Leader's Digest #33 Nov 2019 by Leadership Institute

LEADERS ISSUE 33

NOVEMBER 2019

DIGEST

Photo by Andreas Dress on Unsplash

The Art of

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

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PUBLICATION TEAM EDITORIAL

Editor-in-Chief Ismail Said Assistant Editor Yvonne Lee Graphic Designer Awang Ismail bin Awang Hambali Abdul Rani Haji Adenan

* Read our online version to access the hyperlinks to other reference articles made by the author.

CONTENTS

ISSUE 33 I NOVEMBER 2019

04 06

NO SUCH THING AS BAD LEADERSHIP

ARE YOU BEING KIND TO YOURSELF?

THE ART OF SELF-AWARENESS IN LEADERSHIP

18 22

WHY SELF-AWARENESS IS THE KEY TO GREAT LEADERSHIP

HOW TO WORK WITH AN AUTOCRATIC LEADER

HAPPINESS: THE MOST IMPORTANT PRE-CONDITION FOR POWERFUL LEADERSHIP

HOW CAN YOU BECOME A MORE EMPATHETIC LEADER?

CRUCIBLE MOMENTS AND HOW THEY TRANSFORM US

WHEN AN EMPLOYEE MAKES A MISTAKE, HOW YOU REACT IS EVERYTHING

5 SIGNS YOU LACK SELF-AWARENESS

IMPROVING ORGANISATIONAL COMPETENCIES USING EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

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Leader’s Digest is a monthly publication by the Leadership Institute of Sarawak Civil Service, dedicated to advancing civil service leadership and to inspire our Sarawak Civil Service (SCS) leaders with contemporary leadership principles. It features a range of content contributed by our strategic partners and panel of advisors from renowned global institutions as well as established corporations that we are affiliated with. Occasionally, we have guest contributions from our pool of subject matter experts as well as from our own employees. The views expressed in the articles published are not necessarily those of Leadership Institute of Sarawak Civil Service Sdn. Bhd. (292980-T). No part of this publication may be reproduced in any form without the publisher’s permission in writing.

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There are certain emotions that will kill your drive; frustration and confusion. You can change these to a positive force. Frustration means you are on the verge of a breakthrough. Confusion can mean you are about to learn something. Expect the breakthrough and expect to learn.

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— Kathleen Spike, Master Certified Coach

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NO SUCH THING AS BAD LEADERSHIP BY RAJEEV PESHAWARIA

If you are leading a group discussion on the subject of leadership and want people to start participating actively right from the word go, open the session by making the following statement: There is no such thing as bad leadership. Almost immediately, several people will challenge you, and offer many examples of bad leadership. Someone will invariably bring up examples like Hitler, Stalin, Robert Mugabe and Saddam Hussein. If you nudge the group a bit, they will also start talking about all the bad leaders they have encountered in their corporate careers. In fact, be prepared, because the discussion can easily get very heated and emotional. A participant in one of my seminars got really agitated in the first 20 minutes of the programme, and angrily told me how I had no idea what it was like to work for all those bad leaders he has had to suffer in his career. I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t disagree that most of the examples given are of people that stood for bad and immoral ideas, or treated others without the respect and dignity that every human deserves. I also donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t underestimate the damage such people cause to society. The only question I have is, were these people leaders in the first place? Or were they simply people who somehow found themselves in positions of power through brute force, cunning, chance, or all three?

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Despite the thousands of books written on the subject, and despite billions spent each year on teaching it, leadership is a very misunderstood word. Most of us regard people in positions of power and authority as leaders. And here is where the problem begins. If leadership is about obtaining a position of power and hanging on to it, then Hosni Mubarak, Kim Jong il and Fidel Castro ought to be considered amongst some of the most successful leaders in the world. Between them, they clocked almost 140 years of remaining in power. Who cares if they did something good or not? Ultimately these so called leaders take their followers, their companies and their countries into futures worse than their past and present. You might argue that this is the reason why they are called bad leaders, but I respectfully disagree. Leadership is not about occupying a position or about having power and authority at all. Nelson Mandela was regarded a great leader long before he became president. How could he be a leader during the long years in prison? Clearly, he had no position or power while in prison, yet ultimately he overturned apartheid. Mahatma Gandhi never occupied any political office and never had any material wealth

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or power of any kind, yet he succeeded in sending the British back home without firing a bullet. Gandhi’s impact was so profound that among millions of others, none other than Albert Einstein called him one of the greatest leaders to have ever walked upon this earth. Countless mothers around the world work tirelessly every day and every night to groom their children with the hope that they (the children) will one day become responsible citizens. Many unsung middle managers in companies around the world coach their subordinates selflessly so that they (the subordinates) can be as successful as can be. Many such mentor-managers are relatively powerless in their organisations, and often have very bad bosses above them. Instead of passing down the same bad behaviour they receive from their bosses, these managers choose to behave differently with their subordinates. They make this choice knowing very well that their efforts will not be recognised by the higher ups, but they do it anyway because they have a deep desire to ensure that tomorrow is better than today. They are the real leaders. So if leadership is not about position power, then what is it? Leadership is about first visualising, then working endlessly towards creating a better future. The key is in the word better. The better future leaders strive to create is not for themselves alone, it is for others around them as well. If all you work towards is getting a better deal for yourself alone, you are not a leader. If your goal is to simply win an election or to get promoted to the next level, you are not a leader. To be a leader, you need to have a clear picture of the better future you want to create, and an even clearer picture of what is ethically right and wrong. I often refer to these two things as purpose and values. The problem is, some people have a very self-focused purpose, and they are able to work very hard to achieve it. They do not however have an equally clear sense of values. They go after their goal no matter what the price. Furthermore, as they taste initial success, they get hungry for more and more. Without a moral compass, they become what many people call bad leaders. The point I am making is simply this – people with just a self-focused purpose are not leaders at all. They may occupy important and powerful positions but they are not leaders. They are demagogues, dictators, thugs, dons, or bullies. At best they are heedless. And even if their purpose is not self-focused, they still don’t become leaders until they are able to clearly articulate and act upon their moral values. A narrow purpose, and/or the absence of values can make you a boss, but not a leader. A broader purpose (one that goes beyond self interest alone) together with enduring moral values makes

a leader. In this sense, there is no such thing as a bad leader. There are leaders, and there are good or bad bosses. In 2008 when Hank Paulson and Ben Bernanke decided to let Lehman Brothers fail, did they consider the global ramifications of their action? In recent months as Democrats and Republicans openly squabbled about the budget deficit, what was their purpose? What values were they exhibiting? And did they realise the impact of their actions in today’s flat and interconnected world? Moving east, in India today, powerful politicians are trying their best to block a strong anti corruption bill from being enacted. They argue that the Prime Minister, all cabinet ministers and members of parliament should not be under the purview of the bill. In other words, they want to pass an anti corruption bill for the country, but want to exempt themselves from it. You may say these are perfect examples of bad leadership. I say this is not leadership at all. Only when they demonstrate both higher purpose and enduring values should we call someone a leader. Almost everywhere in the world today we can see a complete breakdown of ethics. This is because we don’t have leaders, we only have bosses. So let us reserve the ‘leader’ title for only those who deserve it. Leadership is a choice, not a position or a promotion. Leadership is a way of life, like faith and religion. You practice it if you believe in it, and you act according to those beliefs. If more people around the world start practicing the religion of leaderism as described in this essay, the world will become a much better and safer place.

