Parents - March 2020 by Lawrence Ambrocio

S W E E T T R E AT S W I T H H A LF T H E S U G A R ( Y E S !)

MOM BOSS ENERGY!

S M A R T WAYS T O D E A L W I T H S P R I N G A LLE R G I E S

DRUG STORE- BE AUT Y WIN S : B E S T E V E RY DAY B R A N D S

TAMRON HALL WITH HER SON , MOSES

THE JUGGLE IS REAL, BUT YOU’VE GOT THIS

New Ideas for Outdoor Play

#bucketlist

PLAN A TRIP YOUR FAMILY WILL NEVER FORGET

MARCH 2020 PARENTS.COM

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CONTENTS

I N E V E RY I S S U E 6 Editor’s Note 9 Let’s Get Real 14 You’re Welcome 104 Giggles

KI D S

YO U

17 News + Ideas Doctors share the health hacks they use with their own kids. Plus, how a smart speaker can help with bedtime (really).

47 Psst: Beauty Wins in Aisle 5! Top drugstore finds that are as convenient as they are effective

22 Allergy-Proof Your Family Everything you need to tackle seasonal sniff les 26 Is Your Child Outside Enough? Fun ways to make the most of the great outdoors, from setting up forts to playing in the rain 32 Feel-Good Books to Read Together Five titles destined to give your whole fam the warm fuzzies 38 The New Way to PB & J Freeze it in snack cups, liven it up with cheddar, and other twists on a lunch-box staple 44 Animal House! Meet Kila and her tabby cat, Lilo.

70 When Mom’s the Breadwinner, There’s No Loser A couples therapist on how to prevent tension about different salaries 74 Women’s Health News Caring for your back, the surprising benefits of hempseed oil, and more

54 Tamron Hall Is Doing It All The TV host, new parent, and #momboss takes us through a day in her life.

LI FE

62 Your New Career Mindset Ambitious young moms are changing work norms. 66 How to Succeed in Business Without Really Sleeping Thrive on the job even when you’re exhausted.

77 Make Your Closet Your Happy Place Organize, purge, and style this essential space. 82 What Pets Can Teach Us About Parenthood Wisdom from the cats and dogs in your life

ON THE COVER Tamron Hall and her son, Moses, 10 months. Photograph by Mei Tao. Wardrobe styling by Eric Niemand. Hairstyling by Johnny Wright. Makeup by Tenelle Veira. Manicure by Candice Idehen using Medusa Nails. Prop styling by Tracy Morgan. Child wrangling by Melanie Sawyer. On Tamron: Dress, Magda Butrym. Shoes, Malone Souliers. Earrings and ring, Jennifer Miller. On Moses: Kissy Kissy. Taxi toy, Chango & Co.

86 Best. Trip. Ever! Cities, resorts, and national parks that will wow your school-age kid 90 Treats With Half the Sugar! Clever recipes that still satisfy everybody

AG E S + STAG E S 97 Pregnancy Tend to teeth and gums. 97 0–12 Months Establish sleep routines. 98 1–2 Years Put the brakes on sass. 98 3–4 Years Encourage a wallflower to blossom. 100 5–6 Years Stick to your rules. 102 7–9 Years Help your child master telling time. 102 10–12 Years Talk about the dangers of vaping.

PA R E N T S

3 MARCH

2020

“Reese Witherspoon. I love that she launched a second career helping others discover great books.”

Who’s your #momboss idol? JULIA EDELSTEIN Editor-in-Chief Executive Creative Director AGNETHE GLATVED Executive Editor MIRANDA VAN GELDER Managing Editor PATRICK MOFFITT Deputy Editor DIANE DEBROVNER

“My friend Tina helps run her husband’s business, has two boys under 5, and somehow manages to feed them only healthy, balanced meals. Amazing!”

Beauty Director KATE SANDOVAL BOX Lifestyle Director LAURA FENTON Senior Editor, Features KATIE ARNOLD-RATLIFF Senior Editor, Nutrition and Travel KAREN CICERO Entertainment Editor JESSICA HARTSHOR N Associate Editor, Beauty SHANNON M. BAUER Associate Editor, Features EMILY ELVERU Editorial Assistants KYLEIGH LEDDY, KARA THOMPSON ART & PRODUCTION Art Director EMILY FURLANI Associate Art Director JAMIE LEE Senior Designer MARIA FERNANDEZ-DAVILA Art Assistant AVA BRAMSON Production Director VINCENT M. SPINA PHOTO Executive Photo Director LILY FRANCESCA ALT Photo Director DAVID COOPER Photo Editor JOANNA MUENZ Photo Coordinator MAGGIE BLATTEL Assistant Photo Editor ERIKA THOMPSON RESEARCH & COPY

“My mom is a costume designer for TV and film, and seeing her run her workplace showed me that it’s totally normal for a mom to also be a boss.”

Research Director BARBARA BRANDON-CROFT Copy Chief JEAN RODIE Copy Editor SHELLEY WOLSON Test Kitchen Project Manager LINDA BREWER, R.D.N. Deputy Managing Editor TARA LUSTBERG Executive Operations Coordinator, Office of Editor-in-Chief ADRIENNE FARR

Associate Publisher, Meredith Parents Network TRACY HADEL ADVERTISING SALE S West Coast Director JULIE BANFIELD Advertising Sales Staff ALYSSA CRAMER COHEN, CATHERINE DAUN, ANNE GILHOOL, MOLLY THOMPSON, MARIA TOCCO, NADINE WAXENBERG Assistants BRIDGET CORRY, MICHELLE KWAN, KIM SCHWARTZ Parents.com Advertising Director ALISA JANOWITZ GOLUB “To this day, Manager, Direct Media TYLER HUB I have no idea how National Travel Director MELISSA LUEBBE my mom Senior Research Manager ALISON JAYE

Executive Editor JULIA DENNISON Deputy Editor MELISSA BYKOFSKY SEO Editor LIZ LASHWAY Senior Photo Editor SARINA FINKELSTEIN Features Editor ANNA HALKIDIS Social Media Editor GILLIAN NIGRO SEO Writer NICOLE HARRIS Associate Editor LIBBY RYAN ADVISORY B OARD Pediatrics ARI BROWN, M.D., DAVID L. HILL, M.D., HARVEY KARP, M.D., PHILIP LANDRIGAN, M.D., JANE MORTON, M.D., IRWIN REDLENER, M.D., MICHAEL RICH, M.D., M.P.H., HARLEY A. ROTBART, M.D., DARSHAK SANGHAVI, M.D., JENNIFER SHU, M.D., WENDY SUE SWANSON, M.D., M.B.E. Nutrition JILL CASTLE, R.D.N., CONNIE DIEKMAN, R.D. Mental Health ROBIN BERMAN, M.D., DAVID FASSLER, M.D., HAROLD S. KOPLEWICZ, M.D., REBECCA LANDA, Ph.D. Dentistry LEZLI LEVENE HARVELL, D.M.D. Child Development and Behavior LISA DAMOUR, Ph.D., WAYNE FLEISIG, Ph.D., EILEEN KENNEDY-MOORE, Ph.D., WENDY MOGEL, Ph.D., MICHAEL THOMPSON, Ph.D. Women’s Health ALICE D. DOMAR, Ph.D., MARJORIE GREENFIELD, M.D., LAURA RILEY, M.D., ALEXANDRA SACKS, M.D. Education and Child Care DEBORAH STIPEK, Ph.D., CATHY VATTEROTT, Ph.D. Allergy WILLIAM E. BERGER, M.D., HUGH SAMPSON, M.D. Emergency Medicine and Safety MARTIN EICHELBERGER, M.D., WENDY L. HUNTER, M.D., GARY A. SMITH, M.D., Dr.P.H. Sleep JODI MINDELL, Ph.D., JUDITH OWENS, M.D. Dermatology LAWRENCE F. EICHENFIELD, M.D., JODY ALPERT LEVINE, M.D.

got anything done with four kids. I wish I could be more like her.”

MARKETING Group Marketing Director KRISTEN STUCCHIO-SUAREZ Senior Marketing Manager JUDY SCHIFFMAN Marketing Manager MARNIE DOWLER Marketing Coordinator DIANA ZULUAGA Group Creative Director JEANETTE CHOW Art Director TRACY D’AGOSTINO Associate Art Director DAVID L. TRACY A D M I N I S T R AT I O N Executive Business Director JANICE CROAT Business Manager MEGAN WOOD Advertising Business Manager BOB PARLAPIANO Consumer Marketing Manager RACHEL BLACK Production Director MELANIE STOLTENBERG Production Manager COURTNEY PETERSON Advertising Production Supervisor ALI FELSENTHAL Director of Quality JOSEPH KOHLER Quality Analyst BEN ANDERSON Prepress Desktop Specialist GREG FAIRHOLM

Contributing Editors DAPHNE de MARNEFFE, Ph.D., SALLY KUZEMCHAK, R.D., JENNY MOLLEN, ERIN ZAMMETT RUDDY, COLBY SHARP, VIRGINIA SOLE-SMITH D I G I TA L

“Michelle Obama. I have always admired her but even more so since reading her book.”

MARK JOSEPHSON Senior Vice President, Group Publisher

“The single moms who bring their kids to our pediatric clinic in the South Bronx, New York. These mothers struggle with unimaginable challenges and still make sure their children are safe, healthy, and educated.”

MEREDITH NATIONAL MEDIA GROUP President, Meredith Magazines DOUG OLSON President, Consumer Products TOM WITSCHI President, Chief Digital Officer CATHERINE LEVENE Chief Business and Data Officer ALYSIA BORSA Chief Revenue Officer MICHAEL BROWNSTEIN Marketing and Integrated Communications NANCY WEBER

Senior Vice Presidents Consumer Revenue ANDY WILSON Corporate Sales BRIAN KIGHTLINGER Direct Media PATTI FOLLO Research Solutions BRITTA CLEVELAND Strategic Sourcing, Newsstand, Production CHUCK HOWELL Digital Sales MARLA NEWMAN The Foundry MATT PETERSEN Product and Technology JUSTIN LAW Vice Presidents Finance CHRIS SUSIL Business Planning and Analysis ROB SILVERSTONE Consumer Marketing STEVE CROWE Brand Licensing STEVE GRUNE Corporate Communications JILL DAVISON

Vice President, Group Editorial Director LIZ VACCARIELLO Director, Editorial Operations and Finance ALEXANDRA BREZ MEREDITH CORPORATION President and Chief Executive Officer TOM HARTY Chief Development Officer JOHN ZIESER Chief Strategy Officer DAPHNE KWON President, Meredith Local Media Group PATRICK McCREERY Senior Vice President, Human Resources DINA NATHANSON Chairman STEPHEN M. LACY Vice Chairman MELL MEREDITH FRAZIER

© Copyright Meredith Corporation 2020. All rights reserved. Parents is a registered trademark of Meredith Corporation, registered at the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office. Executive, editorial, and advertising offices: 225 Liberty Street, New York, NY 10281. Email: writeus@parents.com. Submission of your material constitutes permission for Meredith Corporation to allow its use in any media. Subscribers please note: Our subscribers list is occasionally made available to carefully selected firms whose products may be of interest to you. If you prefer not to receive info from these companies by mail or by phone, please let us know. Send your request and your mailing label to Parents Customer Service, P.O. Box 37508, Boone, IA 50037-0508. Subscription help: Visit us at parents.com/myaccount, email pmmcustserv@cdsfulfillment.com, or call 800-727-3682. For syndication or international licensing requests or reprint and reuse permission, email syndication@meredith.com. Printed in the U.S.A.

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T R U T H B E T O L D,

I almost didn’t go back to work. Holding my infant son in the final days of my first maternity leave, I turned tearfully to my own mom and shared a nauseating calculation: A caregiver would soon be spending more waking hours with Joey than I would. I felt, preemptively, like a terrible mom. “Your situation may feel terrible, but it’s actually typical,” my mom reminded me. Then she added an unforgettable message: “Whether you stay home or go to work, you will always be exactly the right mother for your kids.” I repeat her words whenever I find myself struggling with the pangs of longing and doubt that come from missing school pickup, naptime, and much more.

PA R E N T S

6 MARCH

2020

We don’t often talk about traditional “work” in these pages. After all, raising children and running a home is the hardest job there is. But if you’re one of the 7 in 10 moms who are part of the paid workforce, the way you feel about that fact matters. Your career can energize or drain you, distract you or inspire you. In our 14-page package, “Moms at Work,” we’ve set out to help you let go of guilt and make the most of every day. I have a hunch that you’ll adore getting to know Tamron Hall just as much as I did at our cover shoot. On page 54, she opens up with humor and honesty about becoming a parent and launching her own talk show. “Your New Career Mindset,” by legendary editor Ann Shoket, is your guide

HOW WE MAKE IT WORK A few of the wise and experienced moms on my team share their top tip.

“Forgive yourself for not ‘finishing’ everything at the office. Go home, be with the kids, and wrap up a little work in the evening if you have to.” — Emily Furlani, art director, mom to Enzo, 11, and Eva, 18

“Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. When I look back at all I did—waking up before dawn, commuting two hours each way to get my son to school and me to work—I can’t believe it. Don’t overanalyze; just keep moving forward.” ÑBarbara Brandon-Croft, research director, mom to Chase, 21

“When our kids were younger, my husband and I alternated bedtime reading so we each had a moment to ourselves at the end of a long day—and to avoid falling asleep in a kid’s bed every night!” — Agnethe Glatved, executive

creative director, mom to Nora, 14, and Ezra, 18

“I make a point of talking about why I like my job around my kids. I want them to know that it’s possible to find joy in what you do for a living.” —Jessica Hartshorn, entertainment editor, mom to Joe, 14, and Grace, 17

PEEK INTO M Y D AY-T O - D AY !

Scan this code with your phone’s camera to follow me on Instagram (no app needed), or follow @juliasedelstein.

“When you have to share disappointing news—like that you can’t come to a class event—timing is everything. Wait for the right moment when your child’s not grumpy, hungry, or tired.” —Diane Debrovner, deputy editor, mom to Jane, 15, and Abby, 26

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The Meaning of Mom Boss

to nurturing ambition and a family simultaneously (page 62). And because the double shift is nothing if not exhausting, we present “How to Succeed in Business Without Really Sleeping” (page 66), which will also be the title of my autobiography someday. Sleep deprivation and scheduling headaches aside, I’ve been surprised to find that parenthood has boosted my career. When I returned from maternity leave, I knew deep in my soul that I wasn’t the same worker. I was a mother now, and I would not be underestimated. After all, if I could raise a child, I was more than capable of mastering any new work responsibility. That’s what I believe it means to be a #momboss. I’ll never know what life would have been like if I’d called my office in 2015 and said I wasn’t coming back. A part of me still thinks about the stay-at-home mom I could have been—a role that would have fulfilled and challenged me in new ways. But I’m proud to be a working mom. And if you’re reading this after a long day at work, I hope this issue leaves you feeling proud of yourself too.

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RESIDENCES

R E L AT E . R E J O I C E . R E AC T. R E M I N I S C E .

Well Said! Celeb parents confront the tricky issue of work and family balance.

“Sometimes something has to give. If I’m working and I am responsible for myself as a professional person and then my kids need me, often the time for myself is the thing that goes.”

CLOCKWISE FROM TOP LEFT: JIM SPELLMAN/STRINGER/GETTY; JOSH JACKS/STAR MAX/CONTRIBUTOR/GETTY; JAMIE M c CARTHY/STAFF/GETTY; PRINCE WILLIAMS/CONTRIBUTOR/GETTY; ETHAN MILLER/STAFF/GETTY.

—Maggie Gyllenhaal, to Parents.com

“I overcommit because I can’t disappoint the other person. Someone taught me to say, ‘I wish I could participate in this; I just don’t have the bandwidth right now.’ ” —Kristen Bell, on Kevin Nealon’s Hiking With Kevin YouTube series

“I’m going to miss out on some stuff for my kids, but I try to focus on what I can do. Do I beat myself up before I go to bed? Some. But I’m trying to do that less.” —Jenna Bush Hager, to People

“The only way my wife and I survive the pace of our business and household is by being extraordinarily intentional in how we plan. We acknowledge in meticulous detail what’s coming because we’re both equally responsible for raising the children.” —Dave Hollis, in his new book, Get Out of Your Own Way

“Mom guilt is real, but you have to equally love what you do for a living and your kids and give both a great amount of attention.” —Toya Johnson, to Essence.com

PA R E N T S

9 MARCH

2020

LET’S GET REAL

Weekends are family only. We say no to almost every invitation and don’t overplan or try to be too ambitious.

The homemade meal you , made just for them.

For sanity, weekday dinners stay the same. Literally tacos every Tuesday and pizza every Friday. You win some, you lose some: Sometimes I do drop-off, work, work out, and make it home before bedtime and hang out with my husband—but those days are rare. Most days, one or two of those things fall off.

W H AT I’V E LEARNED

Amy Nelson, founder and CEO of The Riveter, reveals how she makes life work with four kids under 5. Nelson was pregnant with her third daughter when she launched The Riveter, an organization that provides working women with community, content, and work spaces focused on equality of opportunity. She and her husband, Carl, welcomed a fourth girl last June, and both work full-time while raising the kids in West Seattle. Here’s how Nelson keeps everything running (mostly) smoothly. Chaos is normal. I thought navigating work and having small children would be crazy but that I’d find a rhythm. Finally, I got comfortable with

being uncomfortable. Until then, I was fighting against a current. We shop online. Even for groceries.

• L E S S ON

All together now: “It is what it is.” And that’s fine. Today I made it to work but without makeup. My kids’ lunches are whatever I have in the fridge. I never fight about what clothes they wear. Our minivan hit a wall six months ago and still hasn’t been fixed. I skip manicures. I don’t seek perfection in any part of my life. Embrace help. This is the life I want, so we have to budget to prioritize a team that makes our life work. My kids have sitters, we have a house cleaner a few days a week, we have a dog walker, and my mom flies in from Ohio if needed. Bottom line: I don’t question whether working moms can attempt it all. We do! —Jessica Hartshorn

F R OM M Y L I T T L E ON E

Sometimes Your Kid Comforts You

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nearest one and off we went. I didn’t have high expectations. My son usually just plays off to the side with his toy cars, never riding the swings or taking a trip down the slide.

But maybe that day my son sensed that Mom was struggling. That she had been for a while. Without making a big deal out of it, he climbed to the top of As we drove, suddenly the slide and started some guy in a huge truck racing his cars down it. nearly ran us off the road. Then he went down it It was frightening. I was himself. All alone, for the very The author with shaken; my husband was first time. He did it again and her son angry. Our mood soured. I told again, with the biggest smile. It my husband we should just turn back brought so much joy to my heart, and I for home and call it a day. felt like both he and his sister were doing their best to keep me happy. When I was But our son wasn’t ready to give ready to give up, my son taught me that up. He asked if we could go to the day could be saved. All it took was a a playground instead. After some small act of joy. —Priscilla Blossom silence, my husband mapped the

PA R E N T S

10 M A R C H

2020

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IT WA S M Y daughter’s fifth birthday, which is to say the fifth anniversary of her death, and I was having a hard time. Years passing does not make the loss less devastating. I felt pressure to do something to memorialize the day. My husband and I decided to drive into the mountains to find a new hiking spot with our 3-year-old son.

