Leader's Digest #75 (May 2023)

Publication Team

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Leader’s Digest is a monthly publication by the Leadership Institute of Sarawak Civil Service, dedicated to advancing civil service leadership and to inspire our Sarawak Civil Service (SCS) leaders with contemporary leadership principles. It features a range of content contributed by our strategic partners and panel of advisors from renowned global institutions as well as established corporations that we are affiliated with. Occasionally, we have guest contributions from our pool of subject matter experts as well as from our own employees.

The views expressed in the articles published are not necessarily those of Leadership Institute of Sarawak Civil Service Sdn. Bhd. (292980-T). No part of this publication may be reproduced in any form without the publisher’s permission in writing.

Editorial Desk

Growth

John Brandon, the contributing editor for Inc. Com in his article wrote that great leadership is akin to gardening. He also believes that a gardener is very different from a master gardener. He says that “A master gardener pays attention to the details. It’s not always an innate quality. By sheer hard work, constant research, an investment in time, and consistent habits he or she fosters growth in ways an ordinary gardener doesn’t understand. A great leader works harder for better results.”

Leaders with a growth mindset possess a healthy attitude towards self-development. They believe you can always learn and grow. And with hard work and great strategies, a growth mindset can achieve almost anything the mind is set towards. Are you a leader with a growth mindset? Here are some questions for you to reflect on.

Do you give up when it gets hard? Do you possess high levels of resilience and push through tough times and bounce back?

Do you believe in you? Do you believe in yourself? Do you have a high level of self-awareness and trust your own resourcefulness when it comes to making things happen?

Are you open to feedback? Do you seek out feedback from others? Do you see feedback as a gift and find different ways of gaining feedback on yourself?

How much effort do you put into achieving your goals? Do you put in relentless amounts of effort to achieve growth ambitions?

Are you comfortable with failure? Do you see failure as an opportunity to learn and without failure you’re not trying anything new? Do you see your attempts as an inevitable part of growing?

Are you happy for others to succeed? Do you see others’ successes as an opportunity to learn? Do you seek to understand how others approach the things they succeed in? Do you learn how others adjust their approaches?

Take time to look for growth in others.

As a leader, you realize that, in the right conditions, people do actually learn, grow, and change. Be the person who tells others what they are doing right and give them chance, after chance to grow into someone amazing.

The Trap of Thinking It’s Too Late for Big Things in Our Lives

BY GREGG VANOUREK

Exploring the Pursuit of Dreams and the Good Life: Is It Ever Too Late?

Are we living a good life?

Have we been pursuing our dreams?

If we were to die tomorrow, would we be happy with our life, knowing we’ve lived well?

Or are we thinking it’s too late to live a good life and pursue the things we want in life—our goals, dreams, or adventures?

These questions may be uncomfortable, but they’re essential in informing our quality of life and whether we experience a sense of fulfilment.

The State of Our Dreams

Most of us have goals and dreams. Common examples include having a family, traveling around the world, building a dream home, running a marathon, writing a book, living abroad, learning a language, climbing a mountain, achieving financial security or independence, starting a new venture, and things like visiting every state (or continent) or every national park.

With 11.6% of the U.S. population (37.9 million people) living in poverty in 2021, about half the world population living on less than $6.85 (USD) per person per day, and about 9.2% of the world population (719 million people) living in extreme poverty, on less than $2.15 a day, even having these dreams is a privilege.

According to the 2016 Global Dreams Index Survey, polling 5,484 women aged 18 and older in 14 countries across six continents, about half the world’s female population isn’t satisfied with their current lives and has given up on their dreams. But of the women who did pursue their dreams, 82% were satisfied with life.

According to a 2021 Moneypenny survey, only 7% of Americans reported that they were working in their dream career, and 54% overall report that they’re happy in their job (with 19% unhappy and 27% neither happy nor unhappy).

According to a survey of more than 2,000 Americans, 22% reported that they pursued one of their childhood career aspirations, while 78% reported that they didn’t. Of those who ended up in a childhood dream job, 88% reported that they’re happy with their current job, versus 70% for those who didn’t (but 70% is still high).

