Mind of Zayn by Leeannedee

Z MIND OF

ZAYN

Table of Contents

MIND OF ZAYN 2

Zayn Opens Up About Being Muslim

Symbolism of Muslim Identity

Zayn Malik’s Next Direction

On My Way: Complex Interview

Billboard: I’m Not Censoring Myself Anymore

Why I Went Public With My Anxiety

High Snobiety: Fame, Fashion, & “Faking It”

Mind of Mine Song List

ZaYn OPENS UP ABOUT BEING MUSLIM Brittney McNamara

ayn Malik may be a beloved pop star and one half of the infamous ZiGi, but his notoriety hasn’t protected him from seeming Islamophobia. In an interview with the London Evening Standard, Zayn opened up about being Muslim and the experiences he’s had as a result of his faith. Zayn told the Evening Standard that on his early trips to America, he was constantly stopped by airport security, and even held in the airport upon landing. “The first time I came to America, I had three security checks before I got on the plane; first they said that I’d been randomly selected, and then they said it was something to do with my name, it was flagging something on their system…” he said.

”

I take a great sense of pride — and responsibility — in knowing that I am the first of my kind, from my background

“

“Then when I landed, it was like a movie. They kept me there for three hours, questioning me about all kinds of crazy stuff. I was 17, my first time in America, jet-lagged off the plane, confused. The same thing happened the next time too.”

Malik said that in the early days of touring with One Direction, he was profiled at airports. When he landed in the States, things didn’t get any better, he said. But, as someone the Evening Standard identifies as “the most high-profile British Muslim in the entertainment industry,” Zayn said he’s proud of his faith. “I take a great sense of pride — and responsibility — in knowing that I am the first of my kind, from my background,” he said. “I’m not currently practising but I was raised in the Islamic faith, so it will always be with me, and I identify a lot with the culture. But I’m just me. I don’t want to be defined by my religion or my cultural background.” Zayn makes an important point here. While is was raised as a Muslim and is proud of his background, his religion does not define him just like it should not define anyone else. Still, Zayn said he wasn’t angry about the extra screenings. “I don’t think there’s any benefit to getting angry — it’s something that comes with the climate. I understand why they’ve got to do it,” he said. In the interview, Zayn also addresses

his anxiety, which he’s been open about before. Instead of it something you can be cured of, he points out that your mental health is something you cope with and care for. “It’s not a thing that you just get rid of overnight but it’s getting to a much more manageable place,” he said. Zayn’s girlfriend Gigi Hadid, who is halfPalestinian, has also spoken out against Islamophobia by protesting Trump’s travel ban with a sign reading “we are all humans.” Her sister Bella told Porter magazine that this issue hit “very close to home” because their father came to the U.S. as a refugee. “I am proud to be a Muslim,” she said. Malik isn’t the first high-profile Muslim star to speak out about being profiled by authorities. “Rogue One” star Riz Ahmed penned an essay last year for The Guardian on his experience being “typecast as a terrorist” on- and offscreen.

“...I’m just me. I don’t want to be defined by my religion or my cultural background.”

“Although my U.S. airport experience is smoother [after stardom], I still get stopped before boarding a plane at Heathrow every time I fly to the U.S. But now I find it hilarious rather than bruising,” Ahmed wrote.

9 9 8

Zayn Malik Isn’t The Symbol Of Muslim Identity People Want Him To Be On his solo debut, the former One Direction singer isn’t thinking about his cultural and religious identity as much as we are. RAWIYA KAMEIR

A few nights after Zayn Malik’s first solo album Mind of Mine was released, I listened to it while reading about jihad. Tunisia, the once-secular North African country where I lived for a year in high school and where my parents lived for seven, is allegedly producing the world’s highest rate of jihadis. These men and women are fighting in the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria in service of a fictitiously vicious God, The New Yorker just reported in a lengthy feature. A couple of days earlier, in the Pakistani city of Lahore, the bodies of at least 72 people, many of them children, were ripped open and apart by a bombing

dents primarily of Southern Asia, North Africa, and the Middle East, are most likely to be the victims of terrorism— groups like ISIS and Al-Qaeda are fringe maniacs turned wicked by desperation. For the considerably smaller population of Muslims living in the so-called west, the outspreading of religious violence has taken faith, an ostensibly private act, and wrenched it into the public sphere. Every time a murderer screams Allahu Akbar before detonating an explosive, it gets a little bit harder to ride the subway in a hijab or even simply brown skin.

said to be perpetrated by a Taliban offshoot targeting Christians. Many of the dead were Muslim.

Many people aren’t concerned with the details of Muslims’ beliefs—they just want to be put at ease by an extra-wide smile if you’re speaking Arabic into a cell phone or if you introduce yourself with too many unfamiliar syllables.

For a majority of the nearly 2 billion Muslims in the world—who, as resi-

...his visibility alone is thought to cleave stereotype-steeped narratives about Muslims...

The increasing complexity of being

Even on the album’s strongest and

Muslim in public is why discussions

most personal songs, like the falsetto-

about Zayn—once they move past thirst

driven confessional “Drunk” and the

for his perfect bone structure, the forest

post-breakup reflection “Rear View,” the

of jet-black lashes that rim his eyes—

prevailing sense is of a palpable ab-

often land on his religion. The son of

sence: you don’t know Zayn any better

a Pakistani immigrant, he is frequently

after having him in your ear for an hour.

described as the world’s most famous

(Perhaps the one thing that gives any

Muslim. The fact of his visibility alone is

inkling at all about his personality was

thought to cleave stereotype-steeped

the decision to stylize track titles using

narratives about Muslims, devout or

an odd, post-Myspace combination of

not, in today’s world. Mind of Mine is

lower and upper cases.)

Zayn’s post-One Direction debut and he’s described it as his first authentic

It turns out that Mind of Mine’s single

creative offering. So I listened in search

risk is its greatest success. “Intermis-

of any indication that Zayn might be

sion: Flower,” an acoustic interlude

thinking about his religious and cultural

sung entirely in Urdu, floats in halfway

identity as much as the rest of us are. It

through the album as the lone re-

appears that he isn’t.

minder of Zayn’s Pakistani heritage. In many imaginings, he is thought of as

Zayn reveals little about his relation-

the first western pop star to perform

ship with Islam; the dearth of evidence

wudhu, to commune with God with

frequently leads to overwrought inter-

his forehead resting on a prayer mat.

pretations of the simplest of his words

In reality, we don’t know how often he

and actions. His reticence in that scope

prays, or whether he does at all; it’s al-

matches how little he reveals about

most irrelevant. In essays, across social

himself across the deluxe version’s 18

media, and in conversation with friends,

songs. Mind of Mine, half of which was

Zayn’s celebrity warps his actual social

produced by Frank Ocean collabora-

position. Consider, for instance, that it’s

tor Malay, is proficient but largely safe.

been more than 16 years since Mos

Collectively, it’s a slightly groovier, more

Def began the seminal Black on Both

risqué version of the glossily produced

Sides by saying Bismillah al-Rahman

four albums he released as one-fifth

al-Rahim, a phrase Muslims often re-

of One Direction. Songs like first single

peat before beginning many activities.

“Pillowtalk” showcase his range as a vo-

Hip-hop has been home to decades’

calist, but could easily have been sung

worth of explicitly Islamic material, but,

by any of his contemporaries in both

for reasons so basic they’re essentially

R&B and pop.

self-explanatory, the self-avowed faith

Za Yn

of black Muslims is often dismissed.

