LeftLion Magazine - December 2007 - Issue 20

#20 our style is legendary

Neville Staple of

The Specials Shopping

Cappo

Nottingham

Hiphop

Miles Hunt Loay Hady al e nt c s re an ord Pa uid w G ad ide b s in

Notts Xmas Decorations

New Years Eve

Dominic Minghella of BBC’s Nottingham Events Listings Guide

Robin Hood

contents

editorial

LeftLion Magazine Issue 20 December 2007-January 2008

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May Contain Notts Nottingham’s ‘Mr Sex’ with a concentrated dollop of NG News-flange

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LeftEyeOn The Queen of the Midlands, encapsulated through the medium of photography

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Facing Mecca?

Our future dream is a shopping scheme

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A Canadian In New Basford We submerge Rob in Trent FM until his lungs burst and his ears drown in rubbish The Staple Diet A very Special interview with the rudest singer of them all Cappo The golden condor of Nottingham hiphop is home to roost

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The A-Z Of Nottingham Hiphop The home of the UK scene, from back to front

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Out And About The Market Bar, Confetti ICT, Richer Sounds and Lace

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A Songwriter’s Tale The lead singer of The Wonder Stuff makes his long-awaited return

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Sorry, I Don’t Speak Geek Our team of SpodBusters make their magazine debut.

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Hady Character Young local author bringing a novel and Fresher approach

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Nottingham Events Listings Seven pages of what’s what in Notts

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Reinventing The Legend The man behind the new BBC set of Merry Men reveals all

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LeftLion Pub Quiz Because the biggest erogenous zone is your brain

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Do You Want Deccing?

Because if you’re gonna ruin your tree with tat, make it our tat

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Oh Nottingham, Is Full Of Fun James Walker went to a Forest match and got well into it

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Artist Profiles Joseph Kelly, Dan Toporowski, Rachel Parry and Samuel Mercer

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Write Lion The best scribblings on our creative writing forum

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LeftLion Bands Pennyblack, Rebel Soul Parade, Kids In Tracksuits and Yunioshi

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Rocky Horrorscopes Roger Mean, Rob White and Notts Trumps go off on one

Deputy Editors Al Needham (nishlord@leftlion.co.uk) Nathan Miller (njm@leftlion.co.uk) Technical Director Alan Gilby (alan@leftlion.co.uk)

Listings Editors Tim Bates (timmy@leftlion.co.uk) Florence Gohard (florence@leftlion.co.uk) Photography Editor Dominic Henry (dom@leftlion.co.uk)

Correspondence Address LeftLion has moved. Our new address is: LeftLion, care of Stone Soup, The Oldknows Factory, St Anns Hill Road, NG3 4GP

Theatre Editor Adrian Bhagat (adrian@leftlion.co.uk) Community Editor Charlotte Kingsbury (charlotte@leftlion.co.uk)

Cover Illustration Si Mitchell

Literature Editor James Walker (books@leftlion.co.uk)

Contributors Colin The Geek Ian Kingsbury Kristi Genovese Miles Hunt Roger Mean

Music Editors Natasha Chowdhury (natasha@leftlion.co.uk) Robojude (jude@leftlion.co.uk)

Before I goo back to wok, I hope you don’t mind me bigging up everyone involved wi’ LeftLion, from folk like Reason, Ben and Jared who wok theirsen ragged gerrin’ it together to all the people who write and mek pictures for it, to the youths who gerrit aht the door and drag it rahnd tahn, to all the places that stock it and advertise in it. Sneinta reckons you’ve bin so good this year that it’s Ralleh Choppers all rahnd!

David Blenkey Art Director

Legal Guru Amanda Ball

Illustrators Ash Dilks Kim Thompson Mark Mackay Michael Lomon Rikki Marr Rob White

Art Editor Amanda Young (amanda@leftlion.co.uk)

Norroneh that, but there’s all yer usual faves, all put together by people who love their tahn. Rob Cutforth’s been in a right mither after listening to Jo and Twiggeh, Alan and Little Timmeh have saved you a right job wi’ their listings sections, they’ll be getting an extra satsuma in their stockings this year. Amanda has had a wod wi’ some topdrawer local artists, and Mr Sex is chelping off again (and by the way, my elves have refused point-blank to mek you a Su Pollard sex doll, you chatteh bogger).

Sound Bloke Mike Cheque

‘Each day a few more lies eat into the seed with which we are born, little institutional lies from the print of newspapers, the shock waves of television, and the sentimental cheats of the movie screen.’

Norman Mailer (1923-2007)

Art Director David Blenkey (reason@leftlion.co.uk)

Cos I’m well into me beats, I’m right chuffed that Cappo’s gerring back on it, and there’s a skill interview wi’ him in this issue, along wi’ a big shaht aht to all Nottingham barspitters dem. Keep it Notts, ducks, yer know Sneinta got yer back! It’s mint to see Miles Hunt back again, along wi’ folk like Neville Staple aht the Specials and the bloke who made the latest Robin Hood show on telleh.

Sneinta

Photographers Al Greer Bobby G Dom Henry Jon Jordan Jon Rouston

Marketing and Sales Manager Ben Hacking (ben@leftlion.co.uk)

Obviousleh, there’s some youths in this issue of LeftLion who are gonna get summat very nice in their stockings this year, what with the latest issue being so mint. Little Rikki Marr has cum aht wi’ some bleddy loveleh Xmas deccos in the centrespread, which I’ll be cutting aht and sticking on us tree, like. I’m also dead glad to see that there’s summat abaht shopping in this issue, because folk are forgetting what Christmas is abaht if you ask me: stop being so consumerist, you batchy bleeders, and support your local shops. I’m bleddy sick of snot-nosed youths asking for chain rammell. You get meh?.

Anyroad up, I’m off nah. Mek sure you behave yoursen, don’t get too kaylide, and mek sure you leave a nice glass o’ Taboo and some peas aht before yer goo to bed on Xmas Eve. You get meh?

credits Editor Jared Wilson (jared@leftlion.co.uk)

Hoho wi’ yersen, youths! Nottingham Santa here, Sneinta, if you will, tekkin’ a break from us sweatshop, putting me feet up on an elf, and gooin’ through me list to see whose been naughteh and who’s been nice this year, before I cum dahn yer chimneh.

If you would like to reach our readers by advertising your company in these pages please contact Ben on 07843 944910 or email ben@leftlion.co.uk LeftLion has an estimated readership of 40,000 in the city of Nottingham. In November 2007 LeftLion.co.uk received over 500,000 page views.

This magazine is printed on paper sourced from sustainable forests. Our printers are ISO 14001 certified by the British Accreditation Bureau for their environmental management system.

Dave designs this magazine, commissions the illustrations and occasionally writes and draws the odd bit for it.

When he’s not scratching his head over which font to use, he’s probably trying to master screenprinting. reason@leftlion.co.uk

Rob White Illustrator Rob White is an illustrator who does The Arthole section of this magazine and random other scribbles here and there. He’s designed album covers for Bent, T-shirts for Paul Smith and was exhibited in the Best of British Contemporary Illustration 2007 annual and exhibition. Check his website for hours of fun. www.thearthole.co.uk

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MAY CONTAIN NOTTS with Nottingham’s ‘Mr. Sex’ Al Needham

FOREST AT THE TOP OF LEAGUE ONE ‘ARREST TABLE’

October-November 2007

www.leftlion.co.uk/blog

illustration: Mark Mackay

Get in! At least we’re top of the table for something.

Baron von Carlton Surely Forest have more fans than anybody else in the league? Surely a percentage of arrests against attendance would be a better judge?

Spectrum HQ Don’t know about thugs, but there’s plenty of moaning old gets where I sit, main stand. Would’ve thought most of them were too old to fight. mr.bear As soon as Aggravated Bitterness becomes an arrestable offence, Notts will be challenging for honours once more.

Lord of the Nish Well, we’ve got bitterness and Forest have got arrogance, so that evens things up.

Stillman This is our third season in League One... I guarantee you most of our arrogance has dissolved into bitterness.

Beast of the Bay Another bleeding ASBO maths monkey banging the keys on the stats machine giving Notts a bad name. Surely any journo worth his salt wouldn’t publish these sorts of loaded stats?

Seismik Si

LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION: NOTTINGHAM vs. RUSHCLIFFE I suggest West Bridgford, Ruddington, Bingham etc are changed to RFF postcodes and recognized as Rushcliffe not Nottingham, dissociating ourselves with our crime ridden neighbours!

NCTRCROOKS Keep Rushcliffe, I’ll stick with the criminals. oxygenthievez And Ruddington recently had a £6.4m drug raid.

And I know 3 people in Ruddington burgled recently. And at the weekend Rudd fills with scallies from the big C next door. You don’t need to change much to affluent to get effluent.

MrGeesBigCircus Just move Rushcliffe to bloody Surrey, it’s full of NIMBY southerners anyway.

Badgaaar The only good thing about Rushcliffe is the swimming pool. I grew up in Sherwood, went to school on the edge of Bestwood Estate, college in Bilborough and have mostly worked in the city centre. I’ve never felt threatened and have never been a victim of any kind of crime in any of these areas. theonelikethe I lived in good ole Rushcliffe Borough for the first 20 years of my life and it is lovely, nice parks, shops wonderful, pity 90% of the population are up themself wankers with more money than sense.

Give me hobos, junkies and muggers any day. (P.s.

Mum, Dad, Gran, all those people who looked after me when I was a kid: I don’t mean you I mean your neighbours.)

TheMaze

1 October Secret files released by the National Archives on Rudolf Hess include a letter from a Nottingham bloke offering cheery good wishes to Hitler’s right-hand man, along with a photo of his kids holding up a model Zeppelin. ‘It’s like getting the autograph of an Australian cricketer - you may not like things to do with his personal life and you have to strike a balance in getting their signature’ he said to the Post, whilst presumably popping a photo of his granddaughters throwing an Airfix plane at a Jenga stack in the post for Osama.

2 October Broadway holds a gala night for Control, to celebrate local actors copping a break and the fact that someone from a production company drove into Lenton, looked through a square made from their thumbs and index fingers, and said ‘Hmmm…yes…this looks exactly like the sort of depressing shithole where a miserable Indie twat with a Nazi fixation would want to top himself’.

3 October The long-predicted global recession begins to bite. House repossessions in America reach an all-time high. The Dollar hit record lows against the Euro. UK house prices slow down. A pot of mushy peas at Goose Fair’s dedicated pea stall is jacked up to one pound twenty.

4 October The residents of Wollaton pull back their lace curtains at 2am to be greeted with the sight of something out of The Sweeney, discovering a bleddy big burning Mercedes containing a stabbing victim. Turns out that said victim had previous for using a golf course in Leicester as a front for a massive drugs operation and had buried vast quantities of pills and powders under the fairways and greens. Warning to anyone pulling on diamond jumpers and dragging their irons out the loft; he also guarded said stashes with explosive trip wires.

5 October Nottingham City Transport announces the axing of their regular Night Bus service, weeing in the face of everyone who works in this so-called 24-hour city who quite liked getting home from their shift without having their wallets raped by a cabbie. Sigh.

12 October The head chocolate-maker at Thorntons resigns after getting caught squishing the truffles at Hotel Chocolat. Amazingly, it’s the top story on Central News East, outranking the small matter of a shooting in St Anns. Imagine you’re that poor sod who got shot; laid up in the QMC, with your only consolation being the fact you’re going to be the most important person in Notts at 6pm, only to see them banging on about some gimp mashing up some expensive tuffehs. And they wonder why no-one gives a toss about the forthcoming axing of Central News East.

15 October Those two pissy-knickered house-shitbags on Channel 4 find a new way to raise Nottingham to fourth in the latest edition of The Worst Places To Live If You’re The Kind Of Middle-Class House Price-Obsessed Wankstain Who Watches Shitty Programmes Like This On Channel Four Because You’re Scared To Go Out, by annexing Rushcliffe. Next year they’ll grant independence to The Park and Hockley in an attempt to get us to the top. That bald cock and his hateful pinch-faced bint of an assistant claim that Mansfield is a better place to live by seven whole places, which is all you need to know, really.

16 October Notts County finally sack the former (and soon to be) building site worker Steve Thompson after sinking to the bottom of Division Four. They install Ian McParland as the new boss and go on a decent run.

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19 October The Variety, the club in Radford, which for over 40 years was the only place in Nottingham where you could play bingo with strippers from Matlock, finally closes down for good. Another part of Nottingham’s soul disappears forever, and if you didn’t go, you’ll never know.

24 October A Cinderhill factory worker gets shamed, due to spending £500 on having a two-foot tattoo of Dumbledore on his back, only for said imaginary wizard who doesn’t exist to be outed by JK Rowling. ‘It’s been terrible’, he says to The Sun. ‘I’ve always liked Dumbledore, but not in that way’. Jesus in a jumpsuit, it’s come to summat when a man can use a national newspaper to point out that he doesn’t want to have bum-sex with a wizard in a kid’s book.

29 October Wet Wet Wet (ask yer mam) play a one-off gig at the Hard Rock Café. Two weeks later, the Hard Rock Café goes out of business.

4 November Forest’s projected move to a big new toilet in Clifton is nixed by the City Council, who want a location nearer the city centre.

I know just the place; right next to Trent Bridge. Just behind the Southbank Bar. 5 November Truants at Arnold Hill School bash their faces against the nearest available wall when it turns out that a stripper puts in a guest appearance at a drama class for some lad’s birthday. The school thought about calling in the police, but were worried that they’d only pull the dinner ladies over the counter, grind their crotches into their faces to Hot Stuff by Donna Summer, and make the headmistress suck whipped cream off their truncheons.

7 November Twiggy and Jo win an award for Best European Breakfast Show.

Christ on a crisp packet, who were they up against? A monkey banging on a saucepan in Oslo, and someone drilling holes into farm animals in Bucharest?

9 November A local youth is up in court for reacting to his mate getting stabbed to death in a city centre venue by robbing the till of £324 (and yes, you’ll note he even took some pound coins). Obviously, he needed all those notes to staunch the wounds, a clearly-marked first aid kit evidently not being available.

13 November Whoever is employed by the Post to sit on YouTube all day typing ‘Nottingham’, ‘Guns’ and ‘Oh My God, They’re All Going To Murder Us In Our Beds’ finally hits paydirt when they uncover a video of some lads called the Millz Taliban waving guns about and smoking weed. Note to local gang members: don’t name yourself after a religious group that outlaws everything you like doing.

17 November The latest local crackdown on beggars in town turns up a man whose was identified as dead and cremated by his own mam in Manchester a month previously. Hopefully, the coppers have also got that bastard who pretends to be a Big Issue seller and tries to flog LeftLion for a quid, claiming that we’ve been bought out by them.

19 November A 26 year-old scamp from Bulwell is hit with an ASBO that bans him from every pub in Greater Nottingham bar five, for such japes as waving an air pistol in one pub and puncturing someone’s lung with a fork in another. Every pub in Notts minus five equals a shitload of pubs, making it the biggest bar-out in history and worthy of a place in the Guinness Book of Records.

LeftEyeOn

Some choice cuts from our online galleries at www.leftlion.co.uk

Bison do Oxjam - Sheffield band Bison put on some ska sounds for Nottingham Oxjam 2007 - Al Greer Core Blimey - A packed Maze crowd lets loose to the juice of Isreali funksters The Apples... - Dave Blenkey Ying @ Junktion 7 - Local artist Ying performed some thoughtful folk for October’s Oxjam - Al Greer ImperialTeadBreak - Imperial troops stopping for a tea break at Gamecity’s October talks, no doubt jealous about the new Wii lightsaber being demonstrated - Jon Jordan Goose Fair Flyers - Some people just aren’t content with mushy peas and candyfloss, taken at October’s Goose Fair - Jon Rouston TheLeadingMan - Surrealism is alive and well and being filmed in a graveyard near you - Bobby G Council Tax Well Spent - Always good is this, like a mini goose fair with explosives. Nottingham’s annual firework display is held at the Forest Recreation Ground - Jon Rouston FishMansArmy - Fish Man in Tha House! we know he’s got lady admirers but this takes the cake, taken at Nottingham’s premier pub quiz, held at the Golden Fleece every Wednesday night.

- Dom Henry MrSexMings - Nottingham’s Mr Sex gets all merciless for the LeftLion fancy dress Halloween pub quiz - Dom Henry

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Shop Will Eat Itself Nottingham, as you may have been told a million times or so, is a ‘Retail Mecca’. But is that necessarily a good thing, and what does it actually mean?

words: Ian Kingsbury images: Ash Dilks

The year is 1907. You’re strolling through a British town centre on a bustling Saturday. As you pass A. C. Prentiss, the greengrocer, you give a hearty hail to your old chum Arthur Spurrington, proprietor of Spurrington Ironmongery. You have no iron to mong, so you pass jauntily by. But which city are you in? Are you blind and feeble of mind? This is Nottingham of course; where else would you find Messrs. Prentiss and Spurrington?

The year is 2007. You’re strolling through a British town centre on a bustling Saturday. As you pass TK Maxx, you throw an indignant V-sign at a hoodlum who has just impugned your intellect very loudly from the doorway of a Greggs. You walk on, past HMV and Argos. But which city are you in? Are you joking?

This could be anywhere in Britain.

It‘s becoming a cliché to suggest that all British high streets look identical these days, with any last pigments of local colour washed away by the identikit, homogenised shopping experience offered by chain stores. But, as we’re constantly being told, we will see greater personal and civic advantages due to a stronger economy and supposedly increasing consumer choice.

Nottingham in particular is positioning itself as a (cringe) ‘Retail Mecca’. According to Experian, almost 25 million shoppers visit Nottingham each year to browse the approximately 1,400 retail outlets our city has to offer. In 2007, Nottingham was declared fifth in the UK shopping league, behind London, Glasgow, Birmingham and Manchester. We’ve already got two big shopping centres, the Victoria Centre and the soon-to-berevamped Broadmarsh. There are also more niche (i.e. posher) ones in the Exchange Arcade and the Flying Horse Walk. We’re also going to have two brand new ones, in the shape of Trinity Square and The Pod, which will increase the shopping area in the city centre by 28% to 4.3 million square feet. But do we really need more places to part with our hard-earned wonga and how is it going to change the city?

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I recently sat in on a job interview at work. In response to the question ‘What are your hobbies?’ the mousy waif opposite offered ‘shopping’ as her somewhat timorous response. As vapid and depressing as this might seem, shopping really does constitute the greater part of many peoples’ lives. On a deep level, retail therapy probably satisfies some innate instinct; a hangover from our hunter-gatherer roots, tacked on to our recently-acquired desire for status symbols and personal identity. But when your city has the same merchandise as every other place, more choice suddenly seems like less.

For example, the only kind of shopping in which I can really invest my time, heart and cash is buying music. I regularly lose whole afternoons bothering the racks of CDs in that nationallyrespected Aladdin’s cave of vibes Selectadisc. For me, buying music is all about the thrill of the hunt; turning up obscure bands and artists that you take a punt on and fall in love with for the rest of your life. But with downloads, cheap CDs in supermarkets and megastores such as Virgin and HMV, small independent music shops are on the wane. Derby’s last indie record store announced its closure only last month. Its not just record shops; all independently-owned shops are a dying breed in the city, struggling to compete with the high street behemoths.

Obviously, the news isn’t all corporate and grim. Hockley, known as the ‘Soho of Nottingham’ (by people who have obviously have never been to Soho), is a heartland of alternative lifestyle shops, independent retailers and excellent eateries. A smallscale version of Manchester’s Northern Quarter or The Lanes in Brighton, it represents everything that Nottingham shopping used to have and could have again; choice, style, a strong identity, and a sense of place.

So what of the future? It goes without saying that a thriving retail sector is central to the health of the national economy, but it’s not exactly the steadiest foundation to build a city

upon, especially if, like Nottingham, you already rely so hard on the night-time economy. After all, when the country goes into recession, the first two things that people cut down on are shopping and going out. Of course, if this country had retained its manufacturing base, our economy wouldn’t depend on the high street. Consider the case of China, whose emergent status as a global political giant is predicated on a break-neck economic growth achieved because China makes things and sells things. We, on the other hand, merely buy things and sell them to ourselves… which is a pretty stupid economic model when you think about it.