Rajeev Peshawaria CEO of the Iclif Leadership and Governance Centre, author of the Wall Street Journal and Amazon best seller Open Source Leadership (McGraw Hill 2017), Too Many Bosses, Too Few Leaders (Simon & Schuster 2011), co-author of Be the Change (McGraw Hill 2014) and a regular writer for Forbes, Rajeev is an out-of-the-box thought leader on leadership, management and corporate governance. He has extensive global experience in leadership and organizational consulting, with a particular focus on uncovering personal and organizational “leadership energy.”

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The Art of Self-Awareness in Leadership BY CAROLYNE NJOGU

Creating a unifying vision is critical to furthering any initiative or championing any cause. Your ability to rally others around a common goal depends largely on whether your vision is simple, audacious, compelling and inspirational enough. Most leaders are thought to be visionaries because they seem to have the uncanny ability to unite others behind their vision. What makes these individuals adept in their leadership is not charm – although some do have it – but rather, their self-awareness. Effective leaders are well-attuned to who they are. They are in touch with their strengths and weaknesses, and have mastered the art of knowing when to be what and to whom. Self-awareness is fundamental to influence, and visionary leaders are great at seeing themselves as those they lead see them.

What is self-awareness?

Dr Travis Bradberry, the author of Emotional Intelligence 2.0, describes self-awareness as “one of the core components of emotional intelligence”. He defines emotional intelligence as “your ability to recognise and understand emotions in yourself and others, and your ability to use this awareness to manage your behaviour

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and relationships”. Fundamentally, self-awareness is self-discovery. Developing self-awareness is critical to effective leadership because it sets the foundation upon which all other leadership competencies are built. To lead effectively, one needs to demonstrate self-control, empathy, good judgment, teamwork and trust – these are all impossible to embody unless one has done the inner work, i.e. cultivating self-awareness. Arguably, self-awareness and vision are not mutually exclusive. One must have clarity of what one wants to create or the initiative they want to bring to bear first, before sharing that vision with their stakeholders for buy-in. Only then can they manifest their new realities. This may sound easy but self-awareness at every level of visionary thinking, communication, sharing, and broadcasting is vital. One needs to be audacious enough to take on the self-discovery journey inwardly first. Society now lives in the world of the Internet and social media platforms such as Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and the like. Amid all these distractions, how can one attain self-awareness?

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1. Self-discovery

Curiosity is where it all starts. Start by asking yourself interrogative questions, for example: • • • • • •

How do I show up every day? What do I want to be remembered for? Who do I want to become? Do I blame or judge others? Is there a better perspective than my own out there? Why do I feel insecure with this person or when undertaking this task?

Curiosity killed the cat, but knowledge brought it back. By being interested in yourself and seeking to understand your own experiences, behaviours and motives, you reveal your true self, and it offers you a window to see yourself in other humans too, thus cultivating empathy and trust. A leadership expert once remarked, “Great leaders demonstrate concern for others, that they have good

judgment, that they can be trusted. People follow leaders whom they believe in. This is where the muchtouted ‘authenticity’ fits in.”

2. Self-reflection

Now that you know how you show up, how can you monitor your behaviour to best adjust and advance your vision? Self-reflection is the art of examining your thoughts, attitudes and behaviours in solitude. This allows you to unravel who you truly are and gives you the opportunity to edit behaviour that is self-limiting. Activities such as meditation and journaling are very helpful to encourage reflection. In the classic Harvard Business Review article, Managing Oneself, Peter Drucker wrote: “Whenever you make a decision or take a key decision, write down what you expect will happen. Nine or 12 months later, compare the results with what you expected.” This type of exercise allows you to understand your inner motives and your prowess in decision-making – or lack thereof. This crucial information allows you to tweak yourself to be more aligned with your vision.

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3. Self-awareness

Self-awareness is inevitable if you are open to selfdiscovery and self-reflection. While this journey may seem like common sense, it’s extremely challenging to master because we humans don’t always commit to facing the truth about our shortcomings. Nevertheless, for those committed to their selfdiscovery, they invariably adhere to the ‘trinity of self-awareness’: know thyself, improve thyself, and complement thyself.

Cultivating self-awareness

The more self-aware you are, the more of an authentic and efficient leader you become. To cultivate a keen sense of self-awareness, you can add a few techniques to your repertoire of skills in self-discovery and selfreflection to get to where you want to be. Evidently, being willing to ask yourself the hard questions is a necessary step; however, to improve you will need to seek candour from others around you, because the ego in human nature tends to either magnify or minimise how we see ourselves. Here are some ways you can gather more data about yourself: • Feedback: Ask your close friends and family to describe how you show up, and ask those you serve or work with what draws them to work with you (360-degree feedback) • Take self-assessment tests: Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), Kolbe Index, Enneagram, DISC, StrengthsFinder, and StandOut are a few examples of personality assessments that will help you understand yourself better • Vision, values and priorities: Design and plan your life or what you want to create The purpose here is to help you embrace the totality of who you are – to ‘know thyself’ and ‘own your power’.

• Knowing what situations and environments (culture) complement your nature • Boosting your emotional and social intelligence (EQ and SQ) • Improved decision-making and critical thinking skills • Better communication and relationship skills • Enhanced leadership abilities and capacity • Improved focus on things that matter Self-awareness also improves a person’s character – as working towards a vision is a lifetime endeavour, your values guide you daily to the envisioned future while keeping you in check and with the conviction to stay focused.

Self-awareness and visionaries in history

Today, we regard a few historical leaders as great visionaries, but these leaders were flawed just as we are. Winston Churchill was one such leader. He embodied courage and resilience, and openly embraced his weaknesses. It is recorded that he spent a lot of time alone and endured rejection due to his bluntness. History also records that despite his shortcomings, Churchill always put the country before himself and had a vision, a big heart and a great sense of care. Human beings are complex and diverse, and selfawareness is critical if you expect to lead and influence others effectively. Seeing yourself as you are and as others see you humbles and empowers you at the same time. This mirror effect is what enables us to form psychological bonds and connections with others. Leaders should cultivate emotional and social intelligence in form of self-awareness to empower themselves to lead from a place of humility, and realise that more than leading, their role is to be in the service of those who follow them.

Benefits of being self-aware

The benefits of self-awareness are vast. It enriches the whole person, irrespective of who you are. Even the Greek philosophers understood this and believed that ‘know thyself’ was the highest form of knowledge. Benefits of self-awareness and vision include: • Knowing your strengths and weaknesses and how they impact your performance 8

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Carolyne Njogu Carolyne Njogu inspires professionals to fulfilment for a better life, better career, and better results. She is the founding principal at VPF Strategies, a coaching and consulting agency, and the author of Being Grounded: 21 Days To Come Alive And Love Your Life.

