RS - May 2019 by Lawrence Ambrocio

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8 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 1 9

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E d i t o r ’s N o t e

“I’m so sorry,” “Oh geez, sorry!” I am an overapologizer. It’s a reflex, like stepping back from a hot stove or oohing at fireworks. “I’m sorry” is automatic when I bump into someone on New York City’s crowded streets and even when someone hurtles into me. Or when I walk into a conference room I’ve booked and say to the people overstaying their time: “Sorry, I believe I have this booked.” I realize these “sorries” undermine my ability to come across as confident and capable. My mom autoapologized a lot, and now I hear my young daughter do it too. That bums me out. But I’m working on it. Sometimes I can stifle it, but it’s a constant struggle. So I give myself credit when I make progress, like in emails, where you’re able to reread and self-edit. But I’m not going to apologize for my apologizing. I’m a flawed person (aren’t we all?). Perhaps that’s why I thoroughly enjoyed the collection of essays by women on what they no longer apologize for (page 126), pulled together by our features editor, Elizabeth Sile—as well as the candid and inspiring thoughts from our readers about how they let go of feeling self-conscious (page 22). Usually we apologize for things about ourselves that we worry are unflattering or somehow outside the norm. Yet such things are what make us us. Let’s celebrate our differences as we stretch and change.

Follow me on Twitter @lyazel and Instagram @leslieyazel

1 0 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 1 9

Photograph by Remi Pyrdol

WA R D R O B E S T Y L I N G B Y A LY S S A D I N E E N ; H A I R A N D M A K E U P B Y S U M M E R T R A N

’ M S O R RY,”

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America’s

Leslie Yazel EDITOR IN CHIEF

Rina Stone EXECUTIVE CRE ATIVE DIRECTOR

EXECUTIVE EDITOR Sara Austin EXECUTIVE MANAGING EDITOR Lavinel Savu CRE ATIVE DIRECTOR Emily Kehe PHOTO DIRECTOR Muzam Agha DEPUT Y EDITOR Anna Maltby

E D I TO R I A L FE ATURES EDITOR Elizabeth Sile SENIOR EDITOR Brandi Broxson A SSISTANT EDITOR Martha Upton EDITORIAL INTERN Mary Honkus CONTRIBUTING TR AVEL EDITORS

Ana Connery, Elaine Glusac, Pam LeBlanc

Daren Mazzucca VICE PRESIDENT, GROUP PUBLISHER

Vildia Samaniego

VICE PRESIDENT, BR AND MARKETING

A DV E RT I S I N G S A L E S MIDWEST VICE PRESIDENT, GROUP SALES DIRECTOR Mindy Provenzano INTEGR ATED ACCOUNT DIRECTORS Margaret Graff, Jennifer Latwis ADVERTISING SALES A SSISTANT Teri Dasbach

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E A ST COA ST INTEGR ATED ACCOUNT DIRECTORS

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Cat Dash, Julie Vadnal

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MARKETING A SSO CIATE MARKETING DIRECTOR Michael Texier SENIOR MARKETING MANAGERS Misty Chandler, Chanel Rivers MARKETING CO ORDINATOR Genevieve Herdegen ART DIRECTOR Sarah Massimo

P RO D U C T I O N , C I RC U L AT I O N & F I N A N C E SENIOR PRODUCTION MANAGER Courtney Thompson PRODUCTION TR AFFIC SUPERVISOR Quinn Weossner DIRECTOR OF QUALIT Y Joseph Kohler COLOR QUALIT Y ANALYST Pamela Powers A SSO CIATE CONSUMER MARKETING DIRECTOR Lynn Bolinger NEWSSTAND RETAIL Rose Cirrincione BUSINESS DIRECTOR Robyn Dean BUSINESS MANAGER Kimberly Cordray ADVERTISING BUSINESS MANAGER Zena Norbont A SSO CIATE FINANCE MANAGER Das Sarbani

D I G I TA L VICE PRESIDENT, CONTENT STR ATEGY & OPER ATIONS Melissa Inman

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SENIOR DIRECTOR, CONTENT STR ATEGY Heather Morgan Shott GENER AL MANAGER, HOME Angelique Jurgill CRE ATIVE DIRECTOR Rebecca Hart E-COMMERCE EDITORIAL LE AD Chloe Reznikov SENIOR AUDIENCE RETENTION MANAGER Kelly Lage DIGITAL MERCHANDISER Yasmin Lashley

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M E R E D I T H C O R P O R AT I O N PRESIDENT & CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER Tom Harty CHIEF FINANCIAL OFFICER Joseph Ceryanec CHIEF DEVELOPMENT OFFICER John Zieser PRESIDENT, MEREDITH LO CAL MEDIA GROUP Patrick McCreery SENIOR VICE PRESIDENT, HUMAN RESOURCES Dina Nathanson CHAIRMAN Stephen M. Lacy VICE CHAIRMAN Mell Meredith Frazier

1 2 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 1 9

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There are places you’ll never want to leave and some that will never leave you.

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Contents May 2019

O N T H E C OV E R

FLORAL S: Garden roses

TA K E T I M E F O R YO U Fun, Fast Dinner Recipes

118, 144

Create a Relaxing Home

Container Gardens for Any Space

110

Feel More Positive

126

5 New Books to Curl Up With

118

Homemade pizza? Yes!

134

1 10

126

Suit up for pool season

Make your mini garden grow

Seven writers stop saying sorry

Cover Photograph by Anna Williams 1 6 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 1 9

P r o p S t y l i n g b y Pa m e l a D u n c a n S i l v e r

Contents

It’s about time for a mint julep

New moms get some pampering

Bonding with your pet

Thoughts Editor’s Note

Real Simple 24 /7

Your Words

The Short List

what we love Mother’s Day Gifts

Pretty Smart Beauty buys to save your sanity 34 New Uses for Old Things Beauty products

Little Helpers Clever items that make every day better 42 The Staple Salsa

the realist

relating

How to Make the Best Mint Julep 47

5 Art Museums That Will Change Your Perspective 73

Cooking School Dairy explainer

If Your Walls Could Talk Choose a paint color, change your mood 50 Organize This Tidy up the playroom 54 Now What?!? Solutions for life’s mini disasters

How Three Moms Found Their Mojo New moms don’t always feel so beautiful—let’s change that 58 Road Test Mascara

The Essential Style a silk blouse for any occasion 68

Good Read Joanne Ramos overcomes her fear of buying a home Modern Manners Catherine Newman offers advice Pet Tricks How to pet-proof your home

Making It Work How do you find time for your pet when life gets busy? 98 The Less-Stress Guide to Money and Family Navigate familial lending and borrowing without all the drama 100 Ahhh Take a breather

109

features 87

balance So You Need to Deliver Bad News Give your employees feedback as painlessly as possible 91

A Garden for Any Space From window boxes to planters and pots, we’ll show you how a garden can fit anywhere 110

Best in Swim There’s a bathing suit for every style under the sun

134

food 5 Easy Dinners

144

Make It Yourself Shrimp cocktail

150

Road Test Salad dressing

151

Big Batch Trail mix

152

for fun Self-Care Practices for Realists 154

Ready, Set, Pizza! One dough, five original ways to enjoy 118 No Apologies Seven writers on the qualities about themselves they’ve learned to accept 126

REAL SIMPLE (ISSN 1528-1701) (MAY 2019) (VOLUME 20/ISSUE 5) IS PUBLISHED MONTHLY BY TI GOTHAM INC. TI GOTHAM INC. IS A WHOLLY OWNED SUBSIDIARY OF MEREDITH CORPORATION. PRINCIPAL OFFICE: 225 LIBERTY ST., NEW YORK, NY 10281-1008. PERIODICALS POSTAGE PAID AT NEW YORK, NY, AND ADDITIONAL MAILING OFFICES. POSTMASTER: SEND ALL UAA TO CFS (SEE DMM 507.1.5.2); NONPOSTAL AND MILITARY FACILITIES: SEND ADDRESS CORRECTIONS TO REAL SIMPLE MAGAZINE, PO BOX 37508, BOONE, IA 50037-0508. CANADA POST PUBLICATIONS MAIL AGREEMENT #40069223. BN# 13200211RT001. © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. PRINTED IN THE U.S.A. CUSTOMER SERVICE AND SUBSCRIPTIONS: FOR 24/7 SERVICE, PLEASE USE OUR WEBSITE: REALSIMPLE.COM/MYACCOUNT. YOU CAN ALSO CALL 1-800-881-1172 OR WRITE REAL SIMPLE, PO BOX 37508, BOONE, IA 50037-0508. REPRODUCTION IN WHOLE OR IN PART WITHOUT WRITTEN PERMISSION IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED. YOUR BANK MAY PROVIDE UPDATES TO THE CARD INFORMATION WE HAVE ON FILE. YOU MAY OPT OUT OF THIS SERVICE AT ANY TIME.

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MEET

TAY L O R E I S E N H AU E R

10 BRILLIANT SPRING CLEANING S H O RTC U T S

A S S I STA N T P R O D U C E R AT R E A L S I M P L E . C O M

Dream vacation: It would involve beach-hopping across Thailand, hiking Balinese jungles, and eating my way through Singapore. Most recent purchase: Satin pillowcases— they’re a game changer for avoiding frizz. @TAYLOREISENHAUER ON INSTAGRAM

See more at realsimple .com/deepclean.

40-plus Mother’s Day gift ideas Wrap one of these thoughtful Mother’s Day gifts in a pretty bow and watch as Mom opens it with awe. (You can thank us later.) Shop the gifts at realsimple.com/momgifts.

5 plants every home should have

#R SBE AUT Y Need to revamp your routine? Follow #rsbeauty on Instagram for fun and fresh makeup looks, easy hairstyles, and pretty-skin tips from our beauty editors and guest experts.

PINTEREST @REALSIMPLE

TWITTER @REALSIMPLE

S N A P C H AT @REALSIMPLEMAG

Transform your interior into a lush indoor oasis. Read more at realsimple .com/indoorplants.

2 0 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 1 9

Open

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FAC E B O O K @REALSIMPLE

I N S TA G R A M @ R E A L _S I M P L E

C L O C K W I S E F R O M T O P L E F T : C O U R T E S Y O F TAY L O R E I S E N H A U E R ; G E T T Y I M A G E S ( 2 ) ; G R E G D U P R E E ; G E T T Y I M A G E S

Do spring cleaning right with our tidying tricks, stain solutions, and everything else you’ve wanted to know about cleaning—all in one place.

Favorite item in my apartment: My postcard collection. I grab one everywhere I go, so I started making a gallery wall out of them.

LOVE HOW YOU SPRING Easy, safari-inspired styles are total game changers

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Yo u r W o r d s

What’s something you used to feel self-conscious about but don’t anymore?

Whether someone likes me. It only took 60 years! @ M . N O R M 0709

# R S L OV E

“ T RY A D U TC H OV E N TO M A K E B A K E RY ST Y L E B R E A D I N YO U R H O M E ! ” @ S W E E TC AY E N N E 5

Talking too much. Now I just talk to everyone, and maybe I can brighten their day. LIZ ME T TILLE, TOPEK A , K ANSAS

My introversion. I was always told I was too quiet, and I thought it was wrong that I would rather stay home by myself. Now I appreciate my listening skills and relish the times I can be alone to recharge. @JANEOT T

My age. I’m a teacher and love telling my students I’m half a century old! BONNIE BARRY, MO ORE, OKL AHOMA

My large ears. I realized a few years ago, when I was talking to someone, that I don’t notice people’s ears. I couldn’t even tell you what my closest friends’ ears look like. I realized that people are probably not looking at my ears—and I got over it. SHARON THOMP SON, TOWSON, MARYL AND

My parenting. With all the mom shamers out there, I used to constantly overanalyze everything. Now I’m content. My kids are happy, healthy, and so loved. I’m doing something right!

Buying tampons, when I was in my 20s. Now in my 30s, I plop those puppies on the checkout counter right next to my ice cream and red wine with no shame! AUBREE DUNBAR, FORT L AUDERDALE, FLORIDA

My freckles. As a kid, I covered them with my hands. As a teen, I covered them with layers of mismatched foundation. Now, as a mother of three young ladies destined to inherit them, I embrace them. BE TH BE AL , ANNAP OLIS, MARYL AND

Having a career that society doesn’t admire or consider a real job. Twenty years later, I feel as though I designed a life that was family friendly and badass. @WEEKSRINGLE

BRIT TANY CARBONARO, STATEN ISL AND, NE W YORK

Running errands without makeup—nobody cares! @ C G T I M BY

2 2 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 1 9

Yo u r W o r d s

What’s something you used to feel self-conscious about but don’t anymore?

Whether my house is clean enough. I am a cleanerthan-average person, but my sister’s house is straight out of a magazine, and I’ve felt the need to keep up. I have a high-pressure job that requires a lot of time and energy, so sometimes I have to let my house be tidy and clean enough. I have learned to be OK with that. @JENNCOLLINS31 1

Using weights at the gym. At first I didn’t want anyone to watch me. Now that I feel strong and happy, I don’t care who sees! My Southern accent. Someone once told me, “Lose it. It makes you sound unintelligent.” But as I’ve moved around the country over the years, I’ve come to appreciate it as a symbol of all the wonderful things that are part of growing up in the South, a reminder of my filled-withgreat-memories childhood. L AINIE MABBIT T, STAUNTON, VIRGINIA

Doing things alone, like going to the movies, eating at a restaurant, or even visiting a museum. I’ve learned that I’m my own best company. @LISA .B.315

The Instagrammers who shared the photos on these pages will receive our Spring Cleaning special edition. Want to be considered for this column? Tag photos on Instagram with #RSLOVE.

My voice. I used to worry that it was too deep and not feminine enough. Over the years, I’ve grown to like its strength—so much so that I started a podcast. ROBIN LEON, AUSTIN, TE XAS

MEL ANIE BROWN, GREENVILLE, SOUTH CAROLINA

My struggle with anxiety. I realized everyone is fighting some kind of battle, and the more we get the word out about mental health issues to remove the stigma, the less shame those who are fighting will feel, and the more help and support people will be willing to seek. HE ATHER GOS SEN, APPLE TON, WISCONSIN

My broad shoulders. I know I need them to help others.

# R S L OV E “ W H E N YO U R 9 - Y E A R - O L D I S S I C K , YO U G E T T H E C H A N C E TO P U L L O U T S O M E PA I N T, R E A D S O M E B O O K S , A N D WATC H A M OV I E O R T WO ! ” @ A L I C E A N D LO I S

NEXT QUESTION... What small thing do you do before leaving for vacation to ensure a smoother return? Send an email to yourwords@ realsimple.com and let us know your answer to this question. Your response could appear on these pages.

@WENDYE_55

My tummy. It brought a beautiful baby into the world this year, and I’ve never been more proud of or grateful for it. TIFFANY STARK , RALEIGH, NORTH CAROLINA

I have wild natural curls. When I had my own daughter with similar hair, I realized it was time to embrace them. A S H L E Y AT K I SS O N , F L AG STA F F, A R I Z O N A

M AY 2 0 1 9 R E A L S I M P L E

The Short List F I V E B O O K S T H AT W O N ’ T D I S A P P O I N T By Elizabeth Sile

Magazine editor Justine is surprised when she bumps into her childhood crush, Nick. While they’re catching up, he reveals his obsession with horoscopes— specifically the ones in her publication. When Justine begins editing the astrology column, she gets a little creative with her rewrites to sway Nick into realizing they’re meant for each other. Minnie Darke’s Star-Crossed is a charming love story with deeper points about belief and consequences.

Fantastical coming-of-age Caregiver memoir In Ladysitting, Lorene Cary recounts her grandmother’s rich life—one that spanned a century, from the Great Migration to the election of the first black president— and her final year, at age 100, when she moved in with Cary. The author movingly portrays what it’s like caring for a loved one—bureaucratic frustrations, angry outbursts, and all— and reckons with her grandmother’s contradictions.

Eleven-year-old Nedda dreams of becoming an astronaut, while her father longs to find a way to slow time—literally—to keep his daughter young a bit longer. But his time-altering device goes horribly awry. Decades later, Nedda is on a mission to another planet when her ship malfunctions. In Light from Other Stars, Erika Swyler masterfully connects these two narratives to reach a stunning conclusion.

Family saga Adventure tale At 19 years old, Lara Prior-Palmer signed up for the Mongol Derby, widely considered the hardest and (at about 620 miles) longest horse race in the world. With little enduranceriding experience and almost no preparation, she wasn’t even expected to finish. In her stylish, thrilling memoir, Rough Magic, PriorPalmer charts the grueling physical and mental race and shows how she embraced her ambition to become the first female winner.

As the title of Juliet Grames’s novel, The Seven or Eight Deaths of Stella Fortuna, implies, Stella has had a lot of brushes with death. While growing up in poverty in Italy, she is horribly burned by hot oil; much later, she falls and is lobotomized, waking up suddenly hating her sister. The novel’s unnamed narrator traces Stella’s life through these near misses. The result is a portrait of a resilient woman who, despite the often brutal, patriarchal world she lives in, carries on.

For more book recommendations, visit realsimple .com/newbooks.

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IT’S NOT E A SY TO PICK OUT THE PERFECT PRESENT FOR THE WOMAN WHO DOES IT ALL. THESE THOUGHTFUL M O T H E R ’ S D AY G I F T S WILL DO THE TRICK. By Cat Dash

P R O P S T Y L I N G B Y H E AT H E R G R E E N E

TWINNING Baking just got sweeter thanks to this Mom-andme set. TO BUY: Hooray Creative Kaleidoscope No. 1 apron, $38, and Shirley Lin Schneider Surf’s Up personalizable children’s apron-and-mitt set, $42; minted.com.

P h o t o g r a p h b y Te d + C h e l s e a C a v a n a u g h

M AY 2 0 1 9 R E A L S I M P L E

W H AT W E LO V E

5 8

1 G E O VA S E S These sculptural objects are striking with or without flowers. TO BUY: Totem colored glass vases, $29 each; westelm.com. 5 KEEP CO OL Wine stays cold and condensation-free for four hours in this vacuum-insulated chiller. TO BUY: Vinglacé wine bottle chiller, $90; food52.com.

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2 TOUCH OF GOLD Francophiles will especially adore this piece of jewelry, but anyone can appreciate its tribute to motherhood. TO BUY: Maman x Ariana Ost necklace, $36; mamannyc.com. 6 GIVE-BACK TOTE For every bag purchased, 10 school meals will be provided to children in need. TO BUY: Mom on a Mission tote, $38; feedprojects.com.

3 C H I C S TA C K Help Mom get organized with these recyclednylon bags, which are handy for travel. TO BUY: Spring Flowers 3D Zip set, $34; baggu.com. 7 P E R F E C T M AT C H This vintage-inspired piece holds four-inch matches and can also be used to display small objects. TO BUY: Violet match cloche, $30; skeemshop.com.

4 P O S H RO B E Made with luxe linen, this kimono-style robe gets softer and comfier with every wash. TO BUY: Positano linen robe, $128; serenaandlily.com. 8 T E A PA RT Y The Berlin-based brand sources its whole-leaf teas from farmers around the world. TO BUY: P & T Perfect Day and Unter Den Linden tea set, $35; food52.com.

