L'Chaim Magazine 1118

VALUES & VISION AT THE LAWRENCE FAMILY JEWISH COMMUNITY CENTER

PLUS: JEWISH WEDDINGS SAN DIEGO JEWISH ACADEMY'S BOLD MOVE

NOVEMBER 2018

CELEBRATING THE MIRACLES OF OUR LIVES

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contents

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November 2018 • www.lchaimmagazine.com

COVER STORY There's Something about the LFJCC...................................................................................................

1000 WORDS Natan Sharansky on Current Affairs.....................................................................................................

FOOD The Kosher Baker's Sufganiyot..............................................................................................................

WEDDINGS

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JCC NOW

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SOHO: Marston House...................................................................................................................................

Weddings in the Homeland......................................................................................................................

The Ultimate Jewish Wedding Gift: A Kidney and a Life.........................................................

Honeymoon Israel ...........................................................................................................................................

FEATURES SDJA's Bold Move to Expand Jewish Education.........................................................................

Chabad Victims of Terror Fund...............................................................................................................

End of Year Giving..........................................................................................................................................

COLUMNS Random Rants..................................................................................................................................................

Torah: Of the Book..........................................................................................................................................

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Mazel and Mishagoss....................................................................................................................................

Daniel Bortz, Donald H. Harrison, Steve Horn, Stephanie Lewis, Salomon Maya, Mimi Pollack, Sharon Rapoport, Eva Trieger, Deborah Vietor, Chana Jenny Weisberg

ADVERTISING & SALES Diane Benaroya (dianeb@lchaimmagazine.com), Sharon Buchsbaum (sharonbux@gmail.com) 4

L’CHAIM SAN DIEGO MAGAZINE • NOVEMBER 2018

HONEYMOON ISRAEL

L’CHAIM SAN DIEGO, LLC (858) 776-0550 San Diego, CA 92127 EDITORIAL editor@lchaimmagazine.com

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Alanna Maya CREATIVE DIRECTOR Laurie Miller

CONTRIBUTORS

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RANDOM RANTS l BY SALOMON MAYA

too many candles

A

ugust 20, 2018: A tired three-yearold boy falls asleep in the car after visiting Kennywood, one of the oldest amusement parks in America, located just outside of Pittsburgh, Penn. He sleeps peacefully, occasionally shifting his weight but for the most part perfectly comfortable deep within his REM sleep. His birthday outing has really tuckered him out. On the way back from the park, we pass the Tree of Life synagogue before arriving at our family’s home in Squirrel Hill, and I never thought about the synagogue again, until…

October 27, 2018: Sirens flashing. Grey rainy skies. Armed law enforcement with rifles in the background. Confused reporters attempting to decipher what was happening.

And the news chyron, stating something we have heard too many times before. A mass shooting. A mass shooting at the very same synagogue I had visited over two months ago.

October 29, 2018: Walking up to Temple Beth Israel in La Jolla had always been for fun happy moments. My nephew had his Bar Mitzvah there a couple years prior. But this night wasn’t one of those moments.

The line of cars waiting to enter the road which housed the synagogue seemed to run 6

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endlessly, a string of bright red break lights as the traffic halted into a standstill. I parked four blocks away and begun the hike to pay my respects for the eleven souls taken from us in Pittsburgh by a deranged, pitiful animal two days prior and pray for the ones still injured.

I stood in the back, snapped a couple pictures. Uploaded them to my social media with the caption “All Jews must unite.”

The temple dais was filled with Rabbis I knew, some I didn’t. In the audience I could pick out some elected officials, including Mayor Faulconer. I looked to my right and realized I was standing right next to Bonnie Dumanis. A Muslim Imam stood up and spoke beautifully about how an attack on one is an attack on all. He pleaded with law enforcement to protect us. But most importantly, he begged for peace and love. A Sikh woman also spoke. She too echoed the same sentiments. I also saw multiple Priests in the audience. A woman in a Hijab. I didn’t just see Jews. I saw people. I saw community.

I saw humanity at its best when reminded how ugly humanity can truly be. In that moment, regardless of their individual faiths, we were all Jewish.

“All Jews must die.” This is what the shooter in Pittsburgh believed.

I took my phone out of my pocket and went to my Facebook page. The picture of the entire temple still propped at the top of my feed. I edited my caption though, feeling I was wrong. I edited it and it now read: All of us must unite.

As Jews, we have lit too many candles. I hope that one day we won’t need to. But until that day comes. I know that love will prevail.

Hate will not win. The shooter will rot in prison and possibly one day be executed. But the pain will forever linger. For the many victims of this hate crime. To the family’s shattered on a rainy Saturday Pennsylvania morning.

To the victims of anti-Semitism, we mourn you.

To the survivors of anti-Semitism, we hear you.

To the perpetrators of anti-Semitism, we see you.

To the world who has allowed antiSemitism, I am Jewish. I am proud. I am Pittsburgh. I am San Diego. I am love. And no amount of hate will ever extinguish that flame.

SALOMON MAYA IS A LOCAL ACTOR AND PLAYWRIGHT. FOLLOW HIM ON TWITTER @SALOMAYA OR EMAIL HIM AT SALOMONM@LCHAIMMAGAZINE.COM.

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TORAH l BY RABBI DANIEL BORTZ

of

the book Chanukah Customs

I

n addition to the Mitzvot we do, Jewish customs — Minhagim — are a staple of our celebrations and observances.

The holiday of Chanukah — the Festival of Lights — has some of our favorites: spinning the dreidel, eating pancake latkes and sufganiyot donuts, and more. While the menorah lighting has inspiring symbolism of miracles and light over darkness, is there a deeper significance to the customs we do?

Before the miracle of the Menorah, The Greeks had been trying to eradicate Jewish traditions. While most Jewish persecution has been aimed at our bodies, the Greeks attacked our minds and souls — our belief system. The Greeks valued the aesthetic beauty of the human body and intellect: The arts, music and philosophy, including such intellectual giants as Socrates, Plato, Homer, and Aristotle. They had no problem with the intellectual beauty found in Torah. Anyone who has studied Talmud or Mysticism intensely leaves with an impression of a profoundly logical and deep wisdom.

What bothered them was that the Jewish people were treating this wisdom as something more than just a set of philosophical ideas; these interesting customs and the tradition was the divine will that just happened to be expressed through intellect. As an aside, it’s

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actually quite logical to believe that there can exist a reality beyond what a human mind can ever reach on its own, not to disregard logic, but to believe in what may transcend our limited human logic. This the Greeks could not tolerate.

The mystics liken this Torah wisdom to oil.

Oil poured into any substance will pervade it thoroughly. The inner dimension of Torah too pervades all of reality; every aspect of creation hints to its wisdom. Job said: “From my flesh, I see G-d” — we can learn from everything we see.

Oil is difficult to consume raw. To properly absorb oil, we cook, combine, or fry it together with something more edible.

This necessity of mixing raw oil with dough (sufganiyot) or potatoes and onions (latkes) in order to be properly digested, symbolizes the need for Divine wisdom to be expressed in an intellectually tangible, edible way. “Raw” Divinity would be too overwhelming for us to absorb, so G-d “cooked” and “baked” this supernal wisdom into tangible ideas that our minds could consume and understand; practical laws, stories and lessons we can grasp. But as Chanukah reminds us, unlike the Greeks we see these laws and stories beyond intellectual narratives, but as the deep Divine wisdom they contain. When we

learn Torah, the divine essence inside — like oil — seeps into our inner being. But instead of physical heartburn, this type of oil inspires a spiritual heartburn — a fire of the heart.

Another custom on Chanukah is to spin the dreidel, which was originally used by Jewish children as a diversion when Greek soldiers looked to find those learning Torah.

On a deeper level, the dreidel — which is spun from its top, causing it to rotate at its bottom — signifies how a Divine power controlled the miraculous events of Chanukah, spinning the world’s events below.

In Genesis, when Noah speaks to his sons, he wishes that the beauty of Yefet — who’s descendants later founded Greece — “should be found in the tents of Shem.”