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WHY SELF-AWARENESS IS THE KEY TO GREAT LEADERSHIP Photo by Saad Sharif on Unsplash

BY WENDY BORN

Great leaders should talk less to influence more. The saying that actions speak louder than words have never been more accurate for the ability to influence, impress and inspire. Through an intimate understanding of one’s own behaviour comes a powerful tool for leaders. In Daniel Goleman’s article The Well-Focused Leader he maintains that a leaders’ focus of attention directs and guides the attention of who he leads. A shift in focus then to that which is controllable – namely one’s own behaviours – may well change the dynamic of how leaders manage and maintain relationships.

The ability to be aware of and control the expression of emotions within interpersonal relationships is known as Emotional Intelligence (EQ). As such understanding the influence that behaviour has on others is an attribute of EQ. There is much written about the linkages between EQ and leadership effectiveness.

Andrea Ovens, for the Harvard Business Review outlines how EQ leads to increases in productivity, motivation and engagement. Further Daniel Goleman’s book Emotional Intelligence covers the value of EQ for fostering good social interactions and helping to empathise more through better understanding of the situations of others. And the Harvard Business Review study of 84 US companies on the attributes of compassion and forgiveness held by the CEO, found companies whose CEO has these characteristics outperformed their peers by almost 500%. Yet EQ is in disproportionate levels across the leadership population with human physiology the major cause. According to The Neuroscience of Leadership (Rock & Schwartz), the brain is wired to act on autopilot as much as possible, hence behaviour derived from experiences, education, parental influence, values and beliefs become “built in”. The brain tries to conserve as much energy as possible and looks to create habits to minimise energy and think less. When a behavioural habit forms it is sent to the subconscious making it an automated behaviour. When leaders only work on autopilot, it takes conscious effort to be self-aware of their behaviour. In today’s time-poor world, autopilot rules.

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But when leaders have a thorough understanding of their behaviour and how it contributes to the circumstances and impact on those they lead, and the subsequent flow on effect to things like culture, their influence is increased. Becoming self-aware through regular reflection can build awareness of subconscious behaviour as well as have a broader positive impact. Meier, Cho and Dumani (2015) in the Journal of Organizational Behaviour, found that “work reflection was associated with an increase in affective wellbeing, with regard to both positive and negative moods.”

In Jennifer Porter’s article for Harvard Business Review, ‘Why you should make time for self-reflection (even if you hate doing it)’, she concludes that leaders often don’t understand the process, don’t like the process, don’t like the results, have an over bias towards action rather than thinking, and can’t see a good return on investment from reflection. But taking the time to reflect on behaviour and the impact it has on others provides an opportunity to create meaning, and from meaning comes learning. Self-awareness through reflection must be part of the daily routine and a recurrent leadership activity to provide a continual loop of improvement. In so doing leaders can set a positive example, increase wellbeing and boost productivity, all without saying a word.

In addition, research on productivity conducted by Stefano, Gino, Pisano and Staats for Harvard Business School, found that a mere 15 minutes of reflection each day can increase performance by 23%. The downside of reflection is that it can be confronting, as it involves looking at behaviours that may not always be positive. It means at times having to admit that flaws are present which is uncomfortable and cause feelings of vulnerability. 10

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Wendy Born Wendy Born is the author of The Languages of Leadership (Major Street Publishing).

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Happiness: The Most Important Pre-condition for Powerful Leadership BY RAJEEV PESHAWARIA Photo by MI PHAM on Unsplash

Please take a moment and reflect on the following statements:

The best leaders are selfless servant leaders who put their organisation’s (and other people’s) interests ahead of their own. They are ready to make personal sacrifices for greater good. To what extent do you agree? If you agree or strongly agree, you will be amongst the majority of people who share the same view. However, research now shows proof of what I believe was always true – the happiest people make the best leaders, and conversely, unhappy people don’t make good leaders. In fact, the best leaders put their own interest ahead of others and are happy as a result of doing so. Sounds strange? Isn’t good leadership all about self-sacrifice and serving others? No, it is not. Here’s why. When one sacrifices, one is left with a feeling of loss. “I gave up my career to be a stay-at-home mom or dad for my children,” or “I sacrificed precious family time or more lucrative opportunities to serve the community,” are common statements we hear every now and then. The problem here is the word sacrifice, which means giving up something that is very dear to us. Whether we realize it or not, at some level this ‘giving up’ sows seeds of resentment within us. In most such cases, because we’ve paid a heavy price by sacrificing, we feel entitled to have big expectations from the people we

sacrifice for. When these expectations are not met, we feel deprived and cheated. I once asked Dr. Kiran Bedi, India’s first and senior most female police officer what sacrifices she made in order to give the country so much. Here’s how she replied very firmly, “Let me be very clear Rajeev, I made no sacrifices, I only made choices….. my family got as much of me as I thought was appropriate. My priority was to serve the country.” The truth is, real leaders don’t make sacrifices. They ONLY make choices. If family is what someone cares about the most, then he/she should indeed choose to focus on family over career. If career success is truly what you desire but often feel pressured into making the “sacrifice” to give it up, you will never be genuinely happy. The fact is, unhappy people are unable to make others around them happy because deep inside there is underlying regret and bitterness, even if they don’t know it or choose not to acknowledge it. For this same reason, unhappy people don’t make the best leaders.

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So, what then is happiness, and where/how does one find it? Additionally, how can we balance between work, life and family? What if we want a bit of all three? The answer lies in understanding what happiness truly means to us, and designing life intentionally around it. Most people do not even attempt to uncover the real meaning of happiness for themselves, thereby feeling unfulfilled and often under-achieving their full potential in life.

makes them grateful, and as a result they find it joyful to work harder to become more caring, patient and forgiving with their families.

The default (mis)understanding of happiness goes something like this: 1. Once I am financially comfortable, I will be happy 2. Once I have a good job, I will be happy 3. Once I have a senior position, I will be happy 4. When I am famous, I will be happy 5. Once I have a life partner who loves me unconditionally, I will be happy 6. Once I have provided enough for my children, I will be happy 7. And so on…… In the default (mis)understanding of happiness, our happiness always depends on external factors such as wealth, power, or someone’s affection. By virtue of this rationale, we tend to outsource and postpone our happiness, and often end up disappointed. The key to finding happiness is to first understand that it resides within us, not outside. It depends on us, not on others. But what is it? I think former U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt nailed it by saying, “Happiness lies not in the mere possession of money. It lies in the pursuit of creative effort, in the thrill of achievement.” In other words, happiness is about being crystal clear about one’s most important values, and about developing a life purpose based on those values. Furthermore, over my three decades of coaching business leaders, I have found that those who find purpose within their work are the happiest, and therefore make the best leaders. Why? By working hard on a purpose of their own choosing, they are in fact working in their own interest ahead of others. But what about work-life balance? Again, those that have understood their most important values and have created a values-based purpose for themselves don’t have a work-life balance problem. They make choices, not sacrifices. They derive their happiness from pursuing a meaningful purpose, not simply from chasing power, position or wealth. Ironically, I’ve found that some of the busiest business leaders turn out to be the best parents and spouses because they are intrinsically happy about their own values and purpose. This intrinsic happiness

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My own personal experience is similar. Before I had full clarity about my values and purpose, if someone asked me what my priority in life was, like most people, without thinking I would say “Family.” However, I eventually realized I was only saying so because it was a convenient, societally correct answer, but I wasn’t really doing anything consciously to be the best husband or father that I could be. Upon honestly asking myself what I wanted really wanted, I realized that giving as much to the world through my work was the single most important thing in my life. I decided to become a thought leader in my profession and made work my priority. Pursuing my passion filled me with immense happiness and a deep sense of gratitude for having the opportunity to make a difference in my own humble way. The funny thing is this: After admitting to myself that work is my #1 priority, I became a better husband and a better father. Unlike earlier, now I started making a conscious effort to be one. Now, there’s no difference between my “work” and “life” so there’s no need to balance the two. They are one and the same thing. In both, you live your values with full emotional integrity. SO, ARE YOU MAKING CHOICES OR SACRIFICES? HOW HAPPY ARE YOU? AND WHAT IS THE IMPACT OF YOUR HAPPINESS (OR UNHAPPINESS) ON YOUR LEADERSHIP?