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LET’S GET REAL

Don’t mess with Mama.

of times I’ve threatened to take away dessert, leave a restaurant, or even land a commercial airplane in an attempt to cajole my kids into doing what I wanted. Sometimes my threats have worked. Other times I’ve counted to three only to start over again at one. Following through on consequences is hard not only because we don’t want to see our children upset but also because we don’t want to be punished too. It’s annoying to leave brunch with friends because your naked toddler is swinging from a chandelier. It’s painful to forgo your child’s half hour of evening TV because that means more time for him to sit and stare at you. But when we take the path of least resistance—letting kids get away with bad behavior so we don’t have to break our stride—we lose control and credibility. Recently, my kids and I were invited to a party at one of their favorite toy stores. Sid, 5, talked about the event for days, thrilled that he would be up past his bedtime, eating cake, and ogling toys for sale. On the big day, Sid was in rare form. He was overly tired and had been bullying his little brother, Lazlo, 2. I made all kinds of threats, starting with the vow to throw out the rest of his Halloween candy and ending with the promise to leave him home and take only Laz to the event. Nothing seemed to work.

PA R E N T S

12 MARCH

2020

W E N E E D TO TA LK .

The Path of Most Resistance It’s easy to threaten our kids with consequences. It’s a lot harder to follow through. by J E N N Y M O L L E N

“One, two, two and a half … ,” I started in again. At this point, neither Sid nor my husband, Jason, was listening. But after Sid started maniacally wielding a pair of scissors and running in my direction, I’d had enough. As much as I wanted to take him to the party, I knew I had to set boundaries if I ever expected things to change. Taking one last breath, I announced to the room that Sid was out of chances and that due to his behavior, he was going nowhere except straight to bed.

Jason’s jaw dropped. “Are you serious?” he asked, almost more shocked than Sid. “Yes,” I replied, trying to remain stoic. Sid waited for a follow-up. When one didn’t come, he burst into hysterics, flailing around the room, practically hyperventilating. “I’m going to faint! I feel weak!” he said. Riddled with guilt but also trying hard not to laugh at my overly theatrical son, I made my way out the front door with Lazlo. Sid chased us down the apartment-building hallway,

shoeless, in a last-ditch attempt to guilt me into submission. “You are breaking my heart!” he cried, beating his chest as the elevator door closed in his face. Once we were alone, I looked down at Lazlo, who blinked up at me, nonplussed. A triumphant smile crept across my face as my guilt turned to pride. Not having Sid was bittersweet. I missed him and wished things could have been different. But I had to prioritize his needs over my wants, and telling him no was what he needed to hear. Later that night, I asked Jason how Sid behaved once we were gone and was both surprised and delighted to learn he was an absolute angel the moment we left. Sure, he was sad, but he understood what had happened and why. Since the incident, Sid takes a pause before going rogue and ignoring my threats. Insisting on limits was a powerful reminder that while it feels amazing to be the good cop, being a strong parent requires you to be the bad guy too.

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JAMIE MAGNIFICO.

PLENTY

LET’S GET REAL

You’re Welcome!

M U S TH AV E

A reco from Parents’ mom boss, Julia Edelstein: The 2020 Smart Deck Desktop Calendar + Notepad lets you write epically long to-do lists that never get lost. A yearly calendar at the bottom makes it easy to look ahead. $24; russelland hazel.com

The key to hiding a chipped mani is clear polish with texture! JINsoon Mamagami in Dotty is a nail party that lasts a week. $18; jinsoon.com If your dollhouse obsession secretly rivals your kid’s, no shame! Instagram account @TinyHouseCalls started as a doctor-mom’s creative outlet and has become the ultimate #homegoals.

Last-minute St. Patrick’s Day fun is in the veggie drawer! Arrange bellpepper strips as a rainbow on green-forluck guac; add dippable cauliflower clouds and carrot coins.

PA R E N T S

14 M A R C H

2020

Moms dishing about how pregnancy, parental leave, and relationships affect work life will have you bingeing on

The Double Shift podcast, by journalist Katherine Goldstein.

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Bright Parenting provides insight tailored to your kid’s age, daily tips, and the exact right words to say to stop a tantrum or get your toddler to share. Free seven-day trial; iOS and Android

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HELP THEM THRIVE I N E V E RY WAY

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Get Your Kids to Care About Their Health “Just as seeds need water, sunlight, and nutrients to grow into flowers, fruits, or vegetables, kids need to eat healthy foods, drink water, wear sunscreen, and sleep well in order to play, do well in school, and have energy,” says Danielle Fernandes, M.D., a pediatrician at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles. That’s just one way to talk to your child about health in a nonjudgy, kid-friendly manner. Members of the Parents AAP Panel share other smart tips on how to get kids invested in proper sleep, eating, and exercise habits.

WHAT’S THE PARENTS AAP PANEL?

We’ve partnered with the American Academy of Pediatrics to create a special group of pediatrician moms and dads to weigh in on health issues and offer advice IRL.

photograph by P R I S C I L L A G R AG G

PA R E N T S

17 M A R C H

2020

K I D S Ñ Ne w s + I d e a s

… C ONTINUED

Treat food as fuel. Your kid isn’t worried about how many grams of sugar are in his snack bar or if he ate enough veggies for the day, but we bet he doesn’t shy away from flexing his biceps when you ask, “How big are your muscles?” Use that excitement to your advantage. “My 3-year-old is into Superman and The Incredibles, so we talk about how eating good foods will help her body grow strong and give her superpowers,” says Alicia Palmer, M.D., assistant professor of pediatrics at the University of Nebraska Medical Center, in Omaha. But you don’t need to give treats a bad rap. “I remind my kids that a lot of what we enjoy, like candy, chips, soda, and even screen time, are fine in moderation, but too much makes it hard for our bodies to stay healthy,” says Jessica Lazerov, M.D., a pediatrician at Children’s National Hospital,

in Washington, D.C. “I also explain how our bodies are like vehicles and ask, ‘Do you think it’s better to put gas or garbage into a car to make it go?’ We need the proper fuel too!”

Celebrate activity. Have you ever thought about how remarkable it is that the baby who relied on you for everything just a few years ago is now a kid who can run after a soccer ball, learn new karate skills, and somersault endlessly across your living room? It’s important to talk about all the cool things her body can do, rather than what it looks like, says Dr. Lazerov. And be sure to share your own healthy behaviors. “When I’m leaving to go exercise, I tell my daughter, ‘Mommy is going to the gym so she can be healthy. See you soon!’ And my husband and I include her when possible by doing yoga at home or taking her for a run in the jogging stroller,” says Dr. Palmer. You might

also consider taking your child to the gym to show her where you go and which equipment you use, suggests Ruth L. Milanaik, D.O., a pediatrician at Northwell Health, in New Hyde Park, New York.

Get real about germs. “My son says the thing that got him to always remember to wash his hands was the time I told him, ‘Assume everything you touch has poop on it,’ ” says Dr. Lazerov. She also reminds her kids that hands are a great place for germs to collect and spread to railings, doorknobs, and surfaces. She also (discreetly!) points out the people in the mall or other public places who sneeze or wipe their nose and then touch an elevator button or a store counter. “It gives my kids better awareness of just how many germs could be waiting to make us sick if we don’t wash our hands regularly,” she explains.

TEACH THEM THE 5-2-1-0-10 TRICK Eat 5 fruits or veggies Consume < 2 hours of screen time Work in 1 hour of activity Drink 0 sugar-sweetened drinks Get 10 hours of sleep at night More than a few of the doctors on our panel mentioned this tool, which gives school-agers more responsibility over their health each day. “My kids tell me when they reach one of these numbers, then pick what they want to work on next,” says Michal Pankratz, M.D., a pediatrician in Lubbock, Texas. “They are motivated, and I get to show my pride in them for taking charge of their health. Win-win!”

—Emily Elveru

BOOKMARK THIS!

Legends of the Tooth Fairy

How does that tiny winged creature sneak a prize under the pillow? Read one of these fanciful stories with your wobbly-toothed little one to find out.

NEW

When their parents aren’t available, sister fairies (who live in an adorable teapot) take on their first solo mission. But the job is tricky: When a girl loses a tooth on a plane, the sisters must rush to the airport to extract it from her pocket and replace it with a coin.

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TA L LU L A H T H E T O O T H FA I RY C E O Written by Dr. Tamara Pizzoli, illustrated by Federico Fabiani

Tallulah, founder of Teeth Titans, Incorporated, oversees the hiring of all the fairies and sets company policies. An interesting dilemma requires her to reach out to her board of directors: What should they do when a boy misplaces his tooth and puts a note under his pillow instead?

When a boy’s loose tooth finally comes out, he chronicles what he sees when he pretends to be sleeping: “Her wand, how it glittered; her dimples, how merry; her wings were so sparkly, so light and airy.” —Karen Cicero

BOOKS: PETER ARDITO.

THE NIGHT BEFORE THE TO OTH FAI RY Written by Natasha Wing, illustrated by Barbara Johansen Newman

THE UNDERHILLS: A TO OTH FAI RY STO RY Written by Bob Graham

UNEXPLAINABLY JUICY ¨

K I D S Ñ Ne w s + I d e a s

If you feel like you’ve run out of options to get the kids into bed (and actually stay there), consider a little help from the eavesdropper in the corner.

Brush Up on Bath Safety Keep your tyke safe in the tub with this advice from Melissa McGarvey, aquatics director of British Swim School, a water-safety organization with locations across the U.S. and Canada. S T A Y C L O S E . Make sure you’re nearby while the tub is filling. Keep the bathroom door shut and your child in sight so he won’t wander into the room without you and fall into the water. F E E L I T O U T . Get the temperature right by running cold water first and then slowly increasing the heat. “I dip my elbow in to check the temperature,” says McGarvey. Our hands are less sensitive to hot and cold temps, so using your elbow or wrist can be a more accurate gauge.

S TA R T WINDING DOWN.

In the Amazon Alexa app, create reminders to alert your kids that bedtime is in five, ten, or 15 minutes. When that time comes, your device will announce, “This is your reminder for bedtime.” With Google Assistant, set up a bedtime routine that includes steps like dimming smart lights and playing sleep sounds when you say, “Hey, Google, good night.” Then set a timer for two minutes so your kid brushes her teeth for the ideal length of time.

—Kyleigh Leddy

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HOP INTO BED.

When you say, “Alexa, tell a bedtime story to Joey,” your device will pick a short tale and insert your kid’s name throughout. With select Little Golden Books, your Google Assistant will play sound effects and music as you read to your child. Say, “Hey, Google, read along with Frozen 2,” and it’ll listen for specific lines in the story to cue sound effects and phrases from favorite characters.

3 SLIP INTO SLUMBER.

PI C K TH E B E S T TOYS .

When selecting items to play with, McGarvey suggests sticking to the three S’s: squeaky, squirty, or spongy! Softer toys are less likely to cause accidental bonks to your child’s head or scratches on her skin but will still keep her engaged as you lather, rinse, and repeat. Just be sure to put toys in the tub after she’s already in, not before, to limit any temptation she might have to reach and potentially fall in. Keep buckets and large toys out of your child’s range. They could entice your little one to use them as a step for climbing into the tub or onto the toilet without your supervision.

WA K E U P W I T H T H E PA R E N T S T I P O F T H E DAY ! Scan this code with your phone’s camera to find out how to get quick parenting tips sent to your smart speaker every morning (no app needed).

Calm your fussy baby or a child who just can’t wind down by saying, “Alexa, play white noise,” or “Okay, Google, help me relax,” and you’ll hear a soothing selection of ambient noises like rushing water or a crackling fireplace. Fair warning: Your eyes might get heavy too!

—E.E.

NEWS TO SMILE ABOUT

A generic epinephrine pen is now available for kids who weigh between 33 and 66 pounds. These lifesaving devices have been on the FDA shortage list for more than a year, and the generic version is about half the cost of the current option. 2

There may soon be an easier way to test blood-sugar levels. In a study published in Analytical Chemistry, researchers developed a sugar-sensing pacifier to help detect type 1 diabetes early. The pacifier is designed to collect saliva while inside a baby’s mouth. It then measures glucose levels and transmits the information to a receiver. 3

Eating seafood during pregnancy has added benefits. Kids whose mother ate a varied seafood diet including fatty fish early in pregnancy performed better on an attention test than children whose mother ate only canned tuna or shellfish, according to the Barcelona Institute for Global Health. —K.L.

TOP LEFT: DON DIAZ. BOTTOM, FROM LEFT: COURTESY OF THE BRAND; STEPHANIE RAUSSER.

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Allergy-Proof Your Family Flowers are blooming, birds are chirping, and everyone’s nose is running. But you can get ahead of your family’s symptoms and keep them under control all year long. by E M I LY E LV E R U / photograph by T H AY E R A L LYS O N G O W DY

W H AT H A S

red eyes and brings a chorus of sniffles everywhere it goes? Your family during allergy season. What can you do about it? That answer is trickier. “Allergies are part environmental and part genetic,” explains Purvi Parikh, M.D., an allergist and immunologist with the Allergy & Asthma Network, who practices in New York City. If one parent has seasonal allergies, it increases the chance by 50 percent that a child will develop them. Other environmental factors, like a pet in the home, mold, excess dust, and even climate change, can contribute to the problem. But

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you can take measures to control—or even stop—your family’s symptoms. We asked allergists to tell us how and to answer some of your pressing questions on the subject.

Should I test my home’s air quality? Sure, but be clear on what you’re testing. You may see ads for air-quality inspections, but many of those check for contaminants like CO2 and asbestos rather than allergens like dust mites or pet dander. And inspections can be expensive. Instead, invest in hypoallergenic mattress and pillow covers—the fabric is tightly

woven, so it’s hard for microscopic dust mites to get through. Another tip: Buy a cool-mist humidifier and a humidity monitor to make sure the level stays below 50 percent. “Mites and mold love a damp environment,” says Neeta Ogden, M.D., an allergist in Edison, New Jersey, and spokesperson for the American College of Allergy, Asthma, and Immunology.

What about an air purifier? If your home is prone to mold or if you have a furry pet (think dog, cat, gerbil, guinea pig), an air purifier can help. But it won’t get rid of pollen or dust mites.

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K I D S Ñ H e a lt h

Those particles are too small for the machine to remove, says Dr. Parikh. Purifiers come in a range of prices, but it’s most important that yours has a high-efficiency particulate air (HEPA) filter (this will be marked on the box), which traps 99.9 percent of mold and pet-dander particles.

Are carpets bad for allergies? Unfortunately, yes. “Carpets are a reservoir for dust mites and animal dander,” says Jacqueline S. EghrariSabet, M.D., an allergist-immunologist in Washington, D.C. If you can, replace them with wood, tile, or washable rugs. If you can’t, vacuum at least once or twice a week. (And like the air purifier, your vacuum should have a HEPA filter.) Will running the central air help? Only if you clean the vents, which you should do with every change of season. “Use a service if exposure to allergens could trigger allergy symptoms and to ensure it’s done thoroughly,” says Dr. Parikh. Keep the AC on at night and in the morning, when pollen levels are high, then open windows in the afternoon and the evening, when levels drop.

ICON: THE NOUN PROJECT.

Wait, I should track pollen levels? That’s a big yes. “You likely pay attention to the UV index on hot days or the wind-chill factor on cold days, and it’s just as easy—and important—to tune in to the pollen count,” says Dr. Eghrari-Sabet. Tree pollen comes at the beginning of spring, grasses (like ragweed) at the end of spring or early summer, and weeds at the end of summer. If you or your kids consistently suffer, use the pollen count to track when in the season you’re most congested, which can help your allergist pinpoint a diagnosis and treatment plan. It’ll also help you know when to go outside. It’s best to stick to afternoon and evening, but stay inside on very high pollen days, says Dr. Ogden. When levels settle, you should be fine; just take medication beforehand. But our family loves to garden! Good news: Your geraniums are not the culprits. Flowers are pollinated by bees, while ragweed and tree pollen—the big offenders—spread via wind. If you’re

planting trees in your yard, ask your nursery about getting females, which make berries, rather than males, which produce pollen. Of course, pollen can travel for miles in the air, so no matter how conscious you are, that birch next door (or one town over) could still mess with your nose. As for houseplants, you’re safe with most varieties. But if the soil gets moldy, throw it out. Even a pretty potted ivy can wreak havoc on your allergies if it sprouts anything other than new leaves.

8 Cleaning Tips to Eliminate Allergens 1. Clean the shower weekly to prevent mold, using 1 teaspoon of bleach in 1 gallon of water. 2. Wash sheets in very hot water once a week. 3. Vacuum at least once a week. (Try a Roomba—just set it and forget it!) 4. Minimize drapery and stuffed animals, which can harbor dust mites. 5. Shower with the fan on to limit mold-causing moisture. 6. Shower—or at least wash your hands—after cleaning to get rid of stuck-on allergens and irritants. 7. Wear gloves and a mask if chemical smells are irritating.

8. Choose a natural cleaner, such as distilled water, vinegar, or baking soda, which tend to have less harsh smells.

Are daily OTC meds necessary? They can be very helpful for treating symptoms, and some can be taken by kids as young as 2. An intranasal corticosteroid, like Flonase or Nasacort, can help with nasal congestion, sneezing, runny nose, and itchy and watery eyes and is safe for kids and adults. While many antihistamines are available, their effectiveness depends on how well you match the product to the specific symptoms. “See an allergist early on to find the best medications for you,” says

Dr. Ogden. “Or if it’s for your child, have his pediatrician suggest one.” Ideally, you or your kid can begin taking meds one or two weeks prior to pollen season to help lessen your reaction.

What else can I do to feel better? Use saline spray to flush out allergens. “It’s like a shower for your nose,” says Dr. Ogden. If you’re experiencing symptoms year after year, your allergist may suggest immunotherapy, which is now available via shots or tablets and contains a very small amount of the allergen. “This gradually builds up your tolerance so your symptoms decrease, whereas daily medications only manage your current symptoms,” says Dr. Eghrari-Sabet. Depending on the specific allergy, you may receive the shots or tablets year-round (such as for dust) or start taking them just before the season, then stop at season’s end (like for grass and ragweed). Children as young as 5 can receive shots or tablets for seasonal allergies, but tablets for dust mites are still awaiting FDA approval for kids. During high allergy season, have your family remove their shoes and socks and change their clothes as soon as they come inside to avoid tracking pollen around. Use baby soap and a washcloth to wipe around your child’s eyes whenever she comes in from outside as well. Before bed, shower to rinse any pollen from your skin. Do hypoallergenic dogs exist? Sadly, no. Portuguese water dogs and poodles are the most hypoallergenic breeds, but there’s no guarantee you won’t react to the pup you bring home. Do your research to make sure the dog you’re getting is purebred—even 1 percent of Lab, a very allergenic dog, could make a difference, says Dr. Ogden. Beyond a dog’s or cat’s dander (FYI, a cat’s can stay in a home for six months after it leaves), a pet’s saliva and urine also contain the protein that causes a reaction, so limit areas where it can roam. Pets also drag pollen into your house. Wipe them down when they come in, and bathe them more often in high-pollen times. But if you or your kid is allergic to furry animals, you might be better off just getting a fish. Or perhaps a pet rock? Very low maintenance!

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K I D S Ñ Nat u r e

IS YOUR CHILD OUTSIDE ENOUGH? Poking at bugs, examining dirt, climbing trees: The great outdoors is pretty great —plus, it delivers a host of developmental benefits. Yet most families don’t get out into nature on a daily basis. That’s where this guide comes in. by J O A N N E C H E N photograph by E R I N K U N K E L

S H O W A C H I L D a tree stump and she’ll likely jump onto it, inspect it, or peel away a bit of its bark. One thing she probably won’t do, though, is leave it untouched. “That’s the thing about nature,” says Heather Hatada-Boyd, founder of Forest Folk New England, an organization in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, that offers year-round family nature activities. “Being outdoors invites kids to observe and participate. There’s so much to see and question.” Hatada-Boyd is part of a growing movement to make sure that nature is an integral aspect of childhood, a vehicle for learning and playing. These

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crusaders are building outlets—from park programs to “nature preschools” to community gardens—for kids to discover and appreciate creatures, plants, and habitats. Such programs have become a about a quarter of kids play outdoors daily. I can personally vouch for this cultural shift. To my 9-year-old son, going outside is what you do to get somewhere; the outdoors isn’t a destination in itself. I’m not proud of this, but until last year he didn’t know what the word hike meant. We’re city folk, so when we spent a week in South Dakota last summer and my husband and I said, “Let’s go on a

hike!” our son looked at us as if we were speaking another language. When we explained, he rolled his eyes. on the trail and he saw a log to balance on and rocks in the creek to leap between, he declared hiking his new favorite pastime. If the pull of screens and the comfort of the couch have made the outdoors a tough sell to your child, start by reminding yourself that you don’t have to trek to a national park. Nature is, after all, everywhere. Here’s a list of oh-so-doable ways to bring a little more fresh air into your family’s life.