Through learning and refining ourselves, the aesthetic beauty of Greece can fulfill its purpose in the tents of Shem, a beauty that reflects depth and meaning. Remember that light will always overcome darkness in the end. Happy Chanukah!

RABBI DANIEL BORTZ IS THE DIRECTOR OF JTEEN SAN DIEGO (JTEENSD.COM) AND FOUNDER OF THE TEEN SUCCESS ACADEMY. WATCH HIS VIDEOS AT RABBIBORTZ.COM.

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Natan Sharansky speaks during a Limud event ahead of the Jewish mourning day of Tu B’Av, at the Israeli president’s residence in Jerusalem.

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PHOTO BY HADAS PARUSH/FLASH90

L’CHAIM | JACKSON RICHMAN | jns.org

L’CHAIM

A THOUSAND

WORDS

NATAN SHARANSKY ON THE STATE OF CURRENT POLITIAL MOVEMENTS

C

hess warrior. Former political prisoner. Longtime Israeli minister and head of the Jewish Agency for Israel. Always a Jewish inspiration.

Natan Sharansky has checked many boxes throughout his life, eight years of which were spent in a gulag in the former Soviet Union.

One of the most well-known refuseniks and a leader of the fight to release Soviet Jewry, he pushed relentlessly for freedom, supported by his wife, Avital, and Jews and non-Jews around the world.

He was eventually released in 1986. The Iron Curtain fell in 1989 and the Soviet Union two years later.

Sharansky, who was born in Donetsk, Ukraine, left to make a new life in Israel, where he held numerous ministerial positions and headed the Jewish Agency for Israel from the summer of 2009 through this past summer.

In October, the 70-year-old was honored in New York with the inaugural Tikvah Prize by the Jewish Leadership Conference for his heroism as a Jewish statesman and more.

We sat down with Sharansky following his acceptance of the prize and a conversation with Elliot Abrams, who served as a foreignpolicy adviser under U.S. Presidents Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush.

First and foremost, what is your reaction to the mass shooting at the Tree of Life Synagogue in Pittsburgh?

Natan Sharansky: Tragedy is tragedy. The answer is whether people want to organize around those acts globally in Eastern Europe and Western Europe, and also America.

[And to do so] because of this crisis, which happened between post-nationalism and nationalism.

Post-nationalism encourages left-wing antiIsrael campaigns. Nationalism encourages classical anti-Jewish words. But both of them are [causing] some fanatics to attack Jews.

I believe Jewish communities have to be on alert.

After the tragedy in Toulouse, France, in 2012, I saw how easily it could be prevented: if there’s some minimum equipment, and we created a special fund in which I raised money and there are hundreds of communities all over the world that we were helping. Jewish communities have to take care of the security of their institutions.

In the aftermath of the shooting, there are some, such as former Israeli Ambassador to the United States Michael Oren, who are calling for the State of Israel to recognize Conservative and Reform Jews.

What’s your reaction?

NS: I’ve been calling for this for a long time.

That is very principled and very important— that every Jew in the world will feel at home in Israel. And I will speak about it many times, saying that in Israel, if you really want it to be the home for every Jew in the world, you have to know that Israel welcomes them, with their rabbi, with their community, with their prayers. And I think it’s almost tragic that the State of Israel has to make such important Zionist decisions when there’s some terrorist attack.

Are shootings like this able to unite the Jewish community over our political, religious and communal differences?

NS: It’s like a reminder of our mutual faith, which is stronger than all of our disagreements, and it does give something. To hope it will help overcome some ideological debates, definitely not.

What are your thoughts about the current state of relations between Israeli Jews and Diaspora Jews?

NS: Between Jews, it’s OK. Between the American organized Jewish community and the State of Israel, there are definitely some serious dangers. I would say that Israelis correctly expect that American Jewry will show much more understanding of our security needs, and that we cannot behave as if we are Switzerland.

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L’CHAIM

PHOTO COURTESY CREATIVE COMMONS

human rights. This is a betrayal of liberal values. That’s what been happening in Europe over the last 15 years, and now it has contributed to Corbyn’s rise to power. That’s extremely dangerous, but it also shows how deep this tendency on the left is.

Former Secretary of State John Kerry greets Human Rights Activist Natan Sharansky before delivering a speech at U.N. Herzog

On the other hand, American Jews are right when they expect much more understanding of the Israeli government to show acceptance of the pluralism within American Jewry.

Because of internal political reasons, the Israeli government is not interested in showing this.

What is your overall reaction to the state of European Jewry? How serious are problems related to immigrant and antiSemitism?

NS: I believe that the problems which happened in Europe are so deep. They went so far, this policy of post-nationalism — a reworking of national borders and permitting tens of thousands of new citizens who don’t accept the rules of liberal democracy. It’s really come to such a point where European Jews are increasingly feeling uncomfortable.

This meeting of post-intellectual, postidentity that denies the value of the Jewish state — old, radical right-wing anti12

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Semitism ... and the new anti-Semitism mainly connected with Muslim citizens and the liberal left. It creates a situation where the Jews of France don’t feel themselves comfortable in any part of French society. I think it’s almost irreversible. I don’t believe there is a future for the Jews of France.

For the first time in modern history, we see that there are more and more British Jews who feel that it is not their home. That, we didn’t see before.

Speaking of British Jews, what’s your reaction to the rise of Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn and his highly controversial views?

That’s a very logical continuation of [what] to some extent is happening in America — that the left becomes less liberal, and more and more connected to the extremists of the Muslim movement and the anti-Zionist world.

It’s not liberal. It has nothing to do with

We see in America a lot of left-wing Jews starting to support ideas of Marxism, communism, socialism. As someone who overcame that, what’s your reaction?

NS: I say it’s almost a tragedy, the lack of elementary knowledge of what Marxism really means.

What Marxism practices ... “They say, ‘OK, it was started and made mistakes.’

“Everybody who looks deeply into the essence of Marxism [should understand] how Stalinism was built theoretically by Marx ... and then by Lenin — their idea was, ‘We have to take as much as possible, power from the individual, to take their property, to take their opportunities to influence on the social and religious and national life.’ “And to let the state to distribute it, then it brings to slavery. [It’s akin] to the same forms of totalitarian regimes.

When you say socialism, sometimes socialism is understood as social democracy, and that’s OK. There are some social democratic parties in Europe who try to have some welfare agenda, so it’s one thing.

But the fact that the people will go to classical Marxism ... mankind already paid the lives of tens of millions of people and enslavement of hundreds of millions. I think this presents very dangerous solutions, and I would recommend people will start learning from the atrocities.

You were a champion chess player. Would you characterize your time in prison as a game of mental chess?

NS: I write a lot about it in my book, Fear No Evil. I think chess helped me a lot — to discipline myself and to see all of my battles with the KGB as a chess game when you’re trying to think two steps before your offensive.

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COVER STORY

A NEW VISION FOR LFJCC A look at what's on the horizon

BY ALANNA MAYA

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COVER STORY

T

he Lawrence Family Jewish Community Center (LFJCC) has undergone a rebirth of sorts over the last year or so in an effort to more deeply engage its members while reaching out to people who may have limited interaction with the JCC and its programs.

Betzy Lynch, the organizatiotn’s Chief Executive Officer said LFJCC began a strategic planning process to develop a 10-year plan for the future. Volunteer leadership, Jewish communal professionals from across San Diego county and key staff and other key customers of the JCC were involved in this process, the biggest undertaking of its kind in as many years.

“One of the overarching themes that came from that process was the idea that we would work very hard to connect the unconnected and engage more deeply the people that already are connected to community and in particular the Jewish community,” Lynch said. “In order to achieve that and our

strategic goals of being Jewishly vibrant, financially sustainable and innovative; and having a unified brand for the work of the JCC we have spent a lot of time talking about what is happening within the walls of the JCC’s physical space, but also thinking about what needs to happen throughout the county to help create pockets of Jewish community, where Jewish life may exist but without any sort of structure or help.”

To this end, the LFJCC has developed a comprehensive arts and ideas season for 2018-2019, to position itself as a platform for high-level performing arts seen through a Jewish lens.

The goal is to connect people to each other through shared experiences, and to Jewish life through their exploration of learning something new and seeing it in a different way through arts and culture.

