LeftLion Magazine - February 2011 - Issue 39

Issue 39 . Feb - March 2011

N A M L A cC 4 E M .I DON . DANC S T G T N T N O REN STI A S H N B I T E E L O H I C S P .A D T E A T N N S OF R EVE A H M O RA I H M K T A A S B D E H E D E TI N G H T NOT

Share the love this Valentine’s Day with

nottinghamshare!

Sign up to the free car sharing service - anyone can join and once you’ve found your perfect partner it’ll save you time, money and it’s better for the environment.

To sign up visit www.nottinghamshare.com or visit www.thebigwheel.org.uk for more information about sustainable transport.

Cover image by Trish Evans, supported by Nottingham Parkour and Urban Revolution. Part of the pipeline, they came running project. For more information, see page 25

contents

editorial

LeftLion Magazine Issue 39 February - March 2011

Youths and Ducks,

11

14

Contain Notts Piste Artist 04 May 10 The local news diary that still thinks

Skiman: the bar-spitting Bridgford that jewellery shop on St James Street is called ‘PigSlut’

05

LeftEyeOn More clicky soul-capturing by our squadron of photography sorts

06

A Canadian in New Basford Rob Cutforth: extremely wound up this bi-month

Capital Punishment 07

Why Radio Trent died last month

08

and nobody cared

You’re Ace, You Are 11

Ace Bhatti: bringing a touch of

Sneinton to Albert Square

The Adventures Of Portland Bill 12

The 5th Duke of Portland: Batchy

As Owt

People Are Strange, By The Doors 14

Don McCalman: he wrote the

15

The Colonic Your humble editor takes it up the arse for his magazine

behemoth

book on bouncing

15

Reviews 19

Alberto Veto! Alright The Captain!

Write Lion 20

The latest missives from the Notterati Rhys’ Pieces 22

Gruff Rhys: coming to Glee this

18

The Next Step The return of Nottdance

month

Nottingham Events Listings 23

What to spend your money on,

From Dot To What?

Deborah Stephenson, one year on from Year Dot

Burt Bacharak Fight Club! Dick Venom and the Terrortones! Fists!

Long Dead Signal! Sleaford Mods!

Some Skeletons! Come On DOWN!

while you still have some

Noshingham 29

Big teas a-plenty, from Petit Paris,

Yo! Sushi and Jalisco

The Arthole 30

Plus Notts Trumps, LeftLion Abroad

and Rocky Horrorscopes

Screen Editor Alison Emm (ali@leftlion.co.uk)

Editor Al Needham (nishlord@leftlion.co.uk)

Stage Editor Adrian Bhagat (adrian@leftlion.co.uk)

The Rock Alan Gilby (alan@leftlion.co.uk)

Administrator Duncan Heath (duncan@leftlion.co.uk)

Photographers David Baird Till Botterweck Debbie Davies Florence Gohard Nick Lee Tracey Whitefoot Scott Wilson

Sub-Editor Alison Kirkman (alison@leftlion.co.uk)

Cover Trish Evans

Official Baby of LeftLion Oscar Miller

Art Director David Kingsbury (reason@leftlion.co.uk)

Contributors Mike Atkinson Rob Cutforth Ash Dilks Andrew Graves Anne Holloway Gareth Hughes Shariff Ibrahim Pete Lamb Roger Mean Beane Noodler Di Slaney Deborah Stevenson Maria Taylor

LeftLion.co.uk has received twelve million page views during the last year. This magazine has an estimated readership of 40,000 people and is distributed to over 300 venues across the city of Nottingham.

If your venue isn’t one of them, please contact Ben on 07984 275453 or email ben@leftlion.co.uk.

Literature Editor James Walker (books@leftlion.co.uk) Music Editor Paul Klotschkow (paulk@leftlion.co.uk) Photography Editor Dominic Henry (dom@leftlion.co.uk) Poetry Editor Aly Stoneman (poetry@leftlion.co.uk)

The thing I love about doing this mag is how we gather together so many diverse people in our loveleh citeh and chuck ‘em together, like a random dinner party.

Just look at the quality of that contents list over there; we’ve got bar-spitting youths rubbing shoulders with seasoned bouncer sorts, proper arty types mingling with dead mentalist toffs, and even a hefty dose of telly representation in the shape of C4 reality madam Deborah Stephenson and EastEnders’ new lad Ace Bhatti. Oh, and for some reason, the Fish Man has turned up dressed as a woman. And what’s this pipe doing hanging out of my trousers? Ooer.

Naturally, being the incestuous media trollops we are, we’ve had a go at covering the death of Trent FM, which makes no sense to us whatsoever. If LeftLion has proven anything in its seven or so years of existence – and without bragging here – it’s that proper local media will always mash down mediocre ‘network’ rammell. So let’s have more of it, please.

Nothing else to report, apart from advising you to expect big and sexy changes to the way LL does its thing this year, and a fervent hope that 2011 gets its drawers off for you.

Shariff Ibrahim

Editor in Chief Jared Wilson (jared@leftlion.co.uk)

Designer Becca Hibberd (becca@leftlion.co.uk)

I’m not lying yer, but this particular issue – the first of the New Year – is always known here at Lion Towers as ‘The Bitch Issue’ because it’s always a ballache to put together.

Why? Because, like you, we’ve all spent December doing the usual seasonal flange, followed by the obligatory feeling-rougher-than-North-Korean-toilet-paper phase throughout January. But fret not, babies – your favourite NGers With Attitude have pulled another blinding edition out of the fire, as you’ll see as soon as you stop reading this and start flicking through it.

Word to your Nana, Al Needham nishlord@leftlion.co.uk

credits

Marketing and Sales Manager Ben Hacking (ben@leftlion.co.uk)

Here’s hoping your Christmas wasn’t the usual voluminous wazz of money and time up the wall in exchange for what amounted to little more than a glorified Sunday dinner. Mine involved me and us Mam refusing to wait for me sister and her kids a minute longer, and the pair of us flicking V-signs at our Dad, who wasn’t hungry and watched Murder She Wrote instead, the miserable get.

This magazine is printed on paper sourced from sustainable forests. Our printers are ISO 14001 certified by the British Accreditation Bureau for their environmental management.

Illustrators Judit Ferencz Rob White

Want to advertise in our pages? Email sales@leftlion.co.uk or phone Ben on 07984 275453 or visit leftlion.co.uk/advertise

Representing the Dirty South, er, Notts Born and raised on the down side of the Trent, Shariff was schooled with an MA in Newspaper Journalism from NTU and now spends his working days as a copywriter. A regular contributor to LeftLion’s musical wing for a couple of years now, Shariff is primarily dedicated to the fat-laced, dookie-roped hip-hop of yore, but was also the first one to put his hand up when Pet Shop Boys were playing the Splendour festival last summer. This issue, the serial barman and blogger has a nice chat with fellow south Notts-er Skiman, and reviews his latest mixtape. dopeonarope.wordpress.com

Judit Ferencz

Hungary? No ta, we’ve just ate Judit chose to become an illustrator to give herself an official alibi for creating a mess –­which she does most beautifully on our article about the 5th Duke of Portland. She cuts out bits, leaves smudgy crayon marks on decent surfaces and ­­­­­­­– most of all – prefers to mix her paint in as many cups and plates as possible. She occasionally suffers from nostalgia for her homeland in Hungary, but finds that proper Notts ales and a generous portion of mushy peas make up for it. And she just loves our trams. juditferencz.co.uk leftlion.co.uk/issue39

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YOU NEVER KNOW WHO YOU CAN TRUST Mark Kennedy, aka Mark Stone, has been exposed as an undercover police officer. From 2000 to the end of 2009, Mark was a well-known face in the local activist community and was actively involved in various environmental, animal rights, anticapitalist and anti-fascist groups and campaigns.

Investigations into his identity revealed evidence that he has been a police officer and a face-to-face confession has confirmed this.

Illiteratelitigator So he confessed to doing his job? Big woop! I’d send undercover folks to the Sumac Centre too if I were plod. It’s to be expected really. What would be interesting is the table were turned - activists joining the police force to subvert their actions.

NS This guy was in a long term ‘relationship’ with a female activist. Just doing his job?

Adrian Wow, that’s dedicated. Admittedly toying with the heart strings of a lady are the actions of confounded blaggard, I can’t help but think he went back to his superiors with reports like “they really nice and not really a concern to us, a few misguided ideologies dotted about but they mean well. Nice tea.”

NS The irony is that the police are being sued for this completely illegal manoeuvre, for what could be hundreds of thousands of pounds.

Samyouwell The Police are getting a bit of a hammering for this in our local paper too. Has the undercover copper actually become Bodhi from Point Break?

Jared I think the fact that he sold his story to the Mail on Sunday and asked Max Clifford to represent him say a lot about the integrity of this character - the Mail on Sunday is the ultimate two finger salute!

Sparrow

FOREST SELL-OFFS? WHAT’S THE FUTURE FOR SHERWOOD FOREST? I read about the planned selling-off of some forest land in England some time ago and wonder how it will affect our local forest.

Sara I think most people will see this and start thinking of football and transfer markets. But thanks for the heads up.

Samyouwell I think it’s a further insult. Like being burgled and then aiding the burglar to sell the rest of your stuff to cover the loss. I’m waiting on people to make a serious un-ignorable statement which a petition is not. I wish a few thousand or hundred thousand names would make this small ruling elite have a change of heart, but that’s just delusional.

NS I emailed Caroline Lucas today about this and am looking forward to a response from the Green Party.

I think the nation needs to get off their sorry asses and start kicking some serious ass!

Sara It isn’t going to happen, not to Sherwood Forest anyway. Sherwood Forest has long term management plans in place and will increase in size in the future. All this can be discovered by internet resources a little closer to home. dubambassador They really do need to limit the amount of land they sell-off to organisations though. There’s not enough green space in the UK as it is!

Jared Read more about the Woodland Trust’s campaign to save our ancient forests and sign the petition at woodlandtrust.org.uk Alijk Great article in The Guardian today by Caroline Lucas (tinyurl.com/366oeeq). Also received a personal email from her today regarding this. What a woman!

Sara

MAY CONTAIN NOTTS with Nottingham’s ‘Mr. Sex’ Al Needham

December 2010 - January 2011 24 November

The Christmas Market, that was supposedly non-German, opens, selling massive sausages and Gluhwein. Which presumably came from Malta, then. The way this country is going down the pan, next year we’ll have an East German Market, where people end up queueing all the way to Sneinton for potatoes, pirated Elton John cassettes and jeans with ‘I CRAZE FOR JIMMY OSMON’ patches that cost three weeks wages.

28 November

A local member of the EDL – the group of middle-aged potato-faced Muslim-botherers who stand around Defending England for a couple of hours before giving up and going to the nearest Wetherspoons - is arrested in Nuneaton for robbery. Of oxygen, presumably.

2 December

FIFA decide to give the 2018 World Cup to Russia instead of England, meaning that we’ll have to wait thirty years before we can bid for it again, by which time Rollerball will have started up. On the plus side, it means that all this rammell about Forest and County sharing a stadium too big for both of them, way out in Banjoland, is dead in the water for a few more years, thank God.

3 December

May Contain Notts witnesses what could be the most pathetic fight on a bus ever, on the number 89 to Rise Park. Message to Mong No.1: next time you attempt a roundhouse kick to someone’s head, make sure to pull your trousers up over your knees first.

Message to Mong No.2: Next time you’re fronting up to someone, try not to scream “GERROFF MEH! YER GET MEH! GERROFF MEH! YER GET MEH!” over and over again. Message to Mong No.1’s girlfriend: When trying to explain what happened to the police, referring to the assailant as ‘Manz’ doesn’t really help unless you point to him at the same time.

4 December

While I’m on the subject: youths who deploy words traditionally ending with ‘S’ with a ‘Z’ – do you know who you actually sound like? Six-toed, sister-shagging farmhands from Somerset. When you refer to St Anns as ‘Stanz’, you actually make it sound like the sort of village the Famous Five used to holiday at. Why don’t you go the whole way and stand about on Pelham Street in a Nikebranded smock, playing the Wurzels on your mobiles?

6 December

A foot spa opens up in Viccy Centre, offering people the chance to have their dead skin nibbled away at by garra rufa fish. ‘Britain’s Newest (And Scariest) Beauty Fad’, says the Daily Mail. ‘Tekking Jobs Off Kids In Bulwell’, says May Contain Notts.

10 December

Police in Langley Mill announce plans for meet-and-greet sessions with the public called ‘Cuppa With A Copper’. Great idea. Maybe they can do toast an’all, and call it ‘Bread With A Fed’.

16 December

May Contain Notts’ nephew has his junior school nativity. He plays one of King Herod’s advisors. After telling King Herod that he needs to kill loads of babies, they all do the conga. This is why May Contain Notts isn’t wringing out its knickers about reports of the Koran being introduced to British schools; it’ll just be a load of kids dressed up as papier mache mountains and getting upset that they’re playing 72nd Virgin again.

25 December

Christmas. May Contain Notts’ Mam is overheard saying “I’m going to mek you drink them non-alcohol beers he bought you even if they bastard well choke yer” to his Dad.

26 December

There’s a shooting in St Anns. I don’t mean to be flippant, but you really must hate someone to be bothered enough to shoot them on Boxing Day; you’re normally lolling on the settee with a tin of Quality Street on your gut, wondering if there’s any more sausage rolls about and looking for something on the telly that isn’t Only Fools And Horses.

29 December

Forest wrestle Derby County to the floor, pull their pants down in the street, and expose their inadequately small footballing genitalia to the rest of the Championship.

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31 December

There’s a stabbing in town. And sorry to be really flippant again, but you must be really angry to do that sort of thing on New Years Eve, when you’d normally shake Hitler’s hand and say “All the best, duckeh” before looking about for any Sharons for a snog up against one of the Lions.

2 January

AA Gill, a mediocre columnist who once wrote about shooting a monkey in a failed attempt to be Jeremy Clarkson, reviews Harts for the Sunday Times, making disparaging mention of Goose Fair. May Contain Notts can’t be arsed to look it up online, but the words ‘Black pudding’ were used. Oh dear.

3 January

Trent FM dies, and Capital East Midlands bursts from the maggoty corpse. Unfortunately, this means that Twiggy and Emma now get to make people in Leicester and Derby want to ram knitting needles through their tabs as well. “We’ve got some massive Usher news!” bellows the hateful Twiggy, like the Happy Shopper Dale Winton he is. Oh, so is he looking at properties in the Sneinton area, then? No? Click.

4 January

VAT gets whacked up, resulting in Poundland charging an extra penny for their carrier bags. Absolute chaos.

7 January

A panto version of Robin Hood in Glasgow gets done for breaking the rules of the Geneva Convention, as one of the nurses had a red cross on her costume. What’s even worse is that the part of our Robbo has been defiled by lovable Cockney racist alcoholic wifebeater Jim ‘Twat Twat’ Davidson. Christ, on a crisp packet, if Russell Crowe wasn’t bad enough. Who next - Gary Glitter?

8 January

The third round of the FA Cup – a trophy that hasn’t been in Nottingham since the days before America had a space programme – results in a joyous treble of Forest not cocking up against Preston, County shocking the country by beating Sunderland, and Derby being humiliated by Crawley. Next day, in the draw for the fourth round, Jim Rosenthal asks a confused soldier on live TV if he’d like to be in a war with Stuart Pearce, in a manner not unlike that pilot in Airplane! who kept asking that kid if he liked gladiator movies.

9 January

A deranged student goes on a shooting rampage in Tucson, Arizona, shooting nineteen people (including local Representative Gabrielle Giffords) and killing six of them. ‘Eeh, America – it’s getting more like that Nottingham every day, in’t it?’, says a banner graphic on Fox News.

13 January

Nottingham’s apparent ambition to become as bland and faceless as every other city in this split colostomy bag of a country continues as the old Tales of Robin Hood is converted into another Tesco Express.

18 January

Sven Goran Eriksson finally fulfils his promise to bring some proper money to Notts County, by letting his Leicester City side lose 4-2 to Man City and guaranteeing £150,000 worth of telly money in the next round. leftlion.co.uk/maycontainnotts

LeftEyeOn

Images of the last two months from the cream of our local photo talent...

Left to right from the top: Wollaton Lowry – This is where sledging is at in Nottingham when the weather turns Siberian. (Nick Lee / Flickr: klaus eggs) Drag Net – Fish Man, Fish Man, Fish Man. What you have got in your nets? No, don’t answer that. As seen in Just the Tonic, after losing a bet with Johnny Vegas. (domhenry.com) Angry Students – Not a single fire extingusher thrown or minor Royal poked – gawd bless Nottingham student folk. (Debbie Davies / debsphotography.co.uk) Knickers To It – Three for six paaand, flattenin’ in ahl th’ raaaht places. (Tracey Whitefoot / whitefootphotography.com) Pistols At Dawn – The big boys of the forest settle it the traditional way on a frosty morning. (Scott Wilson / Flickr: wilsonaxpe) leftlion.co.uk/issue39

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Our resident CanAlien: not happy about the rise in student fees…

I hate Nick Clegg.

I hate his stupid side parting and his beady eyes. I hate his over-elaborate hand gestures and that horrible voice – you know, the one that sounds like a geography teacher talking through a trumpet mute. I hate his guts.

I hate Nick Clegg more than I hate David Cameron. Turning the Tory logo into a happy little tree and spouting that buildingstrong-communities BS didn’t fool anyone; we knew before the election that he’d send thousands of people to the breadline and leave grannies out in the cold, because that’s what his sort do. No-one was surprised when David Cameron proved to be an out-of-touch, banker-loving, public schoolboy dickhead. The man wears his out-of-touch banker-loving, public schoolboy dickheadedness on his sleeve.

Nick Clegg, on the other hand, was supposed to be different. He was new and exciting; he was saying new and exciting things!

He’ll vote against tuition rises! He’ll make taxes fair! He’ll break up the banks and make sure that they pay for the damages they caused! He’ll keep his promises!

Since he’s become Deputy Prime Minister, he’s tripled the tuition cap, he’s let Vodafone and a number of other corporations get away with avoiding paying billions in tax, and he’s allowed the banks (including the ones now part-owned by us) to pay their executives millions of pounds in bonuses.

