Marriage 101

FAMILY

A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE IS BASED ON MANY THINGS—love, honor, respect, loyalty. But like any fluid, living thing, marriage must be cultivated, nurtured, and tended to; it mustn’t be ignored or left alone to try to flourish. When histories, egos, and personalities unite as one, there is much to learn. Here are a few topics to consider:

Keep communication open and dialogue welcome. Own your feelings and speak your truth but do so in a calm, practical, problem-solving way … use “I feel” and “I heard” as opposed to phrases such as “You always” or “Why can’t you?” This can come off as accusatory simply by the words you choose, so choose wisely.

Transparency is key. Professionalism with work colleagues is paramount, and open communication is critical here as well. Intimate settings are often necessary in business, but let your spouse know if there are one-on-one meetings with colleagues of the opposite sex. Then choose to meet in an open environment such as the office or lunch with a group.

Friends of the opposite sex can be tricky. Some questions to help in this arena are: Is your spouse fully aware of the friendship? Would you behave differently around your friend if your spouse were present? Would you feel uncomfortable if your spouse had a similar relationship with someone? This is the perfect time to honor the golden rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

That pesky testosterone! It is a scientific fact that men are less likely to use their brain when under stress due to testosterone. As cavemen you can see how this would be very practical when needing adrenalin to act quickly if a mastodon is heading your way—but in today’s world anger is not your ally. When you lose your temper, your primitive self is trying to get in control but you are actually losing status in the relationship. Keep your temper, ego, and instincts under check … therein lies your power. w