Sadly, the concept of Nottingham as a regional manufacturing powerhouse has gone, presumably for ever and the void has to be filled with something. So it’s hello to the vast regeneration of Nottingham, which includes a mind-liquefying £400m investment for the expansion of the Broadmarsh Centre, which should see it triple (triple!) in size. Unless they intend to install something massive and fun, like a tropical-themed indoor swimming pool with wave machines, then I personally can’t understand the need for yet more retail space to be set aside for even more chain stores in Nottingham. You end up thinking about what £400m could do for Nottingham if it was put into local schools, or any one of our inner-city estates, or towards jobs that provided more stimulation than standing behind a till for seven hours a day.

In any case, maybe we’ve already missed the boat. With the exponential growth in internet retailers, you could quite feasibly become an exclusively virtual shopper, with Tesco delivering your food, the Freeman’s Catalogue delivering your brogues and angora sweaters and Argos and Ebay providing everything else at a cheaper price. With a long-predicted threatening to rear its ugly head and the slowing down of UK house prices, the new Megamarsh could quite easily end up as Europe’s biggest pound shop.

What we’d like to see in Nottingham A proper cool flea market - a more boho Viccy Market, run by locals, selling artwork, original one-off clothing, knicks and knacks. Stick it in the old Odeon Cinema on Angel Row that’s been empty for years and it’d be like Afflecks Palace in Manchester.

Continuing pedestrianisation of the City Centre. We like it. We want more.

The new Broadmarsh Centre having its own identity. We don’t want another Viccy Centre. Actually, we don’t want the same old Broadmarsh but bigger either.

A year-round international market.

The German Market is ace, but why restrict it to once a year when there’s so much retail space knocking about?

A real indoor food court, like the Camden International Food Market, would inject the dose of continental culture developers and locals are craving, without it being ruined by

our distinctly uncontinental weather.

More Wilkos. Always useful and born in the East Midlands. Nuff said.

No more sport shops that don’t sell any real sporting equipment. Or repetitions of the same chain stores we already have.

No more boasting about being a retail mecca - the real ones don’t feel the need to brag.

A total ban on those adverts on the back of buses from Mansfield that invite the locals to ‘Shop Posh’. It embarrasses us all.

Some Factoids Researchers have found that light purple is the colour most likely to induce us to spend money.

The least lucrative place to open up a shop is right next-door to a bank.

Shopping is about discovering new things; discovering new things is exciting; excitement floods the brain with the feel good hormone Dopamine. So, if you love shopping, you’re really just a well-groomed junkie.

Indie Shopping in Notts

a few favourites...

In 1964, West Bridgford became the site of the UK’s first major out-of-town shopping development. Sorry, that one was a bit dull.

Daphne’s Handbag 67 Mansfield Road

Selectadisc 19-21 Market Street

A cracking little retro boutique purveying a veritable smorgasbord of vintage homeware, furniture and clothing dating from the 1970s.

With a huge range of music on vinyl and CD, Selectadisc has been knocking allcomers into a cocked hat for over 40 years.

Jermy and Westerman Antiquarian and Second Hand Bookshop 203 Mansfield Road

In the UK, goods totalling £205 million were shoplifted last year. This figure only reflects the number of crimes actually detected and prosecuted. According to the Nottingham-based Centre for Retail Research, in 2006 stock loss as a result of crime cost each one of us £72.56.

Games Workshop 34 Friar Lane Luna 139 Lower Parliament Street

Ace shop, with their head office probably the coolest place to work at in Notts, as they have their own Elven drinking hall on site with mounted gargoyle heads.

Crammed to the gills with antiquarian and second-hand books, this is a bibliophile’s nirvana. Also see their sister store Geoff Blore, further up the road into Sherwood.

The undisputed champions of knickyknackery in this here town, covering all eras and tastes.

Baklash 2 Norfolk Place

Dave Mann Music 123-125 Mansfield Road

It’s possible that you’ve never noticed Baklash, which is hidden away opposite Langtry’s pub and the Theatre Royal. It stocks all manner of retro clothing and other delights.

Established in 1970, this independent musical instrument shop specialise in acoustic guitars, mandolins, banjos, ukuleles and orchestral strings. They also do repairs.

Details www.detailsstore.co.uk Swooping people of Notts and the world off their feet with cuteness, and currently exhibiting at Kismet Gallery in New York, this Nottingham-based on-line independent store features cute and whimsical handmade creations from soft sculptures, art, and clay figurines to decal porcelain homeware.

So you don’t even have to go into taahn to get your goodies.

Wild Clothing 4-6 Broad Street Oh My Gosh 43 Mansfield Road

Since 1982 Wild Clothing has been a beacon for fans of vintage threads, which now hang alongside more modern sartorials. They now also have a branch on Market Street called Wilder.

Purveyors of quality hiphop, DnB, techno, breaks, dubstep and more.

Vinyl and equipment are a speciality.

Robs Records Hurt’s Yard The Bead Shop 7 Market Street Living proof that you can still run your own independent specialist concern in the middle of town.

An institution for vinyl junkies. More records than you can believe in such a small space. The man behind the shop is also a well known Northern soul DJ.

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Rob Cutforth submerged his head into the metal box of rubbish music and soul-destroying prattle that is Trent FM, because we made him.

Aren’t we nasty?

When LeftLion asked me to spend a week listening to the Jo and Twiggy show on Trent FM for this column, I didn’t really know what to make of it. I’ve never been a fan of morning radio. It comes on early in the morning, the music is atrocious and the scripted banter makes me want to stab myself in the ear with an ice pick. The last thing I want to hear when I awake is some chirpy twat’s cheesy jokes, followed by some spoiled teenaged brat’s pop song about how much her million-dollar life sucks.

However, the first day of listening to Jo and Twiggy had me thinking they were quite charming. Dim, but charming. Like an old, arthritic mutt that you’ve had since you were a kid, who would roll over onto its back looking for a tummy-rub from a burglar. It might sound like it’s being recorded in someone’s garden shed, but it’s nice to hear a vaguely local accent on the radio for once. Also, it’s certainly better than the honk-honk-wocka-wocka bullshit that is North American morning radio. Or so I thought…

My introduction to Twiggy begins with a story about his family trip to a stately home.

He moans that, after paying for admission, food and parking, he was out close to £50.

My God, I think to myself; this story could’ve come directly out of my mouth. He then does this thing called Twiggy’s Songbook, where he sings excerpts from a book to a popular tune

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and asks callers to guess what the song is. In this case it’s a book on raft-building sung to I Will Survive. I laugh my ass off. I call LeftLion and warn them that I am in serious danger of becoming a Twiggy fan.

Having said that, I don’t have much time for Jo. The woman has (by her own admission) never been in a relationship, lives with her mother and is obsessed with the X Factor. She’s not exactly what one would call complex and strikes me as the type of woman who goes to McDonald’s in Mickey Mouse sweatpants and orders a Big Mac and a Diet Coke, thinking they balance each other out. But like I said, this is morning radio; complaining about it is like beating up a kid in a wheelchair, or going to Rocky IV and complaining about the monosyllabic dialogue.

The next morning rolls around, and I find myself actually looking forward to the show, waiting to hear what Twiggy is going to do for his songbook. I even start referring to it as ‘the Songbook’, as I feel Twiggy and I are now good buds. Twiggy doesn’t disappoint; his singing of The Mysteries of Egypt to Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go is fantastic. Afterwards, he disses Jo for liking the X Factor (yes, she fucking brought that up again) by saying it exploits people. Testify, brother!

I’m thinking about getting an ‘I ♥ Twiggy’ tshirt printed up until he says a couple of things that give us a glimpse into his dark side. He admits to liking James Blunt and refers to the Daily Mail as ‘The Mail’. Liking James Blunt is pretty sad, but referring to the Daily Mail as ‘The Mail’ is downright crazy. It’s like referring to Mein Kampf as ‘ol’ Kampfy’. Alarm bells start ringing, but I ignore them. This is the happy guy that tells jokes to children and sings silly songs! Daily Mail reader or no, I’m willing to cut the brother some slack.

Then ‘Father Twiggy’ makes an appearance. He recites a poem with a lisping Irish accent, dissing Gordon Brown and the inheritance tax, while pumping up the tories and David Cameron. If that isn’t bad enough, he finishes it with ‘I once bit the pillow when I was on a man-date.’

Did I just hear that right? Pillow-biter? I’m all for taking the piss out of people, but resorting to homophobic slurs? Damn, that stopped being funny some time in the early eighties, didn’t he get the memo? I imagine many of Twiggy’s favourite jokes start with ‘A poof, a Rabbi and a Polack guy walk into a bar...’

Listening to the show seems less of a joy and more of a chore after that. I set my computer up to record the next three shows and listen to them at once, just to get it over with as quickly

as possible. In that time, he and Jo take potshots at gays twice more, slight the Chinese, point out that the French ate their own faeces, make a couple of tit jokes and then have the nerve to call Americans ‘hillbillies’.

I’d been told by LeftLion that this show has won a Sony breakfast show award and think to myself ‘who listens to this shit?’ The minute the question passes my lips, it is promptly answered by a caller who says she thinks Posh Spice ‘looks good’. I thought James Blunt fans were rare, but a Posh Spice fan? Give me strength!

I have been listening for three hours straight, skipping past the commercials, music and weather reports, when my wife comes in and puts her arms around me. I shrug her off and snap, ‘Go away! I’m doing something!’ It’s then that I realise just how angry Twiggy and Jo are making me. My teeth are clenched and I have the mouse in a death grip. I have a few more hours to listen to, but I turn it off, go downstairs and apologise to my wife instead.

She says I am hereafter not allowed to listen to Jo and Twiggy anymore. She has nothing to worry about.

Read more of Rob’s rantings at www.leftlion.co.uk/community and www.canuckistani.com

Two-tone pioneer Neville Staple is on the road. This isn’t a Fun Boy Three or The Specials convoy. The musical legend sits in the driver’s seat, ready to bring his solo project to your hometown. words: Robojude What’s going on?

Well, right now I’m in the middle of finishing off an album. I’ve been in the studio and have just finished writing it. I’m on tour constantly. I am looking forward to going to Australia at the end of the year and hopefully New Zealand. It’s one long big tour for me... and then there’s a tour with The Beat as well! I’ve never stopped working! I was working all the time when I was in America and then I came over here. I’ve been here now nearly three and a half years and it’s taken me this time to get my own name established, you know?

What does the term ‘rude boy’ mean to you and how as it evolved?

Rude boy could mean well, two different types of person; rude as in cheeky and rude as in being a bad boy. I think I fall under the first one (laughs). For me it’s not about being a bad bad boy, you know? Jack the lad or cheeky lad... It’s just speaking your mind.

If someone lent you a time machine, what is the first thing you would do with it?

I’d go back to my school days and mess around again.

What is the first gig you would go to in it?

James Brown when he was really hot! Around the time he was first getting big. He was an entertainer, you know? That’s what I do, I entertain.

What was the last music you found truly inspirational?

Bloody hell. Alright... Neh... I’d be lying I can’t remember, honest to god.

(The interview is interrupted by a builder arriving. Neville is trying to find the keys which open his front door.)

Sorry about that. Just having my bathroom and living room done.

What was the last thing that made you laugh?

Bloody hell... I can’t bloody remember! It’s been so long (laughs). Write that in, that I couldn’t remember.

Well, you just made me laugh... there you go.

When performing live, have you ever done or said something that you really wished you hadn’t?

Yeah, erm... Nah, I can’t remember. There’s probably loads of stuff I’ve said on stage and regretted, but I just can’t remember any of it.

Thinking about it, it’s probably a good thing?

That’s just life... It’s just the way it goes. Do you know what I mean?

The bands that you’ve been involved with generally have short explosions of studio recording energy. Is there a reason?

You know why though? Specials for instance, we got so popular and the record companies and everyone wanted to see us. So we was travelling

and travelling and we got burnt out. Then when you’re living together like that, you know? Some bands can cope with it... You just end up arguing.

It’s like a husbands and wives scenario when you’re on the road. We used to do two shows a day!

Do you think there is such a thing as a musical life-span?

No, not really. If you’re popular you’ll always be popular, from Beethoven straight down. The Rolling Stones for example, people will always remember them and as for Lee Scratch Perry he will always be remembered. Maybe not by massive amounts of people, but his name will always be there, you know?

What’s your secret?

Do you mean why does everybody still like The Specials? Because at the time we were something that people were waiting for. We were singing about social issues. What was affecting us, where we were living, and I guess it touched the nerves of a lot of people in different towns and cities and countries. Plus it’s very powerful music when you’re there live.

So you’re there dancing and enjoying yourself and when you get time or when you sit down and chill out you listen to the words, you know?

Do you think that youth is a catalyst for creativity, or does the best music come out of experience?

Experience! I think I’m getting better with

doing live stuff because of experience. You need it! When I started I didn’t have experience, I just learnt it over the years. I know much more than I did then.

Do you think that overall the internet has had a positive or a negative effect on the way that people listen to music?

It’s moving with the times innit? I hardly watch stuff on the TV, like MTV and that stuff. If I do watch it, I watch it once a fucking month.

I hardly listen to radio. Internet, ha, I’m crap at it, but that’s what the young kids are into nowadays. I’m just an old fogey. I’m not used to the internet to be honest with ya. I know it helps to get your records and your name about.

But I have people to do that for me.

Is there anything you feel nostalgia for from pre-internet days?

Erm... when you used to get into a band, you used to know who the fuck they were. You hear a band name now and you haven’t a clue who they are! Everybody sounds the same.

Previously, you could tell different bands, I mean, who was who.

Just out of interest what format is most of your music on?

What you trying to say? 45s and LPs, why?

Have they changed it now? Buying vinyl used to be nice you know.

If you could make music with absolutely anyone, who would you choose and why?

Oh god, that’s a very difficult one you know.

I’ve played with Sly and Robbie. I wanted to play with them. I’ve played on stage with them and they’ve played with me on stage. I’ve done Sting. It’s hard to say, there are so many people I’d love to go on stage with. I would’ve loved to have done it with The Clash, they’re my favourite band of all time.

If there was a nuclear holocaust and you were given the power to save just one city, which one would you choose?

I’d save the place where my mum lives in Jamaica.

What was the last book you read?

It was an Agatha Christie novel. I used to read all of her books.

Is there anything you’d like to say to LeftLion readers?

Come see me play... and check out my new album when it comes out. That’s it!

Neville Staple is performing live in Nottingham at The Maze on 14 December. www.nevillestaple.co.uk www.leftlion.co.uk/issue20

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words: Jared Wilson Notts is known internationally for its wealth of hiphop talent.

With so much competition it’s not easy to stand out around here, but one guy who always has is Cappo. Despite still only being in his late twenties, he’s been an integral part of the scene for a decade. His debut album Spaz The World was released internationally by Zebra Traffic and he’s worked with many of the best in the UK and beyond. Known for his prolific material, he’s been underground recently working on new material. We caught up with him to find out more…

When did you start rapping?

I started at school, I used to write bars in media class with a long time friend called Labels and also used to spend a lot of time freestyling with Stryder and Labels in my garage. We would record on an old tape player and spend ages finding samples off old records and pause button looping them with drum breaks.

I was deep into graffiti as well, that’s where I first started respecting hiphop and realising how important it was to me and how much I wanted to be part of it. A few years later I saved up and bought my MPC 2000XL, which I still use today. That’s when I started concentrating solely on the music.

How did you get your first record deal?

In about ‘98 or ‘99, Zero Theory let me borrow his Ensoniq 16 Plus sampler for two weeks. I produced about fifteen tracks and made a demo called The Cap Tape Vol. 1. I got about forty pressed and sent them off to record labels and radio stations.

That’s how I got in touch with Son Records. They put me in touch with Styly Cee. I met him at his house and we got on well, we started making tracks together and he produced a track on my first EP, and we’ve been tight ever since.

Styly has been something of a mentor to you…

He’s always been an influence in my music. When I first got to know him he used to play me loads of original loops on vinyl that hiphop producers had used, such as the Nas Illmatic album, and I’d have to guess what tracks they were. Through him, I started to get more live shows and meet artists like Blade and Joe Buhdha and I appeared on Westwood. Working with Styly has helped to establish my name and Son Records has put my work out internationally in places like Japan.

Then you hooked up with the P Brothers…

We made the first EP Heavy Bronx Volume One and worked together on festivals and shows. I used to just listen to them and watch how they worked and take in as much as I could. A lot of my production capabilities were learned by listening them. They would always go on the turntables and cut up break beats before they produced a track. They knew about the essence of hiphop and it made me realise how deep the history was and how much I had to learn. Every release was a solid progression for me, building up to Spaz The World.

Tell us about that, your debut album…

It’s still the pinnacle of all my releases. It was really demanding to make and is still the release I’m most proud of. When I hear it, it still shocks me how the drums sound. When I look at my new album I know I’ve got to put exactly the same amount of effort into it, and combine that with the knowledge I have gained since releasing Spaz The World which is why the new material is taking a while.

When can we expect the new album?

There are always hurdles to overcome, but it’s been in the pipeline for two years. I’ve been making beats and filing them away and I’ve got about ten or eleven tracks that are almost there. When I get into the full process of writing the lyrics, I want to travel around Nottingham like I used to and spit bars with everyone. So I can get my mind running to full capacity.

I’d be happy for it to be heard and bought by as many people as possible, but the main thing is that the real hiphop heads in Britain, Europe and especially in the USA get to hear and know that it follows the protocol of how to make real hiphop with no ifs or buts or compromises.

After Spaz The World, you made the two Get Out albums…

Yeah, we made them so I’d have something to sell at shows. I used to go round to Zero Theory’s house and write rhymes while he would make the beat from scratch. We made thirty songs for the first and the second was made a couple of months after that was released. I passed on a copy of the second to Rob Life at the Breakin’ Bread label and they took a selection and released the Get Out EP on vinyl.

Tell us about the people you’re working with at the moment…

I’m always working with Weight Bench and Rukus Regardless, who’s got three albums out called Code Of Practice 1, 2 and 3, which I made all the beats for and Midnyte who has an album called Revision. Me and Konny Kon have also been working on new material. Styly Cee has produced three burners for a new EP we’re going to release called The H Bomb which I’m very proud of. I’ve been writing to a new track for ED 209’s new project and I’ve also been working with First Blood for a track on their album. I’m happy to work with people I trust and know are talented. It’s like a never-ending catalyst for me.

What was it like going on tour with The Herbaliser?

It was a real eye-opener to work with people who have been monetarily successful in the UK music industry. By the time I met them, they were already well-established, so being able to record and tour with them and see how the cogs work on a large scale tour was an honour. We played Belgium, Ireland, Glasgow, Manchester, France, Slovakia and festivals all over the place. I was just happy to be there, it was such a learning process.

Tell us about your current mix tape…

The Directors Commentary Vol.1 is my history tape. It’s 24 tracks and lasts over an hour. It spans almost a decade of my music and features every section of my career. I had a lot of music that hadn’t been heard, but I felt needed to be released, so I did a juxtaposition of tracks from past to present with some new freestyles and exclusives on it as well. It features work I did way back in ‘99 with DJ Prime, unreleased gems with Styly Cee, Zero Theory and ED209, and also has a track I made with The Herbaliser and some tracks from my Resilience EP. It features Rukus regardless, Midnyte and Konny Kon. It also contains demo tracks from Spaz The World produced by the Akai Professionals that didn’t make the album but which I felt needed to be heard.

Anything you’d like to say to LeftLion readers?

My new album is in its final stages now and I’m working harder than ever towards it. The plans are in action, the cogs in the machine are working and I’m at a good point at the moment.

Look out for the new Weight Bench compilation coming soon.

Capps is back in the building…

The Directors Commentary Volume One is available now from cappomixtape.com

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Notts is well known across the country for punching above it s weight in the UK hiphop scene. From some of the best DJs and MCs, to some well known breakdancers and respected graffiti artists, we got all the style. LeftLion takes you on an alphabetical journey through the local scene.