Designed to foster a conversation about what it means to be Jewish in 2018, relevant programming includes: the Salk Talks, Dorie Greenspan at Our Table, Inside Netflix’s Fauda, Tapestry, the Gender Creative Child, Sandra Bernhard: Sandemonium, Screening of Funny Girl on Christmas Day

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COVER STORY

with a Kosher Chinese food lunch, and Isabella Rossellini’s Link Link Circus. More events are featured on the CJC’s events calendar at sdcjc. org.

A collaborative initiative with the Jewish Federation of San Diego County, the Leichtag Foundation and PJ Library also aims to bring Jewish life to places the JCC has never been before.

“As the local facilitator of the PJ Library program, (funded by the Harold Grinspoon Foundation), the LFJCC has been able to provide Jewish-themed books and music for families with children aged 6 months through 8 years old,” Lynch said.

“We have been very successful within the walls of the LFJCC, creating engagement for young Jewish families to be able to engage in Jewish life and create community with each other as a function of their PJ Library subscription[through gatherings at the LFJCC], but we want to find ways to be able to provide that in areas outside the JCC, in the pockets or neighborhoods where people are living to make it easier to navigate the [distance to the JCC for these areas].”

Program organizers have since come together and identified “connectors,” or young mothers employed by the LFJCC to help replicate the programming that takes place at the LFJCC in their homes and neighborhoods. Connector moms were chosen based on the concentration of PJ Library subscriptions in their neighborhoods, and are located across the county to ensure that the programs will be well attended and not duplicated in areas close to the JCC. “This way, we are able to track and understand the way that people, and young families in particular, would like to engage in Jewish life, so that we can help create those opportunities in ways that are meaningful for them, whether they can get to the JCC or not,” Lynch said.

This effort will be duplicated in other areas of the JCC in the year to come.

Other efforts have focused on low barrier ways to foster and create Jewish life through every day actions at the JCC. During the 2018 High Holiday season, for example, each guest of the JCC was greeted with an apple and a honey stick and a hearty “Shana Tova.” During Sukkot, the JCC’s sukkah hosted many community activities, including a yoga class and the organization’s staff meeting and lunches.

“The idea is to use Jewish life to continue to inform and make the work of the JCC that much more meaningful,” Lynch said. “The JCC is about human beings, and that is personified in the statement and tag line: ‘There is something about this place’. Our goal is that for every single person that comes here, there should be something that speaks to them, and that thing may change based on the day that they visit.

“That something is a feeling, and the warm Hamishe way that you feel when you have your grandmother’s matzoh ball soup — that is what the JCC feels like."

SPOTLIGHT ON LFJCC PROGRAMS

SPORTS, FITNESS & AQUATICS: Pickleball: Fridays 9:30-11 a.m.; Price: $15; Members free Cardio Tennis: Tuesdays 12:.30-1:30 p.m.; Price: $15; Members free Monthly Tennis Clinic: 1st Monday of the month; 7:30-8:30 p.m.; free Member exclusive Master’s Swim: These structured adult swim workouts are perfect for those interested in improving their stroke technique, endurance training, and overall fitness. Includes in-depth stroke analysis and personal coaching. Free Member exclusive More information can be found at lfjcc. org/qualcomm/featured CAMP • Veteran’s Day Camp • Thanksgiving Break Camp • Olamim: Dad/kid camping trips More information can be found at lfjcc.org/youth/holiday_camps

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THE MARSTON HOUSE Balboa Park's Idyllic Locale for Jewish Weddings

BY STEVE HORN

F

or San Diego history buffs, the name “Marston” is synonymous with San Diego’s explosion onto the scene as a city known around the world as a destination worth coming to and a place to remember.

That is due to the political advocacy and philanthropy of George Marston and his descendants, who for generations championed historic preservation, civil rights and environmental conservation both in what became Balboa Park and far beyond throughout the reaches of San Diego County. Marston’s family lived in a house which would eventually come to sit on the northeast edge of Balboa Park, a locale which came into existence in its current form due to San Diego’s hosting of the 1915 Panama-California Exposition.

The home, known today as the Marston House Museum & Gardens, is now mandated to be historically preserved under the auspices of the U.S. Department of Interior as a National Register of Historic Places. It was constructed in 1905, 10 years before the historic 1915 Panama-California Exposition which celebrated the opening of the Panama Canal and brought delegates from around the world to Balboa Park and for most of them, a chance to see San Diego for the first time.

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George Marston was the founder and CEO of Marston’s Department Store, a company which was a bit of a Nordstrom’s of its era and located in downtown San Diego.

A six-bedroom, 8,500 square foot home designed by the architects William Sterling and Irving Gill, Marston’s family gave it as a gift to the City of San Diego in 1987, with George Marston passing away in 1947. It is now preserved and maintained by the organization Save Our Heritage Organization (SOHO), an advocacy group which does similar work at a host of properties throughout San Diego and epitomizes of the historic Arts and Crafts movement in home architecture within California.

The Marston House and Gardens also sits as the one property maintained by SOHO which can host wedding ceremonies celebrations, including for Jewish couples.

Those can take place outside of the Marston House on its large front porch patio, in the large backyard garden area or on a large lawn area which sits alongside a 105-year-old oak tree. Though the Marston House has not kept count of the exact number of Jewish couples who have celebrated their special day at the location,

The historic Marston Gardens are a beautiful, outdoor setting for events. The beauty of the site adds a romantic quality to special occasions.

Sarai Johnson — site manager of the Marston House — noted that the facility is open to all kinds of special events, including B’nai and B’not Mitzvah. The gardens, the largest part of the house, can host a ceremony or celebration of up to 150 people in size.

“The historic Marston Gardens are a beautiful, outdoor setting for events. The beauty of the site adds a romantic quality to special occasions,” said Johnson. “Couples who choose the site are usually interested in history, fine architecture, cultural landscapes, historic gardens and want something different than a religious facility or restaurant experience for their special day. The site lends itself to a cultural experience, in an estate setting with a relaxing garden atmosphere.”

Because the site is for rent, those hosting weddings or B’nai and B’not Mitzvah can bring in their own external vendors, including those who serve kosher meals. Proximity to the beautiful Balboa Park allows for easily accessible and scenic photo opportunities, as well, Johnson pointed out.

“Being on the outer edge of Balboa Park is a benefit in that guests can enjoy the beauty of the park-like setting but not have to deal with the crowds,” said Johnson. “Sometimes couples will choose to have their wedding ceremony at our site and then have the reception at one of the institutions within the park.”

Even for those not looking to plan a wedding but merely to bear witness to an important piece of San Diego history, the Marston House is open for tours throughout the year, FridaySunday from 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Tours start every half hour on those days and last about 40-45 minutes, with the last tour of the day commencing at 4 p.m. They cost $7 for kids aged 6-12, $12 for seniors 65 and older and $15 for adults.

And for those seeking a Jewish-oriented SOHO experience, check out Temple Beth Israel, the oldest synagogue still standing in San Diego for either tours, weddings, or B’nai and B’not Mitzvah. Though the shul now congregates in the University Town Center (UTC) area of the city, its original building still stands n Old Town due in large part to historic preservation advocacy done by SOHO in the 1990s when the building was under proposal for demolition.

The Temple sits within Old Town’s broader Heritage County Park and is surrounded by historic homes dating back to the late-1800s.

The Marston family legacy recently became part of a new exhibit, named the “Marston Legacy: Progress & Preservation,” at the Marston House and is on display now.

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HOMELAND WEDDINGS Getting Married in Israel Isn't Just for Israelis

BY LISÉ STERN | JNS.ORG

P

icture a wedding in an ancient Roman amphitheater on the shores of the Mediterranean.

Or in the mystical city of Safed, the sun setting over the Galilean Hills. Or in the multi-level garden by the Tower of David in Jerusalem. All these are possible options for destination weddings in Israel, a growing industry.

“It is estimated that there are over a thousand weddings annually of people from abroad coming to get married in Israel,” said Lian Matias, who operates the website Hatunot (www.hatunotblog.com) with Tracey Goldstein. The two-year-old organization, described as “The English speaker’s guide to planning a wedding in Israel,” acts as a clearinghouse of details on the wedding industry, with links to planners, venues, photographers, and more.