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Crucible Moments and How They Transform Us

BY CAROLYNE NJOGU

Why are some people gritty, more resilient, and more attuned to coping in a crisis more than others? Could it be that these individuals have already had their training during some crucible moments in their past and are thus mentally trained to navigate hard times? The reality is that crucible moments are inevitable for us all. It is part of life, and all are subject to experience them at some point in the course of living. How we choose to cope with what comes upon us is what makes or breaks us. In essence, crucible moments test our capacity for leadership. Often, the stakes demand one to take up new responsibilities, make critical decisions, and deal with pressure and a host of other uncertainties.

Photo by Brandon Erlinger-Ford on Unsplash

For those who choose to make the best of these crucible moments, they seem to share Epictetus’ belief that “it is not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters”. Issue 33 I November 2019 13

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WHAT IS A CRUCIBLE MOMENT? Crucible moments are times in our lives when we experience circumstances that forever transform us. They challenge one to question their beliefs and values, and leave one with a completely new identity – hence the term crucible: a place of testing. A Harvard Business Review study titled Crucible Leadership reported that, “The crucible experience was a trial and a test, a point of deep self-reflection that forced leaders to question who they were and what mattered to them. It required them to examine their values, question their assumptions and hone their judgment.”

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Crucible moments are unwelcomed, unplanned, and seem to impact one’s personal and professional life deeply, but there is wisdom and strength to draw from them if one is willing to look within.

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When in the crucible, one often does not realise what’s happening until later, during introspection, and this exemplifies the saying ‘what does not kill you, will make you stronger’.

CRUCIBLE MOMENTS TEST YOUR CHARACTER Much like the alchemist refines his metal through fire in a crucible, one’s leadership is called upon during such times. In the leadership context, crucible moments transform the leader’s experience from, say, gross pain to pleasure and from obstacles to opportunities – much of which is discerned from the lessons learnt.

Consequently, Mandela spent almost 28 years in prison. His biographer Rick Stengel said, “Mandela’s imprisonment was a crucible that steeled him. He was a tempestuous, compassionate man who went into prison and prison just molded him and forced him not to show any of that emotion. And the man who emerged was a different man.” Today, Mandela is dubbed as one of the most inspiring leaders in the 21st century.

A NATION IN TRYING TIMES: AN EXAMPLE FROM THE US Nations – like individuals – do go through crucible moments as well. For example, the United States (US) experienced such trying times on Sep 11, 2001, which is also commonly referred to as 9/11. Since the fatal attacks, many families were forever transformed by the trauma and loss of loved ones. Similarly, the nation as a collective was greatly impacted too since then; life is no longer the same. There is the US before 9/11 and the US after 9/11, and the two are quite different.

For example, former South African president Nelson Mandela didn’t know that his convictions expressed in his famous statement during the Rivonia Trial in 1964 would be a pivotal moment, not just for him but also for many generations after him.

As the nation coped with the aftermath of these attacks, fear and the distrust of some groups rose to levels of stressful wartime. According to one online observer, “It was not only the rise of ‘McCarthyism’ that moved me, but the fact that a political, objective, knowledgeable campaign from the far right was capable of creating not only terror, but a new subjective reality, a veritable mystique which was gradually assuming even a holy resonance.

“It is an ideal for which I hope to live for and to see realized. But my Lord, if it needs to be, it is an ideal for which I am prepared to die.” – Nelson Mandela

“It was as though the whole country had been born anew, without a memory even of certain elemental decencies which a year or two earlier no one would have imagined could be altered, let alone forgotten.”

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Nevertheless, people’s resolve prevailed and the nation’s will to defend freedom and resilience remains. Since then, sacrifice, courage, service and love of country became the values by which Americans rallied around. Crucibles demand adaptation. The US as a whole has been forced to adapt to and drill for unknowns, thus developing skills and the will to prepare for such precarious times.

MINING YOUR GOLD We all experience crucible moments at one point or another in our lives. Thus, our best bet is for us to build the capacity to face the crucible. In the book, Finding Your True North: A Personal Guide, the authors suggest documenting your crucible experiences so as to make sense of them.

IN A NUTSHELL There is no way of escaping crucible moments, at least not for the living – they are part of being alive and human. They are bound to happen to all of us regardless of age, religion, gender, or status.

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Crucible leaders emerge in all their glory because they have already confronted their worst fears, assumptions, beliefs and values in the crucible.

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From children being born without the other parent present, to others instantly becoming orphans, 9/11 epitomises tragic memories ingrained in many of us till today.

The choice to seek meaning from the experience leads one to be more teachable, open-minded, adaptable, and possibly transformed – where humility, curiosity, resilience, and willingness to learn become one’s new identity and the epitome of crucible leadership effectiveness.

Making sense of your crucible can have great gains if you are willing to step back and self-reflect. Here, you challenge your views, assumptions, beliefs and values, therefore gaining a deeper sense of what the crucible brought forth and emerging from it with your new identity. Here are some questions to ask yourself following a crucible moment: • Could I have done anything differently to avoid the experience and if so, what would that be? • Why was this experience such a challenge to me? • In hindsight, how would I confront this challenge today? Try this: Write a letter to your younger self, addressing the statement, “If I knew then what I know now, I would have…” Remember to be detailed in your response. • What is the most important lesson learnt from this crucible moment?