Airwaves

Camouflage

Community and pirate radio stations are always a foundation of the local scene, usually because mainstreams seem to think the genre begins and ends with 50 Cent. These days in Notts it’s all about Kemet FM, but back in the day it was Heatwave, Rave FM, Touch, Hot Wax, Dance, Energy Rush, Globe, Horizon, Power, Scene FM and Freeze.

the Elementz

One of Nottingham’s best-loved hiphop and breaks nights which has been running strong for over four years now. They’ve featured everyone from Plan B to Rahzel to Cappo, as well as loads of local talent.

Samurais of sound Liati and Zoutr have recorded with some of the UK’s best including Taskforce, Rukus and Skinnyman. They’ve also worked extensively with local favourites like Scorzayzee, Karizma and Emcee Killa.

www.camouflage-events.com

www.theelementz.co.uk

www.kemetradio.com

Dealmaker Records Big Trev Trevor Rose is one of the godfathers of the Nottingham scene, and runs the community music studios in St Anns. Many of the other people mentioned here wouldn’t be where they are without his guidance. www.myspace.com/bigtrevs

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Hardworking local label with a quality of output that cannot be tested. If we printed their whole artist roster then it would fill the page on its own, so check their website (dealmakerrecords. com) and if you want recording time visit their new studio opposite the Broadway.

Frederick Nelson (aka Daddy Freddy) Officially the world’s fastest rapper after an appearance with Roy Castle on TV’s Record Breakers and a true star of the UK jungle and reggae scenes. Still a Nottingham resident after all these years… www.daddyfreddy.net

www.dealmakerrecords.com images: David Blenkey (Big Trev), Rikki Marr (Dealmaker and Non-Thespian), Andrew Hemsley (Kids in Tracksuits), David Bowen (Styly Cee), Dom Henry (Pete First Blood), Al Greer (Petebox), Jared Wilson (Smokes and Bluntz), Sophie Cann (XS:

GrandSlam magazine The follow up to the equally brilliant Big Daddy magazine, which featured a good balance of soul and hiphop. Both hailed from Nottingham and had international circulation. Sadly missed.

Back issues still available from www.suspect-packages.com

Non-Thespian

Tusken Coalition

The scientific side of local hiphop with Duke01, 777, Johnny Crump, Dwyzak and Siobhan Lynch.

They’ve changed their line-up a bit along the years, but believe it or not they were on the bill at the first ever Detonate night! That’s over eight years ago now…

Rowdy and newly-reformed collective who feature Lethargy, Blugrass (also in BluMonkey), Kworyl, Dieverse and GZ. The original line-up included Sinic (vocalist from local heavy metal band Iron Monkey, who died way too young). Look out for their new album out now. www.tuskencoalition.co.uk

www.non-thespian.com

UK Takeover Heavy Bronx The label and sometime moniker of The P Brothers, Paul S and Ivory. Both former B-Boys from Notts back in the day, whose mixtapes and production go down equally well in both New York and Hoodtown. They got all the style! www.heavybronx.com

Inna Nuttin Post-Outdaville supergroup set up by Big Trev, featuring Shifty Spirit, Dougie Hauser, Elroy, Shenade, Ventrola, L1 and Ritual. www.myspace.com/shiftyspirit

Outdaville Probably Nottingham’s most talked-about hiphop group of the last twenty years. Their crew included Lee Ramsay and Nick Stez (who later formed the Marga Boys), the much-lauded Scorzayzee (who we hear is about to make a comeback), Karizma (something of a favourite of ours here at LeftLion), C-Mone (the voice of the girlfriend on Mike Skinner’s A Grand Don’t Come For Free, also check out her quality solo album The Butterfly ), Tempa (who appeared on TV with Effect), Fatman Scoop in the rap idol style show ), DJ Fever, Mizz Red, Fedel Chancers), Castro and former choirgirl Sophie Johnson-Hill. www.myspace.com/i_am_

The biggest UK hiphop night in the country which takes place right on our doorstep. Founded by 1xtra host Mista Jam and Joe Buhdha, it’s since spawned a DVD, an album and the Sureshot records label. Everyone from Kano to Roots Manuva to Skinnyman has appeared at one of their nights. www.uktakeover.net

Viking (as in Black Viking) Courtney Rose (aka Black Viking), is the brother of Big Trev and runs a community studio in Radford. He has overseen the careers of Wariko, J Gold, Gully, Fort Notts, Paris 1 and his son Willis, among many others. www.myspace.com/mpc2500

Joe Buhdha Joe signed his first label deal in the late eighties with Submission records, when he had barely left school.

He went on to produce for Nottingham heads such as Mr 45 and Fury, before, more recently, setting up UK Takeover with Mista Jam. He’s been working with the likes of Rodney P, DJ Noize and Klashnekoff. His series of Freestyle Frenzy EPs are pure fire! www.myspace.com/mrjoebuhdha

Pete First Blood Founder member of the local hiphop troupe known as First Blood. The crew boasts the likes of Louis Cypher and Opticus Rhyme, as well as a live band featuring Danny Hughes (Team Hughes) and Liam Bailey (The Soul Parade). www.bloodcypherryme.co.uk

Kids in Tracksuits Cheeky young production scamps who have made serious waves in the local and national scene, with several Radio One appearances under their belts. Their live sets now feature Karizma and Emcee Killa. Check them at the LeftLion NYE party. www.kidsintracksuits.co.uk k

Graffiti is an important part of the local scene, and Notts is blessed with a variety of talented (legal) writers. Those worth a mention include Dilk (who runs the Coverage paint shop in the West End Arcade), Detonate’s in-house designer Small Kid, Rikki Marr and Si Mitchell (both regular LeftLion contributors), Oxygen Thievez, Popx and the people who run nottsgraffiti.co.uk. There are loads more than these however, past and present, but by nature it’s an underground art. www.nottsgraffiti.co.uk

Quality beatboxers Notts boasts several of these at the moment including the Petebox (pictured), Foz, Lyrikool Lipz and LippiCool (apparently the UK’s youngest pro).

XS:IF Nottingham’s hiphop disciple who also set up the long-running Nottingham night Prescription.

Also a founder member of the Cult nights and an early contributor to LeftLion. His new album is due to drop early next year.

www.thepetebox.com

Lost Island The first recording incarnation of Styly Cee alongside lyricist Frisco Boogie.

Their early releases on Son Records are now collectors’ items and part of the foundation our scene is built upon.

Styly’s later incarnation as Pitman, a piss-taking miner/ rapper, created national interest a few years ago with two albums featuring tunes like Witness The Pitness.

Writers

Record shops

www.myspace.com/xsif

Vinyl is the key tool for any hiphop DJ. The trade has obviously slowed down a little recently, but Ohmygosh (run by local scratch enthusiast DJ Squigley), Selectadisc, Funky Monkey and Rob’s Record Mart are still all regular haunts for the crate-diggers. www.ohmygosh.co.uk

Ya Get Me? Nottingham saying brought to national attention in the MOBO award nominated Mr 45 tune Radford: Ya Get Me, which was later covered by Tempa.

www.sonrecords.com

MasterScratch DJ from the Rock City Crew of breakdancers who formed in 1983, at the venue’s auditions to find the best B-Boys in Nottingham at the time. The Saturday afternoon shows they put on were legendary! Masterscratch went on to support Grandmaster Flash on tour and other members joined New York’s Rock Steady Crew. The local breakers mantle has since been passed to All Torque, who later became known as Groundhogs. www.myspace.com/groundhogs_uk

www.myspace.com/45theboss

Smokes and Bluntz St Anns-based rap and grime crew who are massive in numbers and well known in their community. Featuring Rapper Ru, Yung Marv, Smokes, Bluntz, Glockz, 5th Element (formerly of Minds of Mischief) and many others. They also do a lot of work with Mr 45 (aka Ziggy Peng).

Zetia Zetia are a young and talented production duo of TQ and Dr Javelin, signed to the Dealmaker label. Also not forgetting Zero Theory, who produced the classic Get Out albums with Cappo. www.myspace.com/zetiafamilia

www.myspace.com/smokesandbluntzsb98

This is not intended as any sort of a definitive history of Notts hiphop. We’re bound to have missed people out of this list due to forgetfulness, lack of knowledge and page constraints. Don’t hate on us for it! We’re always interested to hear new local talent.

So if you want to make us aware, link us up on hiphop@leftlion.co.uk www.leftlion.co.uk/issue20

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A Songwriter’s Tale

words: Miles Hunt illustration: Kim Thompson

I was somewhere between the ages of twelve and thirteen when I made my first attempt at writing a song. The whole thing hung around what could loosely be described as three chords and as punk rock, the driving force behind said venture, prescribed at the time, that was two more than I needed.

The song was called Speakeasy, and I had borrowed my elder Brother’s Les Paul copy electric guitar, without his permission, on which to compose it. A guitar that I latterly snapped the neck off, whilst pulling some shapes to a Mick Ronson solo from the Ziggy Stardust album, in front of mom and dad’s full length mirror.

The first chord was definitely E minor, I had a book that told me so, but the following two I made up myself and the basis of the song’s structure was essentially The Only Ones’ Another Girl, Another Planet. Only it was far thinner on melody than Peter Perrett’s effort and the lyrics were, without any debate, rubbish. In fact, I can call to mind, in horrific detail, the first three songs I ever wrote.

Accompanying Speakeasy in this overbearingly naive trilogy was The Happy Fields of Thought. This was a wannabe wig-out psychedelic adventure that I describe as such simply because I had employed another of my brother’s possessions, a phaser pedal, which essentially recreated the second verse of the Small Faces’ Itchycoo Park no matter what you were trying to play. The third song, easily the most loathsome of the three, was called Writing Home. It was the tale of a soldier doing just what the song’s title suggests. Nonsense.

By way of respect to my tender years, friends and relatives alike complimented me on these early endeavours, when in fact I should have been firmly dissuaded from attempting the noble craft of songwriting ever again. I have to come clean; in my formative years I showed absolutely no promise as a songwriter whatsoever. So it was that, for the next ten years, I was to be found plying my musical trade behind the drum kit.

Sometime around the spring of 1986 I heard that Malc Treece (the man that would later become my song writing partner for the next twenty-odd years) was putting together a new band and was keen to locate a vocalist. At this time I was sharing a flat with Clint Mansell (of Pop Will Eat Itself) near Stourbridge. Clint had access to a cassette portastudio and on occasion would let me borrow it. I had recorded a couple of tunes I’d written on Clint’s acoustic guitar, vocals and all. So I felt reasonably confident that I was ready to step from behind the drum kit in order to present the recordings to Malc, by way of enquiring after the job of vocalist and rhythm guitarist in his new combo.

To cut a long story short, Malc awarded me the desired position and pretty soon I discovered that being the band’s frontman wasn’t entirely about showing off around the mic stand. No sir, the responsibility of writing the lyrics had also fallen my way and I considered the duty somewhat daunting, almost to the point of resenting the new role. I was left wondering whether leaving the comparable sanctity of the drum stool had indeed been a wise decision. But with repeated application, most often occurring as I traveled between Stourbridge and Birmingham on the number nine bus, I found that the sense of achievement garnered from these early toils was such as I had never before known. I had become, arguably by default, a songwriter… and I liked it.

I liked it so much that during the following eight years I managed to co-write and sing some seventeen Top 40 hits with Malc’s band, The Wonder Stuff. In my opinion, those songs were nowhere near the best that we wrote. Within the four albums that we released between 1988 and 1993 there are songs that I am far more proud of. It’s Yer Money I’m After, Baby may well have pricked the ears of Radio One producers, but to this day I am still utterly moved by the beauty of Sing The Absurd, to the point of doubting that it was indeed me that wrote it!

By 1994, I needed what can only be described as ‘time out’.

Certainly the touring schedule had become tiring, as were the expectations of the band’s creative output even the constant company of my fellow band mates was beginning to leave me unfulfilled; but in hindsight, I was quite simply ‘outta gas, baby’, and that was a first. It’s not a pleasant feeling, wondering if that’s it. However, I truly believe that anyone who has chosen to follow their creative whims as a life pursuit has, at one time or another, experienced the blank canvas that will no longer accept the brush.

To this day, each time I’m in need of a new set of lyrics, I tend to work on the music first. I am usually convinced that the well has run dry, or whatever it is that wells have done when they no longer contain any water. Being over forty, as I can now proudly announce, there are certain subjects that I tend to avoid. The boy/girl, unrequited love motif now strikes me as an irrelevance.

The new breed of writers have it covered in abundance and I suppose that’s as it always was and indeed should be. The idea of a man my age attempting catch the eye of the prettiest girl at the disco seems only to conjure up an image of utter creepiness.

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Many times I have been asked where it is that I draw my lyrical inspiration from and my oft’-repeated response is ‘from my mind’. What I mean to say is that I write about the things that I think about on a daily basis. Here’s an example of something I’m toying with presently: What is the accepted thinking on the subject of pissing in the shower? a) Only in one’s own shower. b) Only in someone else’s shower, or c) Never at all, no matter whose shower you happen to be standing in.

I’m curious, that’s all. I accept that the song I end up writing that considers the matter might not be up there with All You Need Is Love when it comes to an everyman lyric, but it will be a song from the heart. That is to say that I’ll really mean what I’m singing about, as opposed to trying to pass off some nonsensical fluff concerning my soul or spirit that simply carries the tune.

That’s really the crux of the matter.

I believe a singer should sing about what he, or she, truly spends their time contemplating and better still, should absolutely tell it like it is, as he, or she, sees it. My tutors have been, amongst others, Bob Dylan, Johnny Rotten, Morrissey and Charles Bukowski and I’ve tended to believe every word they’ve uttered simply because they sounded like they believed what they were talking about; and furthermore, like they needed to say it. When I hear people say ‘I don’t really listen to lyrics,’ and I’ve heard that more times than I care to recount, they may as well have just informed me that they have set fire to the entire contents of my house. It pains me so.

Songwriting is a dignified pursuit and with it comes a great responsibility, if only to one’s self. There are an infinite number of subjects to cover and similarly an infinite number of ways to express them. I don’t consider any of the songs I that have written to have achieved greatness, but that is my goal and my motivation.

Writing Home or writing this now, practice may not have made perfect in my case, but I’ve had a hell of a good time trying.

Available at The Casual Tailor 14 Malin Hill The Lace Market Nottingham NG11JQ

In my humble experience there are two types of student.

The first is the shy retiring type who lives in the library rather the nightclub and considers Nietzsche, Foucault and Chomsky to be his best friends. I fall into this category, although I do fall out with Nietzsche quite often. The second is the face about campus who can be found puking into their best friend’s turn-ups or hogging the Oceana dancefloor on a Tuesday night. Loay Hady fits the latter category, or rather the characters from his debut novel Fresher do. The book does exactly what it says on the packet, recounting the glorious highs and lows of that unforgettable first week at university. LeftLion caught up with the author, former editor of Nottingham Trent University’s Platform magazine, to try and discover what that dressing up malarkey is really all about...

In Fresher, you talk about the startling resemblance between a mother and daughter at university ‘same green eyes, same thin nose and they even had the same polite smile’. What features and personality traits have you inherited from the Hady family line?

Unfortunately for me not looks, but I guess I’m hardworking like my mum. I would have loved to pick up other things such as punctuality off dad, but sadly I seem to have picked up the whole Egyptian time keeping mentality, which is around six hours late… give or take a day.

The main character starts the book off trying to get over a relationship. Did you have a similar experience?

I split up with a girl at the start of my own uni days, because we were both moving away and I didn’t really want to try the whole long distance thing. The first few months were so rammed, I didn’t think about the break up much to be honest.

Do you think university is about education or escape?

I think a lot of people do it for both. Obviously students who study in their home town and still live with their folks don’t feel the need to get away. But personally living with other people was definitely where I learned most.

In your opening chapter we encounter suicide, the law, homelessness and a variety of other awkward situations. Is this the average fresher week?

I hope not! But there’s a core of truth to everything in the book, so it wouldn’t surprise me if someone somewhere had a Freshers’ with, say… half as much madness in it.

Every time the main character tries to help someone he gets into trouble. Are you trying to temper readers’ altruistic tendencies?

Haha, never! Long live socialism… everyone should help everyone else whenever and however they can.

University life seems to immediately teach him tolerance.

Are such social skills as important as the actual qualifications attained?

Completely, and one can go as far to say even more so. What you learn about dealing with such a wide spread of people becomes engrained in your character and you live with the value of that for your whole life. As for the classroom education, if you end up in a job unrelated to your course, that subject knowledge is going to fade away pretty fast.

There’s an incident in the book where the main character goes to hotwire a car only to realise he has no idea how to do it.

He just presumed he would be able to after seeing it done on television. Is television really that powerful a medium?

Well, let me tell you a story. There was a girl I thought was cool, so I asked her out and for the next few dates she was acting a little strange; saying things that just didn’t seem like her. A few dates later I managed to find out what had changed. She told me on our dates, she was acting how she thought Carrie from Sex in the City would act. Take from that what you will.

For your character, the poster sale was the most important part of info in the Fresher pack. What posters were in your residence?

Ones of sunsets, they are my favourite thing in the world. A Bushisms poster that said ‘Welcome to Mrs Bush and my fellow astronauts’…and of course Toy Story!

What info would you put in a Fresher pack?

Mega money-off vouchers, info about city haunts that are off the beaten track and most importantly, a list of all the health, financial and mental help a student could ever need. Everyone needs one of them at some point.

16

www.leftlion.co.uk/issue20

words: James K Walker

The character mistakes a toothbrush for a vibrator in the book. Was this a Freudian slip or is sex always on a man’s brain?

Originally I toyed with the idea of him putting something of hers on in the dark because he was cold… and that being the embarrassing part. But I just couldn’t make it stick comfortably.

Him thinking of the toothbrush as a sex toy was more about how tired he was and his imagination was running away with him. Though the short answer to the second part of your question is probably ‘yes’.

He befriends a pregnant woman. Is this common at university or are students more responsible?

Definitely more responsible. A lot of people are wiser to contraception and post-sex options than they were in school or college, so even though there is more sex, there’s less pregnancies.

Why do students like dressing up?

Its fun I guess and maybe there’s a typical fantasy undercurrent in a lot of it.

So what’s your fantasy?

For me to wear, it would be school uniform, because without fail people plaster messages all over your shirt. To view, it’s a

superhero costume, as some people pull out all the stops and use the most random stuff to make the most bizarre outfits. Hilarious!

How did you meet the publishers Stone Soup and what are they like to work with?

By pimping myself! Obviously I sent out dozens and dozens of manuscripts and they said they would go ahead with it. They were really easy to work with for Fresher, just streamlining me where I went into the character’s head a bit. For my second novel President it’s a lot tougher, as there’s a lot of sensitive stuff in there that has to be dealt with in a lot more detail, especially in terms of audience. But we’re working on it and they’re really supporting the idea of what I’m trying to do with it, so… I can’t ask for more than that really.

After graduating and being published in Nottingham, have you got used to being called ‘duck’ yet?

Definitely! I haven’t started saying it yet, but I picked up saying ‘ay’ off loads of kiwis while I was travelling, so all I have to add is ‘up me duck’ and I’ll be set.

Fresher by Loay Hady is out now from Stone Soup Publishing priced at £5.99. www.jameskwalker.co.uk/ www.lhady.com

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PUBLIC EXHIBITION : SYMPOSIUM : EVENTS AN INVESTIGATION BY THE NEW ART EXCHANGE AND THE CENTRE FOR CONTEMPORARY ART NOTTINGHAM

LACE & SLAVERY IN NOTTINGHAM

11 January - 10 February

www.laceslavery.org.uk PUBLIC EXHIBITION

SYMPOSIUM

EVENTS

ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST THERE WAS LACE

REBELLION, GENDER & BRITAIN

THE LEGACY OF SLAVERY IN CONTEMPORARY ART

Reflections on the History of Slavery

A Series of Talks at Broadway Media Centre (see website for further details)

Godfried Donkor The Yard Gallery, Wollaton Hall, Nottingham 11 January - 10  February

Keynote speaker: Kobena Mercer with Professor Dick Geary, Institute for the Study of Slavery, University of Nottingham Dr Alan Rice, University of Central Lancashire and Frank Abbott, Nottingham Trent University Broadway Media Centre, 11 January

UNLACED at the D Bar, 191 Alfreton Rd, Nottingham with David 'Stickman' Higgins, Audrey O'Connor and Lisa Jackson Friday 11 th January, 9pm til late

Centre for Contemporary Art Nottingham

Exhibition and residency curated by Michael Forbes, New Art Exchange.