K I D S Ñ Nat u r e

Presented by DESTIN-FORT W A LT O N B E A C H , FLORIDA

Little ones who like to paint on paper will be psyched to do so on snow or the driveway. Mix water with food coloring, pour it into spray bottles, and let your kid channel Jackson Pollock. G E T C R A F T Y.

Find Nature Nearby If your backyard and the park down the street are starting to seem boring, find ways to up the cool quotient for your kids.

S P E L L I T W I T H S T I C K S . Use a twig to inscribe letters in sand or dirt, or play the alphabet game (find elements in nature that start with a, b, c, and so on) while on a walk.

One of my kid’s favorite activities at our local botanical garden is to collect items like rocks, acorns, and sticks, then seal them in storage containers. We shake them to hear the different sounds they make. P L AY “ R O C K ” M U S I C .

G O O F F - R O A D W I T H T OY C A R S .

When my son was a toddler, he and his buddies would take a few of their treasured vehicles to a park to vroomvroom over rocks, dirt, and twigs. It was a more tactile experience than rolling them on a coffee table, and they liked sending cars careening on downward slopes. If your kid enjoys whipping up meals of faux food, he’ll love playing “campfire” in the backyard. Help him pack his play pots and pans, rubber chicken, and whatever else your little chef suggests into his backpack, then head P L AY C A M P K I T C H E N .

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out to collect kindling and build a “fire.” BUILD AMAZING FORTS.

What’s better than crafting a private sanctuary from pillows and blankets? Using snow or branches and leaves instead. Victoria Veilleux, of Kittery Point, Maine, has been making outdoor forts and fairy houses with her twin daughters since they were 3 years old. “Those fairy houses manage to stay up all winter, even through the sleet and snow,” she says. TA K E B A R B I E I N T O T H E W I L D .

One of my favorite toys growing up was my Barbie Country Camper, which my

3 Easy, Unexpected Adventures 1

Play in the rain. Grown-ups go out of their way to avoid a drizzle, but kids often relish wet days. Put on a raincoat and galoshes and you’re set to splash in puddles. Your child will notice all kinds of changes that rain brings: Dirt becomes mud, leaves fall to the ground en masse, the air smells different. Who needs a water park when you have a little afternoon downpour? 2

Play in the dark. After the sun goes down, the outdoors shifts into another mode. Animals make different sounds, the sky puts on a dazzling show, and there’s an air of mystery added to your child’s play. If your local park is safe at night and buzzing with people strolling after-hours, put on light-reflecting gear, scooter along marked paths, and watch the sunset together. 3

Play in the mud. Track down a natural mud pit right after it rains, or make your own by shoveling some dirt (make sure it doesn’t have fertilizers in it) onto a tarp or into a wheelbarrow and adding water.

FROM TOP: PRISCILLA GRAGG; DANE TASHIMA.

siblings and I would take to the backyard so Barbie, Skipper, and Ken could rough it. We’d pelt them with “rain” (it involved Mom’s watering can) or have them dig for treasure, pretending a cool-looking stone was a nugget of gold. The outdoors inspires this kind of creativity. That’s why, when my son was younger, I’d encourage him to take his superheroes to the park. How better to demonstrate the Hulk’s strength than to have him lift a real “boulder”? (Okay, it was a rock, but still.)

Let your kids be their own action figures.

K I D S Ñ Nat u r e

The End of “I’d Rather Stay Home” Wise ways to get around your worries.

Venture Farther Afield Bust out of your home turf and let your kids discover some (truly) wild stuff.

“One winter, my kids and I drove up to Mount Agamenticus, in southern Maine, and found ourselves standing face-toface with a snowy owl, which turned and stared at us,” says Veilleux. “It was magical to have such a close encounter.” K E E P YO U R E Y E S O P E N .

IT’S TICK SEASON.

Wear long sleeves and pants treated with the sprayon insecticide permethrin, pull your socks and boots over your pants, and do a tick check from scalp to toe afterward. If you find a tick, use tweezers to pull it straight up and out, then seal it in a bag to show your pediatrician.

IT’S TOO COLD.

Dress the part! When investing in coats and boots, check the tags: the L.L. Bean Kids’ Down Jacket label, for example, says it keeps kids warm in temperatures as cold as 10°F with light activity and –15°F with moderate activity.

DON’T SKIP THE VISITORS’ C E N T E R . Destination spots may take a little longer to reach, but chances are, the folks in charge have made the visit worth it. Cristina Hamidine, of New York City, mom of two girls, ages 1 and 4, for instance, was delighted to find that the Harlem Meer, a man-made lake nearby, has become the home of fish, turtles, and ducks and offers a whole host of fun amenities

for those who make the trip. A visitors’ center lends out “discovery” backpacks complete with binoculars, a magnifying glass, a sketch pad, and a wildlife guide. “We spent the entire day looking for animals on the list and collecting rocks and flowers for arts and crafts at home,” says Hamidine. L E T YO U R K I D S R O U G H I T.

Judy Chen, a New York City mom of Leo, 5, and aunt of Hazel, 7, does not like to camp, but when Leo begged, she and her husband took the kids on an overnight trip. It was hard but worth it, particularly as a teamwork exercise. The family had to prepare, eat, and clean up dinner before dark, so the

kids helped look for sticks to make the fire and toast marshmallows while the grown-ups prepped the food. “The kids learned to be creative and patient, and realized they don’t need a lot to have fun,” says Chen. “They felt proud that they were helping out, and it was a great way to bond as a family.” L E A D YO U R S E L F T O W AT E R .

Aquatic environments can reveal a whole host of creatures your child may have never seen before, not to mention textures, sounds, and scents. “My girls love to explore tide pools,” says Veilleux. “They look for sea shells and other ocean treasures, then use them to deck out their sand castles.” Little wonder the water has such good effect—research from Michigan State University found that people who live with a view of an ocean or a lake are generally happier.

U G H , I T ’ S S O H O T.

Pay attention to the hour-by-hour weather forecast. Even if the day’s high is daunting, it’ll be far more comfortable before 10 a.m. Just be sure to bring and drink water.

Broken bones, infections, concussions ... Scary things do happen, but they’re rare and often preventable. Before your child climbs that tree, help her build strength by, say, swinging on a branch as you spot her. The more you see your kid take safe risks, the more comfortable you’ll feel.

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ERIN KUNKEL.

MY KID MIGHT G E T H U R T.

K I D S Ñ C u lt u r e

Feel-Good Books to Read Together Thanks to friendly characters, zany plots, and satisfying endings, these new stories will lift your family’s spirits. by K A R E N C I C E R O

1 2

S av

1. Hey Grandude! Written by Paul McCartney, illustrated by Kathryn Durst Add children’s book author to the list of things the Beatles legend does brilliantly! Grandude (a nickname from McCartney’s grandkids) takes bored little ones on fantastical adventures using his magic compass. They ride flying fish, roll around in wildflowers, and escape an avalanche all before they “zing, bang, sizzle” back home for bedtime tuck-ins. Your own parents would probably love a copy for their house.

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2. The Girl and the Dinosaur Written by Hollie Hughes, illustrated by Sarah Massini This rhyming tale dares readers to “believe in the impossible.” Marianne takes a shovel to the beach to dig for dino bones. She unearths an entire skeleton and wishes on stars that it would come to life. That night, a green surprise turns up at her window, setting her off on a spectacular journey. The book’s illustrations, especially the silver-foiled cover, make the story feel even more dreamy.

e it

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3. Parker Looks Up: An Extraordinary Moment

4. Lupin Leaps In: A Breaking Cat News Adventure

Written by Parker and Jessica Curry, illustrated by Brittany Jackson

Written and illustrated by Georgia Dunn

Remember the viral photo of a young girl in awe of Michelle Obama’s painting at the National Portrait Gallery? Here’s the story of what happened that day, written by the girl and her mom. Little readers will feel as if they’re listening in on the family’s visit to the gallery before Parker looks up at Obama’s stunning portrait and wonders, “Who is she?”

A team of three feline TV reporters deliver hilarious news stories—like the mysteries of the laundry room and what’s up with ceiling cats—in this compilation of comic strips. It’s perfect for newbies to the graphicnovel format since many pages have five or fewer panels. In the back of the book, there are instructions on drawing comics and facial expressions.

5. We’re Not From Here By Geoff Rodkey This sci-fi novel’s backstory may seem like a downer—everything on earth is destroyed, and human families need to make a new home on another planet—but the humor brings it into the realm of light and fun. The main characters use episodes of a popular slapstick comedy show and music videos to try to change their new planet’s perception of earthlings. Their tunes save the day.

BOOKS: PETER ARDITO. ICON: THE NOUN PROJECT.

K I D S Ñ Fo o d

TH E N EW WAY TO PB & J Expect a happy dance when you serve up these fun takes on the kid classic. by F R A N C E S L A R G E M A N - R O T H , R . D . / photographs by J E N C A U S E Y

Peanut Butter and Cherry Cheddar Melt For recipe, see page 42.

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A power-packed, make-ahead breakfast like this will keep your kid going strong until lunch.

Peanutty Overnight Oats Active Time 15 minutes Total Time 3 hours 15 minutes (or overnight) Makes 4 servings I N G R E DI E N T S 11/2 cups rolled oats 1/4 cup chia seeds 1/4 tsp. salt 2 cups reduced-fat milk or nondairy alternative, plus more for serving 11/4 cups fresh raspberries (6 oz.)

2 Tbs. sugar 1/4 cup creamy natural peanut butter 1 banana, sliced Honey (optional) MAKE IT

1. Place the oats, chia seeds, and salt in a large mixing bowl and combine. Divide oat mixture among four 1-pt. jars. 2. Pour 1/2 cup of the milk over the oats in each jar; stir and cover with lid or plastic wrap. Refrigerate filled jars at least 3 hours or overnight.

3. In a small bowl, mash the raspberries with the sugar. Refrigerate up to three days. 4. To serve, top each oat mixture with 2 Tbs. of the raspberry mixture, 1 Tbs. peanut butter, and 1/4 of a sliced banana. Drizzle with honey, if desired, and serve with additional milk. NUTRITION PER SERVING

393 calories; 14g protein; 16g fat (3g sat. fat); 52g carbs; 12g fiber; 19g sugar; 3mg iron; 242mg calcium; 206mg sodium

K I D S Ñ Fo o d

Frozen Candy Cups Active Time 25 minutes Total Time 55 minutes Makes 18 cups I N G R E DI E N T S 3/4 cup semisweet-chocolate chips (5 oz.) 2 Tbs. plus 2 tsp. coconut oil, at room temperature 1 cup creamy natural peanut butter 3 Tbs. jam MAKE IT

1. Place 18 mini paper baking cups on a baking sheet.

3. Meanwhile, combine the peanut butter and remaining 2 Tbs. coconut oil in a medium bowl. Remove cups from freezer and spoon 1 Tbs. of the peanutbutter mixture on top of the chocolate in each cup. 4. Spoon 1/2 tsp. of the jam over the peanut butter in each cup. Use a toothpick to swirl the jam into the peanut butter. Freeze 20 to 30 minutes, until solid. Serve frozen. NUTRITION PER SERVING (1 cup)

140 calories; 4g protein; 11g fat (4g sat. fat); 9g carbs; 2g fiber; 6g sugar; 1mg iron; 12mg calcium; 2mg sodium

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FOOD STYLING BY CHELSEA ZIMMER. PROP STYLING BY CHRISTINE KEELY.

2. In a small microwave-safe bowl, add chocolate and 2 tsp. of the coconut oil. Place bowl in microwave and heat for 1 minute at 50% power. Stir until completely melted and combined. If necessary, continue heating on 50% power for 30 seconds and stir until chocolate is melted and smooth. Divide chocolate mixture among the baking cups, about 1 tsp. chocolate per cup. Freeze cups for 10 minutes.

Don’t be the person that brings a veggie platter.

K I D S Ñ Fo o d

snack ever! during a playdate, and you’ll instantly be the fun mom.

Fruity Tortilla Pizza Active Time 15 minutes Total Time 20 minutes Makes 4 servings I N G R E DI E N T S 2 8-in. flour tortillas 1/4 cup creamy natural peanut butter 1/4 cup blueberries 1/3 cup sliced strawberries 1 banana, sliced 1/4 cup coconut chips, lightly toasted 2 Tbs. mini chocolate chips MAKE IT

1. In a skillet over medium, toast 1 tortilla for 2 minutes on each side. Repeat with second tortilla. 2. Transfer tortillas to a cutting board. Divide peanut butter between the 2 tortillas, spreading evenly and leaving a 1/2-in. border. 3. Divide fruit, coconut chips, and chocolate chips evenly over the tortillas. Slice pizzas in half or quarters. NUTRITION PER SERVING (1/2 pizza)

264 calories; 7g protein; 13g fat (5g sat. fat); 31g carbs; 3g fiber; 10g sugar; 1mg iron; 61mg calcium; 230mg sodium

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Surprise-Inside Muffins Active Time 15 minutes Total Time 40 minutes Makes 12 muffins I N G R E DI E N T S Nonstick cooking spray 1 1/3 cups all-purpose flour, divided 1/2 cup whole-wheat flour 1/2 cup rolled oats 1 tsp. baking soda 1/4 tsp. kosher salt, plus more 3/4 tsp. ground cinnamon, divided 3/4 cup brown sugar, divided 1/2 cup canola oil 3/4 cup whole milk 2 eggs, whisked 1 tsp. vanilla extract 1/4 cup creamy natural peanut butter 1/4 cup strawberry jam 3 Tbs. unsalted butter, cut into pieces MAKE IT

1. Preheat oven to 350°F. Line a 12-cup muffin pan with paper liners. Coat liners with cooking spray; set pan aside. 2. In a large mixing bowl, combine 1 cup all-purpose flour, the whole-wheat flour, oats, baking

soda, 1/4 tsp. salt, 1/2 tsp. cinnamon, and 1/2 cup brown sugar. In a separate bowl, whisk together the canola oil, milk, eggs, and vanilla. Add wet ingredients to dry ingredients; combine. 3. Fill liners 1/3 full, then add 1 tsp. peanut butter. Top with more muffin batter, then 1 tsp. jam. Swirl jam with a toothpick or a skewer. 4. Mix remaining 1/3 cup allpurpose flour, remaining 1/4 cup brown sugar, a pinch of salt, and remaining 1/4 tsp. cinnamon in a small bowl. Add butter; use a fork or your fingers to incorporate it into the mixture. Add 1 Tbs. topping to each muffin cup; bake 20 to 25 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean. Cool in the pan on a wire rack for 5 minutes. Store muffins in an airtight container up to 2 days. NUTRITION PER MUFFIN

292 calories; 5g protein; 16g fat (3g sat. fat); 32g carbs; 2g fiber; 13g sugar; 1mg iron; 40mg calcium; 158mg sodium

Peanut Butter and Cherry Cheddar Melt Active Time 5 minutes Total Time 10 minutes Makes 1 sandwich

I N G R E DI E N T S 2 tsp. unsalted butter, at room temperature 2 slices sourdough bread Nonstick cooking spray 1/3 cup shredded sharp cheddar cheese 1 Tbs. creamy or crunchy natural peanut butter 2 tsp. cherry jam MAKE IT

1. Spread 1 tsp. butter on 1 side of each bread slice. 2. Coat skillet with cooking spray and place 1 slice of bread in pan, butter side down. Cook for 1 minute over medium-high heat. 3. Place the cheese on top of the bread in the pan. Cook for 1 more minute, until cheese melts. 4. Spread unbuttered side of remaining slice of bread with the peanut butter, then the jam. Place jam side down on the cheesecovered bread. Flip sandwich and cook for another minute. 5. Remove from pan and let sit for 1 minute. Slice in half and serve. NUTRITION PER SERVING

449 calories; 15g protein; 26g fat (12g sat. fat); 40g carbs; 2g fiber; 9g sugar; 2mg iron; 239mg calcium; 488mg sodium

Award your breakfast with cream cheese made with only the freshest milk and cream.

K I D S Ñ Pe t s

Animal House! Kila, 8, and her tabby cat, Lilo, 4

“He’s kind of like a teenager because he sleeps a lot.”

photograph by M E I TA O

K I L A GUSHES A B OU T H E R FELINE FR IEND: 1

When you pour yourself a glass of water, he just sticks his face in it and starts drinking.

He lies on my artwork. One time I built a mini puppet theater from cardboard, and Lilo just kept on sleeping on it. 3

He likes to jump on top of the counter, then hop inside of baskets. It’s his way of doing cat parkour. 4

When he’s outside on our patio, he stares at the pigeons. 5

Lilo loves lasers and flashlights. He’s always amazed when the light disappears. 6

He thinks that my bed is his bed. Lilo was found on the street with a broken leg. He was adopted from the Place for Cats rescue group, in New York City.

PA R E N T S

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2020

WARDROBE STYLING BY SARAH CLARY FOR THE WALL GROUP. GROOMING BY SUMMER TRAN. PROP STYLING BY TRACY MOYER. CHILD WRANGLING BY MELANIE SAWYER. ON KILA: SWEATSHIRT AND PANTS, MINI RODINI. LOAFERS, J.CREW.

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TEND TO

WORK SMARTER _ _ _ _ _

YO U R S E LF, B O DY AND SOUL

T H R I V E W H E N YO U ’ R E E X H A U S T E D _ _ _ _ _ ADDRE S S MARRIAGE IS SUE S

A swipe of bold lip color is always a fun power move, and finding your ideal hue is easy with Revlon Super Lustrous Lipsticks ($5 each; target .com), which come in 90-plus shades.

APPROVED

2020

PROP STYLING BY PAM MORRIS.

Psst: Beauty Wins in Aisle 5! Normally, when you swing through the megamart, you’re on a mission: Cold medicine, check. Batteries, check. Snack to prevent a meltdown, check. And then you walk into the beauty aisle and, wowza, where do you begin?! Every item in this guide represents the best in drugstore beauty, and these pages are organized by where you shop so you can grab your glam and go. by S H A N N O N M . B AU E R photographs by TED + CHELSEA C AVA N AU G H PA R E N T S

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YO U Ñ B e aut y H au l

S O YO U ’ R E AT

Walmart ... 1. Every hair type can use the hit of hydration that Pantene Miracle Moisture Boost Conditioner With Rose Water ($7) offers.

4 2

2. In just one year, Flower Beauty Warrior Princess Mascara ($10) has reached cult status. The hourglass brush and clump-free formula curls, lifts, and lengthens in a few coats.

3. When you swipe CoverGirl Clean Fresh Cooling Glow Stick in Opal Dreams ($11) across your cheekbones, you get not only a rested glow but also a (literally) cooler face. 4. Aveeno Apple Cider Vinegar Blend Hair Rinse ($9) is the antidote to your dry-shampoo addiction. Once a week, after shampooing, pour it over your hair to remove buildup and add shine. Rinse and follow with normal conditioner.

5. Jergens Body Butter ($6) gives you the deeply moisturizing properties of a thick cream—this one has cocoa, shea, and mango butters—in a no-mess, easy-to-squeeze tube.

