CONLETH KANE

COVID PUT PLANS OF HIS BIG YEAR ON HOLD

2020 WAS MEANT TO BE MY YEAR. MY DEBUT POP RECORD WAS MEANT TO BE RELEASED JUNE 26TH. I WAS DUE TO LAUNCH IT ON STAGE WITH THE LONDON GAY MEN’S CHORUS TO CELEBRATE PRIDE IN LONDON 2020. MY MUSIC VIDEOS ARE FILMED, THE GIGS, THE PRIDE FESTIVALS, THE APPEARANCES WERE ALL BOOKED IN AS PART OF A SUMMER OF ALBUM PROMOTION. TO SEE THE PROMOTIONAL CAMPAIGN CRUMBLE BEFORE MY VERY EYES WAS DEVASTATING. I PUT MY HEART AND SOUL INTO CREATING THIS POP RECORD AND COVID TORE MY INDUSTRY APART. GOD ONLY KNOWS WHEN IT WILL GET BACK ON IT’S FEET.

Lockdown has been one big rollercoaster, hands down the biggest mental test I have ever faced. I used to love watching BIG BROTHER back in the day and wondered why people were finding it so difficult to survive the quarantine experience. Now I know why. I went into shock and major disbelief when lockdown was announced. I’m a social butterfly and I didn’t realise just how dependent I am on seeing my friends and people in general. I’m also a performer - I’m most comfortable on stage with an audience and all of a sudden this was being taken away from me overnight.

I found the adjustment period difficult. I threw myself into online workouts and actively put everything to the back of my mind. I was in denial initially and the media were not helping.

It wasn’t all doom and gloom. There were some really beautiful moments in lockdown. The air felt clear. The evenings were silent and I fell asleep and woke up to the sound of birds every day. I have never experienced this whilst living in central London. Usually I would be complaining about the noise coming from the restaurant below or I’d have to close my windows to block out the sound of people at the weekends. That all stopped. I became a vegan in January and being at home so much gave me an opportunity to really explore new cooking recipes. I would sit and enjoy my food without having do dash to meet a friend or run to the gym. My life before March 2020 was extremely fast and all of a sudden, I was forced to slow down. I got back into the habit of reading. I used to love books but my mind was so busy in recent years that I would sit down and read and nothing would go in because mentally I was so preoccupied. To sit with my feet up, reading a book whilst drinking a glass of red wine and listening to birds in the background was not how I envisaged my weekends to be. I managed to spur some of my creativity into recording a charity single to raise money for the NHS and The Rainbow Project which was a wonderful experience.

As the experience drew to an end I felt a sudden urge to withdraw from Social Media because it because a toxic playground filled with arguing and heated debates. Literally the entire world are sat at home on social media digesting incredibly negative news headlines about the pandemic, death toll figures, riots, protests etc. There came a point a few weeks ago where I felt numb from the sheer amount of unnecessary negativity on the internet. I had to take a 7 day break to give my brain an opportunity to breathe. I felt brainwashed by the media. I would open the facebook or twitter app on my phone and within seconds I felt a wave of anxiety. I became a victim of the dark side of social media and I felt powerless and not in control. I found myself unable to concentrate in my yoga or my mediations and my mind was full of chaotic and dark thoughts. My dreams became affected by the situation too. There really was no escape. the only thing I could do was not look anymore. I struggle with my mental health and I hate feeling like I am on uneasy territory. I like to feel in control and this situation left me feeling like I was under water. I have never felt this vulnerable before. I had to constantly remind myself that life really is a shadow of it’s former self, and it’s important to acknowledge that we are in a very unique point in our lifetimes. It’s our duty to be kind to ourselves and not beat ourselves up if we make mistakes or fall down holes during this time.

I know there will be no return to how life was before and that does sadden me. However, I am optimistic about the future and I know for a fact that I will never take anything for granted ever again. I was like a hamster on a wheel before Covid - constantly running. Being forced to stop was a shock to my system, but perhaps it was the break my mind and body truly needed. I now feel rejuvenated and excited about the release of my new music. I have made a great pop record and I can’t wait to share it with the world.

Conleth’s new EP ‘Liberty’ will be available on all major online platforms on 8.8.20

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