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Photo by Benjamin Patin on Unsplash

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5 Signs You Lack Self-Awareness BY JOANNE LOVE

Self-awareness is a quality that will bring out the best in you, and those you work with. It can enhance our reasoning and our thinking, as well as improving our interpersonal skills for better relationship outcomes. In fact, the one competency that great leaders have in common is self-awareness. Early in their careers, these leaders were able to recognise their strengths and weaknesses, enabling them to positively change their behaviour for all concerned. But for some coaches, trying to improve a student’s selfawareness can be really frustrating. Whilst it is never easy to bring to attention a person’s blind spots, and to teach them how to improve their conduct; eventually most will welcome and flourish from their training. 16

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In fact, many find that as their self-awareness improves, they acquire a growing desire to leave some sort of positive mark on the world, be it with their employees or their projects. But then there are others just like those who audition on television shows such as Australian Idol. Many potential “idols” screech out a song, only to be laughed at by the judges, and then look confused and surprised to even think that the judges could consider them to be bad. Why would they put themselves out there on national television, only to be ridiculed by all? Sure, some are in it for the attention or to have a joke, but for others—who truly believe they can be the next Australian Idol—they fall into the poor self-awareness category. These people need to be wokened up before realisation sinks in that, maybe, just maybe, they aren’t perfect after all. I am sure there are people reading this now, who know someone who is the epitome of what I am talking about. Unfortunately, the truth is, there are many in leadership positions with little or no self-awareness, who are at risk

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To compound the issue, having the ability to acknowledge your level of self-awareness can be a paradox in itself: you need to be aware enough about yourself, to learn to know yourself even better. Hopefully, these five warning signs are a signal to you, that you might need help: 1. ‘I only told Bob he was a halfwit, because he needed to be put back in his place.’ BEING CONSTANTLY DEFENSIVE In other words, you may have received some objective feedback that didn’t support your opinions. Instead of listening calmly to the information offered, you jump to the defensive, and we all know defensive people try to deflect the problem by going on the offensive. 2. ‘I had to take over the job, because Sally really had no idea what she was doing.’ MUST MICROMANAGE Sally really did know what she was doing, but you just needed to be in control. You find fault in minor inconsequential things. However, behind the scenes you are most likely failing with bigger things. Left unattended, these bigger issues will spiral out of control, affecting both your future and possibly the business. 3. ‘Yes but. . .’ MAKE EXCUSES Every time I hear someone making an excuse using this phrase, I know they really aren’t interested in hearing from others. In your mind you know you are always right and there is a perfectly good reason for why you are right, and everyone else just doesn’t get it! Unfortunately, you are missing opportunities to explore options that may have great benefits to all. And over time, this conditioned response soon becomes an ingrained habit that is hard to break, and holds you back from growing.

4. ‘I don’t know why they think I am a bully.’ YOU’VE BEEN CALLED A BULLY MORE THAN ONCE Yes, you are a bully and you don’t know it. You have no sense of what you do that makes people say you are a bully, and you can’t understand why they think you are one. Until you grasp that you aren’t perfect, and do have faults, then you might get off your high horse and respond with a bit more empathy and humility. Until then, watch out world. 5. ‘No, I am not negative behind his back.’ YOU’RE IN DENIAL Saying one thing, but acting or behaving differently. You don’t realise that your behaviour is the driving force which is creating conflict with others. When you lack awareness of your behaviour, you then miss chances to make positive change. People are great at inventing logical reasons to cover things they are often scared to tackle. However, constant denial will not only create toxic interpersonal relationships, but often lead to personal burnout because of the underlying stress that you fail to recognise. FOOD FOR THOUGHT If you have answered “yes” to two or more of these questions, you need to work on your self-awareness. Self-awareness is a learnable skill, not navel-gazing as many assume.

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Self-awareness can allow you to make better judgements and allow you to have more control and flexibility over your reactions to events. How can you improve your self-awareness?

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of going down a path to self-destruction, whether it be a career demise or damage to family life.

Joanne Love Leadership coach and trained psychologist Joanne can teach you how to lead people to achieve greater success.

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Photo by Warren Wong on Unsplash

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BY EUGENE TEE AND SANDY CLARKE

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

So goes the famous quote from Plato. Or was it Philo of Alexandria? Or Ian MacLaren, the Scottish theologian? So often, we fixate on the details of life that it becomes too easy to lose sight of the valuable lessons it has to offer. In the Bible, we find Jesus advising people of the “Golden Rule,” that we should treat others as we would have them treat us. He also encourages us to avoid judging, lest we be judged ourselves. Rooted in the three teachings mentioned above, we get a sense of urgency to look beyond ourselves, to pay attention to the plights of others, and to afford people our understanding and acceptance in the place of intolerance and rejection. 18

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Are You Being Kind To Yourself?

We become obsessed with how we should interact with others that we miss out on an essential part of the lesson: that we are called to take care of ourselves as well as those around us. Within spiritual practice in particular, there is a misconception long held by some that we are less important and less deserving than others when it comes to understanding and forgiveness.

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But in truth, we are as deserving of our own forgiveness as others are.

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One such virtue is self-compassion, which ties in neatly with the idea of self-forgiveness. Being self-compassionate means treating yourself with the same level of kindness as you would a good friend, or a loved one.

It’s sad that we judge ourselves most harshly, that we hold ourselves to ridiculously high standards, and feel ourselves unworthy of kindness and forgiveness for sharing the same quality of being human with billions of other people. Little wonder, then, that mental health issues, such as chronic anxiety and depression, along with feelings of loneliness and isolation are rife throughout much of the world. We don’t see it as the norm, let alone practise the gift of kindness towards ourselves.

Finding forgiveness and compassion within you

Why is it we know, for the most part, that everyone deserves some breathing space to be human, and yet when it comes to our own lives, we are relentless in our expectations? In Buddhism, the Tibetans have a saying, “May all beings be happy and free from suffering.” Here, we again see ourselves included with the word all. While it’s important that we should work as best as we can to address those flaws we are able to overcome, the work can only begin by truly accepting ourselves for who we are and however we are: the more we resist and reject ourselves, the harder it becomes to grow into the best version of who we can become. Recent advances in psychological sciences highlight the importance of self-forgiveness and the need to be kind to ourselves. Indeed, new research in this area draws its focus away from seeing the self as being problematic, flawed, or worse, needing therapy. The science of positive psychology, in particular, emphasises the development of a mindset built on an individual’s unique strengths and virtues.

Being self-compassionate and forgiving is, as you might know, easier said than done. Both feel unnatural and strange. Try it now. Tell yourself you are going to be kind to yourself in the following week and treat yourself to a weekend getaway once you’re done with your hectic week.

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Do you feel like you deserve it? Or do thoughts arise along the lines of, “I haven’t done nearly enough to deserve a break”? Why is practising self-forgiveness and self-compassion so difficult?

1. The need for superiority

One reason may be that we have a mindset shaped by the endless striving for mastery or control over our work and personal lives. The competitive work environment drives our need to be certain and confident, and to be in charge of the situation at all costs. Consistently striving for the best creates the idea that we need to be perfect—or at the very least, to be seen as perfect in the eyes of others. There is simply no time to rest on our laurels—let alone be kind or forgiving to oneself. There is always a bit more to be done, a little bit more to attain in our lives. This desire for superiority may even extend to our personal lives. We must do better than our neighbours. Our children ought to do better than the neighbour’s children. We must do more for our family than our relatives. Our children deserve the very best. Issue 33 I November 2019 19

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Unknowingly, such a need for superiority means that we leave very little time and energy for us to consider our own needs and wants. And what happens when we mess up, or make mistakes along the way to perfection? Should we simply forgive ourselves for not fulfilling our fullest potential and for making one too many mistakes? “No! I haven’t the time to forgive myself when there’s just so much I must do; when there’s so much I should be achieving.”

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We may very well be our worst enemies, especially when we feel we have not accomplished as much as we should have. We live our day-to-day lives under the tyranny of “shoulds” and “coulds” or “could haves” that paralyse our ability to be self-forgiving and self-compassionate.