Public programme and publication curated by Alex Farquharson, Centre for Contemporary Art Nottingham.

words: Jared Wilson

The tale of Nottingham’s Robin Hood spans from thirteenth century literature references of ‘Robehod’ or ‘Hobbehod’ to the modern day hero we see on screen.

The latest TV incarnation of the legend is prime-time viewing on BBC1 at 7pm on a Saturday. The chief writer behind the series is Dominic Minghella, creator of ITV comedy series Doc Martin (starring Martin Clunes) and brother to Anthony Minghella (director of films such as The Talented Mr Ripley and The English Patient). We put some questions to Dominic about stolen tapes, Nottingham accents and having a son who is a child genius…

How did you first get involved with the Robin Hood project?

The production company Tiger Aspect hired me. They were interested to see whether we could come up with a Robin Hood series they could sell to the BBC. I knew I would love to do it, but at first I didn’t know how to reinvent something so firmly established.

Did you start by watching all the old portrayals of Robin Hood?

Yeah we did, we watched everything. We made an office into a shrine to Robin Hood and tried to absorb as much of the existing canon as we could. We got old halfpenny copies of Robin Hood magazines from ebay and everything else we could find.

Apart from yours, can you pick out a favourite Robin Hood?

I liked Robin of Sherwood, because I thought it seemed to be of its time. It was mystical and reflects politically what was going on in the eighties. That time was about Thatcher and a hardnosed materialism, against which that spiritualism was entirely appropriate. I loved the Kevin Costner film too. I thought it was an epic story and we wanted to get some of that in, even though ours was on a much more modest budget. I think that to a certain extent we’ve got the epic story of Kevin Costner and put a bit of the cheeky wit of Errol Flynn in as well.

We heard a rumour early on that Robbie Williams was going to be cast as Robin. Was that ever considered?

It was an internet rumour. To be fair though we did have completely open minds starting out, but by the end you could see it was always going to be somebody like Jonas. Apart from anything else, we wanted to make a show that could last five years and you can’t get a pop star to commit for that length of time.

There was also a rumour that Little Britain’s Matt Lucas might turn up as Friar Tuck…

I think that idea came up in conversation between the controller of BBC One Peter Fincham and Matt Lucas. I think they thought it would be a great idea at the time, but nothing else came of it.

It is part and parcel of doing such a high profile show I suppose.

Where did you find Jonas Armstrong (pictured right) to play Robin?

We took a policy decision to hire a new cast because we didn’t want viewers to recognise actors when they saw the gang.

Jonas is actually quite an experienced actor for his age and has a good relationship with Tiger Aspect, as he had been in their series Teachers. He was still young enough to have the potential for the cheek and light heartedness of the Flynn element, but old enough to have been to war and learned from it.

Keith Allen is brilliant as the Sheriff…

He is great fun to write for. He’s playing an out and out bad boy and was born to do it. He also loves being the senior member of the cast and he takes everybody out and has a good time. I just

think he’s mesmerising on screen and I can’t imagine anybody else in that role.

Certain aspects of the show, particularly the dialogue and the costume, seem very modern. Was that a conscious decision?

Yes, that was deliberate. The BBC does period costume drama particularly well, but it doesn’t speak to a young audience. We wanted to deliver a show that was for the family, so we decided to go as modern as we could get without it becoming ridiculous.

That meant walking a difficult line and is quite a complicated brief to give to your crew. Sometimes I think maybe they went further than we wanted… but overall this was the right decision.

I met someone last night who nearly crashed on the M4 back to London because her boys had to get in for 7pm to watch the show and that’s how we wanted people to feel about it.

Would you consider giving one of the characters a modern day Nottingham accent?

Yes, we would. But you can tell we didn’t become too embroiled with trying to deliver a particular accent or other, partly because we wanted to cast the best young actors available to us wherever they were from. If somebody is faking their accent they will be found out. We just told the cast to speak however they were comfortable with. We don’t want to hear phoney accents as it can be insulting and people have an incredibly fine ear for their local voice. The truth is if we found an actor from Nottingham who could do it authentically then we would be delighted. There will be a regeneration of the cast as the show goes on, some of them move on and some get killed in the show. So you never know…

Have you heard about the new Russell Crowe film Nottingham?

Yes I have. As far as I know the idea was to make the Sheriff the good guy and I thought it was a great idea. I would’ve loved to do that if I was doing a film. But for a series you’ve got to keep coming back and our Robin Hood in many ways does what is says on the tin. The only thing I thought was a bit odd was casting Russell Crowe as a good guy. I would much rather have him as a baddie.

On your Wikipedia entry, it says your son Dante is a child genius. Is this true?

He was in a documentary called Child Genius and he is very clever with a very high IQ. It can be quite hard work; it is definitely a curse as much as it is as a blessing. I think what you want is your loved ones to be of average brightness and happy.

He is thirteen and comes up with good stories for the show, but is absolutely appalled by my historical inaccuracies.

Would you ever consider working with your brother Anthony on a project?

Yes, I would but it is unlikely to happen because he writes and directs his own scripts so there no real absence in his skill set

that I can fill. Sometimes we find ourselves talking about a project, but I am not holding my breath.

Some of the tapes got stolen while you were shooting the first series in Budapest? Did that affect the final product much?

Not that I can pinpoint in any specific way, but it did adversely affect the middle to late episodes as we were caught in a state of incredible crisis for weeks. Of course that affected morale and we didn’t tell our cast and crew for a long time because we knew it would affect them. But at times we were very demoralised and anxious, staying up through the night trying to think of different ways of getting our material back. They took everything. At one point there was a story on the internet saying that they had stolen four tapes, but they had actually stolen 400 tapes and that was the entire show. We did eventually get them back as the police caught them, but it was all very late in the day.

Is there anything else you’d like to say to LeftLion readers?

Thank you very much. I am so delighted that the legend of Robin exists and it has been really good fun reinventing it. We are sensitive to the fact that it belongs to the people of Nottingham, but I think that if you want to make a story as good as it can be, you have to change things to do it justice. I do hope this version of Robin stands the test of time. We will just have to see…

See more about the series on www.bbc.co.uk/robinhood The Robin Hood Up Close exhibition, featuring props and costumes from the show, runs at Nottingham Castle until Spring 2008. www.leftlion.co.uk/issue20

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Presenting the LeftLion Christmas Tree decorations... words: Al Needham decorations: Rikki Marr

Want to celebrate the birth of Jesus in a Hoodtown style? Then leave all that baubley crap in the loft, give the 20inch inflatable Santa a miss and Notts up your tree like one-o. From tender scenes of the nativity (if it had been situated in Bulwell market) to the most Nottingham way of saying ‘Happy Birthday Jesus’, without making the outside of your house look like a big neon turd.

wrapping paper on the backs and trim them.

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loopy bit at the top. Nick that one at the back of the stationery cupboard at work.

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if you would like to feature on these pages, email details about your work (with examples if possible) to amanda@leftlion.co.uk

Describe what you do in one word. Womble.

Best creative tool?

My beloved angle-grinder with the Arbortech chainsaw attachment.

Hardest thing about doing art?

Knowing when something is finished.

What would you vacuum pack?

The Bush administration.

What artists would you like to exhibit with?

Jean Tinguely, Bill Woodrow, Fischli and Weiss, and Heath Robinson.

Where in Nottingham would you convert into an art space?All the vacant shops, supermarkets and unnecessary city centre loft apartments.

Best way to start the day? Preferably sometime in the afternoon.

Best way to end the day? Alive Worst job? Toilet attendant at Donington Park for the Monsters of Rockfestival.

Are you an insider or outsider?A bit of both. In order to harness the cynicism constructively.

What do you think about CCAN (Centre for Contemporary Art Nottingham)?

It is long overdue. It will attract a lot of interest in the Nottingham art scene, whilst offering exhibition opportunities to local, national and international artists. I am glad to see more and more creative graduates staying after they finish their studies and CCAN will really help with that.

What do you think about the Arts Council?

They rock! They do a great job of supporting the creative industries and promoting the local talent.

Favourite sense?

Smell. You can’t beat the smell of a roast cooking to get the appetite going.

Or any food cooking for that matter.

Tell us your artistic concept in one line. My work is concerned with subtly lobbying others to face up to our mutual responsibilities regarding climate change, feckless consumerism and the neo-imperial rape of our natural resources. Essentially, I am the fairy godfather of junk.

Best thing about the art community? The plethora of knowledge and experience you can draw on.

Where can we check out your stuff?

On YouTube. See Joe’s Womble-istic Gravity Defying Ball Bearing Run.

Describe what you do in one word.

Superdoodle.

Best creative tool?

The pencil. I wouldn’t get very far without one of those.

Hardest thing about doing art?

Working like a mule in a non-creative job, the hardest thing is finding the time. Some days I’m reduced to intense creative outbursts spanning ten-minute cigarette breaks.

What would you vacuum pack?

Five portions of fruit and veg, six grams of salt and a carbon footprint.

What artists would you like to exhibit with? Bernie Wrightson, ‘Ghastly’ Graham Ingels and John Pound. All three are legends.

Where in Nottingham would you convert into an art space?

The Lawrence Automotive canteen.

Best way to start the day? With Rush rocking the stereo and two litres of Marksman.

Best way to end the day? Knowing you wouldn’t have done anything differently.

Worst job? I once did one that wouldn’t flush. It just wouldn’t go away.

Three flushes and the bastard was still afloat. I said to myself, ‘Christ Almighty, I don’t remember eating that many fairy cakes.’

Are you an insider or outsider? I’m an outsider. But I’m tapping at the window. I’m like Danny Glick in Salem’s Lot. What do you think about CCAN (the new Centre for Contemporary Art Notts)? Fingers crossed.

What do you think about the Arts Council? Funding’s really not my bag. Everything I need I can quite easily steal from partners.

Favourite sense? Common sense.

Tell me your artistic concept in one line.

Leave a sign. You girls know what I mean… something witchy.

Best thing about the art community?

On the whole, members of the art community do what they do for the pure love of it, not for money nor recognition, although those things may come to follow. Primarily they do it because they love to - that’s a very endearing quality to have.

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page design www.alisonhedley.co.uk

Describe what you do in one word.

Mythopoeia.

Best creative tool?

Whether I’m making a site-specific installation, a video piece, physical theatre, a live interactive experiment, a painting or a sculpture, they all rely on aspects of storytelling.

Hardest thing about doing art?

Censorship and respect for forward thinkers, who actually want to make a difference.

What would you vacuum pack?

Anyone featured in Heat magazine; then I’d attach it to a rocket.

What artists have you worked with?

This summer I went on an epic adventure to Texas, Arizona and Mexico. I was ¨ working with Guillermo Gómez Pena and his performance group La Pocha Nostra, as well as learning from Native American Indian Shamen healers, border crossing activists, reformed gang leaders, politicised sex workers and the guy who began the clown army.

Best way to start the day? Mischief.

Best way to end the day? Invisibly levitating on a Möbius strip outside city hall, watching as people interweave each other morphing into a Cronenberg/Lynch/Burroughs funfair.

Worst job? I once worked for the devil… she stole my shoes, the bitch!

Are you an insider or outsider?It depends which alter ego you ask.

What do you think about CCAN (Centre for Contemporary Art Nottingham)?

I hope they support local and emerging artists and help make live art and performance as strong as it used to be in Nottingham.

Favourite sense?

The extra one, which I have to keep a secret…

Tell us your artistic concept in one line.

Exploring modes of audience participation, an artist’s responsibility and aspects of evolving traditions.

What do you think about the art community?

The most rewarding thing I’ve done is being involved with outreach projects and teaching, using my skills to enrich others’ lives. Art is a powerful, often underappreciated, tool. Why do you think it’s used as a therapy?

Describe what you do in one word. Art. Best creative tool?

Gaffer tape.

Hardest thing about doing art? Persuading others to help me do it.

What would you vacuum pack? All the spiders in the world.

What artists would you like to exhibit with?

Peter Fuss, Hannah Phillips and Apexa Patel.

Where in Nottingham would you convert into an art space?

The grassy patch and cliffs by the Victoria Centre car park.

Best way to start the day? With a glass of fine wine.

Best way to end the day? With a glass of fine wine.

Worst job? For Greggs Are you an insider or outsider?

I fluctuate between the two.

What do you think about CCAN (Centre for Contemporary Art Nottingham)?

It’s great for the region. I think if more international and big name artists are coming here, it can only be good for the local art scene. But for CCAN to arrive it seems some other Nottingham galleries have had to close, or have lost funding, and that isn’t ideal.

What do you think about the Arts Council?

I don’t think artists should rely on one body to fund them, but without the Arts Council most artists wouldn’t be able to survive or even create work. I helped organise the Tether Festival in Nottingham in November. We have applied for funding, which if successful will make all the difference.

Favourite sense?Smell.

Tell me your artistic concept in one line.

The gap between insanity and genius, which I suspect does not exist.

Best thing about the art community?

It’s relaxed but ambitious.

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Penny Black

(Tommy, Guitar and Vocals) Who is in the band?

Tommy, Dean, Ben, Emily and Matt.

How long have you been playing together?

It all started in the winter of 2004.

Describe your act in five words…

Bluesy, jazzy, poppy, fun music.

Who are your musical influences?

Everything from Robert Johnson to Wham!

If you could play a gig anywhere, where would you choose and why?

Somewhere slippery because we like slippery.

If you could get any musician in to play with you who would it be?

I think I answer for everyone when I say Craig David.

What’s the best gig you have been to?

The Apples at the Maze recently was brilliant, or maybe Blur a long time ago. I would say Radiohead but the speed I bought turned out to be ketamine so it was a little odd.

What’s the best thing about the Notts music scene?

The diversity and wealth of musical talent that walks our city streets.

What’s the worst thing?

There’s not enough A&R, a lack of baroque music and too few cornets.... too many wasps and spiders.

What was the last album you bought?

Portishead’s second album, it makes me cry, or was it SixNationState? Hmmm, buy them both.

The last book you read?

The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran and We’re Going On A Bear Hunt by Michael Rosen.

Anything you want to plug?

Our friends, our family, our pets and our virility. Also my housemate’s escort service, get in contact for bookings. myspace.com/pennyblackband

Yunioshi

Rob (Guitar and Vocals) Who’s in the band?

Rob Yunioshi, Anna Yunioshi Suzuki, James Yunioshi San and Spaceman Hakushi Yunioshi.

How long have you been playing together?

We’ve only very recently become a four-piece.

Anna, Jim and I have been together now for a year. Our drummer Hakushi has been with us for about three hours.

Describe your act in five words.

Robotic bears toying with breakbeats.

Who are your musical influences?

I’m a big fan of Frenchfried-pop of the sixties and breakbeats so I guess Eddie Bo and Serge Gainsbourg would be high up there. They’d be joined by Beck, Fonda 500 and the Super Furries.

If you could play a gig anywhere, where would you choose?

I’d love to do some festivals next year. We’re planning to hit Sweden and Iceland in the New Year. Japan would be excellent too as we seem to have developed a following out there!

If you could get anyone in to play with you who would it be?

I’d love to get Johnny-Five, the robot from Short Circuit, in as a dancer.

What’s the best thing about the Notts music scene?

It’s full of enthusiastic promoters who genuinely enjoy putting on exciting shows and getting people along to gigs. The atmosphere that creates is great to be part of.

What’s the worst thing?

The fact that it’s widely unknown, when it deserves to be up there with the best.

What was the last album you bought?

Its either Senor Coconut’s A Tribute to Kraftwerk or Fur and Gold by Bat for Lashes.

Anything you want to plug?

Not in Nottingham and Supernight’s Christmas covers party at The Maze on 15 December. We’ll be playing our rendition of Christmas in Hollis by Run DMC. Our new release EPTWO will be released in January. Six belting tracks with guest vocals from ex Do Me Bad Things vocalist The Woods on one track! myspace.com/yunioshi

Penny Black

and

Rebel Soul Collective play the first LeftLion Presents of 2008 at the Orange Tree on Saturday 12 January. Music from 8.30pm. Free entry.

Kids in Tracksuits and Yunioshi play the LeftLion New Years Eve Extravaganza at the Orange Tree on Monday 31 December 2007. Accompanying them will be the Stiff Kittens, Karizma, Emcee Killa and more guests to be confirmed. Tickets cost 10 pounds and are available from leftlion.co.uk/tickets.

More details on page 28.

Rebel Soul Collective Who is in the band?

Matt Culpin (lead vocals), Anthony Hagan (keyboards and vocals), Will Clarke (rhythm guitar and vocals), Jim Woodward (bass guitar and accordion), Hayley Clarke (vocals and cornet), Chris Dawson (saxophone), Pete Gummerson (drums).

Describe your act in five words…

Fun, energetic, melodic, foot-tapping and fresh.

Who are your musical influences?

The Specials, Desmond Dekker, The Beach Boys, The Clash, The Kinks, The Beatles, The Rumble Strips, Bob Marley, The Libertines, Doves, Larrikin Love and Yes (to name a few!)

If you could play a gig anywhere, where would you choose?

Jim: Sandbanks Beach in Poole. It’s a wonderful place.

Matt: Copacabana beach a la the Stones!

If you could get any musician in to play with you who would it be?

Hayley: Dizzy Gillespie or Prince.

Jim: Louis Armstrong.

Matt: Elvis and Joe Strummer.

What’s the best gig you have ever been to?

Hayley: Runrig at York Barbican few years ago.

Electric bagpipes on stage… enough said.

Matt: The Libertines at Kentish Town Forum in December 2003.

Jim: Coldplay at V Festival 2003.

What’s the best thing about the Notts music scene?

Jim: It’s not a rip-off getting in places, cool venues, people aren’t afraid to be different and there’s a lot of diversity.

What’s the worst thing?

Matt: Not many bands seem to get any recognition.

It’s almost in a hub and isn’t as well recognised as it should be for the amount of young people that are into all sorts of music genres.

Anything you want to plug?

Matt: Well, apart from our Leftlion gig with Penny Black at the Orange Tree, we’re currently recording our second demo. You can also get a free CD with a selection of our tracks at each of our upcoming gigs. rebelsoulcollective.co.uk myspace.com/rebelrebelrebel

Kids In Tracksuits How long have you been playing together?

Andy: Erm… a while. Four years now maybe?

Matt: Yeah, something like that. We’ve been releasing music and playing loads of gigs since the start of 2006 though.

Describe your act in five words…

Andy: Big, fat, sweaty, hip, hop.

Matt: Purple, red, black, yellow, orange.

Who are your musical influences?

Andy: Wu-Tang, Cut Chemist, Edan, A Tribe Called Quest, Fingathing, Vex’d, Kid Koala,DJ Z-Trip, DJ Kentaro....to name a few.

Matt: Boards of Canada, Aphex Twin, Madlib, Luke Vibert, Dilla, Keaver and Brause, Autechre, Duckular, Letherette, Hudson Mohawke, Flying Lotus, Lukid and loads more.

If you could play a gig anywhere, where would you choose and why?

Andy: New York! Because I want a free ticket to New York...

Matt: New York, LA, Tokyo… any of those three really.

If you could get any musician (alive or dead) in to play with you who would it be?

Andy: Ol’ Dirty Bastard or the Beastie Boys I’d say.

Matt: Yeah, ODB would be perfect!

What’s the best gig you have ever been to?

Andy: DJ Shadow at Rock City, several years ago when he was good.

Matt: Radiohead at South Park in Oxford or Aphex Twin at Reading Festival in 2002.

What’s the best thing about the Notts music scene?

Andy: The fact that the majority of it is hiphop Matt: We don’t have to travel far to check any of it out.

What’s the worst thing?

Andy: Haha! The fact that the majority of it’s hiphop Matt: Too many indie bands for my liking…

Matt: Shape of Broad Minds’ Craft of the Lost Art. The last book you read?