When it comes to our views of the good life, recent data shows that they’ve been changing recently. Today, more people focus on good health, a simple and balanced life, and meaningful connections with people. Meanwhile, insufficient income is the top obstacle to the good life, with 62% of respondents noting that as a top hindrance.

Source: Image is from freepik.com by @freepik.

Changes in Life Expectancy and Retirement Patterns

As many people consider whether it’s too late to pursue goals and dreams, the context has changed significantly when it comes to life expectancy and retirement. For starters, people are now living longer on average. In 1960 (the first year the United Nations started tracking global data), average life expectancy was 52.5 years. Today, it’s up to 72 years. Average life expectancy for U.S. children born today is about 76 years.*

What’s more, the concept and practice of retirement are also changing rapidly. According to 2022 Gallup research, the average retirement age among U.S. workers is currently up to age 61 from age 57 in the 1990s. Today’s workers report that they expect to retire at age 66, on average. Meanwhile, the percentage of people aged 55 to 74 who are retired is declining, because people are working longer.

Think It’s Too Late? Not So Fast

Given that context, let’s revisit the question of whether we think it’s too late to pursue our goals and dreams. My friend Karin has been a teacher, real estate broker, stockbroker, sales manager, and vice president at a global financial services company. At age 60, she chose to pursue some new endeavours that called to her heart and spoke to her core values

Karin earned a degree in spiritual psychology and became active with writing, photography, hospice, counselling prisoners, camps for children with cancer, coaching, and travel. The depth and joy she’s added to her life since making those changes are incalculable.

She’s not alone. Consider these examples of people who have proven that we have incredible potential to do things— sometimes big things—later in life:

ӹ At 61, Mahatma Gandhi led the Salt March to protest the British salt tax imposed on the people of India, walking about 200 miles (320 kilometers).

ӹ Colonel Sanders started Kentucky Fried Chicken when he was 65.

ӹ At age 65, Laura Ingalls Wilder published the first book in the Little House on the Prairie series.

ӹ Noah Webster published his first dictionary when he was 70.

ӹ Peter Roget published the very first thesaurus when he was 73.

ӹ At 75, Barbara Hillary, a cancer survivor, became one of the oldest people and the first black woman to reach the North Pole.

ӹ Grandma Moses, the American folk artist who was featured on the cover of TIME magazine, started painting when she was 78.

ӹ Japanese skier and alpinist Yuichiro Miura climbed to the top of Mount Everest at age 70 and then again at 80.

ӹ At age 85, German classical scholar Theodor Mommsen received a Nobel Prize in Literature.

ӹ At 92, Glady Burril ran a marathon.

ӹ Australian country and western artist Smoky Dawson composed, recorded, and released a new album at age 92.

ӹ At 100, Teiichi Igarashi climbed Mt. Fuji in Japan.

And remember: even Scrooge made some big changes later in life.

We should be careful here. These may be fun and inspiring examples, but the point of life isn’t achievements and world records.

For some, those kinds of adventures and accomplishments are motivating and meaningful. Others are interested in savouring life and spending time with their loved ones, books, or hobbies—or giving back in ways that are meaningful to them. The point isn’t adopting someone else’s dream or trying to impress people. Rather, it’s to live our own good life—and be sure we don’t play small and abandon the things we want to do for lame reasons that won’t stand the test of time.

7 Reasons Why We Fall into the Trap of Thinking

It’s

Too Late

There are many reasons we can fall into the trap of thinking it’s too late for important things we want to do. For example:

1. We’ve been so busy living and managing our daily responsibilities that we haven’t carved out enough time and energy to work bigger things.

2. We feel trapped by financial commitments or constraints. According to a 2023 CNBC / Momentive survey, 58% of Americans report living paycheck to paycheck. Sometimes lack of financial resources is a major impediment, but for some, it can be a rationalisation.**

3. We feel like it’s not practical or even a bit crazy to pursue some big goals and dreams. They may appear out of reach. And we may not be in the habit of pursuing them.