2. Negative self-assessments as a motivating factor

Another reason why self-forgiveness does not come easily is because we think that negative, pessimistic assessments of ourselves are motivating. Intriguingly, such perceptions stem from a place of fear—a fear that being forgiving and compassionate towards ourselves is going to make us complacent. Our inner critic may be a remnant of our punitive upbringing, or a vestige of our educational experiences. Spare the rod and spoil the child. Such sayings influence the parenting and educational experiences we have growing up.

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How critical we are towards ourselves is, in part, shaped by what we were told, how we were judged, and how we were assessed in our early life. Is it any wonder, then, that we may be inadvertently raising a generation who may be academically brilliant, but whose self-worth is at the mercy of others’ evaluations and judgments? Perhaps we simply aren’t told that it’s perfectly fine and healthy to be kind to ourselves.

The remedy = Forgiving thyself

The antidote to such harsh, inward judging is selfforgiveness, and more broadly, self-compassion. Self-

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compassion is not self-pity or self-indulgence. Forgiving ourselves when we trip up helps us to recognise that we all face different battles and that everyone has different sufferings to contend with. Self-forgiveness and self-compassion acknowledges that we share a common humanity; that suffering is a pervasive part of the human experience and that we should be kind to all beings. All beings, including ourselves. Self-forgiveness, then, is not a luxury gift to be given but rather a necessity for our mental and emotional well-being. Self-forgiveness is a part of, and a pathway towards cultivating a more self-compassionate existence. None of us are or can be perfect, despite our best attempts at image projection and selective social media posts.

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As with life itself, we are all complex works in progress which, with the right tools and effort, can be transformed into works of art, much like sculptures that have been chiselled with care and their rough edges patiently smoothed.

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Kindness towards the self is absolutely the starting point if we hope to grow in any meaningful way and be of benefit to others. There’s a reason why all the great sages have urged us to “know thyself.”

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They understood that, if we hope to look beyond the faults of others and help them shine, the only way to achieve that desire begins with looking beyond our own faults and learning to shine ourselves.

How to achieve self-forgiveness

Self-forgiveness involves forgiving ourselves when things don’t go well, responding to situations where we may have messed up with a little more kindness and understanding towards ourselves. Self-forgiveness is related to self-compassion, where we try to be kinder to ourselves with the recognition that suffering, difficulty and troubles are all part of a shared human experience.

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Forgiving ourselves, and responding in a compassionate manner towards ourselves is difficult because we often have a strong need for superiority and feelings of competence. Our need for superiority may be shaped by competitive environments, which favours the need for control, certainty and assurance. Directing forgiveness, compassion and kindness toward ourselves also doesn’t come easily because of our upbringing and early educational experiences. These early experiences play an influential part in creating the notion that kindness breeds complacency. Reflecting on one’s early experiences may help in understanding and correcting these inaccurate views of self-compassion.

Eugene Tee Eugene Y.J. Tee is presently Senior Lecturer at the Department of Psychology, HELP University. His research interests are in the area of discrete emotions and emotional intelligence. Self-compassion is something Eugene tries to practise by looking at drafts of his articles on self-forgiveness and saying to himself, “It’s fine. Sandy will think it’s fine.” This occurred after the 5,327th draft.

Sandy Clarke Sandy is a keen practitioner of self-forgiveness, which usually occurs on a Monday after a weekend of digging into desserts. He recognises patience as a virtue, and each cheesecake his teacher.

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IMPROVING ORGANISATIONAL COMPETENCIES USING EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE BY ROUBEENI MOHAN

Photo by Charles on Unsplash

CULTURAL intelligence (CQ) was first defined by P. Christopher Earley and Soon Ang as a person’s ability to perform effectively in intercultural contexts. According to the experts at MSI Global talent solutions, CQ is the vision to look at the global environment and interpret its particulars and patterns quickly and accurately. While CQ involves looking at the global landscape, Emotional Intelligence (EQ) revolves around looking inwards. Its values form our core principles to accept and adapt to changes. 22

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It is important to be emotionally intelligent in order to work across the world with multiple organisations which have multiple cultures. In his book, Working with Emotional Intelligence, author Daniel Goleman stated that based on his conversation with the heads of development at Fortune 500 companies, they complained that there was a lack of fixed standard or yardsticks available for “soft” skills training. Based on these observations, Goleman drew up a set of guidelines to improve emotional competence.

The following are the guidelines:

1. Determine Readiness

It is extremely crucial for managers or leaders to identify the individuals who are ready to undergo training. If a person is found not ready, managers should make it a priority to develop that readiness.

2. Focus on Clear Goals

People need to be aware of what the competence is, and the steps needed to improve it. Poorly focused programmes for change will either lead to fuzzy outcomes or fail entirely.

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Therefore, it is important to make specifics of the competence clear and offer a workable plan.

3. Make change selfdirected

When people are allowed to choose their learning programmes according to their needs, the learning process becomes more effective. One-size-fits-all training programmes help no one specifically. Have people choose their own goals for development and help them design a plan to pursue them. Self-directed training may not be possible in a large group. Therefore, organise soft skill training for smaller groups and allow people to sign up for the sessions they would like to attend.

4. Give performance feedback

According to Goleman, ongoing feedback can encourage and help direct change. This feedback could come from supervisors, peers, and friends.

5. Encourage practice

Ensuring that change lasts requires sustained practice both off and on the job. A one-day seminar might be helpful, but it can only last for a short time. The new behaviours gained need to be put into practice consistently for months before it becomes a natural thing.

Concluding Thoughts

According to Goleman, there are two key points that we need to take note of. Firstly, each of the above-stated element is necessary for effective learning, but it is not sufficient on its own. The second key point, he says, is the impact of each element increases to the degree it is part of a process that includes the others.

6. Arrange support

People who are also trying to make the same changes can offer crucial ongoing support. Building a network of support will make the change easier. Even a single buddy or mentor will help, Goleman says. Those with a common goal are in a better position to understand each other and recognise one anotherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s frustrations and strengths.

7. Encourage

It would be better if the organisation has an environment that encourages this change, with proper support provided. It is also an advantage if it shows that it values the competence, as well as allows experimentation.

Roubeeni Mohan Roubeeni Mohan is a writer at Leaderonomics who believes that written words have a greater impact than words said because it stays longer.