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ZAYN MALIK'S NEXT DIRECTION As part of one of the world’s biggest bands, Zayn Malik’s reality was shaped by other people’s fantasies. Now, in his first major interview since quitting, he explains why he left and who he is now. Duncan Cooper

Zayn, 22, just returned to the United Kingdom after three months in Los Angeles, and as he sleeps off jet lag into the late afternoon, I wander around his gated property. In the driveway he’s collected all kinds of things with wheels: two big dirt bikes and a miniature one, a go kart adorned with a Z in the style of the Superman logo, a vintage Mini Cooper, and a few cars that are simply old, which he has spray-painted all over with lime green doodles. Street art, as any fan knows, is one of Zayn’s passions, and he has a room inside where he’s painted over every available surface.

These are the hobbies of a rich young man, but entering Zayn’s backyard stirs up an eerie feeling of boyhood bumping up against something darker. Boxed on his porch is a high-powered Predator CarbonLite crossbow. A rope bridge leads past graffitied plywood reading “Fuck this life” to a garden shed that’s been converted into a pirate-themed pub. Handwritten on the door are the bar’s “hours” (it never closes) and the message “I pissed inside.” The building appears to have been shot up by paintballs. On the far side of the yard is a 25-foot Native American teepee, like something out of

As the band’s only person of color, and the West’s single most prominent Muslim celebrity, Zayn has faced misunderstanding to an unimaginable degree. Neverland. And dead center, at the focal point of all this, standing with its head wrenched back, is a fighting dummy—one of those big, muscly torsos that you can practice punching or, in Zayn’s case, fire into hundreds of times with arrows. It’s been seven months since Zayn quit One Direction, one of the biggest bands in the world and his employer for five formative years. His house is a symbol of everything he achieved during that time—and his unease about those very same achievements. So far, Zayn’s has been a story about how your life gets boxed in by other people’s perceptions of you, and how easily that can spiral out of control. This happens to

everyone, but in a famous boy band, the gulf between who you are and who the rest of the world thinks you are is tenfold.

Zayn has been famous for a quarter

proud, and everybody’s stuck in their

of his short life, but the rest of the

ways. That rubbed off on me a little

time was pretty modest. “This is my

bit and made me a stubborn person,

dream house,” he tells me, once

and made me very aware of who I

the pictures are done. We’re settled

was. If you weren’t aware of that in

Posing on the seat of one of his

into his backyard pub with some

Bradford, you kind of got left behind.”

motorcycles, Zayn shifts his bare

Beck’s, and he’s fired up a spliff.

abs to catch a fading sliver of light.

“The neighborhoods I came from

The name Zayn Malik means

He has stepped into this photoshoot

were not like this.” He was born

“beautiful king” in Arabic. He has a

straight after emerging from

in a working-class neighborhood

Pakistani father named Yaser and an

inside the house and distributing

in Bradford, a city in northern

English mother named Tricia who

handshakes among a 12-person

England, and the influence on his

converted to Islam to marry. “I’ve

crew amassed around him. It

accent is unmistakable: words turn

always tried to learn as much as I

reminds me of a scene from the

sporadically melodic as every U and

can about my husband’s religion and

2013 documentary One Direction:

A is pronounced like an O.

culture,” Tricia told the BBC in 2013. “I

This Is Us, where Zayn is awoken

made sure the children went to the

in the middle of the night because

“The whole vibe of Bradford is

mosque. Zayn has read the Quran

it’s his turn to hop in a booth and

influential,” he says. “It’s not the

three times.” When he was growing

record. His professionalism, by now,

most funded place, in terms of the

up, she worked as a halal chef at a

is instinctive.

government, but there’s a lot of

primary school, cooking meals for

character there. There’s a lot of strong

Muslim children.

family values. Everybody’s very

In the summer of 2010, a 17-year-old

a costly shyness about dancing and

Zayn traveled south to Manchester

failed to qualify for the next round.

to audition for the seventh season

But the judges made an unexpected

of The X Factor. His try-out song

offer: the chance for Zayn and four

was “Let Me Love You,” a 2004 hit

other boys who’d just been cut—

by the R&B singer Mario. “My main

Harry Styles, Liam Payne, Niall Horan,

influences in music came from my

and Louis Tomlinson—to stay on

dad,” Zayn says now. “It was a lot of

together as a group. One Direction,

R&B, a lot of R. Kelly, a lot of Usher,

a name Harry suggested, performed

a lot of Donell Jones, a lot of Prince.

for the first time in an episode filmed

He used to play a lot of rap as well,

at show producer and talent judge

2Pac and Biggie. A lot of bop, a lot

Simon Cowell’s palatial home in

of reggae, Gregory Isaac and weird

Spain, where they covered Natalie

artists like Yellowman.”

Imbruglia’s “Torn”: Illusion never changed/ Into something real/ I’m

While Zayn always imagined

wide awake and I can see/ The

singing on the show, he wouldn’t

perfect sky is torn. Foreshadowing,

have actually tried out if it weren’t

perhaps.

“

It was a lot of R&B, a lot of R. Kelly, a lot of Usher, a lot of Donell Jones, a lot of Prince. He used to play a lot of rap as well, 2Pac and Biggie.

“

for his mom. “People laugh at me because it sounds so childish now,

When the group placed third on the

but genuinely, at the time, I was a

show, Zayn winked into the camera

lazy teen. If I was in control of me

and told the audience, “This isn’t the

A decade after *NSYNC broke up, One

surrounding a leaked 2014 video

going to audition for X Factor, I would

last of One Direction,” and, within

Direction invigorated the boy band

in which Louis and Zayn smoke

have never gone because I would

the month, it was announced they’d

model by injecting every calculated

weed the rare exception that proves

have never got up on the day of the

signed a $3.1 million contract with

thing they did with a dose of genuine-

the rule. But in press appearances

audition at four in the morning. The

Cowell’s label, Syco. One Direction

seeming anarchy. Arena rock, it turns

and performances, they seemed

reason I woke up is because my

released a platinum-selling album

out, is an ideal style for average-to-

uncontrollable, just like you’d expect

mom came in the room and was

every November from 2011 to 2014.

good singers with gravity-defying

from five guys in their late teens

like, ‘You have to go audition for this

They were just the sixth act ever to

hair who are either unwilling or too

and early 20s. They’d crack in-jokes

show.’ I felt like I had to do it because

debut their first four LPs at No. 1 in the

uncoordinated to follow conventional

and jostle one another, perpetually

I owed it to her.”

U.S. and the first non-Americans to do

choreography. It looks more fun,

pumping each other up and egging

so. In between albums, they toured

anyway, to just jump around. The

each other on until, as if by magic, the

He made the cut, but in the show’s

the globe relentlessly, in 2014 pulling

bandmates’ social lives were carefully

occasion of song joined their voices in

televised “bootcamp” he exhibited

in $280 million in ticket sales alone. 1

confined, with the tabloid mania

a single, pristine chord.

