The Spur: Issue 1

News that gets to the point

ISSUE #

Welcome

1

The Spur Staff

Welcome to the Spur, your source for informative satire. “What does that mean?” you ask. Good question. To be honest, we aren’t quite sure. But here is what we do know: this is the place to get all the news leading up to, during, and after the 2013 National LCMS Youth Gathering. If there is a story, we will find it. From exposés on major players to tips to assist your group in making it to San Antonio, we will not stop until you have the whole truth, or at the very least our version of it.

So kick off your boots, grab a sweet tea and get ready for hard hitting news that gets to the point.

This is the Spur.

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LCMS YOUT

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tmer by terry dit

LOVE(D)

BREAKING NEWS!

DISTRICT COORDIATORS READY FOR ACTION

Men and women from LCMS districts across the country have been trained and equipped to serve as your liaison to the Gathering Office as your group prepares for the Gathering.

Look to these dedicated leaders to not only

I love youth gatherings. I love the people who are there answer general Gathering-related questions – youth and adults. I love the energy. I love the creativity and but also to throw a thrilling district-wide the inspiration with which God’s Spirit fills the planners and event in conjunction with the Gathering and performers and, to be sure, the participants. I love to see our to organize an engaging district booth at church in action this way. It’s always amazing how God fills the convention center. What are the names the Gathering spaces and events with His love. of these seriously sincere servant hearts,

We say we love a lot of things. Sometimes it seems like you ask? Find out at www.lcmsgathering. the word is thrown around so nonchalantly it almost means com/districts. nothing. Our world and culture has really cheapened what love really is, which is too bad because love is God’s message to the world.

We are loved by God. God gave His Son, Jesus, gave Him up to death on a cross. Why? Because God loves us.

God does the loving. And in His love there is grace and mercy and forgiveness and hope and encouragement and salvation... and love itself.

We are loved and we’re going to spend the next several months studying the concept and learning how because we are loved, we are empowered to love in return – to “Live Love(d).”

And in five days next July thousands of us will come together to celebrate that love and translate it into love for others.

I can’t wait. I love it!

but our curiosity compelled us to pursue. The next several moments were filled with a barrage of words intended to get us off the scent.

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“It’s an opportunity for the students to begin to think about what it means to live loved,” he said. “What you are calling ‘secret meetings’ are actually Bible studies that help us focus and prepare our minds for the National Youth Gathering. This is an important part of our preparation. While preparing for the trip and fundraising help us get to the Gathering, it is the Bible studies that allow us to participate and engage in the dialogue of the Gathering; specifically, what it means to live love.”

LCMS YOUT

For an hour or so he gave us a long explanation about how the Bible studies were an invaluable resource to the success of this Gathering and how it allowed the students to begin to experience the Gathering prior to its July starting date. But we know better.

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Creeden

When the interview was finished, we at The Spur walked away with two very pieces of intel. First, there will be some Gathering in July that will focus on a larger mission to “live love” (whatever that is code for) and these “Bible study meetings” are an important component to that Gathering. And second, Keep your eyes open and your children close. Spur insiders Lutherans make a great cup of coffee. have been reporting on strange messages and invitations to area So for now, we will follow those youth regarding meetings at local congregations during the week leads. What can you do? We or even after Sunday worship. The reasons are still unknown ask our faithful readers to and the details are fuzzy, but those close to the congregations stay connected to The are reporting that the students seem to be leaving the meetings Spur for the latest “excited and talking about the mission.” But what is this mission? on this developing Are these youth part of a larger conspiracy? Do they understand story. Until then, what the word “conspiracy” means? Tough questions indeed, but keep your we have our methods. spurs on and To get answers to these hard hitting questions, we sent an your ears investigative reporter undercover inside the inner workings of one open. of these groups. Her report was shocking. “It was relatively easy to access the group,” she explained. “They were incredibly welcoming and even lent me one of their Bibles.” This was clearly a clever method of conversion to bring our reporter into the inner workings of their secret mission. It appears that they are actively recruiting and have a vision for growing this secret community. When pressed, our undercover reporter replied, “Oh, it’s not secret at all. In fact there was quite a bit of conversation about the love we have in Christ and how we can live out that love to others.”

At that moment it became clear. This undercover reporter was in too deep. We pulled her credentials and communications were severed. We needed a new method.

by Anthony

Secret Meetings?

We decided to approach one of the leaders of these suspicious rings. When they excitedly agreed and offered us a warm beverage, we knew something was very wrong,

by SHERRAH behrens

Krista Miller: EXPOSÉ PHOTO BY LCMS YOUTH STAFF

REGISTRAR OR SECRET AGENT

Krista Miller, Gathering Registrar, encourages groups to stay connected to the Gathering website and to take advantage of the “priority window.” We sat down with Krista to ask her a few questions like, “What’s so special about Zone 1 hotels?” and, “What is a “priority window?”. All of the work being done by the Gathering Registration Office has led us to ask: Who is Krista Miller? Is she actually the Gathering Registrar or is that just her cover story? Is the Gathering “Office” actually a team of secret agents trying to carry out a mission? See what we found out...

The Spur: What is the most important thing groups need to know as they prepare for Gathering registration?

Krista: Stay connected to the Gathering website, read all the material carefully, and contact our office if you have any questions.