“People are capable, At any time in their lives, of doing what they dream of.”

- Paolo Coelho, Brazilian writer

4. We feel comfortable on our current path. It may feel like a heavy lift to resurrect some of those aspirations and get to work. We may be weighed down by inertia or complacency

5. We may feel pressure from family, peers, or others to remain on our current path or to fit into a more traditional definition of success. It may be that we’re letting ourselves get boxed in by others and what they want for us (or what we think they want for us)—or by conventional views

6. We fear going out of our comfort zone and failing in the attempt. Fear is indeed the great inhibitor, not just in this case but also with most hard things in life. But in many cases, our fears are phantoms conjured by the ancient part of our brain stem and no longer relevant for the modern world and our current circumstances.

7. We may lack confidence. It’s likely that doubts will creep in when we think about big things we’d like to do. So we may abdicate and retreat. Needlessly.

“ Most people don’t do what they love. It’s true…. And the older you get, and the more you look around, the easier it becomes to believe that you’ll end up the same. Don’t fall for the trap. -Nicolas Cole, writer and gamer ”

The Problem with Thinking It’s Too Late

These beliefs and rationalisations have real consequences. Feeling that it’s too late to pursue our deeper ambitions or live the life we want has big downsides.

According to researchers, as we contemplate our lives, we typically regret the things we didn’t try or do the most (more than the things we tried that didn’t work out) in the long run. According to Dan Pink’s American Regret Project survey, “inaction regrets outnumbered action regrets by nearly two to one.”

“ I knew that if I failed I wouldn’t regret that, but I knew the one thing I might regret is not ever having tried. -Jeff Bezos, founder and CEO, Amazon ”

In their book, Who Do You Want to Be When You Grow Old?

The Path of Purposeful Aging, Richard Leider and David Shapiro note that it’s not uncommon as we age to look back on our lives and regret things we haven’t done. Many people are living what they call the “default life,” which can prompt some tough questions:

“ Where did all the time go? How did my life pass so quickly? Why did I squander my one precious opportunity for living?”

When Richard asks older people about their biggest challenges, one of the common themes is “the fear of having missed out on life’s opportunities with no time left to catch up.” Enter the “late-life crisis.” In the book, Leider and Shapiro note that the “late-life crisis… really is a thing”—and that it affects both men and women. They cite recent research that about a third of people over age sixty experience it and that it’s “characterised by dissatisfaction; a loss of identity; an expectations gap and the feeling that life has peaked.”

How to Stop Thinking It’s Too Late: 12 Steps

How to interrupt these unhelpful thought patterns and the sense of futility that accompanies them? There are several things we can do to escape this wasteful trap:

1. Pay attention to whether we have limiting beliefs that are holding us back. Examples of such common beliefs: we’re not smart or talented enough; we lack the confidence or creative capacity to do what’s needed; we’re stuck; we’re not ready; we’re damaged goods.

2. Get clear on what we want in our next chapter. It helps to know our purpose, core values, and vision of the good life. Talk to friends and loved ones about our goals and dreams. Brainstorm and journal about our future possibilities. Revisit those childhood aspirations and revel in the enchantment of dreaming again.

3. Recognise that our capacities and potential in many areas increase as we age. Although we were stronger and faster when we were younger, we gather more knowledge, experience, wisdom, and insight as we age—as well as more connections. These are powerful assets when it comes to doing big things. When we’re older, we’ve shed some naive habits and beliefs from our wide-eyed youth, and we’re better at discerning patterns and understanding what it takes to navigate complexity and overcome challenges.

4. Let go of outside expectations—of caring too much about what others think. Focus instead on who we really are, what we really want, and where we want to go in the coming years.

5. Map how we spend our time. Too often, we waste large swaths of our days on things that are either questionable, trivial, or even counterproductive. If we stopped those things (or even some of them) and swapped in planning, preparation, and action on our

aspirations, we could make good progress on things that matter. Also, identify what we must stop doing to free up margin for the new endeavors.

