Parent Magazine St Johns - November 2021 by Graphic Design by Leslie

S T

J O H N S

KINDNESS AND CARING ISSUE

NOVEMBER 2021

5 WAYS TO MAKE KINDNESS A FAMILY ACTIVITY 10 SCIENCEBACKED BENEFITS OF PRACTICING GRATITUDE WITH KIDS

KINDNESS: IT’S A CHOICE HOW TO HELP YOUR TEEN BE MORE PRODUCTIVE

This issue of

is provided courtesy of

Making the grade in children’s emergency care. At the Wolfson Children’s ER at Baptist Medical Center South, we’re committed to making your child’s experience — and your family’s — the best it can be! Patient satisfaction scores* are one way we determine if we are meeting your needs and improving your health care experience. We’re honored that parents and other caregivers consistently rank our children’s emergency care in the 99th percentile for patient satisfaction. For all Wolfson ER locations and wait times, please visit wolfsonchildrens.com/ER.

14550 Old St. Augustine Road, Jacksonville 32258 • 904.271.6000

wolfsonchildrens.com/ER *Press Ganey Patient Satisfaction Survey, 2020-2021

S T

J O H N S

N O V E M B E R 2 0 21

CONTENT features

22 in each issue 03

FROM THE EDITOR

ST JOHNS COUNTY SCHOOL SUPERINTENDENT’S LETTER

HEALTH CORNER

BOOK NOOK

“

The best tip for teens to improve productivity is to put your phone away.” Page18

2 | S T J O H N S PARENT M A G A Z I N E

10 SCIENCE-BACKED BENEFITS OF PRACTICING GRATITUDE WITH KIDS

08 10

KINDNESS: IT’S A CHOICE

13 WAYS TO BOOST YOUR DAUGHTER’S SELF-ESTEEM

5 WAYS TO MAKE KINDNESS A FAMILY ACTIVITY

HOW TO HELP YOUR TEEN BE MORE PRODUCTIVE

CARING FOR ST. JOHNS NEEDIEST STUDENTS: HUGS ST. JOHNS FILLS A VOID WITH KINDNESS

WHEN SIBLINGS WON’T STOP FIGHTING

DISCUSSING MEDICAL DIFFERENCES: HOW PARENTS CAN TEACH EMPATHY AND RESPECT

YOUR FAMILY CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE: CHOOSE TO GIVE

FROM THE EDITOR

indness and Caring – things we desperately need in our world.

This subject is very close to my heart, and I am especially proud of this issue. We have filled it with articles that will help you make kindness and gratitude a part of your life. We review the uncomfortable topic of medical differences in our children. We have suggestions on how to help your children stop fighting with their siblings. Want to learn how to boost your daughter’s self-esteem or help your teen be more productive? We have content that will help you with that also. We address diabetes in our Health Corner. It is a growing area of concern for both pediatricians and parents alike. November ushers in the holiday season. Thanksgiving gives a day to pause and reflect, but very often, parents are so busy cooking, traveling and visiting family to take a moment to reflect on all that they have to be thankful for. The staff at Parent Magazines Florida celebrates Thanksgiving for our publication a little early, and we have identified the items for which we are thankful: • An audience of parents who want what is best for their children • Wonderful sponsors and advertisers who want to support our audience

Parent Magazine is published by TouchPoint Innovative Solutions.

PUBLISHER Howard M. Holley Sr. EDITOR Dr. Barbara C. Holley MANAGING EDITOR Jeanne Coates ART DIRECTOR Leslie Proctor SALES AND MARKETING DIRECTOR Jeanne Coates EDITORIAL ADVISORY BOARD Susan Conner • Parent Danielle Taylor • St Johns School District Christina Langston • St. Johns School District Vikki Mioduszewski • Wolfson Children’s Hospital INTERESTED IN ADVERTISING? If you would like to advertise in Parent Magazine, please call 386.449.8353 or email us at jeanne@touchpointis.com IDEAS FOR ARTICLES? Send your article ideas or provide feedback to barbara@touchpointis.com

• School district partners who share the best of what is happening in their schools • An enthusiastic team who is committed to bringing you the best content on how to be a better parent! We wish you a gratitude-filled Thanksgiving. Be kind to each other. All the Best,

PO Box 350682 Palm Coast, FL 32135 All rights reserved. No portion of this magazine may be reproduced without the express written consent of the publisher. TouchPoint Innovative Solutions assumes no responsibility for errors or omissions.

www.ParentMagazinesFlorida.com

@ ParentMagazinesFlorida

Information contained in these materials are neither sponsored or endorsed by the School Board of St. Johns County, its agents or its employees.

@ ParentMagazinesFlorida

S T J O H N S PARENT M A G A Z I N E | 3

St. Johns County School District Happy Thanksgiving to all from our School Board and staff! In the St. Johns County School District, we certainly have much for which to be thankful. This is the perfect time of year to express how grateful I am to serve a district with so many caring and unselfish individuals. It is a blessing to have the opportunity to work for an organization that gets to serve children every day. The Pillar of Character for November is Citizenship, and I am so proud to see the effort our schools put into helping those in need. Each of our schools pride themselves by using this Thanksgiving holiday as a time to truly come together to help one another following some of the most difficult and stressful months in the recent past. It is humbling to witness the overwhelming generosity during this season of giving by those who open their hearts and hands to help others. I am awed by the acts of kindness I see taking place throughout our school district and community. It is clear to me that our students, families, teachers, staff and school board members have compassion and empathy toward others by embracing citizenship and giving back to the community in various ways. Daily, through generous donations, we receive clothing, care packages, weekend food bags, school supplies, etc. It is inspiring to see the continued and committed support of our community and faith-based organizations that helps to meet the needs of our most vulnerable students and families. Through this support we are able to rise above external challenges and make a difference in the lives of students and families. It is so important that we work together to show how grateful we are for the hard work and dedication of our amazing teachers and support staff who are uplifting our students and families every day, especially those in need. Academic success only takes place when all the pieces come together for our students. I have seen schools collaborating with one another to overcome any barriers to success and help our students reach their full potential. As the holiday season comes upon us, I encourage you to give yourself and others some grace, spread kindness and joy and take pleasure in spending time your family and friends. This time of the year is special, and each day is a gift. May God bless all of you and your families this Thanksgiving and may you have a joyous, safe and restful holiday!

Tim Forson Superintendent of Schools

4 | S T J O H N S PARENT M A G A Z I N E

Protect the Rad years to come

November is Lung Cancer Awareness Month For current and former heavy smokers, Low Dose Computed Tomography screening can find lung cancer earlier than other tests, for optimal success in treatment. A few painless minutes today can help ensure a lot more amazing times ahead. We are committed to your radically good life.