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6. Spreading a cloud-like dollop of Dove Body Wash Mousse With Rose Oil ($6) across your body feels downright decadent and sets you up for a close shave and hydrated skin.

NEW

DREAM RADIANT

12HR Hydrating Liquid Foundation

Radiant ﬁnish with Hyaluronic Acid and Collagen. Medium coverage. 20 shades. For a look like Christy’s, try Classic Ivory.

YO U Ñ B e aut y H au l

S O YO U ’ R E AT

Whole Foods Market ...

1. Burt’s Bees Tinted Lip Balms ($5 each) deserve their spot in our pockets, purses, and diaper bags for always delivering the color we want and the hydration we need. 2. Agave extract in Ren Perfect Canvas Clean Primer ($45) gives skin that smooth look you expect from a primer, without the use of not-so-eco-friendly silicones.

3. We officially can’t get enough of these handcrafted and beautifully blended Pacha Soaps ($6), sold in scents like Almond Goat’s Milk (shown), French Lavender, and Sand & Sea.

S O YO U ’ R E AT

Target ... 4. If you have fine to medium hair, replace your in-shower conditioner with weightless, moisturizing, and detangling Kristin Ess Leave-In Conditioner ($10), and be amazed at how much more volume you have.

5. We all know the rules at Target: You must leave with something that wasn’t on your list. Our impulse buy is this Peach Slices Shrink Pores Sheet Mask ($2.50), which offers 15 minutes of chillaxing and brighter, smoother, clearer skin.

6. The chip-resistant formula of Essie Gel Couture Nail Polish in Perfect Posture ($11.50) is easy to apply, dries without a UV light, and lasts about seven days.

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7. Olay Moisture Ribbons Plus Shea + Blue Lotus ($5) is everything we need in a bodywash: a creamy texture that bubbles up easily, a light floral scent, and a finish that leaves our skin so silky.

©J&JCI 2020

YO U Ñ B e aut y H au l

S O YO U ’ R E AT

Walgreens ... 1. The scents of Secret With Essential Oils ($12) are way better than your typical powdery antiperspirant, plus you get full sweat and odor defense.

1 2

2. Smooth a dose of L’Oréal Paris Elvive 8 Second Wonder Water ($10) into hair (the bottle has measurements), rinse seconds later, and get your legit shine on. 3. Nothing gives us that natural, healthy, active-girl flush quite like Maybelline New York Cheek Heat Gel Cream Blush in Pink Scorch ($8). Blend onto cheeks with your fingers.

4. Head & Shoulders Supreme Soothe & Strengthen Conditioner ($9) contains the same dandruff-zapping ingredient that’s in other scalp-care lines, but it’s also nourishing and safe for color-treated hair. 5. Slick on the sheer, shiny tint of Neutrogena MoistureSmooth Color Stick in Bright Berry ($8.50) anywhere. No mirror needed! 6. Ribbons of shimmer in Milani Cosmetics Baked Blush in Berry Amore ($8) offer just the right amount of sexy glow when you dust a bit across your cheeks.

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7. Thanks to 3% hydrogen peroxide, Colgate Optic White Renewal Toothpaste ($10) can help remove ten years (!) of coffee and wine stains in about a month of twice-a-day brushing.

SUPERCHARGE YOU R

Available at

S KIN

YO U Ñ R e a l Ta l k

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MOMS AT

WORK

TAM RON HALL IS DOING IT ALL The outspoken talk-show host has a new baby, a new husband, and a new job, and she’s doing her best to juggle all three. We tagged along with her on a typical Tuesday to see how she does it—or at least, how she tries. by E R I N B R I E D photographs by M E I TA O

YO U Ñ R e a l Ta l k

Tamron Hall’s life glows. Her more than 785K followers see her on the set of the syndicated show Tamron Hall, which debuted in September, two years after the Today show nudged her off to make room for Megyn Kelly. (We all remember how that turned out.) There are snaps from beach vacations and from a boxing ring where Hall works out by throwing punches once or twice a week. There are videos of her 10-month-old son, Moses, giggling. Presumably, behind many of these shots is her husband, music executive Steven Greener, whom she married in a private ceremony last year. (She kept the initial details of their relationship out of the public. “As an interracial, interfaith couple, we knew the world would throw darts,” she says.) Tamron also kept her pregnancy, at age 48, under wraps, fearful of the risks inherent at that age. She revealed it to delighted fans at 32 weeks and welcomed baby Moses last April. Of course, between the rosy moments in her feed, there’s been some struggle. Hall goes to bed too late and wakes up too early. She drinks more coffee than she’d care to admit and eats dinner alone with her husband less often than she’d like. At work, she spends rare free moments on her phone, checking Moses via babycam and ordering diapers online. “I don’t mind Instagram, with all its filters, as long as we also get real and say, ‘Do you know how many pictures I took before I posted this one?’ ” says Hall. “If we all just rip off our masks and say, ‘Damn it, this is hard,’ we can release the pressure we unnecessarily endure. We’re all just doing the best we can.” In an act of solidarity with her fellow working moms, Hall invited Parents to shadow her during a typical workday for a look at what her life is really like. This is Tamron Hall, no filters, no retakes, and in her own words. 5:35

a.m.

I’m sleeping lightly, thinking about work, when

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Moses’s camera goes on. He’s not crying, just rolling around, so I close my eyes again for a minute. Then I kiss my husband, freshen up, and let out my dog, May Luv. She’s 12. 6:05

a.m.

When I walk into his room, Moses is up and laughing with his nanny, who lives with us. Six out of seven days he’s smiley, which I love. I just want to lie down on the floor with him. One morning he started crying, and I was like, “Oh, no! You have a whole tear!” My mom was with us and laughed. “Tamron, get over it!” she said. “Babies cry!” 6:10

a . m . I carry Moses downstairs and we say good morning to our parrot, Jojo. And also everything else: “Good morning, windows. Good morning, kitchen.” Then I sit him in his chair and pull out his food for the whole day—an avocado and cereal, cauliflower and peaches, beets and yellow squash. I use a Beaba Babycook to puree. Preparing his food makes me feel like I’m nourishing him even when I’m not home.

6:28

a.m.

6:30

a.m.

7: 0 0

a.m.

Coffee! I’m forced to take my Nespresso to go in a ceramic mug because I recently got annoyed and purged all 75 Thermoses I’d accumulated. I still have yesterday’s mug in my purse. That’s life. I don’t feel bad about saying goodbye to Moses. It’s the reality of being a working mom. I also love my job. I mean, if I hit the Powerball, would they hear from me again? Probably not. But I try not to focus on the leaving part too much. I just give Moses a kiss and go. When I arrive at the studio, I go straight into hair and makeup. With my work, I feel a huge responsibility to the people around me because if I win, everyone wins. Everyone’s future, including my baby’s, is linked to mine. It’s a lot of pressure! I used to be anxious about the enormity of it all. Before my first day, I fantasized about packing up my baby and husband and jetting off to Mexico to sell T-shirts. But I don’t think about it anymore on a day-to-day basis. 7: 5 7 a . m . My assistant brings me a Starbucks soy white mocha. I used to drink only one coffee a day, but now I have bad influences around me. You know the question, “If somebody jumped off a bridge, would you follow?” Clearly, I would! 8:00

a.m.

My team prepares for the show. We go over every segment, and I want everyone to feel they’re empowered to contribute. I hired a diverse staff. I know how it feels being the only woman to walk into a room full of men. I also know how it feels to be the only woman of color to walk into a room of white women. So for my show, I addressed not only the gender disparity in the television industry but also the racial disparity. When I say, “Sisterhood is real,” I include all women. 8 : 2 8 a . m . Off to my dressing room to write thank-you cards to my guests from the day before. When I was in

WARDROBE STYLING BY ERIC NIEMAND. HAIRSTYLING BY JOHNNY WRIGHT. MAKEUP BY TENELLE VEIRA. MANICURE BY CANDICE IDEHEN USING MEDUSA NAILS. PROP STYLING BY TRACY MORGAN. CHILD WRANGLING BY MELANIE SAWYER. PREVIOUS SPREAD, ON TAMRON: SUIT, HAIDER ACKERMANN. HEELS, GIANVITO ROSSI. EARRINGS, JENNIFER FISHER. NECKLACE, PARPALA JEWELRY. ON MOSES: MISHA & PUFF. THIS PAGE, ON TAMRON: SHIRT, THEORY. SKIRT, ZIMMERMANN. HEELS, MANOLO BLAHNIK. BRACELET, ALEXIS BITTAR. EARRINGS, FALLON. OPPOSITE PAGE, ON TAMRON: DRESS, MAGDA BUTRYM. WHITE EARRINGS AND RING, JENNIFER MILLER. ON MOSES: KISSY KISSY.

O N I N S TAG R A M ,

S E E TA M R O N & M O S E S Scan this code with your phone’s camera to take a peek behind the scenes at Tamron Hall’s cover shoot (no app needed).

local news, Stedman Graham, Oprah Winfrey’s partner, was on our show, and he wrote me a heartfelt note. I want to do that for people too. 8:32

a.m.

My nanny texts. Moses is going down for his nap. My husband set up a camera-intercom system so I can

see and talk to Moses. I always check in before his naps and say hi via intercom. “See you soon, Mosey!” Now’s also the time when I do my Amazon orders. I recently said to my husband, “Do you think those paper towels just magically appear?” I have this “I can handle it all”

Parents’ Lightning Round L AT E S T M O S E S MILESTONE

KEY PIECE OF BABY G E AR

Pulling himself up to stand

The Skip Hop Pronto changing kit, so I don’t have to carry the whole diaper bag into a public bathroom

FAV E B A B Y C L O T H E S

Misha & Puff B A B Y B O O K I L OV E

Please, Baby, Please, by Spike Lee and Tonya Lewis Lee, a gift from Harry Belafonte and his wife, Pamela Frank

B E S T B A B Y A DV I C E

Don’t worry about getting things wrong. Just enjoy.

FA M I LY ’ S H A P P Y P L A C E

All three of us in the bed, hanging out together D R E A M TA L K- S H O W GUESTS

Ben Affleck and Eddie Murphy I C A N ’ T WA I T T O TA K E M O S E S T O …

The Bronx Zoo, the Fort Worth Zoo, or the Philadelphia Zoo

attitude, but I’m trying to stop. Not as a punishment to Steven, but as a lesson to myself. I have a partner and should pass off some of the household management. 8:44

a.m.

8:58

a.m.

I haven’t had a single thing to eat yet, so I’ll eat a fruit plate but only because a staff member put it in front of me. I prefer hard-boiled eggs but my team says they smell. My favorite breakfast is actually a peanut butter, banana, honey, and almond-milk shake. But I went to bed last night at 11:30, and I would’ve had to get up earlier than 5:30 to make one. Not today! Oh, this is Tyler Perry texting me. He saw my interview with Whoopi Goldberg and says it was awesome. Wow, that’s high praise. And a little surreal. 9:11

a.m.

Off to wardrobe, then promos and another touch-up. Tuesdays and Thursdays are busy because we tape two shows each day. I call Mondays “Moses Mondays” because we do only one show and he meets me here. On

LET HER KNOW THAT ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE

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YO U Ñ R e a l Ta l k

6 Things You Didn’t Know About Tamron 1

Her childhood nickname was “Not Necessarily.” “I’ve always been contrary.” 2

Her beauty team calls her “New Next Now.” “I will try anything. I just got a Japanese face roller that’s supposed to do something for … maybe my lymph nodes? I don’t know. It was on sale. When I was pregnant, my late-night fix was ordering on Amazon while bingeing on The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. I’d get things and could not recall having ordered them. It was like our account was hacked, but it wasn’t. It was me!” 3

She has zero tolerance for trolling. “This usually comes from women who’ve been shamed themselves, so they pass it on. It’s toxic. If you own your own space, then you don’t have to worry about mine.” 4

Clutter drives her crazy. “I have storage baskets everywhere. Every night I put everything in its place. I may eventually lose the war, but I am waging the battles.”

TOP, RALPH AND RUSSO. SKIRT, VICTORIA HAYES. EARRINGS, FALLON. HEELS, OSCAR DE LA RENTA.

She believes in self-care. “Once I get home, I’ll take my shower, read emails, then hang out with Moses. I never saw my mom take a moment for herself, so I’m happy we talk about self-care now.” 6

She keeps a handwritten card from her husband in her purse. “He gave it to me before my first show. It says, ‘Tamron, you have been ready for this moment your whole life. The last two years, you were able to keep the noise out and stay focused, having the faith to keep pushing and always picking yourself back up. Continue that now and this day forward. We’re so very proud of you. You’ve earned the opportunity, babe. It’s your moment to shine. We love you. Steven and Moses’ ”

Wednesdays, I take him to baby music class. He’s specializing in guitar. It’s hilarious. On Fridays, I work from home, studying for the upcoming week. I try to arrange my calls during his naps, but it’s a juggle. I used to feel guilty for using my phone around him, but I can’t put my team on hold because I’m playing with my son, right? That’s not fair to them either. So I just keep calls quick. 10:00

a.m.

Here we go. Live television! Moses watches from home. It’s sweet, but I’m sure I’ll get booted for Sesame Street soon. I’m no match for Elmo. 11:00

a.m.

Show’s over. I’m happy with it. When I’m out there, I feel like I’m with friends. I take selfies and shake hands with the audience and get hugs, so before I go back to my dressing room, I use Purell right away. That’s for Moses’s sake. We’re six months in and, knock wood, no colds! 11:30

a.m.

I shoot a mini digital show about my clothes because people are always asking. I’m not playing dress-up on the show. It’s me. I mean, I don’t wear a jewel-encrusted Miu Miu dress around my son, but I always dress cute. This idea that momhood means uncute is so not true. Yes, I’ve had days when I’ve walked around disoriented in milk-stained leggings. But I’ve also had disorienting days as a working woman supporting myself in a competitive field driven by patriarchal rules. I just didn’t have milk stains then. 1 2 : 1 5 p. m .

More card writing while I eat lunch. I’m having salmon with brown rice and broccoli. I’m not a healthy eater, but my assistant got it for me, and she is. My only rule is that I need something warm. 1 2 : 3 9 p. m .

I haven’t talked to Steven all day! This is unprecedented. He usually calls between shows. I’ll try to call him. Nope, he’s not answering. I have an event tonight where I’m accepting an award, then we have a dinner date at 8:30. I hate calling it a date. To be honest, I’m worried I’m going to be too tired. I kind of want to cancel, but I’m not going to, because we haven’t had dinner just the two of us in weeks. Most nights Steven

and I sit with Moses during his dinner, then team up for bath and bedtime. 1 2 : 4 5 p. m .

I got so distracted that I haven’t called my son yet either. Oh, that’s sad. But at least my mom is with him today. She comes up from Texas for two weeks at a time to stay with us. I talk to her every day, but to watch her nurture my child is next-level. I see on the camera that he’s eating. “I’ll talk to you again later. Bye-bye! Mommy loves you!” 1 2 : 4 7 p. m .

Here’s my assistant with my cappuccino. I’ll devour some Gummy Bears too. It’s not the calories I try to avoid. It’s the crash. Two-show days are tough. Sometimes, I’ll lie down around now with a decompression mask. It’s like a weighted blanket for your face. But there’s no time today. 1 : 0 0 p. m .

Back to hair and makeup, then time to meet with my team about the second show, which we tape live to air the next day. 1 : 3 0 p. m .

We try to start the second show promptly because afterward I need to prep for the rest of the week. After that, I’ll race home, hoping to give Moses his three o’clock bottle. Then I’ll take a short nap, play with him, feed him his 5:30 meal, lay out his pj’s, get ready for the night, go to the event, and have dinner. Then I’ll live to fight another day.

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YO U ÑWo rk

MOMS AT

WORK

YO U R N E W

CAREER MINDSET

Young mothers are doing whatever it takes to thrive at work as they build families at home. If you’re struggling to balance ambition with parenthood, these insights may help. by A N N S H O K E T

O N H E R L A S T DAY

of work before her baby girl was due, Danielle Kempe packed up her office, hugged her coworkers, and put her head in her hands to cry. “I loved my job,” she says. “It was the most money I’d ever made and I thought it was the last time I’d get to that senior level.” Her boss had been supportive of her pregnancy, but the organization where she worked—a domestic-violence nonprofit based in Somerville, Massachusetts—was too small to offer any paid maternity leave. And the cost of child care felt like more than she and her husband could handle. “I’ve always been the person striving for the next step,” says Danielle. After college, she steadily moved up the ladder in the not-for-profit world. After

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ten years, she had finally landed at an organization that was meaningful to her. But in the first week of her dream job, Danielle found herself doubled over the trash can with morning sickness. She was thrilled to be pregnant—it had been a long and frustrating road to conception—but was also conflicted. “My husband and I did the math,” Danielle says. “Most of my salary would go to paying for day care.” Plus, they were still paying off medical bills from infertility treatments and student debt. Like so many others before her, Danielle grappled with seemingly unavoidable trade-offs between family and career but was determined to manage both. For the past four years, I’ve been hosting dinners with millennial women to talk

about the new rules of ambition and work success as part of ongoing research for my book, The Big Life. And by the second glass of wine, the conversation inevitably turns to one question: Will I be able to keep my foot on the gas of my profession when I have children? When you’ve devoted time to building your career before having a baby, you assume that you’ll be able to continue moving up as you build your family. But the truth is, life often doesn’t work out that way. The motherhood penalty is still a reality. According to the latest Bright Horizons’ annual Modern Family Index, 60 percent of working Americans agree that career opportunities are given to less-qualified employees over working moms who may be more skilled. And in

Saturday naptime might just be the perfect opportunity to bring fresh perspective to a project.

YO U ÑWo rk

Redefine equality at home. As a girl growing up in rural Pennsylvania, Missy Lafferty knew she wanted a big career, but it wasn’t easy to reconcile her ambition with the reality of building a family. “I wasn’t always sure I wanted to have kids, but I knew that if I had kids, I didn’t want to be the primary caregiver.” By the time she and her partner, Pete, were ready to have a baby, they had been together for 11 years. While their home life felt secure and equal, she worried about what would happen when she went back to her job running recruiting operations for a tech company in New York City. They were already sharing bills and household chores, so they agreed to take the same divide-and-conquer approach to their new roles. Pete would take the lead on scheduling and attending doctor

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“WHEN WOMEN COME BACK AFTER M AT E R N I T Y L E AV E , W E NEED TO MAKE SURE WE’RE BEING KIND AND OFFERING TO HELP THEM IN ANY W AY W E C A N .”

appointments, while she’d handle family finances. They decided to split child-care expenses based on their income—Missy earned more, so she’d pay more. But she was still concerned about dividing up daily parenting tasks and becoming the lead parent by default. Everything fell into place, however, when Pete took paternity leave for a month after her own leave ended, and he became more comfortable taking care of their baby. “That month made all the difference because we knew we could both do it,” she says. Taking paternity leave—and timing it strategically the way Missy and Pete did—is the key to equality at home and at work, says Lauren Smith Brody, author of The Fifth Trimester. That is, if your partner is lucky enough to get it. Less than a third of U.S. companies currently offer paternity leave—and only a fraction of men take it when they’re given the

opportunity. “Paternity leave gives your partner a crash course in taking care of the baby, and it reminds you that both jobs are equally important,” says Brody. Amri Kibbler and her husband, Jason, of Brooklyn, New York, consider themselves a team. They have a list of daily must-haves that keep their lives running smoothly (plenty of coffee in the a .m. to keep him energized and 20 minutes of private time for yoga to keep her focused), plus a massive family calendar to keep track of the schedules for their daughters, ages 3 and 8. But Amri, the founder of HeyMama, a network for entrepreneurial mothers, doesn’t dwell on keeping their relationship 50-50. Instead, she and Jason are focused on their long-term goals, which include moving to a new home and creating a new business together. Knowing where they’re going as a family has helped prevent dayto-day squabbles about whose job takes precedence. Even though Jason, a photographer and entrepreneur, is the breadwinner now, they’ve agreed that her business has even greater potential. Says Amri, “We’re investing in my vision as much as we’re investing in the dollar amount that he’s bringing home today.”

