REAL LIFE - ASYLUM SEEKER

ASYLUM

REAL LIFE

Take my hand and squeeze it harder “My name is Milad, and I am from Iran, what is your name? I’m Nick. oh, how interesting it is that you are from Iran. Tell me a little about gay life in Iran” This was part of a conversation between me and my new friend in Northern Ireland when he wanted to know about my experience as a gay man in Iran.

I always try to be fair in my words and express whatever it is. But what can I say because telling the facts is not always easy and sometimes very painful, maybe because I do not want to say too many problems, especially for someone I see for the first time, I try not say things that are very dark and scary.

Because he has no mental idea about being beaten in the street by the police or being arrested and flogged for drinking alcohol, because it is very embarrassing to tell him that in my country, the punishment for love between two boys or two girls is execution! Honestly, sometimes I feel ashamed of drinking alcohol at the bar because when I freely go to the Drag Show and dance, I suddenly come to myself and say to myself, so what about my friends who are in Iran and cannot enjoy any of these moments? I am often ashamed of myself when I think that my friends in Iran may not be able to go to the bar even once and even once they will not be able to see a drag show or have experience of kissing someone calmly without fear and stress.

Dear Nick, I must tell you that my country is among the top ten countries in the world in terms of torture, execution, and harassment of homosexuals. I witnessed the death of my friends, friends who once told me about their hopes and wishes, friends who were once and are not now. Dear Nick, I want to tell you about my 20-year-old friend Alireza, who had lots of dreams a free life and a beautiful world, he was different, he dressed differently, he was in love differently, he was finally killed by his cruel brother. His brother beheaded him so his lifeless body would be a message to all the people of the world so that the oppression and helplessness of Iranian homosexuals would be heard by all in the world.

Dear Nick, I apologize for not being honest with you and for not telling you that what happened to Parvaneh who was mistakenly told that you are transgender for years and that Iranian society and government have led her to change gender surgery.

The last time I talked to a Parvaneh, she was a beautiful girl, but she was not happy. She looked at me and told me with hatred, I miss my penis now I have no sexual feelings I think maybe I was not really Trans. I tried to take her words as a joke and told her, but you wanted to be a beautiful girl and now you are beautiful look how stunning you are!

A few months later, when I heard the news of Parvaneh’s suicide, I was so upset that to this day, the image of her saying this to me has not been erased from my mind. I wish I had never had this conversation with her, I wish the cause of your suicide would remain a question mark for me forever.

Dear Nick, do you want me to tell you about Arman? It was funny that my skinny friend with big glasses, who loved cooking, how he could be a threat to national security, just because he was gay! At the age of 20, we were both arrested at a simple birthday party, after which Arman came under pressure to work with Police security institutions. The Police forced him to cooperate with them. He desperately talked to me and tried to tell me about his troubles and problems, and I cooled down my friendship with him because I was afraid that he would spy on me. In disbelief, Arman’s body was found on the road around the city. They said he had an accident, but I could never believe that it was a simple accident. It taught me a lesson that I will never forget. He taught me not to misjudge anyone anymore because of the circumstances in which he finds himself.

Dear Nick, I wrote a small part of the story of thousands of hopes, of which there are no traces anymore, maybe I was very lucky to sit down with you and have a drink. I did not know anything when I came to Northern Ireland, I had no idea where it was and what would happen here. I’m still scared when I see police on streets here then I remember that I am no longer in Iran, and no one is going to harass me or arrest me here. I have good friends here and they love me like a family. It is true that they took everything from me in my own country, but I have a peace that is very valuable to me I have freedom which worth much more to me. I consider here my new home and I love it. I started to discover here streets little by little. I am fascinated to hear the accent of the people of Northern Ireland, and I truly consider here home.

Dear Nick, saying this about the situation of Iranian homosexuals may not be what you wanted to hear. I know it is no longer cool to live as a gay man in Iran! I’m sorry I disappointed you with my words, but it is a fact that maybe these are not words that I will tell you when I see you, but you know that I have overcome many problems. I really think that I am a survivor, so once again you See me, love me more, understand me better and take my hand and squeeze it harder.