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LAUGHTER, cuddles and cups of tea in bed are the ingredients that make a memorable Mother’s Day for most of the population.
But for millions living without a mum, the event is a painful reminder of their loss — a day to be endured rather than celebrated. Towie star Joey Essex knows this only too well. He was just ten when his beloved mum Tina committed suicide after years of bravely battling medical problems. She was just 38. Years later, Mother’s Day still conjures up mixed feelings for Joey, who can often be found at his local cemetery rather than tucking in to a family meal. The 23-year-old says: “It’s not a great day for anyone who has lost their mum at any age. I normally go to the cemetery to lay a bunch of flowers and think silent thoughts. “It is what it is and I can’t change the past so I just try to pick myself back up again. “My mates’ mums also give me a lot of support. I can turn to them if I’m having an off-day and do all the things a mum and son might do, like go shopping or have lunch.” After his mum’s death in 2001, Joey and his big sister Frankie were raised by his dad Donny. Joey, from Chigwell, Essex, recently admitted to at first being in denial about the tragedy, which involved his mum going missing for three days. He says: “I didn’t know where my mum was. I asked Dad: ‘Where’s Mummy gone?’ And he told me: ‘She’ll be back soon.’ I didn’t know. I was just a kid.”
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It came as the ‘biggest shock’
Joey only found out the truth a couple of days later at his nan Linda’s house. He recalls: “I remember opening the door and Dad standing there. He just picked me up and said: ‘Mum’s gone.’ “It was the biggest shock of everyone’s life. But I didn’t really believe it, to be fair. I was upset and crying, but after a while I thought, ‘Nah, she’ll come back.’ “For the first five years I never believed it. I knew she killed herself but I’ve never known how.” Now Joey is combining his painful life experiences with his newfound I’m A Celebrity and Towie fame to raise awareness of child bereavement issues. This Sunday he will pull on a ‘onesie’ in Brentwood, Essex, and walk 3km to raise money for Child Bereavement UK. The charity, backed by the Duke of Cambridge, supports families when a child of any age dies — or when a child is bereaved. Joey says: “I wouldn’t say I wear onesies that often but it’s for a good cause and I hope people will come and join me if they can. “When I came out of the jungle, I wanted to find a charity that was close to my heart and this is it.” Joey’s maternal grandmother Linda Sims is proud of his charity work. She recently told The Sun how she believed her daughter was watching over Joey. She said: “Tina would be so proud. Joey firmly believes she is up there, watching over him. And I believe it myself. “As children, Joey and Frankie were Tina’s world, she doted on them. “They wanted for nothing and were wrapped in love. Tina was a wonderful mother.” According to Julia
more than 30 of them every day. So it’s the perfect time to put a zesty twist in your wardrobe. Here, SALLY-ANNE ARGYLE takes a walk on the bright side.
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MEMORIES . . . Joey with sister Frankie and late mum Tina, left, and nan Linda, above Samuel, founder patron and trustee of Child Bereavement UK, thousands of children will experience Mother’s Day without a mum this year. Every year, more than 20,000 UK youngsters — around 60 a day — will experience the death of a parent. And one in every 29 schoolchildren has lost either their mum, dad or a sibling — that’s one child in every class. Julia says: “If
CUTE . . . the reality star as a child
your mum has passed away, Mother’s Day can be bittersweet — happy memories from your childhood, combined with the sadness of missing her can be particularly poignant. “It can be hard looking back to those innocent times as a child, before you knew that people died and didn’t realise how special that time with your mother was. “Days like Mother’s Day, when everyone else seems to be celebrating and enjoying time with their mum, can be very painful, reminding you of what you no longer have. “And for a mother whose child has died, the sense of isolation can be immense. “Some bereaved parents talk of this as feeling like they were formerly part of ‘the parent club’,
which they are now excluded from. When your child has died, every day is painful — but days like Mother’s Day can often highlight that pain and grief.
can ‘goSensitivity a long way’
“For children and young people who are bereaved, it can be a difficult time to negotiate. “Schools can help by being aware of bereaved children and sensitive when, for example, their class is making Mother’s Day cards. “In most cases, children don’t want to be singled out for special treatment so perhaps they would like to make a card for their nan,
aunt or other female family member instead. Child Bereavement UK’s website has a Mother’s Day lesson plan to help schools handle bereaved children with sensitivity. “If you know someone who is bereaved, you might feel awkward and not know what to say. But the best thing you can do is to acknowledge the fact that it might be a difficult day for them. “You can’t change when someone has died but the sadness is already there and you can’t make it worse, so don’t ignore it. “Sensitivity, communication and acknowledgement can go a long way.” l For bereavement support, log on to childbereavementuk.org or call the free helpline on 0800 02 888 40.
ADVICE FOR ADULTS
Q Don’t force yourself to do the typical ‘family’ things, that might make you feel sadder, if you don’t want to. Q Include your children – ask what they’d like to do. Q Find a balance between remembering the one who
has died and having fun with the people who care for you now. Q Think of Mother’s Day as a day to celebrate all those in a mothering role – including single dads and grandparents
ADVICE FOR TEENS
Q You may feel it’s important to ‘be there’ for other family members but make sure you get some quiet time too. Q Talk to someone about how you feel. Q Try and remember the
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happy memories of your mum. It’s OK to talk, to laugh and to cry. Q Do something nice, for you – chill out with a film or meet up with friends. Q Go easy on yourself. The build-up is often worse than the actual event.
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