L'Chaim June/July 2019 Issue

JUNE/JULY 2019

MAYIM BIALIK ON JUDAISM, MOTHERHOOD, AND NEW WORKS INCLUDING 2 NEW BOOKS FOR TEENS

PLUS 'Bubbies' do matchmaking in new show Pie-in-the-sky Shabbat recipes for Summer nights

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contents

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June/July 2019 • www.lchaimmagazine.com

COVER STORY Mayim Bialik's new works are a Roadmap for Adolescence............................................................

1000 WORDS ‘Bubbies’ do matchmaking, share their dating wisdom in new TV show.......................

FOOD Pie-in-the-sky Shabbat recipes for Summer nights.......................................................................

SUMMER FEATURES

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ROADMAP FOR ADOLESCENCE

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Alta Vista Botanical Gardens is North County's hidden gem...............................................

Summer camp serves as a bridge between young Israelis and Diaspora Jewry........................................................................................................................................

'Match’ this ‘love’: Israel’s top tennis players launch new sports project.....................

FEATURES

PIE-INTHE-SKY

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Guest Column: Felicia Gipsman..............................................................................................................

Combatting the Faces of Hate: Interviews with community leaders.............................

Helping children dealing with Grief in the face of tragic events.......................................

COLUMNS

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Random Rants..................................................

JewishMom.com......................................

Torah: Of the Book..........................................

Mazel and Mishagoss...........................

PUBLISHERS Diane Benaroya & Laurie Miller

ADVERTISING dianeb@lchaimmagazine.com

Diane Benaroya (dianeb@lchaimmagazine.com), Sharon Buchsbaum (sharonbux@gmail.com) 4

L’CHAIM SAN DIEGO MAGAZINE • JUNE/JULY 2019

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EDITORIAL editor@lchaimmagazine.com

CREATIVE DIRECTOR Laurie Miller Daniel Bortz, Donald H. Harrison, Steve Horn, Stephanie Lewis, Salomon Maya, Terra Paley, Mimi Pollack, Rachel Stern, Eva Trieger, Deborah Vietor, Chana Jenny Weisberg

SUMMER CAMP

L’CHAIM SAN DIEGO, LLC (858) 776-0550 San Diego, CA 92127

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Alanna Maya

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MY COMIC RELIEF l BY SALOMON MAYA

random rants Milk and Honey

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n Sunday, June 2, I joined hundreds of locals at Liberty Station at Celebrate Israel, the yearly festival put on by the Jewish Federation. This year was especially memorable for me as I was able to bring my nearly four-year-old to the festivities, where he watched his older cousins dance a modern Israeli dance put on by the Ken Jewish Community. And, as I walked through the endless white booths of Jewish educators and publications and synagogues, I was reminded of the common bond that brought us all together. A small strip of land on the other side of this globe measuring roughly 20,000 km2.

For Jews living outside of Eretz, Israel isn’t just a location on a map, but rather a state of being. People don’t live in Israel; they live for it. And though one can never escape the infinite minutia of political rhetoric that surrounds the baby nation, I can’t stop to wonder and be amazed at the passion one small tiny strip of dirt emits.

I have visited Israel twice in my life. Once when I was 15 years old (for six weeks as a tourist); and the second time, where I lived six-months on a kibbutz and six-months in a Jerusalem school for group and selfleadership. The years were 1995 and 1998, respectfully.

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Airport is unlike a feeling I had every felt.

When I was 15 and visited Israel for the first time I bent to my knees and kissed the ground as soon as we deplaned, just like my brothers had done years prior. Tradition abounds in Israel, especially for diaspora Jews such as myself. I did everything a U.S. Jewish teen should do on their first trip to Israel during that trip, but it wasn’t until my year long trip to Eretz where I realized the true magic of Israel.

After high school graduation, I embarked on Hakhshara, a year-long trip to the Holy Land. We were joined by a larger contingent of young community leaders from Mexico.

Through my twelve months living in Israel I lived through the following: I was awoken from sleep by Lebanese rockets flying overhead when I lived at Kibbutz Shamir, which is only 5-miles south of the Lebanon border.

I had hot coffee thrown in my face by an elder Kibbutznik for putting my feet on furniture.

Ironically, we travelled toward Egypt on Passover.

We walked the streets of Mea Sharim on Purim and saw some incredibly disturbing images I shall not repeat.

Some got closer to God, some more distant.

I slept on the soft sands of a Tel Aviv beach.

I stayed up until the wee hours in Jerusalem on Christmas Eve. I built apartments for a week in Tel Aviv.

We got kicked out of our kibbutz.

We didn’t “graduate” from our leadership school.

I could go on and on. But the minute list seen above are just some samples of my adventures in Israel for the year. You see that is exactly what Israel is. An existing contradiction. By all accounts, the state shouldn’t even exist. The land is mostly dessert. The mountains in the north are treacherous. One of their seas literally has no life in it. Israel is so painfully unique one can’t help but grow up and mature upon living there. I shot a gun. I made brothers.

I saw death. I lived life. I touched a wall.

I floated in water. I walked with Jesus and Moses and Mohammed.

I grew up. I didn’t live in Israel, I lived for it.

And all because of one tiny strip of land halfway around the globe.

SALOMON MAYA IS A LOCAL ACTOR AND PLAYWRIGHT. FOLLOW HIM ON TWITTER @SALOMAYA OR EMAIL HIM AT SALOMONM@LCHAIMMAGAZINE.COM.

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TORAH l BY RABBI DANIEL BORTZ

of

the book To Travel as a Religious Jew

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here’s no shortage of adventures and funny stories when you travel as a religious Jew. Years ago, I was sitting toward the front of a plane. It was time for the morning prayer so I took out my Tefillin and began. For the Amidah prayer, one is meant to face Jerusalem, but since we were flying west I had to stand and face east — at the entire plane. After doing everything I could to “fit in with the crowd” during my younger years, this was definitely going against that grain.

Travel experiences have a unique impact on our lives, and the summer months are more associated with traveling than the rest of the year. I want to share with you something that resonated with a recent writing that may add inspiration in one’s travel experience.

G-d tells the Jewish people: “I will place My dwelling in your midst ... I will stroll among you, I will be your G-d, and you will be my people.”

Rabbi Ovadiah Sforno of the 16th Century comments: “The word stroll denotes that G-d will be among the Israelites wherever they go and not limited to one specific place — the sanctuary. “I will stroll among you” — G-d’s glory will be manifest wherever His children venture.”

There are certain places that inspire our hearts and minds and bring us comfort. For many of us that may be a special place like the old city of Jerusalem. I lived there for two years and still felt awe every time I descended the steps leading to the kotel and glimpsed it from afar. For some of us it may be as simple

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as the comfort of our own home, city, or country.

But this verse is telling us that G-d “strolls” with us wherever we find ourselves. We have the ability to feel that connection anywhere.

I’ve traveled the world in my youth, sometimes alone, and it can feel isolating without one’s dependable support system to rely on while in unfamiliar surroundings. But that isolation gave me a greater connection and reliance on Divine providence.

There is a Divine presence near us at all times, as a parent is with a young child. The Baal Shem Tov taught: “Always be joyful.

Think and believe with perfect faith that the Shechinah (G-dly Presence) is at your side and watches over you. You look at the Creator, blessed be He, and the Creator looks at you.” The Zohar states: “There is no place devoid of Him.” Regardless of where you find yourself, you’re never alone.

This summer I will travel again. Sitting in my airplane seat, legs crushed and back stiff, I will pull out the “Traveler’s prayer” in

Hebrew and recite it as the plane takes off, recognizing that I am not in full control of this journey. The Jewish story is one of travel, as most of the Torah is made up of a nation traveling in a barren desert only with Divine protection keeping them alive.

Traveling is a microcosm of our entire lives, essentially a trip our soul is taking as it visits this earth and body on a short-term mission to learn, grow, and accomplish. If we happen to visit any new place this summer, let’s do the same, using it as an opportunity to learn something new from the experience.

If it’s uncomfortable, that means it’s a growth opportunity, a chance to realize you have more capability than you ever thought, and no matter how precarious the situation looks, G-d always has your back.