Weddings held by foreigners in Israel differ somewhat from native Israeli weddings, said planner Naomi Tabor, owner of Imagine Weddings in Israel (www.israelwedding.com). A native of France, she started planning weddings in Israel six years ago when she married an Israeli. Tabor notes that Israeli-style weddings are generally quite different from those of out-of-staters.

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“Most Israelis dress down for weddings, while Americans and others dress up. Israelis are very relaxed, with no speeches,” she said. “Most of my clients have a more intricate plan, a precise sequence of events. For the meal, most Israelis do a buffet.” The sit-down meal approach is now called “American style” in Israel. And then there’s the invitation — because of the nature of the wedding (namely the fact that travel plans are needed), many couples send out invitations or “save the date” notifications 6-12 months in advance — compare to the two weeks’ notice or so for Israeli weddings.

Israeli weddings also tend to be huge, with 400-600 people and more (the traditional gift for such nuptials is almost exclusively cash). Destination weddings can be that large, but the average is closer to 150-200, and some are as small as 20-50.

Nikki Fenton of Bespoke Weddings (www. nikkifenton.com) made aliyah from England in 2007, and has been planning destination weddings in the Jewish homeland ever since. “The energy of weddings in Israel is unexplainable,” she said. “Many of the guests are on holiday and have come because they love the couple and their families and the couples chose Israel

because they love the country – therefore the energy in the wedding is electric and has a whole lot of soul.

I wouldn’t want to work on weddings anywhere else because they are so special and beautiful here.”

Matias agrees. “Because Israel is so unique and diverse, it abounds in wonderful locations and venues for weddings.”

Tel Aviv-Jaffa is the most popular location, followed

by Caesarea, Jerusalem, and the Galilee. Venues include hotels, each with their own character. The 24-story David Intercontinental (ichotelsgroup.com) in Tel Aviv is good for larger groups who want the backdrop of modern Tel Aviv. The boutique-style modern-meets ancient Mamilla Hotel (mamillahotel. com) outside the walls of the Old City of Jerusalem has a rooftop space and a fashionable elegance.

if you want a winter wedding, head way south. “It’s amazing to get married in Eilat in January — it feels like June or July.”

Given the logistics of arranging a wedding from afar, a wedding planner seems almost a necessity, though a wedding can be arranged without one. There are so many components to coordinate: venue, menu, drinks, table décor, flowers, band, photographer, ceremony, the rabbi, and more. “I think it’s very, very hard, aside from it being my business,” Tabor said.

“One reason that gets overlooked is that I will get better prices than a foreigner who picks up the phone and calls the venue speaking only English — they’re going to get the ‘tourist’ price.”

“Planners are highly skilled and experienced people in the wedding field here that will make your

It is estimated that there are over a thousand weddings annually of people from abroad coming to get married in Israel.

But hotels and event halls aren’t the only options.

“Many weddings are held in private homes,” said photographer-turned-planner Danny Marx of Danny Marx Ltd. (www.marx.co.il). “We planned an amazing wedding of two days in the desert for a couple from New York — 200 guests stayed the night and enjoyed the experience of special desert breakfast and camel tour.”

Some weddings may have a theme revolving around the food, a favorite color, or a movie. “I planned a wedding where theme was entirely Alice in Wonderland,” Fenton recalls. “We even made the aisle to the chuppah multi-colored stripes to match the theme.”

Outdoor weddings in Israel are especially popular, with those in deserts, by the water (Red Sea, Dead Sea, Mediterranean, Lake Tiberias), on farms, at vineyards, or in forests. “You absolutely know from May to September you’re not going to have rain,” said Tabor. “You can choose your dates in peace.” And

wedding day dreams come true and will be able to do all that through long-distance planning,” Matias said.

Tabor said the popularity of Israel as a wedding destination has almost tripled since she started.

The cost for a destination wedding can range, but several wedding planners agree that rates can to start around $200 per person — this includes the location, meals, etc. (but not the dress!); planners may charge a set fee, or a percentage of 12-15 percent, depending on the size. And couples marrying in Israel do need to apply for an Israeli marriage registration if they want the wedding to be considered valid in Israel. This can be a bureaucratic process (it includes providing documents verifying that both bride and groom are Jewish and single). A good wedding planner helps take care of this too.

“I know how to do it chik-chak, I do it all the time,” said Tabor.

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A KIDNEY AND A LIFE The Ultimate Jewish Wedding Gift

BY DEBORAH FINEBLUM | JNS.ORG

W

hen it comes to acts of loving-kindness, plenty of rabbis talk a good game. But Rabbi Ari Sytner has put his entire self into the

endeavor.

To the rabbi, though they had met a few days earlier in Montefiore Hospital in New York City, where the surgery was scheduled, the person in the adjoining surgical suite Dec. 19, 2011, was still a virtual stranger.

He knew she was a 45-year-old single Israeli mom with three kids and Polycystic Kidney Disease (PKD), which had sapped her strength and kept her increasingly tied to the dialysis machine.

Ronit Havivi had been a teenager when her own mother died of the disease at age 34. Her own prognosis?

Not good, unless a donor could be found quickly.

Fast forward five years. Against all odds, in a wedding hall outside Netanya in central Israel Feb. 20, Rabbi Sytner’s voice sang out the blessing under the chuppah (wedding canopy) as Havivi’s daughter, Dana, married her childhood sweetheart Moshe Nawe — an occasion Havivi might easily not have lived to see without the rabbi’s kidney.

That evening, Ronit Havivi took the rabbi around and introduced him to the guests at her daughter’s nuptials.

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“You’re Ari?” they’d say, with family and friends alike throwing throw their arms around him. “We’ve been wanting to thank you for so long!”

“Come and sit with the family,” Havivi told Sytner.

Accordingly, in all the group photos from the night, the rabbi — a slight young man with a huge smile — can be seen as very much a part of the family.

The journey to the operating room had not been a simple one for the native of Monsey, N.Y., who was 34 at the time. His life, as the father of four children with a demanding job as a pulpit rabbi in Charleston, S.C., was already a full one.

But when he read that 100,000 Americans are waiting for kidneys and will likely die within the next 10 years unless they receive one, he asked himself if he’d be willing to do it. His answer: “Maybe I would.”

He knew, however, that the decision could not be his alone. He took his wife to a coffee shop and asked her what she would say about him donating a kidney. “I expected her to tell me I was crazy: a busy rabbi with four little kids, so I was surprised when she said, ‘Why not go through the testing and we’ll decide one step at a time,’” he recalled.

Sytner heard, through a Jewish organization working

on making matches for kidney transplants, about a single mom in Israel whose kidneys were rapidly failing due to a genetic disease that had killed her mother. “I wanted to save a Jewish life if I could,” he said. “In the ever-widening circle of tzedakah (charity), responsibility goes from our family to our community, to the Jewish people, to the world at large.”

Initially, the family’s oldest son Reuven, who was 11 at the time, was strongly opposed to his father’s transplant. But when he heard the recipient was a single mom in Israel, he changed his mind. “If you die, Abba (father in Hebrew), we would be so sad, but we would still have Ema (mother). But if that single mom dies, her children would have no parents.

They would be orphans. So I think you should do it,” Reuven had said.

“I took his answer to be a divine message giving me the go-ahead,” said the rabbi. “It’s Emunah — faith — which empowers you to do what ordinarily you could not do. You simply ask God to help you, to strengthen you.”

“We know it wasn’t easy for him,” said the kidney recipient’s aunt, Simcha Alone. “He has a family and he’s young, but still he gave of himself. When he sang the blessings under the chuppah we all cried. We know that because of him, Ronit is here to celebrate this day.”

After waiting in the Philippines for eight months for a cadaver kidney that never materialized, Havivi felt the clock ticking. “I knew my only hope was to find a transplant but, having waited so long, I didn’t know how good my chances were,” she said.

Yet Havivi heard through a Jewish transplant organization about a potential donor. During the Purim holiday in 2011, her phone rang with good news: “There’s an American rabbi who might be willing to give you a kidney. Come in for blood tests.”