Andy: No idea. Whatever the last book I read at school was. I’m not really into books.

Matt: Happyslapped by a Jellyfish by Karl Pilkington.

Anything you want to plug?

Andy: The LeftLion New Year’s Eve knees-up, of course!

Matt: Yeah, that and my solo stuff on www.myspace.com/lonemusic. kidsintracksuits.co.uk myspace.com/kidsintracksuits2

What was the last album you bought?

Andy: Percee P’s Perseverance. www.leftlion.co.uk/issue20

25

OUT&ABOUT

LeftLion legs it out of the house with an umbrella just in case and looks at a load of things going on in Hoodtown that you can get involved with. Our people on the street this time are Al Needham and Camillo.

Once Upon A Time In The West There Was Lace Nowadays, the main function of lace is to provide something for your Nana to rest a teapot upon. Yet not so long ago, it was a luxury item of huge importance, and the very foundation of Nottingham’s status as one of the Empire’s major cities. But there’s an untold story of Nottingham’s relationship with lace, and it’s about to get an airing at the Yard Gallery at Wollaton Hall. It’s a distinctly uncomfortable yet crucial tale.

The Market Bar The Market Bar has been one of Hockley’s mainstays for a while now; as a matter of fact, it’s just turned sixteen years of age. It’s not interested in resting on its laurels, however; it’s teamed up a new manager who previously ran the hallowed Electricity Showrooms in Hoxton Square with the one and only James Baillie, the man who started The Bomb and Venus. To say we’re a bit excited about the prospect is an understatement.

The revamped MB is on a mission to bring back the glory days of both aforementioned venues. If you’re looking for another place to pose at the bar in your show-off haircut and second-hand kiddie jacket, this place isn’t for you.

We’re talking serious leftfield here. Think cosmic disco, electro and deep house, with roots stretching right back to the early days of dance music.

Highlights so far announced include monthly residencies from Electro-Funk pioneer Greg Wilson, DIY/Smokescreen and Heavenly Jukebox (the former Heavenly Social, one of the finest nights London ever gave a person). Dive, the regular student night on Thursdays, is going to be a godsend to any NUS holder who feels there’s more to life than waving their shirt about to the Baywatch theme tune at Oceana. The oneoff events are equally mouth-watering; The Garden Festival in association with Oh My Gosh records brings No Fakin DJs into town on Friday 7 December. Then Credit to the Edit and Basement Boogaloo team up for a Xmas party on Saturday 15 December with Crazy P. With so many clubs and promoters playing it safe these days, it’s refreshing to see more venues taking it back to basics whilst aiming for something niche.

The Market Bar has an intimate 330 capacity basement with an impressive Funktion-One soundsystem. More importantly, it should also have your arse on the dancefloor as soon as possible.

The Market Bar, 16-22 Goose Gate, NG1 1FF Tel: 0115 959 9785 www.themarketbar.co.uk

Curated by Michael Forbes, Once Upon A Time In The West There Was Lace is part of the New Art Exchange and Centre for Contemporary Art, Nottingham’s Lace and Slavery season, and has been put together

by Ghanaian artist and historian Godfried Donkor. Aptly weaving together disparate threads into a cohesive whole, Donkor links Nottingham (who made the lace), the Deep South (who provided the cotton to make the lace) and West Africa (who provided the slaves who picked the cotton). The subject has been painstakingly uncovered by the artist, who has spent time in Nottingham researching as many of the local factories

and production methods as possible.

Ironically enough, Donkor demonstrates that the high status of lace prevails in the areas where slaves originated, with images from Ghana and Nigeria.

Whilst cities like London and Liverpool have gone to great lengths to bring their own dealings with the slave trade to account, Nottingham has perhaps been a little reticent. Events such as this, which prize cool reflection over chest-beating histrionics, will go a long way towards addressing uncomfortable truths. It also ensures that Centre for Contemporary Art, Nottingham’s mission to connect the local with the international and act as an important cultural and social resource, has got off to a flier.

Exhibition runs from 11 January-10 February 2008, 11am-4pm daily.

The Yard Gallery, Courtyard Stables, Wollaton Hall. Tel: 0115 915 3920 http://www.ccan.org.uk/

Richer Sounds Spoddy fact: the original branch of Richer Sounds, which has been secreted by the murky depths of the Thames in London Bridge since 1976, is in the Guinness Book of Records for the highest annual shop sales per unit area, with £195,426 worth of stock sold per square metre.

Our local branch on Mansfield Road is one of those rare chain shops that feels and acts like an independent. It’s been operating in town since ’91, and is geared towards the punter who knows what they want (even if they don’t exactly know what it’s called), and isn’t going to settle for the off-the-shelf solution bandied about by your more soulless ear-candy emporium. The staff are knowledgeable yet unpatronising, and you get the feeling that they’re more interested in building a relationship with customers than fobbing ‘em off with stuff they don’t need and never seeing them again. That used to be known as customer service, ladies and gentlemen, and it’d be nice to see more shops behaving that way.

Although Hi-Fi separates have been Richer Sounds’ speciality for over 30 years, they’re also developing a solid rep in the field of home cinema, with a wide range of flat-screen tellies and multi-room entertainment systems, and they’re about to branch out with a full design and installation service.

They’re also one of the few companies who strive to keep their store prices as low as their internet deals – seems they really like meeting people face-to-face, bless ‘em. Their price-beat guarantee means they’ll give you money back on the price of any equipment you see sold cheaper elsewhere, so there are serious bargains to be had, helping you to stay a little richer, which is, erm, sound.

Richer Sounds, 108 Mansfield Road, NG1 3HD. Tel: 0115 924 1551 www.richersounds.com

Confetti Institute Of Creative Technologies Ignore the obvious wedding connotations; Confetti ICT is a wellrespected, custom-designed media facility geared towards giving creatively-minded local sorts the leg-up they need in a range of disciplines; from film and television to recording, DJing and sound production. Simply put, if your decks leave you vexed and you’re less than rapid on the Avid, this place can sort you out.

Confetti ICT has been operating out of Convent Street for 13 years now, and have forged links with both local education (Castle College and De Montfort University) and the international creative industry.

Beyonce’s producers nipped in to have a chat with students when she visited the Arena, the legendary Tony Wilson spent his last visit to Notts giving a talk at their Industry Week conference, and former students are catching breaks left and right in all disciplines.

26

www.leftlion.co.uk/issue20

The ethos of Confetti ICT is simple; to hook up trained, experienced staff with local talent, and give them the education and access to equipment that they never had. They specialise in all creative fields, and are rammed to the gills with kit. They’re an authorised training centre for Apple, Digidesign and Steinberg, and also offer part-time courses in Logic, Final Cut, Pro Tools, Cubase, DJ Essentials and many more. Prices start from as little as £79, with the emphasis on a relaxed, flexible approach to learning. They have full time courses starting in January, April and September; give ‘em a buzz to get your future in the creative industries on track.

Confetti ICT, 6-10 Convent Street, Nottingham. NG1 3LL. Tel: 0115 993 2362 www.confetti-ict.com

When I ca pture my home video Windows into Movie Mak er, the sou out of time nd is with the vi d eo. Am I d something oing wrong?

This is a common p roblem w recording to hen external dri ves via a sl connection , for examp ow le USB 1 or U when reco SB 2 rding high resolution If you are video. using exte rnal drives, using Firew tr y ire, or simp ly record d to your inte irect rnals and then back your extern up als later. Fa iling all that to nudge your , just audio file al ong the tim in your edit e line ing packag e by a coup notches un le til it synchr onises. It sh of be fine whe ould n you expor t it. Also ch your project eck settings ar e set to the as the footag same e you’re ca pturing.

I’ve been doing quite a bit of vo cal recording in but can never se my home studio, em to get the vo cals sounding lik of the song. It so e they are part unds like bad Ka raoke! Any sugg estions?

One of the mo st important as pects of vocal compression. Th production is e human voice is one of the mo instruments and st dynamic of all without having so me form of cont wildly varying vo rol over the lume fluctuation s, you are fighting Effectively, comp a losing battle. ression irons ou t the differences by turning down in volume levels the loudest peak s. If the volume vocals aren’t go levels of your ing up and down all the time, it be easier job to posit comes a much ion your vocals co rre alternative. If yo ctly in the mix. Co u have no compres nsider the sion, firstly it be to get a decent comes very hard recording level, because as soon belts out a screa as the vocalist mer you go into overload and dis A compressor wo tor t the signal. uld act like a ha ndy friend on yo it down as soon ur fader, turning as it detects a ve ry loud note. Se going to find it ne condly, you are arly impossible to set a level wh all the vocals wi ere you can hear thout it ever soun ding too loud. Yo have a hardware u don’t have to compressor and there are numerou bundled with rec s compressors ording software you are probably already using!

Sorr y, I Don’t Sp eak Geek is brou ght to you in association w ith The Stone So up Project. www.thestones oupproject.com

LeftLion welcom es Colin The Gee k as a brand new columnist to ou r magazine. If yo u have question s about technolo gy, audio, vide o, photography, co mputers or indee d anything else, let him know b y emailing geek@ leftlion.co.uk.

A selection of yo ur questions wil l be printed in this magazine.

I have £2 00 to spe nd Do you h ave any re on a DV camera fo r Christm commend as. ations?

For £200 the mark et is satu them are rated go brands su od ones. I’d recom with options and not all of ch as Son mend stic y, king to w are the So ell known ny DCR H Canon and Panaso C47 and th nic. Exam the intern ple mode e Panason et for the ls ic NV-GS3 best price using site 7. Searchin w s such as il l sa v e g a Kelkoo an fe are genera w p e n nies as w d Price Ru lly much ell, nner, as e cheaper o is anothe lectri n the web r option w . Buying se cal goods ith higher sp cond-han ec camera sites such as eba d y, you cou at a barg anything ld pick up ain price. second h a But of co and come on what y urse, buy s with a ou want to ing risk. Overa do with th things lik ll it depe e camcord e nds er. If it’s fo would be family events, ho r everyda lid fine. If yo y u’re lookin ays etc, the abo would re ve mode commend g at gett ls ing into fi ebay and DV mode lm makin look for a l. gI n older C anon X M ini

l e a n t t s r . u . o . y n o t urn e m c i o t u t r r se a p a h t i w to receive a copy of the new A–Z guide to part-time courses 2007–08 (winter edition) call 0115 9 100 100 or visit www.ncn.ac.uk

www.leftlion.co.uk/issue20

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listings...

EXPECTATIONS OF WINTER Looking forward to: revisiting Copenhagen, pumpkin soup, mulled wine, outdoor ice skating and the German Market in the Market Square, Rocket Xmas Playhouse Party: always great and always messy!

Not looking forward to: Xmas shopping.

Sara

New Year’s Heave words: Kristi Genovese

Forget staying in and watching the hands of Big Ben on TV this New Year’s Eve. This is the one night of the year when everybody should be out partying!

Looking forward to: Christmas being over and being 21 at last. Not looking forward to: it being really cold before I get a new coat, maybe having to go away for Christmas and if not being on my own.

Deceased I am looking forward to: bringing back Opus, time off so I can have Christmas drinks without the dreaded work hangover, feeling snuggly in my scarf and gloves. I am not looking forward to: it getting colder (I like it when it’s here, but not the journey), Christmas day, freezing me tits off when I go for a smoke at work. sopus I’m looking forward to stockings, black ones with suspenders. And Glögg, it is the most amazing drink of loveliness in the world. The umlaut makes saying it so much fun too. Glurrrg, Glogg, Gloog, Glug.

Metal Monkey Looking forward to: three boxes of cherry liqueurs for a fiver at M&S. Not looking forward to: everything else.

Lord of the Nish Good: glittery frosty pavements, the Christmas booze run, wearing big coats and gloves, beer/wine o’clock after breakfast on Christmas day, seeing old friends come back to Nottingham, getting some time off work. Bad: getting to work first thing in the dark then leaving work in the dark, Christmas fucking shopping, New Year’s Eve - most disappointing party every year (except the Leftlion one, obviously).

Mr Jones Good: This winter I am looking forward to getting a job, earning some money and spending Xmas in Glasgow with my gf’s family. Bad: This winter I am not looking forward to getting a job and spending Xmas with my gf’s family. Oh dear.

Cash Mark

WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR XMAS? Dear Santa, I want some rest, some good nights out with my friends and a foolproof cure for this cold I keep getting.

Jared I want a spaceship - preferably like the one in Flight of The Navigator.

Raab

LeftLion at The Orange Tree

Firef ly at the Garvey

Not surprisingly, this is where all the LeftLion crew will be this New Year. Even the contents of your stomach at the end of the night won’t have as much variety as this. For hard hitting and honest hiphop, Kids In Tracksuits tick all the boxes; mixing and laying down the beats to take you into 2008. On the vocals alongside them will be Emcee Killa from Lost Project and Outdaville veteran Karizma. Stiff Kittens, LeftLion’s resident DJs, will be there creating a stir with their blend of old school hiphop, funky beats and electro. You know you’ll want to drink your way into the new year with breakbeat band Yunioshi (branded as ‘great innit’ by Jo Whiley). So that’s three hot potatoes on one plate with more to be announced. Tickets will be £10 with a free drink with your ticket, nibbles and even a tombola!

If you’re after techno, electro and breakbeat under one roof then the Marcus Garvey Ballroom will attract your dancing feet. Host to DJs, including the fantastic Fergie in recent years, it’s a mish-mash of shenanigans expected to last until dawn.

Early bird tickets are £10 and the lineup is to be confirmed.

www.leftlion.co.uk/tickets

The Maze

Stealth vs Rescued

If you want to check out a fine array of Nottingham’s musical talent try The Maze on Mansfield Road to sample Majik, Jimmy The Squirrel, Freaky Riverstyx, Penny Black, the Mindless Raskals and 10 O’Clock Horses. The perfect balance of ska-mangled rock fused with dance hall punk and a rustle of reggae. Tickets are £8/10 and it finishes when you do.

Remixing legend Erol Alkan joins the Rescue Rooms for their New Year bash, fiddling about with the sounds of Justice to Daft Punk to Bloc Party. It’s sure to be an event, showing exactly why he won the Mixmag 2006 DJ of the year. At £25 it’s the priciest NYE around, but on until 6am!

audreyhorne A dinosaur, a lightsabre and a TARDIS. Peej Peace on earth would be nice, as would good will to all men (and women), but failing that, a big computer monitor and a chocolate orange.

Cheque Socks and a large tub of Haribo will be sufficient.

Though if people are feeling generous a one-way ticket to Bangkok will do.

Baron Von Carlton How about... love, kindness, shag maybe and no religious anything. minimotel

Just The Tonic at The Approach Alternatively you can shrug off the lows of 2007 and welcome the highs of 2008 by laughing your way into the new year.

Just the Tonic at The Approach gives you four comedians for £23.50! So far the lineup stands as Simon Bligh (with credits including Graham Norton and The Stand Up Show), Carl Donnelly (the newest bundle of laughs on the block since 2005) and Matt Reed who attempts to steer clear of a real job and to laugh at yours.

Show starts at 8.30pm. www.justthetonic.com

Spectrum at Dogma

a DiRtY wOmAn A kitten!

www.rescuerooms.com

www.themazerocks.com

I would like an alethiometer and a piano. tommy farmyard Pineapple Juice

www.ilovefirefly.net

Highness at The Golden Fleece For you relaxed reggae heads, hit The Golden Fleece on Mansfield Road for the Highness Sound system. A tight triplet for over ten years, they bring King Tubby influences to their Hoodtown home, giving you a laissez faire end to the year.

Keep your eyes peeled and ears opened for details of prices and times. www.highnessroots.co.uk

If you want to end the year with a jingle in your pocket why not try Spectrum at Dogma for only £5? This year’s house party is host to Nottingham’s own Hexadecimal (causing dancefloor destruction since 2002), Pete Jordan (resident and founder of Spectrum), Obnoxious Frog (newly established talent on the break scene) and Freeman (Dogma’s latest resident mashing up beats and breaks). Doors are 9pm-3am.

Rock City All Nighter Yes, as always, there is something for you Rock City lovers. Bullet For My Valentine have chosen to welcome the new year in Nottingham and want you to join them. The usual rock star antics will go on all night, as will the bar. If this puts you in unknown territory, down shots of Jagermeister, pretend you’re in Slayer and bring your air guitar. Tickets are £20.

www.spectrum48k.com

www.rock-city.co.uk

Wholesome Fish at Deux

Audiophile at Ride Bar

Basement Moogaloo

Tucked out of the way between Carrington and Forest Fields, Deux is a friendly local bar that offers a consistently good selection of beer as well as regular live music nights.

Their NYE line-up features local legends Wholesome Fish. Tickets are £6 in advance.

A collection of talented local DJs will be taking on Ride bar including Raw Hedroom, Rhythm Plate, Frakah, ZeroZero, Mood Gremlin, Stunt Brothers, Chosen Ones vs Rogue Fingers and Supine.

Residents from Basement Boogaloo will be rocking out the Funktion One Soundsystem at Moog this NYE. Tickets are just £3 in advance. www.face-the-music.co.uk

Now there’s no excuse to sit at home nursing the Christmas brandy! Take your pick but whatever happens make sure you enter the New Year with music in your hear. Happy 2008!

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www.leftlion.co.uk/issue19 www.leftlion.co.uk/issue20

listings...

Saturday 01/12 LeftLion Presents Venue: The Orange Tree Price: Free Times: 8pm - 12am Left of The Dealer, Freaky Riverstyx and Stiff Kittens DJs. Wildside Clubnight Venue: Junktion 7 Times: 9pm - 2am Charlottefield Venue: Rose of England Price: £4 Times: 8.30pm The Dandelions Venue: Hubb Price: Free Times: 8.30pm - late Pure Filth Style: Techno, DnB, Dubstep Venue: BluePrint Price: £5 Adv / £6 door Times: 10pm – 3am Makaton (live).

Basement Boogaloo Style: Disco, House Venue: Maze Price: £5 Times: 11pm - 4am Phil Cooper, Ste Hodge (Sick Trumpet), Nick Shaw and Ed Cotton.

Hot Tramp Venue: Market Bar Price: £6 / £7 (NUS) Times: 10pm - 4am Riotous Rockers, GW2M, The Gucci Sound-Sytem and La La Lepus.

S.P.A.M Venue: Price:

Rescue Rooms £5 / £6

Bring Me The Horizon Venue: Rock City Price: £10 Crowded House Venue: Nottingham Arena Price: £35 Wild Wood Venue: Southbank Bar Price: Free Times: 8pm Joe Strange Band Venue: Approach Price: Free Times: 8pm Plus Roy De Wired.

Chaos Theory Venue: Templars Bar Messiah Venue: Price: Times:

Royal Centre £8 - £15 7pm

Stealth V Rescued Venue: Stealth Price: Free / £5 / £6 Times: 9pm - 4am Audiojack, Rory Phillips, Semifinalists, Dave Congreve and Matt Tolfrey.

Log Jam Venue: Loggerheads Price: Free Matt Mariott, Martin Sanders, Gareth Bidder, The Blessed Ants, Joel White, Brynley G Jones and more tbc.

Sunday 02/12 Michael Bublè Venue: Nottingham Arena Price: £37.50 Times: 7.30pm Pickled Dick Venue: Junktion 7 Price: £6 Times: 7.20pm - 11.30pm Neil From Lightyear, Arse Full of Chips and Change of Scene.

Sunday 02/12

Wednesday 05/12

Establishment Venue: Southbank Bar Price: Free Times: 8pm

The Good Venue: Price: Times:

Songwriters Sunday Special!

Venue: Maze Price: £4 Times: 8pm

Radar Venue: Times:

Tom Brosseau Venue: Bodega Social Price: £6 adv Times: 8pm - 11pm Plus Andy Whittle and Yonokiero.