6. Calendarise the most important things we must do Take the things we really want to do, break them into preparatory actions and steps, and then place those actions onto our calendar and integrate them into our daily and weekly routines.

7. Start small and build from there. Too often, we let the perfect be the enemy of the good. We talk ourselves out of even trying. We’re intimidated by the unknowns and what may seem like an insurmountable climb. The problem is that we’re discounting the compound effect of daily, disciplined action and the motivation it provides.

8. Form new habits that support our big ambitions

When we develop new habits and repeat them often, we not only re-wire our brain but also change our identity— our conception of ourselves. Create systems and routines that support our progress toward the things we want to do and keep making improvements

9. Be mindful of who we spend time with. The people we hang out with influence us deeply. There’s a big difference between being around people who encourage and inspire us versus people who criticise and belittle us. Some lift us up while others hold us back. Too often, we’re complicit in remaining oddly loyal to people who are only using or abusing us.

10. Revel in the excitement of doing something big and bold. Something that touches our heart. A rousing adventure. Bold endeavours, uncertain initiatives, and daring ventures stir our souls and bring us back to life.

11. Recall that we’re all mortal—and with an uncertain expiration date on this planet. Nobody knows when their time is up, so we should take full advantage of the time we have now.

“

12. Note that this business about pursuing goals and dreams doesn’t have to be a solitary or selfish endeavour. Far from it. We can team up with likeminded dreamers and seekers. And we can build service and impact into our plans and commitments. By pursuing our dreams, we may very well inspire others to do so as well.

“Ultimately, if you give up on your dreams, you teach your children to give up on theirs.

Conclusion

It’s a cliché to say it’s never too late and, of course, that’s not entirely true. Sometimes it is too late. Like when we’re dead and gone. But that doesn’t mean that the sentiment behind it is wrong. It isn’t.

The key is distinguishing between when it is truly too late and when it isn’t. And the point is that way too many people think it’s too late when in reality they’re deluding themselves or hiding. Here’s to snapping out of that delusion and honouring the gifts we’re given. Right now.

“Here’s a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you’re alive, it isn’t.”

- Richard Bach

Reflection Questions

1. Have you fallen into the trap of thinking it’s too late to pursue your goals and dreams?

2. If so, which ones? What aspirations are lying dormant within you?

3. How has that thought prevented you from bringing more excitement, meaning, and fulfilment into your life?

4. What will you do about it, starting today?

“The only calibration that counts is how much heart people invest, how much they ignore their fears of being hurt or caught out or humiliated. And the only thing people regret is that they didn’t live boldly enough, that they didn’t invest enough heart, didn’t love enough. Nothing else really counts at all.

-Ted Hughes, Letters of Ted Hughes”

GREGG VANOUREK

Gregg Vanourek is an executive, changemaker, and award-winning author who trains, teaches, and speaks on leadership, entrepreneurship, and life and work design. He runs Gregg Vanourek LLC, a training venture focused on leading self, leading others, and leading change. Gregg is co-author of three books, including Triple Crown Leadership (a winner of the International Book Awards) and LIFE Entrepreneurs (a manifesto for integrating our life and work with purpose and passion).

Keep death daily before your eyes.

-St. Benedict”

-Kate Owen”

The Suffering of Comparison

BY JULIET FUNT

There’s a pair of geese that live in a small pond behind our house, and I’ve been making up a story about them since the day they showed up. I hold an image in my head of a sweet little goose couple bonded together and happy as can be. I watch them flying, fishing, and eating—and in my mind, I assume a level of inner-goose peace and contentment to match what I see.

One day as the geese flew overhead and announced their arrival, an unexpected thought popped into my head: What if I’ve made all of this up? What if they have a terrible relationship, think a raven’s life would be more exciting, or dream longingly of Canada? The truth is that by observing their outsides, I know nothing about their insides.

We have this tendency to idealise others’ lives, be they fowl, friends, or colleagues. The very platforms where we digitally network and interact are designed for this kind of projection. (Don’t take that personally, LinkedIn, it’s the inherent design of all social media—especially where people congregate to advance their careers and companies.) We post what’s smart, impressive, and noteworthy about us. We appear in twodimensional well-lit headshots and edit our thoughts before sharing them. The ability to choose the impression we make adds up. Our baser selves and our frailties are nowhere to be seen.