DANIEL BORTZ, THE MILLENNIAL RABBI, IS THE FOUNDER OF JTEEN AND SOUL X. CONNECT AT RABBIBORTZ.COM.

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From left: Bubbies S.J. Mendelson, Linda Rich and Bunny Gibson.

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PHOTO CREDIT JLTV

L’CHAIM | BY SHIRYN GHERMEZIAN | JNS.org

L’CHAIM

1000

WORDS

JEWISH 'BUBBIES' DO MATCHMAKING, SHARE THEIR DATING WISDOM IN NEW TV SHOW

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n each episode of “Bubbies Know Best,” which premiered in February on JLTV, S.J. Mendelson, Linda Rich, and Bunny Gibson interview three potential suitors before picking one to go on a date with their bachelor or bachelorette. The bubbies then watch their couple — with the help of a live camera — go on a date and afterward give pointers on what the daters did right and wrong.

The Los Angeles-based grandmothers set up singles of all ages, both Jewish and nonJewish, and sexual preferences. One episode features daters in their 60s and 70s, while another features a member of the LGBTQ community looking for love. In one episode, Gibson rides a motorcycle with one of bachelors because “I had to do it to make sure that the lady we picked for him would be safe,” she said, jokingly adding, “I even suggested we go cross-country.”

Mendelson, who was a contestant on season 12 of “America’s Got Talent,” has three grandchildren and grew up in Brooklyn, N.Y. She had her own matchmaking service in the 1990s and said she’s a natural at setting people up.

Gibson is a great-grandmother and was one of the original dancers on “American Bandstand,” Dick Clark’s iconic music performance and dance television program.

She has experience working with two matchmaking services, and has appeared in more than 65 television shows and films.

Rich is a grandmother to seven grandchildren and has been a cantor for 30plus years. She was the first female cantor in history to serve a Conservative congregation.

She performs couples counseling and said she

draws a lot of her wisdom about dating from the Torah.

“With age comes wisdom ... we have a good idea of what works and what doesn’t work in relationships,” Mendelson said about the singles who come on the show.

“With age comes wisdom ... we have a good idea of what works and what doesn’t work in relationships, so I think it’s important that they listen to us,” Mendelson said about the singles who come on the show. “We know a little something that they might want to learn from.”

After all, quipped Gibson, “We have 200 years of wisdom amongst us.”

The three women, who didn’t know each

other prior to filming the show, are now like sisters, they said. Rich and Mendelson have even been helping Gibson learn about Judaism since the latter took a DNA test last year and found out she is 50 percent Jewish.

She said since the discovery, she has been embraced by the Jewish community, JLTV and her fellow “bubbies.”

“It was quite a shock, but really such a great thing. I love being Jewish,” Gibson, who was adopted and raised Catholic, noted.

She said about her co-stars, “I have now two new Jewish sisters; it’s wonderful!” To which Mendelson added, “We’re glad to have you in the tribe.”

The women agreed that some of the biggest mistakes people make when it comes to dating include getting into bed too quickly with a person, talking about themselves too much and complaining a lot throughout the date.

Rich celebrated her 30th wedding anniversary in October. She met her husband one Shabbat during Valentine’s Day weekend.

A member of the temple where she was a cantor invited her now-husband to come to the synagogue to meet her and hear her sing.

After services, they talked, and Rich said “it was love at first sight, really.”

But, she pointed out, “it did take someone to put us together: a matchmaker.”

Mendelson, who celebrated her 16th wedding anniversary not long ago, met her husband at a bank. They lived in the same neighborhood, and she used to see him tend to his mother by helping her in and out of the bank, and holding the door for her. She said, “You want a man who’s good to his mother.

That tells you something right there.”

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L’CHAIM

When Mendelson saw her now-husband after his mother passed away, she expressed her condolences and gave him her card with her contact information. He called a few weeks later, and they started dating. They were engaged after 45 days and got married in three months.

Gibson, who is searching for that special someone, said, “I am single for many, many years. I know everything that doesn’t work, so I can obviously give advice. A rabbi once told me: You can be right, and you can be right, and guess what, you can both be alone.

You have to learn to compromise.”

"It’s refreshing; it’s really amazing to see how powerful it is just to have people meeting again in person, and off their phones and engaging with other generations,” the show's host says.

‘GO OUT THERE AND CONNECT’

The show’s host, Erin Davis, a New Yorker who runs a dating service, said her 95-yearold maternal grandmother — a Holocaust survivor — is her mentor and inspiration for everything she does. Meeting the “bubbies” from the show was an amazing experience for her, and she said “it meant more to me than I think most people could ever understand.

They’re really exceptional, and they’ve become friends and ‘bubbies’ to me.”

She added about the show, “Today it’s a high-tech society, and the personal touch of meeting people — the in-person connection these days — it’s going away. We’re kind of going old school with this show in more ways than one. It’s refreshing; it’s really amazing to see how powerful it is just to have people meeting again in person, and off their phones and engaging with other generations.”

Davis works full-time as a dating coach and private “wingwoman” (someone who goes into a social situation with the purpose of helping people meet) for her clients.

She started matchmaking as a hobby and seven years ago began a non-profit called Shabbatness, which organized Shabbat dinners and events for Jewish young professionals to meet. In 2014, she branched out and created an individual consultation service called Erin Davis Wingwoman.

Davis takes her clients out to events that fit their personality and interests, and she facilitates “in-person strategic introductions” for them so they meet new people.

“That’s the wingwoman part of the 12

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business,” she said.

During the day, she meets with clients for five to six hours to help them with everything from analyzing their text messages, which she said is her top service, to helping them navigate dating apps. She tries teaching her clients that online dating services and dating apps should supplement other efforts in meeting people.

When asked about her take on dating apps, she mentioned that “if it’s done in moderation, I think it can be a helpful thing.

But most of the time, it’s taking over people’s lives and being the only thing they’re doing these days.”

She said some of the biggest mistakes singles are doing is walking into dates with negative energy, communicating the wrong way, losing the excitement and momentum early on in the dating process, and having an overall negative view on dating.

“People are treating dating kind of like a chore, where it’s not fun anymore, or they’re going straight from work,” she explained. “I try to encourage everyone to give themselves transition time between work and a date, and to get really pumped up and excited about it because it’s a chance for a new adventure, a new friend [or] a new business contact, not just your basheret.”

Davis wants the show to inspire singles who are struggling in the dating world, but she also hopes that viewers will be encouraged to call their grandmothers more often or just appreciate the wisdom that the

older generation has.

“I’ll be the first to admit that my 95-yearold Holocaust survivor grandmother, who is sharp as a tack, even though she is a bit kooky [and] old-school Polish ... up until I was like 30, I just dismissed everything she told me,” related David. “And as I’ve gotten older, I really cherish every second with her.

That woman has lived on this earth 95 years, and I cherish everything she says. I hope that people pick up the phone, and call their grandparents and just say hello. Realize what they have to offer us, and hopefully, just get reinvigorated to get out there and meet people and just stick to the basics.”

“Our show is only 30 minutes an episode, and that’s all it really takes to just go out and try to make connections with each other,” she added. “It doesn’t take days and hours and weeks and months, and what should be like a chore. We can really go out there and connect — connect our friends and connect our families — and I’m hoping people will feel inspired to.”

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FOOD

FOOD

PIE-IN-THE-SKY SHABBAT

Shepherd’s Pie is a hearty Friday-night meal on an evening to relax and share stories, mixing fine food and company without having to get up for work the next day.

BY ETHEL G. HOFMAN | JNS.org

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here’s also no commandment that says chicken soup and roast chicken must be served on Shabbat. In fact, for many, meat has been completely replaced, with vegan dishes taking center-stage on Friday night tables.

On the island north of Scotland where I grew up, fish was fresh and abundant. We ate it every night — from gefilte fish and crisp oatmeal herring to the ubiquitous fish and chips; all homemade. My mother cooked up fish in a score of different ways, her Ashkenazi cuisine marrying deliciously into her neighbors’ Scottish recipes. Varieties such as herring, haddock, sole and halibut were dished up in a matter of hours, so fresh that the tails curled up.

