Alone Together... lonliness at christmas

By: Daniel May

Christmas, the season of twinkling lights, festive tunes, and far too many mince pies, often comes with the expectation of togetherness. But for many in Northern Ireland’s LGBTQIA+ community, this time of year can amplify feelings of loneliness. It’s a harsh truth wrapped in tinsel—a reminder that while the world celebrates connection, some are left navigating a season of disconnection.

But fear not, dear reader. This feature isn’t here to sink you into despair but to reflect, explore, and yes, even bring a wry smile to your face. Because let’s be honest: nothing says survival like a well-timed chuckle over the absurdities of festive life.

A Rainbow in a Grey Sky

Loneliness doesn’t discriminate, but for LGBTQIA+ individuals, it often comes wrapped in unique circumstances. Northern Ireland, with its conservative roots and evolving (yet still challenging) societal attitudes, can sometimes make queer folks feel like they’re on the fringes. Family rejection, strained relationships, or simply not fitting into heteronormative holiday expectations can turn the “most wonderful time of the year” into a stark reminder of isolation.

Studies consistently highlight the disproportionate rates of loneliness and mental health struggles among LGBTQIA+ individuals. Add the pressure of a “perfect Christmas,” and the weight can feel crushing. But here’s the thing: perfection is a myth (and a boring one at that). If your Christmas involves a tin of Quality Street and a marathon of Drag Race, you’re doing just fine.

What Loneliness Feels Like

Let’s talk turkey—or tofu, if that’s your vibe. Loneliness isn’t just being alone; it’s the gnawing sense of disconnection. It’s scrolling through Instagram, seeing your excolleague’s dog in a Santa hat, and wondering why everyone else seems to have it together. Spoiler alert: they don’t.

Half of those smiles hide the same uncertainties we all share. For many queer folks, Christmas highlights spaces where we don’t belong. The traditional family dinner can become a minefield of awkward questions or outright hostility, especially for those whose identities are misunderstood or rejected. That’s why chosen families—those wonderful, diverse, messy collections of friends who truly get you—can be lifesaving.

Surviving the Season: Practical Tips with a Dash of Sass

1. Create Your Own Traditions

Who says Christmas has to involve relatives, awkward small talk, and another pair of socks you didn’t want? Redefine it. Host a glitter-soaked dinner party with friends, have a pyjama day, or throw a “bad Christmas movie” marathon. Spoiler: The Princess Switch 3 is delightfully awful.

2. Volunteer

Nothing combats loneliness like helping others. Northern Ireland is home to fantastic organisations like the Rainbow Project or HIV charity Positive Life, both of which often welcome extra hands during the holidays. Connecting with others while doing good? That’s a win-win.

3. Stay Connected

Can’t be with your chosen family? Bring them to you via video call. Sure, it’s not the same, but a glass of wine and a virtual quiz can make you forget you’re not in the same room. Bonus points for the most outrageous Christmas jumper.

4. Self-Care is Key

If the thought of socialising feels too much, don’t force it. Take a bath, watch your favourite show, or dive into a new book. Treat yourself like the absolute treasure you are.

5. Reach Out for Support

If loneliness becomes overwhelming, know that help is available. Services like LGBT Switchboard and Lifeline are there to listen without judgment. Asking for help isn’t weakness; it’s strength wrapped in bravery.

Finding the Funny in Festive Misery

Now, let’s inject a bit of humor into this rather serious topic, because laughter really is the best medicine (except, you know, actual medicine). We’ve all had that Christmas: the one where the turkey was still frozen, the relatives argued over politics, and you accidentally drank too much and cried over the John Lewis advert. Or perhaps you were forced to endure a Christmas cracker joke so bad it could have been banned by the Geneva Convention. (“What do you call a reindeer with bad manners? Rude-olph.” You’re welcome.) Humor is survival. Whether it’s turning off Love Actually because it’s offensively straight or giggling at your pet’s horrified reaction to their festive costume, find moments to laugh. And if you can’t, turn to queer icons like Bianca Del Rio or the Absolutely Fabulous reruns—they’ve never failed us.

Hope in Community

Here’s the heart of it: you’re not alone. Northern Ireland’s LGBTQIA+ community is vibrant and resilient, brimming with support networks, events, and people who understand. From Belfast’s queer-friendly bars to support groups that welcome with open arms, there are spaces where you’ll be celebrated, not just tolerated. And let’s not forget the power of online communities. Social media has its pitfalls, sure, but it also connects us in ways unimaginable just a decade ago. Whether it’s swapping memes with strangers or joining an LGBTQIA+ holiday support group, there’s comfort in collectiveexperience.

Looking Ahead

As the New Year approaches, remember that loneliness isn’t a permanent state; it’s a season like any other, and seasons change. Reach out, take small steps, and be kind to yourself. And if Christmas isn’t your thing, who cares? Make your own rules. Celebrate in March if you want. Call it “Christmarch.” No one’s stopping you. This Christmas, let’s honour the strength it takes to keep going. Let’s toast to resilience, authenticity, and the joy of being unapologetically yourself. And let’s remember: while loneliness may knock at the door, it doesn’t have to stay for dinner.

Resources for the LGBTQIA+ Community in Northern Ireland

Rainbow Project: Offers counseling, social groups, and events to connect with others.

Cara-Friend: Provides support for LGBTQIA+ youth and their families. Lifeline: A 24/7 crisis helpline offering immediate support at 0808 808 8000.

So, this Christmas, whether you’re surrounded by friends, alone with Netflix, or somewhere in between, know this: your story matters, your presence is enough, and your community is here for you. That’s the real magic of the season.