386-274-6000

RadiologyAssociatesImaging.com

10 Science-Backed Benefits of Practicing Gratitude With Kids By Sandi Schwartz

nly recently have scientists begun to study the benefits of gratitude. Vitamin G, as some like to

E E

call it, plays a critical role in happiness. Focusing

on the positive boosts body, mind and spirit. It gives us energy, inspires us and transforms us. In a nutshell, it provides life with meaning by thinking of life as a gift. Don’t you want to give this gift to your children?

Top 10 Benefits of Gratitude Dr. Robert Emmons is the world’s leading scientific expert on gratitude. He conducted studies involving gratitude

physical and interpersonal benefits:

6 | S T J O H N S PARENT M A G A Z I N E

Experience higher levels of positive emotions like optimism, enthusiasm, love and happiness

E E E E E E E

Are kinder and more generous to others Have fewer physical problems including pain Exercise more regularly and eat healthier Sleep better Visit the doctor more regularly for checkups Feel less stressed Are able to cope with stress more effectively and recover more quickly from stressful situations

journals and found that when people regularly engage in gratitude, they experience measurable psychological,

Feel better about their lives overall

Live longer–on average, being thankful adds seven years to our lives!

How It Works Why does saying thank you have so many benefits for us? When we count our blessings, we interrupt the cycle

5 Ways To Keep Gratitude Journals With Your Kids 1. Blog

of negative and fearful thoughts, which allows the stress

My son just started getting writing assignments in

system in our bodies to recover. Research shows that

second grade using a student blog site. He loves

when we are thankful, we love our lives and want to

seeing his words online and gets so excited when

make sure we stick around long enough to enjoy them.

classmates comment on his posts. Why not set up a

Also, when we receive praise from others, our brain

family gratitude journal blog (password protected,

releases the chemical dopamine, which encourages us

of course)? You can even involve grandparents and

to do more to receive such praise. This makes us want to

cousins, no matter how far they live. You could

thank others and make them feel good as well.

introduce this idea at the Thanksgiving table and

How To Teach Children Gratitude In her book 10 Mindful Minutes, Goldie Hawn explains that being thankful is not a natural instinct; children need to be taught how to do it. She asks parents to be a good example to their children by thanking them often. It is important to explain to our children why they are being praised. Another important tip is to be careful not to judge how our children express gratitude. Young children under age 7 may not fully grasp the concept. It is not what they are thankful for but that they are

challenge everyone to submit a post each week throughout the year. 2. Audio Recording Children love to hear their own voices. You can have them record their journal on a phone or tablet. Once you have the recordings, you can get really creative by posting them online for others to listen to or you can even put it to music and create a song or rap using highlights of what they said. 3. Videos

learning how to express gratitude that matters. If they

Children also love watching videos of themselves.

want to be thankful for a toy, that is okay.

My daughter can spend hours watching herself on

Keeping a gratitude journal is the backbone of gratitude scientific research. Anytime you read about gratitude, you will be asked to write down five points you are thankful for that day or week on an ongoing basis. Over time, you will begin to experience the benefits of gratitude such as stress reduction and optimism. I tried the traditional journal approach when I first learned about gratitude and it did not work for me. I found it repetitive and boring, to be perfectly blunt. This is why I started my nightly ritual of the gratitude prayer with my children. That works for us, but each family needs to discover what is most effective for them. Plus, you don’t want it to become an annoying chore–it is supposed to make you happier after all! Here are some ideas for fun, creative gratitude journals using a variety of media. As technology changes and our children learn more about what they can do with

my phone. They will have a blast talking about what they are thankful for and watching it over and over. Maybe have them pretend to be reporters and their gratitude is the news of the day. Or they can act out scenes from the wonderful moments they had. 4. Drawings For children who are more visual or artistic, ask them to draw or paint what they are thankful for at the time. You can then put the artwork together in a book organized by month or year. Create your own handmade journal or take pictures and use Snapfish or an online slideshow to present the images. 5. Collage Looking for pictures in magazines or online to build a gratitude collage is a fun family project. And no artistic talent is required! All that cutting is also a great way for your child to build fine motor skills.

computers, tablets and smartphones, we should show

I hope you enjoy saying thank you with your children in

them how to use these tools for something positive–for

these innovative ways. You can mix and match these media

making them feel better.

as well, such as posting videos on your gratitude blog. S T J O H N S PARENT M A G A Z I N E | 7

It’s a Choice By Brianna Carter, mamaknowsnada.com

very morning, my husband and I started incorporating a new concept into our 3-year-old’s routine. At the breakfast table, we ask, “What do you choose to be today?”

Putting my long-term hopes aside, I’ve found he has taken to this idea rather quickly. Incredibly, he has even started to remind us there’s a choice to be made each day.

We each go around the table and choose how we will behave throughout the day; a sort of mantra practice to help realign and find a center if we get off course.

“Mommy,” he says, slurping down a smoothie, “what are you choosing today?”

We’re not seasoned yogis or spiritual people. Really, just an average couple trying to find new ways to engage and teach our son about existing in the world around him. We have other goals for it, too. For instance, we strive to use it as a tool to teach him about choice, repercussions and how to navigate emotions, those examples being topics of high priority. Seems a little lofty perhaps. Yet, studies show children learn by repetition(1). If we start navigating emotions and choice patterns productively now, where might he be at age 10, 15 or 20? 8 | S T J O H N S PARENT M A G A Z I N E

Usually, I opt for patience, focus or strength; anything to get me through the day and the never-ending to-do list. I ask, “Declan, what do you choose?” He replies, with a wide, toothy grin, blue eyes smiling, “I choose to be kind.” I pause. My eyes glaze over in a misty haze. His answer is a surprise and so pure. Be still my mama heart.

What does kindness mean? According to the Cambridge Dictionary, “kind” means generous, helpful and thinking about other

people’s feelings(2). Merriam-Webster defines it as of a sympathetic or helpful nature(3). To be honest, I’m not certain he comprehends the undertaking he has chosen. However, the idea that he gravitates toward this principle by nature makes my soul sing. “Ok, Declan, what do you choose to be today?” “Kind,” he replies. So, I take it a step further. “Ok. What does it mean to be kind?” “Helpful.” Solid, kid. That’s a solid start. His reply really got me thinking: What does kindness mean to kids in our surrounding communities? I see them on bikes. Walking their dogs. Skateboarding in the streets. Hanging in the park. Texting. Talking. Swimming in pools. Cruising around the beach. Do these kids have the same idea of kindness that my 3-year-old is developing? I decided to ask. Children in local counties answered the question, “What does kindness mean to you?” Here are their responses: ➥ Friendly, generous and considerate. Brendan, 10. ➥ It means to be nice to others. Help when you did not do it. Pick-up stuff. Help/volunteer for things. Have a big SMILE and be nice. Ka’voni, 9. ➥ Not hitting and not scaring people. Helping another one. Aaron, 5. ➥ Kindness to me means being considerate to others. Haley, 9. ➥ Respecting others, loving, wanting to be around them. Respecting the difference between us. Caroline, 9. ➥ Respecting others’ personal space and how they feel, and what they like or think about you. Ava, 9.5.