VA S E S , W I N E C H I L L E R , A N D N E C K L A C E : P E T E R A R D I T O ; P R O D U C T I M A G E S C O U R T E S Y O F M A N U F A C T U R E R S

W H AT W E LO V E

Pretty Smart I N S TA N T R E L I E F F O R T I R E D E Y E S, P L U S S E V E N O T H E R B E AU T Y B U Y S T O S AV E YO U R S A N I T Y By Heather Muir Maffei

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Because you don’t have time to lay cold spoons over your eyes and sliced cucumbers can be slimy, try this handy stick, which soothes in seconds. Tap on the balm for an early-morning wakeup call or a 3 p.m. pick-me-up. Caffeine tightens; aloe, apple, and watermelon hydrate; and brighteners add a subtle glow. Ahhh. TO BUY: $28; ulta.com.

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Don’t like dipping your fingers into a traditional tub? This spray-on mask is neater to apply, plus it smooths hair without weight. TO BUY: $20; target.com.

SEEN SKIN-CARING BLOW-OUT CRÈME

If your skin breaks out from hair products, try this dermatologist creation. It won’t clog pores or irritate your hairline. Work in before drying hair to smooth fuzz and add shine. TO BUY: $24; helloseen.com. K I E H L’ S CALENDUL A S E RU M – I N F U S E D WAT E R C R E A M

Come warmer weather, your winter moisturizer can feel too heavy. Swap it for this soothing gel that calms red skin. TO BUY: $85; kiehls.com. REVLON P H O T O R E A DY I N S TA N T C H E E K MAKER IN MAKE M E B RO N Z E A N D S U G A R P LU M

Glide over cheeks (with the highlighter on top) to deposit blush and just-right shimmer. No tutorial needed. TO BUY: $11 each; revlon.com.

3 6 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 1 9

P R O D U CT I M AG E S C O U RT E SY O F M A N U FACT U R E R S

A L M AY V E LV E T F O I L CRE AM SHAD OW IN PA R A D I S E F O U N D

Bite the tablet, brush with a wet toothbrush, feel the formula foam, and then spit for an organic cleaning. The tablets reduce plastic waste (you get a month’s worth in each glass bottle), look chic on your counter, and travel well. TO BUY: $12; bitetoothpaste bits.com.

Go from extra dry to EXTRA relief ®

TheraTears EXTRA dry eye therapy’s extra moisturizing formula provides extraordinary symptom relief

nourished hair, glowing skin a little for the planet Our luscious murumuru butter & rose hair and body collection, infused with ethically sourced rose, is cruelty-free and vegan. These are just a few of our small acts to give a little love to the planet.

Join us on our mission of #smallactsoﬂove @lovebeautyandplanet

YES vegan & cruelty-free YES ethically-sourced rose

NO parabens NO guilt

W H AT W E LO V E

New Uses for Old Things

Beauty Products D ON’T TOSS THOSE EMPT Y BOT TLES AND TUBS. MAKE THEM OVER WITH THESE PRET T Y AND PR ACTICAL HACKS. By Brandi Broxson

PERFUME B O T T L E A S VA S E

B O B BY P I N A S BOOKMARK

No more dog-eared pages. The pin will hold your place and stay put better than a paper bookmark.

LIP BALM TUB AS S E E D L I N G S TA RT E R

The egglike shape makes it a perfect vessel for starting seeds. Rinse well prior to planting.

SHAMP O O B OT TLE A S FAU C E T EXTENDER

Carefully cut off the top and bottom using a utility knife. Then cut a half oval an inch from the top lip. Place over spigot to stream water to little hands.

Learn how to responsibly dispose of nonreusable beauty containers at realsimple.com/ recycle.

4 0 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 1 9

Photographs by Corey Olsen

P R O P S T Y L I N G B Y M I A K O K AT O H

Remove the sprayer and wash the bottle to get rid of any lingering fragrance. Fill with fresh or dried flowers.

SUNSCREEN FOR SENSITIVE SKIN New Banana Boat® Simply Protect Sensitive™ gives you the same strong sun protection with 25% fewer ingredients.* Made with hypoallergenic, mineral-enriched lotion and without oxybenzone, parabens, added oils or fragrances — for worry-free fun in the sun.

*by number vs. Banana Boat Dry Balance Sunscreen Lotion SPF 50+

W H AT W E LO V E

H E A LT H - M O N I T O R I N G C AT L I T T E R

It’s lightweight, it lasts a whole month, and it changes color to alert you to a possible health issue, like a urinary tract infection. TO BUY: Pretty Litter, $22 for 6 lb.; prettylitter.com.

S H AV I N G A I D

Suction this holder to the wall and tap your razor on the unclogging brush throughout your shave for smoother results. It also sharpens the blades for extended use. In three colors. TO BUY: Bladetap, $25; bladetap.com.

360-DEGREE CLEANING SET

The ball-and-socket design makes for an easier clean, whether you’re mopping floors or clearing cobwebs from ceilings. Includes machine-washable microfiber pads, which you can use up to 100 times. TO BUY: Duop All-in-One Set, $50; theduop.com.

Little Helpers S I X S M A RT P RO D U C T S TO M A K E YO U R L I F E E A S I E R By Brandi Broxson

SodaStream’s newest electric machine turns still water into sparkling with the touch of a button. Includes reusable bottle. TO BUY: SodaStream Fizzi One Touch, $120 (use code REALSIMPLE for 15 percent off; valid 4/1/19 through 5/1/19); sodastream.com.

CLEVER JIGGER

Measuring spoons, step aside. This handy glass accurately marks milliliters, ounces, tablespoons, and teaspoons. TO BUY: Stonewall Kitchen Mini Measure, $3.50; stonewallkitchen.com.

4 2 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 1 9

OV E R S I Z E T O T E

This sturdy yet lightweight bag is big enough to easily transport up to 12 beach towels, hold off-season coats, or even house an air mattress. Comes in more than 15 patterns. TO BUY: 4 Boys Bag, $58; scoutbags.com.

See our top problem-solving finds at realsimple.com/ problemsolvers.

R A ZO R : P E T E R A R D I TO ; P R O D U CT I M AG E S C O U RT E SY O F M A N U FACT U R E R S

F I Z Z Y WAT E R ON DEMAND

BRIGHT OFFERS

EVENTS

FINDS

IDEAS

GIVEAWAYS

W H AT W E LO V E

Quick Ideas 1 CHICKEN AND S AU S A G E JA M B A L AYA

The Staple Sure, you could serve salsa as part of a classic chips-and-dip platter, but we use it to add zing to all kinds of dishes. Because it’s full of zesty tomatoes, onions, and spices, it brings big flavor and tang to a shortcut jambalaya. Blend it with softened butter to amp up simple steaks or baked potatoes. Or fold it into prepared corn muffin mix with some melty cheese to turn humble muffins into a side worthy of an olé.

Cook 12 oz. sliced andouille and 1 chopped onion in 2 Tbsp. olive oil in a large pot over mediumhigh until onion is soft, 8 minutes. Stir in 2 cups each white rice, shredded rotisserie chicken, and chunky salsa, 1 cups chicken stock, and 1 tsp. Creole seasoning. Bring to a simmer; reduce heat to medium, cover, and cook until rice is tender, 15 minutes. 2 SAL SA BUT TER

Stir together 2 sticks softened unsalted butter, cup chunky salsa, cup chopped fresh cilantro, the zest and juice of 2 limes, tsp. ground cumin, and 1 clove grated garlic until evenly combined. Shape into a log, wrap in plastic, and freeze at least 15 minutes and up to 1 month. 3 SAL SA CORN MUFFINS

Pair salsa with the top-rated chips at realsimple.com/chips.

B y D a w n Pe r r y Recipes by Liz Mer vosh

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Photograph by Corey Olsen

P R O P S T Y L I N G B Y M I A K O K AT O H

Prepare an 8.5-oz. box corn muffin mix according to package directions. Fold in 1 cup shredded Monterey Jack cheese, cup chunky salsa, and 2 Tbsp. chopped pickled jalapeños. Bake according to package directions for muffins.

U N C O M M O N S O L U T I O N S T O E V E RY D AY P R O B L E M S

H OW TO M A KE TH E B E ST M INT J U LE P FOOD ST YLING BY CHEL SE A ZIMMER; PROP ST YLING BY CL AIRE SPOLLEN

The secret to this Derby cocktail? Don’t muddle the mint, says mixologist Alexandra Stiles, founder of Amendment 21 Event Bartending in Lexington, Kentucky. Why? Bruising the mint or breaking it into bits can make the drink taste bitter. Instead, clap six mint leaves in your palms to release the herbs’ oils, and then add them to a 10-ounce glass with half an ounce of simple syrup. Fill the glass with crushed ice and 1½ ounces of bourbon and stir vigorously. Finally, clap another mint leaf to garnish the drink. “This gives you that mint aroma while you’re drinking it,” says Stiles. By Kristine Gill

Photograph by Greg DuPree

REAL SIMPLE

THE REALIST

Cooking School C A N ’ T T E L L Y O U R C R E A M F R O M Y O U R Q U A R K ? U S E T H I S D A I RY E X P L A I N E R T O N AV I G AT E T H AT T R I C K Y B I T O F T H E D A I RY A I S L E . By Ananda Eidelstein

R I C OT TA C OT TA G E C H E E S E FA R M E R C H E E S E This tangy cheese is made by draining and pressing cottage cheese. It’s firm and crumbly but still spreadable. Roll it up in crepes or spread it on a bagel and top with lox.

This mild cheese is made by draining whey from curds but not pressing, leaving some loose curds and whey behind. It’s relatively low in calories and high in protein. Top with sliced cucumbers, olive oil, and herbs.

F RO M A G E B L A N C Reminiscent of yogurt, this French-style cheese, made from cultured milk, is tangy, spreadable, and often fat-free. Serve it topped with berries and a drizzle of honey, or blend it with herbs for an easy dip.

Ricotta (“recooked” in Italian) is traditionally made from the whey left over from the production of other cheeses, though these days it can also be made with milk. It’s mild enough for sweet and savory dishes; stir it into scrambled eggs or spread it on toast with jam.

CREAM CHEESE This dense and salty American staple is required by law to contain at least 33 percent milk fat and no more than 55 percent moisture. Add a dollop to macaroni and cheese for extra creaminess, or spread some on sliced banana bread.

MASCARPONE

Q UA R K Found in low-fat and nonfat versions, quark, or “curd” in German, is a tangy soft cheese similar to sour cream. Creaminess is often achieved by the gentle mixing of ingredients and the addition of cultures. Try swapping quark for half the cream cheese in your favorite cheesecake recipe.

Thick, smooth, and subtly sweet, it’s the key ingredient in tiramisu. Made by curdling cream, this spreadable soft cheese has a very high fat content. Dollop it onto pasta or swirl it into risotto for luscious richness.

CRÈME FR AÎCHE This cultured cream is velvety with a slight tang. It’s comparable to sour cream but higher in fat, making it rich and buttery. Crème fraîche won’t curdle if boiled, so it’s great added to sauces or swirled into pureed soups.

M O R E F RO M O U R K I T C H E N Find videos, lessons, shortcuts, and strategies to help you get dinner (and breakfast, and lunch, and dessert) on the table with ease at realsimple.com/cookingschool.

4 8 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 1 9

Illustrations by Adam Cruft

Make Sargento BLTLC

THIS IS NOT JUST A BLT. IT’S A

BLTLC. THAT’S THE POWER OF REAL.

100% vs 51% Put “Tender Loving Care” in every bite with Sargento® Slices. Always 100% real, natural cheese. Not 51%, which is all pasteurized process cheese food is required to contain.

THE REALIST

If Your Walls Could Talk

C O L O R I S P OW E R F U L .

It’s often the first thing people notice when they walk through a space, and it’s one of the most important building blocks of your home’s personal style. But when faced with a thick book of paint chips, most people gravitate toward their favorite colors or play it safe with neutrals. Instead, consider the mood you’d like to inspire in each room. “Colors elicit feelings, jog your memory, and function as a form of self-expression,” says textile designer Lori Weitzner, author of Ode to Color: The Ten Essential Palettes of Living and Design. We asked designers and color experts for their favorite paint colors to achieve a certain vibe. Of course, this isn’t an exact science, but use these ideas as a starting point.

PA I N T H A S T H E P O T E N T I A L T O H E L P Y O U C H I L L O U T, C H E E R U P, O R G E T D O W N T O B U S I N E S S — H E R E ’ S H O W. By Kathleen Murray Harris

Think of the ocean. How do you feel? “Cool, watery colors calm you,” says Jessica Helgerson, an interior designer in Portland, Oregon. That’s why sky blue or a neutral with an undertone (the color that’s mixed with the primary color) of gray or green is common in bedrooms and yoga studios: These shades capture that soothing, serene, privateretreat vibe, says Hope Fallin, owner of Hope Fallin Color & Design in Ridgewood, New Jersey. Her favorite chill-out colors are SherwinWilliams’s Passive, a soft blue-gray with a hint of green, and Light French Gray, a classic, cool gray. Soft, watery blues, pale gray-blues (like the sky), and green-grays (like soft mint) are often associated with calming and healing and are frequently used in doctors’ offices.

Light French Gray, from $33 per gallon; sherwin -williams.com for info. TO BUY:

5 0 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 1 9

TO BUY: Views, $49 per gallon; clare.com.

F R O M TO P : L AU R A L A M O N ACA / O F F S E T ; B R I A N H E N N

Relax with gray or blue.

Pink Ground, from $110 per gallon; farrow-ball.com. TO BUY:

Get happy with sun-kissed colors.

Red Earth, from $110 per gallon; farrow -ball.com.

C LO C K W I S E F R O M TO P : J O E S C H M E L Z E R / O F F S E T ; E V I A B E L E R / O F F S E T ; B R I A N H E N N ( 3 )

TO BUY:

Maison Blanche, from $33 per gallon; sherwin-williams .com for info. TO BUY:

In spaces where you could use a pick-me-up, try warm neutrals and sun-kissed shades, like apricot, rust, and tan. Consider a nude blush, says Weitzner, like Benjamin Moore’s Bashful and Farrow & Ball’s Pink Ground, which have yellow undertones to prevent the color from skewing too bubble gum. Not surprisingly, yellow itself creates a cheerful vibe too. “We associate yellow with happiness and sunshine, and for many people it promotes creativity and productivity,” says Sara Gore, the host of NBC’s Open House. Choosing the right yellow can be challenging, though. “Many are too bright or too baby pastel,” says Fallin. For a modern, yellow-adjacent shade, she suggests a warm beige, like SherwinWilliams’s Maison Blanche.

Encourage easy conversation with green. Active yet calm colors will help create a good ambience for entertaining. It may sound contradictory, but in areas like the kitchen and dining room, you want people to feel relaxed and engaged at the same time. Nature-inspired greens, like those found in bamboo leaves or sage, are perfect for your cook space, says Weitzner. They can elevate your mood without being too intense. “Greens are reminiscent of being outside, where your energy and spirits are high yet relaxed and

grounded,” she explains. Try Benjamin Moore’s Honeydew or SherwinWilliams’s Oh Pistachio. If you’re nervous about bright colors, Weitzner says to mix your green shade with Benjamin Moore’s Linen White, which takes the edge off but keeps the color clean and bright. It will turn a neon lime, for instance, into an inviting green apple.

Honeydew, from $55 per gallon; benjaminmoore.com for info. TO BUY:

TO BUY: Valspar Signature in Green Peppercorn, from $33 per gallon; lowes.com for info.

Calypso Orange, from $55 per gallon; benjaminmoore .com for info. TO BUY:

Pops of a bright color like coral or cobalt can energize you; they work well in a home office or other space you want to feel focused in. If you’re feeling adventurous, Weitzner loves a bright tangerine orange, like Benjamin Moore’s Calypso Orange, which she says can encourage quick thinking and creativity. Since too much of a bright color can be intimidating— and distracting—try it out on one accent wall, suggests Weitzner. At Third Branch Creative Studio in Milwaukee, owner Elizabeth Rees used a bright yellow ombré effect to add visual interest in a subtle way. “It helps move the eye around the room, keeping clients’ minds active,” says Rees.

TO BUY: White Opulence, from $55 per gallon; benjaminmoore .com for info.

There’s a move toward rich, almost black colors in dining rooms, TV rooms, and living rooms, says Nicole Gibbons, founder of Clare, an online paint retailer. You may think these shades would make a space seem smaller, but they actually do the opposite, says Helgerson. “Light reflects off dark colors to create shadows and more dynamic color, making your space appear bigger,” she explains. To create this feeling of luxurious comfort, opt for a strong, cool iron gray (try Irony from Clare) or a rich, sophisticated blue that looks like warm denim (try Behr’s Blueprint). While blues are typically cool colors, if they have brown undertones, they can create a warm vibe, notes Fallin. These almost cavelike colors are also great in bedrooms: “Some clients enjoy feeling like they’re in a cocoon,” says Fallin.

TO BUY: Irony, $49 per gallon; clare.com.

Blueprint, from $25 per gallon; behr.com. TO BUY:

Dark Night, from $33 per gallon; sherwin -williams.com for info.

TO BUY:

Sleep better with soft pinks. While a light gray-blue shade can be relaxing, you might also consider a slightly warmer tone for your bedroom, says Weitzner. Pick a soft neutral with a barely-there pink or purple undertone, like White Opulence by Benjamin Moore. The soothing shade will reflect light to keep the space cheery in the daytime while providing a note of calm positivity as you ease into your nighttime routine.

Make painting less of a chore with the clever tips and tricks at realsimple.com/painthacks. 5 2 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 1 9

C L O C K W I S E F R O M T O P L E F T : J O E S C H M E L Z E R / O F F S E T ; B R I A N H E N N ( 2 ) ; F L O T O WA R N E R / O T T O ; B R I A N H E N N

Be productive with bright colors.

Feel cozy with dark blues and charcoal.

Home Decorators Collection Cordless Cellular Shade in Cloudy Day

ELEVATED STYLE WITHIN REACH

The Home Depot® is the #1 retailer of cordless blinds and shades. With more styles, textures, colors and designs than any other brand, we’ll turn both your vision and budget into reality. Learn more at homedepot.com/blinds.

THE REALIST

Organize This K I D S A R E N ’ T A L W AY S L O G I C A L , B U T T H E I R S PA C E C A N B E . T A M E T H E C H A O S W I T H T H E S E P L AY R O O M S O L U T I O N S F R O M C E R T I F I E D P R O F E S S I O N A L O R G A N I Z E R J U L I E B E S T RY. By Mar y Honkus

1 E X H I B I T A RT P ROJ EC T S

Hang a cable or clothesline on one wall (above climbing height) to showcase current masterpieces. It provides a set amount of space for artwork to live, so have your child choose their favorite pieces to display. TO BUY: Clothespin Photo & Memo Holder, $15; containerstore.com. 2 R EO R I E N T B O O K S

Arrange books facing outward so youngsters can see the cover images. It will be easier for them to find the volume they want, especially if they’re not quite reading yet. TO BUY: Sloan Bookrack, $199; potterybarnkids.com.

3 C R E AT E A DA P TA B L E S TO R A G E

Cubby shelves offer flexibility as children grow. First use them to stash categorized toy bins; then transition them into book or clothing storage spots. Help kids keep shelves neat by attaching a label or a photo of the contents to the outside of each bin. TO BUY: Our Tall Shoe Boxes, $4.50 each; container store.com. HP Sprocket 2nd Edition Photo Printer, $130; store.hp.com.