He made the cut, but in the show’s

fan—that can also have a positive

told me that Directioners have

televised “bootcamp” he exhibited a

impact. In a convincing essay for

taken to ringing Zayn’s doorbell in

costly shyness about dancing and failed

Racked called “The Absolute Necessity

the middle of the night, hoping he’ll

to qualify for the next round. But the

of One Direction,” Alana Massey calls

think it’s an emergency, rustle out of

judges made an unexpected offer: the

boy bands “a profound social good”

bed, and stumble into conversation.

chance for Zayn and four other boys

because they present a gentleness that

But when I slip up in describing this

who’d just been cut—Harry Styles,

isn’t traditionally encouraged in young

type of behavior as “crazy,” Zayn

Liam Payne, Niall Horan, and Louis

men, or so publicly and unabashedly

corrects me to say his fans are just

Tomlinson—to stay on together as a

demonstrated by them. Though their

“passionate.” Perhaps he’s weary of

group. One Direction, a name Harry

fans don’t all belong to any one age

their real, threatening power over his

suggested, performed for the first time

group or gender, a boy band’s classic

life—he keeps security guards and

in an episode filmed at show producer

structure—the cute one, the funny one,

an attack dog for a pet—or perhaps

and talent judge Simon Cowell’s palatial

the bad boy, and so on—affords fans a

he’s acknowledging their tastes as

home in Spain, where they covered

chance, unlike in actual life, to fantasize

legitimate, a subtle feminist gesture. I’m

Natalie Imbruglia’s “Torn”: Illusion never

without prejudice about which type of

inclined to think it’s the latter, because

changed/ Into something real/ I’m wide

guy they’d like, or why, or how often

loving One Direction is a perfectly

awake and I can see/ The perfect sky is

they might switch allegiances. Massey

rational thing to do. In a world that is by

torn. Foreshadowing, perhaps.

calls this happy alternate reality “the

nobody’s standards ideal, their finely

Kingdom of the Girl,” a place where,

tuned pop songs of unfailing love are a

Boy bands like One Direction are unique

for once, young women are wholly in

welcome relief. It’s only sensible for fans

in music because they intentionally

power, being respected, celebrated,

to recognize what brings them joy and

and directly speak to a young, female

and adored.

grab onto it tight.

audience. This is a lucrative approach— when mom or dad has to chaperone,

Occasionally, spreading all this love

it’s two concert tickets sold for every

can backfire. One of Zayn’s managers

Z Z Z

Some of Zayn’s biggest supporters

been either of those two things, and

are fellow people of South Asian

I think Zayn is similar to me in that

descent, many of whom see him

sense.” In our interview, I read him

as a powerful representative of

her quote.

their culture—or at least someone whose stardom and visibility raises

“I always felt that I got some

important questions. In a 2015 essay

favoritism sometimes in certain

for Noisey, Diyana Noory says that

places because the fans obviously

One Direction caused some people

want to relate to someone that’s

in her community to discuss what it

similar to them,” he says, having

means to be Muslim in a new way.

consumed the spliff and moved on to a cigarette. “I’m just a normal

“Zayn has found himself standing

person as well as following my

in for the world’s questions like a

religion, and doing all the normal

modern prophet,” she writes. “Can

things that everybody else does. I

you drink, smoke, and sport tattoos

love music and I get tattoos and I

while calling yourself a Muslim? Is

make mistakes, and I’ve had to go

music haram [sinful]?”

through relationships and break up relationships. I feel proud that

One of Zayn’s most routinely insight-

people actually look to me and

ful chroniclers is Two Brown Girls,

can see themselves in that.” I ask

a pop culture podcast hosted by

if that attention makes him feel

two writers, Montreal’s Fariha Róisín

pressure to set a good example,

and New York’s Zeba Blay. In one

and Zayn replies, “I don’t feel like I

2015 episode, Róisín says that even

felt pressure ever. I always felt good

Zayn’s small gestures, like his an-

that I was, like, first of my kind in

nual tweet wishing “Eid Mubarak,”

what I was doing. I enjoyed that I

have meant a lot to her as someone

brought the diversity. But I would

trying to balance religious tradition

never be trying to influence anything

and secular interests. “You’re either

or try to stamp myself as a religious

fully committed, and that’s great and

statement or portrayal of anything. I

beautiful, or you’re an atheist and

am me. I’m just doing me.”

“I would never try to stamp myself as a religious statement or portrayal of anything.”

don’t give a shit,” she said. “I’ve never

Some people have expressed hope

nothing to fans. Some shippers

that leaving One Direction would

take things a step further, however,

embolden Zayn to talk more about

compiling meticulous research—

political issues, like Islamophobia

footage of a clutched elbow in an

in the West, but he doesn’t seem

interview, GIFs of lingering glances

driven to. Maybe that’s because

at a show—in an attempt to prove

over the past five years he’s been

that their fiction is based in real-

accused, both seriously and satiri-

ity. They become amateur sleuths,

cally, of causing 9/11, joining ISIS,

mining subtext deep in the singers’

and recruiting fans to wage jihad,

private lives in order to secure their

or because people threatened to

place as insiders, and prove they’re

kill him after he tweeted #FreePal-

the band’s #1 fan.

estine. I ask him if harassment is a deterrent to speaking out. “It’s not

The more intrusive fan theories

even the harassment,” he says.

are premised on the idea that One Direction’s management is callously

One of the stranger things put-

covering up relationships—so I ask

“I just don’t want to be influential in that sense.” Still, after hearing Zayn talk about how normal he is, I can’t help but wonder how “normal” a Muslim person would have to be in order to appease all the world’s bigots...”

ting pressure on Zayn and the

Zayn, who has new management

current members of One Direc-

now and can presumably speak

tion involves “shipping”—short for

more freely, whether any of the

“relationshipping”—a short fiction

stories are true. Basically, he says,

genre that imagines celebrities in

knowing that everything you do

relationships with each other. In the

will be parsed for subtext is a ter-

case of the band, that often means

rible mindfuck. “There’s no secret

matching the bandmates up with

relationships going on with any of

one another. Just as stereotypical

the band members,” he explains. “It’s

the fans are. They’re so passion-

reality and fantasy, you can’t

boy band personas encourage fans

not funny, and it still continues to be

ate, and once they get their head

really go back. A diehard believer

to fantasize, shipping affords its

quite hard for them. They won’t nat-

around an idea, that’s the way it is

of One Direction’s forbidden

pseudonymous authors the chance

urally go put their arm around each

regardless of anything. If it wasn’t

romances, for instance, could

to explore their own sexuality in

other because they’re conscious of

for that passionate, like, almost

easily invent explanations for

a safe environment. It’s the rare

this thing that’s going on, which is

obsession, then we wouldn’t have

Zayn’s denial: Oh, he must

unorchestrated, participatory by-

not even true. They won’t do that

the success that we had.” Once

have signed a nondisclosure

product of One Direction that costs

natural behavior. But it’s just the way

you erase the line between

agreement, or, the bosses must

have some real dirt on him. This is

someone else’s course, whether

how One Direction can become,

it’s regarding passionate fans or

for fans and casual onlookers alike,

the way he expresses his heritage.

not just a band but an unsolvable

But nowhere did that bother

puzzle. Even benign subjects like

him so much as with the actual

how Zayn became known as “the

music, the reason for all of this.

mysterious one” raise endless

Yet again, the rules weren’t up to

questions. Did he appear mysterious

him. “There was never any room

because management forced him to

for me to experiment creatively

play that role—and if they did, was

in the band,” he says. “If I would

Zayn seen as mysterious because

sing a hook or a verse slightly

of the color of his skin? Or was he

R&B, or slightly myself, it would

naturally withholding because he

always be recorded 50 times until

felt creatively exiled within the

there was a straight version that

group? Or was it simply because

was pop, generic as fuck, so they

on a few unlucky press days he

could use that version. Whenever

just didn’t feel like talking? Zayn

I would suggest something, it

says there were plenty of times

was like it didn’t fit us. There was

where an interviewer, having only

just a general conception that the

asked questions of his bandmates,

management already had of what

would turn to him and suggest,

they want for the band, and I just

“Zayn you’ve been awfully quiet.”

