Do Not Be a Victim of the Insecurity of Others

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Do Not Be a Victim of the Insecurity of Others [by A. Harrison Barnes, Esq.] Your instincts might tell you to always show how you are the best at whatever you are doing. This might not be a good idea, says one of our recruiters, because of the insecurities that partners tend to develop.

Attorneys work extremely hard in large law

All working situations require a distance

Over time, whether it is six months or a year,

firms to achieve partner status. Even when

between people. When you are hired by a law

the associate will begin to understand the

they do become partners, there remain dif-

firm, it may be to work for a particular part-

partner’s social and intellectual strengths

ferent lines of authority between partners

ner who may have hired you because he or

and weaknesses. At first, the associate will

which make some feel important and others

she felt comfortable with you and had shared

not act on this and will continue to work as

quite insecure. When an associate is deal-

interests. Never mistake these shared inter-

he always has for the partner: as a dedicated

ing with a partner, he or she is dealing with

ests of perceived affection for anything more

servant.

someone who is in a position to feel insecure

than a professional relationship.

Napoleon once said, “If I am seen too much

because there are almost certainly going to

at the theater, people will cease to recog-

be more important partners above him or

In the law firm environment, partners may

her. The best thing you can do in the law firm

share with you all sorts of details about their

nize me.” Those in authority with a good

environment is cater to a partner’s need to

personal lives. You may get to know about a

sense of social intelligence realize that they

feel important. Conversely, one of the worst

partner’s family, may discuss personal is-

should never become too familiar with their

things you can do in a law firm environment

sues at lunch during business trips, and you

subordinates. Because partners are also not

is do things to make a partner feel insecure.

may even go out and get drunk with a partner

the most socially intelligent, as you work

When you make a partner feel insecure, the

or group of partners on occasion. Because

for them more, many will make overtures to

response of the partner is generally to stop

your superiors are people too, you may begin

form a personal bond. This may be a couple

giving you work or lobby for you to be fired or

to feel that the partners you are working for

of beers after work or it may be several cli-

replaced.

are your friends. As the relationship develops

ent meeting trips you go on where the two of

and the level of familiarity increases, you

you necessarily end up spending a lot of time

This article discusses two steps that gener-

may even be under the impression that

socializing together. As you spend more and

ally occur in an associate’s relationship with

mistakes in work can be handled as friends,

more time with a given partner, he or she

partners that can make a partner feel inse-

as well. None of this could be further from

will become familiar to you. You will begin to

cure. First, the relationship will generally

the truth.

notice faults and see the partner for what he is: another human being.

start out well but will progress to the point where an associate may take for granted a

It is a very typical pattern inside a law firm

partner’s affections for him or her. Second,

for an associate to begin doing work for a

What most associates do not realize is that

the associate may publicly outshine a partner

given partner and when the associate per-

partners become familiar with them and

he or she is working for. It is the latter mis-

forms well, the partner increasingly gives the

give them a great deal of work because they

take that is most often fatal to an associate’s

associate more and more work. At first, the

believe a given associate makes them look

career. Despite a consistently excellent

partner is very unfamiliar to the associate

good. With the increasing levels of familiarity

work product, the associate will quickly find

and the associate is doing everything within

with the partner, there often comes a turning

himself out of a job despite being a very good

their power to produce outstanding work

point: something breaks down and the as-

practitioner. Finally, this article concludes

product and impress the partner. In addition,

sociate begins to take the partner’s affection

with some advice as to how to avoid inspiring

the associate will be extremely dedicated and

for him for granted. Finally, the associate

insecurity in partners.

will do whatever he can to make the partner

begins to actively be aware of his strengths

look good. He will ensure that the work he is

vis a vis the partner’s.

doing for the partner and the advice he gives A. Do Not Take for Granted a Partner’s Affections for You

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the partner is of the highest quality.