But on cool-weather Shabbats or when the family craved comfort food, she prepared Shepherd’s Pie, bubbling and enticing from the oven. Ground lamb stew studded generously with root vegetables, seasoned with plenty of onions and crowned with clouds of mashed potatoes, it not only was a glorious dish but a thrifty one as well. And it could be prepared early in the day and then reheated before dinner time.

It’s said that Shepherd’s Pie originated in Scotland (makes sense). Root vegetables and potatoes were cheap, and it wasn’t uncommon for families to slaughter a lamb, and salt and wind-dry it to store over the winter. If the dish is made with another meat, such as beef and a pastry crust, replacing the potatoes, it’s referred to as Cottage Pie. My mantra, as always, is to make the preparation easy. Use your freezer. Frozen items like veggies and fruits are nutrient-rich and sometimes even better than fresh, which may have been trucked in over days from miles away. As for meats, when on sale, stock up your freezer and save.

Shabbat Shalom!

SHEPHERD’S PIE (MEAT)

Serves 4-6

Cook’s Tips: • Ground-beef or mixture of beef and turkey may be used instead of turkey.

• Use store-bought pareve mashed potatoes or make your own; 3 cups mashed potatoes, moistened with 2 tablespoons melted pareve margarine or non-dairy creamer.

• Correct seasonings? It just means season to taste.

Ingredients 1 tablespoon of olive oil 1 pound ground turkey 1/4 cup frozen chopped onion 1 1/2 cups frozen mixed vegetables, thawed 1 (8 oz.) can stems and pieces mushrooms, drained 1 rounded tablespoon all-purpose flour 1/3 cup ketchup 1/2 teaspoon chopped bottled garlic 1/2 teaspoon each salt and fresh ground pepper or to taste 3-4 cups mashed potatoes Directions • Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

• Heat oil in a large saucepan. Add turkey and onion. Cook over medium high heat, stirring often, until no pink in turkey remains.

• Add all remaining ingredients, except the mashed potatoes.

• Cook over medium heat, about 5 minutes, stirring often. Correct seasonings.

• Transfer to a 2-quart ovenproof casserole dish. Spoon mashed potatoes over top, roughing with a fork.

• Bake in a preheated oven 20 to 30 minutes, or until meat mixture is bubbling and potatoes beginning to brown.

• Serve hot with a crunchy salad.

VEGAN SHEPHERD’S (PAREVE)

PIE

Serves 4-6

Cook’s Tips: • Fresh sliced leeks and cubed butternut squash are available in markets.

• If using whole leeks, separate leaves and wash well in cold water.

• Vacuum-packed, precooked lentils are available in markets.

Ingredients 3 cups cubed butternut squash 2 tablespoons vegetable oil 1 cup sliced leeks 2 1/2 cups cooked lentils 2 cups frozen mixed vegetables, thawed and drained 1/2 cup vegan tomato purée 1 teaspoon dried thyme 3/4 teaspoon dried basil, divided salt and freshly ground pepper to taste Directions • Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

• Heat oil in a large skillet over medium heat.

• Add the leeks. Sauté for 5 minutes, stirring often, until leeks are softened.

• Add the lentils, mixed vegetables, tomato purée, thyme and 1/2 teaspoon basil. Stir to mix. Transfer to a 2-quart ovenproof casserole dish. Set aside.

• Place squash in a microwave dish. Cook for 7 minutes on high, or until squash is tender.

• Spoon over the lentil mixture. Sprinkle with remaining basil.

• Bake in preheated oven for 20 minutes, or until lentil mixture is bubbly. Serve hot.

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COVER STORY l BY DEBORAH VIETOR

A ROADMAP FOR ADOLESCENCE Mayim Bialik's latest works are Boying Up and Girling Up 16

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COVER STORY

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any of us know Mayim Bialik as Amy Farrah Fowler, neurobiologist from the hit sitcom “The Big Bang Theory”. With 4 Emmy nominations, a Critic’s Choice Award and leading actress nomination from the Screen Actors Guild, Bialik has been a star on of one of the longest running shows on air for seven years. Some may also recall her starring role as Blossom in the hit ‘90s show of the same name, in addition to many other roles over the years.

Born in San Diego, Bialik earned B.S from UCLA in Neuroscience and minors in Hebrew and Jewish Studies before becoming a PhD in Neuroscience from UCLA, with a focus on endocrinology. Growing up, she chanted and blew the shofar during the high holidays, wrote music for UCLA’s Acapella Group, was involved with Hillel and started a Women’s Rosh Chodesh Group. Over the years, she has become more involved in Judaism and Jewish education with her 2 children, Miles and Frederick, aged 11 and 14.

In addition to being a mensch and having something many do not possess, “Sechel” (the Yiddish word for common sense), she has recently written two unique books, Girling Up – How to Be Strong, Smart and Spectacular, and Boying Up – How to Be Bold, Brave and Brilliant, for adolescents, parents, and educators.

These books are a roadmap for adolescence, with the goal to demystify the often confusing teen years.

Scientifically based, supported by graphs, charts and other concrete information, there are many anecdotes and humorous examples of teenage life in the pages of Bialik’s new books. Boys and girls are encouraged through each title to develop a deeper understanding of one another.

Judaism, Jewish culture and tradition have always been an integral part of her life and she shares this with her boys. Tikkun Olam is most important to Bialik and her family. Spirituality is covered in each book, encouraging teens to search for and find an aspect of living outside of oneself, whether this be through ritual, prayer, church, synagogue, or community.

“For our Bar and Bat Mitzvah project, my brother and I designed our own prayer book,” Bialik recalled.

“I wrote poetry and he provided the illustrations. I was a very determined 13 year old. I think I would have told myself not to give up on my dreams [if I could go back in time]. I didn’t even know what they were at the time! But I think I would have wanted my future self to be brave and stand up for those in need.

I always wanted that even when I was 13. My life has evolved so much … becoming a mom was the biggest and the best shift.”

When asked about the key points from Boying Up and Girling Up that she would highlight for teens, parents and educators, Bialik noted the importance of communication.

“Communication is so important. [I would tell teens to] find adults you trust to talk to. Think about your future. Be kind to others. Learn to relax and meditate,” she said.

A self-described “tomboy” and “late bloomer” as a young girl, Bialik focuses on being true to yourself and the transition from a girl to becoming woman in Girling Up. She stresses that when her two boys were younger, there was not a focus on television and electronics, but rather exploration and utilizing their imagination.

She emphasizes sports, yet avoiding the obsession with winning. "Media depictions of how males should look and behave in society are not always a positive example." It is one reason she decided to write these books now.

With “The Big Bang Theory” off the air this year, Bialik has been working on her next move.

“I have no concrete plans, which is both terrifying and liberating,” she said. “I will help my boys finish out their year, continue writing, making YouTube videos, and see what’s next.”

She also wrote a screenplay, which she hopes to direct later this year.

Bialik’s entertaining and educational women’s lifestyle site, GrokNation, covers subjects like decluttering, cooking with your kids, parenting, how to be newly single, women’s issues, culture, faith, “The Big Bang Theory”, and other Hollywood topics, community activism and even a family’s recent diagnosis with Down Syndrome.

As a neuroscientist, author, actor, speaker, community activist, feminist and her admittedly most important role as a mother, she shares openly and honestly about her life. Issues are discussed in the most relatable of ways, as Bialik realizes we are all figuring life out together.

The site aims to activate readers, engaging them with online conversations, leading to action, mobilizing people, leading to change the world as a community.

Bialik has enlightened, educated, entertained and supported our youth through her well-researched and thoughtful books. With her latest works, we now have a platform for Girls to be “Strong, Smart and Spectacular,” and for boys to be “Brave, Bold and Brilliant.”

FOLLOW MAYIM BIALIK ON GROKNATION.COM, FACEBOOK, TWITTER AND INSTAGRAM @MISSMAYIM. BOYING UP AND GIRLING UP CAN BE FOUND WHEREVER BOOKS ARE SOLD.