Kind is a Verb There is still more to learn on this journey of kindness, both for my son and myself. Being helpful is an excellent place to start. And while we each have room to grow, he is learning certain actions just aren’t acceptable. Things like throwing his “swords” at mommy and daddy or hitting the dog with them. Indeed, these are not actions of a kind person. When he calls me out, saying, “Be kind, mama,” I instantly halt. I must admit, it’s a humbling dose of innocent honesty that truly grounds me; a sudden jab of truth I didn’t know I needed. Although kind is designated as an adjective, in our world, it’s more a verb; it’s what you do. This daily exercise, this mantra-setting, social awareness practice we have started, has also transformed our household. There’s a new standard for behavior and interactions. A precedent has been set. I, too, pause before an unfair statement and take a deep breath before uttering an untoward comment, striving to be a beacon of kindness. Behaviors are changing, from the youngest to the oldest, how we act in our home and outside of it, we now proceed with a sweeter intention. Perhaps this will take off for our son so he can venture into the world, being his own little ball of glowing energy for everyone he encounters. Maybe he’ll be an example to his schoolmates, a little leader, someone who stands up for others. We have yet to see. The ultimate aspiration I have for this morning exercise is that he learns he has the power to change his behavior and mood, as well as the opportunity to positively affect other individuals to do the same. And that’s a lesson he’ll carry with him for years to come. In a world seemingly plagued with contention, controversy and crime, maybe these words from our children need to be highlighted, revisited and reexamined even more. And perhaps, we parents are doing a much better job than we think. Maybe we’re even working towards an unspoken, more unified future, one kind action at a time. 1.

LoBue, V. (2019, July 10). Why children like repetition, and how it helps them learn. Psychology Today. Retrieved October 6, 2021, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-baby-scientist/201907/ why-children-repetition-and-how-it-helps-them-learn

Kind. (2021). In Merriam-Webster. https://www.merriam-webster.com/ dictionary/kind

Kind. (2021b). In Cambridge Dictionary. Cambridge Unive. https:// dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/kind

➥ It means having respect for someone. Dixon, 9. ➥ Treat people nicely no matter how they look. Braden, 9. ➥ Helping. Emily, 9.

S T J O H N S PARENT M A G A Z I N E | 9

Your Family Can Make a Difference:

Choose To Give By Jan Pierce

he evening news is filled with stories of natural disasters or the ravages of war. Our children are aware that many others just their age are

suffering. What can we do to both alleviate that suffering and teach our children compassion? It sometimes seems that any effort we might make is merely a drop in the bucket. But… that really doesn’t matter. It’s like the story of the boy on the beach caught throwing starfish back into the ocean so they wouldn’t die. The observer ridiculed the boy’s efforts saying he’d never get them all back in and what he was doing really didn’t make a difference. His answer: “It makes a difference to the ones I

throw back in.” And that’s the answer. We can’t fix the whole world, but we can impact one person, one family or one village. We can alleviate pain and suffering somewhere for a time, and we can make a difference in that circumstance. We have a choice—to try to help or to ignore the situation. It feels good to try. There are thousands of organizations around the world dedicated to giving aid. And, there are many ways to help. Here are some of the possibilities. Which way will your family choose to make a difference?

Sponsor a Child There are many organizations that support the care, feeding and education of children. Sometimes they’re orphans and sometimes they’re

10 | S T J O H N S PARENT M A G A Z I N E

just children of families who have moved into care

supply. And when training in animal husbandry is

homes when families can’t support them. Increasingly

added, the animals can bear young and supply both

young girls are being rescued from the sex trade and

food and income for generations to come. Heifer

given a chance at a new life in such homes. If you’re

International, Practical Presents and Present Aid are

interested in supporting a child overseas, be sure to

three organizations providing such aid.

decide whether you’re a one-time supporter or you’re in it for years. Sometimes you’ll receive pictures and letters from the children you support, sometimes not. It’s important to understand that there are many mouths to feed in such homes and the ones who don’t get supported need to eat as well. So your money may go into a fund that supports all. These children grow up or move away at times so be prepared to either select a new child or choose another way to give. Some of the best organizations for child sponsorship are World Vision, Shared Hope International, She Is Safe (formerly Sisters in Service) and Save the Children.

Make Micro-Loans All around the world women are receiving small seed loans to begin their own businesses or learn how to save and earn interest to better support their families. A loan of only enough money for an American family to go out to dinner will literally change a life in Asia or Africa. Since the beginning of the micro-loan concept, it has been established that they work best for women who tend to have a much higher rate of success and repayment. Loans are taken to begin small sewing or cooking businesses. They’re taken to save for education and for any number of small business ventures. The best-known organization for micro-loans is Kiva.org.

Community Development Projects Another way to give to overseas aid projects is to fund organizations doing community development. This may be in the form of digging wells to provide clean water to a community or providing mosquito nets to prevent the spread of malaria. It might be an agricultural project such as growing a healthier form of a grain or introducing a new trade into a community. MCC, the Mennonite Central Committee, does these projects as well as Mercy Corps.

Food/Feeding Programs When people are hungry there is nothing else on their minds. They can’t improve their job skills, go to school or otherwise get their lives in order. They need food. Hunger Plus Incorporated and Food for the Hungry are two organizations that specialize in distributing food. There are many other organizations that do food distribution in addition to many other projects to benefit the poor and needy.

Locally Perhaps you’re saying to yourself “There are plenty of projects to do right here in my own backyard.” And you’d be right. While the level of poverty tends to be

Support Medical Projects

greater in developing nations, there are many needs in

Imagine the joy experienced when a person with

in Big Brother or Sister programs or work through local

cataracts has them corrected in a simple operation

food banks to feed the poor in your own community.

and they can see again. Or imagine one suffering with

There are so many opportunities for your family to give

infected, rotten teeth who has dental services provided.

of your time, energy, and money.

Often, clinics in other countries are basic hygiene and eye and dental services that we take for granted as normal health care. Giving aid to organizations such as Medical Teams International or Doctors Without Borders is a wonderful way to bring basic healthcare to those who never expect to have it.