wasn’t convinced with what we

“I’m actually quite easy, a happy-

were selling. I wasn’t 100 percent

go-lucky sort of guy,” he says, “but

behind the music. It wasn’t me.

there was a lot of situations that

It was music that was already

were almost created to make me be

given to us, and we were told this

portrayed as the mysterious or quiet

is what is going to sell to these

one. I guess that’s just something

people. As much as we were the

that people buy into, and it helps

biggest, most famous boy band

them sell things. It’s a product that’s

in the world, it felt weird. We were

already designed, and it sells.”

told to be happy about something

“If I would sing a hook or a verse slightly R&B, or slightly myself, it would always be recorded 50 times until there was a straight version that was pop, generic as fuck.”

that we weren’t happy about.” Zayn has always had to navigate on

“I woke up on that morning...and was like, ‘I need to go home. I just need to be me now, because I’ve had enough.’” And so he quit. It happened in March 2015, but the exact timeline of his decision is hard to explain— Zayn says there was no one incident that led to his departure. “I guess I just wanted to go home from the beginning,” he says. “I was always thinking it. I just didn’t know when I was going to do it. Then by the time I decided to go, it just felt right on that day. I woke up on that morning, if I’m being completely honest with you, and was like, ‘I need to go home. I just need to be me now, because I’ve had enough.’ I was with my little cousin at the time—we were sat in the hotel room—and I was just, ‘Should I go home?’ And he was like, ‘If you want to go home, let’s go home.’ So we left.”

Days later, on March 18th, Zayn played what would be his final One Direction show. A shaky video filmed from the crowd appears to show him briefly in tears. The following morning, after a Philippines immigration office demanded the payment of a “drugs bond” stemming from the leaked weed video, a One Direction spokesman announced that Zayn was taking a break from tour due to stress. Within a week, an official statement of his resignation was posted on the band’s Facebook page, with Zayn citing a desire “to be a normal 22-year-old who is able to relax and have some private time out of the spotlight.” In August, five months after he left the band, news broke that Zayn and Perrie had called off their engagement. In a widely circulated story, The Sun claimed he dumped her via text message. Zayn takes the opportunity of our interview to deny this. “If you could word it exactly this way, I’d be very appreciative,” he says. “I have more respect for Perrie than to end anything over text message. I love her a lot, and I always will, and I would never end our relationship over four years like that.

She knows that, I know that, and the public should know that as well. I don’t want to explain why or what I did, I just want the public to know I didn’t do that.” These days, Zayn seems to be enjoying single life. A recent Instagram he posted of himself, shirtless and hugging an unnamed woman, set off a mad dash to find her identity. When I suggest he’s intentionally baiting people, his eyes light up with mischievous glee. The young man who left home at 17 is now, for the first time in his life, directing his own narrative and taking little chances to dirty it up. He’s smoking more and sleeping in. What he’ll make of his new circumstances is still an open question, and it won’t have a simple answer. In late July, a week before Zayn’s breakup with Perrie became public, he signed as a solo artist to RCA, home to Chris Brown and America’s most beloved ex-boy bander, Justin Timberlake. Like Syco, the label is a subsidiary of Sony, and Simon Cowell reportedly helped broker the smooth transition—a fitting goodbye that presumably paid both men handsomely.

ON MY WAY interview by Joe La Puma

A YEAR AGO, ZAYN MALIK LEFT THE BIGGEST BOY BAND ON THE PLANET TO LAUNCH A SOLO CAREER. FREE FROM THE CREATIVE CONSTRAINTS OF ONE DIRECTION, HE’S READY TO MAKE HIS MARK ALONE. This feature appears in the Apr/May 2016 issue of Complex It’s half past five on a balmy February afternoon in Beverly Hills, the time of day when the light streaks in horizontal, mingling with the smog into a dull, carroty glow that makes normal folks look beautiful, and beautiful folks look ethereal. Zayn Malik, 23 years old, slices through the glow and into his dressing room, the door of which is manned by a middle-aged bodyguard named Max. He’s finishing up a photo shoot at billionaire businessman James Goldstein’s mansion, a 4,500 square-foot architectural masterpiece built by John Lautner that’s made up of glass walls and poured concrete, and sits atop the Benedict Canyon enjoying the best views the city of Los Angeles has to offer. Millions of young people around the world define their lives around this man, so I’ll do it, too: We’re currently living in the Zayn A.D. era—after One Direction. Last March, Zayn announced his retirement from the group, making some off-handed statements to the press about refocusing on his private life. It was a move that launched a thousand hashtags and memes, instantly breaking the hearts of countless “Directioners,” but, for Zayn, it was necessary. Feeling creatively stifled, with indifference no longer an effective coping mechanism, he cut the cord and returned home, spending a few weeks with his mom and plotting his next move.

A solo one.

Now it’s a year later. His first single, “Pillow Talk,” debuted at No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 in February (topping the charts in 68 countries), knocking Justin Bieber from the top spot. This month sees the release of his first solo album, Mind of Mine, a body of work created, for the first time, on his terms, with none of the restrictions that come with being one-fifth of a boy band. We leave the mansion, and drive to his house in Bel Air. He’s bopping his head to the stereo, playing me candy-coated pop cuts off his new record, including an Usher-esque tune called “Drunk.” We park, and as we stroll into his house I almost trip over his heavyset orange rescue cat, named Garfield. We sit in his makeshift studio, flanked by bookshelves stacked with souvenirs from a life in the spotlight, including an early Iron Man issue marked “To Zayn, from Stan Lee,” and the hip-hop history book The Big Payback. Over the course of an hour, Zayn opens up about authenticity, handling the spotlight, and stepping out from behind One Direction’s shadow.

There was a lot of mystery around your new songs. How does it feel to have “Pillow Talk” finally released? The whole process behind the album was short, but it felt like forever. I wrote all kinds of personal stuff. When I thought about the way that it sounded to me, it sounded great, and I listened to it over and over again. Then I went to a transitional phase where I realized, “Shit. Everybody else is going to listen to this as well.” So I had to think about it from that perspective. There was a lot of built-up anxiety to create this thing. You don’t really know what’s going to happen. So when that song went out, and I saw the reaction from the fans, that took a little weight off me for a bit. Obviously, there’s still a lot of pressure. I don’t want to be a one-hit wonder, so I’ve got a lot of work to do.

When did you feel confident? There had to be a time when you thought to yourself, “This shit is good.” I don’t think I’m ever going to think like that. It’s just not in my character. I might be quietly confident within myself, but I could never be sure that everybody is going to enjoy it. Everybody is going to say something negative at some point. You’ve got to prepare yourself for that, I guess.

When it comes to pop music, authenticity is key. How much did you struggle with your own authenticity when you were part of One Direction? That was something that was always underlying, and ended up as the main factor of me leaving in the end. It was about denying the authenticity of who I was, and what I enjoyed about music, and why I got into it. That was always there. It was one of the things that wasn’t going to go away, so I had to go away. That must have been frustrating. Leaving the band, I imagine you thinking, “Hey, I’m rich and famous and this is my job. It could be much worse. But this isn’t who I am.” Exactly. No one can ever say I was ungrateful, even though it sort of comes across that way when I mention that I was frustrated with the band. That’s not the case at all. That was just an experience that had to be dealt with at the time. With the music that I’m doing now, I get to express myself, and that creative tension is gone.