A smiling headshot in a purposefully designed, public-facing brand doesn’t exempt people from the mixed bag of life experiences that you see so clearly in your own stories. Even “authentic” stories of failures, anxieties, and upheavals are usually not the whole story. (If I’ve ever been a person you assume to have a blessed life—or that I have it all figured out—you should know that there are private struggles you don’t know about and that I won’t share.) And this is true for everyone we admire.

Of course, you know this already. Yet this intellectual knowledge does not protect us from the visceral hit of betterthan and less-than wherever we look.

“Teddy Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” and Mark Twain said, “Comparison is the death of joy.” The Buddhists call this “the suffering of comparison.”

Source: Photo by Dietmar Becker @ unsplash

“We can choose actions that put a pin in the ballooning comparison in our minds.”

Pick your quote—they all say the same thing and concurrently imply the universality of this mental slip. But it can be worked on. We can choose actions that put a pin in the ballooning comparison in our minds. Try some of these techniques.’

Imagine trading places: Look at the person you are comparing yourself to, and imagine trading your life for theirs—100 percent wholeheartedly. Yes, you will get all the goodies you can see on the outside, but you may get all sorts of hidden mold and trapdoors you can’t see. You also have to give up your basket of truths: all of them. You need to give up your family, talents, experiences, and future, and you need to never remember them. If you imagine truly making the jump, you may have a different perception of your life’s tally sheet overall.

Find the truth beneath it all: Ask people who have an enviable glow or shine of success what it is really like for them on the inside. Along with their achievements, you will hear about self-doubt, divorces, mistakes, depression, bankruptcies, and imposter syndrome mixed in among all the good things. With few exceptions, the raw state of people is vulnerable and soft. The pandemic broke our ability to be fake in many ways. We simply became too tired for artifice, and people began to let more of their truths out. It’s a good time to ask ourselves for the rest of the story—the whole story, not just the sparkly one we can see.

Practice micro-gratitude:

When my kids were younger, we had a family meeting every weekend, and each of us had to end our share with one “grateful.” When they struggled to find something, the problem was clear. They always tried to find a “grateful” that was too big. I coached them to go small: the nice thing another kid said to them, finding leftover shepherd’s pie in the fridge when they thought there was none, or sinking the eight ball. Making note of your own small “gratefuls” will put the focus on the positive things in your own life in a doable way while also interrupting your comparison thought loop.

Use your envy as a compass:

Sometimes we are so busy and addled by technology that we can’t feel our inner compass, and we don’t know what we really want. Here is a shortcut to re-establishing contact. Just look at what you envy, and follow it like a map. That place— that thing or feeling—is what you want, or you would not yearn for it so. Flip the story, and let your sense of comparison and even jealousy serve you. Follow the envy. Maybe it sparks you to work harder on your business. Maybe it helps you work out when you don’t want to in the wake of its pull. Envy can fire us up.

“Whatever is going on in your work and life right now, take a minute to let yourself be with the geese on the pond, the goodness in your life, and the small “gratefuls” around you right now. The human tendency to compare will never leave us, but we can stop letting it become our primary gear. Instead, we can put our attention and mental spotlight on our own progress and, by using comparison as a tool for growth, reach new levels of success.”

Juliet Funt

Juliet Funt is the founder and CEO at JFG (Juliet Funt Group), which is a consulting and training firm built upon the popular teaching of CEO Juliet Funt, author of A Minute to Think.

NAVIGATING THE CONCEPT OF OVERQUALIFIED WHEN JOB SEEKING AND HIRING

BY MICHELLE GIBBINGS

Benefits of Hiring An Overqualified Person

You have the skills and capability for the role and nail the interview. However, then you get the rejection email or phone call. You find out that it’s not that you weren’t good enough for the role. The problem is you were too good for the position and were rejected because you are ‘overqualified’.