4 S P L I T T H E S PA C E

If your play area is part of a room that does double duty, separate the room into zones. Lay a cushioned rug to designate the play zone, and consider adding a folding room divider to mask any clutter when it’s not in use. TO BUY: Cali Play Rug, $199; ruggishco.com. 5 S C A L E TO F I T

5 4 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 1 9

Opt for kid-size furniture—chairs they can get into and out of on their own, tables that are just the right height for standing while doing projects. Bonus: You’ll have more space for active play. TO BUY: Digby Play Table, $199, and Perch Chair, $89; roomandboard.com.

Photograph by Br yan Gardner

THE REALIST

Now What?!? S M A RT F I X E S F O R L I F E ’ S L I T T L E D I S A ST E R S B y Ta m a r a K r a u s

I just sent an email that I wasn’t ready to send. If you sent the email through Gmail or Microsoft Outlook, you may be able to unsend it, says Jason R. Rich, a consumer technologies expert in Foxboro, Massachusetts. In Gmail, go to your settings and find the Undo Send option, which gives you a brief chance to cancel a message after sending. Each time you send an email, an Undo button will appear at the bottom corner of your inbox. Outlook lets you recall email only from other Office 365 or Microsoft Exchange users in the same organization (if that feature is enabled). Double-click the email from the Sent Items folder to open it, select the Message tab, click on Actions, and then click on Recall This Message. If these features don’t work for you, craft a short, polite email telling the recipient to disregard.

My refrigerator lost power.

THE FIX:

Food in the fridge will stay cold for approximately four hours if the doors aren’t opened, and a full freezer will maintain its temperature for about 48 hours, says Terry Spencer, an expert at RepairClinic.com. According to the FDA, food that has remained at or below 40 degrees Fahrenheit is safe to eat or be refrozen; store a thermometer inside your appliance so you can determine whether food needs to be thrown out. Have a cooler and frozen water jugs on hand to temporarily store food in case of a power outage. No cooler? Quickly move as much food as you can to the bottom of the fridge, where it’s the coolest. THE FIX:

The buckle on one of my sandals broke while I was running errands. Temporarily secure the sandal to your foot by sliding on a few rubber bands or hair ties; place them mainly over the middle of your instep, says Raul Ojeda, a shoemaker at Willie’s Shoe Service in Los Angeles. This works for most types of sandals, and it will do the trick whether the entire buckle has fallen off or the prong or elastic strap has broken. When you can, take your sandal to a cobbler, who will unstitch the old strap and sew in a new one, dyed to match if necessary.

5 6 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 1 9

KERRY AND LUIS/OFFSET

THE FIX:

CONTROL THE CLOUD OF NASTIES

WHAT HAPPENS IN THE LITTER BOX SHOULD STAY IN THE LITTER BOX New Cloud Control™ litter reduces airborne dander and other nasties when you scoop. It has an allergen-free light scent* and is 100% dust free so you can breathe easy.

*excludes 26 known scent allergens based on Annex III of EU Cosmetic Regulation 1223/2009

SAR AH 39, B RO O K LY N , N E W YO R K

An education lawyer, Sarah started her own practice after her second child was born, in order to have a more flexible schedule. “I used to have an active nightlife and always wore lipstick. But now I never do, because the kids grab at my lips, and I focus on work or the kids. I forgot that part of myself.”

Her Glam Hairstylist David Lopez cut off about four inches to fake fullness and sprayed Rita Hazan Root Concealer Touch Up Spray ($25; rita hazan.com) on her grays. Makeup artist Summer Tran gave her smoky eyes and soft lips.

Her Reveal “I feel awesome! I didn’t realize I could put in effort and look so glamorous, and it’s worth the time to make a transformation. I love that my kids teach me to not take life so seriously; I love relearning every little thing. Magic and rainbows hold more weight.”

How Three Moms Found Their Mojo A F T E R W E L L - D E S E R V E D PA M P E R I N G , T H E S E W O M E N F E LT R E C H A R G E D , M O R E L I K E T H E M S E L V E S , A N D R E A DY T O TA K E O N T H E W O R L D. By Heather Muir Maffei

5 8 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 1 9

Photographs by Remi Pyrdol

Hair by David Lopez using IGK and Prose for Next Ar tists M a k e u p b y S u m m e r Tr a n S t y l i n g b y F l a v i a N u n e z

M A N I C U R E B Y S H I R L E Y C H E N G U S I N G O R LY AT S E E M A N A G E M E N T. B L O U S E W I T H T I E S , $ 3 5 ; H M . C O M . C U R V E N E C K L A C E , $ 8 9 ; S A R A H C H L O E . C O M

Her Story

NEW

IGNED T O

with

Magnesium WITH Calcium CALCIUM, Vitamin D MAGNESIUM

F & VITAMIN UD U E L Y O

15g Honey Almond Ancient Grains

With 15 grams of protein and 3 powerful nutrients – calcium, magnesium and vitamin D – Special K Honey Almond Ancient Grains has protein that goes the extra mile for you. It’s the delicious way to get more from protein.

Blend of whole grain wheat, rice, soy, ancient grains sorghum & black rice ﬂakes with honey & almond

PA I G E 31 , B O U L D E R , C O LO R A D O

Her Story When their son was 3, Paige and her husband decided they wanted one more. To their shock, “one” turned into triplets. “I cried; my husband laughed. ‘I guess we’re getting a minivan,’ he said.” After a 110-pound weight gain and 11 weeks of bed rest, Paige welcomed three boys. She has spent the past two years juggling four car seats and averaging 20 diapers a day. Paige is returning to work soon, as a consulting teacher. “I want to look like a very puttogether mom who is only 31.”

Her Glam A bouncy trim and texturizing spray, plus shimmery shadow and curled lashes (for the first time!), gave Paige a boost.

Her Reveal “I feel like myself before kids— I might even be better. I’m going home motivated to take care of myself because it affects how I function.”

6 0 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 1 9

THE REALIST

Hey, New Moms: You’re Beautiful P O S T - B A B Y, S H E ’ D N E V E R F E LT L E S S P R E T T Y. I T W O U L D TA K E W I T N E S S I N G H E R C L O S E F R I E N D C RO SS T H E T H R E S H O L D I N TO M OT H E R H O O D T O S E E W H AT WA S T H E R E A L L A L O N G.

S TAT E L O N G - S L E E V E S P L I T - N E C K F L O R A L B E L L E B L O U S E W I T H T I E , $ 7 9 ; N O R D S T R O M . C O M . G R E C O L A R I AT N E C K L A C E , $ 1 8 8 ; C AT B I R D N Y C . C O M

By Elisabeth Egan

in a department store dressing room. Here’s what I see: an exhausted, overwhelmed, half-naked woman who had a baby six weeks ago. Even my earlobes look weary. Before I go any further, let me say: I was raised on a steady diet of Free to Be…You and Me and bodies-come-in-all-shapes-and-sizes. So the following assessment of my “post-baby body” (as I have never called it before and never will again) is as disheartening to me as it would be to any self-respecting feminist. Nevertheless, welcome to my dressing room. My stomach is an empty kangaroo pouch, a bowl full of Jello, a deflated balloon I can lift with both hands. It would be a fun stress toy to squish around if it weren’t attached to my torso. My breasts are eggs Benedict dripping with veins instead of hollandaise. There are new bulges spilling over the circumference of my bra strap. The year is 2001. Terms like “muffin top” and “back fat” have not come into vogue. When they do, I won’t embrace them. I’ve always been a healthy size 8, but now I have no idea what size I am, so I’ve grabbed all the sizes. When the salesperson asked if I was shopping for an occasion, I said, “Motherhood.” She backed away, hands in the air. I am 27, the first of my friends to have a baby. I read the books and took Lamaze classes, but there is still a lot I wasn’t prepared for. The mucus plug, for starters. The sound of a newborn’s cry—equal parts kitten, chainsaw, and sonic boom. The new vocabulary: “meconium,” “fontanel,” “lanugo.” But more surprising than the satisfaction of a tight swaddle or the bottomlessness of my love is how my body looks. Do I pause to appreciate what it’s been through, the person it grew? Nope. Instead I wrinkle my nose and wonder if I’ll ever fit into my old jeans. I buy a pair of black-and-white checkered pants that will be my uniform for the next three seasons. I’ll wear them when we take our daughter to visit her great-grandmother and when I push her on a swing for the first time. On 9/11, I will be wearing these pants when the towers fall I ’ M S TA N D I N G I N F R O N T O F A M I R R O R

and my husband and I race through the ashes with our 5-month-old, running so fast I won’t notice the jiggle of my belly against the waistband. Never will I have been so grateful for my pair of strong legs. before any of this happens: I go home to my baby-cluttered apartment and call my friend Claire, who is driving across Mexico. The two of us have shared meals, clothes, car keys, mixtapes, job leads, secrets—but right now, our lives could not be more different. While Claire is camping under the stars, I’m running my finger down the index of The Contented Little Baby Book, looking for “colic, symptoms of.” Claire mentions she’s learning how to surf. “Wow,” I say, wondering if I’ll ever wear a bathing suit again. “Is it hard?” Claire says it’s one of the hardest things she’s ever done—“Ha,” I think— but the water is beautiful and warm, so she’s sticking with it. I’m not in any frame of mind to spot a metaphor, but I glance at my daughter in the crook of my elbow and suddenly stop wishing for a friend who understands why I’m wearing cabbage leaves in my bra. It turns out, I do have something in common with Claire: We’re both learning to surf. I will wear a bathing suit again. I’ll fit into my jeans. In fact, the only body part that will remain bigger is my heart. And OK, fine, maybe my butt, but I’m the only one who notices. B U T F I R S T,

Do I pause to appreciate what my body has been through, the person it grew? Nope. I wonder if I’ll ever fit into my old jeans.

M AY 2 0 1 9 R E A L S I M P L E

THE REALIST

of the story. Not even close. Over the next five years, I have two more kids, and Claire comes to know their favorite pizza toppings and the names of their teachers. When the third graders have to write about a person who is important to them, my daughter writes about Claire. Rushing to a meeting at school, I smile at Claire’s picture on a bulletin board alongside J.K. Rowling’s and Barack Obama’s. And then when my kids are 14, 11, and 8, Claire calls to tell me she’s pregnant. We rejoice. Nobody deserves this more; nobody is better prepared. Still, over the next several months, I bombard Claire with all the information I wish someone had shared with me. I tell her about the mucus plug; she already knows. I tell her she might still look pregnant after the baby is born; she is aware. When Claire’s daughter is 6 weeks old, my family flies to California to meet her. We’ve rented a bungalow, and the plan is for Claire to come over when we arrive. I’m surprised how quickly I get a text saying, “Parking! Be right in.” Maybe five-point restraints are less confusing than they used to be? (They’re not.) When I open the door, I see Claire with a bottle of wine in one hand and a car seat in the other. Her daughter is at what my mom would call “a rolling boil”—there’s that sonic boom again, but without the old hair-raising effect. I pause to take in my friend. I’ve imagined Claire as I was after I had my older daughter: overwhelmed and baggy, depleted and bulky. The woman in front of me is the happiest person I have ever seen. She is also— radiantly, magically—all her old selves again: The girl sitting on the counter in our college house, eating macaroni from the pot. A young paralegal, slipping a token into a turnstile as if she owned the subway system. A beaming bride. I couldn’t tell you what Claire looked like that night. Is she wearing skinny jeans or a caftan? Converse sneakers or sandals? What I remember is the way she holds the car seat as if it were the lightest thing in the world. As if it were a gift. Which, of course, it is. For the first time, I appreciate the near-superhuman power of a woman who has just crossed the threshold into motherhood. The glow around Claire isn’t only from the streetlight; it is courage and optimism. It is knowing what to expect, knowing you can’t possibly know everything, and diving in anyway. We open the wine. My kids bicker about holding the baby, who is spectacular, as I knew she would be. She looks like her mom and her dad and herself—and also, strangely, like the baby who gazed at me from the car seat on the floor of that dressing room. My big girl, the one who taught me how to get up on the board and how to keep my eyes on the horizon. My husband holds Claire’s baby—a beautiful sight. He and I have arrived at a place we never dreamed of, where our kids can make breakfast, pack their own suitcases. They are the people we’ve been waiting for. And guess what hangs behind them, mounted on the wall: two surfboards, one black, one white. BUT THIS ISN’T THE END

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ELISABETH EGAN IS THE AUTHOR OF A W IND OW OPENS AND CHIEF CORRESP ONDENT ON THE INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT @10 0P OSTCARDS.

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The former pharmaceuticaladvertising project manager is now a stay-at-home mom to her 3-year-old daughter. “I feel like I lost myself. People try to prepare you for motherhood, but you don’t know until you are in it. I don’t have as much time. I felt alone and not myself for the first year. I put myself on the back burner.”

Her Glam A center part and curtain bangs make her hair feel fresher, says Lopez, who added layers at her crown to create volume. Tran filled in her brows, evened out her skin, and gave her flirty lashes.

Her Reveal “I feel amazing—like a celebrity! My hair is so chic and liberating; it’s what I’ve always wanted. I’m going to re-create my makeup for a wedding. I feel more like myself, more fun. Today boosted my self-esteem. Like, ‘Hey, I still kind of got it.’ ”

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WA N T A S M U D G E - P RO O F F O R M U L A F O R L O N G D AY S O R M A J O R V O L U M E F O R A BIG NIGHT? WE DID THE ARM WORK TO FIND THE SIX TOP-PERFORMING M A S C A R A S (O U T O F 27 T E ST E D) S O YO U C A N AC H I E V E YO U R L A S H G OA L S.

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B E S T VO LU M E Dior Diorshow Pump ’N’ Volume HD #090 Black Pump This cult favorite got a mini makeover. Housed in a flexible tube (squeeze the sides to remove excess mascara—you’ll never have to wipe the brush along the lid again), the formula contains lighter waxes and polymers to give more volume. Cotton nectar strengthens, so lashes look healthy even after you take off your makeup. TO BUY: $29.50; dior.com.

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Pat McGrath Labs FetishEyes Mascara The bristles grab lash roots for lift, the peptides strengthen, and the soft formula can be reapplied without flaking. TO BUY: $28; patmcgrath.com.

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CoverGirl Lash Blast Active Mascara It won’t melt away during errands but still comes off easily at night. Twenty-four hours of sweatresistant volume, right here. TO BUY: $7; target.com.

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L’Oréal Paris Voluminous Lash Paradise Waterproof Mascara The wavy brush packs 200-plus bristles to catch every hair for optimal flutter, and the formula won’t wash away during a tear-jerking movie or wedding. TO BUY: $10; cvs.com.

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The Essential T H AT B A S I C I N Y O U R C L O S E T I S M O R E V E R S AT I L E T H A N Y O U T H I N K . THIS MONTH: HOW TO ST YLE A SILK BUT TON-UP FOR ANY O CC A SION By Flavia Nunez

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A structured accessory, like an asymmetrical wrap belt, brings a touch of surprise and texture to a ladylike outfit. TO BUY: Jerome Silk Midi skirt, $218; thecausecollection.com. Leather Wrap belt, $185; cuyana.com. Warp bracelets, $48 for 5; uncommonjames.com. Dororyth Bucket bag, $55; aldoshoes .com. Green Caged Flat mules, $50; zara.com.

Layer the unbuttoned top like a light jacket over a tank. Complete the laid-back look with artisan-inspired accessories. TO BUY: Brooklyn Jersey U-Neck tank, $58; michaelstars.com. Cristin Baby Blue Denim jeans, $118; us.mavi.com. Golden Butterfly Wing earrings, $16; whitestainless.com. Maison sunglasses, $294; hazecollection.com. ASOS Design Rattan Structured Basket bag, $56; us.asos.com. Bettina Mid heels, $148; jackrogersusa.com.

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A statement pant doesn’t have to be overwhelming. Just keep the other pieces neutral. TO BUY: Rhea pants, $180; bodenusa.com. Babaton for Aritzia Quincey jacket, $198; aritzia.com. Color Pop Versatile hoops, $69; stelladot.com. Lena choker, $233; the9thmuse.com. Jean clutch, $148; rebeccaminkoff.com. Gianni Bini Keaton Asymmetrical Cut-Out mules, $80; dillards.com.

Care for silk properly with the guide at realsimple.com/cleaningsilk.

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COURTESY OF DAN MEYERS/AMERICAN VISIONARY ART MUSEUM

American Visionary Art Museum, Baltimore

5 Art Museums That Will Change Your Perspective IF IT FEEL S HARD TO MAKE TIME FOR THINGS LIKE L O O K I N G A T A R T, H E R E ’ S W H Y Y O U J U S T M I G H T W A N T T O P U T A M U S E U M O N Y O U R T O - D O L I S T. By Erin E. Evans

M AY 2 0 1 9 R E A L S I M P L E

R E L AT I N G

The Underground Museum, Los Angeles This museum, which showcases diverse sets of artists, is incredible. In L.A.’s art scene—at the Getty Villa, at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art—there’s just more space for things. The Underground Museum has an amazing, open backyard. They play movies; there’s yoga. There’s the opportunity to slow down and take in all the work. It’s like the utopian ideal for what you hope to see, especially for a Black space. Many of us think about Black art and culture as operating from a space of deficit and not from a space of abundance. The airiness to this museum makes it feel like there’s so much possibility.

Amon Carter Museum of American Art, Fort Worth, Texas Decades later, I’m still not over my first visit to the Amon Carter Museum. I was a junior in high school, and it was my first time seeing the work of my favorite artist, Mary Cassatt, in person. The women she depicted felt real to me; Cassatt captured moments of exquisite tenderness between mothers and children. She saw what the men around her couldn’t, and she put what she saw on canvas. She earned her place in what was widely considered a man’s sphere—and once she was there, she won the deep respect and admiration of her peers. The day I first saw her work in person, she won mine too. MELINDA GATES IS A PHIL ANTHROPIST AND THE AUTHOR OF THE MOMENT OF L IF T: HOW EMP OWERING WOMEN CHANGES THE WORLD. SHE LIVES IN THE SE AT TLE ARE A .

KIMBERLY DREW IS AN INDEPENDENT CURATOR AND WRITER BASED IN NE W YORK CIT Y.

3 4

Salar Jung Museum, Hyderabad, India My parents took me to this museum when I was 7. The tiny Indian Mughal miniature paintings, from around the 18th century, struck me the most. They depict court life, with the emperor on the hunt or surrounded by his counsel, dancing girls, or visitors. They blend cultures: Persian, Indian, and European. I was this Indian kid living in America, and seeing that blending of cultures made into art felt profound. It helped me understand that I could create an image of my life in the way I wanted. SAMIRA AHMED IS A NEW YORK T IMES BEST-SELLING AUTHOR. HER SECOND BO OK , INTERNMENT, WAS RELE ASED IN MARCH. SHE LIVES IN CHICAGO.