There’s a moment in the “You and I” video where you and the rest of One Direction are all wearing the same sweater, with your faces morphing into one another. That underscores the lack of an individual identity. Well, that video had a very specific message behind it. We were trying to show that, regardless of the fact that we’re a group, we all have our own story to tell. In a sense, I understood what that was, and I can see how people can look at that and go, “They’re all five the same guy. They’re all wearing the same clothes. They’re all doing the same shit.” But that’s not what we were trying to show. There were certain restrictions in terms of the way that we could come outside of that young teen boy look.

What type of restrictions? Mainly my beard, honestly. I wasn’t allowed to keep it. Eventually, when I got older, I rebelled against it, and decided to keep it anyway. That was just because I looked older than the rest of them. That’s one of the things that is now quite cool. I get to keep my beard. I also wanted to dye my hair when I was in the band, but I wasn’t allowed to.

In One Direction, you were cast as the mysterious one, the one in the shadows. How do you feel now, being alone onstage? In terms of me being described as the mysterious one, that was put on me as a stigma because I didn’t get the chance to speak as much. The other boys’ personalities were much more forward. They would answer the questions. I would let that happen because, like I said, I didn’t have any creative input there. I didn’t feel like I was going to say anything about it anyway. Now I get to talk about what I’m passionate about—it’s nice to have the chance to speak.

What about when you were younger, before One Direction. Did you always feel like you didn’t fit in? When I was younger it was something that I always felt. There are people who fit into certain stereotypes; I never fit into them. I remember once, when I was younger, in drama class, an assignment where everybody had to do an impersonation of somebody else in the class. Everyone did an impersonation, but nobody could do an impersonation of me.

Why do you think that is? I don’t know. I always thought it was quite strange. I didn’t understand it at the time. It makes sense to me now, because I wasn’t ever that particular in anything. I was always doing different things, a bit of a floater. Now that I’m older, I embrace it. That’s who I am.

“I don’t want to be a one-hit wonder, so I’ve got a lot of work to do.” Do you think you make better art when you’re happy with your love life or when you’re not? That’s an interesting question. I feel like you get creative with things when you can be honest. Whether that’s positive or negative, it can work both ways. If you’re in a really good place, you can write a really good, upbeat song. When you’re in a shit place you can write a downbeat fucking ballad! [Laughs.] That’s just the way it is. But I feel like you can draw good creative things from both.

Did it make you feel bad back then?

What’s the breakdown of the album, in terms of love songs and pain or heartbreak songs?

A little bit, yeah. As a kid, you naturally want to fit in. But later on, you learn that you don’t always need to fit in. You can just be yourself.

There’s a good ratio of both. There’s a lot of falling in love and a lot of falling out of love. It’s probably 60/40, falling out of love.

A lot of the songs on the album seem to be about women. How influenced is your music by women?

You’ve been tight-lipped about your relationship with Gigi Hadid. You’re a huge pop star and the person you’re with is also very much in the spotlight. Are you getting used to it?

Massively. Not just women, but life in general. I feel like women are a big part of life, so I’ve got to include them in my songs! [Laughs.]

Nah. I try to keep the two very separate. I try to, as much as I can. But there’s only so much you can do.

Do you want people to have sex to your album? Well, if that’s something that they would choose to do, then yeah.

Do you think people will? Who knows? It’s a very sexual album. I’m sure it could fit into that scenario.

You’ve said in the past that you don’t want to be influential about faith or religion. Asking a 23-year-old to do that is a very tough task. Do you think as you get older your mind may change about that?

“I don’t want to throw stones

Who knows? There may be a time where I feel like I have something to say about a certain topic and I’m educated enough and armed with the exact information I need before I make a statement that doesn’t offend anybody. Then I will do that. But in today’s day and age, it’s very hard to make any sort of statement that doesn’t offend somebody. I don’t want to throw stones out of a river that’s already raging. You know what I’m saying? It’s doing its thing by itself. I don’t need to put any input in there. I’ll just leave everything to itself.

out of a river

Given the amount of anger in the political discourse in this country, I can understand why you want to stay out of it.

that’s already

Yeah. I see everything. I see the political thing. I see the Trump thing. I see it on the news. They are saying, “Does this mean Zayn Malik has to leave America?” These things are always there. I see what’s going on, but I’ll never be the person that will make some sort of statement. I never want to make anybody biased toward anything. I could have an opinion, but that’s my opinion. That’s the main thing for me. I don’t want to influence anybody’s brain in any sort of way.

raging.”

Are you a competitive person? Quietly. I’m not overtly competitive. I don’t shout it from the rooftops. But yeah, I always want to win.

What album has had the most impact on you? Probably Tupac’s All Eyez on Me. The songs are so real, and from a perspective of a place where somebody is not afraid to be completely 100 percent honest. He’s the first rapper to talk about the fact that his mom was a crack addict. For me, that’s courageous as fuck. He took that risk and spoke about everything in detail openly and without any shame. For me to listen to that album as I grew up, it really helped me to understand that it’s OK to be honest with your art, because people appreciate that.

What are you worst at, when it comes to being a celebrity? [Laughs.] I’m a pretty shit celebrity all around. But when it comes to TV, that’s the worst. I hate the whole setup. When it’s interviews like this, I don’t mind. I’m just talking to a normal person. It’s when you are fully glammed up and you’re sitting with a hundred lights in your face and someone is asking you questions in front of a crowd of people—that’s when it becomes a bit strange for me. I’m not a public speaker. I’m a singer. Those two things are very different in my brain. I’m not an extrovert in everyday life. I’m a performer. When it comes to stage I can sing and do that, but when I’m in normal-day life I’m very reserved. I guess that’s my downfall.

“None of the songs that I wrote in One Direction were personal to me. Whenever we’d get an award it was never something I was emotionally attached to.” It is a lot of chill songs, vibes that you can just relax and do your thing to. In terms of psychedelic music, I’m not really that type of person. I don’t even get shit-faced drunk. I’m not really into that type of music. There are a couple of club songs that you can dance to a bit that have a sexy vibe, but there’s none of that hard dance stuff. I smoke sometimes when I’m writing. Sometimes it helps with the creative process, depending on the strain of weed.

How much do you smoke? I’d like to ask you about your tattoos. Do you have any that are especially important to you, that nobody knows about? I do. I’ve got a couple of Arabic writing tattoos and nobody knows what they mean.

I smoked quite a bit in school. I used to write raps and I found it was quite helpful in that department, coming up with words and different concepts. It helped me think outside the box.

Do you think you’ll feel differently the night you drop your solo album as opposed to when you dropped an album with One Direction?

And you keep them private? Yeah. Just for myself. That’s why I wrote them in Arabic. Obviously some people can read Arabic, but the tattoos are in places that people won’t necessarily see.

There’s a song called “Drunk” on the album that is pretty straightforward. Are there similar songs about drugs or psychedelia on the record?

I know already it’s going to be massively different. I felt different when the single dropped. There’s so many extra emotions tied into it because it’s a personal song. None of the songs that I wrote in One Direction were personal to me. Whenever we’d get an award or this or that, it was never something that I was emotionally attached to. Whereas with this, I am. I know what’s going to happen. I’m going to be crazy ecstatic when that album drops. I’m going to be buzzing and I’m going to go out. I’ll probably party with my friends and enjoy it.