After nine months of cross-testing and processing, Havivi flew from her home in Petah Tikva to New York with her significant other, Gabriel Kovac, and her daughter. “When I met Ari a few days before the surgery I was speechless,” she recalled. “I just cried and I told him that ‘thank you’ sounded so weak for someone giving you back your life.”

“With the transplant, I was able to have what my mom could not,” added Havivi, who celebrated her “fifth birthday’’ since the transplant last December.

“Suddenly I was off dialysis and feeling well for the first time in years.”

She was feeling so well, in fact, that at age 45 and with renewed strength, Havivi fulfilled her lifelong

dream of completing law school. She is now an attorney specializing in labor and family law.

“I’m 50 now and off dialysis, so I can work, be with my kids, have the joy of helping plan my daughter’s wedding and not worry if I’ll survive,” she told JNS. org before the Feb. 20 wedding.

That is also good news for Havivi’s boyfriend.

“We had dinner with Ari last night and the guy just radiates goodness,” said Kovac. “I was raised religious and after talking with him a while, it crossed my mind that, had he been a rabbi when I was younger, I would probably still be religious.”

The rabbi said his family has suddenly expanded exponentially.

“Having [Havivi] and her kids at my son’s bar mitzvah here in Israel last year made me realize that she is now and always will be part of my family,” Sytner said. “With us, it’s gone way beyond the kidney. Every Friday I get a call or text from Ronit wishing me ‘Shabbat shalom.’”

“I told her, ‘I’m a man and you’re a woman. I’m American and you’re Israeli. I identify as Orthodox and you don’t. I’m Ashkenazi and you’re Sephardic.

But none of that matters. We’re family,’” he continued.

“At the wedding, I realized that this mother standing under the chuppah with her daughter has become very dear to me.”

Sytner has also written a book on his experience, “The Kidney Donor’s Journey: 100 Questions I Asked Before Donating My Kidney.” He also blogs about the subject at akidneydonor.com.

“I wish [such a book] was around when I was making this decision; it shows how you don’t lose something, you gain something,” Sytner said. “And since I can’t give any more kidneys, encouraging others is one way I can still help save lives.”

Five years after that fateful meeting in adjoining operating rooms, Sytner has both a new job— helping congregations as the director of leadership and community development for Yeshiva University’s Center for the Jewish Future — and a new “sister,” Havivi, who insisted on meeting him at Ben Gurion Airport before his flight home following her daughter’s wedding.

“She said that every time we’re together, it’s a simcha (joyous occasion) surrounded by lots of people, and she wanted us to spend some quiet time together,” Sytner said. “I told her that I wouldn’t have missed this wedding for anything. Just think what it would be like if every kidney donor could have this kind of experience.”

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HONEYMOON ISRAEL It's About the Journey

BY DEBORAH VIETOR

H

oneymoon Israel, (HMI), is all inclusive trip of a lifetime, welcoming couples from all walks of life with at least 1 Jewish partner. Through trips that are highly subsidized through local funders and organizations throughout the Jewish community, the couples are able to affordably travel to Israel to celebrate their love for one another after their wedding day.

Trips include fun, adventure, historical context for Jewish and Christian religions, Jewish ritual, volunteerism and time for romance. The trip welcomes everyone regardless of background, providing an openended forum for exploration and conversation about the role of “Jewish” in the couples’ lives and how to better integrate these values. This enhances and strengthens the Jewish connection once couples return home. A Rabbi, an educator and a tour guide accompany couples on HMI trips.

Mike Wise and Avi Rubel are Co-Founders of Honeymoon Israel. They have focused on how to better welcome young couples with diverse backgrounds to

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Jewish life, meeting them where they are rather than where the community might want them to be.

Rachel Zieleniec, Vice-President of Marketing and Communications for HMI nationally, shared that HMI works with local organizations on the ground in the United States and Canada, also partnering with organizations in Israel. In San Diego, HMI’s major partner is the Leichtag Foundation. HMI brings in about 50 percent of all funding, which is then leveraged and supported by local funding.

Each trip includes 20 couples who live in the same city. HMI trips are from cities nationwide and even include Canada. The HMI goal is to welcome and build a community for a diverse range of Jewish couples. Trips facilitate a way to engage couples, involved in permanent relationships who are deciding how they want to shape their lives.

“People are coming HMI because we are inclusive and each trip attends to the Jewish demographic,” Rachel Kitt, San Diego Director of Community Engagement

Our goal is to meet couples where they are, couples who benefit most are on the periphery of Judaism and have not found a way to connect. for HMI, said. “We model different experiences and showcase them so people can choose what is meaningful. Through HMI, we provide a level playing field for partners to develop their own personal relationship to Judaism and as a couple, feeling ownership. When couples return home, we are able to provide additional resources. We want couples to know, “We hear you and we see you.”

“Our goal is to meet couples where they are, couples who benefit most are on the periphery of Judaism and have not found a way to connect,” Zieleniec said. “We are involved in online marketing and social media. Facebook and Instagram are our largest presence and we invest in technology. We attend festivals, non-Jewish places, and Jewish places. We have a large referral base, with between 50 and 60 percent finding out about us through past participants. Each time we have a cycle open, we communicate to alumni in all our cities.”

“We ask the couples about their lives,” Kitt said. “What do they want to do and experience?

What are they missing in their lives? The demand is great and higher than our ability to serve them as it grows strategically and financially. We have a wait list of 1,000 people. Recently there were 70 eligible couples and only 20 couples can attend.”

Asked about the activities on the trip, both Zieleniec and Kitt mentioned that it is important to showcase Israel as a modern state with historical significance; both cultural and religious. Different aspects of the itinerary that speak to each of these areas. Organizers and tour guides present different historical sites through multiple religious lenses, not just the Jewish narrative, as couples may experience different identities.

Adrián Lizano and Nicole Sloane are both Jewish, and attended the HMI trip in September of 2017. They were excited to participate in the thrid San Diego trip with no idea what to expect.

“Our tour guide was amazing,” Adrian recalled.

“In Jerusalem, we learned the history [of the city]

and went back in time. We experienced Challah baking on shabbat in Jerusalem and went to the Western Wall to pray. This made Shabbat special.

In Tel Aviv, there was a graffiti wall, art, amazing food… We did the food tour and learned a lot about other cultures, how they live and eat.”

The Lizanos said they now have individual relationships with the couples that went on their HMI trip, and they have celebrated both Jewish and secular holidays, like Thanksgiving together They both find that now they are more spiritual, have a sense of Jewish community and have people they connect with for a Jewish life. Adrian believes they would be in a very different place had they not gone on the HMI trip. They will soon celebrate their third wedding anniversary.

Other HMI alumni, Jacob and Allie Gillick went on their honeymoon program in January of 2017. They made food baskets for schools, with each student receiving a basket for their family. welcomed people to Israel and made packages for Israeli soldiers. To date, they connect monthly with about 10 couples from the trip, sharing everything from baby showers to Shabbat dinners.

Recently, Jacob and Allie hosted a Passover seder, recalling their HMI trip as “life changing as we begin our own Jewish traditions and learn more about belonging to a Jewish community.”

“The biggest take away for San Diego [couples] is a community, a second home,:” Kitt said.

“Couples just feel like they have a place where they belong [after their Honeymoon Israel trip].

They share intense experiences with people who were strangers a moment ago.”

She added: “Alumni speakers are our biggest and best resource, because what they share is authentic. Our alumni are the storytellers.

Knowledge and experience has changed who they are”.

For more information about Honeymoon Israel, visit honeymoonisrael.org, e-mail sandiego@honeymoonisrael.org, or call (347) 292-8809.

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FOOD | JNS.ORG

REFRESH YOUR CHANUKAH DESERT TABLE WITH PASTRY CHEF PAULA SHOYER

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FOOD

I

t is a truth universally acknowledged that we can never get tired of Chanukah latkes and sufganiyot (the holiday’s deep-fried jelly doughnuts). But there’s no harm in adding some culinary variety to this year’s Festival of Lights. Pastry chef Paula Shoyer offers a doughnut recipe with a twist and other alternative recipes that are great for Chanukah and will satisfy any sweet tooth in her cookbook, The Holiday Kosher Baker.

until thick.

it near the stovetop.