You’ll have heard this before, been the person to deliver the message or perhaps, been the person impacted by it.

Why worry?

Hiring managers worry about recruiting employees more qualified than the role requires for several reasons.

The typical reason given is they are worried that the prospective employee, who is highly skilled, will get bored and become disengaged working in a less challenging role. They worry that the position is just a holding pattern until something better comes along.

Research backs up this claim. However, there is also a counter perspective. Most recently, Associate Professor, Hans van Dilk from Tilburg University and colleagues suggested there are ways in which overqualification can enhance the performance of the overqualified employee and their team members. They also identified ten studies demonstrating how overqualification can enhance performance and found another 36 studies that showed no relationship between overqualification and performance.

The varying outcomes from the research are a reminder that the results of hiring someone who is overqualified depend on many factors, not least the hiring manager’s attitude.

For some leaders, the biggest reason for not wanting someone overqualified is less about the other person and more about their needs and concerns. These are the unstated fears of being overshadowed or outshone by an employee with more knowledge, capability and experience. It’s the unacknowledged fear that they’ll be unable to manage a highly qualified employee effectively.

For leaders lacking in self-confidence, hiring a more qualified employee is viewed as a decision that could ultimately threaten and weaken their position, power and authority.

Challenge your perspective

Researchers Maria Wasserman and colleagues define an overqualified employee as a person who “possesses more education, experience, knowledge or skills than required for their job”. They see overqualification as a form of personjob misfit, and their research shows how it often occurs for immigrants when they move to a new country and their prior skills and experience are not recognised.

In these situations, overqualification can lead to lower levels of job satisfaction.

So, for an employee being overqualified can be a source of unhappiness.

However, is that a reason not to hire someone in the first place? If someone has decided they want the role and applied for it, isn’t that enough? And isn’t the goal to hire the most suitable and best person for the role?

In the early part of my career, I applied for a job that was a graduate-level role. This application was despite my already being in the workforce, so technically, no longer at the graduate level. However, I was keen to get into the industry, so I was happy to do this. Yes, it was technically a lower level than my current role and required me to take a pay cut.

The hiring manager didn’t see the ‘overqualification’ as a negative. He saw it as a positive and took an adaptive approach to the situation, redesigning aspects of the role and changing the grading to accommodate my skills and experience.

I would have missed a fantastic opportunity if I had seen the job advertisement and not applied because it was a stepdown. The hiring manager also got what he needed – a highly skilled person to do the job.

Holding onto the notion of overqualification hinders at many levels. As the candidate, having this notion can impede your career growth and result in you walking away from potentially excellent opportunities. As the hiring manager, it can hinder your ability to find the talent you seek.

It helps to look at the benefits.

Benefits flow both ways

The benefits of hiring people with more skills than the job description require flow both ways.

Hiring manager/Employer

A highly skilled and capable team member brings new ideas and perspectives to the role, with the potential to support your organisation’s innovation and growth agenda.

There is always a learning curve when joining an organisation or taking on a new role, even when skilled. This time to competency is expedited, so there are potential productivity gains. They’ll likely also need less on-the-job training and support, which can save time and money.

Candidate/Team member

While the new team member already has knowledge and skills, there is an opportunity to continue that skill growth and rapidly contribute and demonstrate positive impact and outcomes to your leader.

For example, suppose you are overqualified for a job that requires you to perform repetitive tasks. In that case, you may have the opportunity to take on additional responsibilities or work on more challenging projects. This can help you develop new skills and broaden your professional experience.

Employers are always looking for candidates who can bring value to their organisation, and being overqualified can give you an edge over other candidates. Your experience and skills may be what they are looking for, even if the job description doesn’t specify that. It can also be an opportunity to shift industries and provide the stepping stone for the next significant role.

There are many valid reasons why a person may decide that they want a role that is less complex, risky and challenging. Sometimes, people deliberately seek positions below their skill level for better work-life balance. Taking on a less demanding job can give you more time to focus on your personal life while still allowing you to maintain a career and earn a living.

