, bombing.
Japan was fighting in the war and that’s why I never experienced over those um bombing across the city. But it was ah mostly a nighttime they do, daytime don’t. And when they get dark late at night, that ah starts coming ah bombing. But uh I was like I said, I was in the mountain side, see the city uh I was born in the um um born um
in a the um born
in
ah raised
it’s ah beautiful city it’s ah famous in the world. It’s a port. And um and uh beautiful city itself. And uh we ah lived in the mountain side so
it no bombing.
Coming the bombing is ah ah the shore, more like , uh because
because it’s ah indu-
strial area there, that’s why. Because coming
ah bombing and uh all almost the end of the war I think, that the time that they start
coming in the daytime and start ah
bombing in the people’s house. That was, it was scary. You know?
And um so I mean I have ah experienced something like that that I can tell you and I was a girl, teenager, those days.
0:27
I had never seen the forest for the trees.
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Not once did I question the Oak's sturdiness, nor the nicks peppering it's dark rings .
0:29
I wondered,
0:30
What rings did I have?
0:31
Who would see them?
0:32
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THE A造造OUNTS of Ms. Carolyn Cross
1948—1952. Nashville, TN
We didn’t have anything
like language clubs in the
high school I went to. Now some high schools may have, maybe private schools did.
But
um
I took uh
2
years of
Latin my first 2 years. Now my mother since she was
a school teacher she thought everybody should take Latin,
and this was just something people took to be educated. But uh at the end of the first week it seemed strange
to me at first,
you know
so much that
another language, but I enjoyed it
I really
languages ever since then.
I enjoyed learning other It just really interested
me and it fascinated me to look at a page wasn’t in English
which
but I could read it! And under-
stand what was going on. And so I took
Latin and 2 years of Spanish that was as much as we had.
2 years of
in high school and
Now in years past my cousins had gone to the same high school and
the oldest one took 4 years of Latin, they had
4 years of Latin when he was in school;
he graduated in 1939. So there had been more languages and almost disappeared
uh you know it was hard to get people to take, I suppose they just weren’t popular.
During the war uh, especially German, something like that wouldn’t of been popular. But I just like that, I was very small of course, before WWII, it didn’t affect me uh the way most people uh the older people that had the bias against German, but I just thought it was an interesting language.
The
Imaginisms of a,
Ms.Rose
Gabri el’ 2010. Knoxville, TN I I
love little odd things. I just,
like that little dog up there in the cabinet.
Well, they had
uh
a dog that came here,
to see the patients.
His name was Gabriel and Gab riel
a
was
big was German Shepherd I got his He a big dog a picture
right here.German But anyhowShepherd when Gabriel , came to visit, I hadn’t been here long.
But he was
new
to me
I fell in love with Gabriel,
and so
and so I decided I was gonna write.
II love to write. And I was gonna write somethin’ about Gabriel and I finally
wound up writn’ a story. Ummm
And
And
Everybody was just crazy about Gabriel and they gave a big program for it.
uh
I um my church was invited the membership, the pastor came and
channel 10 came
uh myandpastor came everybody came interviewed me as why I wrote this story.
And so I had quite a
time. But you know what ?
I felt good it wasn’t that outstandin but I felt good that
I was able to do something; while I was in here to draw the attention of other people. And this that was really really remarkable. and And I thought I was lookin perdy
eh and all this stuff. Heh heh hcosage
you know heh heh. I had on a
huh huh huh.
That story Oh‌ Put me up in the air.
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0:35
MIDORI t r a n s l a t i o n s
u n c o v e r e d
III
1939 1945
Sometimes daytime comes and airplane come and they not they just come it’s uh but uh
but they
no bombing in the daytime.
When they start ah bombing it’s always nighttime.
And the airplane come you know and everybody’s
whole city shut off
the lights. So they are dark so
they cannot see where
or what, but they have, they know where to you know you don’t have to be the lights on. You can do that and bombing you know.
So then the whole city shut off the lights, so we
cannot see what this or
that but they already have come in the daytime
take a picture and everything,
they know where is what you know?