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How to Work with an Autocratic Leader

BY DR. THUN THAMRONGNAWASAWAT

In the Wall Street Journal Bestseller Book Open Source Leadership (2017, McGraw-Hill), Rajeev Peshawaria and the Iclif Leadership and Governance Centre make a convincing argument that the breakneck speed of the 21st Century requires a more autocratic style of leadership. An autocratic leadership style is characterized by the decision-making process, with choices being made by a single person. In contrast, a democratic style of leadership means members of the group take a more participative role in the decision-making process, often through consensus or majority. To be accurate, the book talks about leaders needing to become a ‘Positive Autocrat’ where there is a balance between compassion and mission. Specifically, a Positive Autocrat is clear and relentless on their leadership values and purpose, while retaining the empathy and humility about everything else. Supporting skill sets include listening and reflecting, forgiving more often, earning the right to be autocratic, and giving people freedom within a framework. While I agree wholeheartedly that this is the style of leadership that makes change happen, positive autocracy still contains the word ‘autocrat’. And, positive or not, you can agree that working for someone described as an autocrat has its challenges. Autocrats have often been described as stubborn and unyielding in their view of the world. If you have ever worked with one, most of the time they seem – through your lens anyway – to fixate on their agenda; plowing through anything that blocks the way. When someone else has an idea, it is never good enough. Ultimately you grow 24

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tired of explaining to the point where it doesn’t seem worth it. But the dilemma is, if you resort to shutting up and following orders, then you come across as lacking innovation and not thinking out-of-the-box. So, what to do? How do you work with such leadership behaviours? Especially with someone who has a position power and authority over you? Even if your leader is well on their way to becoming a positive autocrat, you still must learn to navigate this new leadership style. Because in the current era where innovative workers are replacing knowledge ones, your survival may depend on it. Here is my proposed solution. Or, at least something for you to think about. 1. Be autocratic. Many subordinates think that when you have a ‘bossy’ leader, the best choice is to shut up and follow orders. Gonzague Dufour, author of the book Managing Your Manager: How to Get Ahead with

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Any Type of Boss (2011, McGraw-Hill), says that “this is a huge mistake”. Based on my own conversations with executives, autocratic leaders told me they prefer people who ‘challenge them’ instead of those who simply comply. A colleague of mine retells a story he heard at Tesla of the CEO Elon Musk ejecting people who were not contributing from the meeting room. So, the first step towards paving your way with an autocraticstyle leader is to convince yourself to speak up, not shut up. 2. Earn the right to be listened to. But there is a reason why you wanted to shut up in the first place, right? Because you still remember what it felt like the last time you said something to your boss. You nearly got your head bit off – at least it felt that way. My advice is to examine whether you have earned your right to be listened to. The brain is not always fact-based. When, how, and who says things often means as much as what is said. For instance, if this is your first year at the firm, a radical idea on client strategy may not be welcomed with open arms. Or, if you failed utterly to deliver on the previous promise, your proposal to start a new project probably will run into much scepticism. Work your way up the ladder. My friend who works at Apple told me about their culture: before you can make a Category 3 suggestion, you need to have proven your worthiness at Category 1 and 2. 3. Build your psychological security. Laura Delizonna wrote in Harvard Business Review about a concept called Psychological Safety (August 24, 2017). It is the common factor identified amongst highest-performing teams. Psychological Safety is the belief that you won’t be punished when you make a mistake. Personally, I am not keen on the term. I just think the word ‘safety’ is opposite to ‘risk-taking’ that is key to speaking your thoughts. Instead, I’m choosing to think of the concept as psychological security. But the linguistic nit-picking aside, I agree that for you to stand up for your idea, you must have a degree of confidence in the worstcase scenario. Ask yourself “What is the worst that can happen by speaking up?”. You will be surprised to find that the worst is not as bad as you think, once you have the courage to confront it. 4. Know the trigger. Working with autocratic leaders you must know where NOT to challenge. Positive autocrats are taught to be adamant on their values and purpose. Thus, to work for one you must be mindful of what those are – otherwise you will learn it the hard way. For instance, I work with a boss who values hard work and earned respect. Once, I made the mistake of overstepping my boundary along those lines; I needed my colleagues to shovel me out of the ground! While

it may seem that everything sets off your leader, I challenge you to pause and observe your experiences. You will find that only certain things actually trigger her. And if you dig a little deeper, your leader’s values and purpose lie beneath. Familiarize yourself with what they are, and you can minimize the chance of having your psychological security zone busted. 5. Lose the battles but win the war. You will not win many arguments with an autocratic leader, even a positive one. In fact, you will lose most of them. The important thing is to know which are your battles and which are your wars. Battles are not important; the wars are – it isn’t a zero-sum game. Many subordinates fail to work effectively with an autocratic leader because they have unrealistic, and frankly unproductive, expectations to win on all points. For example, if your objective is to present your idea to the CEO, then having him agree to the idea is just a battle. Having your idea heard is the war. Be happy that you got an uninterrupted 15-minutes to showcase your thought; and stop blaming your boss for not having the foresight to see the point. You won your war today. Live to fight the next battle. 6. Value alignment. For a team to function well in the 21st Century it comes down to this: People work well together when their values are aligned – or at least overlapped. The Open Source Leadership research shows that professionals today are more intrinsically driven than extrinsic. That means people work for their own reasons not others’. And, since the brain likes to align its BASE: Belief, Action, Social, and Environment, we gravitate towards those who share our values. For example, if I believe in helping people become a better version of themselves and my boss has a similar belief, then we will find common ground despite our different ideas and approaches. On the other hand, if he believes in winning at all costs irrespective of others, then it doesn’t matter whether he is a positive autocrat or not. Our values simply do not match. So, before you say your relationship with your boss is a lost cause, examine closely the real reason why you are not working well with him. Is it simply techniques and skills? Or is it an intrinsic misalignment of values? Because it’s too convenient to simply blame it on him being an autocrat!

Dr. Thun Thamrongnawasawat

Dr Thun is one of the foremost experts on dissecting complex management and business models and cascading them for easy implementation by companies across different industries. His innovative B.A.S.E. model has inspired numerous organisations to transform.

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How Can You Become A More Empathetic Leader? BY ROSHAN THIRAN

Photo by Karina Vorozheeva on Unsplash

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He sighed and shrugged his head. He then went on to lament how everything, including all decisions made, singularly revolved around the “great” leader and everyone else had to just jump according to instructions from the top. He wishes he had stayed at his old organisation and not been swayed by the “grass is greener on the other side” syndrome. Fortunately, in many corporate entities, the evolution of leadership has, thankfully, shifted from ‘The Great Man’ style of leading, where one person is in charge and understood to call all the shots, to a more collaborative relationship between leaders and their team that comes with the message, “Let’s figure this out together.” Collaboration is a wonderful approach in today’s competitive market. From a business perspective, the array of ideas and solutions offered up by more than one or two people often yield the kinds of positive results that would take much longer to think up by just one person ruminating at their desk. However, when we seek to collaborate with others, there’s one key resource from the emotional intelligence toolbox that often gets overlooked: empathy. It seems so obvious – how can we work well alongside others if we neglect to connect with them and make an effort to see things from their perspective, presuming instead that everyone is automatically on the same wavelength?

Writing on empathy for the Harvard Business Review, Earnest J. Wilson III of the University of California drives home the importance of this key skill in leaders and notes:

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According to an unpublished survey of our graduates over the past 10 years who now occupy professional positions, empathy is most lacking among middle managers and senior executives: the very people who need it most because their actions affect such large numbers of people.

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A few weeks ago, I met up with an old classmate. I asked him how his new job was going. He had left a big multinational organisation to join a progressive government entity and he was hoping to make a big difference to the nation.

What is empathy?