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SUMMER

SUMMER STROLL

PLANTING THE SEEDS OF INSPIRATION

ALTA VISTA BOTANICAL GARDENS The best-kept secret in North County

BY EVA TRIEGER

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n the last 10 years, I have driven right by this hidden gem a handful of times, completely unaware that such a divine place existed. But recently, I was given a tour by a delightful couple who were instrumental in growing (pardon the pun) the Alta Vista Botanical Gardens of Vista.

Naomi and Bill Stein are two of 14 board members who are united by a single passion: to create a botanical garden for the education, enlightenment and inspiration of our children, and the child within us all.

The mission statement includes the anticipated and desired involvement of the community to protect and preserve the endangered habitats within its walls. From what I saw, the Alta Vista Botanical Gardens is certainly achieving its goals. The gardens are a gathering place for education, enjoyment and the appreciation of whimsical artworks.

A collection of themed plots including an Australian garden,

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a desert garden, a medicinal herb garden, a heritage rose garden, a culinary herb garden and a jungle garden make up the larger Botanical Gardens. A Pan-Asian garden is in the works as well. Each garden is created, landscaped and maintained by donors and volunteers. I found the Children’s Music Garden the most enchanting, owing largely to its clever features ... more on that in a moment.

The history of the gardens dates back to May 1999. A specialist in palm trees, Dr. M.E. Darian created his own forest just above Moonlight Theater on Brengle Terrace Park in Vista.

The city of Vista showed support by donating a $50,000 gift toward the project. Since that time, the garden has enjoyed the support of civic groups, industry suppliers, members of the Garden and a multitude of volunteers.

Currently, two part-time workers aid in the maintenance of the 13acre garden.

In 1977, after enduring another frigid New Jersey

L’CHAIM SAN DIEGO MAGAZINE • JUNE/JULY 2019

winter, a cold house and perpetually runny-nosed kids the Steins moved their family to California. Naomi and Bill left their jobs in the fashion industry and never looked back. They bravely bought a landscaping company and applied their skills to learning about the unique and abundant California flora and fauna.

In 2008, the Steins lost their son, Jeffrey. The 37-year old had been a generous man and a talented musician before his death. For this reason, in

2010, the Steins dedicated the Children’s Music garden [in his honor] and filled it with several exciting instruments and attractions. Some of the instruments were created by local metal artist, Robert Rochin. They remain outdoors year-round and entice children to create music on drums, xylophones and — my favorite — the piano pebble chime. Recently a drumming circle was held in the garden.

The Children’s garden is also home to a wobble bridge, a butterfly tepee, hurdles, a

balance beam, a human sundial, several fun sculptures (including many by the well-known artist, Ricardo Breceda) and Alice’s hidden tea room. A discovery trail wends through the garden, boasting 19 plant quiz boxes, each with a riddle about the plants surrounding it. Children are treated to programs led by Nancy Jones, an area educator.

Her focus is to educate and encourage children to protect the environment through a cleanup program entitled “Only Losers Litter.”

The Alta Vista Botanical Gardens are sustained by donations and volunteers almost exclusively. The water bill alone can run as much as $4,000 a month, as you might imagine. To offset some costs, a minimal entry fee of $5 per person is charged. Additionally, the exceptional grounds include areas for receptions and events such as weddings, celebrations of life and private parties.

Autumn features Novemberfest, a celebration with music, local breweries, vendors and

booths. The highlight in April is “Meading at the Garden,” a major fundraiser which hosts 20 meaderies and local breweries, as well as lots of booths and games. Fourth of July is another big event for the Gardens, which provide top shelf viewing of Moonlight’s fireworks!

Whatever your pleasure, playful sculptures, eco-friendly landscape ideas, herbs or rare Heritage Roses, the Alta Vista Botanical Gardens tops the list of worthwhile spots to visit in North County. The place has

a positive aura and though it’s only minutes from Vista Village Drive, is a world unto itself.

Picnicking is encouraged and the interactive gardens welcome “children and the child within us all.”

FOR MORE INFORMATION VISIT ALTAVISTABOTANICALGARDENS.ORG.

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GUEST COLUMN

IN RESPONSE A response to "When Will the Hate Stop"

BY FELICIA GIPSMAN

W

hen will the hate stop? It won’t stop until we as a nation are willing to look to the real sources of anti-Semitism. On any given day, at any given moment, on almost any University, there are students who are afraid to speak up for Israel. There are students who are afraid to be openly Jewish. Why do we need organizations that were formed just to protect Jewish students on college campuses? Students are afraid to voice their pro-Israel opinions for fear of reprisal from the professors. If you’re looking for an education in the silencing of opposing ideas and the normalization of anti-Semitism, send your kids to college. If you want to add insult to injury, understand that your tuition payments plus your tax dollars pay the salaries of professors at all of the UC campuses who can then tell your Jewish students that Israel is no different than Nazi Germany. An “I love Hamas” sticker adorns a UC professor’s door. That leaves a lot of room for open discussion.

Let’s lose the selective outrage and hold people accountable whether it’s our elected officials, mainstream media, social media or universities. Whether you like him or hate him, Trump is the first president to have some moral integrity when it comes to calling out

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L’CHAIM SAN DIEGO MAGAZINE • JUNE/JULY 2019

When twothirds of millennials don’t even know what Auschwitz is, but they know every character on every reality TV show, we are in big trouble. those who spew vile hatred towards Jews and Israel. He’s willing to take a stand, unlike the majority of people in political office. 700 rockets fired into Israel wasn’t enough for a single democratic presidential candidate to take a stand against murder and hate.

If a presidential candidate isn’t willing to take a stand before they’re elected, imagine what they’ll do once they’re in office. This isn’t a partisan issue, it’s a

humanitarian issue. Don’t let politics cloud our vision in regard to what is happening to the Jewish people and Israel.

I am the daughter and daughter-inlaw of Holocaust survivors. This story is looking frighteningly familiar. It’s even scarier knowing that the benefit of historical hindsight still isn’t enough to wake people up. When two-thirds of millennials don’t even know what Auschwitz is, but they know every character on every reality TV show, we are in big trouble.

When Dennis Prager videos are taken off YouTube for hate speech but Omar Suleiman, a BDS supporter who compares Jews to Nazis, is asked to give the opening prayer at the United States House of Representatives’ opening session, we are not ready to have a real conversation about ending the hate.

When will the hate stop? When we are honest about where that hate is coming from.

The views in this column do not necessarily reflect those of L’CHAIM magazine or its publishers. Reprinted with permission from Felicia Gipsman.

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SUMMER

SUMMER CAMP

THE BRIDGE BETWEEN

YOUNG ISRAELIS AND DIASPORA JEWRY By working directly with young adults, camp catches Israelis and Americans at a time in their lives when they are open to new ideas and cultures.

BY RACHEL MOORE | JNS.org

K

ibbutz Shfayim is simply gorgeous. With palm trees and Hebrew signs everywhere, it doesn’t have the feel of an American summer camp.

Yet somehow, with enough American camp staff, small bunk-like guest houses and goofy ice-breaker games being conducted in circles all over the lawn, it’s actually quite easy to feel transported. Throw in a performance by Rick Recht teaching American-accented Hebrew words in song on a stage, and it really feels like you have been beamed over to any one of the 206 American camps that bring in Israelis to work as camp counselors through the “Shlichim” program.

The Camp Shlichim program, run by the Jewish Agency for Israel, facilitates a mutually beneficial cultural exchange between Israeli and Diaspora Jews. Shlichim (“emissaries”) are Israeli young adults who travel to North America to work in Jewish summer camps. They

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take part in camp life, sharing Jewish traditions, teaching about Israeli and Jewish culture, and serving as role models for Jewish campers. American staff work together with their Israeli counterparts.

The Jewish Agency hosts and facilitates several such training events throughout March and April for the 1,400 young adults who leaves each June for the United States. Each four-daylong training seminar consists of ice-breakers, simulation of the “American camp experience,” introductions to the national staff, hearing from JAFI leadership and camp directors, learning about how to identify educational opportunities, how to work with children, and how to bring one’s personal story and Israel’s national story to the camp experience.

