Why we love to love… Exploring the science of attraction

You’d think a blind date between love and science would result in an evening of awkward silences, but it turns out the pair have plenty in common. Paa looks at the chemical reactions in our bodies that occur when we feel attraction and selects some of the best romantic spots in Tanzania to share with your significant other. As is only fair, we also spare a thought for the singletons out there.

What is Love?

Whether you are looking for ‘Mr/ Miss Right’ or happy to make do with ‘Mr/Miss Right Now’, attraction can come with some strange symptoms. Think of the last time you unexpectedly met someone that enchants you. You start to sweat, suddenly become incapable of forming a coherent sentence and are struck by a physical clumsiness that makes even walking normally suddenly beyond your skill-set. OK, perhaps that’s just me, but there is plenty of scientific evidence that feelings of love release a potent chemical cocktail inside of us that can have a transformative effect on our behaviour.

Attraction floods our brain with the ‘happy hormones’ of oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin, causing a surge of positive emotion. It’s one of the best feelings in the world, which is why finding love has been considered throughout history as life’s ultimate goal. The euphoria can be so consuming that the love-struck can struggle to give thought to anything else – even eating and sleeping. Scientists have found the rush of the release of these hormones induces a drug-like high and can be just as addictive. The beginning stage of falling in love – which scientists’ term ‘limerance’ – cannot be sustained forever and the hope is it develops into something deeper, more honest and understanding.

Finding our other half

Is love life's ultimate goal?

If it does, it might be time to put a ring on it.

However, not all relationships end well and the sudden withdrawal from such a high can be hard to take. History is littered with relationships that famously did not work out: Paris of Troy and Helen; Mark Anthony and Cleopatra; and Diamond Platnumz and…well, take your pick.

So, to ensure your hot date blossoms into a relationship that welcomes many more February 14 celebrations, here’s some advice from Nairobi-based life coach and Paa columnist Sona Parmar on how to make love last.

The 4 laws of (keeping) attraction

Dating apps abound and the pool of eligible singletons is staggering. So why is it so hard to make it past the honeymoon phase? Sona Parmar reveals four ways to seal the deal.

1. Be happy first. Much like alcohol, a partner can’t make you happy; s/he simply amplifies what you already feel – a bit like icing on a cake. It’s your job to make sure the cake is already phenomenal.

2. Get clear on what you want. Unashamedly knowing that you prefer a quinoa salad to a mushroom souffle is a good thing. Think of what you’re looking for and how that will make you feel. It’s not about dating someone wealthy because they have money, say, but because of how you’ll feel when they spoil you.

3. Start as you mean to go on. Relationship dynamics are like cement: malleable in the early days, impossible to change as time goes on. To quote relationship guru John Gray, “create a series of positive dating experiences”, show the other person how you want to be treated and trust that the right person will stay. Create a good flow.

4. Falling in love is easy; we see only the positive. The real question is, can you live with the traits that annoy you? This is what determines whether your new squeeze is a keeper.

nutritionbysona.com @inspirationbysona on Instagram

Best places for a romantic date in Tanzania

If you’re looking to treat a budding influencer…

The food of love

Ahlan Restaurant in Dar es Salaam

If there is a rival for your significant other's affections in as much as they love themselves almost as much as they love you, Ahlan Restaurant, in Dar es Salaam, would make an ideal location for a dinner date. Its wall of imitation red, pink and white roses has become the backdrop of choice for Instagram selfie enthusiasts and this popular place, in hospitality hotspot Oyster Bay, attracts a stylish, young crowd. The food is just as eye-catching with the menu including a 'burger wheel' - a selection of bite-sized burgers and sides arranged on a miniature fairground wheel and brought to your table - and a tasty range of wraps, salads, cocktails and milkshakes.

The food is just as eye-catching with the menu including a ‘burger wheel’ – a selection of bite-sized burgers and sides arranged on a miniature fairground wheel

For more information, visit its Facebook and Instagram page at ahlan.tz

For a loved one who loves to be pampered…

The temperature may rarely drop below 30°C in Zanzibar, but the is land is still a wonderful place for chilling out and one of its most relaxing spots – a haven of peace amid the bustle of Stone Town – is Cinnamon Spa. Here you can choosefrom more than 30 therapies andtreatments using the finest organicingredients from the archipelago. Ifyou are attending with a loved oneand want to be pampered as a pair,the spa offers 60-minute couple’smassages as well as a specially created two-hour package for which includes a Cinnamon Swirl Exfoliation just for her and a Karafuu (clove) and Coconut Exfoliation just for him. Then while one enjoys a full body massage, the other can give their skin some intense conditioning cocooned in Cinnamon Carrot Hydrating Wrap. It’s all topped off with an Indian head massage. For more details, visit cinnamonspa.net

Pamper your loved one at Cinnamon Spa in Stone Town, Zanzibar

For a date with adventure…

If your other half is a thrill seeker who feeds on adrenaline, they are going to love you for ever if you organise a white-water rafting adventure for the two of you on the Rufiji river. The river rises in southwestern Tanzania and winds through the Selous GameReserve before emptying into theIndian Ocean and there is some steepsection along the way where the water picks up speed and turbulencefor some Class 4 and 5 rapids. Tour Company Wantok Adventures runsrafting adventures here throughoutthe year. For more information, visitwantokadventures.com

For escaping together…

If you want some exclusive one-ononetime with your partner thena few nights at the Lake ManyaraTree Lodge could be in order. You’llalso get some undisturbed qualitytime with some of the best wildlifeTanzania has to offer. These 10 luxurytree houses make up the only lodgein the whole of Lake Manyara NationalPark so you are alone to explore itswonders such as a flamingo-filledsoda lake with buffalo, cheetah,giraffe and impala roaming its shores.

Tree-top dwelling is the way to go around here with even the park’s lions getting in on the act and spending the days lazing on branches before descending to hunt at sunset.

For more details, visitandbeyond.com

Pretty in pink

Lake Manyara

To fly away with your dream date…

There can be few more romanticsights than seeing the plains of theSerengeti wrapped in dawn’s glow asyou soar silently overhead in a hot-airballoon. The cool morning air meansthis is an active time for wildlife hereand you may catch sight of predatorssuch as lions and cheetahs on thehunt or, dependent of the time ofyear, get an appreciation from aboveof the scale of the wildebeest andzebra migration. It’s a luminous, oncein-a-lifetimeexperience and madeeven better when shared with a lovedone. There are many companies offeringhot-air balloon experiences here,but Scott Dunn ups the romancewith a champagne breakfast onceyou’ve come back down to earth. Visitscottdunn.com for more details.

Valentine’s for singletons

Laugh away the heartache…

You don’t have to fall in love to get a serotonin hit. Laughter is also a natural tonic for mind and body. A night out at one of PunchLine TZ’s regular comedy nights in Dar es Salaam is sure to get you giggling. The PunchLine team have been pivotal in establishing a stand-up comedy scene in the city with its weekly Raw show at Flames Restaurant, in Masaki, and the PunchLine Comedy Club at Hamu Restaurant each month. Host Evans Bukuku and a revolving roster of international and local comedians are sure to get you in a good mood.

For more information, visit punchline.or.tz

Start singing…

Get some of your single friends together, get glammed up and sing your hearts out to your favourite tunes. The popular Dar chain of seafood restaurants Samaki Samaki holds karaoke nights every Wednesday and rooftop bar Level 8 at the Hyatt Regency is also a great place to belt out your favourite break-up songs.

For more information, visit samaki.com and @HyattRegencyKilimanjaro on Facebook