TEENS ALOUD

family teens aloud! your teen, translated

WHAT A TEEN WANTS.

When a teen pleads for the latest iPhone,

the hot new sneakers—“Mom, I need this!”—

Mom is quick to point out the difference between wants and needs. Needs, Mom says, include food, water, and shelter. But what about psychological needs?

There’s a strong chance your teen has a developmental need that goes unmet at school, at home, and in extracurricular activities: a need for autonomy.

L K N e x p e r t

Cyndy Etler is a boardcertified teen life coach and award-winning young adult memoir author. Her work has been featured on CNN, NPR, CBS’ The Doctors, Huffpost, Today’s Parent, and other international media. Here’s how it works. Adolescents are in the process of challenging and peeling away from their family, as they begin to evaluate everything they’ve been taught to be and believe since childhood. The small child is dependent on parents for survival, so they click their beliefs and behavior into matching their parents’.

As kids move into adolescence, they’re gearing up to be on their own, away from their parents’ caretaking and influence. They need to figure out who they are, as individuals...and they do it via that challenging-andpeeling-away process. (And, in turn, they cleave unto their peer group as a substitute community...which is why friendships are everything for teens, and why the world is ending if friendships go awry).

The majority of teens experience the opposite of autonomy. In school they’re told what to do, where to go, when to use the bathroom. With family, adults with good intentions make suggestions on what to do, where to go, how to be. And let’s not even get started on the influence of social media! Teens aren’t necessarily conscious of it, but they tend to deeply crave a sense of control over their own decisions, who they are, where they’ll go next.

A non-directive intervention like life coaching can meet that need. Sessions with a well-trained, ethical coach are 100% driven by the kid. It’s not about what the parent thinks the kid should be or do. It’s not about what school or sports or friends or the coach think the kid should be or do. It is strictly about the kid’s own perceptions of...

a ) What’s not going great in their life.

b ) How they would like those not-great parts to be different.

What they’re interested c ) in, and willing, to do to change those parts of their life.

As a coach, I don’t have answers or suggestions for the kids I work with. They have those answers inside themselves...we just tap into them in sessions. What I do have is the deeply listening, non-judgmental ear to catch whatever a teen says about their life, how they want it to be, and who they are...and the right questions to help them find those answers and get to where they want to be.

Want to help meet that deepseated, unmet need in your teen? Put your own goals and opinions on mental mute, then tell your kid you want to listen—just listen—to what they think about their life. What they want, now or in the future. What they are interested in trying on for size. Bet you twenty bucks you’ll find yourself in the kind of conversation that you’ve always wanted…and didn’t know you needed. w

home @

We know how busy life can get—kids, work, family, friends … sometimes just getting dinner on the table is a Herculean feat! So in an effort to save our readers some time, effort, and money here are a few tips, tricks, and hacks that might come in handy in your busy world!

FIRE STARTER TIPS

are great for keeping toilet paper clean and dry—or better yet, cut a slit along the side for the toilet paper to come out, attach string for hanging, and you’ve got your own portable toilet paper dispenser. PREMIX PANCAKE BATTER and pour into ketchup bottle for an easy campfire breakfast. Starting a campfire isn’t always easy so do yourself a favor and take along some help. Fill a cardboard egg carton with instant-light charcoal briquettes and light the whole thing, so simple! Or take empty toilet paper rolls and fill with lint from your dryer; wrap in

LARGE PLASTIC COFFEE CONTAINERS

newspaper, tie off ends with string, and voila!

TIPS, tricks, & HACKS CAMPING EDITION

USE A COFFEE CREAMER CONTAINER

for easy-tote, easy-pour scrambled eggs.

USE A PILL BOX

or Tic Tac containers to take a sampling of your favorite spices, sugar, flour, salt, pepper, etc. You don’t have to leave flavor in the kitchen when you

head into the woods!

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