I enjoy writing music. If it doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t work out, I would just live a simple life.

What’s your plan for after the new album drops? I want to go to school. I’d love to get a degree in English, or literature.

And you think you’ll do it in L.A.? I think so. Who knows? I think I’ll just do a home thing. I’ll get my courses from one of the universities around here and just do home study. It’s always something I’ve wanted to do. I’ve always wanted to get my degree eventually. I want to do that, and hopefully write my next record while I’m doing it.

What is your standard for success? Do you ever think about failure? I think about all aspects of the outcomes of what is going to happen with everything. I don’t know if that’s just something in me, or something that’s natural with everybody. I tend to think about that. It does worry me sometimes, but all I can do is what I’m doing right now. Just go with it and try to hope for the best. I’m enjoying it right now, being creative. I’m enjoying writing music and doing this. And if it doesn’t work out, I would probably just live a simple life.

Z A Y N 45

‘I’m Not Censoring Myself Anymore’ by Chris Martins

In 2015, Zayn Malik abruptly quit One Direction, broke off a fairy-tale pop-star engagement and overdid the hair dye. Now, as he wraps up his long-simmering creative statement, the boy band outlier aims to prove that he has been his own man all along. Zayn Malik is standing in a dimly lit studio, spliff hanging from his lips and whiskey tumbler in hand. “My fans are giving me shit every day,” he says. “Like, ‘Where the fuck is your music? You’ve been at it for months. Give us something.’ ” It’s around 9 p.m. the Monday after Thanksgiving, and the 22-year-old is indeed about to give up something, though not to his adoring public -- they’ll have to wait for a solo album due early this spring on RCA. The four others here at Los Angeles’ Record Plant are part of Malik’s team, and even they seem surprised at how little the slinky, propulsive music he plays has to do with anything recorded by One Direction, the band he abruptly left eight months ago, setting off a convulsion of online lament including accusations of treason and upsetting hashtags like #CuttingForZayn. In fact, the beat of shadowy, au courant R&B track “She” drives so hard that Malik, grooving intensely, sloshes liquor onto his arm. He quickly grabs a tissue and self-consciously dabs his wrist.

If Malik’s goal in leaving One Direction was to escape the kind of superfame attainable only by boy bands with obsessed, social media-armed admirers, he has failed. From the moment he quit -- Wednesday, March 25, 2015 at 6:30 a.m. ET -- the singer pegged as the group’s quiet and mysterious one saw his every move dissected across countless platforms. The most retweeted message of 2015? Bandmate Harry Styles wishing him “love” when Malik announced his exit. The second? Malik calling the first 1D song without him “sick” (in a good way). To devotees of 1D -- which by March had sold 6.5 million albums in the United States (according to Nielsen Music), amassed 224 million YouTube views and, on its 2014 tour, grossed $290 million (according to Billboard Boxscore) -- the only thing more fascinating than the boys are their relationships to one another. (A small library’s worth of soft- and hardcore fan fiction attests to that.) It’s a bond that Malik himself can’t break, although he gently distances himself from

his former colleagues -- and less gently, their music. “I genuinely enjoyed [the band] and did whatever I could to be myself within that, but it’s just not where I sit as a musician,” he says. “The other boys’ taste was generally indie rock. It’s good music, but I don’t f--- with it. That was never cool where I was from.” In 1D, Malik was known as the “Bradford Bad Boy” for his working-class hometown. And indeed, there’s little outwardly posh or precious about him. You can hear the North of England in his speech, where “other boys” becomes “uvah boyce.” His hair juts off of his head at a near-perfect 45 degrees, but since going solo he has shaved it once and changed the color five times (it’s gray today). Tattoos pour from his snug black tee, which, like his tight blue jeans and matte black boots, bears no logos. No amount of ink, hair dye or facial scruff -- today, he’s what you might call inadvertently bearded -- can obscure the glow of his innate gorgeousness. In other words, Malik looks every bit the hipster heartthrob. And

judging from his music, he’s poised to impress the dominant music geeks of the day, who care less about guitar-slingers than artful practitioners of beats and atmosphere, like Drake and The Weeknd. Finely wrought details stand out: the sour synth of “BeFour,” a sweep of strings in “It’s You,” the whip-crack snare of “Wrong.” “It doesn’t feel like choreographed pop,” says RCA chairman/CEO Peter Edge. “It’s widely rumored that Harry is working on a record and that’s probably the other one there’ll be some anticipation for,” he adds (noting that he doesn’t know what Styles, who is on a different label than Malik, might be planning). “When Zayn was in the band, he had all these songs he was writing, and plans to do his own music. It just feels like maybe he’s further along than the others.” Malik’s voice gives each song its center. It’s a pleasantly rough thing, intimate and warm, but capable of striking falsettos. His bandmate Liam Payne “would always give me credit in terms of vocal ability,” says Malik modestly.

“Authenticity is the key to being a successful artist and to being iconic”

“Nobody

Those pipes fit the man, who combines an easy-going sincerity with flashes of ambition. As his manager Sarah Stennett puts it, he’s “incredibly sensitive, but also very alpha.” Private but not shy, Malik is more or less the “normal 22-year-old” he said he wanted to be in his farewell from the band -- frank, easily moved to laughter, occasionally impatient, frequently stoned -- but more of a striver than a dreamer.

bothered me. It was good for my soul to be back in Bradford.”

He has gone to unusual lengths in pursuit of his muse, for one. “We went camping for a week in the Angeles Forest -- set up a generator and a tent so we could track in the woods,” says producer James “Malay” Ho (who has become Malik’s main collaborator, Malay believes, due to his Grammy-winning work on Frank Ocean’s Channel Orange). “It was the complete opposite of what he’d been doing. We had the gas grill, BB guns, bows and arrows. It was a shittin’-in-the-woodstype thing.” Looking ahead to his debut LP -- and the much-fretted-over hiatus that 1D intends to begin in March -- Malik downplays any

rivalry between himself and his old mates. “There are no sides to pick,” he says. “We’re not going head-to-head.” Still, Malik’s not sure he’ll have “four friends for life,” as he wrote when he quit. “The truth of it is,” he says carefully, “you can think one thing about a situation and the total opposite can happen. I had every intention of remaining friends with everybody, but I guess certain phone numbers have changed and I haven’t received calls from a lot of people. I’ve reached out to a few of them and not got a reply. Certain people have pride issues, but it’s stuff you overcome in time.” In November 2014, Malik missed a One Direction concert and interview with NBC’s Today in Florida, officially due to a stomach bug. (Matt Lauer prompted an online backlash by mentioning “rumors of substance abuse” by Malik, which Malik promptly denied.) Four months later, he cried onstage in Hong Kong. The next day he left the tour due to “stress,” and the following week he was gone for good. Meanwhile, his two-year engagement

to Little Mix’s Perrie Edwards also seemed to be splintering. There were photos of Malik holding hands with another woman in Thailand days before the show in China. By August, he had broken that off, too. After all that, Malik knew what he had to do. “I went home,” he says. “I seen my mum, who cooked me some great food. I ate for three weeks because I’d lost so much weight in the band. I seen my sisters and put my dad’s sheepskin on -- I walked around and everyone thought I was him. Nobody bothered me. It was good for my soul to be back in Bradford.” The family rented an apartment in the Victorian row houses of Bradford’s East Bowling district. Malik has said he didn’t fit in at his first two schools because of his mixed heritage. Still, he was precocious: He joined choir at 8 or 9 in order to meet girls and discovered he loved to sing. He also took the lead in school plays -- most famously, thanks to YouTube, Danny Zuko in Tong High’s production of Grease.