Employers – take an adaptive approach

Success when hiring a highly qualified employee requires an adaptive approach. When reviewing a candidate’s application who appears overqualified, consider and discover the following:

Success when hiring a highly qualified employee requires an adaptive approach. When reviewing a candidate’s application who appears overqualified, consider and discover the following:

ӹ The reason why they want the role. Is it that they want to slow down or take on less responsibility? Are they looking to shift industries?

ӹ Potential opportunities to expand the scope of the role to utilise their skills and talents better. Are there options to shift the role so they can add more value? How could the role be redesigned to make the best use of their capabilities?

ӹ Your mindset and any unstated fears which could be blocking your desire to hire them. Are there fears and concerns underlying your thought processes? Are you holding on to assumptions and bias that is impacting your interest?

The hiring manager plays a significant role in how the overqualified employee adapts and thrives in the new position or whether they become disengaged and disappointed. Be open and transparent from the outset and committed to finding ways to make the most of their talent.

Candidates – How to position yourself

For candidates, you want to position yourself effectively and allay any stated or unstated concerns the hiring manager may have.

Firstly, be explicit on why you want the role. You want to show you are genuinely interested in the position and the organisation and emphasise the value you can bring. Highlight your skills, experience, and why this role aligns with your current purpose and career aspirations.

Be prepared to address any concerns that the employer may have directly and ready to explain how you would approach the role, stay motivated and add value.

If you want more, this article from HBR is helpful.

Michelle Gibbings is a workplace expert and the award-winning author of three books. Her latest book is ‘Bad Boss: What to do if you work for one, manage one or are one’. www.michellegibbings.com.

Michelle Gibbings

HOW TO SWITCH AT THE END OF THE DAY OFF

BY DARREN FLEMING

Source: Vector image is from freepik.com by @dooder

Understand the Energetic Sensations That Keep You From Switching Off from Work

You love your family, but for some reason you are always called away from them and back into work. It seems as though there is always something that needs to be done. It’s only small and will be quick but needs to be addressed now. And then it takes up the whole evening. Not switching off is a big problem for business owners.

There are two main ways that we don’t switch off at the end of the day. The first is when we mentally take work home with us. We do this when we don’t stop thinking of work when we get home. When we’re at home but mentally at work we tend to relate to those around us as we would with people in the workplace. If you’ve ever had your significant other say, Don’t speak to me like I’m one of your employees then you know what I mean.

The second way we don’t turn off at the end of the day is when we switch back on. Come knock-off time you might be able to leave work at work and focus on your family, but when dishes are done and the kids have gone to bed, you start thinking about work again. You just quickly check your emails to see if anything important has come in and that is the end of you.

Physically you might be sitting on the couch, but mentally you’re at work. Or worse, you’ve got the laptop out and are deep in emails while your partner watches TV on their own. Good thing it’s a show you don’t like.

The Sensations of Work

If you take a very close look at what is happening when you can’t switch off, you will see that there is an energetic sensation in your body. It is either drawing you to keep thinking about work when you get home, or it is drawing you back when you’re focused elsewhere. Or if you’re in an environment that you don’t particularly like, there might be a sensation driving you back to work so you can avoid the place you don’t like. If you want to be able to switch off at night it’s these sensations - and not the thoughts about work - that need to be deactivated. Deactivating them is simply a matter of paying attention to them.

Feel Your Thoughts

In my book Mindset Mastery, I unpack how every thought we have generates a sensation in our body to which the body can choose how it reacts. It is easy to spot the big sensations - love, fear, anger, pride and more. But they are there for every other thought as well. We may not have conscious awareness of them, but our body will.

When the body experiences any type of sensations, it reacts to them in one of three ways. The first two ways of reacting are about increasing or avoiding exposure to the sensation. If the body likes the sensation it will react in a way to experience more of them. If it doesn’t like them, it will react to experience less of them.

The way the body reacts is to first send a signal to the brain advising how it would like to react. The brain then generates a thought about the best way to achieve that goal. This could include generating more thoughts or directing the body to take some kind of action. This is unpacked in great detail in the 2014 book Letting Go by Dr David Hawkins.