0:36
THE A造造OUNTS of Ms. Carolyn Cross
1948—1952. Nashville, TN
Now one of the biggest changes
I've witnessed... well I think the computer.
I really, that’s uh and then of course you
get television um and that to
me was almost
like magic, that you could you know
turn on and see that rather than having just to listen.
I would go home after school usually, and some-
times I went, my mother taught nearby, so I uh sometimes I
went home with her. But um on Saturdays Uh the children in the neighborhood would go down in a group to
the uh neighborhood movie. To watch the Westerns.
Uh they started 3O’clock on Saturday afternoon, and so we’d go watch the Westerns.
So when I grew up that was our free day, Saturday, so we could go to the movie in the afternoon and
we'd watch the Western
and there were people like
Roy Rogers and Gene Autrey, you know the
names of the very famous names and a lot of different then um they were the serial they’d have an episode um in the story and it was ones
and
usually ‘round about 12 to 13 episodes. So every
week they would have an episode of this this story
and of course they left the hero in a very dangerous position at the end. You had to come the next week to
find out what happened. So that’s how they got you there every week!
0:37
MIDORI t r a n s l a t i o n s
u n c o v e r e d
IV
1939 1945
One time my leg bit by snake, yah, I was in um I was in hospital. I had my leg like you see my one side leg the uh the uh the uh I was operated. I had uh something wrong there. Uh the uh I had operation that time. And I was in the hospital and uh is still those ah bombing coming you know and uh that that was scary because I was just operated my leg and uh I couldn’t walk, unless somebody
carried me
you know.
But uh but it was ah
when they start a bombing and they hit
hospital,
Everybody else uh did do uh do something yourself.
It’s ah busy you cannot help nobody yourself is a busy.
You know what I mean? Those things happen.
And uh and I was lying uh on the bed and uh they bombing and uh part of the hospital was burned down. And I still in the uh bed nobody come and help me because they , everybody else was busy.
The
Imaginisms of a,
Ms.Rose
Tribula tions’ 1990–2012. Knoxville, TN
You won’t get through life without some problems. I have been married, I have been married, and my husband mistreated me.
And who came struttin here in the hospital but him in a wheel chair,
very very
handsome
looking guy,
and everything
and so I was you know
I was nice I wasn’t runnin over myself
Heh
heh heh. And finally um um bout 2 weeks ago yeah his brother died. And somebody came and told
me about it, some of the family that knew me and they
asked me if I would come down because they were gonna make funeral arrangements. Now I hadn’t been with him for several years, but I wasn’t makin no effort to go either. But I went I went and had uh was he and I never said very much but we were kind to each other just for saying hello, and so … uh… you always it always pays you that whatever somebody does to you, be kind to them.
And the reason I say this is because
that same person you might have to ask for a favor.
You might have to ask for something.
And just in today’s paper I read where my niece by that husband of mine um she died in today’s paper. And then he died since then and it hadn’t been since two weeks ago. He died right in
this hospital and so you never know where death lies you don’t know where anything is. He hasn’t been about 3 weeks or 2 weeks since he died here.
Mmmhmm mmhmm.
And um he and I used to have so much fun together laughin’ and talkin’ about my father,
now that my father was like
a
Big Bad Wolf.
His voice was heavy he would,
“
R rrrrrr.
You better do this, You better do that, You better not
touch her again.” And I went to Daddy and he protected me.
“ You here better not hit her no more! ” . So keep yourself in in um a good way in life the best
you can, you don’t have to be beholding
anybody but keep yourself so that
other people can’t talk about you. Cause people will do you bad if they can
0:38
THE A造造OUNTS of Ms. Carolyn Cross
2008. Knoxville, TN
Well I think one thing and this in a way is a negative. I had colon cancer about 3 , 4 years ago. And um we found out about it because I got anemic and they knew there was something wrong.
But when I found out that the surgeon um I
asked him what my chances were I didn’t know that uh
that could be one of the ones that could be taken care of if you got it soon enough. And he said he exp-ected me to be alright that he would not put me through that if he didn’t think that I would
be alright. And it has fortunately now has not
come back for 3 , 3 and a half years. So I was so happy when I found that out you know!