The seminar is also full of opportunities for participants to get to know each other and get excited about the summer.

L’CHAIM SAN DIEGO MAGAZINE • JUNE/JULY 2019

It is a project that demonstrates inter-organizational cooperation in the Jewish world at its best, bringing together the Jewish Agency for Israel, Young Judaea, the Union for Reform Judaism, the Ramah Camping Movement, Habonim Dror North America, the Association of Independent Jewish Camps and the JCC Association of North America.

The dedication of North American Jewish camp professionals to the shlichim program is demonstrated by the large number of American camp staff who fly to Israel specifically for these training days. American

camp professionals who attended were emphatic about the tremendously positive impact of including Israelis on their staff.

Tomer Moked, Israeli assistant director of Tamarack Camp Maas in Michigan, said “Israelis bring a spice and a passion and an energy to camp. They have a strong work ethic, and camp benefits from their skills and maturity post-army.”

The Foundation for Jewish Camp has long been an outspoken advocate for the J-1 Camp Counselor and Summer Work Travel program, which enable the shlichim cultural

PHOTO BY TALIA GARBER.

Jewish Agency Israeli Emissaries in training at Kibbutz Shfayim. The Jewish Agency for Israel hosts and facilitates several training events annually throughout March and April for the 1,400 young adults who will leave in June for the United States.

exchange to take place. Over the past two years, the status of the J-1 Visa has been in question in the United States, and FJC has worked closely with the American Camp Association to lobby for the protection of the program.

Jeremy J. Fingerman, CEO of the Foundation for Jewish Camp, said “international staff, and particularly the Israeli shlichim, promote global Jewish peoplehood. These team members make an impact on our campers and counselors alike — broadening horizons,

sharing cultures and adding new energy, languages and perspectives to our community.

In particular, the presence of Israeli shlichim is essential to the mission of American Jewish camps in having a profound impact on young Jewish people by nurturing a strong personal connection to Israel in the next generation of Jewish leaders.”

The participants mostly come to the program via word of mouth from alumni all over the country. They come primarily to “have fun and meet people.”

In a room of Israelis from

all parts of the country and exhibiting a wide range of ages, who were jumping up and down and clapping hands to a very American version of “Hinei Ma Tov,” JAFI chairman Isaac Herzog brought this point home: “You are going on this adventure to give American campers a taste of Israel, as ambassadors of Israel, to give them a sense of what Israel is like. But you are coming back as ambassadors to Israel.

To bring some of the unique vibrancy of the American Jewish experience back to Israel.”

In the wake of this year’s

GA theme “Let’s Talk,” there are many efforts to find ways to bridge the widening gap of culture and understanding between Israel and Diaspora Judaism.

The shlichim program is one of those initiatives. By working directly with young adults, it catches Israeli and Americans at a time in their lives when they are open to new ideas and cultures. It’s an investment in the next generation of Israeli and Diaspora Jews in conversation together.

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SUMMER

JEWISH TENNIS PROJECT

'MATCH' THIS 'LOVE':

ISRAEL'S TOP TENNIS PLAYERS LAUNCH NEW SPORTS PROJECT The Jewish Tennis Project is a nonprofit foundation that seeks to provide participants with the opportunity to train and reach a worldclass, competitive level of play, combining tennis instruction with education to instill a connection

BY HOWARD BLAS | JNS.org

I

sraeli tennis legends Shlomo Glickstein and Shahar Peer continue to represent Israel and the Jewish people on and off the court. The two top players were honored at a series of events in mid-March in South Florida marking the launch of the Jewish Tennis Project (JTP).

The JTP is a nonprofit foundation that seeks to provide Jewish tennis players an opportunity to train and reach a world-class, competitive level of play. The program combines tennis instruction with highquality education geared to instill a deep connection to Jewish culture and Israel.

The idea grew out of a fourweek visit to Hungary by Assaf Ingber, Israeli high-performance coach and former coach of Israeli tennis player Julia Glushko.

Ingber spent a summer teaching tennis at Szarvas, a summercamp program in Hungary that serves 1,600 children from 30 countries in a series of 12-day sessions.

“I heard the kids say what it

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means to them and how it changed their lives,” reports Ingber, referring to the sense of Jewish identity the participants gained at the camp, immersed in Jewish living and learning.

Ingber reflected on his own experience as a child athlete: “When I was a player, all I did was play tennis, only hitting the ball.” He had little time to focus on Jewish culture and identity.

Ingber notes that “the JTP program combines top-level tennis, including the best facilities, atmosphere and tournaments, with a secular and Jewish education.” He is realistic in also noting the need to provide an education for the aspiring tennis players. “Just in case their children don’t become [Roger] Federer or Serena [Williams], they will have a tennis education, and a general and Jewish education.”

The program is part of the David Posnack Jewish Day School in Davie, Fla. “It is such a good educational environment

L’CHAIM SAN DIEGO MAGAZINE • JUNE/JULY 2019

Israeli tennis star Shahar Peer at “Kids Day” at the David Posnack JCC in Florida.

with great courts and gyms — and their Jewish identity won’t suffer,” said Ingber. “They won’t have to feel shy, scared or insecure to say they are Jewish.”

The program will initially support five or six students, including two Israelis, which Ingber feels will “help integration and make the program great.”

The American students will also hear Hebrew and develop a connection with Israel. The goal of the program is to train 20 to 30 students into highperformance players in the first two years at bases in both Davie and Aventura, Fla. Programs will also take place in Mexico, Panama, Colombia and Brazil, serving a total of 500 young players at all levels. Participants will share Jewish experiences and travel to Israel.

Shlomo Glickstein, who retired from professional tennis in 1988, reached a career-high singles’ ranking of World No. 22, played in all four tennis Grand Slams and reached the quarterfinals of Wimbledon in 1981, was on hand in Florida to play in a number of exhibition matches, as well as coach local children and greet supporters.

Glickstein served until recently as CEO of the Israel Tennis Association. He was approached by Ingber about potentially getting involved in a number of tennis-related projects. “I thought the JTP program was a very positive, professional, educational project, so I got involved,” he reports.

He reiterates the goals of the program: “to give mainly Jewish American kids a chance to get

PHOTO CREDIT: JEWISH TENNIS PROJECT.

to the top of the tennis world, to get a Jewish education and to connect to Israel. It will also give them an opportunity to connect to all of the Jewish people in Florida and elsewhere.”

Shahar Peer, 31 and five months pregnant, enjoyed participating in the JTP kickoff.

“It was an honor to join the JTP at their event last weekend in Florida. I enjoyed sharing the court with Shlomo and coming out to support this important new program to develop Jewish tennis players. It is exciting that there is a program to focus on tennis skills, Jewish identity and connection to Israel.”

Peer reached the highest ranking of any Israeli tennis player in history: Her best singles’ ranking was No. 11; she reached No. 14 in doubles. She

won five career singles and three doubles titles on the Women’s Tennis Association (WTA) tour.

Peer retired from professional tennis in February 2017.

Fans were impressed with Glickstein and Peer’s commitment to the new organization — and, of course, with their skills on the court. In a phone interview with JNS in Israel, Glickstein said he “plays sometimes,” noting that “you never forget how to play; it is still in your blood.”

He added, “I can still hit the ball,” though concedes that it’s “a little harder on the legs. I don’t move as well as I used to!”

Canadian documentary filmmaker, writer and investigative journalist Ian Halperin was one of the honored guests at the March 16 weekend

tennis event. He is the author and/or co-author of nine books about such celebrities as Michael Jackson, Celine Dion, James Taylor and Kurt Cobain. He recently served as executive producer of the movie, “Wish You Weren’t Here: The Dark Side of Roger Waters.”

Halperin shared that his father, a Holocaust survivor, had to hide in a hole when he was 6 years old to survive. “When Roger Waters said that Israel is worse than Nazi Germany, I couldn’t stand it.” He made the film about Waters, following him all over North America in the attempt to get “under his skin.”

But the weekend in South Florida was not at controversial.

An elated Halperin tweeted a picture with himself, Peer and Glickstein and wrote, “Honored

to have played this weekend with top two Israeli players ever, Shahar Peer and Shlomo Glickstein. Jewish Tennis Project #saynotobds.”