Monday 03/12 Cafe Scientifique and Culturel Alternative Style: Venue: Muse Price: Free Times: 8pm Shed Seven Venue: Rock City Price: Sold Out Tom Wardle Venue: Southbank Bar Price: Free Times: 8pm Lucero Venue: Price: Times:

Maze £8 7.30pm

Tuesday 04/12 David Blazye Venue: Hubb Price: Free Times: 7pm Acoustic Tuesdays Venue: Malt Cross Price: Free Times: 8pm - 11pm

Life Bodega Social £10 adv 7pm - 10pm Bodega Social 11pm - 3am

Thursday 06/12 Deli Venue: Hubb Price: Free Times: 7pm Cool Jazz and Funky World Sounds.

Dive Electro, Breaks, Indie Style: Venue: Market Bar Times: 10pm - 4am DJ Jack Smedley.

7Music Presents Venue: Junktion 7 Price: £4 Times: 7.30pm - 11.30pm Zenith, Fallen Friend, Millicent Grov and Minus Sam. Silverstein Venue: Rock City Price: £8 Tom Wardle Venue: Walkabout Price: £2 Times: 10pm - 2am Upstairs the Live Lounge has been transformed to a comfortable surrounding where you can relax and take in the live act.

Open Decks Venue: Wax Cafe Price: Free Times: 5pm – 12am

Friday 07/12

Castle College Presents Venue: Junktion 7 Price: £2 / £3 Times: 7.30pm - 11.30pm

Kings of Leon Venue: Nottingham Arena Price: £22.50 Times: 7.30pm

From The Jam Venue: Rock City Price: £20

Homebaked Live Venue: Muse Ambush Mob and Vinyl[Abort].

Josh Rouse Venue: Rescue Rooms Price: £16

Spectrum Nottingham Style: Breaks, Electro, Funk Venue: Stealth Price: £8 adv (NUS) Times: 10pm-5am Alice Russell and TM Juke (live), FreQ Nasty, Baobinga and I.D. Pete Jordan, Freeman, Dave Boultbee and Matt Scrimshire.

Lethal Bizzle Venue: Stealth Price: £10 Hothouse Venue: Price: Times:

Theatre Mag Night Maze £4 7.30pm

Nicky Blackmarket Venue: Igloo Akron Family Venue: Bodega Social Price: £8 adv Times: 8pm - 11m Plus Phosphorescent.

Wednesday 05/12 Sam Baker Venue: Maze Price: £4 Times: 8pm Plus Otis Gibbs.

Urban Intro Venue: Approach Price: Free Times: 7pm Boy Hits Car Venue: Junktion 7 Price: £6 / £8 Times: 7.30pm - 11.30pm Plus Car Crash Television, Bitune and Numb.

Icicle Works Venue: Rescue Rooms Price: £16

The Garden Festival Style: Hiphop Venue: Market Bar No Fakin DJs, Furious P, DJ Squigley, Nick Shaw and Daddio.

O Lovely Lie Venue: Junktion 7 Price: £4 Times: 8pm - 2am And The Earth Died Screaming and Her Name is Calla.

Future of the Left Venue: Rock City Price: £8 Mint Ive Venue: Price: Times:

Bunkers Hill Inn Free 9pm

Urban Intro Venue: Approach Price: Free Times: 8pm The Rubber Room Style: Electro Venue: Bodega Social Times: 11pm - 3am Martin Laurie, Nick Smith and Juke-Joint Bryan.

music / weeklies / comedy /exhibitions / theatre

Saturday 08/12 Rihanna Venue: Price: Times:

Nottingham Arena £27.50 7pm

Sunday 09/12 Panocha Quartet Venue: Lakeside Arts Centre Price: £12 (NUS) Times: 7.30pm

Detonation Style: DnB Venue: Marcus Garvey Price: £15 adv (NUS) Times: 10pm - 6am Kenny Ken B2B Randall (jungle), Doc Scott (History of Metalheadz), Ed Rush (Wormhole set), Die and Clipz (Bristol retrospective), Transit Mafia (Detonate classics).

MCs: Flux, SP, Rymetyme and E-LL.

Status Quo Venue: Nottingham Arena Price: £31.50 Times: 7.30pm

Johnny Dickinson Venue: Deux Price: £8 / £10 Times: 8.30pm

Ocean Colour Scene Venue: Rock City Price: £24

Supersonic - Live Music Venue: Hubb Price: Free Times: 8.30pm - late Psycle - Xmas Special Style: Techno, DnB, World Venue: BluePrint Price: £6 Times: 10pm - late Psycle Residents, Monkeylogik and The Laughing Room.

Culture Clash Venue: Market Bar Price: £6 / £7 (NUS) Times: 10pm - 4am Don Letts, The Rev Martin Nesbitt and special guest tbc.

Noodle Style: Electronica, Techno, Hiphop Venue: Moog Price: Free Times: 8pm - 2am Mike Hooker, DJ Special X, Moon, Boy, DJ Weiss, Matt Hinton, JoZee, Slipz, Opticus Ryme and LGM. Lo Fidelity Allstars Venue: Rescue Rooms Price: £10 CSS Venue: Price:

Rock City £10

Jimmy The Thief Venue: The Lion Hotel Price: Free Times: 9.30pm The Messengers Venue: Southbank Bar Price: Free Times: 8pm Joe Strange Band Venue: Approach Price: Free Times: 8pm Plus Roy De Wired.

Drowned in Sound Venue: Junktion 7 Price: £4 / £5 / £6 Times: 8pm - late Rolo Tomassi, We Are The Physics, Shut Your Eyes and You’ll Burst Into Flames, The Jutes and The Score.

Mini Montage Venue: Maze Times: 2pm - 2am I’m Not From London and Audio Massage Presents.

Jenny Owen Youngs Venue: Bodega Social Price: £6 adv Times: 7pm - 10pm Stealth V Rescued Venue: Stealth Price: Free / £5 / £6 Times: 9pm - 4am Kissy Sell Out, Primary One and Dollop DJs. Mass Appeal Venue: Muse Price: Free Dj Priceless.

Origamibiro Performing Live Venue: Malt Cross Price: £2 Times: 8pm The Joy of Box, Expanding Records DJs and support.

Minus The Bear Venue: Rescue Rooms Price: £10 Rolling Clones Venue: Southbank Bar Price: Free Times: 8pm Nottingham Festival Opera Venue: Royal Centre Price: £8 - £18 Times: 7.30pm Jingle Bells.

Fly on The Wall Venue: Junktion 7 Price: £5 / £7 Times: 5.30pm - 12am Splitters, Giants Fall, Stupid Stupid Stupid and Steve, Scott Free and Mindless Raskals.

Monday 10/12 UB40 Venue: Price: Times:

Nottingham Arena £32.50 7.30pm

Cafe Scientifique and Culturel Style: Alternative Venue: Muse Price: Free Times: 8pm Porcupine Tree Venue: Rock City Price: £19 Richie Muir Venue: Southbank Bar Price: Free Times: 8pm Centurion Venue: Junktion 7 Price: £4 / £5 Times: 7.30pm - 12am Plus A Farewell Fall, A Second Blessing and Confined To Your Reflection.

Tuesday 11/12 Acoustic Tuesdays Open Mic Venue: Malt Cross Price: Free Times: 8pm - 11pm The Verve Venue: Nottingham Arena Price: £32.50 Julie and Neil Smith Venue: Hubb Plus Eddi One Night Only Venue: Rock City Price: £7 NCN College Showcase Venue: Maze Price: £3 Times: 8pm Pitty Patt Club Venue: Bodega Social Price: £6 adv Times: 8pm - 2am Fanny Devine, Netty Page, Fleur Du Mail, Minty Darkstar, Little Miss Mort and The DeVille Dolls.

listings...

Wednesday 12/12 The Slackers Venue: Rock City Price: £10 Subhumans Venue: Maze Price: £7 / £8 Times: 8pm Plus Minus Society and more tbc.

Notts Uni Venue: Price: Times:

Rocksox Xmas Party Junktion 7 £2 / £3 9pm - 2am

Thursday 13/12 Hard-Fi Venue: Price: Times:

Nottingham Arena £22.50 7pm

Buster Venue: Price: Times:

Approach Free 7pm

Recognize Venue: Muse Price: Less than a pint.

The Hot Club Venue: Hubb Dive Style: Venue: Times:

Electro, Breaks, Indie Market Bar 10pm - 4am

Evile Venue: Price:

Rock City £3.50

Young Gods Venue: Rescue Rooms Price: £9 Kris Ward Venue: Southbank Bar Price: Free Times: 8pm Hidden Talents (women only) Venue: Maze Price: £3 / £5 Times: 8.30pm Sarah Clifee and Wallace Venue: Walkabout Price: £2 Times: 10pm - 2am Radar Venue: Bodega Social Times: 11pm - 3am DJs Joel, Aoife 3000 and Ross.

The Arcane Venue: Junktion 7 Price: £3 Times: 7.30pm - 12am Plus Kalena, Benno Blum and Karl Wakeling.

Friday 14/12 Misst Style: Dubstep, Dub Venue: Marcus Garvey Price: £6 / £7 (NUS) Times: 10pm - 3am Distance, Headhunter, Distinction and Blitz b2b BashyFlash.

The Pogues Venue: Nottingham Arena Price: £28.50 Times: 6.30pm Roy De Wired Venue: Approach Price: Free Times: 7pm Old Basford Venue: Hubb Price: Free Times: 7pm Good Shoes Venue: Rescue Rooms Price: £8 Kill Hannah Venue: Rock City

Friday 14/12

Sunday 16/12

Thursday 20/12

Mark James Venue: Bunkers Hill Inn Price: Free Times: 9pm

Folked Up Venue: Price: Times:

Joe Strange Band Venue: Southbank Bar Price: Free Times: 8pm

Bad Manners Venue: Rescue Rooms Price: £15

Margy McMullin Band Venue: Hubb Featuring Hugh Pascall on Trumpet.

Establishment Venue: Southbank Bar Price: Free Times: 8pm

Lunarmile Venue: Rock City Price: £3.50

Skaville Xmas Party Venue: Maze Price: £12 Times: 9pm Neville Staples Band (formerly of The Specials).

Manifesto Venue: Templars Bar Trent Uni break up party.

Peggy Sue and The Pirates Venue: Bodega Social Price: £6 adv Times: 7pm - 10am The Rubber Room Venue: Bodega Social Price: Free Times: 11pm - 3am With DJs Martin Laurie, Nick Smith and Juke-Joint Bryan.

Evil Scarecrow Venue: Junktion 7 Price: £3 / £4 (NUS) Times: 8pm - 2am Plus Black River Project and Detonal State.

Saturday 15/12 Jeff Wayne’s The War of The Worlds Venue: Nottingham Arena Price: £39.50 Times: 8pm

- The Amber Herd Loft Free From 8pm

music / weeklies / comedy /exhibitions / theatre

Mindvox Xmas Party Venue: Maze Price: £4 / £5 Times: 6pm New Offenders, The Fideal Effect, Night Parade and more tbc.

Just The Tonic Venue: Approach Price: £5.50 / £7.50 (NUS) Times: 7.15pm Simon Bligh, Mick Sergeant and Chris Cairns.

Monday 17/12 M.I.A Venue: Price:

with The Rat Pack Royal Centre £21.50 - £27.50 7.30pm

Tuesday 18/12

Folkwit Christmas Special Venue: Deux Price: £3 Times: 8.30pm

LeftLion Unplugged Venue: Malt Cross Price: Free Times: 8pm - 11pm

Satnamstash Venue: Hubb Price: Free Times: 8.30 - late

Dawn Pickering Venue: Hubb

Credit To The Edit Venue: Market Bar Price: £6 / £8 (NUS) Times: 10pm - 6am Greg Wilson, Nick Shaw, Ed Cotton and Crazy P.

2007 Thunder Xmas Knees Up Venue: Rock City Price: £29

Adam Bomb Venue: Rock City Price: £3.50 Bad Dog Venue: Price: Times:

Southbank Bar Free 8pm

Supernight / Not in Nottingham Venue: Maze Price: £3 Times: 8.30pm Yunioshi, Don Ramos, Orchards, Fists, Cuban Crimewave and Sidecar Swampy.

The Creepshow Venue: Bodega Social Price: £6 Times: 7pm - 10pm Higness Sound-System Style: Roots, Reggae, Dub Venue: Bodega Social Price: £5 Times: 11pm - 4am Stealth V Rescued Venue: Stealth Price: Free / £5 / £6 Times: 9pm - 4am Nathan Coles, Mark Pearson and Sam Phillips.

Bison Venue: Junktion 7 Price: £5 (NUS) Times: 9pm - 2am Inland Knights and Paul Murphy.

Approach Free 7pm

Richie Muir Venue: Walkabout Price: £2 Times: 10pm - 2am Radar Style: Indie, Electro Venue: Bodega Social Joel, Aoife 3000 and Ross.

Two:Minutes Hate Venue: Junktion 7 Price: £2 / £3 / £4 Times: 7.30pm - 12am Plus Blood Divided, Deny The Charge and Hellequin.

Friday 21/12 Rescue Rooms £10

Adventure Club Venue: Maze Price: £4 / £5 Times: 8pm - 11ish Josie Long compares, acts tbc.

Christmas Venue: Price: Times:

Buster Venue: Price: Times:

Wednesday 19/12

Mcdonald Bros Venue: Maze Times: 8pm

DSFAR Xmas Party Venue: Rescue Rooms Price: £4 / £5 Times: 8pm - 3am The Parallelograms, Pocketbooks, The Deirdres and DSFAR DJs. Farmyard Xmas Party Venue: Maze Price: Free Times: 9pm Left of the Dealer, Six Nation State and Guest TBA. Audiophile Style: Disco, Electro Venue: Moog Price: Free before 10pm Times: 8pm - late Nick Davey, Smokey P, Chosen Ones and Supine.

DIY and Smokescreen Xmas Style: House Venue: Market Bar Price: Free Times: Until 4am Littlemen, Digs and Whoosh, and Simon DK. Doodle Style: Venue: Price:

Indie, Electro Bodega Social Free / £3

Saturday 22/12 Electric Church Venue: Deux Price: Free Times: 8.30pm Joe Strange Band Venue: Approach Price: Free Times: 7pm The Saltwater Xmas DJ Party Style: Funk, Disco Venue: Saltwater Price: Free Times: 8pm - 2am Alex Traska, Peej and Fran Green, Matt, Dave Smith and more tbc.

Deviant Disco Venue: Market Bar Price: £6 / £8 (NUS) Times: 10pm - 4am Phil Mison, Deepsoul Three and Ally Reilly.

Genotype Style: Venue: Price: Times:

Electronica, Techno Templars Bar £3 / £4 9:30pm - 2am

Love/Hate Reunion (Jizzy, Joey, Skid) Venue: Rescue Rooms Price: £15 Wibble Vs Psycle Venue: Igloo Times: 10pm - late Stealth V Rescued Venue: Stealth Price: Free / £5 / £6 Times: 9pm - 4am Matt Tolfrey, DJ Hal and more tbc.

Censored Venue: Junktion 7 Price: £4 Times: 8pm - 2am

Monday 24/12 Andy Whittle and Friends Venue: Deux Price: £5 / £7 Times: 8.30pm Christmas Venue: Price: Times:

Eve Party Hubb Free 6pm – late

listings...

Thursday 27/12 The Wilkinson Brothers Venue: Hubb Guitar Keyboard Grooves from Sunny Barcelona.

Tom Wardle Venue: Walkabout Price: £2 Times: 10pm - 2am

Friday 28/12 Roy De Wired Venue: Approach Price: Free Times: 7pm Misst Vs Wigflex Venue: Igloo Price: tbc Times: 9pm Sublogik Venue: Price: Times:

Maze £3 / £4 9pm

Dollop Style: Venue: Price: Times:

Indie, Electro, Bodega Social Free / £3 11pm - 3am

Saturday 29/12 Ronnie Londons Groove Lounge Style: Sixties Venue: Grosvenor Price: £4 Times: 8pm-1am The Midlands Dance Club Venue: Hubb Price: Free Times: 8.30 – late Venus Reunion Party Venue: Market Bar Price: £6 / £8 (NUS) Times: 10pm - 4am Jamies Baillie presents a night of music from 1991 - 1995 with Christian Woodyatt, Paul Wain, Timm, Thatcher, Laurie and Dean.

Joe Strange Band Venue: Approach Price: Free Times: 8pm Plus Roy De Wired Smokescreen Venue: Maze Price: Free Times: 10pm Electronica Style: Electronica Venue: Templars Bar Times: 10pm - 4am The Hu$tle Style: Funk, Soul, Hiphop Venue: Bodega Social Price: Free / £3 Times: 11pm - 3am Daddy Bones, Detail and King Kalhua.

Sunday 30/12 The Glenn Venue: Price: Times:

Miller Orchestra Royal Centre £13 - £17.50 5pm

Monday 31/12 Audiophile NYE Party Style: Reggae, House, Techno Venue: Ride Bar Price: £5 adv Times: 7pm - late Raw Hedroom, Rhythm Plate, Frakah, ZeroZero, Mood Gremlin, Stunt Brothers, Chosen Ones v Rogue Fingers and Supine.

New Year Log Jam Venue: Loggerheads Price: Free Some of the finest acoustic talent in and around Nottingham.

Monday 31/12 LeftLion New Years Eve Venue: The Orange Tree Price: £10 adv Times: 9pm - 2am The last two LeftLion New Year’s parties have been fantastic and sold out fast. This year we have Kids in Tracksuits, Yunioshi, Stiff Kittens, MC Killa and Karizma. Join us!

Firefly NYE Allnighter Venue: Marcus Garvey Styles: Techno, Breaks Price: £10 / £20 / more otd Times: 10pm - 6am Freeform 5, Elite Force, Jeet, Max Cooper, Ross Eden and more tbc.

Friday 04/01 Johann Strauss Gala Venue: Royal Centre Price: £17.50 - £23.50 Times: 7.30pm Plastic Milk Bottle Venue: Junktion 7 Price: £4 Times: 8pm - 2am Plus Piano and Second Monday.

The Paul Poulton Project Venue: Hubb Rock, Funk, Blues – sounds like Paul Simon in a rock band.

Saturday 05/01

Highness Venue: Price: Times:

New Years Eve Golden Fleece £10 10pm - 4am

Joe Strange Band Venue: Approach Price: Free Times: 9pm

Spectrum Style: Venue: Price: Times:

NYE Breaks, Electro Dogma £5 (NUS) 9pm - 3am

Jason Heart Band Venue: Southbank Bar Price: Free Times: 8pm

Wholesome Fish NYE Venue: Deux Price: £6 Times: 8pm New Years Eve Party Venue: Hubb Price: Free Times: 8pm – late NYE - Erol Alkan Venue: Stealth Price: £16 Bullet for My Valentine Venue: Rock City Price: £20 New Years Eve Party Venue: Rock City Price: £10 New Years Eve Party Venue: Maze Price: £8 Times: 7pm - late Left of the Dealer, Penny Black, Jimmy the Squirrel, Freaky Riverstyx, Mindless Raskals and Majik.

New Years Eve Venue: Bodega Social Times: 10pm - 3am Sinfonia ViVA New Years Eve Venue: Royal Centre Price: £12 - £27 Times: 7.30pm New Years Eve Party Venue: Junktion 7 Price: Free Times: 9pm - 4am Sheriff Fatman, Zenith and Millicent Grove.

Thursday 03/01 The Establishment Venue: Approach Price: Free Times: 7pm Jan Wendy Kirkland Band Venue: Hubb Organ, guitar and drums trio.

Friday 04/01 Urban Intro Venue: Bunkers Hill Inn Price: Free Times: 9pm Charity Gig Venue: Maze Price: Donations Emmit Brown, Penny Black, Apocolyptic Vibrations and Architect of Autumn. Plus a winter hog roast.

Amusements Parks on Fire (tbc) Venue: Maze Times: 9pm Satans Minions, Good Luck Fox and Cuban Crimewave.

Tuesday 08/01 Max Johnson and Company Venue: Hubb Price: Free

Thursday 10/01 Jan Rich, Wayne and Miff Venue: Hubb Urban Intro Venue: Southbank Bar Price: Free Times: 8pm

Friday 11/01 Roy De Wired Venue: Approach Price: Free Times: 9pm Joe Strange Band Venue: Southbank Bar Price: Free Times: 8pm Hothouse Venue: Price: Times:

Theatre Mag Night Maze £4 8pm

Saturday 12/01 LeftLion Presents Venue: The Orange Tree Price: Free Times: 8pm - 12am Penny Black, Rebel Soul Collective and Stiff Kittens DJs. Noodle Style: Techno, Electro Venue: Moog Price: free 8pm - 2am Times: Darkmode (live), Matt Hinton (live) and DJ Weiss.