That just I had uh thought things were worse than that, I didn’t know that that was one of the ones
and if you find out in time uh it can uh be cured ! So um that’s one of things in the most recent years and that um ... now as far as how to go I just um
never umm thought about it before…
The
Imaginisms of a,
Ms.Rose
Deali ngs’ 1990–2012. Knoxville, TN
I’d go to the under-undertaker and when he had a funeral one time I decided, Bill had called me and asked
me would I take care of the undertaker while he went to a funeral? I told him yes I would.
And the undertaker was in a old buildin’ eh Heh heh h an old old buildin’, Heeh heh heh H h h e h and hehjuust when I got there it was about 12 O’ clock in the daytime.
Yep come a big ol’ Storm.
There wasn’t nobody but, Bill had gone to his funeral,
and I was left there to tend to the undertaker, til’ he came back.
I was so scared. Heh heh.
I was just shakin’
all over.
I didn’t tell nobody I was scared. I was picturing a couple people who had died
comin’ back. Come get us all scare us all.
And um the Trees were just blowin and all the trees were just wavin’ and the
leaves was Flyin
every which a
way.
I had always had a thing that I wanted to go to downstairs where they embalm people.
And I never did get to do it though. Watch them embalm somebody, I wanted to see it.
And I um decided that
day
that with other people gone
I would go down there.
I left church,
cause I worked at church til twelve in the day time, I left church and went down to Johnigans, hat’s the name of the funeral home.
And the Wind started
blooooooowin’ and the Trees was just a flippin and floppin over
nearly everything.
I got so scared there I forgot.
I forgot what I was doin’!
I was
so scared
the Trees were just
and
it was huge just a terrible Storm, the Trees
I never did get down
in
that basement
to see what they did there. I didn’t get to
get my drrream! I don’t think nobody could do that, what I went through that day. somethin’ says
And if
“ Boo! ”
down there I would’ve died!
0:39
MIDORI t r a n s l a t i o n s
u n c o v e r e d
V
2012
Everything changed. It’s not living anymore. You know? And I hope it’s not
nobody get that kind of experience.
It’s awful I mean it’s not living.
And I
Day and Night.
I hope you don’t get that kind of thing in your lifetime. don’t think eh
It’s uh not that good you know.
Because you just live that’s all , you can’t do a Thing.
Yeah that was then and um you don’t have ah those kinds of things you know.
You lucky you don’t have that.
0:40
THE A造造OUNTS of Ms. Carolyn Cross
2012 Knoxville, TN
Well, uh the lady in the next room has had a stroke and she tries to get up out of her chair and uh they have to watch her very carefully. She likes to sit out in the hall near the nurse’s station because it’s company for her and so she’ll keep trying
And I guess she um
her
mind
you by the stroke and she doesn’t
to get up.
has been affected
realize
that
She can’t walk
by herself.
She’s very shaky when she even stands up. So uh she um for some reason the medicine that
didn’t calm her down it you know made And so they had a hard time over the weekend uh the regular nurse that’s out there now, uh in charge, wasn’t here. And she seems to mind her and when that woman is off uh she just gets I think
she took
her agitated.
maybe that makes her more agitated. Somebody strange
in charge. I think it was that plus the fact that she
just got it in her mind that she wanted to go somewhere.
And she’ll say I wanna go home or I
wanna go get, you know uh she just wants to get out of her uh out of the chair. So its uh
she was just real
worked up over the weekend so that’s uh
it I think it haunts everybody.
Now I have been looking forward to getting back to walking uh at least with a cane or walker or something.
And so I can look forward to going home. And I just think, if I didn’t have that to look forward to I’d feel the same way. I mmean it is
why they feel,
you can understand
and she’s probably been here a while, and you know
she’ll still be here I don’t know if she’ll ever be able to go uh um back to living in her home so it’s uh …
Well it’s something that you see when you have to go back to the hospital for a while or something like that and they uh look like they don’t have any hope. You know of things ever being any better so...