El Museo del Barrio, New York City I always come back to El Museo del Barrio. It was important to my family when I was growing up because it was bilingual, and my mom and I could both access it. It felt like a real community space in a way other museums often don’t: We’d take art classes and attend workshops. When I was a kid, part of me wanted to be a visual artist. But later, I realized I could create images with language. Time and again, El Museo del Barrio reminded me that there’s not a single story or perspective within cultural or ethnic identities. The museum affirmed for me that Latinx people are complex and our stories are as well. ELIZABETH ACEVEDO IS A D OMINICAN AMERICAN P OE T AND AUTHOR. HER SECOND NOVEL , W I TH THE F IRE ON HIGH, WILL BE AVAIL ABLE MAY 7.

7 4 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 1 9

American Visionary Art Museum, Baltimore Whenever I want to push the reset button, I visit the American Visionary Art Museum. For over 23 years, AVAM, as we call it in Baltimore, has provoked visitors to radically reframe how they define virtuosity, rigor, and aesthetic value. Here the canon is not just expanded but exploded by self-taught artists who work with everyday materials and castoffs—matchsticks and glass shards, bottle caps and knitting yarn. And their creations are eyeopening: What I might have once called trash has become treasure, and transcendent. My favorite piece at AVAM is its treelike central staircase by rescued-object artist David Hess; look closely and you’ll see a casting of a stray foam cup within its branches. That sums up why I love AVAM, where I’m always reminded that art is everywhere. And, in exacting and inspired hands, everything can be art. ANN HORNADAY IS THE CHIEF FILM CRITIC AT THE WASHINGTON P OST. SHE LIVES IN BALTIMORE.

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Important Risk Information Do not use INTRAROSA vaginal inserts if you have vaginal bleeding that has not been checked by your healthcare provider. Before using INTRAROSA vaginal inserts, tell your healthcare provider about all of your medical conditions, including if you:

The most common side eﬀects of INTRAROSA vaginal inserts are vaginal discharge and changes on Pap smear. These are not all of the possible side effects of INTRAROSA vaginal inserts. Call your doctor for medical advice about side effects. You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit fda.gov/medwatch or call 1-800-FDA-1088. Please see accompanying Brief Summary on next page.

• Have, have had, or think you may have had breast cancer. Prasterone, an ingredient in INTRAROSA vaginal inserts, is changed in your body to estrogen. Estrogen medicines are not for use in women who have, have had, or think they may have had breast cancer. INTRAROSA is a registered trademark of Endoceutics, Inc. All trademarks and registered trademarks are the property of their respective owners. Distributed by AMAG Pharmaceuticals, Inc. 1100 Winter Street, Waltham, MA 02451 © 2019 AMAG Pharmaceuticals, Inc. All rights reserved. PP-INR-US-00546 02/19

Consumer Brief Summary of Information About INTRAROSA® (prasterone) 6.5 mg Vaginal Inserts This summary contains risk and safety information for patients about INTRAROSA. It does not include all the information about INTRAROSA and does not take the place of talking to your healthcare provider (HCP) about your medical condition or treatment. What is INTRAROSA vaginal inserts? INTRAROSA vaginal inserts are a prescription medicine used in women after menopause to treat moderate to severe pain during sexual intercourse caused by changes in and around the vagina that happen with menopause. It is not known if INTRAROSA vaginal inserts are safe and effective in children. Do not use INTRAROSA vaginal inserts if you have vaginal bleeding that has not been checked by your healthcare provider. Before using INTRAROSA vaginal inserts, tell your healthcare provider about all of your medical conditions, including if you: •

•

have, have had, or think you may have had breast cancer. Prasterone, an ingredient in INTRAROSA vaginal inserts, is changed in your body to estrogen. Estrogen medicines are not for use in women who have, have had, or think they may have had breast cancer. are pregnant or plan to become pregnant. INTRAROSA is only for use in women who are past menopause. It is not known if INTRAROSA vaginal inserts will harm your unborn baby. are breastfeeding or plan to breastfeed. INTRAROSA vaginal inserts are only for use in women who are past menopause. It is not known if INTRAROSA passes into your breast milk.

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See the INSTRUCTIONS FOR USE at the end of the full Prescribing Information at www.intrarosa.com for detailed instructions about the right way to use INTRAROSA vaginal inserts.

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Use INTRAROSA vaginal inserts exactly how your healthcare provider tells you to use it.

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Place 1 INTRAROSA vaginal insert in your vagina one time each day at bedtime, using the applicator that comes with INTRAROSA vaginal inserts.

What are the possible side effects of INTRAROSA vaginal inserts? The most common side effects of INTRAROSA vaginal inserts are vaginal discharge and changes on Pap smear. These are not all of the possible side effects of INTRAROSA vaginal inserts. Call your doctor for medical advice about side effects. You may report side effects to FDA at 1-800-FDA-1088. What are the ingredients in INTRAROSA vaginal inserts? Active ingredient: prasterone Inactive ingredient: off-white hard fat (Witepsol) For more information, go to www.intrarosa.com or call 1-877-411-2510.

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INTRAROSA is a registered trademark of Endoceutics, Inc. All trademarks and registered trademarks are the property of their respective owners. Distributed by AMAG Pharmaceuticals, Inc. 1100 Winter Street, Waltham, MA 02451 © 2019 AMAG Pharmaceuticals, Inc. All rights reserved. PP-INR-US-00546 02/19

R E L AT I N G

Good Read

Putting Down Roots A R E A L E STAT E C O M M I T M E N T P H O B E , J OA N N E R A M O S WA S H A P P Y T O R E N T I N

B LU E C O L L ECTO R S / STO C K SY

C A S E T H E N E X T T H I N G C A M E A L O N G. T H E N T H E P E R F E C T L I ST I N G D I D.

R E L AT I N G

my husband dreamed of owning a house in the countryside for weekend getaways. He’s from North Carolina, and I grew up in Wisconsin—and while we both love living in New York City, we often long for the renewal of the outdoors. Over the decade and a half of our marriage, my husband and I have rented an assortment of temporary refuges in rural New York and Connecticut: houses next to lakes, cabins in the woods, modern constructions of cement and glass, and a plumcolored Victorian that smelled of cat litter and incense. Every so often, over the years, my husband has approached me, trying to mask his excitement: “I found a house for sale in our budget and—” Before he could continue, my jaws would clench, a visceral reaction to the thought of homeownership, which seemed so overwhelmingly… permanent. I liked renting: It was low-stakes and low-commitment. I’ve always felt physically untethered. I was born in the Philippines, and my family moved to Wisconsin when I was 6. And while I spent the rest of my childhood there, in a small city on the coast of Lake Michigan, I always knew I would leave. My parents raised me, as many immigrant parents raise their children, to “make it” in the world—wherever that would take me. They encouraged me to apply to an Ivy League university out east, even though it meant they’d have to shovel deep into their savings and I’d take on debt. They cheered my moves to New York City and Boston and London for various jobs, even as my successes guaranteed I’d make a life far from them. So when my husband announced, several years ago, that he’d found “our” house, I was characteristically resistant. And then I saw it. The house was a farmhouse built in the early 1800s and composed of a warren of rooms, with one working shower—a far cry from our modern, loftlike apartment in Manhattan. The 99-year-old matriarch who had lived in the home for over 60 years had passed away, and the grounds were overrun with brambles and wayward bushes the size of trees. I’m not someone who gets excited about decorating, much less big home-improvement projects. But the house resonated with me. I liked that it was sweet, rather than grand. I was drawn to its quirks. The low ceilings that would have been a nonstarter for me in the city seemed cozy in the country; the ladder built into the wall that led to the bat-filled attic was oddly perfect, lined with leather-bound books. Above all, there was a warmth to the place. An almost palpable sense that it had been loved and filled with love. Over the weeks, images of the house kept popping up in my head: The towering sugar maple tree that cried out for a rope swing. The sagging shelves in the study that would be perfect for our excess books. The way the slope of the land seemed to hold that old house in its embrace. And though I remained terrified about the permanence of owning, I was also, tentatively, open to it. Around this time, I joined my first book club. One of our initial reads was a wonderful memoir by the photographer Sally Mann, called Hold Still. I was struck by Mann’s descriptions of her family farm in Virginia. Its landscape, and the river that wound through it, were characters in the book, every bit as important as the narrator herself. I remarked to my book group that a physical place had never had that sort of hold on me. FOR MANY YEARS,

In answer, one by one, the women in the group spoke about the places that they loved, and that were lodged inside of them. I rode the subway home that night wondering why I’d never felt an attachment of this kind, if that was why I’d always felt so boxed in by the idea of owning a house. Was it because I was an immigrant, the child of parents who broke with their homeland for a better life? Was it because I was raised, as immigrant children often are, to aim high and move on to bigger and better things? Did it matter? at least on my part, we bought the house. We learned from our broker that the late owner’s granddaughter—who’d spent her childhood summers there—was sad about its sale, even as she knew it was the right decision. I wrote her an email. In it, I said it was clear the house had been loved for many years, and I promised our family would love it too. I invited her to visit anytime she was on the East Coast, attaching a picture of our children swinging monkeylike from one of the trees in the yard. We began an email correspondence. On move-in day, my family found a stack of faded snapshots on a table downstairs—of the barn when horses still whinnied in its stalls, of the house before trees encroached upon it. Alongside the stack was a handwritten note from the granddaughter addressed to my children. She wrote that her late father, an important conservationist, first fell in love with nature while roaming the fields and forests around the property as a kid. She hoped my children would pass many good hours in those same fields and forests. W I T H S O M E T R E P I DAT I O N ,

Start the day with delicious strawberry ﬂavor.

P E T E R A R D I TO

NEW!

A collection of vintage photographs of the author’s property. The photos were given to her by the previous owner’s granddaughter.

R E L AT I N G

The author and her husband repaired a fallen stone wall on their property with their children, pictured below.

Through our correspondence, I started to feel a sense of continuity between her family and ours, a circle that encompassed us both. And so my husband and I kept some things unchanged. The desk at which I write and the crystal glasses we use at meals are hand-me-downs, props shared across generations and two families. The books we brought from the city sit alongside battered tomes that have lived in the house for over half a century. In a recent email exchange, the granddaughter told me she was putting the finishing touches on a book she made for my children, comprising pictures of and stories about the property over the years. Slowly, we started to make the place our own. There’s new furniture in many of the rooms and new paint on the walls. There’s a dad-andkid-constructed American Ninja Warrior–style jungle gym in the shed that once housed farm machinery. As a family, we rebuilt a fallen stone wall near the forest—an imperfect job that is exactly right because of its imperfections. in the house by myself was half a year after we bought it. A friend was supposed to join me for a “writing retreat” but had to cancel at the last minute. The house wasn’t yet home, despite the T H E F I R S T T I M E I S TAY E D

COURTESY OF JOANNE RAMOS (2); COURTESY OF PENGUIN RANDOM HOUSE

I’m still hungry to learn and grow, but the idea that moving up in the world means constant motion has lost its resonance. imprints we’d made on it, and the city dweller in me was anxious. There were so many easily breached ground-floor windows! The nearest neighbors were half a mile away! I jumped at every clank of the old heater and creak of the shifting house, uneasy within its walls. The solitude did the trick, though. I got more writing done in two isolated days than I would have in eight days in the city. I returned the following week and many other weeks that late fall and early winter. Over time, I stopped noticing the house’s groans and grunts. I started venturing outside for walks, first within a stone’s throw of the house, soon farther afield. I came to know the land—where it rose to a wide clearing with pretty views, where a half-frozen creek petered out into swamp. Life got busy. I was overwhelmed by a big deadline and antsy for the quiet of the country, but for weeks, my and the kids’ schedules kept me in the city. Finally, I managed to arrange a sneak visit. I fled New York like someone uncaged. When I arrived at the house, it was late afternoon. I left my overnight bag in the car and immediately walked to the large field where, some mornings, we spy a family of deer or wild turkeys. The ground under my feet was frozen, the Catskills purplish behind the trees’ bare branches. I love this place, I realized. I feel part of this place. ABOUT When I first told my mother about the house, I joked that T H E AU T H O R I was attempting a return to childhood. The area did remind Joanne Ramos’s me of Wisconsin—the scattered dairy farms, the open fields debut novel, and open sky. And yet I never hankered for Wisconsin the The Farm, will be published May 7. way I did for this house and this land. She previously Part of it, I think, is a function of time. Growing up in worked in Wisconsin, I was young and hungry: a straight, quivering finance and as a staff writer for arrow aimed somewhere “better.” Now, in my 40s, I’m the Economist. still hungry to learn and grow, but the idea that moving up She lives in in the world means constant motion has lost its resonance. New York City with her family. In fact, I’ve begun to sense that, maybe, it’s in the loops of life—its deepening circles, and not the forward thrust of “progress”—that fulfillment lies. I don’t think finding a physical place to love is necessary to live a full life. I believe it’s possible to ground yourself in different geographies, defined by the people you love or a life’s passion. Yet the feeling that descended on me that day in the field and in many days since—peace, but more than that; belonging—is grounding in a way that is difficult to describe. I suppose it’s the feeling of homecoming.

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R E L AT I N G

Modern Manners R E A L S I M P L E ’ S E T I Q U E T T E E X P E R T, C AT H E R I N E N E W M A N , O F F E R S HER BEST ADVICE ON YO U R S O C I A L Q UA N DA R I E S.

K.M. ASKS…

I grew up in a quiet family, whereas my husband and his brothers (and my partly deaf mother-in-law) seem to be practically yelling at all times, always happily. I’ve always been sensitive to noise, but since a recent medical incident, my hearing has been even more sensitive. My in-laws don’t seem to understand how much it bothers me. My husband knows but is sensitive about feeling that he is “too loud.” How can I delicately alleviate a problem I can’t solve on my end so I won’t resent the time I spend with my (truly beloved) in-laws?

8 2 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 1 9

It seems that many people today do not know the proper etiquette for interacting with a service dog and its owner. Could you share your suggestions for the best way to do this and avoid uncomfortable situations?

ABOUT C AT H E R I N E The author of One Mixed-Up Night, Catastrophic Happiness, and Waiting for Birdy, Catherine Newman has shared her wisdom on matters ranging from family and friends to happiness and pickling in numerous publications. She gets advice from her husband and two opinionated children in Amherst, Massachusetts.

Service dogs are working animals. They have to stay focused on what they’re doing— taking care of their person—the same way that, say, a lifeguard does. Speak to the person first if you want to interact with their dog, and follow any instructions they give you, including not to interact. But remember that the person is in the middle of their day and might not have the time or inclination to talk to you. My friend Linda, who trains service dogs, says, “Some people really enjoy having folks meet their dog and chat about the dog’s work. Others, not so much.” She also advises dog owners to create space between their own dog and a service dog: “The service dog is not allowed to play, so switch your dog to the other side, take another path, or at the very least, make sure you have good control over your dog.”

I l l u s t r a t i o n s b y Yo c o N a g a m i y a

C AT H E R I N E N E W M A N I L L U S T R AT I O N B Y U L I K N Ö R Z E R

Hooray for beloved in-laws! But too bad about the noise. If it weren’t for the parenthetical “partly deaf mother-in-law,” I might simply recommend that you ask your boisterous family to tone it down a little. But her hearing issue and your medical one make for a tricky situation, volume-wise. Can you meet in the middle? Perhaps your husband could talk to his mom about hearing aids, and then you could mention your sensitivity more directly. They’re a loud family, it’s true, but one accustomed to accommodating hearing issues. In the meantime, you could try wearing earplugs. Or consider my 15-year-old daughter’s observation: “Sometimes when I have a hat pulled down over my ears I can’t really hear what you’re saying.” (Good to know!) If a thick beanie isn’t your style, find a quiet place to take an occasional rest from the ruckus.

B.S. ASKS…

T. K . A S K S …

We were overjoyed to be invited to a new neighbor’s party. After hours of fun, they ran out of vodka. My husband dashed home for our stash of three bottles of good vodka to keep the party going. They thanked us and continued being gracious hosts. I wrote them a thankyou note and received an invitation to the next party. Should they have replaced our emergency offering? Should I forget it? Keep in mind, the party hosts are in a much more fortunate financial position than we are. I’m moving to your neighborhood. That sounds like a great situation, and—lucky you—you know it. So let the vodka go. I mean, I realize it’s gone already, but don’t force yourself to feel put out. (In my house, we call that “hurting your own feelings.”) Your new friends may well have considered replacing the bottles but worried it would offend you. Or, less charmingly, they have that total oblivion about money that the wealthy occasionally suffer from. Or, less likely, they secretly hoped everyone would go home after the booze ran out. Whatever the case, they were generous to host, and you were generous to contribute from your stash. Win-win.

M . F. A S K S …

I am single and 39, and I just bought my first apartment. It was a huge accomplishment, and it’s fabulous, big enough for a housewarming party! I’m wondering if it would be looked down upon to send a housewarming registry to those I invite. I’ve been to countless showers, both for weddings and babies, and it’s amazing how much I would have acquired if I were married, but there are no husband prospects for me yet, and I don’t have enough basics, like forks and hand towels. Is it totally greedy to register? Congratulations! Given how excited I am for you as a complete stranger, I can only imagine how delighted your friends are. I’m sure they’ll be thrilled to have an occasion to celebrate and support you—and yes, to buy you a present after all you’ve given them. So do register for the gifts you hope to receive, and tell your guests about the registry, since many will be grateful for the clarity and direction. And just as a wedding is more about the occasion and the community than the stuff, you can communicate the same about your housewarming: “I’m still trying to acquire the household things I need, so I’ve created a gift registry. Here’s the link if you’re so inclined. Mostly I just can’t wait to have you all in my new house! That’s what will make it feel like home to me.” And it will.

HAVE AN E TIQUE T TE QUE STION? Submit your social conundrums to modernmanners@realsimple.com. Selected letters will be featured on these pages every month.

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R E L AT I N G

Pet Tricks H AV E A S O FA S C R AT C H E R O R C O R D B I T E R O N Y O U R H A N D S ? K E E P Y O U R P E T ( A N D Y O U R T H I N G S ) S A F E W I T H T H E S E S O L U T I O N S F O R A P E T- F R I E N D LY H O M E.

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Think Like an Animal

Safeguard Your Home

Tire Them Out

Step into your pet’s shoes—er, paws—to consider her needs. Felines are both predator and prey, so they appreciate a perch, such as a cat tree or empty bookshelf near a window, where they can observe their surroundings. If you leave your windows open, make sure they’re outfitted with screens to prevent curious critters from escaping. Keep candles out of reach and block the fireplace with a folding screen. Before introducing a new plant into your home, double-check that it’s pet-safe in case your pal decides it looks like a snack.

Remove dangerous temptations. Secure loose cords to baseboards or protect them with a cover. Rubber bands and string can wreak havoc on your pet’s digestive system, so stow them in a drawer or closed container. If you own a bird, eliminate any kitchen supplies with Teflon. When heated, the material emits a toxin that can damage your bird’s respiratory tract.

If your pet is bored, he’s more likely to find something of yours to entertain himself with (such as that new pair of shoes). He may also wake you with pent-up energy during the night, so give him enough activity and stimulation throughout the day. Dogs should generally go on at least two 20-minute walks a day, though it depends on breed and age. Keep in mind that some pets are nocturnal, so if you don’t want a night owl shuffling around while you’re getting some shut-eye, try situating him in another room overnight. continued on page 88

M AY 2 0 1 9 R E A L S I M P L E

YOU CARE ABOUT WHAT GOES IN HER FOOD.