What the associate often does not realize is that his presence and the dedication he has

continued on back

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WEEKLY RECRUITER SPEAK

shown to the partner in the past is something

law firm unfolds to them. In the law firm

gence. This is especially so with clients of the

that was very comforting to the partner. In

environment, there are necessarily a certain

partner. It is a massive career mistake to be-

addition, the associate’s presence made the

number of associates who “get it” fairly early

lieve that by displaying your superior intelli-

partner feel important and more secure in

on. These associates, eager to impress,

gence you will be impressing the partner and

the work environment knowing someone

become competitive in demonstrating to

winning further affection from them. Instead,

was looking out for him. As the relationship

everyone in the firm just how smart they

you will stir up insecurity and a wide variety

between the partner and associate develops,

are. In fact, many of these associates may

of negative emotions in the partner. Due to

it is common for some associates to suddenly

be quite surprised when they discover they

this, the partner will not want you around.

believe they need to show others (either

know more and are more intelligent than

People want to spend time with those that

subtly or not) that they are smarter, more ca-

many of the partners they are working for.

make them feel good about themselves.

pable and better attorneys than the partners

Empowered by this new revelation, they may

they are working for.

be under the impression that partnership and

Finally, I should add that in addition to

even “running the firm” is not too far off.

inspiring insecurity in a partner by publicly demonstrating your intelligence, you can

B. Do Not Outshine the Partners You Are

Socially intelligent associates are careful not

also do this in the social milieu, as well. For

Working For

to let others become aware of just how smart

example, if you are working for a partner who

they are. The reason the socially intelligent

is very awkward socially and you are a social

Once an associate has become quite familiar

associates do this is because they know that

butterfly and able to mingle with a wide

with a partner socially and has begun to un-

if they flaunt their superior intelligence in

variety of people at parties and make others

derstand the partner’s intellectual ability at

front of partners, they will inspire fear and

laugh and so forth this is likely to make a

work and the partner’s particular strengths

insecurity in these partners.

socially opposite partner you work for feel

and weaknesses, he may be under the

insecure. You need to be extremely careful

impression that he is “set.” The belief is that

After a year or two, when associates figure

about social aspects like this because they

because the partner loves the associate so

out what is going on with regards to the

can be fatal to careers because they inspire

much, the associate has suddenly reached a

intellectual aspects of practicing law, many

insecurity. Even talking about your social

different plane than other associates and can

quickly begin to learn that they are smarter

expertise can upset partners who are not

begin behaving in a manner different from

than many of the partners they are working

similarly situated.

other subordinates in the firm.

with. They may comprehend issues much more quickly, they may see a “broader

I know a female associate who once worked

This process of taking the partner for

picture” than partners, they may understand

for another female partner inside a law firm

granted will proceed gradually. At first it may

aspects of the issues that will solve the

in a very small practice group. For the most

be answering client questions that the as-

firm’s clients dilemmas more effectively. Fi-

part, the department was comprised of just

sociate would normally refer to the partner.

nally, because they are still quite new to the

the associate, one other associate and the

Over time, as the associate gains increasing

game of practicing law, such associates are

partner. The woman partner was not that

confidence, the behavior may begin to esca-

often eager to demonstrate how strong they

attractive and even spent office time asking

late to the point where the associate begins

are by showing the partners they are working

the associate to assist her with writing ads

disagreeing with the partner about issues in

for, law firm clients and other associates just

to advertise the partner’s availability on an

public, telling others in the presence of the

how smart and motivated they are. In their

online dating site and to review classified

partner that the partner is wrong about vari-

seemingly profound understanding of the

ads for her. The partner became very friendly

ous things and taking credit for most of the

issues they are dealing with, such associates

with the associate, went out drinking with her

work-both at the firm level and in the pres-

may believe they are impressing partners

frequently and even called the associate late

ence of clients. When the associate starts

and those around them a great deal.

at night to talk about her life. The partner

doing this, he is outshining the partner.

frequently spent a lot of time telling the At first, the partners around the associate

associate how unfair the world was because

One of the more common mistakes associ-

who is behaving like this may pretend to

there were no suitable men out there and

ates make in law firms is becoming “too big

appreciate the associate’s superior intellect

men were not interested in women over 40.

for their britches” as their understanding

and insight. However, partners (like all of us)

Additionally, the partner would frequently

of legal issues, the intelligence of various

want to feel secure in their knowledge and

update the associate on how long it had been

partners and the political landscape of the

superior to those around them in intelli-

since her last date.