Most politicians are liars and all are guilty of straying from election promises, but it takes a special kind of prick to do the exact opposite of what you said you’d do. I’d almost be impressed if it wasn’t so tragic. OK, I suppose I’m being a bit unfair, there is one promise he did keep, the promise that he’d make ‘Real Changes’. We just didn’t realise he was talking about his own policies. In a few short months, the coalition has managed to turn the nation into a giant human centipede with

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the bankers and CEOs at the front, then Cameron, then Clegg, then the rest of us, only somehow our mouths are stitched to everyone’s backsides.

There are many reasons to hate Nick Clegg, but I suppose the raising of the tuition cap winds me up the most. If there is one thing I’ve always loved about Britain, it’s the way people are educated in this country. Indulge me for a moment, while I tell you why I don’t have a university degree, because this is a little peek into the future for many kids in this country.

University in Canada is expensive and has been for ages – although not as expensive as it is in the UK now, mind – and most Canadian students need to get loans to pay for it. When I was accepted into uni, the government had pawned off their student loan services to the banks and they doled out money based on ‘financial need’. Despite the fact that my family didn’t have much money, the bank decided that they would only provide about half the money it would take to cover my tuition and books.

This meant my father had to pay for a large chunk (more than he could afford) and I had to work while I took classes. Not to mention the fact that I was now on my way to acquiring a massive amount of debt; debt that I would have to start paying back the minute I graduated.

What this does is change the question “What do I want to do with my life?” to “Which degree is going to give me the best chance of getting a job after I graduate?” The two things I was remotely good at (Fine Art and English) don’t pay very well, so I chose Commerce. Of course I’ll make money with a Commerce degree, it’s got money right in the name.

Unfortunately for me, I have the maths skills of a laboratory chimp and promptly started failing all my courses. Did you know that they sneak maths into every course in the first year of a

Commerce degree? I knew Math 210 was going to have some maths in it, and I thought maybe Micro Economics 101 would have a touch, but even a course called Policy and Environment was crammed to the gills with maths. That’s false advertising, that is.

But it was too late to change - we’d already started paying all this money. I worked my night job, sat in lectures that might as well have been in Chinese, and took courses without the books I needed, because I was waiting for payday to get the money for them. I watched my savings disappear and my debt skyrocket.

I maxed out a credit card so I didn’t have to ask my parents for more money. I hid my grades from them. I spent most of my time feeling guilty and ashamed that they were wasting all of their money on their idiot son. It was the most depressing time of my life. When I finally did flunk out, it came as a relief for me and for them.

After that, I worked for a number of years on an assembly line, went to night school and ended up with a couple of college diplomas, but it’s not the same. No matter what Clegg tells you, there is nothing like a university degree. Not having one has been a hindrance to me my whole life; I will always wonder what it would’ve been like to have a degree and to do something that I truly loved rather than simply working to pay the bills.

Would I have a degree now had money not been a part of the equation at the start like it used to be in this country? Who knows? One thing’s for sure, I would have had a much better shot at it if I’d enrolled in something I enjoyed and wasn’t always worried about money. Post-secondary education is one of the few things left that the UK does better than anywhere else on the planet. Why would anyone want to mess with that?

Read more from Rob at leftlion.co.uk/cinb

CAPITAL

PUNISHMENT words: Al Needham

The main commercial radio station in town is no more - but then again, it’d been on Death Row for nearly two decades anyway. LeftLion notes another regrettable kick in the goolies for local media and reminisces about the glory days of Radio Trent…

Radio Trent – otherwise known as 96 Trent FM, Trent FM, or, if you were my little sister, ‘Tren-ert’ – died the other week, and hardly anyone cared. There were no mass protests. Nobody queued up outside the Council House to sign a petition. The local forums were beside themselves in a frenzy to find an animated smiley that gave a little shrug. According to the Post, the most important aspect of Nottingham’s main commercial station being killed off by a big London corporation and lumped together with Leicester Sound and Ram FM was the fact that the Arena would have to change its name again.

It didn’t have to be this way. For someone who grew up with Trent, its demise is unthinkable.

Once upon a time, it was one of the most important assets the city had. Seeing as that statement is unimaginable for anyone reading this under the age of 35, a quick history lesson is needed.

Although it seems like local radio has been around forever, it wasn’t until 1968 – 41 years after the BBC first started broadcasting – that Notts was granted its own permanent sliver on the dial in the shape of Radio Nottingham (yes, there was a BBC station called 5NG that operated out of Bridlesmith Gate in the 1920s, but this was very quickly folded into the BBC’s regional network).

All well and good, but Radio Nottingham rapidly established itself as your nana’s radio station – the kind of thing you’d listen to during your Sunday dinner, rather than under the covers with a hand-held tranny, or on a radio suspended from the handlebars of your Chopper.

So when Radio Trent commenced broadcasting in July 1975 (as only the 13th commercial radio station in the country), it was a very big deal indeed. Before too long, it had established itself as not only the dominant radio station (at its peak, one in every two people within the city boundaries were listening at some point during the week), but as one of the most widely-admired, professional set-ups in the country. The average Trent playlist of the late 70s and early 80s was unrepentantly popularist, but in a time when ‘popular’ didn’t necessarily mean ‘lowest common denominator R’n’B rammell’. The DJs – which at various points included a pre-Radio One and post-Radio Luxembourg Kid Jensen and a biscuit factory DJ called Dale Winton – were a match for anyone on the national network.

(Alright, comparing someone to Dave Lee Travis might sound like damning with faint praise – and it can’t be denied that certain Trent DJs were just as guilty of outright Smashist and Nicerian attitudes as their more famous counterparts – but the difference was that John Peters actually knew what Goose Fair was about and Tony Lyman could pick out Carlton on a map; that was the whole point of Trent).

For a lot of people my age, Trent was the station you started listening to when you were too old for Radio One (in other words, when you turned twelve). Because make no mistake, when it was at its peak, Trent’s commitment to the city was huge. Not only did they have a dedicated news team, teleprinter and all, based in their Castle Gate offices, but they also had a sports department whose figurehead, the gobby, Clough-hating Chris Ashley, once packed out Broadmarsh Centre when he promised to shave his head after another Forest victory. Remember, this is before Central came into being, and ATV’s news services virtually ignored the East Midlands, meaning you knew more about what was happening in Dudley and Droitwich than you did your own hometown.

Radio One’s DJs used to be in the papers and on telly. Trent DJs used to get kaylide with Forest players in the Beer Keller. I know who I would have sooner been.

So where did it all go wrong for Trent? I direct you to the Broadcasting Act of 1990, which was pretty much the last successful attempt by the Thatcher government to completely shag up something that was good and actually worked. A basic deregulation of the broadcasting industry, it was described by the government of the time as the opportunity for greater media choice, when in actual fact it was an open invitation for Rupert Murdoch and other beak-wetting arseholes to ruin one of the last things the UK actually did better than anyone else, by instigating a buy-out frenzy. On a national level, it resulted in you flicking through 300 channels (all owned by about three or four companies) and moaning that there was nothing on them, and public opinion being even more swayed at a whim by an ossified Australian bastard who, if there’s such a thing as justice, will be sizzling in Satan’s chip pan for all eternity.

On a local level, the Act was even more destructive. It was directly responsible for the death of ITV regions, resulting in Central being swallowed whole by the vastly inferior Carlton (upon whose board at the time was a certain David Cameron – the prick), who decided that Nottingham wasn’t important enough to have its own TV studios, and that the East and West Midlands were pretty much the same place and needed to be lumped together again. And it wasn’t too long before Trent went the same way – their owners Midland Radio were gobbled up by the GWR Group (owned by the Daily Mail) in 1993, who were merged into GCap in 2003, who were swallowed by Global Radio in 2008 – going from one of the best independent radio stations in the country to part of a bulk purchase who lost its sports broadcasting wing, had its local news team in Leicester Square, and lost its soul long before it lost its name.

Having a ‘local’ radio station with a blatantly Londoncentric name that broadcasts a mere seven hours of actual local content per day, which is actually shared between Notts, Leicester and Derby, four of which are taken up by Twiggy and Emma; this is the monumentally depressing state of local media at the dawn of the 21st century, where the prevailing attitude towards the audience is ‘this’ll do, they’re only provincial’, the BBC are the only major players with a proper presence in Notts and one of the biggest truly independent local media outlets is this mag you’re reading.

Which is terrifying.

The TV advert for Capital East Midlands – the one that rolls out a selection of pop gonks who have been paid vast amounts of money to say ‘East Midlands’ – promises non-stop hit music and celebrity gossip. But that’s what people go to Radio One for, and exactly the kind of aural diarrhoea that Trent FM was squitting out as it wallowed on its death bed. That’s why its demise was so resolutely unmourned last month, and why the new company’s inevitable merging into all the other Capital stations around the country in a few year’s time will be met with equal indifference. We’re still better served than most cities – there’s still Radio Nottingham, Kemet FM and Gem FM – but it’s hard to imagine one station ever having the ear of the city as much as Trent did in its prime.

bbc.co.uk/nottingham 975kemetfm.com gem106.co.uk

Stills taken from A Day In The Sound Of Radio Trent, 1979

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7

The idea was simple enough; it was January, every other magazine was trotting out its ‘New Year, New You’ rammell, and we wanted to do something similar. The problem was that giving up fags and ale - or dragging ourselves to the gym - was boring to write about and even more boring to read.

Then we got an email from Caitlin Campbell, a nice young lady from Connecticut who has just set up a practice called the Natural Cleanse near The Park, asking if any of us fancied a bang on her colonic hydration set-up. And I thought; I’ve packed up fags and cut down on booze.

It’s either give up chips or have a go on this. Sod it. Why not?

So, dear reader, let me take you to a clinic just across the road from where Scruffy’s used to be. I’ll give you a minute or so to finish your tea. Are we ready? Good… words: Al Needham image: Becca Hibberd Caitlin, the first question I have to ask is, well… why do people need pipes shoving up their arses?

The answer to that is because we spend our lives putting so much crap into our bodies that’s really not supposed to be in there. Our bodies are not equipped to cope with smoking, the amount of alcohol we drink, kebabs at two in the morning, etc.

What colonic hydration does is give our organs of excretion – our colon, liver, kidneys, lungs and skin – the chance to eliminate what we put in there.

I’ve got a rough idea of what happens - because I’ve seen those sort of videos - but could you tell me the truth?

Well, first we’re going to go through a little consultation, where I ask you about your diet and lifestyle. Then you’re going to get on the table, and we’re going to introduce a plastic speculum and pump in and let out warm water for 45 minutes or so.

How much warm water?

About 50 to 75 litres.

How much is that?

It’s that tank on the wall, about three times.

(The tank is the size of a Mac Classic, or one of those big portable tellies with a built-in video recorder) That is a lot of water.

It is, but we need that much to remove the stagnant waste that has accumulated in the pockets of the colon.

I’ve told people what I’m about to do, and they think it’s the comedy event of the decade. As an American, do you find us Brits are a bit more reticent about this sort of thing?

Well, I think men from both countries are absolute wimps when it comes to their assholes, but that’s starting to change – I’m seeing a lot of younger men who don’t have as much of a hangup about it. Look, not only is this is going to benefit your organs, it’s going to tell us what’s wrong with your current diet and what you need to change.

(One consultation about my personal health later – which is none of your business, actuleh - I was given a skirty-towelly thing and asked to get me drawers off in a changing room. I must admit by this time, I was getting rather nervous; after all, the last thing anyone else had shoved up my arse was a doctor’s finger, on the morning of the 1975 Grand National…)

So what are you expecting to find?

Well, from what you’ve told me about your diet, you’re eating too much bread than you should and not drinking enough water, so I’ll be looking for a yeasty, frothy discharge that clings to the tube. That’s pretty much the most common reaction I get from people.

(She then unwraps a hermetically-sealed package containing plastic speculum roughly the side of a small, thin candle, and a pipe).

Shall we put some music on?

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Ooh, what music goes with?

It’s just soft instrumental music. I don’t want anything too distracting or intense. Normally, I’d put on some Rage Against The Machine, but it’s not really suitable for this – I wouldn’t want anyone to start ranting about politics while they’re having their colon treated…

(As the music – which sounds like the kind of stuff they play on QVC when they’re flogging the Feng Shui rammell – plays, we reach the point where I lie on the padded table, face the wall – that has a massive poster of a colon on it – and the speculum gets slathered with shea butter and takes a one-way journey to ArseTown. I’ve not transcribed this bit, because it would be me going “Oooooh”, taking sharp intakes of breath as I gingerly get on my back, and nervously cackling away to myself like a schoolgirl as the warm water is introduced…)

Ooer, I’m surprised that this is a lot less uncomfortable than I expected.

You’re holding a lot of water, which is good. You’ve got a big holding capacity.

So have you had any, erm, accidents since you started practicing?

No, I haven’t. All throughout my schooling, I’ve been prepared for incidents such as people fainting or the pipes clogging and everything ending up on the floor, but nothing bad has ever happened. Don’t be my first!

Do you ever stop every now and again when you’re at work and think; ‘You know what? My job is mental’?

Not at all. I’d much sooner do this than work in a call centre. In a minute I’m going to give you an abdominal massage to make sure the water’s circulating, and then I’m going to open the valve and see what’s coming out. (Checks pipe). Hmmm.

What are you seeing at the moment?

Clear water.

Ah, skill!

Er, no. That’s indicating that you have impacted faeces and you’re severely dehydrated. I’m really devastated, Al – it looks like we have a sad colon in here…

(The problem, dear reader, is that I don’t even like farting in the same house as anyone else, particularly nice young ladies.

By now, I have about 12 litres of water inside me - which is the average daily cider intake of a Jeremy Kyle guest – and I’m involuntarily refusing to expel it. In the end, I have to slosh over to the bog to get rid, where I do an impersonation of those Coke bottles that American kids stuff with Mentos and throw on the floor so they rocket twenty feet in the air. We decide that I need to rehydrate and have another go later on…)

OK, I must admit I was thrown on the first go, what with being British and all…

Well, you need to remember that everything is going through the tube. We’re not going to smell anything.

Why are you using just warm water? Don’t people use coffee?

Well, coffee can be used as a stimulant, but I feel it’s too harsh – particularly for first-time users. I can use a blend of herbs and extracts, so I can adjust the treatments for different ailments.

What’s the nastiest stuff you ever seen?

In really dehydrated cases, you get black, shiny, almost leathery flakes, which is known as mucus plaque – a thick crust that’s not naturally shifting by itself. And yes, I see sweetcorn all the time, and seeds and tomato skin. I can actually feel your bowels moving now… we’re getting some very good results here…

(As the tank empties and refills and the water goes in and the water goes out and Caitlin scans the pipe like a 1920s banker would read a ticker tape, two things hit me; how quickly you get used to this sort of thing – once you get over the panicked feeling that you’re going to involuntary pebbledash one side of Derby Road – and how easy it is to hold a conversation with a pipe up your ringpiece.)

So how often should the average person do this?

I usually recommend a course of three treatments over six weeks. If you’re serious about it, I think people really should be doing this at least once every four months.

I think for straight males, you definitely need more than one, just to get over the hang-up with bumhole-related palaver.

Well, yes. At the very least, one treatment is giving your colon a workout – which is better than no workout – and you’re flushing out a lot of stuff you want rid of. *** By the end of the treatment - when I’ve been properly hydrated and made sure I’ve got rid of every drop of water and I’ve put my kit back on - Caitlin gives me a few leaflets to help keep my colon in tip-top fashion (calm down on the meat, bread and other processed foods, ramp up the fruit and veg and get more water down you). Was it worth it? I have to say it definitely was. After all, if you’re having a serious think about your diet, it makes sense to get rid of whatever’s there first, and if your idea of a detox is a bit more than ‘not getting kaylide or noshing kebabs for a weekend’, it makes sense to tackle the problem from both ends.

As I walk down the street towards Canning Circus, I have to say that I feel a bit lighter. Actually, I experience the euphoria that only a properly massive clearout can do for a person. I’d bounce down the street and click my heels, but I’m too scared of, well… y’know.

Caitlin can be found at The Natural Cleanse, 2 Derby Terrace, NG7 1ND. Telephone 0757 692 8991. New Year deals are still on.

LeftLion would like to point out that no garden hoses were used at any point during the colonic hydration process. thenaturalcleanse.net

FRIDAY 8 - SATURDAY 23 APRIL 8PM £15 (£12 CONCESSION) £9 RESTRICTED VIEW

LAKESIDE IN ASSOCIATION WITH ENGINEHOUSE PRESENTS

BY DAVID MAMET Electrifying dialogue and blazing emotion create a riveting play in which a college professor and his female student become embroiled in a war of words that takes a dangerous turn.

LAKESIDE ARTS CENTRE UNIVERSITY PARK, NOTTINGHAM BOOK ONLINE: WWW.LAKESIDEARTS.ORG.UK BOX OFFICE: 0115 846 7777

interview: Shariff Ibrahim photo: David Baird

PISTE ARTIST Daniel Waithe – otherwise known as Skiman – is a prodigy of Notts superproducers The Elementz, the latest in a long line of bar-spitting behemoths from the NG and the man behind dancefloor-destroying mixtape Afterdark.

And he’s still only 18…

When did you first start rapping?

I used to rap in my bedroom with my brother to Mike Shinoda, the rapper in Linkin Park. I grew up with a lot of UK garage and grime; there’s always been people like Dizzee Rascal, Wiley and Pay As You Go on my stereo. I also used to watch Channel U a lot, or Channel AKA as it’s called now, so I would always see a lot of homegrown MCs. How did the name Skiman come about?

It’s a bit of a boring story, really. It was more of a joke, going on my nickname Danski – like the Russian for Dan. Then my dad, who doesn’t even know why, just instinctively called me Skiman. So when I started rapping and I was looking for a name, I thought I might as well use that. I’ve never actually been skiing, but I’ve been water-skiing once in Turkey when I was twelve.

Tell us about Afterdark. Does it have a darker vibe than your earlier stuff?

The cover’s a bit scary, but I wouldn’t say it was dark, because there are uplifting songs on there.

