time out My kid doesn’t have to like what I like… Except when she does
LEA HANSON
M
y kid is 5 now so I fully grasp the idea that she is an individual person who has her own interests, passions, and natural abilities. Her artwork is amazing, thinks camping is the best, and would swim until she drowned if allowed. Luckily for me, these are also some of my favorite things to do and if you have kids, you know how much better hanging out with them is when you have common interests. We’ve all had dreams of being parents who do amazing activities with our kids. We hold our infants in our arms and envision a future just a couple of years down the road: us with our precious, perfect mini-me sidekicks doing our favorite hobbies with equitable and unwavering enthusiasm. Until that doesn’t happen. Until you’re the mountain biker with a 6-year-old who cannot and will not ride a bike. Until you’re the musician whose kid can’t sing. Until you’re the team sports fanatic whose kid only wants to read and write. This dissonance can be really tough. It can be hard to not feel disappointed sometimes. But, it is remarkable when you start to see your young person as an individual, amazing person with interests, dreams, and passions all her own; learning about things she loves and even teaching you along the way. With that said, we’ve all got our non-negotiables, right? Here’s the deal: I am not going to force my child to do many things. She can choose her hobbies and athletic interests and I will not force her to like what I like… except when I will. There are a few things I will make her try and will make her learn at some basic level. Piano lessons will likely be one of them. Downhill skiing is another. Although this is my 42
| RMPARENT
daughter’s third season skiing, she is only just beginning to show signs of not hating it. She doesn’t want to go, she doesn’t try to learn, and she has a mostly negative attitude while we’re there. But we’re persisting. And I know (hope) my will is stronger. She doesn’t have to love it and it doesn’t have to be her favorite thing. But, we live in Colorado and we ski and all our friends (and all HER friends) ski so she needs to know how to do it. Earlier on, we adults will have more fun because if she is able to ski then we can go skiing more often. Later in her life she will have more fun because she will never be left out of ski weekends simply because she isn’t a skier. That might not matter in other places (it didn’t come up for me growing up in Minnesota), but it matters in Colorado and in the company we keep.
I feel like every family has this one thing. For one family it might be a sport that everyone plays. For another family it might be the child learning a second language so he can communicate with family members in what is their first language. And for the family with one (or no) car, it might be learning to ride a bike earlier than most of their peers. It’s nothing short of amazing to watch your kid turn into their own person with thoughts, opinions, and interests. They ever so slowly grow away from being extensions of us. It sometimes makes me feel a little sad and sometimes makes me feel proud and in awe of this small, wonderful person. And, while I’m feeling all these feels, “Get your freaking jacket zipped because you are going to ski lessons today whether you like it or not!”