R E L AT I N G

Pet Helpers

Pet-Proof the Backyard Not all pets should go outside, but if yours does, take a few precautions. Store fertilizer and sharp lawn tools in a sealed container or secure garden shed. To keep your dog in the yard, make sure your fence covers the entire perimeter and is high enough that he can’t jump over it. Inspect it regularly for exposed nails or splinters that could harm your pet. If you’re worried about a sneaky animal escaping, consider attaching a GPS tracking device to her collar so you can view her activity and location. And always provide fresh water so she doesn’t get dehydrated or drink from a sketchy source.

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So You Need to Deliver Bad News... THERE’S A RE A SON MANAGERS O F T E N AV O I D G I V I N G N E G AT I V E F E E D B AC K — I T ’ S U N C O M F O RTA B L E A S HECK. LE ARN THE SECRETS TO O F F E R I N G C O N ST RU C T I V E ADVICE (HINT: IT’S NOT THE COMPLIMENT SANDWICH). P R O P S T Y L I N G B Y H E AT H E R G R E E N E

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Give feedback quickly but not immediately. Don’t wait for an annual review to call out areas of improvement. Bring attention to issues swiftly so the details are fresh in your minds. A day after an incident is the sweet spot; having a bit of time quells toohot emotions and lets you prepare and be more thoughtful with your words. “In the moment, both parties will have a stronger, less helpful reaction,” says Jennifer Porter, managing partner of the Boda Group, a leadership- and team-development firm. Annual or quarterly reviews should cover goals and focus on future-looking feedback—for example,

9 2 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 1 9

what someone needs to do more or less of to advance their career (“If you were to become more proficient in data analytics, I can see you leaping to the next level”).

Remember your intention. Think about why you want to share feedback in the first place. “You’re doing this because you want to help the person succeed,” says Porter. At the time, it may feel less benevolent than that—you might think you just need to curb bad habits or fix sloppy work—but any kind of feedback helps your team learn and grow. You also

want to earn their trust. “If you don’t deliver the feedback, someone else will and might not do as good a job as you would have,” says Freyan Billimoria, director of people operations at Skillshare, an online learning community. During the conversation, express your intention. Say, “I’m telling you this because I care about you, and I want you to be as effective as possible.”

Think about the content, not the delivery. Many managers worry about how they’re going to soften the blow instead of what they’re going to say,

BAL ANCE

Use fewer words.

says Porter. “That’s like preparing to give a speech and focusing on what you’ll wear rather than the content of your presentation,” she notes. Ask yourself, “What’s my core message? What do I hope this person takes away from the conversation? What do I want to happen next?” Write down what you’ll say and practice in the shower or on a trusted coworker. Zero in on the behavior or action, rather than discussing feelings, and give concrete examples, like “I noticed you interrupted people six times in that meeting” (versus “You’re being rude to coworkers”).

Start with a question. The discussion should be a dialogue, not a monologue. Say, “I’d love to have a conversation with you to share some feedback. Is that OK?” It’s human nature to say yes, but by asking permission, you may strengthen the relationship, says Porter. Another tactic: Have the other person lead the conversation. Say, “I’d love to talk to you about x. What do you think went well? What do you think didn’t?” Give your employee time to respond. “In many cases, they already know where they’re falling short,” says Fran Hauser, author of The Myth of the Nice Girl. “When you frame the conversation as a collaboration instead of a criticism, the tone is more supportive.”

Be as specific as possible. Vague or clichéd phrases (“You need to work on your executive presence”) or sugarcoated feedback is confusing for the listener, increasing the likelihood that they’ll miss your point entirely. “If you use 100 words to say someone missed a deadline, you’re overexplaining,” says Porter. And once you load up on filler words and softeners (“I know you’re overworked”), the feedback begins to feel personal and bias can creep in, says Billimoria. Instead, get to the point and mention what you observed. Say, “I noticed we missed the deadline for the last two reports. What happened?”

Don’t water down your message. The common habit of sandwiching negative feedback between two slices of praise may be instinctive, but it’s one of the biggest mistakes managers make, says Billimoria. Hiding feedback inside throwaway compliments takes the power out of your words. “People see it coming; then they’ll

dismiss the positive, wait for the negative, and won’t trust what you have to say,” says Porter. What you can do to be kind but direct: Express the feedback positively, says Hauser. Say, “A lot is going well, but I have constructive feedback on some things that need improvement,” or “I have some advice that might help you.”

Provide context. Why do you care if someone delivers work late? Or doesn’t format presentations perfectly? The answers may be obvious to you, but an employee needs to understand the why behind your feedback. Try to place specific notes inside the bigger picture—for example, “When our department is late with work, it affects other teams too,” or “When your financials look misaligned, it can give people a lack of confidence in your numbers.” Explaining why your feedback is important, says Hauser, can make it easier to deliver and hear.

The common habit of sandwiching negative feedback between two slices of praise may be instinctive, but it’s one of the biggest mistakes managers make.

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M AY 2 0 1 9 R E A L S I M P L E

Family Organizer BAL ANCE

You’ll wonder how you managed family life before Cozi. Be empathetic. Receiving critical comments is hard. “It doesn’t matter how skillful you are at delivering feedback. It still stings,” says Porter. Don’t be overly harsh, listen to the other person’s perspective, and stay calm. Also, avoid the word “you” if you can. “Subtle word choices can make the conversation feel like a dialogue rather than an attack,” says Hauser. For example, instead of saying, “This is what I think you could have done differently,” say, “This is what I think could have been done differently.”

Do it face-to-face. Delivering tough news via email or phone is tempting, but meeting in person (or via Skype or FaceTime) is more effective, says Hauser. It allows you to read each other’s nonverbal cues and emotional intent. “Being face-to-face is the only way to ensure that the other person can sense your compassion,” says Hauser. Also, if you can’t see your employee, it will be harder to discern whether they’re upset about or even paying attention to what you’re saying. “Sit up straight and maintain eye contact, no matter how difficult it may be,” says Hauser.

9 4 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 1 9

Have a follow-up plan. Close out the conversation with a discussion of next steps. Ask how you can be helpful and decide together when you should talk again (days, weeks, or months later, depending on the issue). Then check in after a day or two to see how the other person is feeling. It’s natural for the feedback receiver to walk away a little wounded from the conversation, even if it was a productive one, says Porter. “You have to give people time to process,” says Billimoria. “The key to strong relationships is looping back.” When you do, you’ll earn trust, which will make sharing feedback the next time easier.

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Remember to give ample praise too. Make delivering positive feedback part of your routine—don’t just squeeze it into unpleasant conversations. The point is not simply to placate people or give everyone a trophy; positive feedback is a professionaldevelopment tool. First of all, it’s constructive—it’s useful for people to know what they’re doing well so they can continue doing it. Second, it helps create a culture that’s more open to and tolerant of feedback, says Porter. Be specific here too. Say, “I really like the way you handled that challenge,” or “I appreciate that you spoke with other departments to get their buy-in.” And say it often. “For every piece of criticism, you should give at least five pieces of praise,” says Hauser. “This gets people to a place where they are craving feedback.”

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M a k i n g I t Wo r k

How do you find time for your pet when life gets busy? By Jane Por ter

JULIA WRIGHT, 57, RESPIRATORY THERAPY SUPERVISOR IN AUBURN, NE W YORK

JANINE SOMERS, 40, DIRECTOR OF MARKETING AT STONE WALL KITCHEN IN YORK , MAINE

9 8 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 1 9

I’ve had my Yorkie, Charlie, for a year now. Work gets busy, and I’m learning how to separate my work and home lives. Sometimes, as a single person, I find it tricky. I am always counting the hours to figure out how long he’s been left alone. When I go out of town, I have someone stay with him. I take him on longer walks to give him more attention when I know I’m going to be away. He’s brought so much joy to my life that I want to return it.

VEASNA KEO, 35, HIGH SCHO OL RESOURCE TE ACHER IN SAN DIEGO

I have three dogs at home, and all of them are seniors. The trick is keeping things as dependable as possible. They’ll have accidents, tear something up, or misbehave in some way if I’m gone for a big chunk of the day, so maintaining a regular schedule with them is important. They’re always fed at the same time. We go out at the same time. At a certain time of day, we have cuddles. I also make dog snacks a couple of times a month for them. If I know I’m going to be gone, I’ll make an extra batch of jerky snacks and spoil them a little bit before I go.

RJ GIB SON, 46, FREEL ANCE EDITOR AND TUTOR IN BUCKHANNON, WEST VIRGINIA

I have two children. We have two dogs and a cat, and my son has a lizard. I’m gone a lot: I own a salon in Orlando, work in a salon in New York City once a month, and go to Los Angeles often. My saving grace for my pets is my kids. When I’m traveling, I’ll use FaceTime with them and our dog Zeus. My husband set up cameras in the house that connect to our phones so we can see what the animals are up to when we aren’t there. We can talk to them over the speaker, and that comforts them.

SHERRY RATAY, 46, COLORIST IN ORL AND O, FLORIDA

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COURTESY OF SUB JECTS

I have one dog, who’s 6 and very demanding. Last September, I changed jobs, and my commute went from two minutes long to 45 minutes long. My solution to being away for longer periods was having somebody else come over and take her for a walk and spend time with her. I also put on an audiobook to play for her at home when I’m gone. I play a lot of Mary Poppins because it’s a four-hour book. For all I know, she hates it, but she can’t tell me!

I have two kids and four pets—two cats, a dog, and a blue-fronted Amazon parrot. My husband and I are huge animal lovers, and we treat our pets as family members. Having pets has been a great way to teach our kids about compassion and gentleness. Parrots need a lot of stimulation, so we moved our parrot into our bedroom, where we spend a lot of time. He gets to listen to music while we listen to music. If we are playing a game with the kids, he thinks he’s playing too, just because he’s in the room.

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L o o k i n g Fo r wa rd

The Less-Stress Guide to Money and Family I T ’ S A R E L I E F I F Y O U C A N T U R N T O FA M I LY I N A P I N C H — A N D Y O U W A N T T H E F E E L I N G T O B E M U T U A L . B U T M O N E Y A N D FA M I LY C A N B E A C O M B U ST I B L E M I X , S O H E E D T H I S E X P E RT A DV I C E . By Melanie Mannarino

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to follow when lending money to a family member: Assume they will never pay you back—and be OK with that. And here’s the first rule to follow when borrowing money from family: For crying out loud, pay them back. If everyone who ever borrowed or lent money followed those two rules, these next few pages could be filled with pictures of happy family members, smiling without a shred of guilt or resentment over their financial exchange. Unfortunately, money always seems to get uncomfortably personal. “When you lend money, there’s a power shift in the relationship,” says Megan McCoy, PhD, a licensed marriage and family theraHERE’S THE FIRST RULE

1 0 2 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 1 9

“If you think of the money you’ve lent as a gift, you will be free of resentment or weird feelings. It’s better for you to continue in your life without holding a grudge.”

pist in Manhattan, Kansas, and a board member of the Financial Therapy Association. “The lender becomes more powerful—you see yourself as more responsible. That puts the borrower in a one-down position, which can breed resentment.” A typical family loan might go like this, says McCoy: Someone asks you for money. You don’t really want to give it—you may even have judgments about why the borrower is in this predicament—but you

do anyway. Then you silently stew every time they show up at your house with a fancy latte or new shoes, and they act awkward and become resentful that you are “making” them feel uncomfortable (which may be more about perception than reality, but still). Next thing you know, months have elapsed, you’re still waiting for your money, they’re hoping you’ve forgotten about it, and there’s a rift in your relationship neither of you are happy about. “Money is a taboo topic—we don’t like to talk about it,” says McCoy. “But when a financial situation is unresolved, it becomes laden with

BAL ANCE

Discuss it with your partner.

meaning, a symbol of power and control and freedom.” Money can also be a relationship destroyer, she says. But it doesn’t have to be. We spoke with three financial experts, all of whom agreed on the following guidelines for familial lending and borrowing. Follow this advice and you should be able to help or be helped in a time of need—without suffering any permanent damage to your relationship.

Take time to think about it. You are under no obligation to say yes on the spot when a family member asks for money—no matter how dire their situation is. “Say, ‘I would love to be able to help you. Let me think about whether this is best for me,’ ” suggests certified financial planner Brittney Castro, CEO and founder of Financially Wise, a Los Angeles– based financial planning firm. “Pause and reflect before answering.” Taking even a few minutes gives you time to formulate key follow-up questions in your head. “Go into investigative mode,” says certified financial planner Hilary Hendershott, founder of Hendershott Wealth Management in San Jose, California. “You need to know how much they need, why they need it, and what their income expectations are now and for the future. Get a sense of whether they can repay you and what their timeline is for that.” Then take two to three days to respond.

Before you get back to the borrower with an answer, you need to consult your partner or spouse if you have one, says Hendershott—especially if the amount is substantial given your financial picture. How to tell whether it’s worth discussing? “I don’t need to talk with my husband if I buy someone lunch, so I probably don’t need to clear it with him if I lend that amount either,” she says. As with all difficult subjects, open communication is key, particularly if your partner isn’t as willing to write a check as you are. “If you can, sit down together and talk about your beliefs around money and the huge moments in your life that led to those beliefs,” says McCoy. “Then you can see each other’s perspective and have a deeper understanding of the emotional reaction your partner is experiencing in this moment that makes them feel scared or angry or powerless.” That said, if your partner is simply not on board with the loan, the deal is off. “Marriage is a financial partnership,” says Hendershott. “The partner who doesn’t want to lend likely has veto power.”

Trust your gut if it’s telling you to say no. The experts have your back on this one. In fact, both McCoy and Hendershott say that lending money is nearly always a bad idea. “Anytime you can say no, do so,” says McCoy. “Even if the person pays you back, you’ve opened a door that will never

close again. You become the bank—it changes how your relative looks at you and how you look at them.” The experts agree that there are two cases in which you should (gently but firmly) refuse: if you simply can’t afford it, or if the person has a history of borrowing from you or others and not repaying. “Is this a onetime hardship, or is running out of money a chronic pattern of behavior for this person?” asks Hendershott. Full disclosure: You probably won’t feel awesome after refusing the loan. Own those feelings, says Castro, and in the spirit of open communication, share them. “Next time you see that person, express how you feel,” she says. “Then tell them, ‘For me, right now, this is the best decision. I need to take care of myself, and I hope you understand that.’ ”

Don’t lend money you don’t have. That may sound obvious. But when the loving parents who changed your diapers and cleaned up your vomit and packed up the SUV to drive you to college are in a financial bind, it can seem logical—imperative, even—to get a cash advance on your credit card to help them. Don’t, says Hendershott. “If you can’t afford to help, say no. Your job is to make sure you’re on track to achieve your own financial goals. No one will care more about your money than you.”

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BAL ANCE

Do offer to help in other ways. Whether or not you fork over cash, focus on your loved one’s underlying financial issue and see if you can help address it, says Castro. “Help them find the resources they need or create a budget,” she suggests. “You can even offer to pay for a financial planner or a personalfinance course.” If you’re thinking, “Teach a man to fish…,” you’ve got the right idea. Addressing the underlying issue doesn’t just benefit your cashstrapped family member, says McCoy. It also helps you, by ensuring they don’t come knocking on your door in six months, looking for more money. “If you help them find a second job or get extra income or sign up for a budget app, then your relationship is safer.” And so is your bank balance.

Feel good about giving this gift. Yes, “gift.” There’s no other way to look at it, agree McCoy, Castro, and Hendershott: When you lend money to someone—even your closest, most trustworthy sibling— you must assume they will never pay you back and make your peace with that. “It would be nice to think they can and will repay you, and lots of people do,” says Castro. “But if you think of the money as a gift, you will be free of any resentment or weird feelings the next time you see them at a family party. It’s better for you to continue in your life without holding a grudge.”

If you’re hoping to borrow, come armed with a payback plan. Look, just because potential lenders should think of the loan as a gift doesn’t mean borrowers should treat it as such. When you ask someone you love and trust to give you their money, it’s a sign of respect (for them and for yourself) to present a thought-out repayment schedule. “Do all the hard work for them,” says McCoy. “Have a real conversation about how the loan will get repaid and when. Once you start talking about money, it only takes about five minutes for the conversation to become less awkward, and you can talk about it like the numbers on paper that it really is.”

Read more on modern money etiquette at realsimple.com/moneyetiquette.

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Putting the loan terms in writing can go far to promote peace of mind and reduce resentment. Draw up a contract, suggests Hendershott— either make a Word document or download a promissory-note template specific to your state (google “promissory note template NJ,” or whatever your state’s abbreviation is). Make sure the contract includes the names of the people involved, the loan amount, the payment schedule, and the interest rate (the rate must be at least the IRS-approved minimum, which can change monthly). Including an interest rate shows that the loan is not legally a gift, which can be subject to gift-tax reporting. “The document should be signed and copies kept by both parties,” says Hendershott. “It’s a way to officialize the transaction and put it in the business, rather than personal, realm.”

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“There are many awkward dynamics that could be created as a result of borrowing. But it’s your communication skills, outlook on life, and love for the other person that will help you through it.”

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This is a toughie—on both sides. Lending money to a relative does not give you a free pass to criticize their spending going forward. Yes, your sister might buy a new lipstick; yes, your parents might start planning next year’s vacation. “Don’t expect them to change their money behaviors,” advises Castro. “Let them be free to do whatever they want with the money, and don’t judge them for it. You need to see that person on their own journey and bring compassion, love, and acceptance to the table.” Hendershott emphasizes that the best way to let go of toxic, judgmental feelings is to remind yourself you gave a gift, not a loan—even if it appears your child is blowing your “gift” on new shoes. “It goes back to: Can you afford the money? Can you gift it generously, benevolently? Can you bless it and let it go?” says Hendershott. “If yes, then you can avoid that super-uncomfortable relationship, judging what people are spending.” Likewise, if you’ve borrowed, curb the instinct to assume that, since your relative clearly has more money than you do, you’re entitled to some of it (or entitled to not pay it back). “There can be this expecta-

tion of ‘Well, you have it, so why can’t I have some of it?’ ” says Hendershott. “There are many awkward dynamics that could be created as a result of borrowing. But it’s your communication skills, outlook on life, and love for the other person that will help you through it.”

Stick to the payback plan—or revise it if needed. It bears repeating: When you ask a family member for a loan, treat it as a loan. Adhere to the payback schedule. And if you can’t, start looking at plan C (because borrowing from a family member was already plan B). “If you’re considering taking on credit card debt to pay back a personal loan, something has gone very wrong with your plan,” says Hendershott. “Instead, renegotiate the terms with your relative so you can keep your promise to pay.” If that’s not enough, she says, “get a part-time job, sell some physical belongings, ask for a raise.” You’ll be glad you did, for the sake of your relationship with your family—and your peace of mind.

