Chasing Lights BY JETT PEDERSEN ‘25 His tires rumbled under him, burnt out from the weight they had been carrying for the last couple hundred miles. The rearview mirror showed the highway stretching for as long as he could see, and he watched for a while as the painted concrete way home ran away from him, but that was what he wanted. That was why he was in his old 2004 Ford Ranger, heading to New York. “Gotta keep my eyes on the road,” he said to himself quietly, even though he was the only person out there for miles. The last sign of life he saw was the deer he had almost hit the night before; it had run out in front of him, not knowing that a car was hurtling down the road directly towards it. When he saw those big beady eyes reflecting in the headlights, he had slammed on his brakes so fast that he was lucky to have been wearing a seatbelt. Where was the deer going? What was he running from? He preferred not to think about it because it reminded him of where he was going and what he was running from. Unlike the deer, however, he had the radio for company, but more importantly to help push those thoughts down. The sun was beginning to set, and he no longer had to put the visor down over his windshield. He slowed to a roll, stopped, and pulled the handle on the door. He took in a breath of stinging cold air, held it, and watched it cloud in front of him. He needed it. Badly. Driving all day had taken its toll on him and his car, and its cheap black paint was starting to chip, revealing the silver color he had tried to hide for so long. Its bumper looked mangled from where a car had run
into him when he had turned out of his driveway only a week after buying it. He pulled the handle on the door and slowly got out. As he sat on the tall grass, he felt the temperature go from chill to freezing as the sun made its way down. The sun traveled the same journey from east to west every day, and he wondered how it found it so easy to make a fresh start. He couldn’t relate to it in that regard. He wondered if the sun ever got tired of making that journey. He wondered if it ever thought that making a new start somewhere isn’t so new after doing it so many times. With one final glance at his only friend, he watched as it dipped below the horizon and missed its conversation. The night sky illuminated his thoughts, and the chilly air reminded him he was, in fact, breathing. He debated whether things would be better in New York. Maybe. Doubt was a creature that had pierced his mind throughout his trip. Why would New York be any different? The places he had been before hadn’t been, so he had run away from them too. He thought if he were the deer from the other night, he would have turned and tried to outrun the car coming towards him, even when just crossing the street would be the smarter thing to do. He couldn’t change that about himself. He couldn’t keep the paint on his Ranger from chipping forever. He couldn’t outrun a car coming towards him at sixty-five miles an hour. No matter the scenery, he would still be breathing the same air that he saw in front of him on this cold night. He would always be himself, which he could never outrun.
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