Halperin states that “Glickstein is to Israeli and Jewish athletes what Jackie Robinson was to the African-American community!”

He was impressed that both sports stars played three hours a day “and didn’t miss a ball.”

Halpern described Peer as “the best volleyer in the game, even at five months pregnant.”

He said the “weekend was monumental and historic,” as it not only brought the top two Israeli tennis legends on the same court, but more importantly, put smiles on the kids’ faces.

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FEATURE

STANDING Together

Combatting the Many Faces of Hatred

By Deborah Vietor

Note from the Publisher: I would like to acknowledge the compassionate response our community overall has shown to me as a representative of Poway Chabad after I wrote last month that my son was a Bar Mitzvah there.

I have received many condolences from neighbors, acquaintances and other people since the shooting. They tell me how sorry they feel for the Synagogue and how frightened they feel just knowing that antisemitism is on the rise.

We are all proud of Rabbi Goldstein, who continues to spread his message that 30

L’CHAIM SAN DIEGO MAGAZINE • JUNE/JULY 2019

light overcomes darkness. The response of our community is proof of this. Yashar Koach!

-- Diane Benaroya, Publisher, L'CHAIM Magazine

W

ith anti-Semitic incidents increasing in scope and occurrence, how do we as a community, a nation and a universe stop the tyranny created by those who feel weak, confused, disenfranchised and powerless?

We are aware that only the most cowardly approach people during worship with weapons. We are armed by love and faith

in G-d, a belief in humanity, education and community far more powerful than bullets and weapons.

As Jews, we combat oppression and fear just as our ancestors did, standing up to tyranny and performing Tikkun Olam. We continue to pray, mourning the loss of precious life and an innocence which cannot be regained.

We aim to stand together as a community, formed by those of all denominations and nationalities, here to learn, educate and unify, through love and compassion. Through outreach and education and strength in our faith, we hope to conquer hatred in all forms,

FEATURE

addressing this insidious weakness from those with a quest for power and destruction in our society.

L’CHAIM spoke with several key community members about recent events, including the shooting at Chabad Poway, and what the future looks like for the Jewish community.

TG: The FBI says if you see something, say something. Recently, we received a call about a neighbor posting a confederate flag along with Nazi posters, swastikas and pictures of Hitler, visible to the neighbors. Reporting these types of incidents [is important]. Again, if you see something, say something.

Tammy Gillies, San Diego Regional Director of the Anti-Defamation League discussed her organization’s response to the shooting at Chabad Poway. Read on to learn more about how our community leaders process the situation.

L’CHAIM Magazine: What was ADL’s role following the shooting at Chabad Poway?

Tammy Gilles: We were on the scene once we received a call from law enforcement and immediately gathered as much information about the shooter as possible, while assuring sensitivity practices were in place to support victims and witnesses. We coordinated efforts with law enforcement throughout San Diego so that officers could be at each synagogue [in town] explaining the tragedy and recent events while ensuring everyone’s safety, providing short term safety planning.

The ADL is the largest non governmental trainer for law enforcement in the country.

We worked with Victim’s Assistance along with our partners at Jewish Family Service, focusing on sensitivity issues. We also spent the afternoon and evening at Rabbi Goldstein’s house, offering support and respect during Shabbat.

We organized a 4,000 plus person vigil at Poway High School on the football field in an effort to show solidarity and support throughout the entire community. At a Town Hall at Rancho Bernardo High School, I explained to the crowd that while we are a Jewish community, often different in practice and political views, we need to stand together. The haters don’t ask what form of Judaism we practice; hatred toward Jews must not be tolerated at any level.

"When people do not believe that Israel has the right to exist as a Jewish state or that the Jewish people to not have a right to selfdetermination, we believe that it is anti-Semitic," ADL's Gilles says.

L’CHAIM: As Jews, what can we do to prevent anti-Semitism?

L’CHAIM: How are hate groups reaching our youth, in addition to websites?

TG: Local hate groups perpetuate their particular line of thinking though organization and meetings. The shooter [at Chabad Poway]was radicalized online through the dark web which does not follow guidelines of other conventional websites.

L’CHAIM: What is the ADL’s stance on BDS (Boycott, Divest, Sanction) and the safety of college students on campuses where BDS activity is increasing?

TG: The ADL feels BDS at it’s core is antiSemitic, and we work to fight groups that support BDS, as well as to educate [the public] about what BDS is really about.

Not everyone in the BDS movement is anti-

Semitic; [for example] some college students may see it as supporting Palestinians, not as hatred [against Jews]. As we move toward social justice, we provide strategies, including identifying and calling out hatred, as it is unacceptable in any form.

When people do not believe that Israel has the right to exist as a Jewish state or that the Jewish people to not have a right to self-determination, we believe that it is anti-Semitic. Criticism of Israel, be it by the government or through policies, is valid. The belief that Israel does not have a right to exist is not.

L’CHAIM: What are some of the way’s that ADL connects with the San Diego community?

TG: One of our signature programs in area schools is “No Place For Hate,” and we work in 100 schools throughout several San Diego school districts, with ongoing programming, creating safe schools for all.

ADL led the effort regarding the Federal Hate Crimes Act, which provides legislation against those committing hate crimes and how they will be punished at a higher level.

Asking Congress to hold hearings against hate crimes and put resources toward fighting them, we look to the Federal government for answers about what this means to a community. Gillies referenced the Mathew Shepard and James Byrd Federal Hate Crimes Act as a foundation and lasting example for these laws.

L’CHAIM: What does the ADL see for the future of San Diego?

TG: We will remain strong as a community, and continue to hold events such as the Walk Against Hate. To quote Rav Nachman, “The world is a narrow bridge and the most important thing is not to be afraid.”

Micha “Mitch” Danzig served in the IDF, (Israel Defense Forces,) is a former NYPD police officer and an employment attorney with Mintz in San Diego. He also served as a board member of T.E.A.M., (Training and Education About the Middle East,) and is the current local President of StandWithUs. WWW.LCHAIMMAGAZINE.COM

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FEATURE

L’CHAIM Magazine: To what do you attribute this current trend of antiSemitism, whether from the far right or the far left groups?

Micha Danzig: Anti-Semitism is a racist conspiracy theory based in hatred and it morphs in ways that other hatreds and bigotries do not; and the conspiracy theory nature of anti- Semitism has always included, particularly since the times of the Czar’s fake “Protocols of the Elders of Zion” and Henry Ford’s “International Jew,” the view that Jews exert an almost supernatural and nefarious control over the society or the international community that is forced to suffer our existence. To the anti-Semite Jews are a kind of uniquely evil and powerful oppressor who must be resisted and destroyed.

Today, there are 3 main sources of antiSemitism that are converging on us and acting to further normalize anti-Semitism.

They are the far-right, the far-left and radical Islam. And while these very disparate groups agree on very little, the one thing they agree on is the idea of Jews or the Jewish nation’s unique and dangerous evil. It is why the farright neo-Nazi Tree of Life murderer posted on Gab that “Jews are the children of Satan,” and it is why, Louis Farrakhan, repeatedly says exactly the same thing about Jews. It is why David Duke applauds Ilhan Omar when she tweets abut Israel having supernatural powers to hypnotize the world to ignore its evil, or when she tweets about Jews (through AIPAC) controlling Congress with their money.

It is why the New York Times, a mainstream left-leaning paper, recently published an egregiously anti-Semitic cartoon depicting the Jewish Prime Minister of Israel as a dog leading a blind president of the USA, (the most powerful country in the world,) to do the Jew’s bidding.

The conspiracy theory nature of antiSemitism makes it like a virus. And the more we tolerate it, the more we don’t act to stop it, the faster it spreads.

L’CHAIM Magazine: What are your views regarding security at our places of worship?

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L’CHAIM SAN DIEGO MAGAZINE • JUNE/JULY 2019

MD: We have a duty to better defend our places of worship, placing more “obstacles,” so to speak between those who want to cause harm and the object of their hatred, such as fencing, security cameras, and security officers.