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PIER/GET T Y IMAGES

Ahhh... When we sit for long periods, we can feel sluggish and mentally dull. Here is a way to invigorate yourself in 10 seconds. Spread your fingers wide and make a grabbing action as if you were trying to catch flies. Do this quickly 10 times. Then do the reverse—flick your fingers out as if you were flicking water off your fingertips. If you are in public, you can do this underneath a table or your desk. If you are alone, do this while moving your arms up and down as if you really were catching flies, which will boost your circulation. —CYNDI LEE, cyndilee.com

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A GARDEN FOR A N Y S PA C E Four garden plans that you—yes, you, with the thumb of any color—can plant this spring to get the greenery you want, without having to dig up your whole yard. BY ELIZ ABE TH JARDINA I L LU ST R AT I O N S BY L E S L E Y B U C K I N G H A M

s there any spot more glorious than the garden center in fully blooming spring? The parking lot, empty throughout the winter months, teems with cars, soon to be brimming with flowers and optimistic visions of the perfect garden. This is the year to bring your vision to life. The fastest route to a satisfying garden experience is container gardening. You can brighten up a patio, deck, or porch with no backbreaking labor required. Just shop for plants, pots, and soil; assemble your design; and watch your greenery grow. Whether you want to dress up the front of your home or create a kitchen garden packed with fresh ingredients, we have a container plan to set you in the right direction.

LUSH WIND OW BOXES T H E F O R M U L A : Two reblooming annuals in the same color family + a neutral filler T H E C O N TA I N E R : Polyethylene boxes are lightweight but look substantial. Built-in reservoirs give you wiggle room when it comes to watering. Our pick: Fairfield window box, from $120; gomayne.com.

Window boxes are not the place for tricky, occasional blooms. The flowers need to look good throughout the season, even when subjected to punishing, all-day sunlight. And anything attached to the front of your home is a multiseason commitment, so make sure the box fits with your architecture and taste. Choose flowers in warm colors (red, orange, yellow) or cool ones (pink, purple, maroon) and select no more than three kinds of plants to repeat down the box to keep it cohesive. Think a peachy

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nemesia plus a yellow calibrachoa, both of which pump out blooms all summer with no deadheading required (for more on deadheading, see page 117). Add a white-blooming trailing plant, like Bacopa, to finish. Alternatively, pair purple petunias and verbenas with bright green sweet potato vine. Among outdoor greenery, “chartreuse functions as a neutral,” says Kerry Meyer, program director at the plant brand Proven Winners.

PLANT PICKS Full sun

NEMESIA

B A C O PA

S W E E T A LY S S U M

L A N TA N A

C A L I B R A C H OA

GER ANIUM

O RGA N I C L I V I N G WA L L THE FORMUL A:

Fluffy ferns + showstopping leaves + trailing gap fillers T H E C O N TA I N E R :

SWEET P O TAT O V I N E

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VERBENA

Good drainage is vital. Our pick: Wally Eco Vertical Garden Wall Planters, $60 for 4; wallygro.com.

C O U RT E SY O F P ROV EN W I N N ER S , P ROV EN W I N N ER S . C O M ( 6 ) ; B AC O PA A N D V ERB EN A : G E T T Y I M AG E S

L I G H T:

PLANT PICKS L I G H T:

Shade to part sun

MAIDENHAIR FERN

A S PA R A G U S FERN

IVY

G E T T Y I M AG E S ( 4 ) ; I V Y A N D LYS I M AC H I A : C O U RT E SY O F B A L L H O RT I C U LT U R A L C O M PA NY, B A L L H O RT. C O M

LY S I M A C H I A

Most living walls we see online require tons of care and don’t always age very well. Some plants die when others thrive, and it can take a lot of maintenance to keep everything looking lush. Vertical planters, hung close together, can give you a practical way to turn a shady wall into a pretty backdrop for alfresco get-togethers. Pick plants with a tropical feel—ones with feathery, dramatic foliage that will spill over the edge of planters. In a shady spot, try graceful ferns, delicate fuchsias, fleshy tuberous begonias, and caladiums with graphic leaves. With part sun, use fat spires of asparagus fern with trailing Lysimachia, fluffy chartreuse sedums, and sturdy succulents, like kalanchoe. Blending fine-textured plants with substantial succulents provides balance and keeps the eye moving from one plant to another. Be careful when watering ferns; they hate drying out but also shouldn’t be swimming.

B RO M E L I A D

JA D E

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A PLETHORA OF POTS THE FORMUL A:

Big flowers + small flowers + colored foliage with flair T H E C O N TA I N E R :

Rather than cramming plants into one big container, achieve a grander effect by grouping individually planted pots at the corner of the patio, at the edge of the deck, or on either side of the front door. No more worrying about pairing a thirsty tropical with a succulent that prefers life on the dry side; just water them separately. Keep your palette limited: Think a burgundy coleus and two pinks—like angelonias or verbenas and petunias. “Use a large container and plant it with some elbow room,” says Meyer. That means three to five vigorous plants for each 16to 18-inch pot. Depending on the plant, three might fill out quickly, while five can give an immediately fuller look. Choose pots that either match or are in the same color family; opt for neutrals for yearafter-year versatility. Pots of different sizes make arrangements more interesting, and odd numbers look more pleasing.

PLANT PICKS L I G H T:

DA H L I A

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ANGELONIA

Part sun or sun

C ALCEOL ARIA

AEONIUM

COLEUS

A RT E M I S I A

DA H L I A A N D A N G ELO N I A : C O U RT E SY O F P ROV EN W I N N ER S , P ROV EN W I N N ER S . C O M ; C O U RT E SY O F B A L L H O RT I C U LT U R A L C O M PA NY, B A L L H O RT. C O M ( 4 )

Large containers make a statement but get heavy fast. Resin, fiberglass, or polyethylene pots won’t have quite the old-world gravitas of pottery, but they will be easier to move. Our pick: Brunello planters, from $18; gardeners.com.

PLANT PICKS L I G H T:

Sun (mostly)

T H E C O N TA I N E R K I T C H E N THE FORMUL A:

Mediterranean perennials + basil + mint + parsley

T H E C O N TA I N E R :

A standing-height raised bed makes it a cinch to snip a bundle of herbs for dinner. Our pick: VegTrug Herb Garden Raised Bed, $150; williams-sonoma.com. Herbs are generally easygoing growers. In a large container (at least 10 inches deep), Mediterranean herbs, such as oregano, rosemary, sage, and thyme, can live happily together, especially if you regularly harvest the leaves to keep them from growing into each other. They like fastdraining soil, lots of sun, and not too much water. Basil, mint, and parsley, on the other hand, like damper conditions, so it’s best to put them in their own pots. Basil is an annual that is notorious for going to flower, or “bolting,” at which point its leaves are less tasty. Snip off flowers as the weather heats up and use the leaves liberally, or replace the plant a few times during the summer. (A four-inch starter typically costs about as much as a large bunch of the herb at the grocery store.) Keep in mind that mint has a reputation for running rampant through the garden—even in a pot, its roots can escape through the drainage hole.

GREEK OREGANO

RO S E M A RY

SAGE

H ERB S : C O U RT E SY O F B A L L H O RT I C U LT U R A L C O M PA NY, B A L L H O RT. C O M

THYME

MINT (part shade)

F L AT- L E A F PA R S L E Y

PRO TIP S FOR THE

PRETTIEST POTS Pick the right soil. Though it’s tempting—and free!— you can’t use dirt from the backyard in a pot. It’s too heavy, and your plants won’t thrive in it. Choose a bagged mix labeled for outdoor pots. These mixes of finely chopped bark, peat moss, and perlite or vermiculite are fluffy and light, and they allow air and water to move around your plants’ roots.

Choose cool, light containers.

Fertilize regularly.

When the sun is baking everything on the patio, that means it’s heating the leaves, soil, and roots of your plants. If you choose, say, a dark metal pot, you run the risk of cooking your container and its contents. Light-colored, double-walled planters give your patio companions a fighting chance. As for materials, terra-cotta and glazed earthenware pots look great but can be astonishingly heavy. Unless marked “frost-resistant,” they can also crack in very cold temperatures. Opt for resin, fiberglass, or polyethylene instead.

Even if your potting soil has fertilizer mixed in, you should still give your baby flora a regular feeding. No need to overthink this one; an all-purpose fertilizer with directions for container-grown plants will do just fine. Typically, fertilize once every six weeks according to package directions.

A pot that doesn’t drain is a pot that won’t thrive. For containers labeled “indoor/outdoor,” pop out the drainage hole before using them outside. Place a saucer under your pot to prevent staining your patio or porch.

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Don’t underestimate how heavy a loaded pot can be, even if it’s made of a lightweight material. For easy transport around the patio, use a wheeled pot mover. TO BUY: Patio Life 17-inch plant caddy, $26.50; lowes.com.

Look for “4-4-4” or “5-5-5” on the bag, which denotes all-purpose use. TO BUY: Jobe’s Organics All-Purpose Plant Food Fertilizer, $9; homedepot.com.

P RO D U CT I M AG E S C O U RT E SY O F M A N U FACT U RER S

It’s important to keep your tools clean. Wipe them with a cloth to remove water or mud and prevent rust. TO BUY: Forged Trowel, $59; thefloralsociety.com.

Keep ’em watered. In sunny weather, plan to water at least twice a week. During very hot, dry spells (or in very hot, dry climates), you may need to water every other day. Even succulents and other low-water selections won’t be happy in a bone-dry pot. Check soil moisture daily. If the soil is damp a couple of inches down, wait to water.

In greenhouses and nurseries, workers use rain-wand attachments to gently douse plants without disturbing soil. TO BUY: Dramm 30-inch One Touch Rain Wand, $30; amazon.com.

A balanced watering can with a long spout and a hefty reservoir makes watering a pleasure instead of a chore. TO BUY: Haws 1-Gallon Longreach Plastic Outdoor Watering Can, $43; hawswateringcans.com.

Groom your plants. Deadhead by trimming the stem below the flower or shearing off all dead blooms at once. This encourages bushy regrowth and will keep the plant from looking messy. If a plant starts to grow in a direction you don’t want, prune it with a light hand to give it shape. Never cut off more than a third of the plant at a time.

Excellent for precision deadheading, these scissorlike pruners are sharp, lightweight, and comfortable to use. TO BUY: Hydroponic Micro Snip, $15.50; shop.coronatools usa.com.

See common container garden mistakes—and solutions—at realsimple.com/gardenmistakes.

Get a pot to hold your hose when not in use. Avoid a crank-style wrangler, as it can flatten the hose and jam up water flow. TO BUY: Hose pot by Campania International, $219; wayfair.com.

The most precise way to water your containers will always be by hand. But if you are busy or forgetful or travel a lot, an automatic irrigation system plus a timer can keep your pots on a watering schedule. TO BUY: WaterWell Planters Dripper Kit, $40, and WaterEase Programmable Timer; $50; gardeners.com.

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by Ananda Eidelstein photographs by Greg DuPree

REAL SIMPLE

119

CHIC AGO-ST YLE DEEPDISH PIZZA WITH SMOKED MOZZ ARELL A ACT I V E T I M E 1 5 M I N U T E S TOTA L T I M E 1 H O U R , 2 5 M I N U T E S MAKES 1 PIZZA SERVES 4

3 Tbsp. unsalted butter, softened 1 Tbsp. fine yellow cornmeal 1 9-oz. ball Master Pizza Dough All-purpose flour, for work surface 4 oz. sliced deli mozzarella cheese 1 cup drained diced tomatoes 1 Tbsp. olive oil tsp. dried oregano tsp. kosher salt 2 cloves garlic, thinly sliced

-C H I C A G O - S T Y L E -D E E P - D I S H P I Z Z A-W I T H S M O K E D -M O Z Z A R E L L A-

3 oz. smoked mozzarella cheese, torn into bite-size pieces 2 Tbsp. grated pecorino Romano cheese oven to 425°F with rack in lowest position. Brush bottom and sides of a 10-inch cast-iron skillet with butter; sprinkle with cornmeal. PREHEAT

dough on a lightly floured surface. Flatten dough using fingertips and palm, starting from the center and working toward the edge. With hands at 10 and 2 o’clock, lift dough and rotate, moving hands around the edge, letting dough stretch to an 11-inch round. Transfer to prepared skillet; cover with a dish towel. Let rest at room temperature for 30 minutes.

MASTER PIZZA DOUGH ACT I V E T I M E 2 0 M I N U T E S TOTA L T I M E 1 H O U R , 3 0 M I N U T E S MAKES 1 GRANDMA PIE, 2 DETROIT PIES, 4 C H I CAG O P I E S , 4 N E A P O L I TA N P I E S , OR 4 ROMAN PIES

1 Tbsp. olive oil, plus more for brushing 1

cups warm water (about 110°F)

tsp. active dry yeast (from a -oz. envelope)

cups all-purpose flour, spooned and leveled, plus more for work surface 4 tsp. kosher salt 1 Tbsp. granulated sugar

minutes. Increase speed to medium; mix until dough makes a slapping sound against bowl and starts to climb up hook, about 5 minutes. Add flour, salt, and sugar to yeast mixture, stirring with a rubber spatula until incorporated. Transfer dough to a lightly floured surface and knead, flouring surface as needed, until smooth but slightly sticky, about 10 minutes. TO MIX DOUGH BY HAND:

dough to oiled bowl and turn to coat. Cover loosely with plastic wrap and place in a warm, draft-free area (on top of the refrigerator or in an off oven). Let rest until doubled in size, 1 to 1 hours. TRANSFER

punch down dough. For Grandma pie: Leave whole. For Detroit pies: Divide into 2 18-ounce pieces. For Chicago, Neapolitan, or Roman pies: Divide into 4 9-ounce pieces. GENTLY

a large bowl with oil; set aside. Whisk water and yeast in a large bowl. Let stand for 10 minutes. Mix in oil. BRUSH

Place yeast mixture in the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the dough hook. With mixer on low, gradually add flour, salt, and sugar; mix until no dry spots remain, about 2 TO MIX DOUGH WITH MIXER:

1 2 0 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 1 9

pieces into balls; use immediately or wrap individually in plastic wrap. Refrigerate for up to 2 days or freeze for up to 3 months. SHAPE

and press dough into bottom and up sides of skillet. Arrange mozzarella slices over bottom of dough, overlapping if needed. Mix tomatoes, oil, oregano, salt, and garlic in a bowl; spoon over sliced mozzarella and top with smoked mozzarella. UNCOVER

until crust is golden brown and pulls away from sides of skillet, 30 to 35 minutes. Top with pecorino Romano. Let cool for 10 to 15 minutes before slicing. BAKE

FOOD ST YLING BY CHEL SE A ZIMMER; PROP ST YLING BY CL AIRE SPOLLEN

PL ACE

-G R A N D M A-P I E W I T H-P E P P E R O N I A N D-P I N K S A U C E-

-N E A P O L I TA N - S T Y L E-M A R G H E R I TA P I Z Z A-

N E A P O L I TA N - S T Y L E M A R G H E R I TA P I Z Z A ACT I V E T I M E 2 0 M I N U T E S TOTA L T I M E 1 H O U R , 2 0 M I N U T E S MAKES 2 PIZZAS SERVES 4

GR ANDMA PIE WITH PEPPERONI A N D P I N K S AU C E

2 9-oz. balls Master Pizza Dough (page 120)

ACT I V E T I M E 10 M I N U T E S TOTA L T I M E 1 H O U R MAKES 1 PIZZA SERVES 8

All-purpose flour, for work surface 4 Tbsp. crushed tomatoes, divided

2 Tbsp. olive oil 1 recipe Master Pizza Dough (page 120) 1 cup crushed tomatoes 1 clove garlic, grated tsp. dried oregano, plus more for serving

dough balls on a baking sheet; cover with plastic wrap. Let rest at room temperature for at least 45 minutes and up to 2 hours. (This will make it easier to stretch.) PL ACE

tsp. kosher salt 12 oz. part-skim mozzarella cheese, shredded (about 3 cups) cup)

1 red onion, thinly sliced into rounds Crushed red pepper, for serving PREHEAT oven to 500°F with rack in lower third. Brush a large rimmed baking sheet with oil. Using your fingertips, stretch dough to corners of sheet. Cover with a dish towel; let rest at room temperature for 30 minutes.

tomatoes, cream, garlic, oregano, and salt in a bowl. MIX

dough; gently stretch to corners of baking sheet if it has shrunk. Spread tomato mixture evenly over dough. Top with cheese, pepperoni, and onion. UNCOVER

until cheese is melted and crust is golden, 18 to 20 minutes. Top with crushed red pepper and oregano. BAKE

4 oz. fresh mozzarella cheese, thinly sliced, divided Fresh basil leaves, for serving

2 Tbsp. heavy cream

3 oz. sliced pepperoni (

2 Tbsp. olive oil, divided

oven to 525°F with racks in uppermost and lowest positions. Lightly flour a work surface. Place 1 dough ball on surface (leave second ball covered); turn to coat in flour. Press firmly with fingertips and palm to flatten to an 8-inch round, starting from the center and working toward the edge. With hands at 10 and 2 o’clock, lift dough and rotate, moving hands around the edge, letting dough stretch to a 10-inch round. Transfer to a baking sheet. PREHEAT

2 tablespoons crushed tomatoes over dough, leaving a 1-inch border. Drizzle with 1 tablespoon oil and top with half the cheese. SPREAD

BAKE on lower rack until bottom of crust is browned (use a spatula to peek underneath), 7 to 9 minutes. Transfer to top rack; increase oven temperature to broil. Watching closely, broil until crust is lightly charred, 2 to 3 minutes. Remove from oven; top with basil.

with remaining dough and toppings. REPEAT

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-R O M A N - S T Y L E -P I Z Z A W I T H -P O TAT O A N D -R O S E M A RY-

-D E T R O I T- S T Y L E -P I Z Z A W I T H ROMAN-ST YLE PIZ Z A W I T H P O TAT O A N D R O S E M A RY

-S A U S A G E A N D -P E P P E R S

ACT I V E T I M E 2 5 M I N U T E S TOTA L T I M E 1 H O U R , 3 0 M I N U T E S MAKES 2 PIZZAS SERVES 4

2 9-oz. balls Master Pizza Dough (page 120) All-purpose flour, for work surface 6 oz. pecorino Romano cheese, grated (about 1 cups), divided 2 small Yukon Gold potatoes, unpeeled, very thinly sliced, divided 2 Tbsp. fresh rosemary leaves, divided tsp. kosher salt, divided 2 Tbsp. olive oil, divided, plus more for serving 2 cups ricotta cheese, divided Freshly ground black pepper, for serving PL ACE dough balls on a baking sheet; cover with plastic wrap. Let rest at room temperature for at least 45 minutes and up to 2 hours. (This will make it easier to stretch.)

oven to 500°F with rack in lowest position. Lightly flour a work surface. Place 1 dough ball on surface (leave second ball covered); turn to coat in flour. Press firmly with fingertips to flatten. Roll to a 14-by-11-inch oval with a rolling pin. Transfer to a baking sheet. PREHEAT

dough with half the pecorino Romano, leaving a -inch border around edge. Arrange half the potatoes, slightly overlapping, on top of cheese. Top with 1 tablespoon rosemary and teaspoon salt. Drizzle with 1 tablespoon oil. TOP

until edge and bottom of crust are golden brown (use a spatula to peek underneath), 10 to 12 minutes. Remove from oven. Dollop with 1 cup ricotta; drizzle with oil and top with several grinds of pepper. BAKE

REPEAT with remaining dough and toppings.