The
Imaginisms of a,
Ms.Rose
ThisTour of Mine’ 1990–2012. Knoxville, TN
written poetry, not to a great extent but I started off. I have a book here , let’s see I’ve got a book here, one the books got poetry in it. Oh how come I didn’t bring all this stuff with me, it’s part of my life. I’ve
I don’t know what’s in this? Oh yeah it’s very important.
Heh heh heh heh
This don’t have anything in it. Not a thang.
Heh heh heh
Ohh . I was just mostly wrote Recipes from
my own things. Then I jumped off of that one and just
started writin in general. Whatever came into my
sights and I believe if I really try I really tried I think I could make itit right. But right now I’m not tryin because I’m like in here. And um I’m not really tryin’ but I do have a story to tell if I should ever get out of here.
Uh um and it’s my story about this this tour of mine that I’m makin now.
oottt
And uh I went through experienced a lo of different things in here that I didn’t know
that existed. And um I’ve never known a lot of things. And so now I’m workin just on, now sosomething will just come to my mind and when you put your mind to somethin something will come I learned.
to your mind that will give you the the thoughts
that you were thinkin of. If you’re writing
Poetry
and you’re writing about trees you know there’s uh uh a poem called Trees have you ever read it?
I THINK that I shall never see poem lovely as a tree.
A tree whose hungry mouth is prest Against the sweet earth's flowing breast; A tree that looks at God all day, And lifts her leafy arms to pray;
A tree that may in Summer wear A nest of robins in her hair;
Upon whose bosom snow has lain; Who intimately lives with rain. Poems are made by fools like me, But only God can make a tree. [poem “Trees� by Joyce Kilmer 1886-1918]
I’ll be frank with ya,
I don’t want no parts of this place But I’m in here and I don’t fuss and don’t grumble but there’s grumbling inside.
There’s grumbling inside of me.
And but I’m tryin to bear with it because I feel like something good is gonna come out of it. I don’t know what but I feel like that.
And I
had a
but I uh when
I had
I went
an automobile came to the hospital, I
don’t know
who has my car. Somebody has it. But um I understand that somebody at church has the car, I don’t have any relatives
of my own, and there’s somebody that has it and they’re
keepin’ it for me. But if I never see it again I’m happy about it, I’m not happy that somebody else got my car,
but I’m happy about it. Because someone who was a complete stranger that has my car. So you have to learn to take a lot of things in life. And you say, “ Oh Lord,
why
did this happen to me?”, no tellin why.
The Lord has to make you stronger sometimes.
But now that I’m in here and I’ve learned that people and I’m kind you know with people that are smart. And I try to to uh take some of their smartness and mix it in with
my
little smartness. Heh heh. And uh it works out
real well. Uh huh. And I don’t mind changing
things if I have to. I found to change a whooole
out in writing
lot.
you got
0:40
And here it was, the cliff I could not pass. The disease, the fear that festered my mind.
0:41
Here it was laughing at me as it surfaced, her eyes glazed over, as the disease took it's lunch
0:42
Devouring her life, one memory at a time
0:43
0:44
MIDORI t r a n s l a t i o n s
u n c o v e r e d
VI
1952–2012
Sixty? Is it sixty years now?! 50? About ah sixty years ago 1952. That’s when I came to the United States.
At the beginning
was something
didn’t never know in the summer. uh direct,
And uh
new that I came here
II
to Eerie and then I live here. I don’t know any
other place that much. I’ve been here all this time you know.
But um ah I came from
I’m a
big
city
girl. And
um
very much uh ahhh the uh modern. But um the city it’s a big city that’s where I came, because um those days… how many years ago I came here? 195-? that I
came
19..52! 1952
to the United States direct to
I didn’t go anyplace else ok? to this uh I mean You know? I was
much more
Eerie.
1952. And uh when I came
Eerie, Eerie is a sort of a small town. so surprised I thought it was a
modern here. You know and it’s such a
country here. It’s a a nothing here. And here I am I came from big city I have um girl um even a sub-
way was there uh you know when I was about… subway I think uh ahhh it started when I was about hmm maybe 2, 3 years old that long ago. It already there, subway.