Rabbi Yair Yelin, of Chabad Alef Center of San Marcos and California State University, San Marcos, weighed in on the current state of affairs in our community.

L’CHAIM Magazine: What do you believe drives anti-Semitism and hate crimes?

YY: Anti-Semitism is founded on irrational hate. The Poway shooter, for example did not know Lori Kaye z”l, or any other Chabad of Poway members. He simply hated them for one reason only, being Jews. That is irrational.

The biggest threat of anti-Semitism are people who try to rationalize it so others buy into it. This threat is the area in which educational institutions are failing to address.

The Rebbe, Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson said that “When it’s dark we add light and when it gets darker, we add even more light.” Anti-Semitism operates in the darkness. We see people criticizing Israel for defending themselves, we see the media downplaying the attacks of Hamas, etc.

What we don’t see is the underlying antiSemitism.

Light, on the contrary represents clarity.

Adding light means in some sense, exposing the underlying irrational hate of antiSemitism. The most effective way of adding light to our campuses is through education.

Chabad at CSUSM is proposing to start an open forum at the beginning of each semester in which students will have a safe zone to ask any questions related to Jews, anti-Semitism and racism. We believe that keeping an open conversation on these topics will help reaffirm the values of the campus as well as prevent good people from becoming indoctrinated by evil ideologies.

For us as Jews, adding light also has a more spiritual meaning. Our strength has always been our faith and commitment to take action. This is the way the Torah teaches us, to add light. Each Mitzvah that we do adds a little more light to this world. Every Shabbat

candle, every Teffilin, every act of kindness, every time we bring our children to Shul is a testimony that AM Israel Chai!

Rabbi Gary Ezra Oren, Executive Director for Hillel of San Diego, shared his views on the current landscape regarding college campus activity and the mission of Hillel.

L’CHAIM Magazine: How do you believe students on our college campuses are affected by anti-Semitism?

GO: A student at UCSD recently held “Justice in Palestine Week,” (formerly referred to as Israel Apartheid Week,) with collateral and other materials depicting offensive images, lies and false rhetoric toward Jews. The ramifications of groups such as [those that advocate] BDS call for the elimination of the State of Israel. Currently, instead of saying anti-Semitic, people are saying anti-Zionist.

We are called to do something great as G-d’s partner every day. We need more order and less chaos.

L’CHAIM: What kind of work does Hillel do on campus to help Jewish students have conversations about Israel and the Jewish people?

GO: [Hillel] holds interfaith discussions and events, stressing that all are welcome at Hillel.

We encourage political discussions with students regarding the landscape and political climate in Israel and the United States, stressing that discussion is fine, critique is fine, dislike of certain policy is fine, however anything where the end result is elimination of the state of Israel is unacceptable. I believe in giving students as many tools and truth as possible, encouraging and supporting them through Judaism.

You have to stand up against hate, when we stand alone it’s not enough. We are all made in G-d’s image, we are infinitely and equally valuable.

Through these conversations, I noticed a common thread: we must not tolerate hatred and anti-Semitism in any form. If we must be in a race, let it be the human race.

HELPING

FEATURE

Children

Dealing with Grief | BY TERRA PALEY

D

r. Katie Eastman is a trauma, grief and loss specialist who gets called in to communities worldwide when tragedies happen, and when things are tough in unexpected ways.

“When trauma strikes, especially when someone intentionally causes harm, we experience shock,” she said. “For children, continually reassuring them that they are safe is vital. Maintaining routines, time with friends, listening and allowing them to regress allows them to regroup and destabilize their sense of internal and external safety.”

The following are age appropriate guidelines to handling grief.

Younger children (under five years old) need short, age appropriate answers to their questions and reassurance that there’s no reason to believe they and their loved ones are unsafe. They may regress into behaviors once mastered and it’s okay to allow them to do this now. It is recognizing that it is their temporary way of telling you they need more support.

Children aged 5-10 are more likely to ask repetitive detailed questions and they

need brief, honest responses with concrete language. Death is something they experience primarily in entertainment related media.

The reality of what it means in their lives may need to be replayed repeatedly while they make sense of what happened.

Older children and youth understand the permanency of death and the greater impact of trauma. They may want peer support and help in identifying how a traumatic loss changes who they are in a family, in the world and as an emerging adult. Existential “why “ questions are often asked and adults need to be honest about not having any answers but honoring the shared questions.

When trauma happens, we all struggle with the reasons for it and reatssuring, loving, honest responses are difficult but essential.

Most importantly, how we model our grief response is what we teach through example.

Being fully present, sharing emotions, and loving unconditionally make the most difference in supporting each other through these horrific unfathomable tragedies.

As adults, after a traumatic event our values and beliefs are challenged. We are

faced with existential why questions and it’s an important part of our healing. Making sense of what is senseless challenges us to our core. Supporting one another in our shock and disbelief and focusing on loving gestures can help us maintain our daily lives.

The early period of grief can feel like “sleepwalking.” Everything feels surreal.

Most of us may not have lost a loved one but are overwhelmed at the enormity of the situation. Just hearing the news and being consumed by the event (as many of us are) calls for a time of more self care. Take a walk or a nap, make a favorite meal or call someone. Do what comforts you and what you can to comfort others.

Communicating with someone who has suffered traumatic loss is like looking into a mirror and it’s hard. None of us wants to face the realities of tragic loss and yet our friends and neighbors need us to maintain a presence with them that allows them to experience their grief. Unconditional presence and kindness is the greatest source of healing.

This applies in the broader sense to your community as well.

“This is not an easy process for anyone,” Dr. Eastman said. “We need each other. Take some time to heal and don’t isolate yourself.

Talk to your neighbors, hear them out, give time to the elderly who may be totally confused as this is so out of all of our realms.

Just be more aware that everyone is more on edge right now. Support each other, friends, family and strangers.”

DR. KATIE EASTMAN IS A NATIONAL GRIEF/TRAUMA THERAPIST, AND CONSULTANT WITH RECREATE COACHING AND COUNSELING IN ANACORTES, WASH. EMAIL HER AT KATEEAS@GMAIL.COM.

WWW.LCHAIMMAGAZINE.COM

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FAMILY | BY CHANA JENNY WEISBERG

jewish

mom.com The Letter I Wrote to G-d, in Berdichev, for You

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instein once said, “Coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous.” And a bunch of “coincidences” of that nature took place during our 5-day trip to gravesites of Tsadikim in the Ukraine.

And here’s one that’s connected to you.

Recently, I’ve fallen in love with the new book Tnufat Haomer: Character Development by the Sefirot by Rabbi Meir Gueta (Hebrew).

Yesterday morning, while my daughter and I were on our way to visit the grave of Rav Levi Yitzchak of Berdichev, I was reading Rabbi Gueta’s reflections on the sefira of the day, and right there, Einsteinstyle, Rabbi Gueta shared a story about the very rabbi whose grave we were about to visit.

And this was the story he shared: Once, a few hours before the seder, Rav Levi Yitzchak heard a Jew complaining about the Jewish people, pointing out the faults and lackings of his fellow Jews.

Rabbi Levi Yitzchak called him over and said, “There is a man who is critically ill, and the only thing that can save his life is noodle kugel. You must find him some!”

“But Rebbe, Passover is almost here! Noodle kugel is chametz!”

But Rav Levi Yitzchak insisted, so the man knocked on the door of every single Jewish home in Berdichev in search of noodle kugel and couldn’t find a single Jew who had any chametz whatsoever.

Deflated, the man returned to Rabbi Levi Yitzchak and explained what had happened.

Rebbe Levi Yitzchak then told him, “Well, there is one other thing that could save this man’s life–Turkish tobacco.”

“But Rebbe, owning Turkish tobacco is forbidden by the Czar; it’s a crime punishable by death!”

But again, Rabbi Levi Yitzchak insisted, and the man discovered that, if the price was right, every gentile he approached was in possession of Turkish tobacco.

The man, in shock, returned to Rabbi Levi Yitzchak and told him what had happened.