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continued

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WEEKLY RECRUITER SPEAK

One day, the associate came into the partner’s

attorneys have sought me out for my exper-

asked to be a “drone” this could not be further

office and at a certain time in the conversa-

tise, they generally are there to listen to my

from the truth. You need to learn to become

tion showed her a picture of an attractive man

advice as to what they should do. This goes for

socially intelligent. These same skills will

she was involved with. The associate told the

partners as well as associates.

one day work with clients if you make it that

partner how much she liked the man and that

far. By making the partners around you feel

she had spent the weekend with him. After

Something I have noticed over and over again

important, secure and good about themselves,

that, the associate noticed a rapid change in

is that the attorneys who have had the very

you put yourself in the position to get more

the quality of her relationship with the part-

best careers (be they partners or associates)

work and gain favor and eventual election to

ner. The partner stopped socializing with her

with the best academic backgrounds are also

being a partner.

completely. The partner also stopped giving

the ones likely to act the most naïve when I

the associate work. Within two months, the

am offering advice. The socially and academi-

Finally, by playing this game and making oth-

associate was asked to find another job by the

cally smartest attorneys looking for help will

ers look better than you, the control for your

management committee of the firm and told

never try to make me feel as if they are more

future rests with you and you will let others’

she had three months to find a job. What had

intelligent than me. Instead, they will act

insecurity work for you. If you play the op-

formerly been an ideal relationship suddenly

naïve and make it seem as if they need the

posite game and decide to shine, you risk the

turned south. This sort of thing is all too com-

advice. They will also even ask questions that

strong possibility that others’ insecurity will

mon: A former favorite falls out of favor by

I know are obvious to them so that I can give

end the game far too early for you.

daring to show strong personal attributes.

an answer.

In conclusion, never, never assume for one

What is going on with this particular dynamic

moment that you can or should be better than

is important to understand. It is something

the partners you are working for, either intel-

that many successful students do with their

lectually or socially. The egos of the partners

professors and something that successful at-

you are working for are apt to be very fragile

torneys do with their superiors. When you are

and you disturb them at your own risk.

dealing with partners, it is always important to make them feel as if you need their advice.

Partners wants to bestow upon you their expe-

C. How to Avoid Creating Insecurity in the

rience and feel wanted. In addition, making

Partners You Work For

partners feel wanted and seeking their advice also serves to help them feel superior. You

If you are smarter than a partner you are

need to make the partners working for you

working for and you have ideas that logically

feel superior. Asking for insight into vari-

and legally are obviously better than his or

ous ideas and so forth (as long as you do not

hers, ascribe these ideas to the partner. In

do it too frequently) will make a partner feel

fact, you should make an effort to ascribe

needed, intelligent and secure. If a partner

these ideas as publicly as possible. Do this

is in a position where he cannot bestow his

with clients. Tell other partners how good the

experience on you and feel superior, he may

ideas of the partner you are working for are.

instead feel ill will. If you do not need him, he

Be clear that what you are saying is merely

may conclude he does not need you either.

an echo of the ideas of the partner you are working for.

D. Conclusions

In my position as a legal recruiter, I have the

In order to succeed in your interpersonal rela-

opportunity to meet some of the smartest

tionships with partners and become a partner

attorneys out there. When I meet them, I am

yourself, you need to sublimate your strengths

looking for several things. Though I already

of intellect and your social strengths to the

have their backgrounds in front of me, I am

partner you are working for. This is essential.

fleshing them out with a personal meeting.

Because the substantial majority of these

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While this advice may seem like you are being