Big city I came and modern city. Yeah and uh um
I came here to country.
THE A造造OUNTS of Ms. Carolyn Cross
2012 Knoxville, TN
Now I haven’t been back to the house
in Nashville, but someone told me uh the neighborhood
or the street that I lived on the houses have been I think taken over by some uh well not businesses but
some government agencies because its near high school.
And uh
that uh its just uh the houses have been fixed up and made into offices and things like that.
So I just never had gone back. I just thought it
was maybe a good idea not to go back and see things, you know how
they change because I have a picture of course in my mind
of the way things used to look and the way our house used to look.
But I understand its quite changed. I think its just something inside of you that you want to remember uh the way it looked then you know when you knew it.
II feel that way.
I’d like to remember it the way it was.
0:45
0:46
The
Imaginisms of a,
Ms.Rose
0:47
Passers on’ 2012. Knoxville, TN
You will too meet a lot of problems in your life. Just have fun solving those problems. They jump up at you. And uh even in here I had at least a little teeny weeny problems. 0:48
Yet I’ve had some good things some real good things that happened to me real good things. And um but anywhere you go And no matter what you do, you’re gonna have some problems.
But if I was to advise a young
lady
I would say
Don’t get angry at anything you hear. When you get your age um happen um I know
things just will
I had someone tell me something
years years ago. It didn’t sound too good to me
0:49
Yet it was somethin’ I could straighten out without havin’ to do terrible lot. Cause you can’t straighten out everything.
And don’t believe everything
you can be a little too trusting sometimes.
I think I’m sort of like that.
But now that I’m getting’ old
I feel 0:50
I feel like I don’t trust people anymore.
0:51
Not like I used to. And life will teach you that,
life will teach you not to trust. So instead some things you got to forget.
0:52
MIDORI t r a n s l a t i o n s
u n c o v e r e d
0:53
M:
Hello?
K: Hi Grandma it’s Kyoko. M::
Hi. How are you?
K: I’m good how are you? M: You are 0:54
wha–Who is this? Kyoko?
K: Mmmhmm M: Kyoko you're from um where? K: How are you doing? M:
Heh?
K: How are you doing?
M: I’m okay. Uh you are Kyoko? K: Yeah. M: You are from ah
No… Japan?
where, Texas?
K: No Tennessee. M: Huh? 0:55
K: Tennessee, I'm from Tennessee. M: : Oh Tennessee. Oh yeah right right right. How
are you?
I could imagine her stare boring into my eyes 0:56
as if searching for some sense, and I realized that at that moment .
we were a mirror
Her staring into me for what to say, and me hoping to discover an answer in her.
0:57
And maybe the answer never existed. Maybe there is no way to preserve my memories, no way to save hers.
0:59
Maybe one day I too will be stripped of who I am.
0:58
My beginnings, my terrors, my triumphs,
1:00
ripped
1:01
like a weed until the Earth   returns barren for those yet to grow.
1:03
Or maybe I think too small.
1:04
Carolyn, R, Grandma, I think I have found my answer.
Memories are not just a rock to be placed, passed from one hand to another, one generation to the next. Rocks do not yield, they do not grow. Nor are they as solitary as a plant. 1:05
Memories are changing, they are evolving, they mold, they mix, they create.
Memories are water. Your stories are water.
1:06
We are all connected; our pasts inform our futures. Every experience that we have is a drop, that contributes to a stream of conciousness, A human psyche that will live beyond our physical presence.
Each voice, your voice, will never be lost, could never be lost Your stories, your memories have collided with my own Have become a part of my own, 1:07
leaving impressions that will ripple through my generation just as my generation will ripple through to the next
1:08
I had feared time, feared my own erosion, 窶ッut
We are a stream that grows stronger with time.
1:09
We are a stream that will out live decay.
1:10
In Dedication To my Grandmother, Midori. A role model and a fighter to the Alzheimers disease.
Also a special thanks, to Carolyn Cross & Ms.R. Thank you both so much for welcoming me into your lives.