Be willing to switch gears. When you’re young, the hustle of the work world can be energizing. But when Carmen (whose name has been changed) and her husband had a baby last year, the late nights and weekend hours that had propelled her to a series of promotions in the advertising industry suddenly became unrealistic. After her maternity leave, she participated in a company program to work part-time, but her boss wasn’t supportive of the initiative and gave her an unreasonable workload. Her son seemed to pick up every germ at day care, which made balancing things more challenging. Eventually, she was let go. “However, it was a blessing in disguise because it forced me to consider other careers with more flexibility,” she says. The lure of a flexible schedule was what made Alexandra Dickinson, of New York City, start her own business as a salary-negotiation consultant even before she was thinking about having a

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35 states and the District of Columbia, the average cost of child care for two kids exceeds mortgage payments, according to Child Care Aware of America. We can all agree that when it costs more to take care of your children than it does to put a roof over your head, the system is broken. What follows is not take-on-the-system advice, it’s advice for right here and right now, from women who are shoring up the support they need in order to continue to achieve and succeed in all parts of their lives.

baby. Her days were a mix of networking, lunches, client meetings, and late-night events, and though she could work from anywhere, she was always working. The moment she realized something had to change was when she and her husband put down a deposit to reserve the last available spot at a local day-care center nine months in advance. “We looked at each other and said, ‘Holy crap, day care is expensive!’ ” She decided to take a job at a personal-finance company that offered regular hours, a steady paycheck, and benefits. Instead of seeing the job as a setback, she considers it a way to express her ambition with a safety net.

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It’s okay to wing it a little. Over the past eight years, Andrea Schiola, of Denver, went through IVF, had three children, dealt with postpartum depression, and became the first female vice president on the sales side of her IT staffing firm. Her title is proof that you can have children, work hard, and be rewarded, she says. “Many of the other women in my company look to me as an example, and I feel a responsibility to show them, yes, there is a path for you, there is a way to be ambitious and still be happy with your home life.” But Andrea says that she and her husband never had a specific plan for how they would handle it all. Before her first babies were born—twin girls—Andrea was traveling three days a week and

clocking in days from 7 a .m. to 6 p.m. in the office. When the twins came two months early, her mom stepped in as day-to-day child care (not for free—they pay her), but the key to Andrea’s success has turned out to be working from home every day. She drops her kids at school by 7:30, and she’s back at home at her desk by 8:00, checking in with her team, instead of sitting in traffic for an hour-long commute. “My boss initially gave me the okay for a trial period, and since it was working out, I just kept doing it,” she says. “There’s no reason these days that someone should fail at work because she’s unable to sit at the same desk for a preset number of hours a day,” says Annie Dean, founder of Werk, which helps companies build a more flexible workforce through data. However, instead of waiting to see what happens, she suggests having a conversation about flexibility with your managers up front. “Say, ‘I want to do my best work for you, and in order to do that, I need to shift my schedule or work away from the office.’ That way it’s not emotional. It’s about the best business outcomes you can achieve.” In her leadership role at work, Andrea believes it’s up to management to pave the way. “When women come back after maternity leave, we need to make sure we’re being kind and offering to help them in any way we can,” she says. “And if we’re giving them the freedom to work from home or to leave early to pick up the kids, we also have to reiterate that to the rest of the office so there’s no resentment.” Although our work culture across the country has a way to go, that kind of transparency will benefit everyone. “When women are able to take care of themselves, continue to participate in the workforce, and figure out how to be in a career where they’re fulfilled, that’s good for the economy and good for families,” says Dean. “Not every person needs to take on the whole system, but hopefully we will over time.”

Get Your Boss on Board Have a response ready for every flextime objection your boss can muster. Pat Katepoo, a negotiation coach at WorkOptions.com, suggests a few. 1 W H E N YO U R S U P E R V I S O R S AY S :

“We’ve never tried this before.” YO U C A N S AY:

“It might be new for us, but hundreds of leading companies offer flexible work arrangements as a recruitment and retention strategy, and for the productivity gains.” 2 W H E N YO U R S U P E R V I S O R S AY S :

“It’s important for everyone to be in the office for meetings.” YO U C A N S AY:

“Today’s virtual-meeting technology means I won’t miss a beat if there’s a meeting on one of my remote working days.” 3 W H E N YO U R S U P E R V I S O R S AY S :

“How do I know you’ll actually work when you’re at home?” YO U C A N S AY:

“You’ll know I’m productive by my output, the same way you currently assess my performance. I’d be happy to have a quick check-in each morning about the day’s work.” 4 W H E N YO U R S U P E R V I S O R S AY S :

“I don’t see how your job can be turned into part-time.” YO U C A N S AY:

“I’ve broken down my position into its various job functions so I can retain the primary responsibilities, and I’ve suggested how to off-load the less critical tasks. Which are you most concerned about?” 5 W H E N YO U R S U P E R V I S O R S AY S :

“I’m just not sure it will work.” YO U C A N S AY:

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“My proposal details how my job will get done under the new arrangement. Would you give it a trial period for three months, and then we can reevaluate?” —Kate Ashford

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How to Succeed in Business Without Really Sleeping These are the years when you’re supposed to be busting your butt to get ahead—but all you can think about is going back to bed. We have helpful ways to balance work and weariness so you can stay on top of your job.

I T ’ S A S T O RY

that probably sounds familiar: I became a mom, and so began several months of operating on no more than three consecutive hours of rest. I felt like a sleepwalker, rarely getting shuteye but never being quite awake either. When I was on maternity leave and my only job was caring for my newborn, these zombie-like tendencies weren’t a big deal. My performance goals were low—putting on a clean pair of pants

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was promotion-worthy. And since my boss stayed alert for only a couple of hours at a time, I could usually get away with dozing during the workday. However, returning to my actual workplace 12 weeks postpartum was another story. I fought drooping eyelids and mental fog as I tried to write emails to colleagues. Emails that mattered. Emails that people would read. And despite my brain sputtering

at half speed, I had to work faster than ever in order to dash out the door on time for day-care pickup. It’s not just new moms who need a lot of coffee, though. Research has shown that parents face disrupted sleep for up to six years after the birth of their first child. (Just when things seem okay, your preschooler’s sleep regression can land you back at square one.) Being exhausted isn’t just a nuisance; it can

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Sleeping next to your phone isn’t ideal since every ping can drag you back to waking.

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professionally. So how do you lean in when all you really want to do is lie down? Try these expert-backed tips for feeling more awake at work.

Enforce an early bedtime routine—for yourself. As tempted as you may be to squeeze in all the chores (or all the Netflix) in those precious hours between your kid’s bedtime and your own, don’t. “Go to sleep as early as possible, even if it’s a time that seems comically early,” says Laura Vanderkam, author of 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think. “Even though there are a million things you could be doing, just go to bed.” You may be destined for wake-ups later in the night, but getting a few continuous hours of sleep earlier is especially crucial when it comes to feeling refreshed come morning. A consistent sleep routine—going to bed and waking up at the same time within an hour or so every day—is key to feeling rested. “We almost always have a wake-up alarm to tell us it’s time to get out of bed, but I think it’s also important to have a bedtime alarm. We get caught up in whatever we’re doing, and before we know it, it’s way too late,” Dr. Paruthi says. She suggests setting an alarm 15 to 30 minutes before you intend to hit the sheets so

you have time to wind down. Then keep your phone and tablet out of sight because the blue light they emit can stimulate your brain, making nodding off trickier.

Share the sleep debt. Whether you’re dealing with wee-hour feedings or night terrors, getting uninterrupted sleep may be out of the question. But if possible, don’t bear that burden solo. You shouldn’t be “on duty” more than three nights in a row if there is a partner who can help. One of you should be on call for wake-ups for three nights and then off for three nights, Dr. Maas recommends. (If you breastfeed, you can pump for your nights off or at least have your partner bring your baby to you and handle any diaper changes.) A system of three on, three off gives your biological clock a chance to reset, whereas switching off every other night puts your body into a jet lag–like state every two days.

Lighten up. That gleaming orb in the morning sky is one of your best allies for feeling human again. As soon as you wake up, flood your room with as much sunshine as possible, suggests Whitney Roban, Ph.D., a sleep specialist at SolveOurSleep.com. “This signals to your body that it should suppress production of melatonin, and it resets your circadian rhythm for the day, giving you energy immediately.” Aim for about 15 minutes of bright light in the a .m., which you can achieve while walking the dog or taking your child to day care. When you get to work, make your office as bright as possible, and try to go outside for even a minute or two of sunshine anytime you start to get sleepy. While gray skies may make you feel drowsy, you’ll still receive the daylight-spectrum light your internal clock needs, but in a less powerful dose. If you don’t have access to natural light, an inexpensive light-therapy lamp can make a huge difference, Dr. Paruthi says. It just needs to be bright enough (look for one around 10,000 lux) and placed at the correct distance from your eyes (14 to 18 inches). You

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make you more irritable and affect your relationships at work, says Shalini Paruthi, M.D., medical codirector of St. Luke’s Sleep Medicine and Research Center, in St. Louis. You may start moving more slowly and take longer to perform even basic tasks. “And if the deprivation increases, the next thing to go is accuracy—you start to make mistakes,” says Dr. Paruthi. “You might catch some before they cause trouble, but others may be harmful, especially if you operate heavy machinery,” including a car. “If you cut out an hour of sleep every night for a week, by the end of the week you’re no more alert than a person who is legally drunk,” says James B. Maas, Ph.D., author of Power Sleep, Sleep for Success!, and Sleep to Win! When Ashley Jacobs, a former morning news anchor, was balancing early motherhood with the 1:30 a.m. wake-ups required for her job, she realized her lack of sleep had reached dangerous levels after she was pulled over for swerving. “I was falling asleep at the wheel. I didn’t know what exit I was at,” she says. Aside from your own safety, not to mention others on the road, you may be worried about the health of your career. It’s a bitter coincidence that a woman’s prime childbearing years coincide with some of the most pivotal years for her

can use it for about 15 minutes in the morning and when you feel yourself getting worn out at work before noon.

an infant. “It really refreshed me, and I could better deal with the rest of the afternoon.” If sneaking away for 15 minutes is out of the question, tide yourself over with shorter periods of rest, even if that means just closing your eyes on the toilet for a few minutes.

Get moving. Being active may also give you a boost, says Jennifer Lea, a performance coach at Johnson & Johnson’s Human Performance Institute. “You’re enhancing circulation and asking your cells to create energy,” she says. And we’re not talking about a 30-minute workout—or even a ten-minute one. As little as one to two minutes can give you a lift. “One of my favorite things to do is find a private space, pick a high-energy song, and have a little dance break for 40 seconds,” Lea says. If you’re in a workplace that’s not conducive to dance breaks, just put a favorite up-tempo tune on in your earbuds and go for a walk instead. A quick outdoor jaunt can provide a triple boost: fresh air, sunshine, and pumping endorphins. Taking a lap around the office floor or even climbing up or down a few flights of stairs will suffice if weather prevents you from an alfresco stroll.

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Fuel your day. A vending-machine candy bar may seem enticing when you’re running on fumes, but the lift it provides will be short-lived. Samantha Cassetty, R.D., director of nutrition at TheHealthy Mommy.com, says, “You want energy that’s going to be slow and steady. What brings you that is the combination of carbs, protein, and fat.” Good choices: a banana with nut butter, red-pepper strips and guacamole, or pumpkin seeds and dried fruit. And remember to drink water. “Lots of people don’t realize that being dehydrated is a major cause of fatigue,” says Cassetty. The less water you have in your system, the lower your blood volume—and that means your heart has to work harder to get oxygen to your brain. “Busy moms may not think about drinking water throughout the day, but it can really reinvigorate you.” She recommends putting a bottle at your desk in the morning and aiming to drink 32 ounces by the end of the day and another 32 before bed.

Got coffee?

Caffeinate carefully. There are some days when the strength of your parenting skills feels directly proportional to the strength of your coffee. “I now have a deep appreciation for cold brew,” says Mollie Smith-Wood, a director of special education at a high school in West Philadelphia, who had to go back to work when her daughter was just 5 weeks old. Nobody’s going to pry that cherished cup of joe from your hands, but experts do advise imbibing intentionally. “Caffeine will help you power through the morning, but it stays in your body longer than you think,” says Dr. Roban. Research suggests that consuming caffeine as many as six hours before bedtime can make it harder to fall asleep. Even if that java is calling your name, cut off all caffeine consumption (including chocolate and decaf, which isn’t entirely uncaffeinated) by 2 p.m.

Make time to nap if you can. Steal a page from your little one’s agenda. A ten- to 30-minute catnap is an effective way to feel more awake and may improve performance. Just make sure you don’t nap too long (snoozing for more than a half hour could put you into a deeper sleep, leaving you groggier) or too late in the day (this could interfere with your ability to sleep at night). “I would go to my car, put the seat down or get into the back seat, and put my jacket over my eyes for darkness. Then I would set an alarm so I could get up after 20 to 30 minutes,” says Sara Abate Rez, a branding expert in Vaughan, Ontario, whose sleep deprivation affected her mood, memory, and focus when her first child was

Know when to declare a sleep emergency. If your exhaustion is seriously compromising your work or putting you in danger, consider taking a sick day that will get you off the road and into bed. “I’m a big proponent of taking a mental-health day, but using it just to sleep will throw off your circadian rhythm,” Dr. Roban says. “Instead, use the day to relax, and if you do need to sleep, end your nap before 3 p.m.” You should also think about whether it makes sense to discuss your sleep deprivation with your manager. Even if you feel comfortable speaking up, frame it carefully. “Bosses don’t want to hear about problems; they want to hear solutions,” says Lisa Durante, a career consultant and strategist for working parents in Toronto. Prior to your chat, assess the situation and figure out what you think you can change to achieve a different outcome. Maybe you’ll try a new sleep-training tactic or enlist your partner’s help for nighttime wake-ups. Rather than opening the conversation with, “I’m so exhausted I can’t concentrate,” say, “This is what’s happening right now, but I want to let you know that we’re taking these steps to fix it at home,” and go from there, Durante suggests. Sleep deprivation may feel like a parent’s rite of passage, but that doesn’t mean you need to suffer unnecessarily. If you think it might work for you, consider enlisting professional help, in the form of a sleep consultant to address your child’s sleep issues or a doctor who can rule out a potential sleep disorder. Most important, know that this torture will not last forever, Lea says. “For new moms, especially, that fact can get lost in the shuffle. But I’m here to tell you that this too shall pass. You’re not destined to be exhausted for the rest of your life.”

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M O N E Y I S A H O T- B U T T O N

issue in marriage, but in my work as a therapist, I’ve found that it can be particularly thorny when women outearn men—even in 2020. Genderrole expectations (women are “nurturers,” men are “providers”) influence all of us more than we’d like, and they can make honest conversations difficult. Moms who love their job and are proud of their career get mixed messages from society and sometimes from their partner. Corinne, who has a more high-powered job than her husband, Rod, was blindsided when he said he felt neglected. “I thought we were on the same team. Life’s busy, and we’re all working together,” she told me. “He loves my income, but he doesn’t understand that I can’t take care of everyone 24/7 too.” What are the best ways to communicate skillfully about earning differences? Keep these five points in mind.

We all want to be successful, yet earning more than your partner can still stir up mixed emotions. Here’s how to make sure both of you feel valued. by D A P H N E

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MARNEFFE , Ph.D.

Avoid using words that relate to gender stereotypes. A dad who’s spending more time caring for the kids may be sensitive if he’s told he’s not “ambitious” enough, and a hardworking mom might be offended if she’s told she’s not “caring” enough. Instead, focus on whether you’re each contributing to the family’s

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When Mom’s the Breadwinner, There’s No Loser

Respect each other no matter what your earnings or social status.

NURTURE YOUR NATURAL

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well-being in a way that feels fair to both of you. If not, find nonblaming ways to discuss it. Start with what your partner is doing right (“I so appreciate all the ways you support me in my work”) before raising potential areas of improvement (“Things would feel fairer to me if we divided up the cooking differently”). Really listen to each other and keep talking until you find a workable compromise.

Accept that talking about finances raises fears. I encourage couples to have a “money date” or use our therapy session to listen to each other’s stories about money. If you learn that your wife’s embarrassment about her run-down home as a kid has fueled her desire to make a good living or that your husband’s father’s workaholism made him vow to lead a more balanced life, it will give you more empathy for your partner’s current choices and values.

Consider the mental load.

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A common complaint I hear from higher-earning moms is that they still have the lion’s share of responsibility for the practical and emotional needs of their family. When couples come to me with this problem, I suggest they each reconsider their own perspective. Susan, a successful executive, said, “It’s up to me to keep track of everything and also pay most of the bills!” Her husband, Stuart, saw it differently: “She micromanages me when she’s at work, telling me what snack to give the kids and how to spend our time. She makes more work for herself when she doesn’t treat me as a competent parent.” Although her detail-oriented approach was an asset at her job, Susan had to relax her desire for control at home. But Stuart had underrated the importance of keeping the mental map of the family’s needs—in part because he was angry about her micromanaging. They agreed to have a weekly meeting to keep track of who was doing what.

offering love and support. And the challenge of doing both extends beyond situations where the woman already earns more. Tom and Bridget came to see me because Bridget wanted to start a personal-organizing business. When she shared the idea with Tom, he said, “If you can cover the cost of child care, I’m fine with it.” I told them Bridget’s goals shouldn’t be treated as “hers” to finance and that they needed to look at the big picture together. Responding to each other’s “soft” feelings (her dreams, his fears) was the first step, and making “hard-nosed” agreements was the second. They decided to use their vacation savings as startup costs for her business and plan on ten hours per week of child care. After six months, they’d reassess. This gave them a mutual understanding about their timeline and investment so they had a sense of shared purpose.

If you’re stressed, it’s not necessarily your partner’s fault. When you have an engaging and busy job, it’s easy to criticize your partner for not helping out enough. The person making more money can feel more entitled to complain—and this isn’t true only for male-female partnerships. Kate and Olivia, parents of two kids, came to see me because Olivia felt that Kate, the family’s big earner, was critical of how Olivia ran the household. We discovered that Kate was so used to directing people at her job that she carried that attitude over to their home life. When you have a lot of balls in the air, you may crave more help, but don’t devalue what your partner does. Empathy and fairness are the keys to defusing tension about different responsibilities and roles. And have some empathy for yourself too. Take a moment to feel proud of all you’ve accomplished and all the ways you’re able to support your family.

Daphne de Marneffe, Ph.D., is a psychologist

Try to be both “hard-nosed” and “softhearted.” Ideally, you want to deal with economic realities and career ambitions while

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and the author of Maternal Desire and The Rough Patch: Marriage and the Art of Living Together. Visit her at daphne demarneffe.com.

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Be Good to Your Back

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We asked Charla Fischer, M.D., an orthopedic surgeon at NYU Langone Health and the mom of a 1-year-old, for smart ways to keep your muscles happy and your spine aligned.

HEMPSEED OIL Often associated with its sister plant, marijuana, hemp is nature’s nonpsychoactive (meaning it won’t get you high) gift to those battling dryness. “Hempseed oil has long been used in skin care for its hydrating properties,” says Joshua Zeichner, M.D., a dermatologist at The Mount Sinai Hospital, in New York City. “It’s rich in fatty acids and emollient oils.” This also makes it a whiz at fighting frizz. Try it in these products: For hair SheaMoisture Cannabis Sativa (Hemp) Seed Oil Lush Length Lite Leave-In ($12) A postwash boost that nourishes dry ends, soothes a dry scalp, and makes hair appear fuller, this treatment also contains an extract of horsetail, a plant believed to encourage hair growth.