Purchase Animals Providing goats, chickens, pigs and other animals can literally change the life of a family with limited food

our own communities. Maybe you’d like to volunteer

Below you’ll find a site to vet non-profit aid organizations and also a great website, Doing Good Together which teaches families how to intentionally live generous lives. www.doinggoodtogether.org www.charitynavigator.org Jan Pierce is a freelance writer and the author of Homegrown Readers and Homegrown Family Fun. Find Jan at www.janpierce.net. S T J O H N S PARENT M A G A Z I N E | 11

13 Ways To Boost Your Daughter’s Self-Esteem How to help girls build confidence based on what they can do, not what they look like By Juliann Garey

In a culture saturated with digitally altered images of impossibly thin women, raising girls with high self-esteem can be daunting indeed. But as parents, you have great influence—both by what you say and what you do. Here’s some advice from experts Catherine Steiner-Adair, EdD, a clinical psychologist, school consultant and creator of “Full of Ourselves,” a social-emotional program for girls, Anea Bogue, MA, author (9 Ways We Are Screwing Up Our Girls and How We Can Stop) and the creator of REALgirl, an empowerment program for girls, and Mary Rooney, PhD, a clinical psychologist who specializes in adolescents.

12 | S T J O H N S PARENT M A G A Z I N E

1. Model body acceptance Moms have a huge impact on their daughters’ body image. Don’t ask, “Do these jeans make me look fat?” or obsess out loud about food or put your appearance down. Avoid what Dr. Steiner-Adair calls the “morality of orality”—talking about food and yourself as “good” or “bad.” As in: I was bad today; I had pizza. So I’m not going to have dessert.

2. Make your daughter media literate “Watch TV with her and talk about what you see,” says Dr. Steiner-Adair. “Help her develop a critical eye through which to decode and filter media messages.”

3. Don’t raise her as a “pleaser” Encourage her to stand up for what she needs and wants. “Create opportunities for her to use her voice,” Bogue advises. “Ask ‘What do you want?’ Let her make a choice and then honor that choice.”

4. Start team sports early Research shows girls who play on teams have higher self-esteem. “There’s a very common correlation, in my experience,” says Bogue, “between girls who play team sports and girls who suffer less with low selfesteem because they are looking to other girls for their value, and within, as opposed to looking to boys for validation.”

5. Moms, don’t borrow your daughter’s clothes “You want to let her have her own style, her own look,” says Dr. Steiner-Adair. “Especially, and this is a really hard thing if you have a mom who by society’s standards is prettier or thinner than her daughter.”

6. Direct your praise away from appearance “I think that we need to make a very conscious effort to balance our compliments about a girl’s appearance with compliments about who she is and what she DOES in the world,” says Bogue. “Challenge yourself to match every compliment you give about your daughter’s appearance with at least two compliments about something nonappearance-based, and do the same for other girls who cross your path — your daughter’s friends, nieces, etc.”

7. Help her build skills that are independent of appearance “Get her involved in activities that build a sense of confidence, rather than focusing on looking good and acquiring things,” Dr. Rooney suggests. “Sports, theater,

music, art. Anything really that can help girls express themselves through words or creativity or activity rather than through their appearance or what they’re carrying around.”

8. Speak up about your daughter’s school curriculum Does it include a female perspective? “Imagine if you were putting together a family history,” Bogue says, “and you only asked the men about their memories, about their perspective. Think about all of the information that would be lost.”

9. Praise your daughter for her efforts rather than her performance “Focus less on the outcome and more on efforts and the development of new skills,” says Dr. Rooney. Mastery is what builds confidence, and learning to tolerate failure fosters resilience.

10. Be careful about what magazines you have in the house “Research suggests,” says Steiner-Adair, “that after 15 minutes of looking at a fashion magazine, mood shifts from curiosity and enthusiasm to comparing yourself and putting yourself down.”

11. Don’t trash talk other women “And don’t let the boys and men in your household do it either,” adds Dr. Steiner- Adair. “Don’t let kids tease each other around food or looks. Do not let that go down in your house. It’s really harmful.”

12. Dads: Don’t treat your daughter like a damsel in distress “When fathers treat girls as though they are these fragile, helpless, little beings,” Bogue says, “the message is, ‘Your role is to look good so a man will sweep in and save you.’ Instead, give her the opportunity and the tools—to change her own tire, to use her voice and speak up for herself, to play sports, to be able to brush herself off and get back up. I think it’s a good measure to say, ‘If I would do it with my son, I should be prepared to do it with my daughter.’”

13. Make sure she knows you love her no matter what She needs to know that you’ll love her “no matter how her appearance might change or how she dresses or how she might perform at something,” says Dr. Rooney. “Because even though kids are so reliant on their peers for feedback when they’re in their teens, what her parents think of her matters just as much as it ever did.” S T J O H N S PARENT M A G A Z I N E | 13

5 Ways To Make Kindness a Family Activity By Sandi Schwartz

hy do you help others? Yes, it’s the right thing to do – but did you know that it also makes you happier and healthier? It may seem a bit selfish to look at how being kind to others is beneficial to us personally, but the recent science surrounding kindness is so fascinating that we can’t ignore it. Plus, it’s important for parents to understand why we want to instill kindness in our children so that we can provide all the reasons to them when they question it.

What Happens When We Are Kind? Kindness is a win-win for both the giver and receiver. Our brain chemistry actually changes when we do something nice for another person. Studies show that thinking about, watching or practicing kindness stimulates the vagus nerve, which is linked to the production of oxytocin in our brain. Oxytocin is a hormone that soothes us, making us feel calmer and happier. Kindness also triggers the production of dopamine, the hormone responsible for positive emotions and that natural high feeling we get. As a result, we experience positive health changes including: • Increased life expectancy • Feeling less lonely • Stronger immune system • Fewer aches and pains • Decrease in stress and anxiety • Less depression

How Kindness and Stress Are Connected How can helping someone else reduce our stress level? A study published recently by UCLA and Yale University School of Medicine linked acts of kindness to stress reduction. For 14 days, a group of adults was asked to report stressful events they experienced each day from several categories (e.g., interpersonal, work/education, home, finance, health/accident). They were also asked to report whether they participated in various helpful behaviors (e.g., held open a door, helped with schoolwork, asked someone if they needed help) that day. Results showed that on any given day, helping others controlled the effects of stress on overall health. 14 | S T J O H N S PARENT M A G A Z I N E

Researchers concluded that volunteerism can be an important way of coping with stress. According to the Association for Psychological Science, study author Emily Ansell of the Yale University School of Medicine said, “Stressful days usually lead us to have a worse mood and poorer mental health, but our findings suggest that if we do small things for others, such as holding a door open for someone, we won’t feel as poorly on stressful days.”

