FAMILY

married, your spouse is typically the first pick, but you’ll need to name a backup. Choose wisely: This role can be ripe for abuse. Make sure that it’s someone you trust who is competent and neutral—not someone who favors one side of the family over the other. Chose someone your age or younger (there’s a greater chance he’ll be around) and not a family member who has a lot to gain or lose. Your unbiased cousin is a safe bet, or a fiscally responsible close friend. Ask yourself: Who is reliable, is not too emotionally attached, and can get things done? You can also use a professional executor, who can be someone from a local bank or your own lawyer or accountant. Professional executors charge a fee, which varies by state; family members who act as executor are also entitled to the fee, but they typically waive it.

If I do a simplewillwithout a lawyer,what makes it official?

Your signature and witnesses. Every state has specific witnessing requirements. If you don’t follow them, a court will say that you have died “intestate,” which means without a will. You don’t have to file the will anywhere or even have it notarized. Just keep it in a safe place— ideally in a fireproof lockbox or cabinet— and let your executor know where it is.

What if I change my mind? Is it a big deal to change mywill?

Not at all. In fact, it’s expected. But ask your lawyer in advance what the fees are to update it. With any major life event— another child, a move to another state, a divorce, a death in the family—you need to update your documents. Depending on the change, you might need to create a whole new will. Writing a new will (which should say in it that it revokes all previous wills) nullifies the old one.

What’s the danger in not havinga will?

It’s not as if your children will become wards of the state and your property will be seized. But the state will appoint an administrator to distribute your stuff according to state law (broadly determining, say, that everything you have belongs to the kids and leaving it to them to decide who gets what). If your children are minors, a judge will choose a guardian for them. The real concern is that you’ll have no control over what happens, and your kids could be set up for major financial burdens (such as inheriting debt and serious tax blows). So just do it: Any will at all is better than no will.

GIVING TOCHARITY

If there’s a cause you want to donate to in your will, make sure it accepts inheritance donations.

BREATHE

This is a three-part breath thathelpsyou connect withyourwholebody, especiallythe belly, theribs,and thechest. It’seasiest todolying down, butyoucan doitsitting,too. Beforeyouget started,placeyourhands onyourbelly andfeelit rise and fall asyoubreathenaturally,then touchthe sidesofyourribsand noticehow therib cage expands and contracts witheachbreath.Next, restyour hands onyourchestand feelitliftandlowerwith each inhaleand exhale. Here comesthe three-partbreath:Relaxyour hands anywherethey’recomfortable and exhalecompletely.Then begintosip inair,thinkingabout thebelly.Inhale only about a third of theway, feelingyour belly expand.Holdyourbreath forjustamoment.Thentakethe nextthirdofthe breath into theribs andpause.Finally, completethe lastthird ofyourinhale, fillingupasthechest rises. Pause justlongenoughtoenjoy the fullness ofthe lungs.Thenletgo ofthebreath—just relax and letit out. Whenyou’re naturallyreadyto inhaleagain,repeat the pattern—bellyfirst(pause), thenribs(pause),thenchest (pause),exhale.Don’tworry ifyou feelalittle tense.It willbecome more comfortable themoreyoudoit. Tryfive rounds (takenormalbreaths inbetween,if thathelps).Whenyou’refinished,seeifyoudon’t feelabitmore energized and openhearted.

BYEDWARD JONES,WHEELANDAXLE.NET

Photograph by

Matt Armendariz Photography

SILVER FOX

NAME: Heidi Dolnick AGE: 44 OCCUPATION: Project manager, Greenmarket Regional Grains Project

“I never considered dyeing my hair— it’s notwhere my priorities are. Gray hair makes me feel selfexpressive. It’s incredibly fun.”

HELMUTLANGTOP AT BLOOMINGDALE’S.

AMAZINGGRAYS

MANE ATTRACTION

NAME: Jody Kozlow Gardner AGE: 51 OCCUPATION: Student in food studies master’s program at NewYork University

“When womenask about going gray, I say, ‘Go for it.’ Committo what you have; itwas meant to be, and that’s the most flattering.”