Steer clear of heavy gear. Strollers and car seats are awkward to handle, even if you choose a “lightweight” or “travel” version. There’s no shame in asking a friend or your partner to help you get these items to and from the car. Do you live up a flight (or more) of stairs? If so, see if you can find a place to stow your stroller at ground level. “I discourage taking your

stroller down the stairs with your child in it, even with help,” says Dr. Fischer, since the bending involved can be tough on your back. Plus, strollers aren’t designed to bounce down a flight or two, and your child could get injured.

Opt for a backpack. A purse or a work bag carried over one shoulder should ideally weigh just 3 pounds to keep your back happy, but achieving that weight is next to impossible when you’re toting a juice box, wet wipes, the files for tomorrow’s meeting, and Good Night, Gorilla. Dr. Fischer suggests investing in a backpack with a waist strap. That way, you won’t put all the strain on one unlucky shoulder. Just make sure that as you fill your pack, you place the heaviest items on the bottom, which will help you keep your balance. —Emily Elveru

YOUR THROAT’S IC K Y S EC RET Ever felt like something itsy but irksome was stuck in your throat? Ever had bad breath even after brushing? How about ear pain or throat swelling? If so, you may be part of the 8 percent of the population with a tonsillolith. It sounds like a prehistoric creature, but it’s actually a calcified bit of bacteria and debris (i.e., food) that forms on your tonsils. Most aren’t harmful, but if yours is causing you pain, have it removed by an ear, nose, and throat specialist. To avoid getting one, make sure to brush, floss, and gargle regularly. —K.A.R.

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For hands The Body Shop Hemp Hard-Working Hand Protector ($6) One of the company’s most heavy-duty moisturizers, the herby cream has legions of devoted fans, especially during the drying days of winter. —Katie Arnold-Ratliff

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Move mindfully. Try to let your legs do the work. “When I hug my daughter, I go down to her level by bending at the knees, not the waist,” says Dr. Fischer. “But she’s really cute, so I usually still pick her up when she asks.” To do so properly, avoid balancing your kid on one side of your body—the classic hippop stance takes a toll on your back—and instead hold her in front of you in your arms with her legs around your waist.

For body Jāsön De-Stress Cannabis Sativa Seed Oil Moisturizing Crème ($8) This hydrator combines the quenching power of hempseed oil with equally luxurious oatmeal, shea butter, and black-cuminseed oil.

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_ _ _ _ _ W H AT P E T S C A N T E A C H U S

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TOGETHER

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MARISA VITALE PHOTOGRAPHY.

Make Your Closet Your Happy Place This isn’t about coordinated hangers and tidy piles, although those are nice. An organized closet filled with well-fitting clothes you really love (not pre-baby “skinny” jeans and lingering maternity garb ) will spark joy!

Even if your closet isn’t as big as this one, you can find zen in a neat drawer. This space was designed by California Closets for mom of three Kristina Meltzer.

by I N G E L A R AT L E D G E AMUNDSON

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L I F EÑ O r g a n i z i n g

most moms, when you open your closet, you’re confronted with a disparate jumble that might as well belong to several different women. And in a way, it does. “After having kids, our body and lifestyle go through major changes,” says Melanie Kluger, a mom and author of The Confident Closet. Moms of young kids often have wardrobes that don’t reflect who they are today. Existing in this state of limbo takes a toll, cautions Shira Gill, a mom and founder of The Virtual Closet Makeover Program. “Surfing through clothes that don’t fit or are reminders of the past weighs you down.” With help from our panel of pros, learn how to edit, organize, and maintain a closet that supports you both inside and out.

way it makes me look and feel? Does it suit my lifestyle? Would I pay full price for it tomorrow? Would I care if it suddenly vanished? If the answer to any of these is no, then adios. W O R K I N S TA G E S . Don’t empty the entire contents of your closet in one go. Tackle the low-stakes categories first: Ease in with socks and underwear, which most of us are not sentimental about, then move on to the harder stuff. “Seeing the progress will help you stay motivated to keep going,” says Kluger.

You may discover that your fond memories of leather leggings are rosier than the current reality in the mirror. When you run across pieces that aren’t getting worn because they need alterations or repairs, put them aside. Pick an afternoon to mend, or put a date on your calendar to TRY TH I N G S O N .

Want new clothes without more clutter? Renting from sites like Infinite Style, Nuuly, and LeTote mean: No shopping. Hours and sanity saved! Less laundry—just return after you wear. A cleaner closet. You can quickly find what you need.

take them to the tailor. If you catch yourself agonizing over whether to keep an article of clothing, consider what self-sabotage might be afoot. “I often hear people trying to justify things like, ‘But so-and-so gave this to me’ or ‘I paid too much to get rid of it,’ ” Gill says. “Those thoughts are rooted in guilt and emotion, and they’ll make you keep anything.”

STEP 1:

Sort and Purge Making deep cuts to your wardrobe can be daunting, but it’s worth it. “Ninety percent of your effort goes into this stage,” Gill says. “When you’ve done a good edit, the rest of the organizing is simple.” Here’s a plan of attack.

For a piece to remain in your closet, it must fit, flatter, and serve a vital role—and that’s just the baseline, says Julie Agostini Auspaker, a mom and the director of merchandising for the plus-size subscription styling service Dia & Co. To discern whether something is up to snuff, ask yourself: Do I love it? Do I wear it? Is it in good condition? Do I like the S E T YO U R I N T E N T I O N S .

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It’s helpful to color-code your closet.

S U S S O U T “ D E A D E N D S .”

In her book The Conscious Closet, Elizabeth L. Cline warns readers to limit the pieces that go with absolutely nothing else in their wardrobe—the things that are difficult to make work because of the color or style. The discards can pile up fast, so sort as you go. Divide into three categories: MAKE AN EXIT PLAN.

1 Donate items in good condition that can find a second life via friends and family or charities like The Salvation Army or Dress for Success. 2

Recycle or toss stuff that’s too trashed to be reworn. H&M is among the companies that offer textile-recycling drop-offs in stores. 3

Sell gently used pieces through a local store or an online consignment service such as The RealReal and thredUP. A warning about consignment: Unless you’re off-loading mint-condition Prada and Chanel, don’t expect a windfall. You’ll get a tiny fraction of what you paid, often less than 10 percent, Gill says. Think of what your time is worth; you may prefer the tax write-off for a donation instead. B E WARE TH E S IRE N S O N G O F

“I’ve never seen anyone who’s been motivated to lose weight by saving their smaller clothes,” Gill says. Besides, trends change, and in 2022 you may have a different agenda. She also points out that most people who hit a milestone or make a lifestyle change want to buy new things, not wear stuff that was shoved away years before. The possible exceptions: maternity clothes for your next pregnancy and a few like-new, timeless classics you feel could fit well again. Pack them in one labeled bin per clothing category. “ S O M E D AY.”

VIVIAN JOHNSON.

I F YO U ’ R E LI K E

I can wear around kiddos, and clothes that I can’t,” Brucker says. For you, it might make more sense to divide the clothing between work and home or casual and dressy. But don’t be afraid to mix and match; effortless style is all about playing with contrasts.

should be rotated to an out-of-the-way region of the closet or stored and labeled until their turn comes around. Occasional-use items, like swimwear, ugly Christmas sweaters, or costumes, can be kept in labeled bins on an upper shelf.

Within those larger zones, separate items by type (blouses, trousers, jeans, skirts, etc.), then by color within each subsection, since that’s how we tend to get dressed. To preserve the boundaries between sections, Gill recommends using clip-on rod dividers ($1 each; containerstore.com) that serve as a visual cue.

C O N TA I N ( E R ) Y O U R S E L F.

SORT BY T YPE .

STEP 2:

Style and Organize

PUT ACCESSORIES ON

Now that your wardrobe has been whittled down to strictly the A-list, give it the treatment it deserves with spiffed-up surroundings and an easy-to-navigate layout.

“How you arrange your closet will be determined by your lifestyle, but the rule of thumb is to group your clothing by usage first,” Gill says. For example, Laurie Brucker, a PUT LIKE WITH LIKE.

“The more visible your jewelry is, the better,” says Kluger. Think creatively about how to present your baubles—whether this means jewelry in trays or a pretty scarf displayed on a hook—so you’ll wear them more often. D I S P L AY.

Los Angeles–based personal stylist and author of the upcoming book You Are the Style, shifted gears after welcoming her first baby last March. “My closet now has two sections: clothes that

B A C K- B U R N E R T H E S E A S O N A L A N D S P E C I A LT Y.

Only the clothes that are currently in season get a spot in the front-and-center lineup; other garments

3 Ideas to Pretty Up the Place Function is key, but form matters, too, so take this opportunity to upgrade your closet’s aesthetic. Some experts favor styling closets like curated boutiques, “merchandising” the wares attractively and creating a serene environment. “Spending time in your closet should be enjoyable,” says stylist Melanie Kluger. “The more you take pride in it, the more you’ll want to maintain it.”

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Add a special touch.

Light it right.

Pull out all the random, mismatched hangers and replace them with uniform ones—wood, velvet, or metal—in the same color and style, suggests organizer Shira Gill. “Visually, it makes a massive difference.”

Some ideas for personalizing your zone: a small throw rug, colorful paint or wallpaper, decorative hooks for displaying jewelry and accessories, or a vintage full-length mirror.

Even if a chandelier isn’t in the cards, ample lighting is a must. “You need to see what you have,” stylist Laurie Brucker says. “Pop-on lights that stick to the wall can make it feel much brighter and more energetic.”

Bringing some organizational infrastructure into your closet goes a long way toward maintaining order. “I’m a big fan of shelf dividers and drawer dividers—the more you can separate items and give them individual homes, the more likely you’ll be able to maintain your space,” says Kluger. H A N G W H AT Y O U W E A R .

Consider hanging your favorite T-shirts or jeans instead of folding them, especially if you tend to mix your casual garments into your more dressed-up looks. They’ll stay wrinkle-free, and when placed alongside the rest of your wardrobe, they can be a vital part of your day-to-day styling. S E P A R AT E Y O U R S U I T S .

Add the skirt or pants to your bottoms section and the jacket to your blazers. This will help ensure that you get more wear out of them: Your suit skirt may look great with a blouse and a cardigan, while your suit jacket will pair nicely with a T-shirt and jeans. C R E AT E A S P A C E F O R

Keep a storage solution, like a labeled tote bag, a bin, or a basket, in a convenient location for items that need dry-cleaning or repairs. S PEC IAL- CARE ITE M S .

If it fits, put it inside or near your closet. It’ll let you separate colors and whites so the wash is sorted come laundry day. BUY A DIVIDED HAMPER.

L I F EÑ O r g a n i z i n g

Maintain and Enjoy Once your closet is organized, use these tactics to keep up the happy dressing. V I S U A L I Z E YO U R # G O A L S . For inspo, tack up an image of an aspirational closet or a recent pic of yourself dressed the way you want to look, says Gill. “It’s a reminder of you at your best. This is how you want to show up in the world.” B E C O N S I S T E N T. Spend a few minutes at the end of each day tidying up and putting things, like the blazer you wore today or the daily laundry, in their place. “Clutter is a magnet for more clutter,” says Gill. “If you see a beautiful, streamlined closet, it’s counterintuitive to just dump stuff in.” That said, relapses are normal—just get back on the horse.

“Calendar reminders can be helpful. If I don’t schedule something, it’s probably not happening,” Auspaker says. Another useful prompt: Any time you weed through your kids’ wardrobes, do the same for your own. S H O P S T R AT E G I C A L LY.

Moving forward, be realistic and “shop for the life you have,” says Auspaker. That could mean steering clear of dry-clean-only labels for

the time being and buying more stylish athleisure. “With my almost 1-year-old and my active toddler, I like to be able to play on their level but also feel stylish, so I invest in cute basics like dressed-up joggers, figureflattering cotton tees, and flats,” Brucker says. Keep a list of wants and needs so you’ll have a plan when you shop. As for fabrics, there’s nothing wrong with indulgences like a silk blouse that was never meant to meet sticky little hands, but in general, moms of littles should gravitate toward materials that can withstand wear and tear. “Ponte or double-knit pants are great work-to-play options; they’re comfortable, stretchable, and washable,” Brucker adds. FOCUS ON THE BIG PICTURE.

If you need some motivation to keep at it, Brucker says to remember that “the getting-dressed experience can be an empowering part of your day, so it should be treated with intention, strategy, and heart.” Dressing the person you are today is a form of self-care.

E D IT A S YO U R LI F E C H A N G E S .

Besides doing routine maintenance, you should r eassess your closet at turning points that impact how you dress, like seasonal shifts, job changes, or moving.

Organize your clothing so your maternity-capsule wardrobe is front and center.

YO U R M AT E R N I T Y

Comb through your closet for regular clothing you can still wear: Think blazers, oversize sweaters, looser knit tops, and empire-waist maxi dresses.

W A R D R O B E — S O LV E D !

The best approach to maternity-clothes management: Create a “capsule wardrobe.” Think of it as a tightly edited collection of mix-and-match basics you can dress up or down with accessories. Here’s how:

Gather maternity clothes from previous pregnancies, but don’t feel obligated to include stuff you don’t like just because it fits.

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Assess what holes you have in your maternity capsule, then strategically invest in a few quality pieces. (Quick tip: HeyBloomwell.com has a nice lineup of officeready blouses and pants.)

5 Relocate your nonmaternity clothes to the back of your closet (or even another part of the house), and make sure there is a clear delineation between what currently fits and what doesn’t; a rod divider will do the trick! 6

Consider renting outfits for special events from a service like Rent the Runway. This will prevent you from buying garments you’re likely to wear only once or twice.

4 Storage Problem-Solvers

To create space, many organizers recommend slim flocked hangers that make more room in your closet and keep garments from falling on the floor. Real Simple Slimline 50-Count Flocked Suit Hangers in white, $30; bedbathandbeyond.com

These dividers clip onto your shelves and keep stacks of sweaters or handbags tidy. Because they’re see-through, they practically disappear. Clear Shelf Divider, $11; containerstore.com

Great for stowing bulky seasonal items, these naturalfiber bags let your clothes breathe while staying dust-free. Canvas Under Bed Storage Bag, $60; thelaundress.com

This clever storage idea prevents bras from losing their shape and holds them upright so you can see your options. 5-Section Boobie Trap Bra Organizer, $30; containerstore.com

SHOES AND SWEATERS: MARISA VITALE PHOTOGRAPHY. PRODUCTS: COURTESY OF THE BRANDS.

STEP 3:

L I F E Ñ Pe t s

What Pets Can Teach Us About Parenthood Having raised three kids alongside a menagerie of chickens, sheep, geese, rabbits, and many dogs and cats, I’ve learned a lot about savoring the journey. Here are seven wise pet perspectives we all can adopt. by CY N T H I A L . C O P E L A N D

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Celebrate your inner puppy.

Take care of yourself.

Cats are known for unapologetically tending to their needs, whether that means calmly licking their fur in the midst of family bedlam or disappearing for an afternoon adventure. I’ve found that carving out time for my own renewal and reflection always makes me feel happier and healthier—and gives me the resources to take care of others. So let yourself book a massage every now and then, take a yoga class, or read a juicy novel for an hour rather than sifting through your preschooler’s mountain of DUPLO blocks to make sure none of your second-grader’s LEGO bricks have sneaked in.

OPPOSITE PAGE: LUMINA/STOCKSY. THIS PAGE: MICHELA RAVASIO/STOCKSY.

Shake it off.

Dogs never hold a grudge—they look for any reason to be happy in the present, rather than wallowing in past injustices or worrying about future calamities. I know that even after my pup has been home alone (and peering out the window longingly for the last hour), all will be forgiven and forgotten the minute I walk through the front door. Of course, life with little kids can be messy and unpredictable. Whether your 2-year-old suddenly decides to “wash” her clothes in the toilet or your son has a meltdown just as he’s about to walk onstage for his kindergarten talent show, something’s bound to go sideways. You won’t be able to prevent every minor disaster, but you can control how you respond. Try to flow with the day’s craziness rather than fight it. Let go of resentment and frustration, and choose to move on, just like a dog. In our family, the worst stuff usually winds up making for the best stories.

D ogs

r em i

nd us to live in

the moment!

Be true to you.

Proud nonconformists, cats do as they please. They may decide to nap in the bathroom sink or explore the inside of a brown paper bag. They couldn’t care less about what other cats—or people, even their favorite ones—think of them. How refreshing! As parents, we’re constantly bombarded with Instagram images and Facebook photos of the “right” way to celebrate a birthday, take a family vacation, or just spend a Saturday morning. It’s easy to feel as though we are falling short of some elusive and ever-changing gold standard of parenting. Instead, trust your instincts. You know your children. In your heart, you know what they truly need—and what you need. After all, a relaxed, backyard birthday party with relatives followed by a sleepover with just one special friend may be much more fun for your child than a lavish, anxiety-inducing bash that’s intended (let’s be honest) to wow the other parents. You don’t have to be a copycat.

Dogs feel no obligation to act their age. Focusing on what they can do rather than what they can’t, even senior dogs leap about and wag their tail every chance they get. As parents, we spend lots of time cheering from the sidelines, loaded down with kids’ extra clothing and half-eaten snacks. But who says you have to be an audience member rather than a participant? Children’s energy and enthusiasm are contagious, and everyone will have more fun if you take part. Skateboarding? Sure! Kicking around a soccer ball? Absolutely! Putting together a toy pirate ship, then finding a decent puddle to see if it floats? Yes! Bonus: Kids love to teach their parents how to do things, so let your little ones show you a few Baby Shark dance moves.

Nap. Play. Eat. Repeat.

For dogs, the key to contentment is predictability. They know when it’s time to run and when it’s time to rest. Having a familiar routine not only comforts dogs, it also helps them respond better to training because they feel safe and secure. A new pup will relax and settle into your household as he comes to understand when he’ll be fed and walked, and where he’ll lay his head at night. Over the years, I’ve seen my own kids benefit from the same kind of consistency. Whether it’s the evening bath and bedtime stories, daily chores, or a playful outdoor plan every Sunday, having a reliable pattern helps prevent struggles and can make you feel even more connected as a family.

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Cats—independent and solitary by nature—seem to sense when we need the comfort of a purring companion. A cat’s soothing presence may be enough to lift us out of a funk so we can soldier on with the day. We’re led to believe that the big gestures—the family cruise or the elaborate treehouse—are the ones that matter. But it’s often the smallest acts of kindness that have a long-term impact on our kids. You may never know it, but that note you put in her lunch box, the last-minute kiss on his forehead, or the silly joke you shared as she left for the bus might have been all that was needed to turn your child’s day around. Sometimes it’s good to think small.

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Enjoy the ride.

When a dog pokes his nose out the car window, he’s not worrying about rushhour traffic or the price of gasoline. He doesn’t care whether you’re headed to Disneyland or the dump. He’s taking in all the intriguing smells and sounds, and relishing every moment, every mile, of the journey. The lesson for the rest of us is clear: Focus on the fun. Minor frustrations and anxieties can cast long shadows that keep us from appreciating life’s sweeter times. But despite days that can feel endless, the ride will be over before we know it. So delight in the sound of your kids giggling at some silly private joke; savor the thrill of watching them discover an anthill. And as both dogs and cats would advise, bask in that sliver of sunshine.

Cynthia L. Copeland is the best-selling author of Really Important Stuff My Dog Has Taught Me and Really Important Stuff My Cat Has Taught Me.

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THE Cost-savings tip for big families from blogger Catherine McCord: Take one kid at a time on vacation to save money on flights and lodging and make the experience more memorable.