Ways To Expand Kindness in Your Family’s Life Now that you know all the amazing benefits of kindness, don’t you just want to get out there and make someone smile? There are so many simple ways you can incorporate kindness into your family’s daily routine. • Find a local volunteer project to do as a family. • Do random acts of kindness with your kids and talk to them about the experience. How did it make them feel? Some ideas include leaving a treat on a neighbor’s doorstep, giving a very generous tip to restaurant staff, opening a door for a stranger and helping the elderly with groceries. • Send a thank-you note to someone who has done something special for you. • Join a kindness challenge. I encourage everyone to sign up with KindSpring. The site offers kindness challenges and an online community of people who practice small acts of kindness, share stories and support each other. • Bring kindness programs to your child’s school. Check out the following wonderful resources: ς Ripple Kindness Project: Provides a kindness school curriculum and an interactive community with stories and inspiration. They also offer kindness cards and other products. ς Random Acts of Kindness Foundation: Encourages the spread of kindness in schools, communities and homes through inspiration, ideas, stories and school curriculum. ς Kindness Matters 365: This program connects children with philanthropic organizations so they can learn firsthand what it means to be a good Samaritans – through acts of charity and kindness.

Dr. Mary McLeod Bethune is Here! And She’s Magnificent! Statue by Nilda Comas, Master Sculptor

A Historic and Momentous Occasion in the History of Florida. Through December 12, 2021 NEWS-JOURNAL CENTER 221 North Beach Street Daytona Beach, FL 32114 EXHIBIT HOURS: SUNDAY - SATURDAY 10AM - 3PM EXHIBIT CLOSES AT 4:00 PM DAILY ADMISSION IS FREE GET TICKETS AT MMBSTATUE.ORG Hosted by

Co-hosted by Dr. Mary McLeod Bethune National Alumni Association

Marketing and Media Partners

Presenting Sponsor

Diabetes in Children By Brittany S Bruggeman, MD, FAAP Assistant Professor | Pediatric Endocrinology UF Health Shands Children’s Hospital

ne of the best parts of my job is caring for kids’ medical needs while also having a blast at the Florida Diabetes Camp each July. At the camp, children with diabetes get to be their best selves, enjoying paddling on the lake, having s’mores by the fire and gaining the confidence and skills to achieve their full potential while living life with diabetes. A typical day in their camp life includes: • Checking their blood sugar a minimum of 10 times per day (and often much more), including middle-ofthe-night checks • Counting every carbohydrate that they eat, calculating insulin doses and giving an injection or pump bolus a minimum of four times per day (but often many more times) • Dealing with the many different factors that can affect blood sugar including sleep, stress, exercise, dehydration, medication interactions, puberty and the Florida heat • Managing the inevitable high and low blood sugars • All while living life as a preteen kid, with all of the relationship dramas, hormones, learning and growing involved in this exciting time. Children with diabetes are dealing with a lot, and they manage to do so while also accomplishing great things 16 | S T J O H N S PARENT M A G A Z I N E

in their life. While children with diabetes and their families have to deal with the brunt of the burden that comes with living with diabetes, there are ways that we can help. During this Diabetes Awareness Month, here are a few things that we can all do to support children with diabetes and their families

Educate yourself about the causes of diabetes

Diabetes affects about 1 in 300 children and adolescents in the United States. It is a result of the body either not making enough insulin or not being able to use insulin properly. Insulin is a hormone that allows your body to use carbohydrates as fuel. When it’s not working, carbohydrates are broken down into sugar (glucose), which builds up in the blood and urine while fat is used as an alternate energy source. In most children and adolescents, diabetes is caused by an autoimmune attack against the cells in the pancreas that make insulin. Even though the body’s immune system is designed to fight off foreign invaders like bacteria and viruses, it mistakenly starts to destroy these cells. This is called type 1 diabetes. In another situation, an adolescent’s body is making high levels of insulin, but the body is not able to use it appropriately. Eventually, the pancreas tires out, and then these adolescents also don’t make enough insulin. This is called type 2

diabetes, and it is caused by a combination of genes, hormone imbalances and lifestyle factors. In no situation is diabetes the sole result of eating desserts. So next time you think about making a joke about getting diabetes from eating something sweet, think twice! It’s offensive to many people with diabetes, a multifaceted and difficult to manage disease that results from many complex factors.

Educate yourself about the signs and symptoms

of diabetes Children can get diabetes as early as infancy. Signs and symptoms can develop and progress very rapidly in kids, so if they are present, it’s important to go see a doctor. They include: • Increased thirst • Frequent urination. Children who were previously potty trained may start to have accidents overnight. • Weight loss • Extreme hunger • Fatigue • Headache • Fruity smelling breath • Yeast infections • Dark skin over the back of the neck that can’t be scrubbed off (also called acanthosis nigricans). This is typically a very early sign of risk for type 2 diabetes. • Nausea, vomiting, belly pain and lethargy The first two symptoms, increased thirst and frequent urination, typically occur earliest. If these have developed and your child also develops nausea, vomiting, belly pain or lethargy, it’s very important to see a doctor right away, because they may be experiencing a serious complication of low insulin levels called diabetic ketoacidosis, which can be lifethreatening.

Educate yourself about daily life with diabetes

Life with diabetes can be complicated. Children and families are tasked with keeping their blood sugar within a certain range, but over 40 different factors affect blood sugar, which are sometimes out of their control. Many children have to check their blood sugars frequently through either finger pokes or a device called

a continuous glucose monitor, and in many cases, they need to count all of their carbohydrates and dose insulin for what they eat through injections or an insulin pump. With all of these complicating factors on top of living daily life, we should try to make life easier for children with diabetes, not harder, which leads to my next point.