It’s for the club scene, more like dubstep for when the lights go down. If my previous mixtape Top of the World was me in the daytime, this is what happens at night. The beat on my new track Darkside was made by a good friend of mine called Fable. I heard the tune and thought: “I’m going to take that beat and do a dub to it.” It wasn’t supposed to be a big thing, but we really liked it and did a video with Faolan Jones, of Jungewire video. It got just under 5,000 YouTube views in its first week. There’s also a tune called Too Hard which is more grime. We got the beat from a guy called NAT, the producer from a group called Black Ops. Again, I dubbed that and did a video with Anthony Hopwood that’s also gone down really well on YouTube.

Are there any beats by The Elementz on the mixtape?

Yes, we added a track at the end called Afterdark. The beat was originally made for a group called T’SOTU which the Elementz were a part of, but then everyone went their own way and left the beats with them. I heard the tune on the studio laptop and thought “Yeah, I’ll vocal that.”

How did you hook up with The Elementz in the first place?

I was on holiday in Kavos and I met a guy over there called LA Golding who, at the time, I didn’t know rapped or sang. Then when I came back to England, he said he’d seen one of my videos on YouTube and he’d take me to the studio. So he brought me here, where I met Liati (one half of The Elementz) for the first time, booked myself in for an hour and got three tracks done. I’d never been to a studio before, but I was quick, the delivery was good and I impressed them. Then I rang them up and asked if I could come back to the studio and watch how other people do it. I didn’t want to be ignorant – you’ve got to learn from different people.

How many hours do you spend in the studio per week?

I’m there pretty much every day, just writing and stuff like that. But the studio is busy and usually booked up, so I only really get time to do anything when there’s a backing track that’s already made and ready to go. Recently I’ve been recording about two or three times a week.

If you weren’t an MC, what would be your ideal job?

I want to train to be a primary school teacher. I might not teach them all to rap, but I would definitely bring music into the lessons. I think that’s what kids want to do nowadays, they all want to be music stars.

Would you get the kids battling in their break times? Are you a bit of a battler?

I’d love to do some battle raps, but I can’t really freestyle. I’d definitely get the kids doing it, though. Like on a Friday daytime – “It’s ‘rap battle time, kids, write your own lyrics and battle each other.” I’d have loved that at school.

You competed in the Notts Unsigned event at the Arena last Summer. How was that?

Words can’t describe it – it was probably the best day of my life. They cut off half of the Arena. so it wasn’t as big as it can be, but it still felt huge. There were a lot of people there too so obviously it was quite nerve-wracking. Before I went on, my legs just wouldn’t stop shaking! But I did a good job and came second behind Long Dead Signal, who got the overall prize to perform at Splendour festival, so that was quite an achievement. I didn’t really expect to win, I just wanted to go in for the experience, but it’s definitely something to put on the CV. What’s come of all that publicity?

I’ve had loads of bookings and people asking to do collaborations. But I work with lots of Nottingham artists anyway, people like Karizma, The Elementz and Nick ‘n’ Nash – who are doing really well and will be making a lot of noise in 2011. I’ve also just got back from doing a tour of a couple of primary schools with Dog Is Dead. We did a performance hosted by Mark Del from Trent FM who does the Notts Unsigned podcast. Afterwards we did a Q&A with the kids asking us how to get into music and what our interests are. It was really good fun.

What are your plans for 2011? Will there be an album coming out?

At the moment we’re just going to concentrate on the single. Then there will be my EP with a few tracks and a few remixes as well, so 2011 is looking good for iTunes. There will also be more bookings and gigs to look out for.

So when you’re a mega-rich rap star you’re not going to forget your Notts roots, are you?

Of course not, they’re all coming with me! As soon as I go, that’s it – Nottingham is on the map. But the first thing I’d do is buy my mum something nice, like a house.

What do you think of the music scene in Notts?

It’s really strong at the moment. You’ve got people like Wariko doing his projects in London with all the grime MCs. Then there’s also the indie rock scene that’s really taken off with bands like Dog Is Dead and Long Dead Signal. The club scene’s pretty good as well. It’s predominantly a student city so of course there’s a lot of them around, but if you’re from here, you know what it’s like – full of girls. I love it!

Skiman’s Afterdark mixtape is available to download free from theelementz.co.uk, or at gigs. myspace.com/skimanonthisting

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With an acting career that has already taken in the likes of Cardiac Arrest, Emmerdale, Bend It Like Beckham, Band Of Gold, Coronation Street and The Sarah Jane Adventures, Ace Bhatti – from the extremely North London borough of Sneinton – is the newest cast member of EastEnders…

interview: Alison Emm photo: Al Needham

What did you want to be when you grew up?

I had an inkling that I might want to be an actor at fourteen when I played the bully in a school production of Kes. It was really poor. When Kes died, he was a stuffed sparrowhawk with his two legs sticking up, and it just looked really naff. A lad called Colin Fennell was really trying to act his heart out, over this thing, to laughs of derision. People said that I was good, and I really enjoyed the process of trying to get into character, ‘cos I was actually quite a soft kid. So I went on from there.

You got involved in the three main acting outlets in Notts at the time – Acorn, Central Workshop and the Drama course at Clarendon College. What was that like?

I was really lucky. It was a time when they still put money into things. Central Workshop gave me the TV experience. I auditioned about three times; I didn’t know how to audition, really, and I learned that there’s a technique. Acorn was a theatre group run by the Council; we got to go to Edinburgh every year for the Fringe and compete for attention with professional companies. Clarendon primed you for auditioning for drama schools. It was the first time I’d ever received praise, which was crucial; it gave me the belief that I might be able to make a career out of this. All three combined gave me an amazing, free education that kids just aren’t getting today.

What did your family and friends think of your chosen career path?

My dad was a bus driver. My mum called herself a hygienist – that used to make me laugh, because she used to pack soap into boxes. They both worked really, really hard, and I know the last thing they wanted me to do was acting. One of the first jobs I ever did on television was a series called Cardiac Arrest – it was sort of like Scrubs but ahead of its time. The first scene was me totally starkers with a nurse up against a wardrobe. It was a shock for my mum, who always wanted me to be a doctor – she didn’t leave the house for about three months after ‘cos she was so embarrassed...

What was it like going from Sneinton to drama school?

I don’t know what it’s like now, but Sneinton in the eighties was horribly racist. So when I went to LAMDA, I thought I’d have problems with being the only Asian there, but it was actually my class that separated me. I remember walking past a shop with another student, and she said; “Ooh, look at that hat! I must go

in and buy it.” I assumed she’d have to save for it but she went in, bought it, put it on her head and came out. And it was £100!

In 1989! I couldn’t afford to go out but was too embarrassed to admit it. I cleaned the toilets at LAMDA for the cash and, um, I used to fall asleep, with my head hanging over the toilet bowl.

Is it difficult being an Asian actor, especially post 9/11, or has it opened up new avenues? We’ve seen you try to kill Ross Kemp on at least one occasion...

That’s a really hard question to answer, because compared to some actors I get a lot of roles. I could say that it’s been hard being an Asian actor, but it’s an easy out. I’ve had my share of terrorist and bad guy roles, but I’ve had an interesting career from that. At the end of the day, like most actors, I have very little power. I just turn up, audition, and hopefully get the job.

I love to play characters that are complex and interesting, full stop. If that character happens to be a negative one – like a pimp, as I was in Band Of Gold – so be it.

Do you ever think “Ooer, I’m perpetuating a negative stereotype here”?

Well, I don’t see it in a straightforward, ‘Oh no, there is racism’ way, because it can be used as an excuse, which I don’t ever want to do. You are going to run into racism in your life and you are going to meet dicks along the way. You just have to say, okay, they’re a dick. It’s not about me, it’s about them, it’s their problem. We should go on about racism, but I think that we should also celebrate the fact that there are – and this isn’t done enough by black and Asian people – white people who actually stick their neck out and say; ”Y’know what? I don’t want to have anything to do with Nick Griffin. I want to be part a logical society where all us normal people just get on with it.” Because that’s what I want, too.

Do you get recognised in the street much?

I do, but people can’t quite place me a lot of the time. So they go; “Do I know you?” and I’m like; “Well you might have seen me in...” and then they go, “Do you work in that curry house?” Since I started in EastEnders I’m getting properly recognised, which I’m trying to get my head around. I got mobbed by three really big lads in the gym, proper weight trainers, surrounding me and going; “It’s Dr. Khan! It’s Dr. Khan!” while I was lifting the tiniest weights on the rack. They’d actually blocked out the light and it was freaking me out. It’s such a different world that I’m entering

into but I was surprised because I’d only done four episodes, but obviously people watch it.

Are you a big soap fan?

Yeah. Some actors are very snobby about them, but the amount of work you have to do on soaps is immense. Considering the amount of pressure and lack of time I’m staggered by the quality of them, to be honest. I’m very nervous because I’ve only just started, and they don’t tell you anything about how your character is going to develop or end up on a long-term basis. It’s sort of like real life; you don’t know what’s around the corner.

So you don’t know any storylines, and wouldn’t tell us even if you did...

That’s right. I would be hung, drawn and quartered.

What’s it like being on that set in Elstree?

Well, I’ve done Coronation Street, and the set seemed slightly smaller than real life – I felt like a bit of a giant. The houses in Albert Square seem the right size though. The great thing about soaps, as an actor, is that there are cameras everywhere. A lot of dramas will have just the one camera; with soaps there are so many cameras which means everybody has to play at the same time. It’s more organic.

What are the best and worst parts of your job?

The best thing is that I’m doing the thing that I love. The worst is when you’re not working and you’re waiting for the phone call. Auditioning is the hardest part of the job. If I could give any advice to young actors, it’d be to use your time constructively when you’re not acting. Don’t sit there waiting for that phone call; go out and live your life, earn money, do a job, learn a skill, which, you know, you can always apply to your acting.

And tell us one thing about EastEnders that we don’t already know…

Walford doesn’t really exist. It’s not a real place. I know it seems it, but it’s not. If you’re reading this and you still think it’s real, get help.

bbc.co.uk/eastenders

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illustration: Judit Ferencz

The Adventures of Portl and Bill

The aristocracy of Nottinghamshire has produced more than its fair share of mad gets, but – according to Andrew Graves and his alter ego, Mulletproof Poet – The 5th Duke of Portland takes the biscuit, if not the whole packet…

Apparently, only the rich are afforded the luxury of being truly eccentric in this country; the rest of us poor boggers have to make do with being a bit mental. But as eccentrics go, you can’t get much more entertaining than the late great 5th Duke of Portland: failed politician, underground phantom, sartorial nightmare and proper Notts nutter.

The Duke, otherwise known as William John Cavendish-Bentinck-Scott, spent much of his life residing at the once-impressive Welbeck Abbey, taking up the title of Duke when his father died in 1854. Although no-one has been able to pinpoint the beginning of his strange behaviour, certain historians believe it stems from the period up to the assumption of his duties; not only was he shunted up the pecking order upon the sudden death of his older brother, but his one and only marriage proposal was knocked back by the actress Adelaide Kemble.

Whilst his early military career had been nothing less than honourable, his life in the political arena – as a Tory MP for King’s Lynn – had been a notorious disappointment. With a mid-life crisis looming and all other toff-related avenues explored and blocked off, there was nothing else for it but to devote time and money into being a full-time mentalist.

The first thing one would have noticed on the rare occasions that the Duke sallied forth from Welbeck Abbey was his appalling dress sense; it would have had the Victorian equivalent of Gok Wan reaching for his pistol. On a good day, he would wear up to three frock coats – yes, all at the same time – and his wig-encased head would be topped with a two foot-tall stovepipe hat. He would also fasten pieces of string around his ankles, for no apparent reason, finishing off the ensemble with the application of false beards and moustaches.

The Duke’s obvious discomfort with the outside world – there were rumours, never confirmed, of him suffering some sort of skin condition – manifested itself in the extreme lengths he went to in order to remain hidden from the general public. His extremely put-upon valet was the Duke’s sole conduit to the outside world, with tasks ranging from nipping over to Worksop to collect the racing results by telegraph to acting as the go-between for the Duke and his doctors, who were denied actual physical contact with him. Various ailments and symptoms were communicated to the doctors, and the recommended treatments would be sent back.

Predictably, and probably unfortunately for him, he was the biggest employer in the area. He was actually seen as a very decent gaffer for the times, with his workforce being treated and paid well (and being gifted with free umbrellas, something the Duke carried with him whatever the weather), as long as they didn’t look, point at or touch their boss. One worker made the mistake of saluting his painfully shy employer and was sacked on the spot. He also built an ice-rink for his staff, and was extremely narked when it wasn’t used. According to the records of a relative, the Duke “wished his housemaids to skate, and if he found one of them sweeping the corridor or stairs, the frightened girl was sent out to skate whether she wanted to or not”.

The true legacy of the Duke was, by far, his insatiable mania for building projects. He went on a huge rebuilding binge at the Abbey, adding a peach wall that stretched for a thousand yards. a ballroom (that was never used), a mirror-lined riding stable with 4,000 gas lights (where overfed mares grew fat through lack of exercise), and a miniature railway network. What’s more, much of his additions were all built underground, linked by a secretive network of dimly lit tunnels. His subterranean obsession made it difficult to cope with those who – strangely – preferred walking on the ground, in daylight. “Here have I provided for you at enormous expense a clean pathway underground, lighted with gas too, and you will persist in walking above ground”, he said, in a rare outburst.

Even his death – in 1879, in London, at the age of 79 – was bestowed with the Tales of the Unexpected treatment, in the shape of the infamous Druce Case, when it was claimed that not only had he lived a double life as an upholsterer called Thomas Druce, but he’d fathered kids who were, in effect, the heirs to the dukedom. That particular episode took twenty years to clear up and was exposed as false. When the 6th Duke of Portland took residence at the Abbey after his uncle’s death, amongst other things he found hundreds of unframed masterpieces, crammed haphazardly around the edges of the riding stable. There was also an impressive Gobelin’s tapestry which, according to Catherine Caulfield’s book The Man Who Ate Bluebottles and Other Eccentrics, was ‘rolled up and packed with peppercorns in an old tin box’. Whether barmy, reclusive, or simply a rebel with an urge to build, the 5th Duke of Portland remains a truly unique local legend.

Welbeck

by Mulletproof Poet beneath the weight of a century and its spare change seasons beneath the jet fighter trails a future and reason wrapped in ambiguity and garments of wire the house that never rests welcomes or smiles where tunnels spread as arteries pulsing under woodland skin. where bleeding gaslight scabs old wounds and long forgotten things where ghosts of obese horses stare always at themselves where no dancers waltz to memories and distant church bells

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where time takes a holiday and masterpieces hide to consider their tin box options of oil based suicides a recollection of a workforce digs deep and shields its eyes and chambermaids skate eternally, carving stories in the ice where authorities of silence command the passages of age cursing lonely circumstance and a name scrawled on a page where a duke found no peace, company or home but a necessary labyrinth, a forever in which to roam

Don McCalman worked through the dark ages of Nottingham nightlife; a time when door staff were bouncers, a lobbing down a flight of stairs was an acceptable way to deal with an errant customer and the profession was completely unregulated. Then he wrote a book about it...

How long have you been working the doors?

I started over 40 years ago. I’ve worked the Royal Hotel for 27 years, and I used to have 16 doormen on there, because of all the restaurants. I used to run the George Hotel, the Mint Bar, the Ossington in Newark, the Daisy Club and lots more, all over Nottingham. At the Palais, I’ve seen blokes being chucked down the stairs. We were bouncers then. But if you were in a situation where it got out of control and someone was going to hit you with a bottle, then you had to take it further.

How often have you felt in serious danger?

Many times: it’s a dangerous job. I’ve had my son working for me and I was glad when he packed up. The trouble is we’re now getting knives and guns. If you get someone on drugs and he says to you that he’s got a gun, you have to take it seriously.

How do you deal with that fear?

It doesn’t bother me at all. I’m not frightened of anything. When you’re on the door, you can’t back off – if you do, you’d be known as a coward and nobody would work with you. If you’re going to get a beating, you’re going to have to take it. For example, when I was a young man I was doing The Rose on Parliament Street and this guy hit his girlfriend. He was with a load of lads and I got them all out and made sure the girl was all right. She phoned her father and he came down and thanked me. Then when I walked out later, someone hit me from behind. They found me on the dustbin in the morning.

Do you have to consciously keep your emotions under control?

Oh yeah, you have to. One minute it’s “Oh, please mate, please let me in, honest, I’ll behave” and next thing you’re a bastard.

They’ll do everything to get inside you. Spitting in your face, calling you a nonce and all that. They want to get a rise out of you. But you never lose your temper. They go across the road, and they stand there abusing you for a while, and then they go.

Does anybody ever come back and apologise?

Yeah, lots of times. Nice lads will come back the next week.

“Mate, I’m ever so sorry for what I did last week, for swearing at you and all that.” Then they’ll say, can I come in tonight? “Yeah, all right, you can come in.” Or sometimes I’ll say, “No, but thanks for apologising and come back to see me next week.”

So has Nottingham become more dangerous over the years?

It’s mixed. It’s got dangerous from the point of weapons. I think that most of the trouble is to do with “you’re on my patch.” I know people who live in St Ann’s, where I was born, who won’t go in one area because they’re frightened. And because the other bloke’s got a knife, they feel safer with a knife. I’ve been at bars where I’ve seen the jackets sticking up – so you know they’ve got the knife, at the back, in their trousers. Everybody drinks too much now – they don’t know what they’re doing, then they wonder what they’ve done the next day.

Is boozing more of a problem now?

Some people just go out to get drunk and cause trouble and some of the girls get absolutely legless. I’ve gone up Parliament Street and you can see them, she doesn’t know she’s having sex, she doesn’t know anything about it. A girl said to me one night, “I’m gonna slit you and pull your liver out.” I had another woman

try to get a bottle to hit me. So I had to get her arm and say to her “If you do any more, or if you try and kick me again, I’m going to throw you down the stairs.” Sometimes you have to use that sort of attitude to people. You can’t just say to them, now be a good girl and pat them on the head. Because they won’t take that – they’ll have a go at you.

If you were able to pass any new legislation to make Nottingham city centre a safer place to be at night, what would you do?

I’d cut down closing times to how they were before. I think two o’clock in the morning is ample. I would never have increased the drinking time. If you leave the pub at eleven, it still gives you three hours to drink.

Do you get noticed when you’re not on the job?

I was once in Walkabout, and there were about eight lads with baseball hats. I could remember chucking them out of the Royal.