2. Add the remaining sugar, soy milk, margarine, egg, vanilla, salt, and 1½ cups (190g) flour and mix — either with a wooden spoon or with a dough hook in a stand mixer — on low speed. Add 1/2 cup more flour and mix in. Add 1/4 cup flour and mix in. If the dough remains sticky, add more flour, a tablespoon at a time, until the dough becomes smooth.

VANILLA DOUGHNUT HOLES (NUT FREE & PARVE) Doughnuts and potato latkes are the most traditional Chanukah foods. Like latkes, doughnuts are best eaten the day they are made, but even on the second day you can get good results by re-heating them. To make doughnuts look festive, roll them in colored sugar.

Servings: 50

3. Cover the bowl with a clean dishtowel and let the dough rise for one hour in a warm place. (You can turn your oven on to its lowest setting, place the bowl in the oven, and then turn off the oven.)

7. When the oil is ready, add the doughnut holes to the oil one at a time, top-side down, putting an edge in first and then sliding in the rest of the doughnut; if you drop the doughnuts into the pan an inch or higher from the oil it can splatter and burn your fingers. You can fry up to eight doughnut holes at a time. Cook for 45-60 seconds. Use tongs or chopsticks to turn the doughnut holes over and cook them another 45-60 seconds, or until golden. Lift with a slotted spoon and place on the wire rack to cool.

Repeat with the remaining doughnuts.

INGREDIENTS

5. Dust a cookie sheet with flour. Sprinkle some flour on the counter or on parchment paper and use a rolling pin to roll the dough out until it’s about 1/2-inch thick. Using a small round cookie cutter about 1 to 1 1/2 inches in diameter, cut out small circles very close to each other, and place them on the cookie sheet. Re-roll any scraps. Cover the doughnuts with the towel. Place the cookie sheet back in the oven (warm but turned off). Let the doughnuts rise for 30 minutes.

1/4 ounce (1 envelope) dry yeast 1/4 cup warm water 1/2 cup plus 1 teaspoon sugar, divided 1/2 cup soy milk 2 tablespoons margarine, at room temperature for at least 15 minutes 1 large egg 2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract 1/4 teaspoon salt 2 1/4–2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, plus extra for dusting 1/2 cup plain or colored sugar for dusting doughnuts Canola oil for frying DIRECTIONS

1. In a large bowl, place the yeast, warm water, and one teaspoon of the sugar and stir. Let the mixture sit for 10 minutes, or

4. After one hour, punch down the dough by folding it over a few times and reshaping it into a ball. Re-cover the dough and let it rise for 10 minutes.

6. Heat 1 1/2 inches (4cm) of oil in a medium saucepan for a few minutes and use a candy thermometer to see when the oil stays between 365°F and 375°F; adjust the flame to keep the oil in that temperature range. Cover a cookie sheet with foil. Place a wire rack on top of the cookie sheet and set

7. Place the sugar in a shallow bowl and roll the doughnut holes in the sugar to coat.

Store covered at room temperature for up to one day and re-heat to serve.

Paula Shoyer, a busy mother of four, believes that a healthy kosher diet can include desserts … if they are homemade.

A former attorney, she graduated from the Ritz Escoffier pastry program in Paris, and now teaches French and Jewish baking classes across the country and around the world. Paula is the author of the bestselling The Kosher Baker: Over 160 DairyFree Recipes from Traditional to Trendy, The Holiday Kosher Baker, and The New Passover Menu. She is a contributing editor to several kosher websites such as kosherscoop.com and jewishfoodexperience.com, magazines such as Joy of Kosher, Whisk, and Hadassah, and writes for the Washington Post. She lives in Chevy Chase, Md. To learn more, visit www.thekosherbaker.com.

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FEATURE STORY | BY EVA TRIEGER

EXPANDING EDUCATION

SDJA'S BOLD MOVE

I

first set foot on the San Diego Jewish Academy’s Carmel Valley campus in 2000 when I was hired to open up their Special Education department for a handful of students who’d been identified with learning differences. During the interview process I was impressed with the enthusiasm and dedication of the staff and administration. The potential to be a most incredible pluralistic Jewish day school was palpable, and yet, that promise has taken time to be fulfilled.

With Chaim Heller at the helm, and Sonia 28

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Mandelbaum as Board Chair, the school is on a trajectory to realize the promise I first glimpsed in 2000. Recently, I visited the administration building and was brought up to speed on the newest developments and exciting plans for making this school what the community has been begging for since its inception. The duo enthusiastically detailed for me two programs that are the impetus for this change.

Mandelbaum, an alumnus of the school, told me about the “Our Family is One” campaign, the first in this 1-2 punch. Noting

that fewer Jews in the San Diego area are affiliated across the board, individuals are finding less value in a Jewish education when it has become so cost prohibitive. Yet, Sonia, who also is married to an alumnus, wants her own children, and all members of the community, regardless of socioeconomic differences, to see the San Diego Jewish Academy as the center for Jewish life in San Diego.

To achieve this goal the school realized it must grow its enrollment from the current 550 to 800 students. And now, due to a

FEATURE STORY

magnanimous donor and a very focused, daring move, the campaign is raising $15 million dollars to create a community-based school that will deliver a Jewish values-based education in tandem with the American normative experiences, replete with Homecoming, football and cheerleading.

Our Family is One will serve to “reach out maximally to the less affiliated and make them more connected.” According to Heller, there is no contradiction in this two-pronged educational approach and it will result in “confident Jews who fit into the social fabric of American life.”

SDJA has always offered a degree of tuition assistance, and while it has enabled some students to attend the school, the new goal is loftier and demands greater commitment and participation. The first day of school year 2018-2019 saw 71 new students enter the San Diego Jewish Academy, most definitely a step in the right direction. Half of these children benefited from tuition assistance.

The school also knows that in order to attract more students, it cannot be solely about the tuition, but the school programs and the caliber of the faculty must all shine.

As a special educator and former classroom teacher, I know that teaching has a multitude of rewards that are nonmonetary. However, living in San Diego County requires that teachers earn a living wage. The Academy knows this and is raising teacher compensation to attract and retain quality teachers. Furthermore, they want to encourage collaboration and increase planning time for faculty. SDJA is also beefing up their course offerings with two new programs.

Rabbi Philip Graubart is spearheading the Advanced Institute for Judaic Studies.

This program will feature Shabbat dinners at each grade level, a school/community wide Shabbaton, and a Kabbalat Shabbat program for the preschoolers.

Another groundbreaking program features Kwaku Aning of the Center for Innovation and Entrepreneurial Thinking. This program will provide students and teachers, grades K-12, an opportunity to experience Augmented and Virtual Reality through two regional hackathons. Additionally, over the summer there will be a two-week camp that will bring together students from San Diego, New York City and China. Approximately 20 students from each setting will learn from each other and begin to network for future visits and programs.

A most thrilling improvement, which is near and dear to my heart, is the upgrading of the programming for children with learning challenges. This is an area that has known severe inattention until Dr. Julie Good came on board. With the new plan, the Learning Academy will boast six qualified teachers and will serve not only the SDJA’s 10-12 percent of identified students, but it will also be open to the community after school. Students who attend public school but require special services can enroll in the Learning Academy for occupational therapy, speech and language therapy and physical therapy.

This will allow the Academy to attract top tier professionals while they offer a massive resource to the larger community.

Heller was proud to tell me that SDJA garnered the 2018 Blue Ribbon Award as the only Jewish private school in California.

This is a prestigious award, granted by the U.S. Department of Education to schools whose test scores fall in the top 15 percent of all schools nationally. But still Heller and

the Board wondered how they can bring this “world class education to more than 1,100 Jewish families” who want this education, but can’t afford a price point above $10$15,000 per school year.