This cycle is why we find it hard to stop thinking about workor anything else. It’s a feedback loop driven by sensations. If you want to switch off from work when you get home the only way to achieve this is by deactivating the sensations in your body. You do this by experiencing them without reacting.

The Third Way - Experience the Sensations

Deactivating the sensations is a matter of experiencing the sensations in your body without reacting. You don’t have to do anything other than pay attention. When you feel the urge to check emails, become aware of what you are experiencing in your body and give your full attention to it. When you observe the sensations, don’t label them (I want to check my emails) or get caught in a story about them (I’m waiting on something important). Just observe the sensation. When you do the sensation will dissipate. Once it dissipates, it won’t trigger any new thoughts. This will prevent any new thoughts from triggering sensations that could drag you back to work. It won’t take long - perhaps a minute. If you can’t stop thinking about an event from the day, identify what sensations the thoughts are triggering in your body and just observe them.

Paying attention to the energetic sensations in your body without reacting to them is the only way to stop the cycle of generating thoughts about work. When you can stop the cycle, you will be able to switch off. The process takes practice, but every time you do this it weakens the sensations and reduces the thoughts.

DARREN FLEMING

Darren Fleming is an expert on mastering your mindset. He is a speaker, trainer and mentor to senior leaders wanting to master their mindset. His latest book Mindset Mastery - Do Less. Achieve More is out now. Get a sample chapter here

"A nation is great not by its size alone. It is the will, the cohesion, the stamina, the discipline of its people and the quality of their leaders which ensure it an honourable place in history.”

Mr Lee Kuan Yew 1963

The writing is refreshing, authentic and straightforward. It’s not a generalist read. In this book, Mr Lee told the story of Singapore’s transformation “for a younger generation of Singaporeans who took stability, growth, and prosperity for granted”. Through this book, he intended to remind them just “how difficult it was for a small country, which he regularly described as a place ‘with no natural resources’ to survive in the midst of larger, newly independent nations all pursuing nationalistic policies”. Referring to Singapore’s predicament, the late Dr Henry Kissinger, former United States Secretary of State and a lifelong friend of Mr Lee, wrote in the foreword that Singapore is “by far the smallest country in Southeast Asia and one that seemed destined to become a client state of more powerful neighbours if indeed it could preserve its independence at all”. That Singapore preserved its independence and achieved what it has despite all the odds speak volumes about Mr Lee’s leadership and efforts.

Exploring deep into his own meticulous notes, as well as previously unpublished government papers and official records, Mr Lee detailed the extraordinary efforts it took for the emerging island city-state to survive at that time, explaining how his government “finished off” the communist threat to the fledgling city-state’s security. He continued to explain how his government-built infrastructure in lands that consisted primarily of swamps, created an army from a hitherto racially and ideologically divided population, stamped out the last vestiges of colonial-era corruption, provided mass public housing and established a national airline and airport. Besides these, Mr Lee also has a hand in practically every aspect of governance, from urging college graduates to have more children to banning chewing gum, punishing people who did not flush toilets, choosing shrubs for the greening of the country, and, in the earlier years, forcibly giving haircuts to young men with long hair to make them look more disciplined.

He described his approach to politics and public policy as one that was aimed “to be correct, not politically correct” Mr Lee established himself as a force impossible to ignore in Asian and international politics. What sets Mr. Lee apart from other world leaders who have reshaped nations was that he helped transformed his beloved city-state from “third world to first” in his lifetime. Mr Lee Kwan Yew died in 2015 at the age of 91, but his ideas lived on in Singapore which is now a prosperous city-state with an intensely pragmatic people.

From Third World to First - The Singapore Story: 1965-2000 is a fitting legacy of a man, a leader who was in many ways loved and dreaded in equal measure. Personally, I find this book is a ‘must read’.

DIANA MARIE

Diana Marie is a team member at the Leadership Institute of Sarawak Civil Service attached with Corporate Affairs who found love in reading and writing whilst discovering inspiration in Leadership that Makes a Difference.