He came over and said “Do you remember us? Do you want to come outside now?” Then suddenly, all the bouncers were around them and they went “Have you got a problem, Don? So I say to these lads, “Have we got a problem?” They went, but in a different circumstance, they’d have followed me.

Your autobiography The Bouncer came out last year. How did it come about?

When I first wrote it, I never thought of selling it. It was just for my family. But people took an interest and I was told to ring this guy called John Parker in London. I sent it down to him and he re-wrote it. He likened it to Saturday Night and Sunday Morning.

The book is even prefaced with; ‘Whatever people say I am, that’s what I’m not’.

I’ve done quite a lot in my life. But being a doorman has cost me.

In what way?

Being who I am, everywhere I go now, I’m on my own.

Everybody knows me as dressed in black, and you get this reputation. When I was a young man, I used to love it, but now it gets very lonely. People can think all sorts – they make you like you’re a gangster and you’re not. I wouldn’t have been the vice-chairman of the Door Watch Committee, for one and I’m well known to the police, as I always did a good job.

You write about being severely bullied as a child. How did that affect you?

When I was a lad, I was really bullied. I was claustrophobic and frightened of going outside. Then when I was about sixteen or seventeen, I saw the guy that used to beat me on Porchester Road. All this hate came inside me and I went and knocked seven bells out of him. Once I did that, I changed from being timid to not being frightened. It was already there, but I was too scared to use it. Then I changed and I was always gang leader.

With my mates, I was always the top man. I had jet black hair and there were all the ladies, of which I had a hell of a lot. But I can always remember my wife saying to me: one day, you’re going to end up on your own. And she was dead right.

The Bouncer is available from DonJohn books for £9.50.

PEOPLE ARE STRANGE,

BY THE DOORS interview: Mike Atkinson photo: David Baird

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FROM DOT TO WHAT? Deborah Stevenson left London to study in Nottingham and find her feet as a festival organiser, founder of Mouthy Poets and one of the UK’s most exciting spoken word acts – all filmed by Channel 4 as part of their Year Dot project. One year after the cameras stopped rolling, she’s still going from strength to strength…

interview: James Walker

What inspires your work?

People. Especially young people. I see myself as an explorer of the sometimes mundane, but always revolutionary, moments in life. John Stuart Mill’s notion of truth as an ever changing landscape has also been important. Whether a blade of grass or a mountain, we all have something to contribute to that landscape. He felt that naivety could be a good thing, because it asked the questions necessary for that landscape to evolve. It is those questions that inspire me and the reason I text friends at 4am to ask stuff such as ‘how do you know when you are wrong?’

Tell us about Year Dot...

It was a project that tried to capture that first defining year in your life when you made decisions that would shape you. There were fifteen of us, and we all kept video diaries. Some were about getting off Prozac, being a teenage parent, aspiring to be professional ballerinas, making it as a female footballer, to becoming a young politician. I applied to be on it and after a long, long process that involved applications, psychological assessments, CRBs, medical tests etc. I was one of the lucky ones selected out of a few thousand.

What was the most difficult thing about being filmed?

The people filming me became my friends, so I would forget they were also working. This meant sometimes when they asked intruding questions I would take it personally and get upset. They wanted to see stress, tension and conflict when I wanted to be amicable so it felt like a fight at times and wasn’t easy. I also felt their editing made me look condescending... but then again, maybe I was.

How did your parents view the recordings, as a lot was filmed at home?

I don’t think they liked it much because a lot of the conflict in the house was between us due to their religion. My parents are strict Mormons. But I’m glad in other ways because the things I said needed to be heard. That is the funny thing about Year Dot; watching it all back again made me realise how much you forget events and reshape them in your head. But the arguments don’t capture their other sides. My Dad went to a posh school with Spike Milligan and my mum used to do the comedy circuit and is believed to have been the inspiration for Patsy Stone in Absolutely Fabulous – minus the drinking! There’s a lot of laughter in the house as well.

You tested out a lot of your poems as part of your video diaries. How did you find the feedback?

I did it more to become comfortable with myself because before that I had hated all footage of me performing. People’s comments helped me refine the words I use and the direction I push them in.

But mostly it was vital in forging contacts. Charlie Dark saw one of the videos and hunted me down and got me work with John Agard and Louis Vuitton. I was published in a limited edition book of 40 copies that retail at £15,000 each.

What was it like once you stopped being filmed for Year Dot? It stopped over a year ago, so I am back into being just Deborah now. But immediately after it was scary, very scary, a little bit of a come down, and quite lonely too. It was a crazy time for me, I worked myself unhealthily hard. When it all ended I basically couldn’t stop crying for a day (from happiness mainly) and then couldn’t stop sleeping for a month. I needed some rest.

Tell us about the Turning Point Festival…

I was brought in to represent poetry but ended up hosting the main stage in front of 2,000, organising and hosting a debate with UK Youth parliament, auditioning and scheduling fifty unsigned acts, organising flash mobs to promote the festival, running a marketplace where young people could sell their designs and scattering workshops across the building. I did all that because I had a point to prove – give young people responsibility and they will rise to it.

Is that why you started your own event in Nottingham?

As part of the Lyric Lounge I worked alongside Andrew ‘MulletProofPoet’ Graves with YARD (Youth Arts Research & Development) at the New Art Exchange. Our job was to help a youth group create pieces inspired by museum objects. It was a fantastic experience and I hadn’t seen anything else like it before in Nottingham and so when the project finished, I was eager to see this kind of work continue. Mouthy Poets was born out of this. It’s specifically for young poets (15-25 years old) and we meet every Friday 5pm-8pm. Unlike other spoken word events, at Mouthy we all help direct the shows, design the flyers, manage the budget and write the poems.

How does the Nottingham scene differ from your London roots?

It is hard to compare because the scene I was part of in London doesn’t exist here, so many of the East London poets had been born out of grime, inspired by Dizzee Rascal and De Ja Vu, the pirate radio station. We were all young and you could tell we were fighting for something. Weirdly I see those same young people in Nottingham but I am yet to find their voices and that may well be because I am looking in the wrong places. You find a lot of rappers on Clumber Street trying to sell you CDs for £3, desperate to get their words heard.

You’re in the last year of a degree. Is this another key turning point for you?

I’m studying Creative and Professional Writing at the University of Nottingham and I love it. I don’t want to leave. There’s so much more I want to do though. An MA, a promotional DVD, work in a wider range of schools and libraries. I want Mouthy to become self-sustainable and able to run successfully without me. To be honest the list is endless but I want to do everything I can to be better at writing and help others do the same because I think it is the key to self-affirmation.

How has dyslexia affected your study and performances?

I don’t see it as a disability or something fighting against me, it is part of who I am, one of many things that I need to utilise to achieve what I want in life. Yes, I read four times slower than the average twenty-year-old, but it also means where other people go straight from a to b, I go via x.

I believe it is that unique journey of understanding that has bred my creativity and I go to great lengths to study and understand dyslexia so I can have control over it, rather than it having control over me. Dyslexia is not something that stops your brain from doing things it’s just that your brain goes about doing them in a different way. Multi-sensory learning is the key; eat, smell, feel, say and see the things you want to learn.

Say Sum Thin by Mouthy Poets takes place from 8pm on Saturday 19 February at Nottingham Playhouse. mouthypoets.wordpress.com leftlion.co.uk/issue39

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FESTIVAL HIGHLIGHTS ME AND THE MACHINE: WHEN WE MEET AGAIN A wearable film and one-to-one performance. This sensuous experience features you, your invisible friend, a 3D soundtrack, an old forgotten dance, the ocean, a flavour and me.

DOG KENNEL HILL PROJECT: PEOPLE WORKING PROJECT Work from a collective who like to question what dance actually is, where it can happen and who can dance.

TOM DALE COMPANY: I INFINITE Set in a white, digitally animated environment, a stark captivating multi-media dance piece where a character locked within finite solutions searches for the infinite.

STREET MARTIAL An open event that brings together innovative physical dance and performance, expect boxing, Capoeira and alternative street dance.

SAMIR AKIKA/UNUSUAL SYMPTOMS: EXTENDED TEENAGE ERA A piece that bucks the trend from traditional theatre performance....’if you’ve forgotten to turn off your mobile phones that’s alright with us’.

See the full programe and book online: www.dance4.co.uk Telephone bookings: Nottingham Playhouse: 0115 941 9419

The Next Step

interview: Alison Kirkman photo: Till Botterweck

Nottdance, run by terpsichorean titans Dance4, is one of the longest-running dance festivals in the UK. To celebrate its 21st birthday, they’re laying out their biggest series of events yet and, according to Chief Executive and Artistic Director Paul Russ, nowhere is off-limits...

Can you begin by explaining what Dance4 and Nottdance are?

In short, Dance4 is an organisation that provides artists and audiences with opportunities to engage in dance. Nottdance is our annual festival; originally conceived for audiences who don’t usually get the opportunity to see a dance performance. Over the years Nottdance has also become an opportunity to showcase international artists here and very much a shop window to the work that Dance4 is doing. There’s always something intriguing as part of the festival and we aim for it to reflect the nature of the city and it’s artistic, cultural scene.

How do you think Nottdance has changed since you took over as artistic director in 2008?

For me it feels important to acknowledge it as a local, as well as an international, festival. We want the community to be intrigued and to feel actively engaged. We’re presenting work in a variety of different contexts and places where people wouldn’t expect to see a dance performance. We’re also having lots of discursive events where we’re inviting the public to throw in their opinion about what they see.

Which venues will people be able to see Nottdance performances in?

There will be a performance in the Broadmarsh Centre – a free event on a Sunday afternoon. There’s also a performance by Simon Ellis and his company that will take place across the city centre. It’s a silent piece called Leaving and is right at the end of the festival, so we’ll be winding up and exploring the notions of how people leave and what they take with them. It’s a really beautiful, soft piece that might go unnoticed, or could be quite stark for people as they walk through the city. We’ll also be presenting work at Nottingham Contemporary, in a few spaces at Lakeside and we’re working with Hopkinson Gallery, putting on some discussions and mini-events. We’re trying to break free of all the traditional spaces and encourage people to see dance in a different way.

Can you recommend one event for a complete novice to attend?

I would say Samir Akika/Unusual Symptoms with Extended Teenage Era. It’s full of wit and charm, it’s highly physical – with lots of people moving and dancing – but it’s got a wicked sense of humour and is really thought-provoking.

A lot of high-profile artists are taking part – Lea Anderson and Charles Linehan are the standouts. How did you get them involved?

Lea is a new one at the festival but Charles has been attached to Dance4 for a long time now. We invited him not only to showcase some work, but also to help us curate one of the evenings. Lea Anderson is an artist who’s made a really significant contribution to dance in the UK. For this year’s festival I wanted established makers in the UK to acknowledge that Nottdance is an important part of the dance infrastructure here. So I approached Lea and asked her to make a contribution in some small way and hopefully over future years she’s going to do more work in Nottingham. It’ll be really exciting to see her work develop here, because of the nature of it not only being in theatres but in lots of peculiar places.

Do you have a personal attachment to Nottingham?

I’m from Burton-on-Trent originally; a little town in the middle of nowhere, not much of an artistic scene, but not too far away.

I arrived in Nottingham as a student and felt like I’d hit the metropolis. There was so much to go and see, so much to do.

Because I was studying performance and dance at Trent, I very quickly uncovered the delights of Dance4. I even volunteered on Nottdance for a couple of years back in the mid-nineties.

For a city the size of Nottingham we have lots going for us and when you look at other comparative cities – even bigger cities like Manchester – there aren’t half as many things as we have. People should feel thrilled about that, because it is really exciting.

Dance has been in the public eye over the last few years with Strictly Come Dancing and Britain’s Got Talent. How do you feel about that?

I thoroughly enjoy them! Whether that’s a cool thing to say or not, I don’t know. But if it means people are talking about dance, watching it, engaging with it, and having a critical eye on it, I think that’s fantastic. The notion of people having dance in their lives has improved because of those shows. There are some really impressive statistics about dance being one of the most desired sports in schools now too, so it’s not only seen as an art form but as a physical activity.

What would you say to people who think dance is an elitist art form?

I think there are elements of dance that are elitist, but there’s nothing too wrong with that. Having elite dancers and elite performance work is about celebrating the best of what people can achieve. As an organisation we strive to make things accessible and understandable to the population at large, by creating ways to show that everyone can get something out of that fantastic work.

Do you think there’s still a stigma attached to being a male ballet dancer?

It’s significantly less of a problem but I think there will always be a bit of a stigma. But I think that’s one of the good things about the dance on television now. It’s helping to break down some of those notions that dance isn’t really for men. At Dance4 we have a lot more boys now engaging in dance, and lots more parents are supportive of their sons doing so.

What music have you heard recently that made you want to shake your arse?

Well, you can’t beat a bit of New Order. But one artist I’ve been listening to a lot is Janelle Monáe. Her video for Tightrope is just great. It is a bit pretentious – all those pop videos really are – but the movement is fantastic. That tune has certainly had me moving in the last few days.

Fred Astaire or Michael Jackson?

It has to be Fred Astaire. I can’t possibly vote for Michael Jackson.

Jane Torvill or Christopher Dean?

That’s a hard question as they come as a pair, but I would say Christopher Dean was the better choreographer.

Anything else you’d like to say to LeftLion readers?

Nottingham is a fantastically funky, creative, intriguing and innovative place that has a kind of worldly view. I think Nottdance really reflects a sense of what the city is and who the people here are. So come down and enjoy what’s undoubtedly going to be a fantastic festival.

Dance4 takes place across various venues from 23 February – 13 March. dance4.co.uk

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Rather listen to the tunes on this page than read about ‘em? Better wrap your tabs round Sound Of The Lion, our dedicated music podcast, available at leftlion.co.uk/SOTL. If you want your own tunes reviewed and you’re from Notts, hit up leftlion.co.uk/sendusmusic

Alberto Veto

Alright The Captain

Into Glory Ugly Heart (Cabaret Beatings, LP) Alberto Veto have so many words waiting to burst out of them that they often go at it at a thousand miles per hour just to fit them all in. It’s these literate new wave thrills that give them the edge over other bands ploughing a similar furrow. Their songs are fiercely intelligent, yet still stay musically exciting and are all the better for it. Opener American Porn is a spiky, sugary rush that makes you feel like you have just poured a massive bag of popping candy into your mouth and washed it down with a bottle of Lucozade. It’s a feeling that continues with the explosive, flamenco-scented guitars of Happiness and on through the rest of the album, which brings to mind the theatrical indie-pop of The Associates and other like-minded, intelligent souls who breathed life into the 80s music scene.

Only on the closing song Since We Withdrew does the album slow down; a grand, emotional, end-of-the-party style address with mourning slide guitars. With its intelligent lyrics powered by arty indie rock that rarely drops in pace, Into Glory Ugly Heart is a thrillingly enjoyable listen from beginning to end.

Paul Klotschkow Available online.

albertoveto.bandcamp.com

Dick Venom and the Terrortones

Dick Venom and the Terrortones (Self Released, EP) With a band name like Dick Venom and the Terrortones, it’s difficult to know what to expect; it’s a moniker that could imply either the worst music you’ve ever heard or some kind of psychotic brilliance. Luckily it’s the latter and the song titles of this three-track demo meet at the axis point of hilarity and horror, much like the music finds the midway mark between 1970s punk and 1950s rock and roll. Opener Rock ‘n’ Roll Vampire is completely metaphor-free; it really is about a theoretical Nosferatu with a penchant for power chords. “I have to bite, it’s who I am” growls Venom, over a curious punk rock riff that seems to be just too slow.

The subject matter of the stomach-churningly-titled Stench Trench is self-explanatory, but easily the best song here is the closer Attack Of The 50ft Frankenbride. Aside from being their heaviest tune on the demo, it’s got the most swagger as well.

But Venom and company are as much about the visual as they are about the music and their unpredictable stage presence is part of what makes them special. This is certainly an impressive demo, but they are a peerless live act well worth catching too. Gareth Hughes Available from gigs.

The Burt Bacharak Fight Club

Snib (Field Records, LP)

myspace.com/venomandtheterrortones

Whether you try to pigeonhole Alright The Captain as math, post or progressive rock, it doesn’t matter.

What they do is take elements from all those genres - the odd time signatures, choppy guitar lines, syncopated rhythms, unusual song structures - and weld them together, creating a sound that is undoubtedly experimental and fresh.