D E T R O I T- S T Y L E P I Z Z A W I T H S AUS A G E AND PEPPERS ACT I V E T I M E 1 5 M I N U T E S TOTA L T I M E 1 H O U R M A K E S 1 P I Z Z A S E R V E S 4 TO 6

2 Tbsp. unsalted butter, softened 1 18-oz. ball Master Pizza Dough (page 120) 1 Tbsp. olive oil 3 links sweet Italian sausage, casings removed 1 cup crushed tomatoes 1 clove garlic, grated

PREHEAT oven to 500°F with rack in middle position. Brush a 13-by-9-inch dark metal baking dish with butter. Using your fingertips, stretch dough to corners of dish. Cover with a dish towel; let rest at room temperature for 30 minutes. HEAT oil in a large skillet over medium-high. Add sausage and cook, breaking it up with a spoon, until browned, about 5 minutes; transfer to a bowl. Mix tomatoes, garlic, oregano, and salt in a separate bowl. Mix Cheddar and mozzarella in a third bowl.

4 oz. part-skim mozzarella cheese, shredded (about 1 cup)

UNCOVER dough; gently stretch to corners of baking dish if it has shrunk. Spread tomato mixture to the edge. Sprinkle half the cheese around the edge, making contact with the dish, and remaining cheese evenly over the middle. Top with sausage and banana peppers.

cup drained jarred sliced banana peppers

BAKE until edge of crust is golden brown and bubbly, 14 to 16 minutes.

tsp. dried oregano tsp. kosher salt 4 oz. sharp white Cheddar cheese, grated (about 1 cup)

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No Apologies Seven writers on the lies they tell, the truths they stopped believing, and the inhibitions they ’ve shed I L LU ST R AT I O N S BY A N N E B E N T L E Y

No Apologies

Fo r my white lie BY M A RY L AU R A P H I L P O T T

“I WISH I COULD!”

It’s my go-to response when turning down an invitation, but it’s not exactly true. Well, sometimes it is. For example, if you’re having people over to feed your baby goats, but I have to go out of town for work that day, I really do wish I could come to your farm. I’d rather do that than just about anything. But if you’ve invited me to a sportsthemed gathering or told me about an upcoming three-hour budget meeting, “I wish I could” is a lie. It’s a lie of omission, though, which is better than a regular lie. In a lie of omission, two people just assume different things about what’s left unsaid. When you hear “I wish I could,” your imagination might automatically complete my response as “I wish I could go to your makeup party/documentary screening/child’s talent show.” If that’s what you understand me to be saying, great. I may not want to go to your pottery exhibit (I really don’t), but I don’t want to make you sad either. So this works for both of us. If I’m being honest about how that sentence really ends, most of the time it means “I wish I could please you by

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doing the thing you’re asking me to do; however, I’m not going to do it.” I’d love to say I’m a reformed people pleaser, but I’m only reformed enough to say no to your charity auction (and send a check, of course—it’s a good cause!), not reformed enough to be explicitly clear and say, “I’d rather eat glass than attend a fundraiser on a Friday.” I admit it: I like being liked. Who doesn’t? It made me happy that, when a friend asked last week, “Come try my hot yoga class tomorrow?” and I answered, “I wish I could!,” she walked away smiling. Plus, who knows? Maybe I’ll be in the mood for hot yoga next time. Probably not, but I’ve left the window open for her to ask me again. All sorts of possibilities lie ahead of us. It’s possible, for instance, that I might ask her to brunch sometime and she won’t want to go—because she prefers sleeping in or she’s had enough socializing lately or she just hates mimosas. When she says, “I wish I could,” and lets her voice trail off at just the right moment, I won’t ask her to clarify. Have I ruined my fallback phrase by spilling the truth here? Nah. I’ll keep saying it with zero apologies, and maybe now you will too, and we’ll all give one another this graceful way out. We can grant each other kindness without enjoying all the same things—even if we wish we could. MARY L AURA PHILP OT T IS THE AUTHOR OF THE MEMOIR-IN-ES SAYS I MIS S YOU WHEN I BL INK.

No Apologies

Fo r h i t t i n g snooze BY ELIZ ABE TH SILE

W H E T H E R O R N O T you’re one to google things like the habits

of successful people, you have seen headlines such as “Why 4 a.m. Is the Most Productive Hour” (whatever you say, Wall Street Journal). Unless I’ve been forced to book a 7 a.m. flight, I’m still sleeping at 5, 6, 7 a.m.—until 7:30 a.m., when I begin to play a game of snooze chicken with my alarm. As you’ve gathered: I’m not a morning person. Don’t think I haven’t spent years trying to become one (and for the record, I’m not habitually late or burning the midnight oil). I’ve given up caffeine, tried alarm clocks with literal bells and whistles, headed to bed at 9 p.m., cut out screens. After years of trying to change—internalizing those articles’ views on success and productivity—I stopped. The fact is, I’m hardwired this way. The world doesn’t cater to late risers, but I’ve found some ways to cope (yes to lunch meetings; no to 8 a.m. coffee chats). And finally, I’m owning it. I’m a smart, reliable, and productive person all day—except first thing. ELIZ ABE TH SILE IS RE AL SIMPLE’S FE ATURES EDITOR.

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No Apologies

Fo r b e i n g vulnerable BY C A N D I C E C A RT Y- W I L L I A M S

I’ve known my closest group of friends since we were 18, but it was only this year that I was able to tell them how I actually feel when guys (inconsequential ones, usually) mess me around. These close friends—there are four of them, all excellent, woke white girls—and I talk to each other most days, but I threw them together into one group chat because we realized we were all just repeating ourselves by telling each other the same thing. In one digitally encrypted place, we talk about delayed trains, work woes, forgotten packed lunches, you name it. No subject is too mundane for the five of us. Nothing is off-limits either. We message about what kind of contraceptive methods are working best and discuss the best day in our menstrual cycles to use Thinx absorbent underwear. We spend hours texting about relationship breaks and breakups, and an obscene amount of time is spent tapping our thumbs frantically on our screens when it comes to bad dates and worse sex. You’re getting the picture: The floor is open. I’M ABOUT TO TURN 30.

We love to talk about everything. I don’t mind sharing my dating horror stories with anybody, let alone my closest friends. But when it came to how these encounters were really affecting me, I was completely, flat-out lying to my four closest friends. They had always allowed me to be myself. But I also wanted to be the strong black girl. That meant hiding how bad I felt. After a particularly shocking string of events with a friend of a friend I met last year, when asked what the latest update was, I quickly explained that I’d blocked him and would need one of them to hide me when we inevitably saw him out again. “Hahahaaaa don’t worry though, is what it is! Ha!” I typed out, my face dead straight, no trace of laughter on my lips. The next day, I took my phone out of my pocket and composed another message. “Hi girls. I actually feel really bad. I know I might seem like I can handle stuff, but actually every time a man makes me feel worthless and pointless, it just erodes my sense of who I am.” I took a deep breath and sent it. For the first time, I was honest. Within seconds, all four had replied with messages of love and support, with fierce, allied anger and threats of turning up at his house. If I’d known this would be the result, I might have been a different person by now. One less full of anguish and shame and sadness, maybe. But now that I know how good it feels to be open, to be vulnerable, to talk about the difficult subjects with as much ease as I talk about bikini waxing, life feels a whole lot fuller. CANDICE CART Y-WILLIAMS IS THE AUTHOR OF THE NOVEL QUEENIE.

No Apologies

Fo r my i m p o ss i b l e contradictions BY C AT H E R I N E N E W M A N

of lemony raw kale feels to me like life itself. But also? So do Cheez-Its. These are two true things. I am a grammar nerd—a lifelong defender of the distinction between, say, “I” and “me”—who doesn’t correct anybody anymore because I’m starting to think language is yours to do with as you like. I am an extroverted introvert. I love cooking; I hate making dinner every night. I have a friend who’s lots of fun but a terrible confidant. I dance and drink with her. I tell her nothing important. Light can be both wave and particle. I don’t know quantum mechanics, but I’m starting to understand the possibility of impossible contradictions. Newly 50, I’m living inside a buoyant, illuminated greenhouse of ambiguity rather than the dark and certain cell of my own past conviction. “I don’t know” is something I say all the time now. “I’m not sure.” I still fight with my husband—I pick one of our 30-year battles about emotional responsibility, atonement, the laundry, the compost—but sometimes I nod and say, “Maybe I’m wrong,” and he laughs, the thought bubble over his head asking, “Who are you?” This gentling worldview does not represent an absence of passion or a wimpy concession to bullies, injustice, racism, or mansplainers. I’m not ambivalent about bigotry, and I have abundant ideas and plenty to say. But in other cases, I’m learning to hold two different, even opposing, truths rather than always judging one to be wrong and chucking it to the wolves. My queer teenage daughter has explained the term genderqueer to me—the way it doesn’t ask you to pick a single gender from a system that imagines only opposites; your body is not a form on which you have to check “male” or “female.” I identify strongly as a woman. But I am starting to think that I might be, I don’t know, ideaqueer. Lifequeer. I can’t pick—am suddenly not sure I ever had to. My English mother uses the expression “in your altogether” for nakedness, and I love it so much. It feels like the perfect metaphor for wholeness laid bare. I’m living in my altogether. But also? Even this is not certain, my alleged uncertainty. Because I am picturing my beloveds reading this—my husband and children, a dear friend with whom I’ve been politically at odds, my opinionated father, the readers of my etiquette column—and laughing. “Reeeeeally?” they might think, or say. “You’re not sure what you think?” And I will have to say, truthfully, with the leafy greens and the junk food laid out on my metaphorical table, “Yes. And also no.” BITING INTO A FORKFUL

CATHERINE NE WMAN IS RE AL SIMPLE’S MODERN MANNERS COLUMNIST, AS WELL AS THE AUTHOR OF THE MEMOIRS CATASTROPHIC HAPPINES S AND WA I T ING FOR BIRDY.

1 3 0 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 1 9

C AT P E O P L E L I K E M E have always

No Apologies

Fo r b e i n g a cat person BY ANDRE A BARTZ

had to self-identify a little quietly; it’s more socially acceptable to adore pups and their goofy, slobbery affection. But today, dog-ma is out of control. Witness the massively popular Netflix documentary series about good dogs, the wild backlash when a study demonstrated that dogs (duh) aren’t that smart. I have no problem with my friends’ dogs (except when they’re the reason a friend can’t meet right after work or has to leave a party early— though that’s not the dog’s fault). But, c’mon, we’re even indoctrinating our youth in dog worship: I had to go to several baby stores to find a single dang item with a cat on it to give to a cat owner friend’s new baby. Faces of Frenchies plastered every onesie I saw. Cats are awesome. They’re clean and soft and funny, and when they choose to curl up next to you, it’s pure joy—because their affection isn’t knee-jerk. Oh, sit down (sit!)— it’s fine for us to prefer different fur children. And I, for one, am tired of apologizing for preferring cats to dogs. How cat person of me. ANDRE A BARTZ IS THE AUTHOR OF THE NOVEL THE LOST NIGHT.

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No Apologies

Fo r h ow I live my life BY MALLIK A R AO

by aunties. Women—unrelated to me by blood, of my mother’s era and birthplace— seemed forever in our home or we in theirs, a makeshift family of Indians in Texas, where we all, improbably, lived. Many of these women grew up with wildly different options available to them than my friends and I had. Intergenerational, female-to-female judgment felt unavoidable. In college, Facebook arrived. My adult life took shape in various cities, and online. Aunties I once saw and touched became part of a virtual, somewhat sinister chorus. When I began writing on the internet professionally, commenters told me what was wrong with my writing, and by extension my character—as an aunty might have I G R EW U P S U R ROU N DE D

1 3 2 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 1 9

commented on how I’d overplucked my eyebrows and thus shown myself a failure at basic tasks of femininity. In 2007, a white friend, whose jury must have held her to different standards, posted a photo of me kissing a boy. “No big deal, but it would be amazing if...,” I emailed. She didn’t delete the photo in time. An aunty got to me, via her daughter. I felt I could see the mother speaking through the girl as the latter expressed how the photo surprised her. It didn’t seem like me. I felt a mix of emotions that reminded me of nights in college when I might take a hit of a joint and worry suddenly if all my friends merely tolerated me. Every spoken line felt like code for silent ones, a subtext that circled around a terrifying idea: I was an inexcusably flawed person. Everyone knew. Soon after, Michelle Obama became a known personality. In an interview, Larry King asked if she was surprised by campaign life. She responded that she and her husband weren’t new to politics. A national campaign brought “more of the same, except more people are watching.” I saw a point of reference. “If you’re secure in yourself and you sort of know who you are,” she continued, before moving on to a new idea—as if that phrase held everything she needed to say. Something clicked. Hadn’t Facebook only heightened a sense born when the aunties commented in person, or when I sat in a circle passing a joint? If Michelle Obama could withstand the judgment of every adult in the known world, perhaps so could I. The notion of selfsecurity—of living up to a set of internal standards— seemed integral. As I worked on articulating and meeting these standards, I also changed my view of outside judgment. Overtly judgmental people can seem, more than others, to be imbalanced in their vision, scared themselves of judgment. The aunty whose daughter questioned my ethics after a kiss was known to look askance at every girl but her own. I realized I had only myself to rely on as a gauge of the quality of judgment. To be able to assess it at all, though, I needed to be open. I began to see scrutiny as a gift—the internet not as courtroom but as laboratory. If I didn’t look my best, physically or metaphysically, it was a reflection of a current reality. I could pretend this reality wasn’t true, or I could think of ways to change what bothered me about it. Or I might decide nothing needed changing. In time, the judgment that seemed to matter most was my own. MALLIK A RAO IS A WRITER. HER WORK CAN BE FOUND IN THE NEW YORK T IMES, THE ATL ANT IC, AND OTHER OUTLE TS.

No Apologies

Fo r m ov i n g my kid around BY TA M M Y LY N N E ST O N E R

an army brat, so I grew up hearing about how awful it was to move from place to place. I internalized the message that I’d be a terrible parent to do that to my child, if it could be avoided. Now, 30 years later, I have a son, Oliver, who has lived in 10 places in seven cities across two countries. At 18, I left for college, excited to leave my small town and move to Philadelphia to live an artist’s life like the ones I’d read about in books. And I did, though with a driving restlessness to continue experiencing new scenes, which ultimately led me to live in 17 cities in five states and three countries. All the while, I knew this for sure: It’s wrong to have kids if I can’t stay put, so I better keep moving while I can. Then, at 35, I awoke to the strangest serenade from my ovaries, a truly moving rendition of “Rock-a-bye Baby.” Nine months later, my lovely Oliver was born—and I knew I had five more years to wander before I had to settle down for his 12 years of schooling. Twelve years. For me, 12 years felt like being entombed in Tupperware. M Y M O T H E R WA S

Luckily, after moving around the West Coast a bit, Oliver, my lady friend, and I fell in love with Portland, Oregon, and stayed for 10 years (with a nine-month stint in San Francisco—I’m only human), enabling me to “do right” and give my kid some roots. Then Oliver surprised us by asking if he could go to high school in Europe. My lady friend, who’d been wanting to move to Europe for years, yelled from the kitchen as she simultaneously called her Swiss-based company: “Get yer passports ready!” Oliver enjoys new cultures and new people—and maybe the chance to be new too. Even though I spent my life intrigued and inspired by new places, I’d carried this idea that being a good parent meant staying put for your kids. I was shocked to see how ready I was to pass that idea down to my children. When Oliver asked to move, I allowed myself to feel how stagnant I’d become, holding firm to the notion that we wouldn’t leave Portland until he graduated from high school. In that moment, I evaluated my deeply held, unconscious notions about these roots. Experiences and art—not single places—are my roots; Oliver is rooted in friendships and challenges. This difference reminded me of what I intuitively knew as a child: Roots vary. What’s most important is to be grounded, however that manifests. And that’s an idea I do want to pass down. TAMMY LYNNE STONER IS THE AUTHOR OF THE NOVEL SUGAR L AND.

best in swim Dive into the sunny season in one of these striking, modern suits. Vacation is calling. PHOTOGR APHS BY

ERICK A MCCONNELL STYLING BY

ALI PEW

FA SHION EDITOR

F L AV I A N U N E Z WRIT TEN BY

TA M A R A K R AU S

H A I R B Y N AT H A N I E L D E Z A N AT O P U S B E A U T Y U S I N G O R I B E ; M A K E U P B Y N I C O L E C H E W AT A R T D E P T ; M A N I C U R E B Y T R A C Y C L E M E N S AT O P U S B E A U T Y U S I N G C H A N E L L E V E R N I S ; P R O D U C E D BY E L L I E ST I L L S ; ST I L L P H OTO G R A P H S BY K E V I N S W E E N E Y; S O F T ST Y L I N G BY M A I T R A N

desert colors Earthy shades are a fresh alternative to old-school neutrals. They’re still toned-down but offer more pizzazz than a typical black or white piece.

T O B U Y: (Opposite page) The Paula one-piece, $158; solidandstriped.com. Between hoops, $65; mejuri.com. (This page, clockwise from top left)

Surfside one-piece, $225; alixnyc.com. Gold Mood hoops, $95; shop.lizziefortunato.com. Sonoma Sky one-piece, $108; luckybrand.com. Venus top, $110, and Coco bottom, $115; vitaminaswim.com. Miraclesuit Must Haves Escape one-piece, $162; saksfifthavenue.com. Kumu top, $112, and Menehune bottom, $90; mikoh.com. Troy Recycled Leather Canvas bag, $158; usa.frenchconnection.com. Bandeau Bikini top, $35, and Hi-Rise Pique Cheeky Bikini bottom, $35; aerie.com. M AY 2 0 1 9 R E A L S I M P L E

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Take good care of swimsuits, new and old, with the tricks at realsimple.com/swimsuitcare.

retro If you want more support and coverage, choose a vintage-inspired piece with an underwire top, high-waisted bottoms, or ruching. Avoid a costumey, pinup look by sticking to solid colors or micro prints, and keep embellishments simple (think a subtle belt at the waist).

T O B U Y: (Opposite page) Yasmin maillot, $395; lisamariefernandez.com. Rachel Fringed hat, $94; hatattack.com. (This page, clockwise from

top left) Athena one-piece, $300; leswim.it. Myriam Bikini top, $200, and Mallory Highwaisted hipster, $155; araks.com. Muun Ava Woven Tote bag, $250; bergdorfgoodman.com. Square Neck Bikini top, $50, and Banded Low Waist hipster, $35; landsend.com. The Ginger top, $84, and bottom, $84; solidandstriped.com. Fringed Canvas sun hat, $58; hatattack.com. Dot Jacquard one-piece, $260; shoshanna.com. Pearl Solids Underwire Full Coverage top, $79, and Pearl Solids Shirred High Waisted bottom, $69; tommybahama.com.

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cutouts Give a standard suit an edge with peekaboo detailing. Cutouts in unexpected places (like the waistline and shoulders) let you show a little extra skin without feeling naked.

T O B U Y: (Opposite page) Haight Crepe lu maillot, $246; brazilianbikinishop.com. Between hoops, $65; mejuri.com. (This page, clockwise

from top left) Nassau one-piece, $225; alixnyc.com. Paperclip Rondelle drops, $34; usa.frenchconnection.com. Cutout top, $50, and bottom, $30; calzedonia.com. Oceania maillot, $271; korewear.com. Amoressa Phantom Leroux Shoulder one-piece, $158; neimanmarcus.com. Lynn with Sash one-piece, $395; flagpolenyc.com. Bella top, $110, and Luciana bottom, $105; vitaminaswim.com.