This question gave rise to the hiring of Fisheye Research, and a creative solution presented itself. Through the pilot Open Door program, Kindergarteners and 9th graders will pay half price tuition for the next four years. It is understood that it is a shared commitment, and the school hopes that those who can afford to pay more will make generous donations. Through this program and charitable gifts, SDJA hopes to include students from Carmel Valley, La Jolla, Del Mar, and University City. If the program is successful, “it will be expanded to all grades until targets are met.” Currently there are families who experience a barrier to entry, and through the largesse of one anonymous donor and many other generous supporters, they can now attend. “Everyone cries about the high price, but no one does anything. It’s time to try something bold,” Heller told me.

By casting a wider net, Heller hopes to create a more diverse student body and open the social horizons and broaden the world view for San Diego Jewish Academy students.

This exposure to more real-world situations and people will eliminate the “bubble” that has existed. As SDJA celebrates their 40th anniversary, we may reflect that in the Bible the number 40 is significant. It is often used to indicate two distinct epochs. May this be the epoch of realization of potential for the San Diego Jewish Academy. With their tandem campaigns of Our Family is One and Open Door, it certainly seems they are on the derech.

EXCLUSIVE COURSE OFFERING The University of San Diego's Shiley-Marcos School of Engineering is offering an elective course in spring 2019, called "Water in California and Israel: Challenges and Solutions."

The course was supported with a grant from the Israel Institute and developed in partnership between Mechanical Engineering Chair, Dr. Frank Jacobitz, and Dr. Yaal Lester from the Azrieli College of Engineering in Jerusalem. All 17 students who have signed up for the course will be required to travel to Israel during spring break, to observe Israel's water innovations first-hand. USD received a $25,000 donation from a USD alumnus, which was matched by the Murray-Galinson San Diego Israel Initiative to offset the student and faculty travel costs .

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FEATURE STORY | BY CARIN M. SMILK | JNS.ORG

BEING THE LIGHT

PROVIDING ECONOMIC, SPIRITUAL AND EMOTIONAL SUPPORT TO THOSE AFFLICTED BY TERROR

PHOTO BY CTVP

Rabbi Menachem Kutner, director of the Chabad Terror Victims Project, brings a gift to Ural Yelizarov, who was wounded in the head by a Grad rocket in Beersheva during “Operation Cast Lead.”

T

errorism has been a fact of life in what’s now the Jewish state since the earliest days of modern Zionism.

Even when it’s calmer, work is being done to help those affected by an attack. And when tensions spike — when it’s on the brink of conflict, as it is with Iranian forces and Hezbollah entrenched in Syria and Lebanon to the north, and Hamas-sponsored mass demonstrations of Gazans at the border to the south — those in the business of preparing for the worst ramp up their

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readiness. Perhaps no one knows that better than Rabbi Menachem Kutner, director of the Chabad Terror Victims Project (CTVP), which regularly coordinates all kinds of relief for Israeli terror victims and their families, including hospital, rehabilitationcenter and home visits, and arranging bar and bat mitzvah ceremonies for orphaned children.

What is the main work of CTVP, when did it start, and how many people are

associated with the organization?

Rabbi Menachem Kutner: The activity of our organization is unique in that we provide personal assistance for each affected family according to their needs. This comes in three ways: economic, spiritual and emotional. I am the principle worker with the families, but get assistance from 450 emissaries, or shluchim, and Chabad centers all over Israel. We also utilize local volunteers who maintain contact with families during routine times, especially during Jewish

FEATURE STORY

holidays. They create personal and lasting connections. The activities began immediately after the 1967 Six-Day War with widows and orphans of Israel Defense Forces’ soldiers at the personal request of the Lubavitcher Rebbe — Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson — under the auspices of the Chabad Youth Organization in Israel, with the head office in Kfar Chabad.

When did you get involved, and in what ways do you assist individuals and families?

Rabbi Kutner: I entered this mission 15 years ago, when the second intifada began. One example: Eden, aged 16, was seriously injured two years ago in a bus attack in the Armon Hanatziv neighborhood of Jerusalem. Eden suffered from severe burns and has been undergoing difficult treatments, and our organization pays monthly for a medical ointment on the recommendation of her doctors. The ointment is very helpful and not paid by the state; we also recently bought her a special bed and an air-conditioner for use at night.

Is there a difference between the work you do in wartime and when it’s quieter in Israel? How do you prepare when Israel is in a state of high alert, as it is now?

Rabbi Kutner: Our operations are divided into three phases: emergency assistance immediately after an attack, interim assistance for the period of three months after the attack and longterm assistance that can last for many years. In times of emergency, we work all at once with many families in need of immediate urgent assistance. For example, with a family injured in Netanya, the mother was hospitalized at Laniado Hospital there, while her son and daughter were hospitalized at Hillel Yaffe Medical Center in Hadera. The father and two other children were at home in Netanya. Our organization paid for taxis for 14 days so the father could visit his wife and children, instead of traveling long hours on buses. We also organized volunteers who brought hot food to the family’s home every day, as well as a cleaning staff before Shabbat.

The recovery period is more in-depth and emotional, and so we provide an attentive ear to families with home visits and assistance according to personal needs.

Please describe an instance when you assisted an Israeli soldier or terror victim.

Rabbi Kutner: One soldier wounded in a terrorist attack was WWW.LCHAIMMAGAZINE.COM

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FEATURE STORY

seriously injured in the leg. He needed a special medical device to “hold” or support his foot so he could walk more stably. Our organization bought this device for him for $2,000; it’s new and manufactured in Canada, and not recognized in Israel.

How long do you stay in the lives of those you help?

Rabbi Kutner: Our organization adjusts assistance, financial and otherwise, according to each family. Some families return relatively quickly to normal life, and there are other families that need us for 15 years.

How does CTVP assist orphaned boys and girls in celebrating their bar and bat mitzvahs?

Rabbi Kutner: We teach the child to read Torah and put on tefillin.

We take the whole family out for a fun day in Jerusalem, buy festive clothes for the children, and give the bar mitzvah boy or bat mitzvah girl a gift. And we celebrate an exciting bar mitzvah ceremony at the Western Wall in Jerusalem with singing and dancing, so that the child will remember this moment with joy and happiness. After the ceremony, they go to a restaurant for a festive meal and then tour the city.

You work with a predominantly secular population in Israel. So,

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how does prayer help spiritually? Can it help heal?

Rabbi Kutner: Our spiritual assistance is very meaningful for the families of terror victims, as we often arrive at their most difficult moments. We publish lists of the names of the wounded for others to pray for them. We offer them the spiritual power of prayer and a prayer for a speedy recovery they can carry with them, which gives them a lot of encouragement, especially during visits to soldiers before long operations, surgery, and while they are recovering.

What is the mood in Israel right now after Iran recently fired rockets in the north, and as the Palestinians in Gaza hold weekly mass border protests in the south?

Rabbi Kutner: At the moment, there is a sense of uncertainty and fear that the situation may continue and even reach a state of war.

These days our alertness is high, so that we can provide an immediate response as needed. We are hoping and praying that the situation will remain calm.

What does this work mean to you?

Rabbi Kutner: Every morning, I thank G-d for the wonderful privilege of acting on behalf of Chabad in this endeavor. I feel that we are changing the lives of the families, making them happier and adding to their lives.

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FAMILY | BY CHANA JENNY WEISBERG

jewish

mom.com The Blessing of a Broken Washing Machine

T

wo weeks ago, half way up my mountain of Chol HaMoed laundry, our overworked washing machine, of blessed memory, spinned its last.

And that meant that for two weeks, until yesterday, my family of 10 did not have a washing machine. It was, as you can imagine, quite a pain.

But I want to tell you two sweet side effects of our washing machine’s untimely demise.

Firstly, after doing 8 loads of laundry yesterday (9 kilo a piece!) the fragrance of fresh laundry fills my entire home. I never knew Tide could smell so sweet!

Secondly, before last Shabbat, when I ran out of white shirts and Yaakov and Yoni ran out of shorts and I needed a Shabbat dress for Tsofia, I did something I absolutely detest doing, and which I tend to avoid at almost all costs.

I asked for a favor.

I announced on the neighborhood English list that I am washing-

machine-less. And if any kind soul could do a load of laundry for me, it would be mightily appreciated by me, my husband, and our offspring.

Within minutes, 4 mothers offered to do laundry for me: two of whom I’d never even met.