More importantly it never looks down its nose at the listener; if anything, when the songs kick up a gear, like during the mind-melting moments of Soundtrack Your Death, it’s the sound of a band inviting the listener into their world. From one song to the next, you don’t know where this album will take you; there’s disturbing fuzzy bass, trippy guitar squeals, sheer white noise and even hints of thrash metal. The heaviness is counteracted by often tranquil, delicate passages that keep the album flowing along. Snib is like taking a trip to the moon and back, but the space shuttle’s GPS is knackered, so you end up veering off course and land on some tantalisingly unknown planet, and in true Captain Kirk style, start getting your groove on with all the cool looking alien chicks. It’s totally out there - not in a chin-stroking way, but in a punching the air, chest-beating, celebratory “we love music” way. It’s sick, nasty, ill and ballin’. Paul Klotschkow Available online and at gigs.

alrightthecaptain.tumblr.com

Kill Popular (Self Released, EP)

The world is obsessed with nostalgia, as if the only way to experience life is through images of the past. There is only one way to be truly futureproof, and that is to sound like you’ve come from the future. Stepping out of the TARDIS, ladies and gentlemen: The Burt Bacharak Fight Club. Claustrophobic yet confident, the Kill Popular EP is an accomplished and complete record. Sounding like the soundtrack to a sci-fi horror film, BBFC have the sneer and acerbic wit of Public Image Ltd driven along by the immediate and relentless energy of Primal Scream, yet with a refreshing and forward-thinking twist. Opening track Blight starts as a haunting post-punk warning, before building into an infectious and schizophrenic piece of pop. Fuck Your Band is the sound of Mark E Smith receiving electric shock therapy, while Dr Superb is a fuzzy and frantic dose of super-new wave more than worthy of it’s name. Closer In The Miso Soup perfectly encapsulates the band: a delicate balance between eloquence and pogoing pop-punk fun. I’d call them one of Nottingham’s finest and most interesting bands, but it doesn’t sound like they’re from around here. More likely from Mars than Mansfield Road, The Burt Bacharak Fight Club sound like three twisted and weathered Anime characters that have seen the future, and brother it is murder! Andrew Trendell Available online.

theburtbacharakfightclub.bandcamp.com

Fists

Ascending / Stag (Hello Thor, 7”) Fists are one of those rare bands that bring about a sense of excitement and anticipation in just about everything they do, and this fine slice of 45 is no different. Ascending is a loose fitting country ditty all dressed up in scuffed cowboy boots and its best western shirt, as slacker guitars, bred in the early 90s, hold together the rather sweetly sung melody. When the glorious, soaring guitars kick in for the final time they launch the song high above the clouds and it stays at those heady heights until its dizzying end. A hypnotising, helium-filled slice of indiepop. Doom-laden, ominous drums that sound like they are straight out of sessions for The Cure’s Pornography open Stag, before the song skulks around like the Velvet Underground looking for a fight. There is a tangible air of menace throughout as caustic, rusty, barbed guitars square up to lyrics about ashtrays getting thrown around and teeth being spit out on to the carpet. This is the darkness to the flip-side’s light. There is something off-centre, yet captivating about this song and when a chorus of voices reaches out through the darkness against the backdrop of piercing guitar notes, it only adds to the strange and unsettling atmosphere. It is this sense of unease that makes the song so compelling. Paul Klotschkow Available online and from all good record stores. fistsmusic.blogspot.com

Long Dead Signal

Long Dead Signal (Self Released, EP) Long Dead Signal are considered one of the local bands expected to step up another notch in 2011, and rightly so. Likening themselves to Buckley, Radiohead and Muse (and these comparisons, it has to be said, are spot on), their self-titled EP roars through six tracks from intricate guitars and distorted vocals at breakneck tempo, through to calmer melodies backed by inspired effects and riffs. Again & Again and Asleep at the Wheel demonstrate a vocal range with which Matt Bellamy himself has long been associated, with guitar reverb and a thunderous bass really igniting the atmosphere. In contrast to these thrashing tracks, A Question of Violence is a slower insertion that comes with a sinister guitar hook and an intense timbre. There is yet more drama to follow with Fight Or Flight, spiralling back to a Queens of the Stone Age-esque riff while puzzling background effects create a surreal sound to the track. With a shopping list of 2011 Nottingham dates to their name, catch them while you can. Their simply unique image - what looks like a cross between a Jim Henson fantasy and Alice in Wonderland is almost reason enough to see them live.

Nik Storey Available from gigs.

myspace.com/longdeadsignal

Skiman

Afterdark (Elementz Productions, Mixtape) Skiman’s second mixtape set steps into the realms of dubstep and grime.

He sets out his stall with opening track Walk On, leading into the warning beeps of Star Wars-sampling single Darkside’s intro. This gives way to a bassline crushing enough to turn the Death Star into an Imperial trifle. Skiman’s versatility really shines on this sophomore release; Too Hard sounds like Boy In Da Corner-era Dizzee. There are also hard, angsty bars over Lil Wayne’s Drop the World beat, which contrasts with the party-time punchlines he drops on club tune Mine. It’s like listening to a track by Devlin followed by a Chipmunk chart hit - except Skiman makes these songs specifically his own.

Sorry sees a guest turn from fellow Elementz collaborator and all-round Nottingham legend, Karizma, with Starkey’s dubby bassline and relentless string sample providing a beat different to Karizma’s usual offerings. For the closing track Try Me, Skiman flips genres and goes straight hip-hop. This gem from producer Onra sounds like a fight between a mariachi band, the Trojan back catalogue and a Vietnamese phrase book.

Awesome! Then, after just 25 minutes, your time’s up. Fast, fun, and definitely not forgettable, you’ll be left reeling from a mixtape crammed with finely chosen beats and even finer raps. See our interview with Skiman on page 10.

Shariff Ibrahim Available to download for free from theelementz.co.uk. myspace.com/skimanonthisting

Sleaford Mods

Some Skeletons

The Originator (Deadly Beefburger Records, LP)

Kypes/ Pests/ Throats (Self Released, EP)

It’s hard to tell whether this is meant to be a punk record, rap, or some iconoclastic spoken word art project. What you can be sure of, though, is that over the sixteen tracks, the aforementioned Lincolnshire stylist goes on a no-holds-barred acidic rampage, attacking everyone from Paul Weller to Cheryl Cole to Damon Albarn to Lily Allen to, well, just about anyone who has been in the public eye over the past couple of years. These mouthing-offs aren’t just saved for those who show up in the tabloids; the people of Nottingham also get it in the neck, most notably on Whack It Up Bruv, where local clothing label One True Saxon and Dealmaker Records are singled out for a verbal bashing. Like The Streets, this album focuses on the grubby dramas of everyday life - although it’s more like Irvine Welsh hanging around the Broadmarsh Centre than a Brummie skulking outside a late-night kebab house. Musically, SM spits vitriol over short Northern Soul samples, dub or British punk-aping circular guitar motifs. Whether this is in homage to the mod lifestyle or as a way of undermining it, you can’t be too sure. It’s fair to say that this is the North Notts answer to The Fall’s Mark E Smith - scathing, sarcastic and thoroughly enjoyable. Paul Klotschkow Available online.

Formed from the ashes of Thousands of Reflections, Some Skeletons have created an adrenalin shot of explosive emotive altrock on their debut EP. Kypes is unfortunately over as soon as it’s started but, in that short space of time, autumnal notes of guitar give way to introspective fuzz and vocal harmonies. Second track Pests packs more of a punch as it twitches like a man possessed between speakerfrazzling power chords, sonic wall of noise churning guitars and the odd moment of tranquillity. The EP ends with Throats, a widescreen Molotov cocktail that contains enough force and power in its opening moments to bring down a small army.

Hints of The Pixies and Fugazi definitely lie in their aural assault, whilst Sonic Youth influences are stamped all over the song structures. But listening to these three tracks, a closer touchstone and more obvious connection would be Idlewild or the more obscure American Football, especially in the way Some Skeletons manage to fuse together bombast, melody, emotion and cranium-crunching riffs. The only downside is that it’s all too short - but I guess this is a good excuse to go and put it on again. Paul Klotschkow Available online or at gigs.

someskeletons.com

myspace.com/sleafordmods leftlion.co.uk/issue39

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Write Lion

With Valentine’s Day looming and Spring pratting about ‘round the corner, Deborah Stevenson wrestles with betrayal and vomit, Di Slaney ventures on a dog walk in the great outdoors, and Maria Taylor and Anne Holloway remind us that memory can play tricks – sometimes quite sensuous lemony ones!

To submit poems to WriteLion or ask about our spoken word night Shindig! (Jam Café, Sunday 20 March 7pm), please email poetry@leftlion.co.uk – for all other wordy matters contact books@leftlion.co.uk.

Eakring Brail - Spring

Love Poem

Remembered Lemons

Seldom reluctant now, air thick with sounds pricks up your ears like Shrek. Our pace quickens at full extension, your face smudged brown from rich mounds

You vomited on my skirt.

You told your mum they were my cigarettes.

You tell me my boyfriend Tarik is a pussy.

Amongst grapefruit and limes are waxed lemons, their essence sealed.

Plump Technicolor hybrids, lit by harsh strips above.

This bar-coded fruit will be sliced and dropped into a drink or quartered as garnish on a pub plate.

It does not stir memories of longing.

by Di Slaney

by Deborah Stevenson

and hedgerows ripe for rummage. Eye out for fairweather neighbours with wintershy dogs, I nearly trample two locked-on frogs that make you jump. There’s more goings on in Top Field – fat dozy bees stumbling around a sprinkle of yellow stars bump the Red Admiral flotilla. Nothing mars your joy, quivering like the pink ribbons on trees that mark some village rumour, but home beckons me. I dread the heat that is to come.

Topography

by Maria Taylor And I think I remember the last time I saw the terraces, because it may have been the first. Victorian windows shaped like tombstones, tenants missing.

I could never place these streets on a map, as I’m not sure they ever existed, a little like a two-mooned sky in a small child’s dream.

So many times I have mistaken films for memories, still the houses fix themselves.

Then...

But harboured me and my brother in for months through the divorce.

Then...

But you came to Bristol, Edinburgh, Norwich, wherever I’d perform, Then...

But you furnished hot Hennessey and lemon, rang to claim nothing, when the world aborted me...

Then...

And everyone’s saying I should hit you.

Everyone says I should hit you.

But we’re parallel in Victoria Park public loos, Near the swings to use to cue to get to, And you are being Sick on my skirt.

Because they accidentally gave you too much Anaesthetic in the termination.

I gag my jumper around your thighs Before you can understand the blood, Tell you it’s cold.

Don’t tell you I know the baby Was my pussy of a boyfriend’s.

Syringe-like-voices screaming I should swing for you…

I still don’t know if I will.

But for now I’ll cradle your hair And direct your head to the toilet.

by Anne Holloway

I remember that film where a girl, stripped to her waist, rubbed lemons on her skin.

Her back to the camera, us watching, breathing-in-deep to catch the perfume of citrus from the screen.

I remember lemons growing outside the window mis-shapen mis-coloured zest warmed, then pitted by rain.

Ready to drop or be plucked, twisted from the stem staining fingers with invisible yellow, their scent.

Those remembered lemons carry with them the call of cicadas in the afternoon and the lightness of cool sheets on warm skin.

A Tribute to Zed Beddington

Hearing Voices (Volume 2)

The Silent Land

Zed Beddington is the King of British Blues, still touring the UK’s pub scene despite not having a hit for several decades. He’s also a middle-aged, tight-fisted, womanising heroin addict, loathed by his band mates.

So far, so rock ‘n’ roll; however, when Zed doesn’t show for a gig in his old mate’s Derbyshire pub, the story takes a number of unexpected turns taking in all manner of crimes and misdemeanours. Told from the perspective of the band’s likeable (but slightly paranoid) bassist Bill Silverthwaite, Nick Wray crafts a compelling tale of sex, drugs and deceit around the faded glory of touring the country’s small pubs and dank function rooms in a Transit van. His avoidance of the clichés that plague a lot of musical anecdotes (both fiction and biography) makes the book extremely readable; even when you think you’ve sussed the next twist, Wray surprises you again.

Pete Lamb mamtor.com

This is the second instalment of a threeissue literary magazine series from Crystal Clear Creators, showcasing a range of writing talent and experience from the East Midlands alongside submissions from all over the world. The latest edition is guest-edited by Sue Mackrell and David McCormack and features short stories and poetry from 35 different writers on topics as diverse as George Gershwin and Your Toe-Nail. The editors are keen to stress that “Work has been selected not for particular styles or themes, but as a showcase for writers who have something new to say, and who say it in a way which surprises, delights, and engages us.” Crystal Clear Creators is looking for submissions for the third and final publication in April, with a closing date of 1 March 2011. There is a submissions guide on the publications page of their website. So get scribbling! Aly Stoneman crystalclearcreators.org.uk

Jake and Zoe are a happily married couple enjoying a skiing holiday when disaster strikes; an unexpected avalanche leaves them buried under snow. Fortunately, they manage to dig themselves out and make their way back to their hotel, only to find it is empty. Although this is a little eerie, they rationalise that the place must have been evacuated and that perhaps it’s a blessing to have the whole place to themselves. As you would expect from multiple World Fantasy Award winner Joyce, things are not quite as they seem. The candles on the table are alight but do not burn down, and the freshly left meat in the kitchen does not decay. There is a reason for their liminality and discovering it will bring closure. This is a beautiful, inspiring read championing the ability of memory to conjure stories, meaning we are never alone and love cannot die. Superb. James Walker orionbooks.co.uk

Nick Wray Mamtor, £8.99

Crystal Clear Creators Subscription for 3 issues costs £8

Graham Joyce Orion, £9.99

Katie Half-Price

‘Ayup duckies, I’m the woman wi’ whoppers like spacehoppers who gets gee’en books when I flop ‘em aht, LOL’ City of Sin: London and Its Vices

In a Strange Room

The Grand Design

Although Notts has gorra wicked doggin’ scene (Colwick race prk, 2am this Sat, bring your own crisp bag), it’s norra patch on our capital. The previous books wor abaht nutters and death, but the third book in ‘er London trilogeh is 2,000 yrs of filth. Unlike a lot of historeh books, this one in’t borin’.

That’s cuz instead of dwellin’ on stuff, she gees yer fact after fact abaht all the weird stuff them Cocknehs gerrup to, such as Chace Pine, who invented a machine that cud whip forteh folk at once. Nowadayz we’ve lost us imagination – instead of smashin’ arses, inventers prefer to smash particles togever in things like that bleedin Hadron Collider that cost 4.4 bil. BTW: Cat Arnold is also a councillor, which goes to prove that yer don’t have to be a borin’ bastard to be a politician. simonandschuster.co.uk

This book wor shortlisted for the Booker Prize, which means it had to be weird in some way. It’s weird cuz it does that thing that all them posh aufers do and tries ta mek misery sound wicked. Basicalleh, this guy goes travelling through Greece, India and Africa and at the end of each of his journehs, there’s sum kinda disaster like folk dyin’ etc. He’s a right bleddy jinx! I’d prefer to go on holiday with John Stape out of Corro than gerran Easyjet flight with Galgut. I can sympathise with the alienation and dislocation felt by the main character, cuz we all ger a bit miserable wen we go away, specialleh if yer can’t find a pub that plays British soaps, but sometimes yer just have ta face facts: if yer searching for love but it brings misereh ta other folk, stop in, gerra webcam, and crack one off on chatroulette instead. atlantic-books.co.uk

The great thing abaht using complex theories is that ordinary folk an’t gorra clue what yer gooin’ on wi’, so yer can just write worrever yer like, which is exactly what our favourite Transformer has been doin’ with his last few books – rehashin’ the same ode ideas under different titles. Which ter be fair is what most authors do anyway when they gerrin ter double figures. Hawking is always harpin’ on abaht quantum physics or M-Theoreh, probableh cuz it means that in a parallel universe he’s actually Peter Andre or nobbin’ Kerry Katona (preferableh in the dayz b4 Mark Croft).

Personaleh, I fink Hawking is an inspiration to us all cuz he managed ta marry his nurse, which int bad for someone who can only move one eyelid. It wud be gud ta see him jack in writin’ abaht the same old shite and pal up with Radiohead again, like he did on Fitter Happier. booksattransworld.co.uk

Catharine Arnold Simon and Shuster, £14.99

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Damon Galgut Atlantic, £15.99

Stephen Hawking and Leonard Mlodinow Transworld, £18.99

LEFTLION LISTINGS February – March 2011

TICKETS ON-LION Buying tickets for events in Notts? From the latest DJs at Stealth to the latest bands at venues like Spanky Van Dykes and The Rescue Rooms, you can get them all through our website, at no extra cost. Even better, thanks to our partnership with gigantic.com, every time you buy one through us some of the funds will go towards LeftLion and a bit more goes to those nice folks at Oxfam.

featured listings...

RHYS' PIECES Gruff Rhys is best known as the singer of the Super Furry Animals, but he’s also a documentarian, solo artist and plastic bottle modeller. Guess which one of those skills he’ll be demonstrating at the Glee Club this Feb? interview: Paul Klotschkow photo: Mark James

leftlion.co.uk/tickets

THE LIGHT FANTASTIC

It’s that time of year once again when town says ‘Sod It’ to the ‘leccy bill and puts on all kinds of live music, light installations, and street performers. Yes, Light Night is back, and on the cards this time are secret gardens, spooky terror tours, live jam sessions, treasure trails with a twist and other things in the city that you never knew existed.

Free indoor events this year include live poetry at both Edins (from the DIY Poets) and Antenna (from Nottingham Writers’ Studio), choral shows at St Peter’s and St Mary’s churches, a piano tag team event at the Royal Concert Hall, stand-up at Hopkinson Gallery, a ukulele show in Exchange Arcade and a lycra-clad dancer saving the world at Broadway.

Outside there’s Samba, light projections, Twinkly Tales from Nottingham’s premiere toddler-exciters Bongo Bongo and a screening of Jack Goldstein’s Jump outside the Contemporary. Eziekel Bone’s Looking Glass Tour will be full of horrible history, cultural curiosities and fascinating facts - from haunted caves and headless ghosts to Robin Hood, Oliver Twist, Victorian burglars, execution and more!

Tickets available at £5 from bonecorporation.co.uk.

And don’t forget the Bromley House Library garden - an oasis of tranquillity in its surprisingly central location.

As well as enjoying the evening’s spectacles you can also take advantage of late night offers, including discounted travel, bar and restaurant deals all across town. mynottingham.gov.uk/lightnight

ALT FICTION Unless you’ve been living under a rock for several years, you’ll have noticed that science fiction, fantasy and horror have become kind of big news. True, we may have suffered tat like Twilight as a result, but there’s much more good than bad. Luckily, that’s a trend that has carried on to books, which is what Alt. Fiction is all about. So what’s the key to success for a writer in this field?

Unfortunately, there isn’t a secret handshake but you can attend the Alt.Fiction writing weekends. The first is in Nottinghamshire from 25 - 27 February at Diamond House, a fantastic listed building; there’ll be a range of workshops, discussions, feedback and advice. Plus to top it all off, guest speakers steampunk author George Mann and horror and young adult writer Sarah Pinborough – will help illuminate the way to fame and fortune! Well, a book deal, let’s not get too carried away…

Just £180 for your accommodation, meals and a fantastic writing activities - surely a far better way to spend your Christmas money than in the DFS sale. altfiction.co.uk/the-programme writingeastmidlands.co.uk

For even more listings, check our up to date online section at leftlion.co.uk/listings.

If you want to get your event in this magazine and on our website, aim your browser at leftlion.co.uk/add.

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Your new solo album is called Hotel Shampoo, due to the fact that you’ve built up a substantial collection of hotel toiletries.

How did you become such a kleptomaniac?

I lead a quite mundane, normal life, so when I go on tour I find it too good to be true. I just started collecting hotel shampoo bottles as mementos when I was on tour. I started doing it in 1995 and didn’t think it would last such a long time. It’s kind of got out of hand.

What became of the tank that the Super Furry Animals used during the Radiator period?