CHILDHOOD BUCKET LIST

Part 2

City Adventures Urban destinations are perfect for older kids because you’ll never run out of things to do. After you check off popular attractions, try to experience the city like a local. PA R I S B E A T O U R I S T Book the earliest ticket you can (usually 9 or 9:30 a .m.) to ascend to the top of the Eiffel Tower. Show up 90 minutes ahead of time to take pics at the base when it’s relatively uncrowded. (Grab breakfast at a nearby café before returning close to your assigned time.) When you’re done, walk along the Seine River to the Musée d’Orsay, an art museum in a former railway station. Kids who love ballet will delight in the paintings of Degas, while Dr. Who fans might recall the Van Gogh gallery that was featured in an episode. It may be a little mobbed, but it’s still worth going to the Musée du Louvre (pictured) to see the Mona Lisa and so much more. “If you have time, spending a day at the Palace of Versailles, a quick train ride from Paris, is wonderful,” says Catherine McCord, author of Smoothie Project, who took her 8-year-old daughter to Paris. “Walk through the mazes before you go inside.”

Best. Trip. Ever! Once your child stops needing a nap and a stroller, a world of new vacation possibilities awaits. But you have only so many school breaks before your kid flees the nest. Travel experts share the 12 iconic places you’ve just got to visit together. by J E F F B O G L E and K A R E N C I C E R O

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B E A L O C A L Opt for casual lunches by grabbing crepes from a stand along the Seine or ham-and-cheese baguettes from a bakery you pass by. One day, explore the food hall at Le Bon Marché department store—it’s a wonderland of fresh and packaged goods. Your junior foodie will want to pick up a treat, and you could buy groceries if you’re staying in a rental with a kitchen. For dinner, try the café Le Loir dans la Théière and be sure to order the famous lemon meringue pie. Book a walking tour with a

local guide to explore off-thebeaten-path areas. Look at GetYourGuide.com for options that focus on neighborhoods (like the Latin Quarter) and themes (such as vintage shopping, chocolate tastings, or secret passages). R O O M S T H AT W O N ’ T C R A M P T H E I R S T Y L E In a landmark

building, the Hilton Paris Opera offers interconnecting family rooms, each with a queen bed, so you and the kids have private space. It’s located in a great shopping area and near public transportation. For more space, search Paris apartments on PlumGuide .com. It vets its listings, even testing shower pressure and Wi-Fi speed.

OPPOSITE: COURTESY OF CATHERINE M c CORD. THIS PAGE: CINDY ORD/STAFF/GETTY.

N E W YO R K C I T Y B E A T O U R I S T Reserve a ticket to visit the Statue of Liberty’s crown—climb 377 steps to the top via a winding staircase—because same-date spots are rarely available. In Times Square, Broadway shows beckon—Wicked, The Lion King, and Aladdin are good picks for kids who haven’t reached double digits (ask for the free “My First Broadway Show” sticker sheet at the theaters), while Dear Evan Hansen, Mean Girls, Beetlejuice, and Hadestown will enthrall high-schoolers. And head over to Central Park to sail remote-controlled boats and climb on the Alice in Wonderland statue, suggests Beth Beckman, founder of LittleKidBigCity.com.

A popular pop-up with residents and visitors alike, the Museum of Ice Cream just opened a permanent location in SoHo. Its 13 exhibits, including a rainbow-sprinkle pool, are all Insta-worthy. You’ll be the coolest mom if you suggest taking your VSCO girl to the nearby Glossier flagship store for birthdaycake- scented hand cream. Or if you have gamers in the family, the Microsoft store has a space where they can get their fix for free. And Hogwarts fans will surely be spellbound by a three-story Harry Potter flagship store opening this summer that will house the world’s largest BE A LOCAL

An Epic Side Trip! A half hour outside the Big Apple, in East Rutherford, New Jersey, the American Dream mega entertainment and retail complex has something for everyone. Parents staffer Tara Lustberg took her 7-year-old to its Nickelodeon Universe theme park. “The Shredder and the Shellraiser roller coasters were his favorites,” she says. A DreamWorks Water Park, ice-skating rink, and ski park also recently opened, and an aquarium, an educationfocused entertainment center, 350 stores, and 100-plus places to dine are on the way. It’s an easy bus ride from Manhattan.

collection of Harry Potter and Fantastic Beasts merch. After shopping, be sure to venture outside of Manhattan! Beckman, who has a 7-year-old, suggests Brooklyn’s Prospect Park for its catch-and-release fishing clinics and paddleboats. R O O M S T H AT W O N ’ T C R A M P T H E I R S T Y L E Recently

renovated, the Intercontinental New York Barclay is in a great location—just far enough away from the chaos of Times Square and an easy stroll to regal Rockefeller Center. It also hosts family activities. Or stay at the Conrad by Hilton New York Downtown, a roomier all-suite hotel that’s connected to a movie theater, near a Shake Shack, and a not-far walk from the ferry to the Statue of Liberty.

LONDON B E A T O U R I S T Take a goofy selfie squeezed into a red telephone booth with your kid, while explaining that once upon a time people actually stood inside those things to make calls. “My kids were also amused by the black taxis and how the seating arrangements inside were so different from everywhere else,” says Sajay Garcia, a travel blogger who posts YouTube travel videos at Growing Up Garcia. “The Changing of the Guard and the historic carriages near Buckingham Palace also kept my kids entertained.” B E A L O C A L Watch an English football match at the new Tottenham Hotspur stadium. Or sit alongside Londoners at the open-air theater in

In this exhibit at the Museum of Ice Cream, kids (and adults!) can try cake pops shaped like ice-cream cones.

The Regent’s Park; Romeo and Juliet, 101 Dalmatians, and Carousel are playing this spring and summer. “Buy food from a neighborhood grocer and have a picnic at the park before the show,” suggests Emily Goldfischer, an American mom of two living in London. “And if you’re going to The British Museum, check out the adventure playground at nearby Coram’s Fields,” she says. For a family-friendly afternoon tea, she recommends trying The Langham (where the tradition started 150 years ago) or The Ampersand Hotel (a science-themed experience). R O O M S T H AT W O N ’ T C R A M P T H E I R S T Y L E Beckman

likes the Park Plaza County Hall London because it has family rooms that sleep four. “We could see Big Ben and the London Eye perfectly from our window,” she says. Or stay in The Anthenaeum’s renovated apartments. Their high ceilings and cool décor might make fashion-forward teens think they’re sleeping at Anthropologie. S T. L O U I S B E A T O U R I S T Ride to the top of the Gateway Arch, then check out the renovated visitors’ center. It houses America’s largest terrazzo floor map, showing North America’s historic rivers and trails, so you can trace pioneers’ journeys to the West. (Sneak in that learning!) Burn off steam on the walking and biking trails along the banks of the Mississippi River. Nearby, the new St. Louis Aquarium at Union Station features 80-plus sharks and stingrays in an exhibit that extends overhead. B E A L O C A L Head to City Museum, a playspace with more than two dozen slides constructed from repurposed materials. Even tweens who think they’ve outgrown playgrounds will have a blast. “My 9-year-old loved zipping down a ten-story spiral slide into a cave,” says Brandon Billinger, who blogs at TheRookieDad.com. When you’ve worked up an appetite, walk about 15 minutes to Sugarfire Smoke House,

L I F E Ñ Fa m i ly T r a v e l

which, according to Billinger, has the best baby back ribs and shakes around.

Sibs can hang ten together on Soundwaves’ double surfing simulator.

Remix ride with LED lights and speakers. F O R WA N N A - B E R O C K E R S

R O O M S T H AT W O N ’ T C R A M P T H E I R S T Y L E Your baseball

Hard Rock Hotel, Los Cabos, Mexico Adults and kids ages 12 and over can perform onstage in front of an audience and fulfill their rock-star dreams at the hotel’s Music Lab. Whether they play an instrument or opt to sing, a Rock Specialist will help guide their performance. It would be so fun if you did it as a family!

fanatic will love staying at Live! By Loews, a new hotel with stadium-view rooms in what’s known as Ballpark Village, a collection of shops and restaurants near the Cardinals’ stomping grounds. Or opt for a double bunk-bed room at the Angad Arts Hotel. When making the reservation, your fam can select whether they want red, yellow, green, or blue walls.

One-of-a-kind experiences will help your kid remember these vacations forever. F O R D O G L OV E R S

Turtle Bay Resort, North Shore, Oahu, Hawaii As if it weren’t already rad enough to learn how to

stand-up paddleboard in Kawela Bay, where The Hunger Games: Catching Fire was filmed, this resort gives kids a trained surf dog to keep them company on the board during their lesson. Afterward, they can make a TikTok with a centuries-old banyan tree in the background. Can you imagine the likes?

F O R WAT E R - PA R K FA N S

Gaylord Opryland Resort, Nashville The kids will deem the cool blue tones and 4,000-plus potted plants at Soundwaves Water Park to be the nicest they’ve ever seen. They’ll also be impressed by a huge wave pool with live music, a zen lazy river, and the Rapid

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Club Med Cancun Yucatan, Mexico At this all-inclusive resort’s trapeze school, a trained aerialist will guide your budding circus performers through moves on a legit trapeze. (Of course, they are safely harnessed.) The kids practice daily and will get to perform at least one time during your stay.

JEFF BOGLE.

FOR DAREDEVILS

Resorts That Wow Older Kids

LEGAL NOTICE

If You Bought Infants’ Tylenol, You May be Entitled to Cash from a Class Action Settlement. Para una notificación en español, visite nuestro sitio Web, www.InfantsTylenolSettlement.com.

Glacier National Park has easy hiking trails off the main road.

The National Parks Kids Need to See You’ve got 61 options. Here’s how to prioritize: S PY A G L ACIER AT G L A C I E R N AT I O N A L PA R K

Near Columbia Falls, Montana You don’t have to head to Alaska: There are 26 active glaciers to see here. Look for a few easy ones first. You can get a great view of Jackson Glacier from an overlook on Going-to-theSun Road. Salamander Glacier is also visible from your car as you drive into the Many Glacier area. The next day, fuel up for a 7-mile round-trip hike to see Piegan Glacier. It starts at the Siyeh Bend Trailhead on Going-to-the-Sun Road and crosses a wildflower meadow.

JEFF BOGLE.

RIDE A MULE INTO THE G R A N D C A N YO N

Near Fredonia, Arizona Your family will relish the breathtaking 10-plus-mile trek down the canyon’s North Rim to Phantom Ranch, historic cabins near the Colorado River. “My 14-year-old is

a little nervous about heights, but he was so overwhelmed by the beauty and charmed by his mule that he forgot all about his fears and the fact that we had no cell service,” says Amy Mayhue, an advisor at Magnolia Travel Group, in Madison, Mississippi. Kids must be at least 9 years old to ride, but Mayhue recommends waiting until they’re 10 or 11 because the ride takes more than five hours each way. R O C K C L I M B AT YO S E M I T E

Near Mariposa, California With slabs of granite surrounding lakes, forests, and lush meadows, this park is a wanna-be climber’s wonderland. Michael Moebes, who blogs at Dadcation.com, booked a private full-day lesson with the Yosemite Mountaineering School & Guide Service for his

family of five. (Kids need to be 10 years old for group lessons, but there are no age restrictions for private ones.) Even Moebes’s 9-year-old was able to climb Munginella, near Yosemite Falls, for a great view of Half Dome. GLAMP NEAR T H E G R E AT S M O K Y M O U N TA I N S

Gatlinburg, Tennessee Under Canvas glamping resorts have popped up at more than a half dozen national parks, but the one here is the dreamiest of all since it’s surrounded by a forest. The canvas tents have housekeeping services, a toilet, a shower, and a wood stove. You can book one with an “adjacent hive,” a separate area with twin beds for kids. “After hiking 10 miles to see so many of the park’s waterfalls, it felt great to come back here to sleep,” says Moebes.

T R AV E L W I T H LI T T L E K I D S ! Scan this code with your phone’s camera to read Part 1 of The Childhood Bucket List story (no app required).

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A proposed settlement has been reached with Johnson & Johnson Consumer Inc. (“JJCI”) in a class action lawsuit about the packaging and advertising of Infants’ Tylenol. The plaintiffs in the lawsuit claim that the Infants’ Tylenol packaging (the text “Infants” and a picture of a mother holding her baby) deceives consumers into believing Infants’ Tylenol is unique/specially formulated for infants, when the bottle contains liquid acetaminophen of the same concentration in Children’s Tylenol, and therefore causes consumers to overpay for Infants’ Tylenol. JJCI denies all the plaintiffs’ allegations of deception, and asserts that the safety features of Infants’ Tylenol, especially the accompanying syringe for safe dosing of very young children, means Infants’ and Children’s are different products. JJCI is entering into this settlement to avoid burdensome and costly litigation. The settlement is not an admission of wrongdoing. Am I Included? You are included in the settlement as a “Class Member” if you are in the United States and bought Infants’ Tylenol for personal or household use at any time from October 3, 2014 to January 6, 2020. What Can I Get From the Settlement? A $6.315 million fund will be created. After deducting administrative costs, Class Counsel’s attorneys’ fees and expenses, and service awards for the named plaintiffs, the balance will be used to pay Class Member claims. Class Members may claim $2.15 for every 1 and 2 fl. oz. bottle of Infants’ Tylenol purchased. A maximum of 7 bottles or $15.05 may be claimed without proof of purchase. An unlimited number of bottles may be claimed with proof of purchase for all Infants’ Tylenol purchases. If the total amount to be paid for claims is more or less than $6.315 million after the payment of administrative costs, attorneys’ fees and expenses to Class Counsel and a service award to each of the named plaintiffs, the payments to Class Members will be reduced or increased pro rata. Claims with proof of purchase will receive priority. JJCI also agreed to injunctive relief. How do I get a Payment? You must submit a Claim Form by April 13, 2020 to receive a settlement payment. Claim Forms may be printed or submitted online at www.InfantsTylenolSettlement.com or obtained by calling 1-866-458-2108. What are My Options? If you are a Class Member and do not submit a Claim Form, your rights will be affected but you will not get a settlement payment. If you are a Class Member but do not want to be legally bound by the settlement, you must exclude yourself from it by April 13, 2020. Unless you exclude yourself, you will not be able to sue or continue to sue JJCI and related parties for any legal claim resolved by this settlement or released by the Settlement Agreement. If you exclude yourself, you cannot get a payment from the settlement. If you stay in the settlement (do not exclude yourself), you may object to the settlement by April 13, 2020. You may hire your own lawyer at your expense to represent you in this proposed settlement. Complete information, including the Stipulation of Settlement, is available at www. InfantsTylenolSettlement.com. The Court’s Final Approval Hearing. Before any money is paid, the Court will have a hearing on May 11, 2020 to decide whether to approve the settlement and Class Counsel’s request for up to $2,083,950 in attorneys’ fees and up to $385,000 in expenses and $4,000 service awards to each of the two Class Representatives. The motion(s) by Class Counsel for attorneys’ fees will be available for viewing on the settlement website after they are filed. You don’t have to attend the hearing.

Claim Forms must Be returned By april 13, 2020. Questions? Visit www.inFantstylenolsettlement.Com or Call 1-866-458-2108.

L I F E Ñ F u n Fo o d

Treats With Half the Sugar!

Your family can have them today, tomorrow, and every day thanks to recipes that trim sweeteners while keeping the deliciousness intact. by J E N N I F E R T Y L E R L E E and A N I S H A PAT E L , M . D . / photographs by E R I N S C O T T

Hot Chocolate Blocks For recipe, see page 94.

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L I F E Ñ F u n Fo o d

No-Churn Banana Ice Cream Active Time 30 minutes Total Time 7 hours Makes 4 servings

I N G R E DI E N T S 4 very ripe medium bananas, peeled and cut into large coins 1/4 cup heavy whipping cream 1 tsp. pure vanilla extract 1/4 cup Salted Maple-Date Caramel Sauce (see box) 1 oz. dark chocolate, shaved with a vegetable peeler or grated with a grater Chopped pecans (optional) Dash of sea salt MAKE IT

1. Place the bananas in a resealable plastic bag in one layer, seal, and freeze until firm, at least 6 hours. 2. Let the bananas thaw for 10 to 15 minutes to soften slightly. 3. Place bananas in a food processor and add the heavy cream and vanilla. Puree until smooth, stopping occasionally to break up large chunks with a spatula, about 5 minutes. At first, bananas will be chunky, but they’ll soon smooth out into a custardy frozen treat.

Salted Maple-Date Caramel Sauce Soak 8 oz. pitted Medjool dates (about 10) in a medium bowl with 11/2 cups hot water until soft, 10 to 15 minutes. Drain dates, and transfer to a saucepan. Add 1 cup whole milk and 1/2 cup maple syrup, and bring to a low boil, stirring constantly. Lower heat and simmer until dates start to break apart, about 5 minutes. Remove from heat, and add 1/2 tsp. pure vanilla extract. Cool mixture briefly. Puree in a food processer or a blender until smooth, about 1 minute. Add a dash of flaky sea salt; blend again. Serve warm or cool. Store extra sauce in a jar in the fridge for several weeks. Makes 13/4 cups.

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4. Drizzle the caramel sauce over the top and add the chocolate. Pulse once or twice to just barely incorporate mix-ins. Fold in any unincorporated chocolate shavings and the chopped pecans, if desired, with a spatula. Scoop the ice cream into chilled bowls and sprinkle with sea salt, or freeze 1 to 2 hours for a firmer texture before serving.

EVEN BUTTER LOVERS LOVE IT - Cammie, 5 -

BUTTERED NOODLE CONNOISSEUR

Cooks, Bakes and Tastes Like Butter. Tested and when used with Country Crock Plant Butter® sticks.

L I F E Ñ F u n Fo o d

Sweet News About Food Labels

Mango-Pineapple Smoothie Active Time 10 minutes Total Time 10 minutes Makes 32 oz.

I N G R E DI E N T S 11/2 cups coconut or dairy milk 1 cup (5 oz.) frozen pineapple 1 cup (5 oz.) frozen mango 1 large banana, peeled, frozen, and cut into 4 large chunks 2/3 cup plain Greek yogurt MAKE IT

Combine all ingredients in a blender, working in batches, if necessary. Mix on high until smooth and creamy, about 1 minute. Divide among two to four glasses and serve.

Blueberry Scones Active Time 20 minutes Total Time 50 minutes Makes 8 servings

I N G R E DI E N T S 2 cups all-purpose flour, plus extra for dusting 2 Tbs. sugar 1 Tbs. baking powder 1 Tbs. finely grated lemon zest 1/2 tsp. salt 6 Tbs. cold unsalted butter, cut into 6 pieces 1/2 (4 oz.) ripe Anjou pear, cored and coarsely chopped 1/2 cup plain whole-milk yogurt 1 large egg 11/2 cups fresh blueberries MAKE IT

1. Preheat oven to 450°F. Line a rimmed baking sheet to prevent sticking. 2. Place the flour, sugar, baking powder, lemon zest, and salt in a food processor. Pulse until combined, about 10 times. Add the butter; pulse until the mixture is crumbly, about 20 times. Transfer mixture to a large bowl. 3. Place the pear and yogurt in the food processor; combine until smooth, stopping to scrape down the side of the bowl as needed,

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The Nutrition Facts label on packaged products now provides more info—the amount of added sugar per serving. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration required larger manufacturers to update their labels by January. Previously, only total sugar was listed, making it impossible to identify how much was naturally occurring and how much came from extra honey, cane sugar, syrup, or other sweeteners. Parents nutrition advisor Jill Castle, R.D.N., says the new label is particularly helpful for dairy products (like flavored yogurt), tomato products, dried fruit, and jams, which often contain both natural and added sugar. Your kid doesn’t have to skip foods with added sugar; just avoid going overboard. Based on government guidelines, Castle calculates the daily limit as 36 grams (9 teaspoons) for kids ages 2 to 4 and about 40 grams (10 teaspoons) for kids ages 5 to 8. —Kara Thompson

6. Bake until scones are golden brown on top and bottom, 20 to 22 minutes, rotating the baking sheet halfway through. 7. Let cool for 5 minutes before transferring to a wire rack. Cool at least 10 minutes more before serving.