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And in response, Rabbi Levi Yitzchak, widely known as the “Defense Attorney of the Jewish People” turned his eyes Heavenward: “Master of the Universe, look at your people! The Gentiles, despite all the policemen and guards enforcing the Czar’s laws, each one owns Turkish tobacco. And in the Jewish homes, with not a single policeman or guard enforcing Your laws, it’s completely impossible, for all the money in the world, to find a single crumb of chametz on Pesach!”

Shortly after reading this story, my daughter and I arrived at Rabbi Levi Yitzchak’s grave. And sitting by Rav Levi Yitzchak’s grave I opened my journal and wrote Hashem the following letter: “Dear Hashem, The Tsadik buried here was known as the Defense Attorney of the Jewish People, always defending us from judgment.

Like the Jews in the times of Rav Levi Yitzchak, Jewish mothers are faced with great challenges: physically, emotionally, even spiritually at times. Nobody has the right to judge us when our lives are as challenging as they are. And we also shouldn’t judge ourselves. We can try to be better, to improve, but without judgment. Like we wouldn’t judge a child who has a cast on his right arm for having messy handwriting. Please help me to help Jewish Moms see that, to see our goodness. To see that our role is far from easy, but, despite that, every day we get up and care for our kids, raising them as Jews and taking care of our homes and serving Hashem, even though it’s often extremely difficult. Like the Jews in the time of Rav Levi Yitzchak who, Passover Eve, wouldn’t have owned a slice of noodle kugel for all the money in the world.”

CHANA JENNY WEISBERG, THE CREATOR OF JEWISHMOM.COM, IS A STAY-HOME MOTHER OF 8 CHILDREN LIVING IN JERUSALEM WITH HER HUSBAND, RABBI JOSHUA WEISBERG. ORIGINALLY FROM BALTIMORE, CHANA JENNY HAS DEVOTED HER NONMOM TIME OVER THE PAST DECADE TO PROVIDING INSPIRATION AND ENCOURAGEMENT FOR OTHER JEWISH MOMS THROUGH HER POPULAR BOOKS EXPECTING MIRACLES AND ONE BABY STEP AT A TIME.

Rakefet Benderly, PH.D Clinical Psychologist North County (PSY 15064)

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A TORAH ATOP MASADA AS JNF ANNOUNCES "BE INSCRIBED" comfortably house a scribe behind a glass wall, affording visitors the opportunity to watch him at work.

The act of creating a new Torah is strenuous, with 304,805 letters to be written in Hebrew with a quill on calfskin or parchment by a trained scribe. Be Inscribed prices vary and begin at $36.00 for a letter, $90 for a word, $360.00 for a verse, a paragraph at $540, a chapter at $1,800, a weekly portion at $3600, and full Torah for $100,000 (taking nine months to complete). With each Torah’s completion, Jewish National Fund-USA donates it to a community in either the Negev Desert or the Galilee.

“We’re building a safe and vibrant land of Israel by scribing Torah scrolls on top of Masada that once symbolized our destruction but now symbolizes our life,” explained Ron Werner, of Denver, CO, Jewish National Fund-USA’s national assistant secretary and president of the board of directors at Alexander Muss High School in Israel (AMHSI-JNF), who’s campus just outside of Tel Aviv received the first Be Inscribed Torah last July. “Torah is the soul of the Jewish people and our moral compass. By connecting people to Torah, we elevate the whole equation and will build better bonds between Jewry and Israel.”

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or the first time ever, the public can be part of a unique piece of history as Jewish National Fund-USA (JNF-USA) offers Be Inscribed, an opportunity to buy letters, sentences, portions, or an entire Torah scroll handwritten by a scribe atop the ancient cliff fortress of Masada.

Be Inscribed is the perfect gift to honor or remember loved ones, family, and friends, while contributing to the legacy, perseverance, bravery, and commitment of the Jewish people. With Be Inscribed, anyone can be part of of a new Torah that is being hand scribed on the very site where 2,000 years ago Jews revolted against Roman forces attempting to seize and enslave the last of the Jews rebelling against Roman rule.

Today, a scribe is writing new Torahs for Jewish National FundUSA’s Be Inscribed in the very same synagogue that once housed the Torahs of Masada. In 2004, the synagogue was rebuilt and a Torah was placed there, and in 2008, a room was reconditioned to

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The Historical Value of Be Inscribed According to the historian Josephus Flavius, it was in 73 CE when Roman troops finally broke into Masada after a year of intense resistance by nearly 1,000 Jews, only to find that its inhabitants chose to take their own lives rather than be enslaved. In 1963, archeologist Yigael Yadin conducted a full-scale excavation of Masada, uncovering and restoring many of the buildings, as well as fragments of the Torahs buried by the Masada residents before they perished. Today, Masada and its history are a symbol of courage for the young Jewish state as it too struggled for survival.

WITH BE INSCRIBED, EVERY PERSON HAS THE ABILITY TO PARTICIPATE IN THE SCARED ACT OF WRITING A TORAH AND BE PART OF ANCIENT HISTORY BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE. FOR MORE INFORMATION AND DETAILS, PLEASE VISIT WWW.BEINSCRIBED. ORG. FOR MORE INFORMATION ABOUT JEWISH NATIONAL FUND-USA PLEASE VISIT WWW.JNF.ORG.

HUMOR | BY STEPHANIE LEWIS

mazel

& mishagoss 13 New (Quirky?) Uses for Your Cellphone Camera

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elfie overkill and using smartphone cameras as mirrors is so yesterday (and vain!) so I’m assuming you already take pictures of your refrigerator or pantry contents before you go to the supermarket, right? And you know to take a photo of where you park your car in the huge shopping mall, yes? Good, because today we’re getting extra creative!

1. While lounging on your stomach at

the beach, reach around and click your backside to check if you’re burning.

Photograph nearby scantily dressed sun worshipper’s bodies as well to prove they’re overdoing it. They’ll thank you — Jewish mother genes at their best!

2. Before you loan out a book or power

tool to someone, first take their picture holding the item so you’ll remember who has what. (Once word gets out that you do this, unattractive friends won’t borrow your stuff.)

time the plumber visits.

5. Snap your last haircut so you can

bring it back to the stylist next time and insist she do it the exact same way. Alternatively, bring it to a new beautician and admonish her never to cut your hair like that. Ever!

6. Take a picture of the hot/cold lever

in your shower so you’ll remember how it’s positioned for just the right temperature. Do the same thing with the little dial on your toaster after you’ve crisped the perfect bagel.

Goodbye trial and error!

4. Capture which issues are displayed on

your bathroom magazine rack when you have a clogged toilet so you’ll make sure to put different covers out next

10. Keep photos of your friends and

relatives (at concerts, parties, vacations) caught mid-blink and post them all online in an album titled, “New Narcolepsy Support Group.”

11. When your kids ask you to buy certain

cookies or junk cereal, (that you don’t want them to eat) move that particular brand aside and take a picture of the empty space on the shelf (with just the product label) to show it’s sold out. Text, “Sorry guys, there was a big run on Lucky Charms cereal this week.”

7. Photograph yourself thru a peephole 12. Take at your own front door so you know how far back to stand, what angle to tilt your head, and how widely you should smile to make the best (concave and grossly distorted) first impression when you ring someone else’s bell.

3. Document the exact height of ice-cream 8. Before a funeral, click yourself in the in the carton before your babysitter arrives so you’ll have the evidence. (She’ll just erase those telltale pencil marks!)

you’ll be able to illustrate.

mirror so you won’t wear the same outfit at the next one. Do you want the dearly departed thinking you own just one black dress or suit?

9. Take a picture of your child’s

pouting/sullen face so next time you threaten, “It’ll freeze that way!”

two Selfies, (one smiling, one scowling) and calculate if you produce more laugh-lines or frownlines. For the rest of your life, flash your least wrinkled expression during any emotional moment.

13. Always forget where you leave your

cellphone? Take a picture of the location right before you set it down. Ta Da! (Don’t think about this one for too long.)

STEPHANIE D. LEWIS WRITES HUMOR FOR HUFFINGTON POST AND PENS MORE LAUGHS AT ONCEUPONYOURPRIME.COM.

WWW.LCHAIMMAGAZINE.COM

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