We actually bought that tank from an arms dealer just south of Nottingham – he has a field full of armed vehicles. We ended up selling the tank to Don Henley from The Eagles, as we couldn’t afford to keep it. He collects tanks on his farm in Texas. When we had it, Creation Records kept it on a farm. We all had a go at driving it and we kitted it out with a massive sound system.

Where do you keep them all?

Around the house. Around two years ago, when I was writing the new album, I ended up building a hotel out of them. I became obsessed with building this actual shampoo hotel; it was a way of giving the songs context. The bottles inspired me to think of song titles, so I started to come up with imaginary products.

Any fond memories of playing Notts?

I’ve played Rock City a few times, but the venue I’m playing this time around is in a new part of town for me. One of my favourite Robin Hood-inspired songs is by Steeleye Span, called Gamble Gold (Robin Hood). It’s very weird – part of the short-lived genre of glam folk. I sometimes play the song when I’m DJing.

If you hadn’t been a musician, would you have had the urge to see so many places?

I don’t think the travelling would be possible; I’d have to find a way to pay the bills, so it would be harder to leave the one place.

I do feel very lucky to be able to get to see so much of the world.

What keeps you going? How do you find the inspiration to keep creating?

Before I was in Super Furry Animals I was in another band for seven years. I released my first record in 1994. I started singing when I was 25. There was no real pressure; it was just playing music for the sake of it, and then somehow we got signed. I was used to playing to no-one and making records that don’t sell for a really long time. So now I’m happy to do gigs to five people, I don’t see what I do as a career. I just like to make music and if I make a record that more than ten people hear, that gets me very excited.

I don’t feel any pressure to be popular; maybe that’s why I’m still able to do this.

What are your favourite places to visit?

I’m not fussy, I don’t really have a favourite. Everywhere is good in some way. It’s more about the people – if I meet good people then it doesn’t matter if I don’t see the sights.

What was it like travelling to Argentina to track down a longlost relative for the recent documentary Seperado?

For a while I tried to persuade people to give me the cash to go to Argentina to investigate, but no-one would. Then in 2004 our old record label gave SFA £15,000 to make a video. I don’t think they truly believed it as it took five years to make, and by the time it was finished we were no longer on the label. It was an amazing experience making it – much harder than I anticipated. I had no idea of the work involved. It ended up taking five years to make.

Did you get to make any music whilst you were there?

I played with a few Argentinean musicians when I was there.

I’ve actually recorded the soundtrack to Seperado, which I plan to release sometime soon. I have seven new tracks, one in English and six in Welsh, plus four to five instrumentals. It’s all ready, it just needs a sleeve. I should really get round to putting it out.

Now you’re not tied to a major label, what’s the process like when releasing a new album?

It’s a palaver. Even once the music has been recorded, it takes a few months to sort out the sleeve, then you have the press and interviews to sort out. My last record was with Tony da Gatorra – The Terror of Cosmic Loneliness – and it took three years to come out. I finished Hotel Shampoo last March and it’s only just coming out nearly a year later.

If you were to die and be reincarnated, what would you like to come back as?

Something useful to society, like a rubbish tip or a hospital.

Any final words?

Always keep your keys with you so you don’t lose them. Happy New Year to you.

When’s the cut-off point for saying that to people?

I don’t think that there is one - cultures around the world all celebrate a different New Year, so there’s a different New Year’s Day every month of the year. Happy New Year!

Gruff Rhys plays at The Glee Club on Monday 21 February.

Tickets are £13.50. gruffrhys.com / glee.co.uk/nottingham

music event listings...

Tuesday 01/02

Saturday 05/02

Jonathan Millet The Malt Cross

Limehouse Lizzy Rock City £12, 7pm

Glastonbudget Festival Audition The Maze £4, 7.30pm

Thursday 03/02 Ben Weaver and Quiet Loner The Maze £10, 7.30pm Wire and Madensuyu The Rescue Rooms £14, 7.30pm Little Comets and The Big Sleep The Bodega £6, 7pm Emily Martin and Jody Betts The Golden Fleece DJ Marky Dogma

Friday 04/02 Sad Day for Puppets The Bodega £5, 7pm Rebel Soul Collective Moog

Funeral Party The Bodega £7.50, 7pm Shake and Bake JamCafé Benefit for Bolivia Deux £10, 5pm - late With Salmagundi, Dirty Dollar Blues Band and Zulu Road.

Sunday 06/02 The Bravery The Rescue Rooms £10, 7pm One True Saxon The Maze £4, 7.30pm Leen Vally Band and Helen Morris.

Amnes Tea The Golden Fleece Plus Attack of the Analogue Automatons and April Elizanbeth.

Monday 07/02

Farmyard Presents - Injured Birds JamCafé

I Like Trains and Napoleon Illrd The Bodega £7, 8pm

Fresh Produce The Maze £4, 7.30pm

Liam O’Kane and The Stabilizers The Maze £4, 7.30pm

The Big Dig The Golden Fleece

Pesky Alligators The Half Crown

Scorzayzee The Rescue Rooms £9, 8pm Plus Phi-Life Cypher and Inkrument

Tuesday 08/02

Saturday 05/02 Poundaflesh and Bullet Ridden .

Doghouse Studios £5, 8pm - late Man Like Me Stealth £5, 10.15pm

Teddy Thompson and David Ford The Rescue Rooms £13, 7pm Patterns in Static The Malt Cross NME Awards Tour 2011 Rock City £16.94, 7pm With Crystal Castles, Magnetic Man, Everything Everything and The Vaccines.

for more: leftlion.co.uk/listings

THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR

Wholesome Fish and Northern Quarter give it some for Greenpeace at The Maze in March It’s been twenty two years since the second incarnation of Greenpeace’s iconic Rainbow Warrior was launched, after the first one was sunk by sneaky French gets. In that time she has been bombed, rammed, boarded by police and impounded, whilst bearing witness to environmental injustice across the world - including documenting oil spills like the Exxon Valdez, exposing illegal rainforest destruction or campaigning against the burning of coal in the battle against climate change. To put it bluntly, she’s been through a hell of a lot and it’s now time for her to retire.

This means Greenpeace are currently raising funds to build a brand spanking new Rainbow Warrior designed for campaigning around the world 21st century style. The new ship will be a purpose-built hybrid boat with a sail area equal to four and a half tennis courts, will be heated by recycling the heat from the engines and will recycle grey water. She will fulfil the highest environmental standards and stand as an example of what can be done.

Nottingham Greenpeace Supporters Group want to celebrate the victories of the Rainbow Warrior and help raise funds for the new ship by putting on a night of live music and entertainment. The benefit gig takes place on 3 March at The Maze and will feature the bluegrass via punk sounds of Wholesome Fish and the gorgeous and gently melodic warmth of Northern Quarter. On top of that there will also be spoken word sets and roving troubadours.

Not only is this going to be a top night out involving some of Notts best live acts, you will also be helping to raise money for a worthy cause and making a positive impact lasting much longer than your hangover the next morning.

Greenpeace Benefit gig is on Thursday 3 March at The Maze, 257 Mansfield Road, NG1 3FT. Tickets are £4 in advance from The Maze website, Windblowers on Derby Road or by emailing greenpeacenotts@gmail.com. themazerocks.com

greenpeace.org.uk/groups/nottinghamshire

Wednesday 09/02

Friday 11/02

Sunday 13/02

Lulu and The Lampshades The Bodega £6, 7pm

Hip Hop Night Moog

Wolf People The Bodega £7, 7pm

Japan Underground The Central £6, 7.30pm

Thursday 10/02 DIY Poets - Maniére Des Bohémians The Maze £2, 8pm Jonny The Bodega £7.50, 7pm Mucus Mules and Ali Bonsai The Golden Fleece British Sea Power The Rescue Rooms £13.50, 7.30pm Blame Dogma

Basslaced Stealth £10 / £12, 10pm - 5am Datsik, DJ Hype, Redlight, 16bit, Original Sin, Chasing Shadows, Bok Bok, Jamie Grind, Dream and Integral, Epworth and Ballen Standfast, MC’s Daddy Earl, Dread, Script and Karizma.

The Good Natured The Bodega £5, 7pm

Saturday 12/02 Anathema The Rescue Rooms £15, 6.30pm WorldService Project Cafe Bar Contemporary Hold Your Horse Is The Maze £4/£5, 7pm - 10pm Plus Mojo Fury, Worselings and When A Train Hits A Truck

GLEE HEE HEE

Knights of the Abyss Rock City

The city’s southernmost comedy club drops its Spring lineup Branding the arse of the Waterfront with a hot poker of laughter and music since the minute it opened last year, The Glee Club refuses to rest on its laurels just ‘cos it’s cold and dark out - They’re welcoming the run up to spring with a bounce in their heels. Their comedy line-up includes Jon Richardson Edinburgh Comedy Award nominee, regular Have I Got News For You panelist and star of Live At The Apollo - who brings his new show to town on Thursday 17 February. It’s Not Me, It’s You features the best bits from Jon’s critically acclaimed Edinburgh show Don’t Happy Be Worry plus some brand new material.

Ultrasound The Bodega £8.50, 7pm

Monday 14/02 Miles Kane The Bodega £7.50, 7pm Feeder Rock City £20, 7pm Lisa De’Ville, Elias, Daniel Cliffe The Maze £3, 7.30pm - late

Tuesday 15/02 Ellie Williams and Jonny Grange The Malt Cross Francesqa Rock City £7, 7.30pm Modestep Stealth £4, 10pm

Wednesday 16/02 Sleigh Bells and The Knocks The Rescue Rooms £9, 7pm

The Hustle The Golden Fleece

Dolorean The Bodega £7, 7pm

Sunday 13/02

Thursday 17/02

King of surreal one-liners Milton Jones will be passing through town as part of his tour on Thursday 10 February, and acclaimed writer/historian/stand-up comedian Mark Steel will be gracing the stage on Thursday 3 March. And don’t forget the regular dose of weekend mirth that is the mixed-bill Best In Live Stand-up Comedy shows every Friday and Saturday.

Smokin’ Valentine NTU Students Union £5, 7pm

JT and The Clouds (USA) The Maze £10, 7.30pm

If you’re a bit weird and laughter isn’t your thing, then maybe a spot of music might be more up your street.

Thursday 17 March sees The Beat - one of the most influential bands of the 80s - take to the stage, on the back of their first new album in over twenty years. Make sure you clock the support act - our very own Breadchasers.

Jazz Morley The Maze £6, 7.30pm

An Audience with Paul Hart The Approach £10, 6pm Mark Crossley and Darren Fletcher.

People who like singing about dead fishermen with their finger in their tab will be especially heartened by the launch of the self-explanatory new night called Folk At The Glee Club, a regular session that will invite some of the world’s finest folk and roots musicians to Nottingham for intimate all-seated shows. Jon Boden, the BBC Folk Singer of The Year, lead singer of Bellowhead and one half of Spiers & Boden, kicks things off on Sunday 20 February, whilst Tyneside sisters Rachel and Becky Unthank (pictured) - who have become almost legendary for their live performances with the Mercury Prize-nominated The Unthanks - will be playing on Sunday 27 March with support from Trembling Bells.

Widows The Old Angel £4, 7.30pm Plus Alunah, Bastard of the Skies and Death of the Sun.

The Hamsters play Jimi Hendrix The Rescue Rooms £12.50, 7.30pm

All in all, Glee’s Spring line-up is far more effective than sitting at home and having your tummy tickled whilst listening to a CD. Obviously we haven’t managed to mention everything that’s going off - so check out their website for full gig and ticket info.

The Glee Club at the British Waterways Building, Castle Wharf, Canal Street, NG1 7EH

glee.co.uk/nottingham

Murderdolls, Black Veil Brides Rock City £15, 7.30pm Basement Forte The Golden Fleece We Are Avengers and Ill Citizen.

Muhaa and Sahraab The Golden Fleece Jumpers for Goalposts (Hello Thor) The Alley Cafe Jakes Dogma leftlion.co.uk/issue39 leftlion.co.uk/issue39 leftlion.co.uk/issue39 23

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music event listings...

for more: leftlion.co.uk/listings

Friday 18/02

Tuesday 22/02

Sunday 27/02

Thursday 03/03

Tuesday 08/03

Emily and the Martens JamCafé

The Kids We Used To Be Tour 2011 The Rescue Rooms £10, 6pm

Terrorvision Rock City £17.50, 7.30pm

Benjamin Francis Leftwich The Bodega £6, 7pm

Samson and Delilah and Muha The Malt Cross

Wednesday 23/02

Senses Fail and Man Overboard The Rescue Rooms £10, 6.30pm

Rainbow Warrior benefit night The Maze £4, 7.30pm – 12am

Pirate Party wih Seas of Mirth The Maze The Fillers The Rescue Rooms £10, 7pm

Confetti Battle of the Bands The Central 7.30pm

The Naked and Famous The Bodega £7, 7pm Plus Wolf Gang.

Morning Parade The Bodega £6, 7pm

Zleep - Seth Troxler Stealth £8, 10pm

Ben Montague and Leddra Chapman The Rescue Rooms £8, 7.30pm

Natural Selection The Golden Fleece

Thursday 24/02

Saturday 19/02 Record Breakers Nottingham Arts Theatre £10 / £13, 3pm-Late Swimming, Fists, Hhymn, Injured Birds, Kogumaza, Dearest & Yunioshi.

Meme Moog Joseki, Julian Zizko and DNA System.

Maniére Des Bohémiens The Malt Cross Imelda May Rock City £16.50, 6.30pm Smokescreen The Maze £tbc, 10pm My Chemical Romance Nottingham Arena £35 Tina Dico The Rescue Rooms £12, 7pm Girl Unit Stealth £5, 10pm

Sunday 20/02 Dolly Varden, Magnolia Summer and The Wynntown Marshalls The Maze £10, 7.30pm Jon Boden and The Remnant Kings Glee Club £14, 7.30pm Roll Deep The Rescue Rooms £11, 7pm Such Gold, Starters, Koji The Old Angel

Monday 21/02 This Day Will Dawn The Malt Cross £3 / £4, 7.30pm The Go! Team The Rescue Rooms £12, 7pm Kill It Kid The Bodega £6, 7pm

Tuesday 22/02 Polly and The Billets Doux The Malt Cross Ocean Colour Scene Rock City £23.50, 7.30pm

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The Whigs and Dead Confederate The Bodega £8, 7pm Marble and The Other Left The Golden Fleece

Friday 04/03 Aidan John Moffat The Rescue Rooms £8, 7pm

Monday 28/02

Jack Shack Moog

Coralspin, Evan Fall and Sola City The Maze £3, 7.30pm

8mm Orchestra and Practical Lovers JamCafé

Futures Rock City £7.50, 7.30pm

Dubs, Beats and Bass The Maze £3, 8pm

Confetti Battle of the Bands The Central

La Shark and A.Human The Bodega £6, 7pm

Sychatrissi, Dirty Beard The Malt Cross

Tuesday 01/03

Dollop Stealth £10, 10pm With Claude Vonstroke, Benji B, Jamie Woon and Dollop DJs .

Defeater and Carpathian The Rescue Rooms £9, 6.30pm

Bob Wayne and The Outlaw Carnies The Old Angel £5, 7.30pm Timothy J Simpson and Kaben The Golden Fleece Dutch Uncles The Bodega £6.50, 7pm

Dan Michaelson and the Coastguards The Bodega £6, 7pm Joseph and David The Malt Cross Brazilica The Hand and Heart

Friday 25/02

Wednesday 02/03

All Hallows, The Covet, Howling Buddha and Petes Organ of Doom The Central

Beardyman The Rescue Rooms £10, 7pm

Arse Full of Chips The Malt Cross £4, 7pm

Sound of Guns The Bodega £6, 7pm

Breaking Point, Abolition, Control The Old Angel £5, 7.30pm

Elliot Morris and Red Bear The Golden Fleece

Anna Calvi The Bodega £6.50, 7pm Detonate Twelth Birthday Stealth £12.50 / £15, 10pm Andy C, Nero, Joker, Toddla T, Starkey, Goldie, Lenzman & Boddika.

Saturday 26/02 Yunioshi and friends Hopkinson Gallery Glamour of The Kill The Rescue Rooms £7, 7pm Zebedy Rays Stealth £5, 10.15pm Hoochie Coochie Club The Central £10 advance, 7.30pm Katalyze The Old Angel £5, 9pm - 3am Soul Buggin’ Moog £3 / £5, 9pm - 3am Ashley Beedle and residents.

The Streets Rock City £17, 6.30pm S.P.A.M. The Golden Fleece

Ben Ottewell, The Robot Heart The Bodega £12, 7pm

Saturday 05/03 Dog is Dead The Rescue Rooms £6, 7pm Wildside Sleaze Glam Club night The Central Sapphire Lane, The Interstellars The Maze £3, 7pm Devin Townsend Project Rock City £12.50, 6.30pm Shake and Bake JamCafé

Glastonbudget Festival Audition The Maze £4, 7.30pm The Johnny Johnstone Quintet The Hand and Heart

Wednesday 09/03 The Stranglers Rock City £23, 6.30pm

Friday 11/03 Epica and ReVamp The Rescue Rooms £13, 6.30pm Hip Hoppity Hop de Hop Moog Monkeynuts!

The Maze £4, 10pm Osci, Dub-Liner, Lobes and Laurent.

Basslaced Stealth £10 / £12, 10pm MJ Cole, N-Type, Silkie, Newham Generals and Lil Silva.

Saturday 12/03 Cult DJ’s Moog Oxjam The Malt Cross £3, 7pm Orange Goblin The Old Angel £13, 7.30pm Levellers - Levelling The Land Rock City £23, 6pm Plus The Wonder Stuff.

The Beetroot Kings The Rescue Rooms £7, 7pm

1-UPMANSHIP

GameCityNights: it’s back, and even better than before If you’re one o’ them keenos who get LeftLion on the day it comes out, two things; number one, we love you. Number two, GameCityNights - one of the country’s premiere celebrations of video gaming culture - makes its grand return on 28 January, which is tonight, with the biggest line-up in the monthly event’s history. Comedian Graham Goring, Theramin guru Greig Stewart, The Megaphone’s nostalgic look back at ‘80s sitcom Time Freeze and live performance by Free Market Economist Derek Williams - that’s all on at Antenna right now. Go. Run. If you’re reading this after the 28th and that sounds like the sort of thing you’d want to get involved with, serves you right for not queueing outside all night for this issue. But mither ye not, as this extension of the Game City festival - which is rapidly earning a reputation as the Sundance of the computer gaming world - takes place every month at Antenna.