4. Don’t stigmatize people with diabetes, support them! • People with diabetes are just that- people with diabetes. They are people first whose disease is a part of their daily life but does not define them. Many people with diabetes do not prefer the term “diabetic,” as in, “she’s a diabetic,” since it puts the disease before the person. • Choose your words carefully with empathy and awareness. For example, people with diabetes are experts in their own disease. They do not need unprompted advice about how to eat (and yes, they can eat dessert!), how to cure their disease or how to live their life. • Diabetes management is 24/7. So if someone needs to check their blood sugar or give insulin in front of you, don’t make them feel singled out. They should be able to inject insulin or prick their finger at a family meal, restaurant or any public place without people commenting or staring. • People with diabetes are not to blame for their disease. Individual behaviors and choices alone do not cause diabetes. Questions and comments from individuals that imply this are hurtful and stigmatizing. • Our medical system can often make life with diabetes harder rather than easier. The cost of insulin has soared over the last 15 years, and families of children with diabetes have five times the out-ofpocket medical costs as other families. They need our help and support to advocate for reduced costs. Children and families make living with diabetes look easy to the outside world, but life with diabetes is anything but easy. This Diabetes Awareness Month, let’s come together as a community to support these amazing kids. For more information: https://www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/ conditions/chronic/Pages/Diabetes.aspx https://www.jdrf.org/t1d-resources/about/symptoms/ children S T J O H N S PARENT M A G A Z I N E | 17

How To Help Your Teen Be More Productive By Cheryl Maguire

“

t is eleven o’clock. You should go to sleep now.” “But I haven’t finished my homework yet.”

This common exchange between my 13-year-old daughter and me occurs more often than I care to admit. Even though she gets home at 2 p.m., she often procrastinates completing her homework until right before bedtime. She is also a repeat offender of waiting until the last minute to start research projects. Being productive when completing homework or in a job is an issue for many teenagers who are easily distracted by electronics, socializing or other fun activities.

Put Away Devices “The best tip for teens to improve productivity is to put your phone away. Our smartphones can be exceptionally

useful tools, but they can also be exceptionally distracting,” says Emily Price, author of the book, Productivity Hacks: 500+ Easy Ways to Accomplish More at Work--That Actually Work! Price wrote the book based on 15 years of interviewing people ranging from low-level employees to CEOs. Price says, “Everyone and every company has a different approach to ‘how to work.’” Price recommends that teens put their phone in another room when they are trying to be productive. If they need their phone for homework, then she suggests using “Do Not Disturb” mode to limit the distracting sounds of a “pinging phone.” She says, “Being disconnected for a few hours can make a tremendous difference to your productivity.”

Have a Dedicated Workspace Price also suggests a dedicated workspace. She says, “Having an ‘office’ or a place where you traditionally do your work can be great for a number of reasons. First, it can help put you in the mindset for ‘work’ when you sit down. Secondly, it can be a signal to other people in your home that you’re busy working and shouldn’t be disturbed.” “The most important thing when it comes to teens being productive in school and with homework or any jobs is

18 | S T J O H N S PARENT M A G A Z I N E

making sure that they are intrinsically motivated,” says Maria Sanders, a licensed social worker and certified parent coach.

Have Teens Create Their Own Plan Sanders explains that you can help your teen become motivated by allowing them to feel competent, connected and autonomous. She says, “It is important for teens to come up with their own plan of action of how they can be productive rather than having the parent dictate the best tips and strategies.”

If your teen isn’t getting enough sleep at night then Sander encourages parents to ask questions like, “Do you feel tired in the morning or during the day? How can you improve the amount of sleep you are getting at night?” These questions can help them to figure out a way to improve their sleep schedule.

Use A Productivity App In Price’s book, she recommends various apps that can help increase productivity. Some apps that Price thinks teens would find beneficial are:

If a teen can be involved in their decision-making process of how to be productive then it is more likely that they will follow through with their work. While they are thinking of a productivity plan have them consider any obstacles or challenges that will be barriers to their productivity along with their strengths and resources.

RescueTime: This app will track how much time you spend on certain websites and certain apps on your computer. You can use this information to be more aware of the time spent on social media and then change it by setting a timer when using social media if necessary, to be more productive.

Eat Breakfast

Just Read: is a Chrome extension that will remove things like flashy webpage styles, pop-up ads and comments, and will turn the article into a simplified text which helps to prevent distractions while reading.

Price and Sanders agree that starting the day by eating breakfast helps your mind to become more alert and provides energy to be productive in school. Since most teenagers get up early for school, eating breakfast can be a challenge. If this is an issue due to time, then Price suggests drinking a smoothie or eating a protein bar. She says, “Breakfast doesn’t have to mean eggs and bacon, but it should involve enough calories to kickstart your metabolism and keep you full until lunchtime.” Sanders explains that if your teen isn’t eating breakfast then ask questions like, “Do you think skipping breaking is working for you? Do you have enough energy during school?” These questions can help teens to feel part of the decision-making process and think about their choices.

Get Enough Sleep Another key factor in being productive is getting enough sleep which is often an issue for most teens who like to stay up late and need to get up early for school. Price says, “One of the best things you can do to boost your productivity is to get enough sleep.” Price suggests that teens do not sleep in the same room as their phones which can disrupt or prevent them from going to sleep. She also says that taking a warm shower before going to bed can relax your muscles and prepare your body for sleep.

Forest: This app grows virtual trees when you’re not using your phone. When you launch an app or browse the Internet, the trees wither and die. Using this app will make you more aware of how much you’re using your phone and encourage you to put it away so your virtual trees and productivity can grow. Grammarly: This web and mobile app can read through the text you write and look for any spelling or grammar errors. FocusWriter: is a minimalist word processing app for Windows, Mac and Linux that forces you to focus on something you’re writing by preventing you from doing other things on your computer. The app blocks programs and websites that might take your attention away from your writing, and it allows you to set timers to break up your work into sessions so you’re not working too much at once. When you take care of your physical health by having proper nutrition and sleep, then you can focus on two key factors to improving productivity, which are motivation and preventing distractions. Sanders says, “It is important to understand how powerful our children are when they are motivated.”

S T J O H N S PARENT M A G A Z I N E | 19

Welcome to the

Book Nook! By Debbie Trask

Toddlers

Baby Be Kind

by Jane Cowen-Fletcher

Kindness Makes us Strong by Sophie Beer

Kindness is a friendly hello. A roaring cheer. A quick boost. Kindness is what makes us strong! Follow a group of children as they extend kindness in all sorts of situations: on the playground, at lunchtime and on a neighborhood street. This sweet board book shows how kindness helps build friendship and community.

The Nice Book

by David Ezra Stein, illustrated by David Ezra Stein

From cuddling koalas to friendly penguins, an array of animals illustrates fun, sweet and silly examples of “how to be nice,” showing simple ways young children can show they care for those around them. The lyrical text, funny illustrations and upbeat friendship message make this a great gift and a wonderful introduction to manners.

What are some easy ways to be kind? Say hi to your friend. Be nice to your puppy. If you see someone fall down, maybe you can help them up! How about sharing your cookies or crackers? Or giving a tired someone a ride in your little wagon? From taking turns to saying you’re sorry, trying not to be angry to giving a big hug, these simplest of gestures, rendered in Jane Cowen-Fletcher’s adorable style, show that being kind feels so good that even a baby will want to try it.