Joe Strange Band Venue: Approach Price: Free Times: 9pm Wild Wood Venue: Southbank Bar Price: Free Times: 8pm Hidden Talents (women only) Venue: Maze Price: £3 / £5 Times: 8.30pm Wildside Club Night Venue: Junktion 7 Times: 9pm - 2am

music / weeklies / comedy /exhibitions / theatre

Sunday 13/01

Sunday 20/01

The Establishment Venue: Southbank Bar Price: Free Times: 8pm

Roy De Wired Venue: Southbank Bar Price: Free Times: 8pm

Monday 14/01 Roy Stone Venue: Southbank Bar Price: Free Times: 8pm

Tuesday 15/01 LeftLion Unplugged Venue: Malt Cross Price: Free Times: 8pm - 11pm Chris Mcdonald Venue: Hubb

Wednesday 16/01 Urban Intro Venue: Approach Price: Free Times: 7pm Kevin Montgomery Band Venue: Maze Price: £15 Times: 7.30pm Plus Shurman and Andrea Glass.

Thursday 17/01 Deli Venue:

Hubb

Performance Venue: Approach Price: Free Times: 9pm Richard Howells Band Venue: Southbank Bar Price: Free Times: 8pm Night of Doom Venue: Maze Times: 8.30pm Hordes of Satan, DJ Mordor and more tbc.

Friday 18/01 Phat Phidelity Presents Venue: Junktion 7 Price: £2 adv. £4 door Times: 8pm - late Girlfixer, Nephu Huzzband, Bambino, Roller City Facepack and Dee Christopher (illusionist).

Joe Strange Band Venue: Southbank Bar Price: Free Times: 8pm Ambush Style: Venue: Times:

Random Hand Venue: Maze Price: £4 / £5 (NUS) Times: 9pm Plus Minus Society and Kerbface.

Default This Venue: Bodega Social Price: £5 adv Times: 7pm - 11pm Meet Me in St Louis, Nephu Huzzband, You Slut! and Blakfish.

Monday 21/01 Courteeners Venue: Rescue Rooms Price: £8.50 Kris Ward Venue: Southbank Bar Price: Free Times: 8pm

Tuesday 22/01 Acoustic Tuesdays Venue: Malt Cross Price: Free Times: 8pm - 11pm Sarah Bard Venue: Hubb Plain White T’s Venue: Rock City Price: £11 British Sea Power Venue: Rescue Rooms Price: £12 A Wilhelm Scream Venue: Rock City Price: £7 The Mouth Venue: Bodega Social Price: £5 adv Times: 8pm - 11pm Paul Potts Venue: Royal Centre Price: £23.50 Times: 7.30pm

Wednesday 23/01 Avenged Sevenfold Venue: Rock City Price: £17 Alison Moyet Venue: Royal Centre Price: £25 Times: 7pm

Thursday 24/01 Dubstep, DnB Templars Bar 10pm - 4am

Saturday 19/01 Midlands Dance Club Venue: Hubb Joe Strange Band Venue: Approach Price: Free Times: 9pm The Messengers Venue: Southbank Bar Price: Free Times: 8pm Smokescreen Venue: Maze Times: 9pm James Blunt Venue: Royal Centre Price: Sold out Times: 7pm

Linkin Park Venue: Nottingham Arena Price: £29.50 - £40 Jason Heart Venue: Southbank Bar Price: Free Times: 8pm Funhouse Comedy Venue: Maze Price: £4 / £5 (NUS) Times: 8pm Daliso Chaponda, Elliot Potter and compere Spiky Mike.

Friday 25/01 Stone Gods Venue: Rock City Price: £11 Joe Strange Band Venue: Southbank Bar Price: Free

listings...

Friday 25/01 OAS3 Venue: Price: Times: Plus Essex

Maze £6 (NUS) 8.30pm Pistols and more tbc.

Magic - A Venue: Price: Times:

Kind of Queen Royal Centre £13.50 / £15 7.30pm

Saturday 26/01 The Almighty Venue: Rock City Price: £16 Joe Strange Band Venue: Approach Price: Free Times: 9pm T Diamond Venue: Southbank Bar Price: Free Times: 8pm Burlesque Night Venue: Maze Times: 9pm Plus Essex Pistols and more tbc.

Electronica Style: Dubstep, DnB Venue: Templars Bar Times: 10pm - 4am

Sunday 27/01 Robyn Hitchcock Venue: Rescue Rooms Price: £14

Monday 28/01 Kerrang Tour 2008 Venue: Rock City Price: £16 Tom Wardle Venue: Southbank Bar Price: Free Times: 8pm

Tuesday 29/01 Accoustic Venue: Price: Times:

Tuesdays Malt Cross Free 8pm - 11pm

The Evil Sweeties Venue: Hubb Gay For Johnny Depp Venue: Rock City Price: £7 After The Party Presents Venue: Maze Tam White.

Nine Black Alps Venue: Bodega Social Price: £8 adv Times: 8pm - 11pm

Wednesday 30/01 Carmina Venue: Maze Price: £8 adv (NUS) Times: 7.30pm Plus Diarmaid Moynihan.

Thursday 31/01 The Establishment Venue: Approach Price: Free Times: 9pm Mark James Venue: Southbank Bar Price: Free Times: 8pm

Weeklies Mondays Rock Jam Style: Venue: Price: Times:

Session Rock Running Horse Free 8.30pm - 12am

Motherfunker Venue: The Cookie Club Price: £1 before 11pm Times: 8.30pm - 12am Open Decks Night Venue: Loggerheads Price: Free Times: 8pm Bring your tunes and your mates.

Tuesdays Games Night Venue: Loggerheads Price: Free Times: 8pm Local Band Night Venue: Approach Price: Free Times: 7pm Liquid Silk Venue: Muse Price: Free Times: 7.30pm A haven of chilled acoustic sounds provided.

Crash Venue: Rock City Price: £3 (NUS) Times: 9.30pm - 2am Notts’ longest running indie night.

The Horseshoe Lounge Style: Country Venue: Deux Price: Free Times: 8pm Americana, bluegrass and country.

Tuesdays Accoustic Style: Venue: Price: Times:

Tuesdays Acoustic Malt Cross Free 8pm

Tuesdays Chilled Out Tuesdays Style: Acoustic, Folk, Blues Venue: Hubb Price: Free Times: 7pm Acoustic, folk and bluesy hues from bands and singer-songwriters .

Wednesdays Urban Intro Venue: Approach Price: Free Times: 7pm Followed by salsa dancing.

Showcase Venue: Loggerheads Free Price: Times: 8pm A range of events including acoustic sets, poetry, visual art, film, dance, performing art and comedy.

The Big Wednesday Style: Alternative, Rock, Pop Venue: The Cookie Club Price: £2.50 (NUS) Times: 10.30pm - 2am LeftLion Pub Quiz Venue: Golden Fleece Times: 8.30pm Wigflex Style: Venue: Price: Times:

Hiphop, DnB, Dubstep Dogma Free 9pm - late

Electric Banana Venue: Social Price: £2 Times: 10.30pm - 3am

Thursdays Open Mic Venue: Price: Times:

Night Loggerheads Free 8pm

Word of Mouth Style: Hiphop Venue: Muse Price: less than a pint Bringing you the finest quality acts for your acoustical enchantment.

Folk Thursday Venue: Loft Price: Free Times: 8pm The Fab 4 Venue: Approach Price: Free Times: 7pm Homegrown Venue: Deux Price: Free Times: 7pm Noodle Venue: Price: Times:

The Spot Free 8pm

music / weeklies / comedy /exhibitions / theatre

Thursdays

Saturdays

Dogma Presents Style: Hiphop, Breaks Venue: Dogma Price: Varies (NUS) Times: 9pm - 2am

Road Block Style: Boogie, Hiphop, Jazz Venue: Loggerheads Price: Free with DJ Daddio and special guests.

Club NME Style: Venue: Price: Times:

Rise and Shine / Funk You Style: Alternative, Acoustic Venue: The Cookie Club Price: £5 Times: 10.30pm - 3am

Indie, Rock, Alternative Stealth £2 - £4 (NUS) 10pm - 2am

Jazz Night Venue: Variety Club Price: Free Times: 7.30pm doors Live music and vegetarian food. Full of relaxed, friendly people.

Live Thursdays Venue: Golden Fleece Price: Free Times: 8pm Jazzy Thursdays Venue: Hubb Price: Free Times: 7pm Poker Night Venue: Loggerheads Price: Free Times: 8pm Read ‘em and weep with some Texas hold ‘em!

Fridays Friday Fever Venue: Loggerheads Price: Free Times: 8pm - 1.30am Fridays Venue: Approach Price: Free Times: 5pm - 2am Acoustic sets from local artists, followed by Roy De Wired.

Distortion Style: Venue: Price: Times:

Rock, Alternative Rock City £5 9pm - 2.30am

Variegated Saturdays Venue: Hubb Price: Free Times: 7pm

Sundays Sunday Jam Sessions Venue: Loggerheads Price: Free Times: 8pm Jazz Venue: Price: Times:

Bell Inn Free 12.30pm - 3am

The Underground Sessions Venue: Snug Price: Free Times: 9pm - 4am Moog is Sunday Venue: Moog Price: Free Times: 12pm - 12am We Love Style: Acoustic Venue: Deux Price: Free Times: 8pm Eclectic open mic night.

Love Shack Style: Nineties Venue: Rock City Price: £4 / £5 Times: 9.30pm - 2am

Reggae Roast Style: Reggae Venue: Golden Fleece

Pop.Your_Funk Venue: Bluu Price: Free Times: 9pm - late

Jazz at the Bell Style: Jazz Venue: Bell Inn Price: Free

Hubbub Venue: Price: Times:

Hubb Free 7pm

Saturdays Mass Appeal Venue: Muse Price: Free Times: 10pm - 2am Saturday Night Live Venue: Deux Price: Free Times: 7pm

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leftlion.co.uk/add Please note. We try to ensure that all events are correct at time of print, but always check with the venue or promoter before you set off to avoid disapointment.

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4 rehearsal rooms - lock-ups, chill out area & refreshments

Spares Shop - strings, leads, straps, fuses, etc.

Splitter Van Rental & Backline Hire

listings...

Comedy Sunday 02/12 Just The Tonic Venue: Approach Price: £5.50 / £7.50 (NUS) Times: 7.15pm Rob Deering, Liam Mullone and Matt Reed.

Thursday 06/12 Martin Davies Venue: Maze Price: £6 (NUS) Times: 8pm Brian Damage and Krysstal, Dan Bland and compère Spiky Mike.

Sunday 09/12 Just The Tonic Venue: Approach Price: £7.50 / £5.50 (NUS) Times: 7.15pm Mick Ferry, Isy Suttie and Matt Reed.

Exhibitions Saturday 01/12 Open Exhibition Venue: Angel Row Gallery Price: Free Featuring fine art and craft from both established and emerging artists and makers. This annual event brings together painting, photography, film, printmaking, sculpture, jewellery, textiles, ceramics and glass.

Runs Until: 20/12 Chris Orgill - FeatherScape Venue: The Yard Gallery Price: Free A new body of work by artist Chris Orgill is the result of careful observations of birds and wildlife in their natural habitat. Studio paintings will be shown alongside a selection of field sketches and notes, depicting British wildlife and those observed during visits to Majorca and Kefalonia.

Runs Until: 06/01

Jimmy Carr Venue: Royal Centre Price: £18.50 / £19.50 Times: 8pm

The Bootleg Beatles Venue: Royal Centre Price: £18.50 / £21.50 Times: 8pm

Tuesday 18/12 CBeebies Live Venue: Nottingham Arena Price: £12.50 - £21.50 Times: 2.10pm and 5.10pm Featuring The Teletubbies.

Funhouse Comedy Venue: Maze Price: £4 Times: 8pm Funhouse brings a mix of experienced and new comic talent from around the midlands for its regular competition. Between ten and fifteen acts take the stage and the audience votes on whether they should stay or let someone else have a go.

Sunday 23/12

Just The Tonic Venue: Approach Price: £7.50 / £5.50 (NUS) Times: 7.15pm Dan Nightingale, Matt Reed and guest tbc.

Thursday 27/12 Ken Dodd Venue: Royal Centre Price: £16 / £18 Times: 7pm

Monday 31/12 Just The Tonic NYE Venue: Approach Price: £23.50 (NUS) Times: 7.15pm Simon Bligh, Carl Donnelly, Matt Reed and guest tbc.

Sunday 20/01 Just The Tonic With John Hegley Venue: Approach Price: £12.50 / £11 (NUS) Times: 7.15pm

What Paint Can Do (part two) Venue: Malt Cross Price: Free Times: 11am-6pm Up and coming artists Olivia Pilling and Beth Shapeero present the final stage of their show. An exhibition of contemporary, abstract painting from Nottingham.

Runs Until: 16/12

Saturday 15/12 Christmas Fair Venue: View from The Top Price: Free Times: Various Unique designer-made gifts, including millinery, ironwork, photography, paintings, baby clothes, wooden gifts, textiles and jewellery.

Runs Until: 23/12

Friday 11/01 Lace and Slavery Symposium Venue: Broadway Price: Free Times: 11am - 5pm An investigation into connections between the British lace industry and the slave trade. Speakers include artist Godfried Donkor in conversation with Frank Abbott.

Wednesday 12/12

Friday 14/12

Tuesday 11/12

Robin Hood Up Close Venue: Nottingham Castle Nottingham’s most famous legend has returned to the Castle. An exhibition of the actual props and costumes used in the BBC series.

Find out what goes on behind the scenes, see the costumes up close and hear how it all comes together in the Robin Hood Academy.

Runs Until: 01/06 Nottingham’s Islamic Collection Venue: Nottingham Castle An exhibition presenting a group of historical Islamic objects drawn from the city’s world cultures, costume and decorative art collections. Selected with help from members of Nottingham’s Muslim communities.

Runs Until: 01/05

Tuesday 04/12 What Paint Can Do (part one) Venue: Malt Cross Price: Free Times: 11am-6pm The first part of a contemporary abstract painting exhibition, showing works of emerging artists Jon Kipps and Beth Shapeero.

Runs Until: 09/12

Wednesday 05/12 A Singular Vision Venue: Lakeside Arts Centre Price: Free Times: 11am - 5pm Dod Procter lived in west Cornwall all her life but travelled extensively, including to Burma with her husband Ernest Procter. Whether at home or abroad, she painted landscapes, portraits of children and still-lifes.

Runs Until: 17/02

Thursday 06/12 Birds, Beasts and Flowers Venue: Lakeside Arts Centre Price: Free Times: 11am - 4pm Exploring some of the historical aspects of our relationship with the natural world. Travels abroad by explorers such as Captain Cook revealed the rich flora and fauna of foreign countries and stimulated study and collecting at home.

Runs Until: 25/03

Saturday 12/01 Once Upon A Time In The West There Was Lace Venue: The Yard Gallery Price: Free Times: 11am - 4pm Artist Godfried Donkor investigates poignant connections between Nottingham’s lace trade and international slavery for an exhibition of collages incorporating 18th Century prints, contemporary photography and media cuttings.

Curated by Michael Forbes.

Runs Until: 10/02 First Western Atlas Of China Venue: Lakeside Arts Centre Price: Free Times: All day A selection of fifteen maps recently acquired for the Manuscript Department’s Special Collection from the first Western Atlas of China and Japan.

Runs Until: 24/02

music / weeklies / comedy / exhibitions / theatre

Theatre Saturday 01/12 Dick Whittington Venue: Playhouse Price: £14.50 - £18 Times: Various Dick Whittington sets forth on the road to London: the city where the streets are paved with gold, the city in which Mrs Fitzwarren and her lovely daughter Alice live and the city that the evil King Rat calls home.

Runs Until: 19/01

Friday 07/12 Peter Pan Venue: Royal Centre Price: £10 - £19.50 Times: various Runs Until: 20/01

Saturday 12/01 Twinkle Little Star Venue: Lakeside Arts Centre Price: £5 - £12 Times: Various Meet Harold Thropp (Kenneth Alan Taylor). Sitting in his dingy basement dressing room, he prepares to become Widow Twankey for the final time. Now the wrong side of sixty he feels his best years are behind him. As he looks back on a life well lived Harold realises that sometimes letting go is the hardest thing to do.

Runs Until: 26/01

Monday 14/01

Posy Simmonds and Bryan Talbot Venue: Page45 Price: Free Times: 1pm - 3pm

Monday 10/12 Chuckle Brothers Aladdin Venue: Royal Centre Price: £12.50 / £15 Times: 7pm

Tuesday 11/12 Merry Xmas Everybody Venue: Royal Centre Price: £21.50 / £22.50 Times: 8pm The band Mud perform their smash hit Lonely This Christmas. Slade perform the world-wide hit Merry Xmas Everybody. Plus T-Rextasy.

Wednesday 09/01

The Vagina Monologues Venue: Royal Centre Price: £13 - £22 Times: 6pm, 8pm, 9pm Runs Until: 18/01

Tuesday 22/01 She Stops To Conquer Venue: Royal Centre Price: £8 - £22.50 Times: 7.30pm / 2.30pm A story about two young men, Charles Marlow and George Hasting and their attempts to court Kate Hardcastle and her friend Constance Neville.

Runs Until: 26/01

Sunday 27/01 Vanessa Miller School of Dance Venue: Royal Centre Price: £12 Times: 7pm

Monday 28/01

Moscow State Circus Venue: Royal Centre Price: £12 - £20 Times: 2pm, 5pm, 8pm Runs Until: 13/01

The 39 Steps Venue: Royal Centre Price: £10 - £23 Times: 7.30pm / 2.30pm Runs Until: 02/02

Pantomime Season ‘Tis the season to find things to do in order to keep the traps of Nottingham’s nippers shut for an afternoon, and the obvious answer is to shove a slab of Fruit and Nut into their chatty maws and let them enjoy the age-old tradition of watching some comedy transvestites. And slap our collective thighs, but Nottingham has four Pantos to choose from this year (and don’t start that ‘oh,no there isn’t’ rubbish – how dare you accuse us of lying).

If it’s star value you’re after, it gets no better than the Chuckle Brothers’ ‘tachetastic one-night-only interpolation of Aladdin at the Royal Centre on Monday 10 December.

If you’re hankering to see the obligatory ex-soapstar in tiny shorts and kinky boots, hie thysen to the Theatre Royal, where Frankie Baldwin out of Coronation Street takes the lead in Peter Pan, with the one and only Boycie in the Captain Hook role.

Obviously, the true Notts option is at the Playhouse, where Kenneth Alan Taylor takes the reins for the 24th time with his own version of Dick Whittington, before starring in the absolutely-no-way-for-kids Twinkle Little Star at the Lakeside in January (as a fading Panto dame whose best years are, ahem, behind him), and giving talks about his career in tights and pancake. Shame there’s no red-hot Su Pollard-action this year, but you can’t have everything. Book early! www.nottinghamplayhouse.co.uk www.royalcentre-nottingham.co.uk www.lakesidearts.org.uk

If you’ve got a brain and would like the opportunity to kill it with alcohol, the LeftLion Pub Quiz at the Golden Fleece on Mansfield Road is where you should be every Wednesday, round about 9pm. But come earlier, because it gets rammed out dead quick. We give a gallon of beer to the winning team, the quizmaster’s Nana gets on her Bontempi organ for a few tunes, and the Fish Man comes round when he feels like it. Here’s a sample of what we’ve been asking recently…

2. What kind of meat did Basil spend an entire episode of Fawlty Towers trying to fetch from a restaurant for his gourmet night, only to mistakenly present a trifle?

3. Within 50 either side, how many calories are there in a Big Mac? 4. What was Richard and Eddie’s favourite alcoholic drink in Bottom?

5. How do you turn a rooster into a capon?

THE BROADMARSH CENTRE 6. The Broadmarsh Centre has the largest what in the country?