Episode 2 takes place on Friday 25 February, as local boys Crytek UK share the secrets behind nano-technology (among them being able to make yourself and rock enough to be able to punch people through walls - which is always a handy skill to have) with a first look at upcoming FPS, Crysis 2. A month later - on Friday 25 March Amanita Design founder and creator of seminal titles Samorost and Machinarium, Jakub Dvorský, will be holding the world premiere of his latest title and guiding hardcore joypad-jigglers through every stage of its development.

Between 6pm and 8pm at each episode, networking sessions will be conducted to help prospective video game developers find the right people to contact and how to get their career plans on track, with a different guest speaker giving a presentation to complement the networking sessions. Regular feature From The Desk Of will be back for Season Two, in which a different well-known games developer will be interviewed each month. On top of all of this there will also be live gaming, competitions and previews of new games by independent developers. And if it seems like all of this packed into one evening might wear you out, the restaurant and bar – one of the classiest in town, we’ll have you know – will be happy to look after you.

GameCityNights will continue to run at Antenna on the final Friday of each month. Iain Simons, the GameCity director, promises plenty of surprises throughout Season Two, so keep your ear to the ground for constant updates, you serious gaming sorts.

GameCityNights takes place at Antenna, 9a Beck Street, NG1 1EQ on Friday 28 January. Tickets are £5 in advance and £6 on the door. nights.gamecity.org leftlion.co.uk/issue39 leftlion.co.uk/issue39 24

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DRIVEN UP THE WALL Trish Evans and Tom Hill have linked up with the freerunners of Notts to create pipeline: they came running, a jaw-dropping photographic and aural examination of what happens when you give ridiculously limber people lights and mics and let them go off on one across town. We spoke to Trish about the project – which is to be exhibited as part of this month’s Light Night celebrations – and how she managed to deal us such a mint cover…

What inspired you to link up with the freerunning community?

I’ve always felt inspired by street-based art, knowing that individuals and groups are out there reinventing new ways of engaging with urban architecture and utilising the possibilities unconventional spaces can offer their work. I love how freerunning makes use of areas of the city which bear little aesthetic appeal; dingy grey forgotten corners of the city of which there are a few in town - suddenly take on a new meaning. Nottingham Parkour and Urban Revolution have been hugely involved in the project - without their positivity, commitment and interest pipeline: they came running wouldn’t have happened.

Is it just a matter of clamping lights to stupidly athletic people and letting them get on with it while you set the camera to max exposure?

To be honest, my approach to this work has been very DIY - I started with a big roll of gaffer tape, a range of lights, a camera and tripod. But my approach has been very much about the composition, location and the physical movement. Each week I’ve been going to a different place, which brings a whole set of different challenges such as weather, choreography, perspectives, light, surfaces and adrenalin.

What are you aiming to do here?

On one level it’s a celebration of the energy and creativity of young people and the freerunning community as a challenge to the usual negative stereotypes of young people. They get a lot of bad press - particularly in Nottingham - and it’s been good to showcase a positive representation of local youth culture. It’s also an opportunity to get a different perspective on the local environment, to show you a Nottingham that you might look at but not really see.

We love what you’ve done to some very familiar parts of town. Do you have to get permission to clamber over them?

We did for the Sky Mirror image – and many thanks to Nottingham Playhouse for that. When I asked Urban Revolution at the start of the project, they explained that the best way to gain authorisation is through education - building relationships with security guards and land owners. When their work can be experienced and understood as being something positive and creative, then things usually work out OK. What buildings would you love to have a crack at?

I’d like to work in some more grand buildings within the backdrop, like the Newton building. The parkour groups are keen to have a go at rooftops across the city - particularly Broadmarsh, Victoria Centre and People’s College, so watch this space.

photos: Trish Evans Tell us about the aural recording element of your pieces…

As part of pipeline, Tom Hill will be using binaural recording equipment which involves attaching inner ear microphones to individual freerunners. The result is a listening experience which accurately reproduces the 360° effect of hearing a sound in person. The aim is to offer an introspective experience to the work, allowing the viewer to feel more involved and engaged with the physical act of parkour.

Anything else you’d like to say to LeftLion readers?

Urban Revolution are working closely with the sports sector to set up parkour coaching, and there’s already a campaign to get a parkour park built in the city. This would be great for Nottingham; a positive opportunity for people interested in the sport to gather, train and share ideas in a safe place. Get behind their campaign on Facebook – look for ‘Parkour Park’. pipeline: they came running will be showcased under the NCP car park next to the Broadmarsh centre as part of the Light Night Festival on Friday 18 February. Free entry.

nottinghamparkour.co.uk urbanrevolution.net

School of Art & Design

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Come along to an Art and Design Open Event to find out more: • Talk to postgraduate staff and students from all areas of creative expertise: discuss ideas and career directions; • Look around our extensive, purpose-built facilities and get valuable portfolio advice; • Find out more about our new bursaries and funding opportunities.

Visit us: Wednesday 9 March or Wednesday 18 May 2011: 5pm – 7pm Location: Bonington Building, Dryden Street, Nottingham, NG1 4GG. Book your place at www.ntu.ac.uk/adopenevent Contact us on opendayqueries@ntu.ac.uk

www.ntu.ac.uk/art leftlion.co.uk/issue39

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music event listings...

Saturday 12/03

Thursday 17/03

The Big Top Extravaganza Nottingham Contemporary £30, 7pm

Gaslamp Killer Dogma

Admiral Fallow The Bodega £7, 7pm

Ill Nino The Rescue Rooms £12.50, 6.30pm

The Hustle The Golden Fleece

Jumpers for Goalposts (Hello Thor) The Alley Cafe With 20 Year Hurricane.

Sunday 13/03

Friday 18/03

Nottingham Folkus The Maze £4, 8pm With Lucy Ward, Jake Bugg and Marc Block.

I’m Not From From London Moog

Farmyard Presents The Golden Fleece Chase and Status Live Rock City £15, 7pm

Monday 14/03 Red Jumpsuit Apparatus The Rescue Rooms £10, 6.30pm Lazarus AD and Bounded By Blood The Maze £5, 7.30pm

Tuesday 15/03 Arthur Rigby and The Baskervylles The Malt Cross Manière des Bohémiens The Hand and Heart

Wednesday 16/03 Mark Block and Sam Kirk The Central Seven Little Sisters The Rescue Rooms £6, 7.30pm Kelly’s Heroes and Wholesome Fish.

Thursday 17/03 My Ruin Rock City £11, 6.30pm

Cecille Grey JamCafé Plus Prints in the Snow and Sahraab.

for more: leftlion.co.uk/listings

Talking Loud And Saying Summat

Nottingham is the place to be for spoken word this spring, with a glut of new and regular events happening across the city…

Starting Tuesday 1 February, Spoken Word All Stars will be livening up Lakeside Arts Centre from 8pm. Apples and Snake’s UK tour stars some of the hottest UK spoken word performers of the moment joined by top local poets Lydia Towsey and MulletProofPoet for the only Midlands date in this high-profile tour. Tickets on sale from the Lakeside Arts Centre for £9, phone 0115 846 7777 to book.

It’s great to see DIY poets re-launching DIY Presents on Thursday 10 February 8pm (£2) at The Maze, with guest poet Mark Gwynne Jones providing the words and Maniere Des Bohemians supplying gypsy jazz-inspired sounds.

DIY Poets are also holding an evening of Wine and Rhyme at Edin’s, Broad Street on Friday 18 February (8pm) as part of Light Night, while Nottingham Writers’ Studio are presenting Word of Mouth at Antenna the same evening, featuring comedian Sophie Woolley and guests (7-9.30pm).

Natural Selection The Golden Fleece

New kids on the block, Mouthy Poets present Say Sum Thin at Nottingham Playhouse (6pm-11pm) on Saturday 19 February, featuring award-winning young poet Inua Ellams in conversation and performing, followed by open mic sessions (£8). Meanwhile another newbie, Speech Therapy, launches on Thursday 24 February with guest poets Aly Stoneman and Deborah Stevenson at Hotel Deux on Sherwood Rise, with open mic starting from 8pm.

Submotion Orchestra The Bodega £6, 7pm

Meanwhile, John Lucas is retiring from hosting the much-loved monthly Beeston Shoestring readings at the Flying Goose Café. His last event at the helm will be Tuesday 15 March when Ann Atkinson and Alan Baker will be reading from 7.30pm (£3 on the door).

Saturday 19/03

Last, but not least, on Sunday 20 March, WriteLion and 9 Arches Press presents Shindig! at Jam Café with guest poets, open mic and cake from 7pm. Entrance is free ). There will be a pre-event Writing Workshop with Nine Arches Press from 5-6pm - please contact poetry@leftlion.co.uk for further details.

The Chariot Rock City £10, 7pm Plus MyChildren MyBride and Galleons.

The Mire The Maze £3 / £5, 6pm - 10pm Plus The Weight Of Regret, Strike Team and Anacondas.

Mr Fogg The Rescue Rooms £5, 10.15pm

Sunday 20/03 Notts in a Nutshell - Zulu Road The Maze £3, 7.30pm Plus Starscreen and Louis Scott.

African Music Night The Golden Fleece With Two Man Ting and more tbc.

Tuesday 22/03

leftlion.co.uk/writelion

Tuesday 22/03

Friday 25/03

Thursday 31/03

Jonathan Millet Band The Malt Cross

Kid British, The Swiines Central £10, 7.30pm

Jaguar Skills The Rescue Rooms £10.21, 9pm

Kreepers The Old Angel £12.50, 8pm - 3am With Nigel Lewis and The Zorchmen, Frankenstein, Epileptic and Hillbillys.

Kyuss Lives!

Rock City £17.50, 6.30pm

Kate Nash The Rescue Rooms £12.50, 7pm Nightworks The Hand and Heart

Thursday 24/03 The Golden Troubadours The Golden Fleece Patrick Wolf The Rescue Rooms £12.50, 7pm Detroit Social Club The Bodega £7, 7pm

Glastonbudget Festival Audition The Maze £4, 7.30pm

GLOBAL PERFORMING Nottingham Playhouse’s international dance season: coming soon Don’t feel like dancing after a season of dark nights and snow? Who do you think you are, you soft get - the Scissor Sisters? In any case, fret not; if you’re too lazy or shy to bust out moves at a local club, stay on your rump and see it done properly at Nottingham Playhouse by the pros, as a glorious season of dance is about to commence.

Scandinavia’s foremost contemporary dance company, Danish Dance Theatre, will be kick-starting proceedings on Tuesday 22 and Wednesday 23 February.

Despite being in existence since 1981, this event will be their UK debut - and they’ll be dropping three pieces on us, in the shape of Enigma, Cadance and Kridt (Chalk). All choreographed by Tim Rushton, the themes encompass communication, words and movement to the meaning of death for both the person dying and those left behind.

Detonate Hospitality Stealth £8 / £10, 8pm London Elektricity, Camo & Krooked, Sigma, NuTone, Reso, MC Wrec

Saturday 26/03 Insidious, Bludgeon The Old Angel £5, 7.30pm S.P.A.M. The Golden Fleece

Sunday 27/03 Jaya The Catell, Broken Nose The Maze £7, 8pm Jim Jones Revue The Rescue Rooms £10, 7.30pm Farmyard Presents The Golden Fleece

Tuesday 29/03 Way of Lakes The Malt Cross

Jaguar Skills Stealth £10, 9pm

THEATRE Thursday 03/02 Forever Young Nottingham Playhouse £10 - £20 Runs until: 19/02

Monday 07/02 The Deep Blue Sea Lace Market Theatre £6 - £10 Runs until: 12/02

Thursday 10/02 2010: A Space Oddity Lakeside Arts Centre £6 - £12, 8pm

Saturday 12/02 Henri Oguike Dance Company Lakeside Arts Centre £9 - £15, 7.30pm

Tuesday 15/02

Glastonbudget Festival Audition The Maze £4, 7.30pm

Hamlet Royal Centre £12 - £27, Various Runs until: 19/02

Wednesday 30/03

Friday 18/02

The final show in this spectacular trio of international dance acts comes from the feet of the Australian Dance Theatre who will be returning to the Playhouse after their sold-out 2005 show - and us lucky so-and-so’s are being treated to their only British dates on Tuesday 1 and Wednesday 2 March. Set to cartoonish, unpredictable electronic music and asking “what makes you, you?” with amusing and moving results, ADT are, alongside contemporary and classic ballet techniques, coached in elements of martial arts, breakdance, gymnastics, contact improvisation and yoga, resulting in a unique choreographed fusion that should capture anyone’s imagination. Their show will be a season finale not to miss.

Armed For A Crisis EP Launch The Maze

Home Made Nottingham Playhouse

Katy Perry Nottingham Arena £22.50 - £27.50

Saturday 19/02

Ticket prices range from £12 - £22, but there’s an added bonus for the real dance-heads; if you book all three shows simultaneously you can save £24. Tickets are on sale as you’re reading this (unless it’s June and you’ve just found this issue of LeftLion under a pile in your living room corner). nottinghamplayhouse.co.uk

Fenech - Soler The Rescue Rooms £8, 7pm

Next up is a a visit from one of the most popular dance companies in the United States, Ailey 2. Renowned for their ability to captivate audiences with grace, agility and strength, this - again - will be their first visit to the UK. They’ll be here in Notts on Friday 25 and Saturday 26 February to perform exciting new works alongside timeless classics.

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Inua Ellams - Say Sum Thin Nottingham Playhouse

theatre/exhibitions/comedy event listings...

Tuesday 22/02 Danish Dance Theatre Nottingham Playhouse £12 - £22, 8pm Runs until: 23/02

Friday 25/02 Ailey 2 Nottingham Playhouse £12 - £22, 8pm Runs until: 26/02

Tuesday 01/03 Australian Dance Theatre Nottingham Playhouse £17.50, 8pm Runs until: 02/03 Humble Boy Studio Theatre £7 (£6 concessions), 7.30pm Runs until: 05/03

Monday 07/03 Flawless Nottingham Playhouse £20, 7.30pm

Monday 14/03 The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie Lace Market Theatre £6 - £10 Runs until: 19/03

Tuesday 15/03 To Kill A Mockingbird Royal Centre £12 - £26, Various Runs until: 19/03

Thursday 17/03 Andew Motion Lakeside Arts Centre £6.50 - £12.50, 8pm

Wednesday 23/03 Oedipus Nottingham Playhouse £7.50 - £26.50, 8pm Runs until: 09/04

COMEDY Thursday 03/02 John Shuttleworth - A Man With No More Rolls Lakeside Arts Centre £12 - £18, 8pm Peter Kay Nottingham Arena £35 Runs until: 05/02

Friday 04/02 Joan as Policewoman Glee Club £15, 7.30pm

Sunday 06/02 Sunday Social Forum £5 / £10, 6.45pm Paul Foot, James Acaster, Tom Wrigglesworth.

Thursday 10/02 Milton Jones Glee Club £13 - £15.50, 7.15pm

Sunday 13/02 Punt and Dennis Nottingham Playhouse £20, 7.30pm Real Deal Comedy Jam Glee Club £10 - £15, 6pm Kat B, Toju, Nema Williams and Franz Casseus.

Monday 14/02 Valentines Comedy Forum £7 / £10 / £60, 6.45pm Nick Helm, Kai Humphries and Darrell Martin.

Thursday 17/02 Simon Munnery Forum £6 / £10, 6.45pm Jon Richardson Glee Club £11 - £13, 7.30pm

MAXIMUM EXPOSURE With the British Art Show over, Nottingham Contemporary showcases the cream of American photography

As one of the most distinctive American photographers of the past decade, Anne Collier is going to be filling the main exhibition space of Tempreh. The images she deals in often act as subtle reflections on the sexual politics of photography – both amateur and fine art. As a contemporary artist pare excellence, she also borrows familiar, sometimes clichéd, images from popular culture in ways that are subtly autobiographical and yet sceptical of the idea of absolute originality or direct self-expression. Her photographs are of almost flat Jack Goldstein, Still from Butterflies, 1975, 16mm, colour. subjects, making for a fascinating interplay between two and three dimensions, closing the gap between what she photographs and the photographic prints themselves.

The late Jack Goldstein has been called the most important ‘artist’s artist’ of the last thirty years. Having worked in performance, film and painting - as well as making records as art works and pictorial poetry - Goldstein emerged out of the rigorous conceptual art scene of LA in the late sixties. His first works - pared-down performances that took the form of repeated actions that suggested violence and disappearance, documented in grainy film - are often seen as the missing link between sixties and eighties art. By the seventies he was making immaculate 16mm films with the help of the cream of Hollywood’s technicians: a roaring lion, a glinting knife, a barking Alsatian. As part of Nottingham Light Night, there will be a special screening of his film The Jump which was once screened in Times Square, New York. Lucky old us, eh?

As always, the NC calendar is studded with special events. Every Thursday evening there will be a series of workshops by writer-in-residence, Wayne Burrows, in The Study. If Jack Goldstein’s exhibition has stirred anything in you, or if you’re just a bit of a film fan, there’s an evening with Morgan Fisher on Wednesday 16 March. An avantgarde filmmaker who was working in LA around the same time as Goldstein, there will be a showing of two of his films followed by a Q&A. William Sherman, Professor of Renaissance and Early Modern Studies at The University of York, will be exploring what happens when objects are used and reused on Wednesday 16 March. Held in The Space, this includes objects appropriated by artists - and how meaning is made.

Anne Collier and Jack Goldstein at Nottingham Contemporary, Weekday Cross, NG1 2GB from Sunday 22 January to Sunday 27 March, admission is free nottinghamcontemporary.org

Friday 18/03

Sunday 27/02

Mile Jupp Lakeside Arts Centre £6 - £12, 8pm

Sunday Social Forum £4 / £8, 6.45pm Wil Hodgson, Joey Page, Eric Lampaert.

