MIND, BODY, SPIRIT

BETTER ME … BETTER YOU … BETTER WORLD MIND body spirit

By mixing the ingredients of attitude and action, we can change the flavor of our own lives. Learn to nurture your body and soul to lead a more balanced life.

CHOOSING OUR THOUGHTS

ABOUT A YEAR AGO, I CAME ACROSS A BOLD STATEMENT THAT HAS GREATLY ENHANCED MY LIFE.

It’s influenced nearly everything I’ve done since then. Here it is: You can’t have love for someone.

It caught me off guard. Of course I can! I have love for my wife, and five children, my parents, siblings, and so many others. Fortunately, I read on …

You can’t have love for someone — simply think loving thoughts about him or her, and then consequently experience the feeling of love. I’ve studied this deeply ever since and found great liberation in it. The principle is that the circumstances of our lives (anything out of our control) do not determine our feelings, actions, or results. Only our thoughts do.

This is why Viktor Frankl could find peace in perhaps the most horrific circumstances imaginable. He wisely taught us that “happiness cannot be pursued, but must ensue.” The loving and disciplined Mahatma Gandhi similarly stated, “No one can hurt me without my permission.”

So why is this good news? Because we always retain our right to choose and change our thinking. Professionally, I help parents to create a clear family culture. They choose and convey the identity and behaviors that they know will yield lives of balance, meaning, and joy for themselves and their children. This principle of using our mind to create what we want is always among the first principles I invite them to further discover. How valuable this would have been for me to know when I had cold feet before, during, and even after my marriage. I thought that it was a sign that I had made the wrong choice — but really I see now that I had skewed ways of thinking about what a happily married person “should just feel” when they are with the right person. Thankfully, my wife has the patience of Job.

This ability to choose our thoughts doesn’t only extend to others but also (and perhaps most importantly) to ourselves. So many of us berate ourselves day to day, routinely finding evidence of our weaknesses. Sometimes we make it funny enough to share with others, but that is a poor use of our cleverness. That type of negative thinking never leads to the feelings of confidence, love, and gratitude that will enable you to do your best work. So take your thoughts captive, choose wisely, and create positive energy for you and your family. w

Weston Arntsen is a family culture coach who started Greentree Coaching after 17 years in the hospitality industry. He and his wife, Alison, are raising their five children in Davidson. Connect with Weston at weston@greentreecoaching.com.