According to Paul Ekman – a world expert on emotions – there are three kinds of empathy, which are:

I have personally experienced all three forms of empathy in different situations, yet there is no one form of empathy that trumps the others. There are certain situations where cognitive empathy – where we understand how someone else may feel yet remain detached – is critical to make tough decisions occasionally. Compassionate empathy and emotional empathy can sometimes cause emotional burnout and occasionally, others may take advantage and manipulate a compassionate and empathetic person. Nonetheless, a person who is high in compassionate empathy would be a wonderful friend to have. Which bring us to the question, is empathy important in business leadership?

Why is empathy important in leadership?

1. Cognitive empathy Just knowing how someone might be feeling and what thoughts might be running through their mind. At the core, this is perspective-taking, where we may not necessarily have sympathy but we are aware of the emotions of others.

Before answering the question, it’s important to make a distinction between authentic empathy and how we might tend to view it generally. Authentic empathy, in my opinion, is when leaders make the effort to listen, understand and care, while being mindful of context and perspective.

2. Emotional empathy When we can actually tap into and feel what the other person is feeling: this is a skill that doctors and nurses, for example, would have cultivated during time spent with patients under their care.

Empathy isn’t about “being nice” – it’s about recognising the appropriate approach to take when confronted by the struggles of someone in need.

3. Compassionate empathy The most holistic form of empathy. Not only are we aware of how someone may be feeling and attuned to their emotions, but we are also driven to help the person if needed.

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For example, the employee who is struggling in their new role, despite giving every effort to fit in and perform at their best, is likely to need the kind of support and guidance from their leader that is driven by compassionate empathy. On the other hand, an employee who fails to pull their weight for no apparent reason and turns up late to the office every day will require a different approach altogether if the leader hopes to deal effectively with their situation. In his book, Leaders Eat Last, Simon Sinek suggests that exceptional organisations “prioritise the wellbeing of their people and, in return, their people give everything they’ve got to protect and advance the well-being of one another and the organisation.” When it comes to leaders – whether of a small home business or an MNC (multinational corporation) – he adds that we all have the responsibility to become the leaders we wished we had as we went through our journey towards where we are today. Whatever our leadership level, our relationships are built around people and we all want to work alongside those who make the effort to understand our needs, hopes, and desires. As is always the case, it’s the role of those in leadership positions who need to set the standard by leading by example. Being empathetic towards others not only bolsters relationships and increases levels of confidence and trust, it also acts as the glue that holds a whole organisation together. Without empathy, everything has the potential to fall apart.

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Leaders must not only open their ears and eyes to the activity around them; they must also learn to listen to the hearts of others. Likewise, unless employees truly empathise with their leaders (i.e. understand both the emotional and logical rationale for decisions made), organisations may never reach their full potential.

But how?

I recently witnessed a dialogue between a leadership team of an organisation where the leaders talked at each other, but hardly made an effort to listen and discover collaborative opportunities. To me, the starting point of an empathic organisation is when both leaders and employees stop talking and start listening to understand.

We flew down to apologise. But she refused to see us. We stayed outside her office almost the whole day till she finally came out. And we bowed down to her and apologised profusely, truly empathising with her pain. She left without acknowledging us nor uttering a word. Yet, a few weeks later, she sent a few more engines for us to service with a caution advising us that if we ever messed up again, our apologies would mean nothing. We never messed up again. Having the ability to not only empathise with each other internally but also externally with our customers can truly be transformative for our business. If each leader and employee in our organisation has an empathic heart, many of the problems we face may be a thing of the past.

Genuine empathy can transform a business. In 1999, I was tasked to transform an aviation business and came in as an executive director and chief financial officer of the business. We were a small company with limited customers and we finally landed a huge customer from China. But as soon as we got the order, we messed up the work and the customer was fuming mad. We had hoped that doing a good job would have yielded us more work from them but instead, it looked like it was the end of the relationship. Our chief executive officer Peter Jerin felt significant pain, not for us, but for the customer. He knew that the head of engineering at the airline trusted us with their engines but got shoddy work for her trust.

Roshan Thiran

Roshan is the founder and CEO of the Leaderonomics Group. He believes that everyone can be a leader and make a dent in the universe, in their own special ways.

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When An Employee Makes A Mistake, How You React Is Everything

Image | pixabay

How much do you value your people’s efforts? BY LISA QUAST

Have you ever reacted in a certain way and then later regretted it? It might have been with a co-worker, someone who works for you, your boss or even your significant other or children. This is a tale of two workplace situations.

Scenario 1

Amy works for ABC Manufacturing company. One day, she makes what her boss believes is a mistake. Her manager, John, gets angry and yells at Amy in front of her peers. When she tries to explain, he cuts her off, calls her stupid and says, “Now I can’t trust you to do anything right.” He turns to the rest of the team in the conference room and says, “See, this is what happens when you act like an idiot!” Then he storms out.

Results

Amy is embarrassed and feels terrible. She didn’t mean to do anything wrong; she thought she had come up with a creative way to accomplish what her boss had asked of her. Amy loses confidence in her skills and begins questioning her work abilities. She feels uncomfortable around her boss, worried about how he’ll react. Amy’s co-workers are also impacted. They begin going to John to find out exactly how he wants things done, because they worry about his reaction if they don’t meet his expectations. Productivity decreases, innovation decreases, morale and employee engagement decrease, and micromanagement increases.

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Scenario 2

Amy works for ABC Manufacturing company. One day, she makes what her boss believes is a mistake. Instead of getting angry during the staff meeting, John pauses and then says, “Amy, help me understand what you did.” Amy explains that when she attempted to complete the work John had assigned her, she realised there were redundancies in the information she was required to enter into the information technology (IT) system. She met with two experts on the team and they made several quick changes to the system. “A few of the screens now look slightly different, but removing the redundant information areas should save several hours of work each week.” John thanks Amy for her quick identification of the redundancies and her proactivity in streamlining the IT system. He also praises the two IT experts for jumping in and making the quick changes.

Productivity increases, innovation increases, morale and employee engagement also increase.

Bringing it together

Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, said: “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In those choices lie our growth and our happiness.” Every day, you will be challenged with how to respond when situations arise. Before responding with a knee-jerk reaction, pause. Think about the options you have in how you could respond and consider the impact those reactions could cause… because how you react will be an outward demonstration of your inner character.

“It’s these types of daily innovations that will ultimately benefit our customers. I really appreciate everyone’s teamwork. Nice job!”

Results

Amy is grateful for the recognition her boss gave her in front of her peers. She begins trying even harder to find areas for improvement. Amy’s co-workers see how much their boss values innovation and teamwork; they too, begin looking for ways to improve workflows. 30

Issue 33 I November 2019

Lisa Quast

Lisa is a consultant in marketing, strategic planning and talent development. She is also a career coach and writer. Do you have a story to share about a time you reacted badly?

LEADERS

DIGEST

“

There is no separation of mind and emotions; emotions, thinking, and learning are all linked. — Eric Jensen

”

Photo by Abishek on Unsplash

Issue 33 I November 2019 31

Building Leaders of Excellence LEADERSHIP INSTITUTE OF SARAWAK CIVIL SERVICE KM20, JALAN KUCHING SERIAN,SEMENGGOK, 93250 KUCHING, SARAWAK. 082-625166

info@leadinstitute.com.my

082-625966

www.leadinstitute.com.my

Photo by Joshua K. Jackson on Unsplash