Sunday 20/02 Jerry Sadowitz Forum £20, 6.45pm

Monday 21/02 Gruff Rhys Glee Club £13.50, 7.30pm

Saturday 26/02 Sol Bernstein Bunkers Hill Inn £7 adv, 7.30pm

Sunday 27/02 Mark Thomas Nottingham Playhouse £15, 7.30pm

2 GAULS, 1 CUP The Lakeside goes a bit AC/BC this spring

Lakeside is known for a diverse range of events covering a wide array of interests but their latest exhibition may be their most outlandish undertaking yet. Roman Sexuality: Images, Myths And Meanings does exactly what it says on the tin; a display of various rare artefacts and images. And ooh no, missus; far from offering a goz at ancient smut, it’s a rare opportunity to learn more about a core aspect of human life during one of humanity’s most important eras.

The focal point of the exhibition, which is taking place in the Weston Gallery, is the infamous Warren Cup. Named after Edward Warren the renamed American collector who purchased it in 1911, the Cup is a silver piece decorated with frank depictions of what usually happens when NG1 closes for the night.

Believed to have origins in Bittir near Jerusalem between 15BC and AD15, it’s caused some right palaver in the past, having been turned away from America in 1953, and rejected for display elsewhere until it finally found a home at the British Museum in 1999. As a matter of fact, its appearance in Notts is only the second time it’s been out of London.

It’s not just Rome-o-sexual artefacts on display, however; pieces gleaned from the likes of Nottingham City Museums and the University of Cambridge demonstrate a Roman reliance on the phallus comparable to a Bulwell bus shelter. Many good luck charms, statuettes and items of jewellery bore the images of phalluses, thanks to superstitious beliefs that they may provide protection. Even religious items bore sexual imagery, with multiple gods in the Roman pantheon dedicated to sexuality. Common offerings at temples included terracotta depictions of wombs or female breasts as well as mothers nursing or giving birth.

Whereas considerations of sex by Roman writers and philosophers have long been established, it’s not often that the perspective of everyday citizens are analysed in such a way. Rather than just ruminate on sex Before Christ, the event instead seeks to explore how sexuality permeated many areas of Roman life in ways often more subtle than mere romance. Set to be an enlightening and fascinating exploration of a part of humanity which even today is often considered taboo, the exhibition promises to be a major event. Take your Nana.

Roman Sexuality: Images, Myths And Meanings is showing at the Weston Gallery, Lakeside Arts Centre, University Park Campus from 14 January to 11 April, admission is free. lakesidearts.org.uk

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for more: leftlion.co.uk/listings

Thursday 03/03 Mark Steel Glee Club £13 - £15, 7.30pm

Sunday 06/03 Sunday Social Forum £4 / £8, 6.45pm

Wednesday 09/03 Gina Yashere Nottingham Playhouse £15, 8pm

Thursday 10/03 Stephen K Amos Nottingham Playhouse £18.50, 8pm Runs until: 11/03 Tom Wigglesworth Glee Club £5 - £10, 7.30pm

Sunday 13/03 Charlie Baker Forum £4 / £8, 6.45pm Zoe Lyons Glee Club £6.50 - £10, 7.30pm Mile Jupp Lakeside Arts Centre £6 - £12, 8pm

Sunday 20/03 Abandonman Forum £5, 6.45pm

Friday 25/03 Live stand-up Forum £5.50 - £11, 6.45pm Runs until: 26/03

EXHIBITIONS Tuesday 01/02 Life is Very Sweet Harley Gallery and Foundation Runs until: 01/03 Revolution Paper Lakeside Arts Centre Runs until: 27/02 Roman Sexuality Lakeside Arts Centre Runs until: 10/04 Nora Fok: A Retrospective Harley Gallery and Foundation Runs until: 20/03 Stripped Nottingham Castle Runs until: 27/03 John Newling Nottingham Contemporary Runs until: 27/03 Anne Collier Nottingham Contemporary Runs until: 27/03 Jack Goldstein Nottingham Contemporary Runs until: 27/03 Raghu Rai’s Invocation to India New Art Exchange Runs until: 30/04

Saturday 12/02 Double Lives Show Malt Cross Runs until: 25/02

Saturday 26/02 Stef Cartwright Lakeside Arts Centre Runs until: 10/04

Wednesday 09/03 Art & Design Postgrad Evening Nottingham Trent University Free, 5pm - 7pm

Saturday 12/03 igloo Lakeside Arts Centre Runs until: 02/05

Teas are good! Teas are good! Swishy teas are good! If you’d like your nosherie featured here, email noshingham@leftlion.co.uk

words: Aly Stoneman, Ash Dilks, Jared Wilson

Jalisco

Petit Paris

Yo! Sushi

My favourite food was always Mexican – until I went to Mexico.

After contracting tortilla-belly in Tulum, I didn’t fancy it anymore. However, with the relocation of Jalisco from Carlton to Mansfield Road, it was time to lay my hang-ups to rest.

Unassumingly positioned on Kings Walk, off Upper Parliament Street, Petit Paris has been on Nottingham’s culinary map for years. As you can possibly tell from the name, it’s properly Frenchified, from the handwritten chalkboards and vintage mirrors to the waiters in white shirts and black ties dashing fore and aft. And to push the cliche out as far as it will possibly go, yes - it is a properly bijou venue, actually. Rich wood, earth colours, tasteful piccies on the wall and big windows all lend themselves to a ordered yet relaxed atmosphere.

Despite its culinary roots in Japan, Yo! Sushi is a British invention with fifty-odd chains. The big novelty here, as you probably know, is that the food is prepared in full view of the customers, with the kitchen in the Nottingham branch located right in the middle of the restaurant, so the chefs perform their duties in more ways than one.

South of the border, down Mansfield Road way

What defines a Mexican restaurant is cheerful yellow, green and red paintwork, sombreros and guitars on the walls, stripey rugs, candles, chunky wooden furniture, and at least one potted cactus resembling a genetic fusion of the Incredible Hulk and the Gingerbread Man looming over me while I tackle my tacos.

And that pretty much describes Jalisco – which is great. The premises have been lovingly redecorated, two decent-sized but cosy rooms, with big windows that allow you to view the kaleidoscopic wildlife of Nottingham behind the safety of glass.

The more adventurous might kick off the night with margaritas (£2.95), but we stuck to bottled Corona (£2.80 per bottle) with the ubiquitous wedge of lime jammed in the top. I chose my old preTulum favourite, loaded potato skins (£3.95), while my vegetarian companion – for once spoilt for choice – opted for the fried chilli peppers (£3.45). Despite my starter containing potato, cheese, sour cream and bacon, the all-out winner for flavour were the jalapeno pepper halves, oozing cream cheese and served in a light crisp crumb coating for extra bite. However – unlike mine – they didn’t come with a dip, but a complimentary side dish of salsa from the friendly manager was a perfect companion for the stuffed chilli peppers. Be warned though; said salsa kicks like a pony (unlike the dish itself, which was milder than I expected).

For mains, we chose vegetarian chimichanga (£9.95) and chicken burrito (£9.95) respectively. The chimichanga, surely the bestnamed Mexican food, was stuffed with aubergine, courgette, mushrooms, onion and tomato, folded into a square tortilla and fried, while my burrito came crammed with spicy chicken. Both were topped with cheese, chopped spring onion, guacamole and sour cream, and served with refried beans and Mexican rice – a feast of taste and texture. The menu offers all the usual favourites – chilli, fajitas, tacos, enchiladas – with plenty of vegetarian options as well as chicken, steak and fish. Portions are generous, and neither of us cleared our plates.

Still, who can resist tequila cheesecake (£3.95)? Not me!

We decided to share a slice and the chef certainly sloshed the tequila into the chocolate sauce – raising the possibility of getting pissed on dessert. Ideal on Friday and Saturday nights when salsa dancing enlivens the restaurant after 10pm, with customers encouraged to join in.

Thanks to Jalisco, I’ve overcome my Mexican food fear.

Any menu that contains alcoholic desserts and fun words like enchiladas, desperados and guacamole is the one for me.

I’ll certainly be back for more. Ole! 131 Mansfield Road, NG1 3FQ. Tel: 0115 950 8550 jalisco.co.uk

Just off Le Place de Trinité

As you’d expect, the menu boasts a selection of classic French dishes, as well as other favourites from around the Med. Our waiter recommended we order off the menu for wine and gave us a pointed nod as we asked for the Malbec merlot (£16) from the chalkboard; it certainly didn’t disappoint, being a lovely fullbodied red from the South of France with notes of red fruits and wild berries and a hint of woody spice .

We started with a pheasant terrine which was light and not overpoweringly gamey, accompanied by a chutney of figs and chestnuts - a nice touch, which served as a sweet reminder of seasons not-so-long past. We also picked out the seared scallops, which are always a good test of a chef’s ability. They came through with flying colours, cooked as they were to perfection, with each one practically melting in the mouth.

Raring to get stuck into the mains, I went for the lamb bourguignon. A very interesting twist on the classic dish it was too, accompanied by a properly rich gravy and plenty of pickling onions and lardons, all there to be mopped up by a good amount of parsnip mash. Comfort food has never been so fancy.

My friend’s wild mushroom risotto was equally fulfilling, and bolstered by a couple of luxurious additions in the shape of a soft poached free-range egg and some huge parmesan shavings.

The egg was perfectly cooked, with the yolk adding a silky texture to the rice when split open.

With a three-course meal for only £12.95 per head, it seemed rude not to order dessert. My orange panna cotta served with cardamom crème anglaise was sublime, as was my friend’s chocolate and mixed nut pudding, which was complimented with chocolate sauce and vanilla ice cream.

All in all, a table for two at Petit Paris is a definite brownie point-scorer. Obviously, with Valentine’s Day just around the corner, it’s a perfect venue for the time of year, with a £39.95 per head menu that you might be lucky enough to reserve before they’re fully booked out. Be warned, however; the quality of the atmosphere is so good that you might choose to stay a while longer and finish in style, as we did, with coffee and liqueurs, which might not be the most productive move if you’re on a promise.

Ayup! Raw Fish

Unless you order off the special menu, all dishes are served on a conveyor belt system, carried around in a loop past for you to choose from. The plastic crockery is colour-coded to cost, ranging from green dishes (£1.70) up to the more elaborate grey dishes (£5). It’s not just the plates that are colourful, either; the whole restaurant has been done out in bright, some may say garish, oranges and greens.

Because it’s based on the Japanese model of no-messing-about in-and-out dining, the seating arrangements can be somewhat impersonal; if you’re looking for intimate atmosphere, you should look elsewhere. At busy times (which it was for us, due to their January 40% off vouchers) you’re likely to be thrust between busy groups, with limited opportunity to sit opposite each other to converse while dining.

We sampled a dozen dishes between the two of us. The best were the sashimi salmon (£3.90), five slices of premium Scottish fish, prawn katsu (£3.90), consisting of three crispy fried prawns in breadcrumbs, and the rainbow roll (£5) – a package of salmon, tuna, tamagom avocado, cucumber and masago.

The least inspiring were the desserts, which appear delicious from the outside but, to my British palate at least, taste surprisingly plain within. However, the dorayaki (£2.90), a Japanese pancake with custard filling and raspberry sauce, was tasty, and you can’t argue with a fresh fruit salad (£2.90) of pineapple, melon, grapes and strawberry. The green tea was lovely, refreshing and plentiful too.

No complaints about the food, then, but we felt the service was poor – the waitresses who served us were pleasant, but there just weren’t enough of them to cope with a full crowd. And the place committed the cardinal sin of food service; skanky toilets.

Someone had relieved themselves on, rather than in, the Gents toilet and this, along with the fact that we had to queue for ten minutes to settle our bill (£21 per head, pre-discount), left us with a bad aftertaste.

Now that the initial thrill of conveyor-belt cuisine has faded, I’d give dining in here a miss. But Yo! Sushi also do pre-packed food to go, which I’d definitely try again.

1 Weekday Cross, NG1 2GB. Tel: 0115 872 0280 yosushi.com

2 Kings Walk, NG1 2AE. Tel: 0115 947 3767 petitparisrestaurant.co.uk

Our resident fast food expert Beane continues his quest to eat at every takeaway in Nottingham…

HOCKLEY GRILL

Hockley seems to be on its arse at the moment – more and more shops going to the wall, shite chain bars taking over, my favourite record shop closing last year. But, offering a greasy paw of friendship to the drunken straggler is the Hockley Grill, just across the road from the JamCafé (and very handy for those that have been drinking their super-strong lager all night). Their range of dirty deep fried chicken and the like is just about OK when you’re half-cut but it’s the donor-shish mix that you really need to get your chops around; no-nonsense, half-decent kebabage that they’ll happily load up with the usual suspects of all kinds of salad, jalapeños and their trademark chilli sauce. You can make a night of it too if you wish, and take a window seat (tables can accommodate parties of four, no need to pre-book) or even shake a leg to the often pumping tunes played far too loud on their large slippery tiled floor area, which always seems to go down well with the proprietor as you wait for your food – perfect to dance off what booze you’ve got left swishing about inside you as you wait for your grub. Something for everyone.

7 Heathcoat Street, Hockley, NG1 3AF

Woodborough Road Fish Bar For those living in Mapperley and St Ann’s that can’t afford today’s extortionate bus fares the trek home up Woodborough Road is a lonely, cold and bloody long one, marked out by various secondhand junk shops. Thank God for the Fish Bar, then; a sizable chippy which, strangely, always seems empty – very rarely do you see two people in there at the same time. This may account for the fact that they never have anything ready, which fills you with a certain amount of worry. However, it’s important to note the best food is that which is cooked from fresh – a policy the Fish Bar seems to endorse. Of course, the fact that no bugger goes in there or they could be lazy bastards may play a part, but when it comes to chip shops I do like to get a little romantic, so I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt. What’s on offer? Pizzas, kebabs, fried chicken, boiled eggs – it’s all there for the taking, but I’d recommend the fish and chips whole-heartedly. For the tired pisshead walking up that hill from town, this place shines bright, like a beacon made of crispy batter.

916 Woodborough Road, NG3 5QR leftlion.co.uk/issue39

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Aquarius (January 20 - February 19)

Try removing yourself from your comfort zone every so often. The nature of the society we live in means it’s easy to get stuck in a rut and repeat things on a daily basis. But pushing yourself can revitalise the soul. If you only do what you know you can do, you never do very much.

Pisces (February 20 - March 20) It’s not easy to find a life partner. They say that you were born with two eyes, two ears, two hands, and two feet – but only one heart, because you have to search find the other. However, after months spent trying to make meaningful human contact, you might be wise to settle for rubbing up against random strangers on the bus from town.

Aries (March 21 - April 20)

Delicate balancing acts need to be achieved in a hurry. When a skilled juggler starts off he often drops a ball early, to add tension to his later trick of balancing a chainsaw, a flaming torch and a sword. But with you, you just dropped the ball early because you don’t have the skills yet. Pick it back up and try again.

Taurus (April 21 - May 21)

The world is wrong on many levels. If someone enjoys a walk in the woods and shares their company with the trees each day, they are often regarded as a loafer. Yet if another spends their days authorising cuts to those woods and putting up business complexes, they are deemed an industrious and enterprising citizen.

LEFTLION ABROAD The Rock of Gibraltar, Iberian Peninsula

Gemini (May 22 - June 22)

Communication and physical exertion are the bedrock of every good relationship. So remember to allow those cheerleaders out of that soundproof basement once every day and menace them with an axe, whilst screaming obscenities.

Cancer (June 23 - July 23) Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in full bloom during the summer is perhaps the most remarkable. Except of course for a pair of kittens, one ginger and one grey, standing up on their hind legs and singing that song you like by Savage Garden at your bedroom door while you’re asleep. It happens every night you know – I’ve heard them.

Leo (July 24 - August 23) Freedom is a funny thing. Rather like a roasted coffee bean, it smells better than it tastes. There is a sense now, in which you are getting a bitter sensation from something that once seemed full of sweet promise. Time to flick your bean away, my friend.

Virgo (August 24 - September 23) Friends can be transient at times. There is a thin line between love and hate and the closer you get to someone now the more you might need to pull away later. But if you’re feeling low, remember that better friends are out there for you. In the bins.

Libra (September 24 - October 23)

You’ve always thought your life would be better if you could locate a flux capacitor, go back in time and teach your younger self a few things. But you might find it a tad depressing this week when you find out you’ve actually tried that already.

Scorpio (October 24 - November 22) It might be wise to listen carefully to friends and partners. Though you could easily hide within a crowd, there could be merit in listening closely to someone who feels that their world is shaking and you haven’t done enough to keep them safe from the deadly rats.

Sagittarius (November 23 - December 22) It might help you to have assistance from friends and colleagues born under the air signs, of Gemini, Libra or Aquarius. A friend you once studied with may appreciate your particular expertise. This in turn could lead to more work and being nearer to your goals, as well as a nervous breakdown and early death.

A big hunk of limestone standing 426m high – over four times as tall as the Houses of Parliament, Gibraltar has been British since 1713. Ancient legends have the rock down as one of the Pillars of Hercules, the other pillar being Mons Abyla on the African side of the Strait. In ancient times the two points marked the limit to the known world. Loads of monkeys. This photo was sent in by Shaun Cains (pictured) and taken by his 13-year old son Russell. Good skills from the young lad!

Going somewhere exotic? Take a copy of the Lion, wave it about, send it to us, and then you can bore the arse off the whole of Notts with your holiday snaps. Lob them pics and details to info@leftlion.co.uk

Capricorn (December 23 - January 19)

Protecting your financial interests could be paramount, so make sure you buy a gun. Rights could become an issue – and not just with you. You may also feel obliged to help someone younger who’s unaware how to make the rifle work. Shoot for the skies!

Venereal Disease

Valentines Day

Wahey! It’s SPRING! Well, not now, obviously – it’s still Derby Road. But by April 1 2011 the lambs’ll skipping up Mansfield Road, your Mam’ll be airing your chatty bedroom, and the Magazine Elves’ll be lobbing LeftLion #40 into shops and pubs across town. It’ll have words and pictures in it.

And some adverts.

30

leftlion.co.uk/issue39

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Caused by: Soppy get

llet Symptoms: Empty wa rds

Parasites: Clintons Ca

r par tner)

you Cure: Getting shot (of

Caused by: Unprotec

ted sex

Symptoms: Itchy balls

and clunge

Parasites: Crab lice Cure: Getting a shot (in

the arse)

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