AGNES B. TUXEDO JACKET.

DO LESSANDTHIS COULD BEYOU. EIGHT WOMENPROVETHE POWER OFTHE SUPER NATURAL.

Written by Heather Muir Photographs by Peter Hapak

WAVES OF GRAY

NAME: Pamela Wendel AGE: 32 OCCUPATION: Pediatric anesthesiologist

“People take me more seriously now that I’m gray—I’m clearly old enough to be a doctor.There are a lot of different shades in my hair. My fiancé asks me, ‘What color isyourhair?’”

EILEENFISHER TUNIC AT BLOOMINGDALE’S.

SILVER LINING

NAME: AerielBrown AGE: 38 OCCUPATION: Photo editor

“I like the tension between gray hair and ayoung face. It distinguishes me, just like the gap in my teeth. It sounds clichéd,but when Iwent cold turkey and quit dyeing, I felt free.”

JENNIFER ALFANO EARRINGS AND HER OWNTOP.

ICY COOL

NAME: Ty Alexander AGE: 39 OCCUPATION: Author of Things IWish I Knew Before My Mom Died and blogger at gorgeousingrey.com

“When Iwas 14, I got my first gray hair and my period on the same day. Iwas a little traumatized, but I also felt like I had arrived. Last year, I dyed a piece blue. My hair makes me feel special— like a unicorn.”

KRIA JEWELRY NECKLACE AND HER OWNTOP.

SNOW WHITE

NAME: Lari Washburn AGE: 67 OCCUPATION: Painter, ceramicist

“I had every intention of continuing to color my hair, but at 50, I realized I didn’twant to do it anymore. For me, being authentic meant going gray. People respect it.”

RACHEL COMEY DRESS.

SALT-ANDPEPPER

NAME: Susan Eng AGE: 50 OCCUPATION: Acupuncturist and doctor of Chinese medicine

“I’m proud to have turned50. We can age well, and that’swhat I’m trying to do. I don’t think about my hair much. I accept it in the same good humor as I do the rest of myself.”

BABATONTOP AT ARITZIA AND HER OWN EARRINGS.

HAIR BY MATTHEW MONZONAT JED ROOT USING SHU UEMURA. MAKEUPBY ALLIE SMITHAT SARAH LAIRD USING CHANEL LES BEIGES. FASHION STYLING BY JEN SMITH AT ELYSE CONNOLLY.

HOW TO GO GRAY

Aura Friedman, a hairstylist at the Sally Hershberger Downtown salon, in NewYork City, shares her advice.

GROW IT OUT

To make the process less awkward, cut hair short, then bleach or color-match the ends to the roots. Or ask yourcolorist fordemipermanent lowlights, which will soften the color differentiation at the roots andwon’t create a line as it fades.

KEEP IT BRIGHT

Gray hair can turn dingy from minerals presentin your water. Once aweek, use a violet-tinted product, likeDavines Alchemic Shampoo Silver ($25.50, us.davines. com), which will tone down and neutralizeany yellow or brassy hues. For a brightening bonus, opt for an in-salon treatment, like Redken Pre ArtTreatment (prices vary,redken. com for salons), every 8 to 12weeks to remove buildup.

KEEP IT SOFT

Gray hair tends to be coarse, so use a hair oil. Pump intoyour palm and, starting at the ends ofwet hair, work your way up to the roots. Try Johnathan Gale Replenish Hair Oil ($58, johnathangale. com), whichhas avocado oil and spearmint essential oil.

SHINING ARMOR

NAME: Susan Lawrence AGE: 61 OCCUPATION: Denim-apparel consultant

“Gray hair allows me to have more free time. It means I’m an independent person. If someone doesn’t understand that, it’s notworth trying to explain. I lovewhen people ask, ‘Can I touchyourhair?’”

EILEENFISHER TUNIC ATBLOOMINGDALE’S AND HER OWN SUNGLASSES. MORE ABOUT“AMAZING GRAYS” Find video diaries from the women featured in this story at realsimple.com/gray.