[Verse]

MIND OF MINE

Now that I’m on the edge I can’t find my way, it’s inside of my mind of mine Open up and see what’s inside of my, my mind Open up and see what’s inside of my, my mind

N Z aY Why I Went Public With My Anxiety Issues

I just couldn’t go through with it. Mentally, the anxiety had won. Physically, I knew I couldn’t function.

Performing artist and former One Direction member Zayn Malik has canceled past performances due to his struggle with anxiety. Here, he writes about that deeply personal battle. by Zayn Malik // TIME Magazine

One of my team members offered to write a statement saying that I’d been taken ill, but I didn’t want to do that. I was done with putting out statements that masked what was really going on. I wanted to tell the truth. Anxiety is nothing to be ashamed of; it affects millions of people every day. I know I have fans out there who have been through this kind of thing, too, and I wanted to be honest for their sake, if nothing else. When I was in One Direction, my anxiety issues were huge but, within the safety net of the band, they were at least manageable. As a solo performer, I felt much more exposed, and the psychological stress of performing had just gotten to be too much for me to handle—at that moment, at least. Rather than hiding away, sugar-coating it, I knew I had to put it all out there.

“

The thing is, I love performing. I don’t want to do any other job.

“I’m gonna tell them the truth,” I said. “I don’t want to say I’m sick. I want to tell people what’s going on, and I’m not gonna be ashamed of what’s happening.” My team was really supportive of my decision, and they agreed that, at this point, our best option was to be honest. That was refreshing, and it made me feel a bit more confident about putting out the statement. This is what it said: To all those people who have been waiting to see me perform at the Capital Summertime Ball today. I flew into the UK last night to appear in my home country in front of my family, friends and, most importantly, my UK fans. Unfortunately, anxiety, which has haunted me throughout the last

That’s why my anxiety is so upsetting and difficult to explain. 60

few months around live performances has got the better of me... with the magnitude of the event, I have suffered the worst anxiety of my career. I cannot apologize enough, but I want to be honest with everyone who has patiently waited to see me. I promise I will do my best to make this up to everybody I’ve let down today. I know those who suffer from anxiety will understand, and I hope those who don’t can empathize with my situation.

Of course, this opened up an insane amount of speculation. All sorts of stories were flying around afterward. All I’d say is: Always take everything you read online with a pinch of salt.

“ “

I found it really frustrating that, even now that I was being upfront about what the issue was, some people still found reasons to doubt it. But that’s the industry. It’s an aspect of this job that I have to deal with, and I’m trying to accept it. The thing is, I love performing. I love the buzz. I don’t want to do any other job. That’s why my anxiety is so upsetting and difficult to explain. It’s this thing that swells up and blocks out your rational thought processes. Even when you know you want to do something,

It’s It’s aa constant constant battle battle within within yy oo uu rr ss ee ll ff ..

“

know that it will be good for you, that you’ll enjoy it when you’re doing it, the anxiety is telling you a different story. It’s a constant battle within yourself. After I put out that statement I was blown away by just how many people got in contact, and how many people suffer from anxiety. It’s so common, and that’s not surprising, really. Life bombards us with pressure—Twitter, Facebook, Instagram... everywhere online there are unattainable body images that make us feel inadequate; competitive messages that bring us down; there’s pressure from our parents and our peers to excel—pressure everywhere. When that pressure is magnified by living your life in the limelight, it can be pretty tough to handle: There’s a lot of negative chat and hate out there. But what I found in the wake of my cancellation at Wembley wasn’t hate but a massive amount of support from fans—people who understood, kids who were in the exact same situation as I was. Guys on Twitter were telling me how anxiety had affected their lives and saying that they were glad I had spoken up. It felt as though some good had come from the situation. This article is excerpted from the upcoming book, Zayn, available on Nov. 1, from Delacorte Press. Republished with permission.

“

Every lyric I’ve ever Every lyric I’ve ever Every lyric I’ve ever Every lyric I’ve ever written has a story written has a story Every lyric I’ve ever written has a story Every lyric I’ve written has a story behind it. Every lyric I’ve ever behind it. written has a story behind it. behind it. written has a behind it. Every lyric I’ve ever written has a story behindhas it.behind it. written a story behind it. behind it. All the hard work that went into the creation of ‘Pillowtalk’ was worthwhile because, as soon as it was finished,

I intuitively felt I was on the right path. It was a sick cut, nailing the exact sound I wanted to capture in my music. I was also able to sing about a subject that I hadn’t really been able to go near while I was in One Direction: sex.

Zayn Malik Talks Fame, Fashion, & “Faking it”

Nico Amarca

By definition, Zayn Malik contains all the trappings of a celebrity, but the perks of fame and fortune weren’t enough to compensate his desire for creative freedom. Now, over a year since his notorious divorce from One Direction, the singer explains that while he’s enjoying his new independence, the repercussions of stardom are still a struggle.

The unremitting desire to achieve notoriety is a human sentiment that stands the test of time. While some are more adamant in their pursuits and others may be striving for it subconsciously, what remains uniform for everyone is wanting to be recognized and lauded for our achievements. Prom Queen. Employee of the Month. Most Valuable Player. Volunteer of the Year. All of these titles were invented to award someone for excelling at a particular trait or action, whether that’s spending your spare time serving up food at a soup kitchen or being the most fashionable person in your high school. While everyone wants to be personally celebrated for something, it would be ill-advised to hastily suggest that anyone seeks to strive for “celebrity.” On paper, the term strikes nothing but the most lustful layer of the retina – global praise from complete strangers, making a living through a cherished craft and powerful access, both personally and publicly. Trying to negate the allure of this scenario is strenuous, but once the glossy sheen of the wet ink dries, more and more smudges appear the closer you look.

Exchanging personal freedom for such a lifestyle may seem trivial when taken at face value. Not being able to shop for groceries without being accosted or photographed by someone at any given moment, forced interactions with sycophantic enablers looking to leech off your success or being told how to behave and dress under contractual obligation might seem like minor payoffs when your cultural influence, relevance and affluence stand (seemingly) unconquered. But it was the very paucity of these freedoms that lead to the demise of celebrated figures across various periods in pop culture, from Marilyn Monroe and Judy Garland to Kurt Cobain and Britney Spears. The dark side of fame is certainly not a new concept, but it’s one that continues to be revisited and consumed time and again. “I hate the word celebrity,” says Zayn Malik, a guy who knows a thing or two about living life in the public eye. “I think it’s a dangerous road to go down, thinking of yourself as a celebrity, because then you somehow automatically think that label makes you superior to other people. Some people just want to

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hang around you because they know your name, so they think that means they know you, and I can see through that bullshit a mile off.” As one of the most recognizable contemporary pop stars in the business, Zayn’s adroit ability to spot bullshit when he sees it could be his greatest talent – aside from his musical capabilities, of course. The British 23-year-old’s recognition as an individual singer wasn’t always as potent. Before being acknowledged simply as Zayn, he was known as Zayn Malik, a one-fifth singing counterpart of the colossally popular UK boy band, One Direction. For over five years, Malik sang, danced, clothed and even groomed himself in accordance with the group’s brand policies. “We were literally meant to ask permission before we changed our hair or like, grew a beard,” notes Malik. “It was ridiculous.” Yet this chapter in the singer’s life would close on March 25, 2015, when he announced his permanent departure from 1D, marking the dawn of Zayn 2.0 – a move that would promote a distinct evolution in sound, attitude and facial

hair for the artist. “I don’t think you can ever be prepared for something like that,” said Malik. “I knew there would be a big reaction in the press, because there was so much attention on us at that point, but I had no idea how fans would react.” While he may not have known exactly how fans would react, it’s hard to believe that Zayn didn’t have at least an inkling of how monumental the news would be for his followers. With the force of Leviathan, the internet was violently pummeled by a tidal wave of tweets, Facebook updates and Instagram posts from emotionally-vulnerable adolescents, most of them female, exclaiming that the day of reckoning had finally come. The hashtag #AlwaysInOurHeartsZaynMalik hovered as the number one trending topic for a full 24 hours, while a much darker hashtag, #cut4zayn, trumpeted a disturbing trend of girls carving Malik’s name into their forearms with razorblades as a means to eulogize his departure from the beloved pop group.