7. The Westfield Group, owners of the Broadmarsh Centre, come from which English-speaking country?

8. Within 2 years either side, when was the Broadmarsh Centre opened?

9. What’s the name of the shop with the monkey in the window?

10. Within 5 either side, how many shops are there in the Broadmarsh Centre?

LLAMAS 11. Which continent did Llamas originate from, even though wild ones are extinct there now?

12. Within 3 years either side, how old is the Dalai Lama?

13. Within one month either side, how long are llamas pregnant for?

15. In the world of Llamas, what is an orgle - a saddle for carrying things, a mating call, or a female?

GRANGE HILL 16. Name Grange Hill’s two neighbouring rival schools 17. Jeremy Irvine was the first Grange Hill character to be killed off. How did he die?

18. What was so special about the introduction of Mr Brisley in 1992?

RUBBISH FILMS THAT GIRLS LIKE 26. Which rubbish film that girls like depicts the relationship between Sam Baldwin and Annie Reed?

27. Which rubbish film that girls like depicts the relationship between Vivian Ward and Edward Lewis?

28. Within 2 years either side, in what year is the film Dirty Dancing set?

29. Which musical film originally had Henry Winkler and Marie Osmond as the romantic leads, but they turned them down?

30. The original Bridget Jones diary entries were serialised in which newspaper?

19. Within 2 either side, how many series of Grange Hill have there been?

20. Which well-known Grange Hill character was played by Erkan Mustafa?

PEAS 21. Who wrote the childrens’ story The Princess and the Pea? 22. Which soul singer’s band had a hit single of their own called Pass The Peas?

23. In the world of cartoons, who are the parents of Swee’Pea? 24. Within 5 years either side, when were the first tinned peas put on sale?

25. What was the price of a pot of peas at the proper stall at Goose Fair this year?

ANSWERS:

1. What fruit is used in the making of Babycham?

14. Michael Jackson’s pet llama shared his name with songs by the Kingsmen, Hot Chocolate and Modern Talking. What was he called?

1. Pears 2. Duck 3. 540 (490-590) 4. Malibu 5. Castrate it 6. TK Maxx 7.Australia 8. 1972 (1970-74) 9. Gordon Scott’s Shoes 10.

86 (81-91) 11. North America 12. 72 (69-75) 13. 12 months (11-13) 14. Louie 15. A mating call 16.Rodney Bennett and Brookdale 17. Drowned in a swimming pool 18. He was the first gay teacher 19. 30 (28-32) 20. Roland Browning 21. Hans Christian Andersen 22. James Brown 23. Popeye and Olive Oyl 24. 1895 (1890-1900) 25. £1.20 26. Sleepless In Seattle 27. Pretty Woman 28. 1963 (1961-65) 29. Grease 30. The Independent

FOOD AND DRINK

Real Ales Real Music Real Christmassy

Deux, Clumber Avenue, Sherwood Rise, Nottm 0115 856724, 07770 226926, www.hoteldeux.com www.leftlion.co.uk/issue20

35

Oh Nottingham, is full of fun... illustration: Michael Lomon

words: James Walker If you want to let out a primal scream these days you have to do it under controlled conditions or else the locals think you’re nuts.

With this in mind I’m off to the City Ground for a good old fashioned sing-song where it’s a mix of hot dogs, swearing, fags and burps. The fans are in their thousands, amassing on the centre from the surrounding suburbs. From the sky it must look like some kind of Santa Claus convention with the scarves, hats and shirts rendering the once grey streets red.

I’d hoped that the communal chant of a football match would placate my growing disillusionment with the world, but it doesn’t. It only confirms I was right. It is an incredibly expensive temporary distraction; thank goodness I don’t need escapism every week. I’d have to get a second job and the first one isn’t that great.

The crowd are expectant, offering match predictions born of the heart not the head. They are paying for hope, a more accessible form of salvation than that once offered at church. If they don’t win it this year, there is always the next. And the next. Amen.

There are many songs on offer but they are all about the club or the sheep-shaggers, our pantomime enemy. But it is the fans I want to communicate with, not the team. They have more urgency in their eyes than the overpriced first eleven.

‘Who are ya, who are ya?’ They chant in that flat Nottingham dialect.

‘James’ I scream back ‘I’m James, who are you?’

Unsurprisingly, they cannot hear my specifics and think that I am singing along.

‘Stand up if you hate Derby, stand up if you hate Derby’ they sing.

‘Stand up if you hate your job’ I reply.

‘Stand up if you hate your wife’ ‘Stand up if you hate yourself, stand up...’

But Forest score and my words are lost beneath the roar.

When they add a second five minutes later I jump from my seat and throw my arms around the nearest man. Then jump down three rows and start to cuddle another.

‘Geroff you gret gaylord’ says a scarf clad devotee as he pushes me to the floor.

As I get up I point at the huddled players.

‘I’m only imitating our heroes’

I think the problem with this lot is that they don’t really know how to swear properly. The songs are colourful, humorous even, but are lacking real venom. As it stands their insults sound like veiled compliments. I’m sure they would be a lot happier if they really let go, said what they wanted to say, in rhymes of course. Perhaps they should be deprived of food for the week prior to a match, or locked up in the shed. That would get the creative juices flowing. Not only would they come armed with pent-up aggression but the savings made on food could be used to purchase the latest kit.

number one fan’ ‘Well I’m Forest’s number one steward, so ger ‘em back on or else your owt of ere’ Honestly some people just enjoy ruining your fun.

‘Oh Nottingham, oh Nottingham, is full of fun, is full of fun, oh Nottingham is full of fun. It’s full of tits, fanny and Forest, oh Nottingham is full of fun’ Although this is all statistically true they have omitted a lot of other important cultural factors of which we should be just as proud, such as Nottingham Castle and Holme Pierrepont. They have also failed to recognise that Nottingham has two shopping centres, whilst our perceived arch enemy Derby, only has one.

Before I have a chance to start promoting Sneinton Windmill and other notable landmarks

The game becomes dull for ten minutes and the songs are replaced with sighs. One man starts to read his paper. A small kid gets out his Gameboy, preferring Super Mario over the Super Reds. He keeps getting killed by Bowser and so returns it to his pocket. Then it is half time and a young girl from Trent FM is being ushered to the side of the pitch, ready for the half time raffle draw.

They erupt, barking out demands.

‘Get your tits out, get your tits out, get your tits out for the lads...’

The girl denies them this simple request, just like the wife, the bank and the boss. For the football fan it is a world of ever-diminishing returns. But they are undeterred and keep singing, one member of the congregation revealing a particularly high pitched voice. You have to admire them for their perseverance.

‘Get your cocks out, get your cocks out, get your cocks out for the girls’ I don’t know if it’s because my more contemporary version doesn’t rhyme, but it doesn’t go down too well and before I know it, someone is trying to lamp me.

‘Fuckin’ idiot’ ‘You’re just jealous you didn’t think on it first’ This football malarkey is all very confusing.

I just can’t seem to get the hang of who you are meant to hate and when. But it’s always been like this in Nottingham. I’ve only just got used to blaming the blacks for nicking all our jobs and now they tell me it’s the Poles. I wish someone would make their mind up…

RIKKI MARR 2007

I return to my seat and sing some more songs.

Fortunately they are easy to learn. The players run around the pitch passing their toy to each

other and shouting when they don’t get it back.

Then Forest score again, turning a £25 ticket into £8.33 a goal.

That sounds a lot better on the tongue. A man a few seats down from me flays his arms in the air as if calling for help. He is… he just doesn’t realise it yet. Another rips off his shirt and exposes a fully tattooed chest, either that or he has circulation problems. I want to feel part of this mass audience and so decide to strip off as well, instead opting to hurl my trousers up in the air.

‘What you doin’ ya gret clown?’ asks a steward.

After checking nobody has removed their underwear I retort ‘proving I am Forest’s

a new song has begun. They are a fickle lot here. You can just picture them flicking away on the sofa with the remote, never able to settle on a channel.

‘Sit down, shut up! Sit down, shut up!’

36

www.leftlion.co.uk/issue20

Write Lion...

Rioting, dead animals, tampax and loss. Here’s the latest abridged offerings from the Write Lion forum at www.leftlion.co.uk.

If you would like your work featured on this page, get on there and start posting. Each issue we select the best submissions in there to publish in here. We would also like to congratulate Jack Twatt for one year’s worth of entertaining spleen and St0gey for some excellent tutorship. Keep up the good work!

The notice in the newsagents was succinct and yet full of promise: RIOTERS WANTED! The Hockley Undeniable Riot Troupe (HURT) will meet this Thursday evening at The Broadway. All oppressed souls welcome. Tea and sandwiches provided, BYO conspiracy theories and unharnessed anger.

I nodded to myself and vowed to be there.

Thursday soon came round and I made my way to The Broadway as directed. A tall, scowling figure in black stood with a clipboard at the entrance.

‘Rioter?’ he asked, with more than a hint of menace, I felt.

‘Yup, that’s me!’ I answered, chirpily.

‘Right: go to the bar and ask for half a Bakunin, then take the Secret Revolutionary Lift up to the roof. If anyone asks, you’re here to see Ken Loach. Got it?’

‘Got it!’

The Nottingham Riots occupied by two extravagantly bearded figures deep in conversation. I guessed them to be Ronnie and Ralphy Tweet: the two most famous Nottingham Rioters of their generation.

They’d manned more barricades than I’d had hot dinners and their Molotov Cocktails were admired worldwide. I made my way over to them, somewhat nervously.

‘Excuse me, err, Mister and Mister Tweet, but can I just say what a great turn-out this is. You must be chuffed… both of you!’

‘Aye its not bad,’ Ronnie replied in a surprisingly friendly manner, ‘Not bad at all.

We thought we wouldn’t get that many in, what with The Anarchists having their pub quiz tonight.’

With that I was in. The Secret Revolutionary Lift whisked me upwards as the faint sound of The Clash’s Bankrobber echoed in my ears.

So far I hadn’t seen a soul other than clipboard man and I was wondering how many other rioters might show up. Ten? Twenty? Fifty?

Who knew? It was all new to me, the rioting game. The lift stopped with a lurch and I walked into a large conference-type room packed full of eager rioters. Blimey. There must have been a good couple of hundred people in there at least. A hum of excitement hovered around the room as rioter chatted to rioter, or helped themselves to a cup of tea and a sandwich.

‘Not to mention The Communists’ Chicken-InA-Basket night at The Gladstone,’ chipped in Ralphy. ‘Aye, we’ve done alright I reckon.’ He looked me up and down with the miss-nothing eyes of the experienced revolutionary. ‘What’s yer name son, not seen you around before? You any good at chucking bricks at all?’

Amongst the throng I could just make out at far end of the room a small stage, currently

Ronnie nodded sagely. ‘Aye, well that all

‘Michael’s my name and I can chuck half a brick as far as any man in the East Midlands I reckon. I was a champion javelin-thrower at school so that’s probably where I get my good arm from. I’m a fast runner too and I’m properly ready to smash the state. It’s really been pissing me off recently, y’know.’

Mermaid Jaded

Bikini wax and Tampax

True love doesn’t die, Or ask why…

It simmers, boils, shakes, Keeps the maid often awake, In the head, Through the thoughts It travels, Unravels, The mysteries of the heart, Remain intact - always a part Of how she feels, Inside revealed Naked.

Trephining the soul, Of the maid Unleash continuous thoughts?

The mermaid at sea caught, Energy abort?

Did the mermaid know in reality?

About love’s insanity.

Thus, the water does flow…

Wild sea and mermaid They grow Wisdom of detachment, Replicating re-enactment The mistake of the mermaid, Lost herself…

Slowly faded…

Into the sea Jaded....

I went to Thomas Cook one day, To book myself a holiday, A nice late deal to go to Spain, Couldn’t wait to board the plane.

Sara

Straight to the clothes shops I then go I had a lot to buy you know, Flip flops, sun cream and a bra with a strapless back, I realise I’m a tad hairy, I need a bikini wax.

I hate those things, They make me cringe, But I refuse to wear bikini’s, With a pubic fringe.

I’m in such a rush, I forget There is just one little snag In all my rushing sorting things I Forgot I was on the rag.

Hen Henrycat My little mate Tapping me Pawing my hair Purring under the duvet Curled in my lap Bounding up and down the hallway Filthy protests about my liaisons Watching us Watching me Company to my distress I took you for granted Your witness to my shame

sounds cushty. If you go off and see Marjorie over there, she’ll sort you out.’ He pointed to a large middle-aged woman pouring tea from a large pot in the corner. ‘Now if you’ll excuse us, we’ve got a roomful of righteous anger to rouse, haven’t we Ralphy?’ I left the infamous pair to tune up and pushed through the crowd to get to Marjorie who quickly produced some forms to sign before grabbing me roughly by the arm and pulling me tightly to her ample bosom.

‘Here. Yer not undercover are ya?’

‘Who me? Undercover? No chance Marjorie: I’m up for a new world order, big time. Bang up for it. Let’s have it!’

‘Good, cos if you were….’ Marjorie tailed off but left me in no doubt what she thought of undercovers. Ronnie and Ralphy Tweet were now ready to address the crowd.

‘Good evening people, and thanks for turning out for tonight’s little do. Ralphy and I would like to welcome you all most sincerely. First things first though, and can we just start by thanking Marjorie Hewitt for her hard work not just tonight but over the last twenty-five years of local revolutionary activity. Big round of applause for Marjorie!’

‘Now then, we’ve called this meeting because its time for action people! We can no longer just sit back and take all the shit the government gives us. Am I right brothers and sisters?’ We assured him he was. ‘They think we’re stupid, that we’ll go along with

‘Oh crappin’ Christ, now what?’ I said, I need this Bikini wax, I know I thought to myself, I will buy some Tampax.

Back on track and on my way, With my grotty thong attached, So they can style and rip and tear, My golden vagina patch.

Now on the table legs apart, I feel the pain and ripping start, I want to grab the woman’s fat head, But I just grit my teeth instead.

She yaks away about her last night out, And accidentally pulls my tampax out, She screams and nearly has a fit, While I’m lying there like a prize tit.

Bonus.

Miss Caulton Your witness to my every secret Tail tapping Squeaking at birds A dash out the cat flap Scrambling against me Crying on the way to the vet Chewing my spider plants Falling off the window sill Licking the gravy and mewing for more Clawing under the bed I have lost you now.

To the eternal magical nothingness The empty space where my father has gone.

the vilest of their plans but let me tell you right here and now: We won’t!’ Ronnie roared the last two words out, unfortunately causing Marjorie to spill her tea. Marjorie muttered something under her breath that sounded like ‘twat’. Ronnie continued.

‘The question, people, is what do we do about it? How do we free ourselves from the tyranny of the state? What can we do to turn back the powers of darkness and lead ourselves back into the promised land?’ Ronnie let the question hang in the air until a small voice piped up: ‘I know.’ It was Dominic Stuart, Nottingham’s fiercest child rioter. Being of limited stature and fleet of foot, Dominic Stuart was able to penetrate enemy lines without detection time and again and as such had performed many acts of the utmost bravery. ‘Why don’t we remove all the books from the libraries and replace them with lions and tigers! They’d eat the librarians to begin with and then when the council send people round to see what had happened to the librarians they’d eat them.

It’d be brilliant propaganda for the cause I reckon.’ He looked around eagerly for support but whilst his courage was undoubted his strategic skills were pretty poor and no one looked convinced in the slightest.

‘Thanks Dominic for that,’ said Ralphy Tweet, ‘definitely one to think about. As it happens, Ronnie and I have formulated an exceedingly devious plan ourselves. Now listen up, because this is important…..’

Cal Gibson

One short poem Cockroaches will talk to me tonight and moths, spiders and worms as well They will all talk to me tonight In exchange I will let them eat from my soul so that they do not starve and keep talking to me.

Daniel R

Haiku Haikus are easy But sometimes they don’t make sense Refrigerator St0gey

The End A fly - his name was Jimmy landed on the window, minding his own business. Two seconds later, he felt a strong draft and had just enough time to see the headline ‘Nottingham 4th worst place to live in UK’. The End Harry Wilding

Wendy House www.leftlion.co.uk/issue20

37

Aries (March 21 - April 20)

Libra (September 24 - October 23)

Curiosity may have killed the cat, but laziness is the primary reason for its decomposition in the middle of your living room floor. You really want to have a clean of your flat every now and again, especially if you plan to entertain guests. Nothing puts a friend off visiting again quite like a rotting animal corpse on the shagpile.

If I was a gambling man, which I most certainly am, I’d put a bet on you having a few good nights out this winter. Just remember the golden rules: If they look good after six pints it might be worth getting a second opinion. If your mate says they look good after he’s had six pints then it’s fair game. If you can’t see anymore, try it anyway.

Taurus (April 21 - May 21)

Scorpio (October 24 - November 22)

The darkness is everywhere. But frequently the accomplice to the crime is our own indifference.

They say that power corrupts, but actually it’s just that power attracts those who live in the darkness. The sane are just distracted by better things and let others get away with it.

The hair all over your back and shoulders is not that of a human. You are part wolf and part monkey, something you have suspected deep down for a while. This should help with explaining all those bad nights of sleep you’ve had and the ripped clothes and bloodstains you find when you wake in the mornings. Stop killing chickens!

Gemini (May 22 - June 22) It was KRS-One who came to Nottingham and told us that principles are our condoms and that if we wear them, the industry can’t affect us. Try to live to that, regardless of what industry you work in. They might be able to shun you and force you out, but they will never take your mind.

Cancer (June 23 - July 23) Corruption and hypocrisy ought not to be inevitable products of democracy, as they undoubtedly are today. The more corrupt a society, the more laws it has to showcase, whereas a man who lives alone has no laws. Corruption is authority plus monopoly minus transparency.

Leo (July 24 - August 23) What is it that we’re actually celebrating and why can we only do this once a year? After you take all the tinsel and the wrapping away what’s left? We have love, we have our families and we have time off work as part of the holiday structure of an outdated religion. What more do you need, hey?

Sponsorship?

Virgo (August 24 - September 23) You’re about to learn that words can hurt, especially those written in the demon alphabet of Goatface the soul drinker. I’ll be scratching ‘the bitch’ and ‘whoredog’ into various part of your skin via a voodoo doll over the next month or so with the set of fancy pens Satan left under my tree. This writer has now turned to the darkside…

Sagittarius (November 23 - December 22) You’ve learned an important lesson about violence this week, specifically what can happen when you’re not very good at it. In your drunken stupor you decided to pick on the ‘short guy’ without realising he was the Dwarf Ultimate Fighting Champion. Now both your pride and your face is hurting.

Capricorn (December 23 - January 19) On one hand everyone warned you that nothing good would come of dishonesty, but on the other you’re perfectly happy with all the mediocre stuff that did. When they say that crime doesn’t pay, what they mean is that it doesn’t pay much and that you should feel some kind of moral guilt as you sit there with your big screen TV. You’re watching Friends on your own again.

Aquarius (January 20 - February 19) Are you reading this? If so it must be a bit weird. For ages you saw the best of me and then you saw the worst. I can’t fault you for not wanting to see anymore. Anyway, this Christmas think at least once about the fun, like kids running from cabbies or a train ride to Brighton. There were lots of those. But the bad was worse than the good was good. Bye.

Pisces (February 20 - March 20) What right have you to be merry? You’re poor enough. If I could work my will any idiot who goes around with a Merry Christmas on his lips would be cooked with his own turkey and buried with a stake of holly through his heart.

NOTTINGHAM IN 2008

Population: 279,000 Bars in town: 350+

r: Sports stor y of the yea promotion Forest and Notts get tre (metres): 45,000 Size of Broadmarsh Cen

Tram lines in town: 1

38

www.leftlion.co.uk/issue20

NOTTINGHAM IN 8002

Population: 4 billion Bars in town: 1 - set in ‘Tales of Brian Clough Sports stor y of the yea ’ museum r: Nottingham Crimewave win Europe an Rollerball Cup Size of Broadmarsh Cen tre (metres): Covers Derbyshire and Leicestershire Tram lines in town: 1 (Line2 coming in 8004)