Asking favors feels really yucky: uncomfortable, vulnerable.

But it was a fascinating experience. To be forced to ask for help, and to receive it.

I was touched, and floored … when one volunteer laundress called to ask if I wanted her to add fabric softener to my load. And when another mother (in her 9th month!) returned my laundry neatly folded (to which my 11-year-old son responded, in shock “What IS that!?”). And another mother (whom I’d never met) did my laundry, I found out, while preparing for her only son’s upsherin the following day.

My broken washing machine showed me just how sweet it is to receive.

And how nurtured and blessed I felt…

Which made me think how nurtured and blessed our children and husbands hopefully feel, when we give to them. Every day. Day in, day out.

A feeling almost as sweet, I imagine, as the fragrance of Tide filling my home after 2 weeks without.

CHANA JENNY WEISBERG, THE CREATOR OF JEWISHMOM.COM, IS A STAY-HOME MOTHER OF 8 CHILDREN LIVING IN JERUSALEM WITH HER HUSBAND, RABBI JOSHUA WEISBERG. ORIGINALLY FROM BALTIMORE, CHANA JENNY HAS DEVOTED HER NONMOM TIME OVER THE PAST DECADE TO PROVIDING INSPIRATION AND ENCOURAGEMENT FOR OTHER JEWISH MOMS THROUGH HER POPULAR BOOKS EXPECTING MIRACLES AND ONE BABY STEP AT A TIME.

WWW.LCHAIMMAGAZINE.COM

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FEATURE STORY | BY PAUL DOWNEY

END-OF-YEAR

GIVING

Selecting a Charity and Avoid Being Scammed

T

he holidays are a time of celebration, family, reflection and to help those who are in need. Giving to a charity each year is easy for most of us. We find ourselves drawn to a cause, a particular group, or an organization’s mission. We want to help those who may be less fortunate than ourselves, especially during the holidays when we take the time to be thankful for what we have.

When you have a personal tie to an organization, giving your hard-earned dollars is simple. According to the Charity Navigator website, total giving to charitable organizations was $410.02 billion in 2017 (2.1% of GDP) and nearly half of the charities receive 41 percent of their annual contributions in the last few weeks of the year. However, what happens when you don’t have a charity in mind or you are new to giving monetary donations?

All too often, con artists use the holiday season to take advantage of the generosity of San Diegans and steal your hardearned money for themselves, rather than for reputable and legitimate non-profit organizations serving the most vulnerable in our community.

Here are four quick tips to help you chose a legitimate organization and avoid being scammed: Only give to a charity you know and do you research! Research an organization before you donate. There are a variety of online resources that provide free access to comprehensive reports about non-profit organizations. Start with a visit to California Attorney General’s Registry of Charitable Trusts (oag.ca.gov/charities), the Better

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L’CHAIM SAN DIEGO MAGAZINE • NOVEMBER 2018

Business Bureau’s Wise Giving Alliance (give.org), Guidestar (guidestar.com) and Charity Navigator (charitynavigator.org).

Plus, go to the organization’s website and social media channels and really get a good understanding of what the charity does and who benefits from your donation.

Ask questions. Real charities are able to tell you how they use their donations and what portion of your contribution will go directly to the group they are trying to help.

Ideally, 85 cents of every dollar raised should go directly to direct programs and services of the charitable organization, with the minimal amount remaining to underwrite administrative salaries and operational expenses. Also, ask them for a 990-tax form.

If they cannot give you this information, don’t give them your money.

Do not send to a P.O. Box. Ask for a tour!

Make sure the organization has a physical street address, where you can go and see the charity in action at any time. Or even better just show up unannounced. A reputable charity would be delighted to give you a tour on the spot.

There should be no hard sell. Don’t feel the need to give into pressure. Organizations don’t need money “today.” If they cannot give you an answer for what the donation is to be used for then walk away.

For example, here at Serving Seniors, we provide all the details a donor may want to know about our organization on our website.

There you can reference our last four annual reports to see exactly where your dollars will be spent, and we encourage you to come “kick the tires” and get to know our organization.

We offer tours five days a week including

at our nationally recognized Gary & Mary West Wellness Senior Center. Everything is transparent and that is exactly what you want in your charity.

When you donate this holiday season, be sure to follow these quick tips to make certain your charity is being fiscally and socially responsible, and that you know your money is going where you want it to. An informed decision is a wise decision.

For nearly two decades, Paul Downey has been a national advocate for low-income seniors as well as the president and CEO of Serving Seniors, a nonprofit agency dedicated for more than 45 years to increasing the quality of life for San Diego seniors living in poverty. Learn more atservingseniors.org.

BY STEPHANIE LEWIS | HUMOR

mazel

& mishagoss Snopes Schmopes

W

elcome to the new factchecking column, specializing in putting Jewish rumors and misinformation to rest for good!

Q. Did a Jewish woman become engaged to a man named Ralphie Lawrence Stine and never once get subjected to either of her parents inquiring if his last name was spelled Stine or Stein in their fully transparent attempt to figure out if he was Jewish?

A. Amazingly this is true. Apparently overriding an intense desire that their daughter marry within her faith, was their passionate hope that their future son-in-law might indeed be the famous R.L. Stine of the Goosebumps book series — and thus they finally let their daughter make her own decisions in peace. Alas, it should be noted that the actual author was in fact Jewish, but his first name was Robert (not Ralphie) so this family was totally out of luck in both regards.

Q. Did a Jewish mother invite herself over to her son’s house for a meal and then hold her tongue, making zero suggestions for the countless ways the daughter-in-law’s dinner could be improved.

A. This has been confirmed to be utterly and completely fabricated.

Q. Was an airplane twenty minutes delayed in landing while the telephone lines stayed eerily silent because no Jewish mother felt

the urge to call the airport to make sure it hadn’t crashed?

A. This rampant rumor easily gets confused with a similar one about a bus pulling into the station exactly eighteen minutes late and only one Jewish mother freaking out, imagining her son lying dead on the side of the road. Evidently the other Jewish moms reasoned that the number eighteen equals Chai and meaning good luck, so they were able to maintain their composure. Both tall tales are totally unfounded.

Q. Did the kids on the above referenced bus never get sent to that particular Jewish summer camp again just because three children came home with colds?

A. One hundred percent verified.

Q. Could the following really have happened? Aside from forcing her offspring to wear sweaters when she was cold, a Mrs. Sarah Silverberg also insisted her kids eat when she was hungry, take a nap when she was tired, and call whenever she was lonely, which was a daily occurrence.

A. Untrue. It was a Mrs. Sophie Goldman.

Q. Did a Jewish husband’s car abruptly stop in the middle of the road, resulting in him immediately pulling out a shiny wrench and screwdriver from a toolbox to repair it while his wife applauded him?

A. Sadly this cannot be substantiated, but it’s thought to have originated from a similar (but more credible) automotive breakdown

anecdote in which the Jewish husband pulled out a shiny knife and fork from a lunchbox and began to eat his wife’s cooking, while waiting for the Auto Club to tow their Lexus.

Meanwhile his wife enthusiastically clapped her hands because she’d slaved all day over a hot stove preparing the brisket, which the husband deemed too dry for consumption, (A notion he’d been conditioned to believe about his wife’s food from his own critical mother.) The AAA gentile mechanic arrived and surveyed the mashuganah scene in sheer disbelief.

Q. Did a certain Jewish hostess hide all the leftovers along with the afikoman so her Passover guests shouldn’t take any extra food home with them?

A. Ha! If you believe this, I’ve got a surplus of chocolate covered matzo and coconut macaroons from my last Seder to sell you because you “accidentally forgot” to take the To-Go container I packed up.

Q. Did a Jewish bubbe have her gallbladder removed and afterwards text all her family and friends eight times in one day stating, “Please don’t worry about me, I’ll find a way to manage … somehow?”

A. This is blatantly false. She texted this message 31 times.

STEPHANIE D. LEWIS WRITES COMEDY FOR THE HUFFINGTON POST AND PENS A HUMOR BLOG ONCEUPONYOURPRIME. COM WWW.LCHAIMMAGAZINE.COM

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