Hot Chocolate Blocks Active Time 20 minutes Total Time 2 hours Makes 25 blocks

I N G R E DI E N T S 1 cup heavy cream 20 oz. dark-chocolate chips (about 3 1/3 cups) 1 Tbs. pure vanilla extract 1/2 tsp. ground cinnamon 1/4 tsp. salt Whole milk, for serving Mini marshmallows (optional) MAKE IT

1. Line an 8x8-in. baking pan with parchment paper, leaving 2 in. of overhang on each side. 2. Combine the cream, chocolate, vanilla, cinnamon, and salt in a medium heat-proof bowl. Set the bowl on a saucepan filled with 1 in. of simmering water over medium heat, making sure the bottom of the bowl doesn’t touch the water. Stir until chocolate is melted and shiny, about 3 minutes. 3. Pour mixture into prepared pan. Refrigerate until fully set, 11/2 to 2 hours.

4. Pour yogurt mixture over flour mixture and stir until just combined. Carefully fold in the blueberries, using your hands if needed to help incorporate the berries into the dough.

4. Remove the chocolate block from the refrigerator. Lift the chocolate from the pan using the parchment paper, transfer it to a cutting board, and peel off the parchment paper. Mark the block about every 11/2 in., then cut across four ways and down four ways so you have twenty-five 11/2-in. squares. Wrap each block in plastic, then place the blocks in a resealable plastic bag and refrigerate or freeze up to 4 weeks.

5. Place dough on a lightly floured work surface and dust top lightly with 2 Tbs. flour. Pat dough into an 8-in. circle, about 1 in. thick. Cut into 8 even wedges. Transfer scones to the prepared baking sheet, spacing them evenly apart.

5. To serve: For each mug, pour 3/4 cup milk into a small saucepan and bring to a gentle simmer over medium-low heat, 1 to 2 minutes. Be careful not to scorch the milk. Stir in 1 chocolate block until melted. Top with marshmallows, if desired.

1 to 2 minutes. Add the egg and pulse 10 times to combine.

Apple Crisp Active Time 30 minutes Total Time 11/2 hours Makes 10 servings

I N G R E DI E N T S Nonstick cooking spray 3 lbs. Braeburn, Honeycrisp, or Fuji apples, peeled, cored, and sliced into ¼-in. wedges ¼ cup plus 1 Tbs. sugar, divided 1 Tbs. cornstarch 21/2 tsp. ground cinnamon, divided 3/4 tsp. salt, divided 2 Tbs. freshly squeezed lemon juice 7 Tbs. unsalted butter, melted, divided 1/2 cup all-purpose flour 1/2 cup chopped pecans 1/2 cup old-fashioned rolled oats ¼ tsp. ground nutmeg Heavy cream (optional) MAKE IT

1. Preheat oven to 350ºF. Coat a 9x13-in. baking dish with cooking spray. 2. Place the apples in a large bowl. Combine 1 Tbs. of the sugar, the cornstarch, 2 tsp. of the cinnamon, and 1/2 tsp. of the salt in a small bowl; sprinkle over the apples. Drizzle the lemon juice and 1 Tbs. of the butter over apples; toss to coat evenly. 3. Place the flour, pecans, oats, remaining ¼ cup sugar, remaining 1/2 tsp. cinnamon, the nutmeg, and remaining ¼ tsp. salt in a food processor; pulse until the nuts and oats are finely chopped, about 30 seconds. Add the remaining 6 Tbs. butter; pulse until clumpy, about 30 more seconds. 4. Spread apple mixture evenly in prepared baking dish; sprinkle with topping. 5. Bake until topping is golden brown and apples are tender when pierced with a knife, about 1 hour. Serve warm, with heavy cream, if desired.

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ADVICE AS YOUR CHILD GROWS

PREGNANCY

HOW TO

Take Care of Your Teeth by J E A N N E T T E M O N I N G E R

Your mouth matters.

Studies suggest that expectant moms with gum disease have a higher risk of delivering prematurely, yet most pregnant women don’t get dental exams. That’s why The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists recommends that ob-gyns perform routine oral-health assessments during the first prenatal visit. Roughly 40 percent of pregnant women have a dental concern such as a gum infection or untreated tooth decay. Even if you’ve never had these problems before, your rising hormone levels can cause swollen gums and increase your risk of infection. For this reason, you should have frequent cleanings (every three months or so) throughout your

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illustration by R O B I N R O S E N T H A L

pregnancy to remove built-up plaque and tartar. Experts also advise rinsing at night with an antimicrobial mouthwash like Listerine in addition to brushing thoroughly twice a day and flossing daily. You can still have dental work.

It’s better to get fillings, crowns, root canals, or even tooth extractions if you need them rather than risk developing an infection that could induce early labor. Because certain numbing drugs can cross the placenta, try to wait until your second trimester, when medications are less likely to affect fetal development. However, hold off on cosmetic procedures entirely until after you deliver. Dentists often skip X-rays unless a pregnant woman is experiencing a dental emergency like an excruciating toothache, which may require a root canal. But if you do need one, don’t panic. The radiation level of dental X-rays is very low, and wearing a lead apron greatly minimizes exposure.

tumors and are an overgrowth of gum tissue likely related to hormonal changes. However, they aren’t cancerous and typically go away a month or so after childbirth. If you find yourself struggling with morning sickness, don’t rush to brush immediately afterward. Instead, neutralize the acid in your mouth by rinsing with a teaspoon of baking soda dissolved in a cup of water, using a fluoride rinse, or chewing sugar-free gum that contains xylitol. Sources: Ada Cooper, D.D.S., a dentist in New York City; Stuart Froum, D.D.S., a periodontist in New York City.

0 –12 M O N T H S

HOW TO

Help Your Baby Sleep Soundly by R OX A N N A F O N T

Look out for changes.

“Gain a child, lose a tooth” is an old wives’ tale, but while you probably won’t lose one, your teeth may feel a little wiggly. Contact your dentist, because this could be a sign of periodontitis, a serious gum infection that destroys both gums and bone. Treatment involves scaling the teeth to scrape tartar from above and below the gum line and smoothing root surfaces. You may also notice that you’ve developed small red bumps between your teeth. These are called pregnancy

A little noise is no problem.

It’s true that babies tend to sleep a bit lighter during naptime than at night, but tiptoeing anytime your infant slumbers isn’t necessary. He can sleep through a fair amount of noise, especially in the first few hours of the night when he’s in deep sleep. While in the womb, your baby experienced all sorts of noises, and many of those sounds can be soothing now. In fact, the more your baby gets

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exposed to household noises, the better he will be at sleeping through them. Pay attention to sleep schedules.

Some babies are just naturally early risers. While a newborn’s sleep routine is still in flux, after a few months, her internal clock is likely already on a set sleep schedule, so putting her to bed later won’t make her sleep longer in the morning. Doing this will actually have the opposite effect and cause her to lose out on valuable sleep time. Instead, look for signs to help you pinpoint the right time to put her down by tracking her sleep clues, such as eye rubbing and yawning. Then plan to start your bedtime routine half an hour earlier to ensure your baby is getting the sleep she needs. Don’t be afraid of a bit of crying.

You’re hardwired to respond to your baby’s cries, but he probably won’t learn to sleep through the night without some tears. Whatever sleep-training method feels most comfortable to you is fine to try. Researchers have found no significant differences in the emotional health of babies who underwent sleep training compared with those who did not. For the first three months, it’s fine to hold and cuddle your baby as he goes to sleep. However, once he’s a little older, he needs to learn the important lifelong skills of self-soothing and falling asleep on his own. Listen for snoring.

Noisy breathing could be a sign that your child has an underlying sleep disorder, such as obstructive sleep apnea, in which brief pauses in breathing cause her to snore or make unusual sounds. Research has shown that babies with untreated sleep disorders at 6 months are more likely to develop hyperactivity, depression, or aggressive behavior by age 7. While a little noisy breathing is normal, if it happens often or seems to be especially loud, videotape her while she’s sleeping and share the recording with your pediatrician. Sources: Nancy Birkenmeier, R.N., a child sleep therapist at the Sleep Medicine and Research Center at St. Luke’s Hospital, in Chesterfield, Missouri; Laura E. Tomaselli, M.D., assistant professor of pediatrics and neurology at the University of Rochester Medical Center, in New York.

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1–2 YEARS HOW TO

Handle Sassy Back Talk by TA M E K I A R E E C E

Keep your cool.

Once your toddler’s verbal skills kick in, you may be surprised by what comes out of her mouth. Kids this age often make demands or use rude expressions like “Shut up” or “Go away.” Keep in mind that she’s still learning language and doesn’t understand the subtleties of phrases. Name-calling may be one of her only means of expressing disappointment, and her ability to empathize isn’t fully developed yet, so she won’t realize how certain words make you feel.

Toddlers love to feel independent, and they’re less likely to talk back if you let them make little decisions along the way. Instead of picking out the book when bedtime rolls around, ask, “Do you want to read the story about the bunnies or the one about the pig?” When you offer a choice, your toddler is more likely to cooperate in general. Accentuate the positive.

It’s easy to get caught up in correcting your child’s bossy communication style and forget about the progress she’s making. When you hear her ask for something in a polite manner, acknowledge it. Say something like, “Wow! That was a great way to use your words.” Shining the spotlight on appropriate and friendly language will make your toddler want to repeat it. Sources: Sherry Artemenko, a speech-language pathologist in Wilmington, North Carolina; Erik Fisher, Ph.D., coauthor of The Art of Empowered Parenting; Thomas Reimers, Ph.D., author of Help! There’s a Toddler in the House!; Alyson Schafer, a family counselor and author of Ain’t Misbehavin’.

Watch your own words.

Toddlers are masters of mimicry. If your child hears you tell his older sibling, “Hush your mouth,” or you mumble, “What an idiot,” about the driver who cut you off, he’s likely to store that phrase in his memory bank for later use. But when you make a point of being considerate and treat people the way you want to be treated, your child will notice.

3–4 YEARS HOW TO

Break Out of Timid Habits by M A R I S A C O H E N

Offer better alternatives.

Since a toddler’s vocabulary and social skills are still developing, it’s up to you to teach what is and isn’t acceptable. If your 2-year-old says, “Apple. Now!” you can respond with, “That wasn’t a nice way of asking. Can you say, ‘May I have an apple?’ ” If she continues to issue orders even after you practiced alternative approaches, simply state, “That language is not acceptable.” Then don’t respond until she speaks to you in a respectful manner.

Accept your child’s temperament.

While extroverts enjoy activity with others, introverts prefer to watch from the sidelines and reflect on what’s happening around them. Just because your child isn’t comfortable being the center of attention doesn’t mean she isn’t happy. There are some subtle differences between being introverted and being shy. A shy kid might look longingly at other kids playing in the schoolyard, but an introvert is content on her own.

Make her feel empowered

If you announce, “It’s time for bed,” and your child shouts, “No, it’s not!” he may simply be trying to exert control.

Find a like-minded friend.

Some kids love to run around in a pack, but shy and introverted kids often do

A G E S + S TA G E S

best cultivating one or two close friends. Ask your child’s teacher to suggest a compatible kid to set up a playdate with, but don’t plan an activity that’s too elaborate or long. Your child can practice ahead of time by asking an older sibling, a cousin, or a friend to play pretend with him in a low-stress environment. Appreciate her strengths.

Don’t forget that a naturally quiet, thoughtful child may be ahead of her peers in other ways. The ability to reflect is associated with critical thinking and reasoning ability, and the capacity to be alone is one of the highest levels of development. After all, if your child is happy sitting on her own with a book or playing with a toy while you get a few quiet minutes to do some chores or (gasp!) read your own book, consider yourself one lucky parent. Sources: Richard Brozovich, Ph.D., coauthor of Say Goodbye to Being Shy; Laurie Helgoe, Ph.D., author of Introvert Power.

Think ahead.

5–6 YEARS HOW TO

Avoid Struggles About Rules by H E AT H E R G O W E N WA L S H

Before you walk into a challenging situation, go over your priorities. At this age, it’s easier for her to grasp what to do rather than what not to do. For example, in the car on the way to church, instead of telling her, “No loud talking!” remind her to speak in a whisper. Have her repeat rules back to you—it’ll increase the likelihood that she’ll stick to them. Take a closer look.

Make it a team effort.

Believe it or not, your child may be relieved when you’re a bit stricter. Kids this age appreciate knowing what’s expected of them. You can let your child have a say in a few household decisions, such as chores or even the order of his bedtime routine. Some rules—like those involving safety—are nonnegotiable, but by having him weigh in on smaller choices, you’ll give him a sense of control and more reason to follow through.

If he realizes you won’t let his rule breaking slide, he’ll be less likely to push it. However, if your child seems to be consistently struggling with limits, he may not be getting enough recognition for what he’s doing right. To turn things around, give him some simple rules that you know he can follow, then praise him when he does. Sources: Rebecca Dingfelder, Ph.D., a child psychologist in Durham, North Carolina; Stuart Goldman, M.D., a senior attending psychiatrist at Boston Children’s Hospital; Parents advisor Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Ph.D., author of What About Me? 12 Ways to Get Your Parents’ Attention (Without Hitting Your Sister).

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7–9 YEARS

HOW TO

Teach the Skill of Telling Time

time, you might consider replacing the digital clock in his room with an analog one. Or make a simple paperplate clock with movable hands that you can use for practice. Sources: Marilee Abramshe, a third-grade teacher in Congers, New York; Amy Sperrazza, founder and director of Park Avenue Tutors, in New York City.

by K A R E N C I C E R O

10–12 YEARS

HOW TO

Read numerals.

Digital clocks are everywhere— on your phone, the microwave, or the cable box—so your child may be less interested in learning to read an analog clock. However, it’s still a crucial skill. While most kids don’t have trouble with the basics, the more complex concepts taught in first to third grade can be challenging. To help your child understand and make it more fun, tell her that the numbers are double agents, and they each have a secret identity like Clark Kent and Superman. This identity comes out only when the big hand is on the number. Try skip counting.

Being able to count quickly by fives makes reading an analog clock much easier. Your kid can get the hang of it by singing along to the “Counting by 5s” song on SchoolTube.com or “Count by 5s: A Math Song by Mr. R.” Point out that when he counts by fives, every number will end in a zero or a five. Practice elapsed time.

To help teach your child about how much time has passed, start by thinking out loud about your day when she’s in the car. You might say, “I have to pick your brother up at karate at 6 and it’s a quarter after 5 now, so we have 45 minutes to get dinner.” Eventually, work your way up to letting her solve a problem. For instance, tell her that a recipe takes 45 minutes to make. Then ask her, “If you want to have dinner ready by 6:30, what time do you have to start cooking?” Provide hands-on help.

If you find that your child is still struggling with the concept of telling

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Have a Conversation About Vaping by K Y L E I G H L E D DY

Keep it low-key.

Start by asking open-ended questions like, “What do you know about vaping?” This way, you can have a discussion without pointing fingers. Also look for natural opportunities as they arise. If you see a man walking down the street exhaling a plume of vapor, point it out to your child. Similarly, comment when you see it on a TV show or a news story. Starting with general observations is a great way to transition into your kid’s personal experience. And if you still feel he’s too young to grasp the risks, simplify the dangers with images and metaphors. Explain that nicotine, the chemical in e-cigarettes, is like a traffic light stuck on green: Instead of instructing your body to slow down or stop, it tells it to keep going and going until it gets more nicotine. Continue the discussion.

Educate your child first.

Research shows that parents should broach the subject of vaping as early as age 9. Just as you wouldn’t practice a fire drill during a fire, it’s essential to talk about vaping before there’s a problem. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s latest estimates, more than 10 percent of middle-school students already vape. Although many of the long-term effects remain unknown, there have been more than 2,500 confirmed cases of vapingrelated lung disease. Reading up on the latest studies, stories, and slang will help you talk about it more confidently. Understand why kids are doing it.

At this age, your child is primarily processing information with the limbic system, the part of her brain responsible for emotions. The area that manages logic and reason, the prefrontal cortex, won’t be fully developed until she’s around age 25. This is one reason why she’s more likely to be influenced by what her peers are doing—and if her friends are vaping, she may be tempted to try it too. Vaping can even seem like a safe, innocuous activity. The devices are discrete and easily disguised, and unlike cigarettes, they are virtually odorless and originally appealed to kids because of their sweet and innocent-sounding flavors.

Just as with all difficult topics, this shouldn’t be a one-and-done conversation. Perhaps the first time you broached the topic, your tween hadn’t been exposed to vaping yet, but now she has. You’ll want to start a dialogue that grows as she does and set clear expectations. Tell her you don’t want her to vape—not even a puff—and that she can always come to you if she has any questions or concerns. Nicotine primes the brain for future drug abuse, so while you’re going over the subject again, it makes sense to talk about other substances like alcohol and marijuana as well. Sources: Cara Natterson, M.D., founder of Worry Proof Consulting and author of Decoding Boys: New Science Behind the Subtle Art of Raising Sons; Margie Skeer, Sc.D., associate professor of public health and community medicine at Tufts University School of Medicine, in Boston; Sarper Taskiran, M.D., a child and adolescent psychiatrist at the Child Mind Institute.

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Out of the blue one day, my son told me, “Boobies make everything better.” Lisa Geartz North Tonawanda, NY

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I was trying to put an elastic band in my daughter’s hair for a birthday party. She protested loudly, saying, “Hey! You’re choking my hair!” Ashley Thomas Salt Lake City, UT

Zachary, 9

I asked my son what he had for lunch, and he told me he ate a corn dog. When I asked what he had with it, Zachary said, “A stick.” Jennifer Metcalf Pleasant Hill, MO

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PA R E N T S

104 M A R C H

2020

To encourage our daughter to try new foods, we told her that Disney princesses do it. She said, “Yeah, Snow White ate an apple and died!”

My daughter asked what a sign in our neighbor’s yard said. When I explained to her that it said dogs aren’t allowed on the grass, she laughed and replied, “Dogs can’t read!” Emily Steadman Boise, ID

Lyndsay Reed Kearneysville, WV

Jax, 8

My son was working on his hair in the bathroom before school. When I told him it looked fine, he said, “Mom, you don’t understand what it’s like to be an 8-year-old trying to get a girlfriend!” Jennifer Subasavage; Downey, CA

ILLUSTRATIONS BY ELISE GRAVEL. PARENTS (ISSN 1083-6373); March 2020, Vol. 95, No. 3, is published monthly by Meredith Corporation, 1716 Locust Street, Des Moines, IA 50309-3023. Periodicals postage paid at Des Moines, IA, and at additional mailing offices. Subscription prices, $15.98 per year in the U.S.; $27.00 (U.S. dollars) in Canada; $49.00 (U.S. dollars) overseas. POSTMASTER: Send all UAA to CFS. (See DMM 507.1.5.2); NON-POSTAL AND MILITARY FACILITIES: Send address corrections to Parents, P.O. Box 37508, Boone, IA 50037-0508. In Canada: mailed under Publications Mail Sales Product Agreement No. 40069223; Canadian BN 12348 2887 RT. © Meredith Corporation 2020. All rights reserved. Your bank may provide updates to the card information we have on file. You may opt out of this service at any time. Printed in the U.S.A.

Nash, 3

NEW

BROW FAST SCULPT Gel Mascara

Tinted gel. Mini sculpting brush. A natural brow look. 8 shades.

For a look like Estelle’s, try Deep Brown.

Before

After