“It’s a lot of pressure. I never claimed to be a role model, I just make music.”

It was a day that claimed a fragment of countless teenage girls’ souls; an emotional apocalypse defined by gallons of tears, razed hormones and distressed parents. “I try not to take [my actions] into consideration too much because if I did, I’d never do anything,” Malik proclaims. “It’s a lot of pressure. I never claimed to be a role model, I just make music.” It’s astounding to fathom just how grave an impact such a decision could have on literally millions of people in nearly every crevice of the world. You might’ve lost a few friends when you quit the football team to join the drama club, or had a nasty rumor spread about you after you broke up with a girlfriend to start dating her best friend, but in Zayn’s case, a personal choice holds such clout that it can puppeteer the mental stability of legions at the drop of a hat. Throw social media into the mix, and the repercussions are inescapable. “It was great seeing the support I was getting from a lot of people, but there was also a lot of negativity and criticism and people talking shit about situations they knew nothing

about,” said Malik. “Everyone has an opinion on social media, even though they don’t know you, and it gets exhausting. You get misquoted in the press or a bullshit rumor gets printed and it’s frustrating to watch people believe those things and form opinions on you based on what they read. I’ve learnt to ignore it for the most part, but it still pisses me off occasionally.” Though he cited privacy as the principal reason for leaving the band, the singer’s life today couldn’t be positioned closer to the pounding rays of the media limelight. In March 2016, the one-year anniversary of his notorious divorce from One Direction, Malik released his debut album, Mind of Mine, via his new label affiliate RCA. Following the success of the LP’s first single, “PILLOWTALK,” which broke records back in February for having the most global first-day and weekly streams for a debut artist track (and knocking fellow pop deity Justin Bieber from his glorious Billboard reign in the process), Mind of Mine bulldozed its way to number one on both the U.S. and UK charts,

becoming the first solo album from a British male singer to do so. In addition to his musical feats, post1D Zayn would also gain acceptance from the fashion community; from sitting tête-à-tête with the industry’s front row elite at Louis Vuitton and Valentino’s SS16 shows last summer to turning heads in a metallicsleeved Versace suit at this year’s Met Gala, and, most recently, landing a collaboration with Italian shoe designer Giuseppe Zanotti. “I like to express creativity in as many different ways as possible and I’m always exploring new things. Designing shoes was an interesting form of art for me because I was having to create something that has aesthetic value, like music or painting, but is functional at the same time.” Creative projects notwithstanding, the hype fueling Zayn’s popularity can perhaps only be trumped by his widely publicized love life: his girlfriend just so happens to be social media queen and ubiquitous “It Girl” Gigi Hadid, and together they form one of the most mooned-over millennial couples in Hollywood. So much for a guy who wanted a bit of privacy. But while the ex-boy band member has all of the accoutrements of an

A-lister, there’s still something very authentic about him. “It’s cynical to say, but I think to really ‘make it’ in a commercial sense, you have to be a bit of a faker. If you’re not going to be fake, then you need a really thick skin,” says the pop star.

“You have to not give a shit what people think about you. You have to guide your own career and not follow other people’s expectations of what kind of artist they want you to be.” Zayn’s dauntlessness is a clear attribute to his prosperity, but his career in entertainment thus far has served as a training period, forcing him to build up an armor thick enough to dodge the countless adversities thrown his way. It comes with the territory for every pop icon, but Malik’s cases of objectification cut a bit deeper. Born and raised in the working class neighborhood of Bradford, West Yorkshire to a half Irish, half English mother and Pakistani father, Malik’s ethnic background has been put

under fire throughout the entirety of his career. As the (former) only person of color in One Direction and quite possibly the West’s single most prominent Muslim celebrity, Zayn has faced a bevy of abuse in the form of anti-Muslim slurs and even death threats. In June 2012, rightwing American blogger Debbie Schlussel accused him of “boy band jihad” and “pimping Islam,” while earlier this year, rapper Azealia Banks, after accusing the artist of lifting her image in the video for “Like I Would,” took shots at Malik’s race on Twitter, spitting out terms like “sand nigger,” “faggot” and “curry-scented bitch,” and even referred to Malik’s mother as a “dirty refugee.” “Generally, I try not to comment on politics or controversial issues in public because I don’t think that it’s my place,” says Malik. “I struggle with the invasion of privacy that comes with this job. I also think one of the most negative aspects of being in the public eye is that you have no control over people’s perception of you.” But despite the crunches, Malik has never shied away from being proud of his ethnic background,

discernibly demonstrated in one of Mind of Mine’s more distinct ballads, “INTERMISSION: fLoWer,” where Malik incorporates Qawwali vocal techniques with lyrics written in Urdu. Given the record-shattering success of Malik’s career sans 1D, it seems the singer has more than conquered the odds faced against him. So what’s next for Zayn? “I’m in the studio right now,” says the singer. “That’s all I’m saying.” For his sophomore album, it’s been confirmed that Malik will record with Malay, the LA-based beat master responsible for Mind of Mine’s lush electro-R&B production, and whose additional credits include mastering Frank Ocean’s 2012 pièce de résistance, channel ORANGE. But as far as a release date goes, well, that still remains in the shadows. “One of the defining things about this whole experience is that there have been a lot of emotions, sometimes conflicting emotions, that I’m having to figure out,” notes Malik. “I’m curious to see where it all goes from here. The not knowing is what makes it exciting, but daunting, too. And I’m appreciative of the fact that I have this opportunity. I don’t ever let myself take this for granted.”

“I wanted to be in the studio recording lyrics that resonated with me, not just repeating someone else’s lyrics”

ALBUM tracklist

MIND OF MINE MiNd of MiNdd (intro)

BoRdErSz

PILLOWTALK [Explicit]

tRuTh

iT’s YoU

lUcOzAdE

BeFoUr

TiO

sHe

BLUE

dRuNk

BRIGHT

INTERMISSION:floWer

LIKE I WOULD

rEaR vIeW

SHE DON’T LOVE ME

wRoNg

DO SOMETHING GOOD

fOol fOr YoU

GOLDEN

One Direction changed the course of my life. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m a mixed-race, Muslim musician from Bradford. And by a stroke of fate or luck, or whatever name you want to label it, I was blessed to spend five years in a band that had a hundred number-one records, 100 million album sales and gigs playing around 10 million fans.

So now itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s on me to prove myself as an artist in my own right

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