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pastels For a sweet, playful look, opt for pieces with bows, pom-poms, polka dots, or floral prints. Surprising pops of color (neon yellow, deep mustard, black) keep things current.

T O B U Y: (Opposite page) Mott maillot, $349; marysia.com. (This page, clockwise from top left) The Scoop maillot, $300; int.matteau-store.com.

Dotty Lola one-piece, $169; eberjey.com. Bikini top, $70, and bottom, $62; dolcevita.com. Ribbed Milo Bikini top, $92, and Ribbed Camacho Bikini bottom, $75; lspace.com. Small Oval hoops, $28; usa.frenchconnection.com. By the Bay one-piece, $185; modcloth.com. Melo one-piece, $126; kikirio.com.

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4% cash back on a salmon poké bowling night with your crew.

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M AY

FOOD ST YLING BY CHEL SE A ZIMMER; PROP ST YLING BY CL AIRE SPOLLEN

Lilacs are blooming and tulips are reaching toward the sun. It’s time to enjoy the fresh air. Grab some friends and take a nature walk with a big batch of trail mix (page 152). Then whip up an easy shrimp cocktail (page 150) and open a bottle of rosé. Toss crunchy greens with one of our favorite salad dressings (page 151) and serve them alongside lemony lentil soup (page 146) or smoked sardine toasts (page 147). This is exactly how we want to eat right now, out on the deck or with the windows wide open.

Photograph by Greg DuPree

143

FOOD

Easy Dinner 1

Chicken thighs with chorizo, spring onions, and rice pilaf ACTIVE TIME 20 MINUTES

TOTAL TIME 30 MINUTES

SERVES 4

✓ Quick Cooking ✓ Family Friendly

4 oz. dry-cured Spanish chorizo, cut into -in. pieces 4 6-oz. bone-in, skin-on chicken thighs tsp. freshly ground black pepper 1 tsp. kosher salt, divided 1

lb. spring onions (about 4 bunches), bottoms halved lengthwise, tops thinly sliced 1 small red onion, cut into -in. wedges 6 cloves garlic, smashed 1 Tbsp. olive oil 1 oz. angel hair pasta, broken into 2-in. pieces ( cup) 1 small yellow onion, finely chopped 1 cup long-grain white rice 2 cups low-sodium chicken broth

PREHEAT oven to 450°F. Cook chorizo in a 12-inch cast-iron skillet over medium-high, stirring occasionally, until browned, about 5 minutes. Transfer to a plate using a slotted spoon.

chicken with pepper and teaspoon salt. Add to skillet, skin side down, and cook until skin is browned and crisp, about 6 minutes. Transfer to plate with chorizo. SEASON

halved spring onion bottoms, red onion, garlic, and chorizo to skillet and stir to combine. Place chicken, skin side up, on top of mixture and transfer skillet to oven. Roast until a thermometer inserted in thickest part of thighs registers 165°F, about 15 minutes. Remove from oven. ADD

heat oil in a medium pot over medium-high. Add pasta and cook, stirring often, until browned, about 2 minutes. Stir in yellow onion and cook, stirring occasionally, until beginning to soften, about 3 minutes. Stir in rice, broth, and remaining teaspoon salt. Bring to a boil, reduce heat to medium-low, and simmer, covered, until rice is tender, about 15 minutes. Remove from heat and let stand, covered, for 3 minutes. MEANWHILE,

TOP chicken with spring onion tops and serve with rice pilaf. P E R S E RV I N G : 674 CALORIES, 30G FAT (9G SAT.), 160MG CHOL., 6G FIBER, 39G PRO., 63G CARB., 1,219MG SOD., 6G SUGAR

Recipes by Anna Theoktisto 1 4 4 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 1 9

Photographs by Greg DuPree

Easy Dinner 2

Greek lamb burgers with baked eggplant fries ACTIVE TIME 20 MINUTES

TOTAL TIME 30 MINUTES

SERVES 4

✓ Quick Cooking ✓ Family Friendly

Nonstick cooking spray 1 lb. ground lamb 2 oz. feta cheese, crumbled (about cup) cup grated red onion (from 1 small onion), divided 1

Tbsp. olive oil, divided

tsp. kosher salt, divided tsp. freshly ground black pepper, divided

cups panko 2 large egg whites

FOOD ST YLING BY CHEL SE A ZIMMER; PROP ST YLING BY CL AIRE SPOLLEN

1 medium eggplant, cut into -by-1-by-2-in. wedges cup grated English cucumber (from cucumber) 1 cup plain whole-milk Greek yogurt 2 tsp. fresh lemon juice (from 1 lemon) Hamburger buns and lettuce, for serving oven to 425°F. Lightly coat a rimmed baking sheet with cooking spray. Stir together lamb, cheese, cup onion, 1 tablespoon oil, 1 teaspoon salt, and teaspoon pepper in a bowl until just combined; shape into 4 patties. PREHEAT

panko and remaining 1 teaspoons salt in a large ziplock plastic bag. Whisk egg COMBINE

whites in a large bowl until foamy. Dip eggplant wedges, 1 at a time, in egg whites and transfer to bag with panko. Once all eggplant has been added to bag, seal and shake well to coat. Arrange eggplant in an even layer on prepared baking sheet and coat generously with cooking spray. Bake until golden brown, about 20 minutes, flipping halfway through. heat remaining tablespoon oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high. Add lamb patties and cook, flipping once, until browned, about 4 minutes per side for medium. MEANWHILE,

cucumber and remaining cup onion on a paper towel. Squeeze gently to release liquid. Transfer to a small bowl and stir in yogurt, lemon juice, and remaining teaspoon pepper. PL ACE

patties on buns with lettuce and yogurt sauce. Serve with eggplant fries and remaining yogurt sauce. PL ACE

P E R S E RV I N G : 579 CALORIES, 35G FAT (16G SAT.), 104MG CHOL., 3G FIBER, 33G PRO., 32G CARB., 1,518MG SOD., 7G SUGAR

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FOOD

Easy Dinner 3

Lemony lentil soup ACTIVE TIME 15 MINUTES TOTAL TIME 30 MINUTES SERVES 4

✓ Quick Cooking ✓ Make Ahead ✓ Vegetarian ✓ Gluten-Free ✓ Family Friendly

2 Tbsp. olive oil, divided 1 yellow onion, finely chopped 2 medium carrots, grated 4 cloves garlic, finely chopped 1 tsp. ground coriander tsp. chipotle chili powder tsp. ground turmeric 6 cups low-sodium vegetable broth 1

cups dried red lentils, rinsed 4 leaves curly kale, stemmed and torn into 2-in. pieces

tsp. kosher salt, divided 2 tsp. lemon zest plus 3 Tbsp. fresh juice (from 1 lemon) tsp. freshly ground black pepper, plus more for serving

PREHEAT oven to 425°F. Heat 1 tablespoon oil in a large pot over medium-high. Add onion, carrots, and garlic; cook, stirring often, until vegetables are soft, about 6 minutes. Stir in coriander, chili powder, and turmeric and cook, stirring constantly, until fragrant, about 30 seconds. Stir in broth and lentils and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to medium-low; simmer, uncovered, until lentils are tender, about 15 minutes.

place kale on a large rimmed baking sheet; sprinkle with teaspoon salt and drizzle with remaining 1 tablespoon oil. Massage kale until evenly coated; spread in an even layer. Bake, flipping once, until crisp and lightly browned, about 5 minutes per side. MEANWHILE,

lentil soup from heat; transfer half of soup to a blender and process until smooth. Return blended soup to pot. Stir in lemon zest and juice, pepper, and remaining 1 teaspoons salt. Serve soup topped with crispy kale and several grinds of pepper. REMOVE

P E R S E RV I N G : 412 CALORIES, 9G FAT (1G SAT.), 0MG CHOL., 13G FIBER, 20G PRO., 66G CARB., 1,095MG SOD., 9G SUGAR

1 4 6 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 1 9

CO OK WITH COZI Get Real SimpleÕs easy weeknight-dinner recipes in Cozi, a free meal-planning and organizing app from Meredith Corporation (available on iTunes and Google Play).

Easy Dinner 4

Smoked sardine toasts with lemon mayo and fennel salad ACTIVE TIME 10 MINUTES

TOTAL TIME 10 MINUTES

✓ Quick Cooking

cup mayonnaise 2 tsp. lemon zest plus 3 Tbsp. fresh juice (from 1 lemon) 1 clove garlic, grated cup loosely packed fresh flat-leaf parsley leaves 1 small fennel bulb, thinly sliced 2 radishes, thinly sliced 2 tsp. olive oil tsp. kosher salt tsp. freshly ground black pepper 4 slices multigrain bread, toasted 2 4 -oz. cans smoked sardines, drained, halved lengthwise together mayonnaise, lemon zest, and garlic in a small bowl. STIR

together parsley, fennel, radishes, lemon juice, oil, salt, and pepper in a medium bowl. TOS S

2 tablespoons mayonnaise onto each toast. Arrange 3 sardine pieces on each toast; top with fennel salad. SPREAD

P E R S E RV I N G : 536 CALORIES, 36G FAT (6G SAT.), 77MG CHOL., 6G FIBER, 21G PRO., 32G CARB., 881MG SOD., 6G SUGAR

SERVES 4

Easy Dinner 5

Spring green salad ACTIVE TIME 15 MINUTES

TOTAL TIME 15 MINUTES

SERVES 4

✓ Quick Cooking ✓ Healthy Pick ✓ Gluten-Free

cup plain whole-milk Greek yogurt cup fresh lemon juice (from 2 lemons) 1 tsp. kosher salt tsp. freshly ground black pepper 1 anchovy fillet 2 ripe avocados, peeled and pitted cup chopped fresh chives, divided 4 Tbsp. chopped fresh mint, divided

plot the perfect get-together no matter which book you plan to read next, make sure the fully coordinated Chinet® Cut Crystal® collection is part of your prep. spoiler alert: you’re going to like this ending.

2 romaine hearts, chopped English cucumber, chopped 1 cup sugar snap peas, halved cup frozen shelled edamame, thawed cup roasted salted pistachios, chopped

yogurt, lemon juice, 1 tablespoon water, salt, pepper, anchovy, 1 avocado, cup chives, and 2 tablespoons mint in a blender until smooth. Add more water, 1 tablespoon at a time, until just pourable. PROCES S

CHOP remaining avocado and place in a large bowl. Add romaine, cucumber, snap peas, and edamame. Toss with half the dressing. Top with pistachios and remaining cup chives and 2 tablespoons mint. Serve remaining dressing on the side. P E R S E RV I N G : 243 CALORIES, 17G FAT (3G SAT.), 3MG CHOL., 9G FIBER, 9G PRO., 18G CARB., 586MG SOD., 4G SUGAR

1SCHEDULE (BUT DON’T OVER-SCHEDULE)

Allotting 30 minutes for socializing and light bites, an hour for book discussion, and time for dessert will help things ﬂow smoothly. As the host, you should steer, but don’t feel glued to a rigid schedule. If guests are having fun catching up, let that run long.

3PLAN A LIGHT MENU

Choose foods that are easy to carry and eat over conversation. Think assorted cheese and charcuterie for the start of the get-together, and desserts like macarons and mini cupcakes for the end. Offer wine and non-alcoholic options like sparkling water.

42PICK A FESTIVE THEME

Selecting a seasonal theme, or even one with a connection to the book you’re reading, helps to add an unexpected twist that will delight your guests. Try focusing on spring — the cheerful vibe and soft color palette offer endless inspiration.

SET THE BUFFET TABLE

Book clubs are casual, so rather than feeling the need to host a sit-down dinner, set up a buffet instead. You’ve already selected your theme, now make it come to life with cheerful ﬂoral arrangements and stacks of favorite books.

5SERVE FOOD AND SIMPLIFY CLEANUP

5 Simple Tips for Hosting a Book Club

No gathering is complete without the Chinet Cut Crystal Collection. Whether you’re enjoying a piece of cake or a splash of sparkling water, this perfectly portable assortment of disposable plates, cups and cutlery has an ease and an elegance to it that takes the stress out of serving. ®

RING IN SPRING BY PICKING A NEW PAGE-TURNER AND INVITING YOUR FRIENDS OVER. THE CHINET BRAND SHOWS YOU HOW ®

TO HOST AN EASY AND LIVELY GET-TOGETHER.

TO LEAR N M OR E ABO UT H OW T HE C HI NE T ® B R AN D WIL L H E LP M AK E H OST IN G E ASIE R, V IS IT M YCH IN E T. CO M .

FOOD

Make It Yourself

ACTIVE TIME 15 MINUTES TOTAL TIME 15 MINUTES SERVES 4 COCKTAIL SAUCE

cup ketchup

A D E L I C I O U S E SS E N T I A L T H AT’ S B E T T E R

1 Tbsp. fresh lemon juice (from 1 lemon)

H O M E M A D E T H A N S T O R E - B O U G H T. W E ’ L L P RO V E I T.

1 Tbsp. prepared horseradish

T H I S M O N T H : S H R I M P C O C K TA I L By D awn Perr y

2 tsp. tomato paste 1

tsp. Worcestershire sauce tsp. kosher salt tsp. black pepper

together all ingredients. Sauce can be made up to 2 days ahead. Refrigerate, covered, until ready to use. Serve with shrimp. STIR

EASY POACHED SHRIMP

1 lemon, halved, plus wedges for serving 2 dried bay leaves 1 Tbsp. kosher salt 1 Tbsp. black peppercorns 1 head garlic, halved crosswise

10 cups water to a large pot. Squeeze lemon halves into water and add to pot with bay leaves, salt, peppercorns, and garlic. Bring to a boil; reduce to a rapid simmer. ADD

scissors, cut along the back of each shrimp to reveal the vein; rinse under cold water to remove. Do not peel. USING

shrimp to water; remove from heat. Let stand until shrimp are opaque and just cooked through, 2 to 3 minutes. Using a slotted spoon, immediately transfer shrimp to an ice bath; let cool completely. Peel shrimp, leaving tails intact. Serve with cocktail sauce and lemon wedges. ADD

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Photograph by Greg DuPree

FOOD ST YLING BY CHEL SE A ZIMMER; PROP ST YLING BY CL AIRE SPOLLEN

1 lb. raw jumbo shrimp (16/20 count), unpeeled

FOOD

R o a d Te s t

Salad Dressing A F T E R TA S T E -T E S T I N G 1 3 5 VA R I E T I E S , W E F O U N D T H E F I V E B E S T. W I T H D R E S S I N G T H I S G O O D, YO U ’ L L WA N T A S A L A D W I T H E V E RY M E A L . By Ananda Eidelstein

BEST CAESAR

Marzetti Simply Dressed Caesar Dressing A blend of Parmesan and Romano cheeses makes this pick ultra-luscious. A little goes a long way; it clings to greens without being gloppy. TO BUY: $3.50 for 12 oz.; at grocery stores.

realsimple ROAD TE ST

BEST GINGER

Cindy’s Kitchen Soy Ginger Savory flavor from soy sauce, a subtle kick from ginger, and a nutty richness from tahini add up to a zesty dressing we kept on drizzling. TO BUY: $7.50 for 16 oz.; at grocery stores.

P R O D U CT I M AG E S C O U RT E SY O F M A N U FACT U R E R S

BEST R ANCH

Cindy’s Kitchen Buttermilk Ranch This winner stood out among the too-sweet competition. Nicely seasoned with spices and garlic, it makes a welcome dip for veggies too. TO BUY: $7.50 for 16 oz.; at grocery stores. BEST BAL SAMIC

Drew’s Organics Rosemary Balsamic Dressing Elevated by the subtle flavors of rosemary and garlic, this slightly sweet (it’s made with honey instead of sugar) yet bright dressing is more interesting than one you’d shake up in a jar yourself. Try marinating vegetables in it before grilling or roasting. TO BUY: $4 for 12 oz.; at grocery stores.

Pair these dressing picks with the fresh, easy salads at realsimple.com/saladrecipes.

BEST VINAIGRET TE

Ken’s Simply Vinaigrette Garlic & Basil Dressing The tangy combo of herbs and garlic might remind you of pesto. Toss this versatile dressing with greens or pasta salad, or spoon it over grilled fish. TO BUY: $3.50 for 16 oz.; at grocery stores.

M AY 2 0 1 9 R E A L S I M P L E

151

FOOD

Big Batch

Sesame crunch trail mix ACTIVE TIME 10 MINUTES

TOTAL TIME 30 MINUTES

MAKES ABOUT 5

CUPS

2 large egg whites cup black or white sesame seeds, or a mixture 4 tsp. light brown sugar tsp. kosher salt 2 cups crisp rice cereal, such as Rice Krispies 1 cup roasted salted cashews 1 cup roasted salted peanuts 1 cup shelled roasted salted pistachios cup golden raisins oven to 350°F. Whisk egg whites in a large bowl until frothy and almost doubled in size, 1 to 2 minutes. Whisk in sesame seeds, sugar, and salt. Fold in cereal and stir gently to coat. PREHEAT

a rubber spatula, spread mixture in a thin layer on a parchment-lined baking sheet. Bake until mixture is golden and dry to the touch, 12 to 14 minutes. Let cool completely on sheet; break into 1-inch pieces. sesame crunch with cashews, peanuts, pistachios, and raisins in a large bowl. TOS S

in an airtight container at room temperature for up to 1 month. STORE

P E R S E RV I N G ( C U P ) : 205 CALORIES, 14G FAT (2G SAT.), 0MG CHOL., 3G FIBER, 7G PRO., 15G CARB., 173MG SOD., 6G SUGAR

Recipe by Ananda Eidelstein Photograph by Greg DuPree

1 5 2 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 1 9

FOOD ST YLING BY CHEL SE A ZIMMER; PROP ST YLING BY CL AIRE SPOLLEN

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Fo r Fu n

By Shannon Reed

I will bend my knees today.

I will listen to a song I enjoy.

Getting into and out of bed counts.

Catching 30 seconds of that Fugees song playing over Target’s loudspeaker as I pick up milk counts.

I will take one deep breath today. Inhaling to yell “Stop! Don’t eat that!” at the dog counts.

I will make time to read more. Leaving open a browser tab for an investigative journalism story I intend to get around to someday counts.

I will eat thoughtfully. All foods, including gum, count.

I will learn a new yoga pose. I will look with love and kindness upon at least one person. Refraining from rolling my eyes at the woman who cut in front of me in the school drop-off line counts.

Bracing the door open while I scream for the cat to come back in counts.

I will take a bath. Getting soaked to the skin by my son splashing in his bath counts.

I will take the time to listen closely to someone. Enduring my boss’s running commentary about her daughter’s search for a prom dress counts.

I will write one letter of gratitude. Sending my sister a poop emoji counts.

I will explore aromatherapy. Noticing that Joanne once again used the office microwave to heat up sauerkraut counts.

I will get enough sleep. Streaming The Good Place at 2 a.m. counts: Kristen Bell appears to get enough sleep.

I will get a massage. Falling asleep in the broken massage chair while waiting for my daughter to finally choose which phone case she wants from the kiosk in the mall counts.

I will develop a soothing evening ritual. Remembering to close the laptop before I fall asleep counts. Actually turning it off means that my self has been fully, and lovingly, cared for. I am complete.

I will learn a new hobby. Making a list of realistic self-care ideas counts.

1 5 4 R E A L S I M P L E M AY 2 0 1 9

Illustrations by Joel Holland

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