The Spur: Why? Are there secret codes embedded in the registration book? Will we need special tools to find the codes, or will some lemon juice and a hair dryer do the trick?

Krista: No. The Spur: No, we don’t need special tools, or no, there are no secret codes?

Krista: There are no secret codes. The information is straight-forward.

The Spur: Right. We’ll let you keep your secrets. Tell me more about the registration process.

Krista: An important part of the process is deciding what you want your group’s Gathering experience to be like. The hotel you stay in will significantly influence that experience. For this Gathering, hotels are grouped into zones based on their proximity to the convention center and the Alamodome.

The Spur: You’re really pushing Zone 1 hotels. Why? Do you have some sort of secret mission involving Zone 1?

Krista: Why do you keep talking about secret missions?

The Spur: Answering a question with a question...Isn’t that a secret agent trick?

Krista: Don’t know. What I do know though is that I’d pick Zone 1 if I was leading a group so that I could spend less time out in the heat and more time participating in the various Gathering activities.

The Spur: Right... So, what about those groups that don’t stay in Zone 1? What do they need to think about?

Krista:I am confident that all of our properties are excellent and ready to serve LCMS congregations.

Groups staying in Zones 2-4 will have a fantastic Gathering experience, but there will be a few things to think about and plan for. Factor in travel time to and from the hotel, Alamodome, and convention center.

This will affect how you use your time throughout the day.

The Spur: How do groups choose a hotel zone?

Krista: When registering online, designate your top two choices of hotel zones. I’d recommend registering during the priority window. Registration forms submitted during the priority window have guaranteed acceptance to the Gathering and strong consideration for being placed in your first choice of hotel zones and offsite servant event.

The Spur: Tell me more about the priority window. Is it your dead drop--the place where you hide secret messages for your fellow agents to pick up?

Krista: The priority window is simply an amount of time, October 16 through 30, that groups have to register for the Gathering. You can still register after this time, but you will no longer get priority consideration for the things I mentioned.

The Spur: Got it. Now tell me, you really are a secret agent on a secret mission, aren’t you?

Krista: In all seriousness, I am not a secret agent, but I do have a mission.

The Spur: Ah-ha! And what’s that?

Krista: To make sure every congregation has as smooth a registration experience as possible so as many youth as possible can hear the life-saving message of Jesus’ love for them.

You heard it here, folks. Krista Miller does, indeed, have a mission. But is she a secret agent? That’s for you to decide!

by Anthony Creeden

Photo Fraternizing

MESSAGES BEING PASSED WITH SOCIAL SECRECY! They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and we at the Spur are inclined to agree. Rumors have been circulating over the last several weeks about an increase in downloads of the popular social photography app called Instagram by those responsible for the secret youth meetings occurring across the country. It’s not the use of the app itself that makes our Spidey senses tingle. We at the Spur love Instagram, especially the random pictures of people’s animals doing things we frankly don’t care about or the 5,000 photos of your dinner in sepia tone. Rather, what perks our ears is the increased chatter in some channels of what is being called a “contest”. The details are still a bit sketchy, but here is what we can discern.

Apparently, the organizers of this “youth gathering” (or is it?) are planning to use Instagram for photo contests leading up to and during the Gathering. An inside source had this to tell us: “Prior to the event, the National Youth Gathering will host weekly photography competitions utilizing the application Instagram, available on ioS and Android devices. Every week, a contest will be announced via The National Youth Gathering Facebook Page. Contest categories will range from ‘something you love’ to ‘local landmarks’ to ‘making a funny group picture’. Once announced, youth leaders and Gathering participants will have one week to submit an Instagram photo to the contest via the Facebook fan page or using Twitter by hash-tagging the photo with #lcmsnyg. Once the contest deadline passes, the top five photos will be selected and the number one photo will receive a secret prize.”

SOCIALIZING!

social media tips for the not-so socially SAVVY

Shutting off geo-location services when using Twitter or Facebook will prevent undesirables and other nefarious characters from tracking you down. It will also protect you from big brother... he’s out there.

TO Dear Ray, Help! Our group is going to the Gathering but we need money. My youth are bored with the same old car washes and spaghetti suppers. What should we do?

Sincerely, Poor Church Worker Dear Poor, Have you considered making your own currency? Or pulling an elaborate heist, Ocean’s 11 style? That’ll keep those creative youth busy and entertained! Of course, if you’re looking for something legal...

Did you catch that? “Secret prize!” We at the Spur Try some creative fundraising. Invite people to a know that our readers are sharp as a tack and see no-show ball. Sell stock in youth. Host a trivia night past this “contest” cover up. Is it code? Is it some or sell tacos for the big football game. You can find kind of photo communication detailing the groups details on how to pull off these and other fundraising every move? We ask you, our faithful readers, to work ideas at www.youthESource.com/fundraising. surveillance on this important matter. Follow them on Facebook at facebook.com/lcmsyg or on Twitter at Drive for the stars, twitter.com/lcmsnyg.

The scuttlebutt is that any further communications on this matter will pick up in October. So stay tuned, you seekers of sacred Spur truth. And rest assured, we will get to the bottom of this.

Ray is a long-time San Antonio, TX taxi driver with a wealth of information on the city and much, much more.

Maybe too much...