Elementary Aged Do Unto Otters: A Book About Manners by Laurie Keller (PreK-2)

Mr. Rabbit’s new neighbors are Otters. OTTERS! But he doesn’t know anything about otters. Will they get along? Will they be friends? Just treat otters the same way you’d like them to treat you, advises Mr. Owl. In her smart, playful style Laurie Keller highlights how to be a good friend and neighbor—simply follow the Golden Rule! This title has Common Core connections.

ABCs of Kindness

by Samantha Berger, illustrated by Ekaterina Trukhan

Starting with A and ending with Z, this beautifully illustrated book will show young readers the many ways they can make the world a kinder place. A diverse cast of children shows everyday acts of kindness and generosity through thoughtful and vibrant illustrations. Whether it be donating blankets to the animal shelter, helping with chores or standing up for what’s right, this is the perfect book to spark conversations at home or in the classroom about the concepts of empathy and compassion. Featuring durable cardstock pages and approachable language, this book will encourage children to be their best selves wherever they go. 20 | S T J O H N S PARENT M A G A Z I N E

Here We Are-Notes for Living on Planet Earth by Oliver Jeffers

Insightfully sweet, with a gentle humor and poignancy, here is Oliver Jeffers’ user’s guide to life on Earth. He created it specially for his son, yet with a universality that embraces all children and their parents. Be it a complex view of our planet’s terrain (bumpy, sharp, wet), a deep look at our place in space (it’s big) or a guide to all of humanity (don’t be fooled, we are all people), Oliver’s signature wit and humor combine with a value system of kindness and tolerance to create a must-have book for parents.

I Walk with Vanessa - A Picture Book Story About a Simple Act of Kindness by Kerascoët

Inspired by real events, I Walk with Vanessa explores the feelings of helplessness and anger that arise in the wake of seeing a classmate treated badly and shows how a single act of kindness can lead to an entire community joining in to help. By choosing only pictures to tell their story, the creators underscore the idea that someone can be an ally without having to say a word. With themes of acceptance, kindness and strength in numbers, this timeless and profound feel-good story will resonate with readers young and old.

Buckets, Dippers, and Lids: Secrets to Your Happiness by Carol McCloud, illustrated by Glen Zimmer

This bridge book release in the bestselling Bucket Fillers line takes the concept of bucket filling one step further by adding the idea that we also have an invisible lid. We “use our lid” to protect and keep the happiness inside our bucket. Offering charming illustrations with personified buckets, dippers and lids, readers learn what gives happiness, what takes it away and what protects it. This concrete concept helps children of all ages grow in understanding, kindness, self-control, resilience, empathy and forgiveness. A valuable teaching tool for home, school and life, this is a stand-alone or companion book to the other award-winning books by Bucket Fillers, Inc.

Kindness Snippet Jar by Diane Alber

A fun and creative way to teach children KINDNESS! Kindness snippet jar is a story about a little snippet who wants desperately to live in a kindness jar because he learns that it brings kindness to the world, but can’t figure out the right words to help spread kindness. He asks several other snippets how they find their words and he soon discovers he has to do something kind for his words to appear! It takes him a while to figure out what to do, but when he finally gets his words it turns out pretty amazing! What makes this book so unique is that it inspires children to make their own kindness snippet jar! There are directions in the back of the book to make your very own jar and some inspiration for the kindness snippets too!

Upper Elementary/Middle School Count Me In by Varsha Bajaj

Karina Chopra had no interest in becoming friends with Chris, but when her grandpa starts tutoring him she realizes he is nothing at all like the mean boys he hangs out with. One day, while her grandpa walks them home from school, a stranger assaults the group because of the way Karina and her Indian-American grandfather look. Determined not to let hate win, Karina posts photos on social media that go viral and brings the community together as others post their own images that celebrate the beauty of diversity.

Wonder

by R. J. Palacio

August Pullman was born with a facial difference that, up until now, has prevented him from going to a mainstream school. Starting 5th grade at Beecher Prep, he wants nothing more than to be treated as an ordinary kid—but his new classmates can’t get past Auggie’s extraordinary face. Beginning from Auggie’s point of view and expanding to include his classmates, his sister, her boyfriend and others, the perspectives converge to form a portrait of one community’s struggle with empathy, compassion and acceptance. In a world where bullying among young people is an epidemic, this is a refreshing new narrative full of heart and hope.

Restart

by Gordon Korman

Chase’s memory just went out the window. Chase doesn’t remember falling off the roof. He doesn’t remember hitting his head. He doesn’t, in fact, remember anything. He wakes up in a hospital room and suddenly has to learn his whole life all over again . . . starting with his own name. He knows he’s Chase. But who is Chase? When he gets back to school, he sees that different kids have very different reactions to his return. Some kids treat him like a hero. Some kids are clearly afraid of him. One girl in particular is so angry with him that she pours her frozen yogurt on his head the first chance she gets. Pretty soon, it’s not only a question of who Chase is--it’s a question of who he was . . . and who he’s going to be. From the #1 bestselling author of Swindle and Slacker, Restart is the spectacular story of a kid with a messy past who has to figure out what it means to get a clean start.

S T J O H N S PARENT M A G A Z I N E | 21

Car ing for St. Johns Hugs St. Johns Fills a

en years ago, a group of moms wanted to help out at Website Elementary, a Title 1 school in St. Johns County. They volunteered at the school one or two times a week. They quickly took notice of how excited the kids were to see them, running to greet them with hugs when they went. They saw that children came to school in painfully small clothing and shoes, that they lacked school supplies and that they were hungry. These amazing women stepped up and helped. Over the past 10 years, Founder Brette Reiman has established an all-volunteer, 501c3 nonprofit organization that provides emergency assistance to St. Johns County children in-need. Their programs address lack of clothing, food and books, and they now have a Girls Empowerment Program. Students are recommended for their programs by the St. Johns County school counselors and homeless liaisons. I had the pleasure of speaking with co-directors Rachel Erickson and Angie Clark. They each have two

22 | S T J O H N S PARENT M A G A Z I N E

elementary school children in St. Johns schools, and this mission is close to their hearts. Rachel and Angie were kind enough to tell us about their programs. Clothing Program: The Clothing Program provides a full week of clothes, shoes and needed toiletries to students in need. Food Program: Hugs St. Johns operates food pantries in 10 schools and at the Boys & Girls Club. They cover snacks and food for weekends when school meals are not available. They also sponsor No Hungry Holidays, during which 1,200 to 1,400 bags of food are distributed to cover a period when those in need frequently go hungry without the assistance of school-provided meals. Book Program: Do you remember the excitement of holding a book that is all your own? Hugs St. Johns works with First Books to give books to early elementary students. Many of these children have no books of their

s Neediest Students: a Void with Kindness

own at home, and these books become the start of their personal libraries. The program also supplies volunteer readers in classrooms, giving children the joy of being read to. Girls Empowerment Program: This exciting program provides lunch and lessons monthly to female students in middle school. There are guest speakers and teachers providing insight on a multitude of subjects aimed to give participants self-confidence and make them aware of opportunities. My first question after hearing about these wonderful programs was How can people help? Volunteers are needed to:

💟 Donate clothes, shoes and hygiene products 💟 Put together bags of clothing 💟 Help drive supplies to schools 💟 Put together food drives

By Jeanne Coates

💟 Purchase items from their Amazon WishList 💟 Stock food items in the warehouse 💟 Donate Books, especially books with strong diverse characters, to the Book Program

💟 Volunteer with the Girls Empowerment Program There are Hugs Club Chapters where high school students can get volunteer hours. They put together food and clothing bags, help at the warehouse and work food drives at farmers’ markets. This volunteer work is done during school hours. If you would like your younger children to volunteer, we recommend that you assist them in setting up a food or clothing drive. No Hungry Holidays are quickly approaching, and they can use your help. If you have a need, please contact your child’s guidance counselor. If you would like to help, please contact Hugs St. Johns at 904-580-HUGS (4847) or visit www.stjohnshugs.org.

S T J O H N S PARENT M A G A Z I N E | 23

When Siblings Won’t Stop Fighting By Katherine Martinelli, Child Mind Institute

nyone with more than one child knows that even siblings who are the best of friends can still get on each other’s nerves. And it’s certainly understandable — they’re forced to live under the same roof and spend much of their free

time together. Inevitably, they are competing for limited attention and resources. Who wouldn’t get irritated in that situation, at least occasionally? But what’s a parent to do when things escalate and it seems like the kids are fighting constantly? It can make the home feel like a battlefield and the adults more like peace negotiators than parents. Fortunately, Stephanie Lee, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute, says there is a bright side. While sibling squabbles can certainly be stressful, “having siblings gives kids good practice for social skills that they need in the

24 | S T J O H N S PARENT M A G A Z I N E

real world. If parents see these things as opportunities to

times,” notes Dr. Lee. “We want to encourage that in

teach, that can be really positive,” says Dr. Lee. Learning

order to really change their behavior.”

to healthily navigate conflicts with siblings can teach kids about things like taking turns, sharing, body autonomy,

Make a plan

when to turn to an adult and using words rather than

Of course, even with all the positive reinforcement

physical force to solve a problem.

in the world, siblings will still fight. Another thing

Here are some things parents can do to help keep the peace in the home.

Get at the root of the conflict So often parents end up playing referee, breaking up fights and calling fouls as they happen —repeatedly. But to truly break the cycle, it’s crucial to take a step back and try to get at what the root cause of the conflict might be so you can address that instead. For example, if it seems like your kids are always fighting over toys, try to look for a pattern. When does it happen? Dr. Lee points out that frequently siblings will start fighting over a toy seemingly out of nowhere, after a brief period of peace. “What the kids might really be fighting for is their parents’ attention after they’ve

that parents can do ahead of time is to coach the kids — often the older sibling, in particular — on how to respond in a productive way rather than escalating a conflict. For example, you might let your child know that if her sibling hits her or snatches a toy she should come and calmly let you know rather than retaliating. Or if a younger sibling is always knocking down structures, for example, the parent can coach the older sibling to go in a separate room to build or to build structures specifically for the other to destruct. Also, parents can make clear that there’s a difference between running to a parent every time there’s the slightest disagreement and seeking help to resolve an issue. And, of course, they should alert an adult if a sibling gets violent.

played nicely for a long period of time,” says Dr. Lee.

If there’s a constant source of conflict, planning can

“Kids aren’t really so concerned about the toy, it’s more

help ease the tension. Dr. Lee works with a set of older

that they’ve figured out these patterns of behavior

siblings, for example, who always fought over who could

that when I yell, when I kick, someone gets involved

sit in the front passenger seat of the car. So, they made

immediately.”

a plan that both kids agreed on: one sibling got to sit in

Praise the positive Laying some positive groundwork may help reduce these negative behaviors. This can be done by shifting the focus to recognize cooperative behavior as it’s happening. “Stop and praise your kids right then for playing collaboratively,” suggests Dr. Lee. “Get involved proactively to say, ‘I see you guys sharing that toy,’ ‘Wow, great job taking turns,’ or ‘Wow, I love how you guys are playing together.’” Letting them drink up that positive attention may help to reduce their need for negative attention later. “For every time you catch them fighting, you want to catch them playing nicely together three to five more

the front seat on even days and the other kid got odd days, and that was that. They knew what to expect and had a predictable solution that remedied the conflict. Setting a timer for taking turns with a coveted object is another great, actionable tactic. And it’s important to be clear on what items should be shared and what can be reserved. Is a brand-new toy off-limit? Certain special items? Parents can give kids each three stickers, for example, to put on three special things that are offlimits, which can be switched as their moods and likes change. The important thing is to be clear and consistent and to set up predictable outcomes — all while praising them any time they do a great job with it. “The more proactive

S T J O H N S PARENT M A G A Z I N E | 25

you can be the better off you’re going to be in terms of

If there’s discontent over something like this, parents can

setting the stage for success,” advises Dr. Lee.

explain the logic behind the “unfair” exception, but “we

Tootle, don’t tattle Another way to create a more positive social dynamic is to celebrate tootling rather than tattling. Tootling, as Dr. Lee describes, is calling someone out for positive behavior. So, for example, encourage your kids to come and tell you when their sibling shares a toy or demonstrates kindness, then make a big deal out of the positive actions of both children. Depending on your

don’t need to give explanations for everything,” says Dr. Lee. “If that’s the rule, that’s the rule.” Parents can model dealing with unfairness by sharing stories with their kids about things that seemed unfair to them and how they dealt with it. For example, someone at work gets more vacation days because they’ve been at the organization longer. That can feel unfair, but they can understand why it works that way.

family culture you may want to start a penny jar that

But generally, Dr. Lee says, “I find with kids they actually

gets them pizza night when it’s full or have some other

end up saying ‘that’s not fair’ not so much because

means of documenting all the good deeds.

they’re so concerned about fairness, but actually because

If you take something away, give it back Even with all this in place, there are going to be times

that’s what gets their parents to attend to them.”

Special needs

when the kids are playing tug of war with a toy and

And what about when one has emotional or

it feels like the only way to intervene is to remove the

developmental challenges that may demand extra

source of conflict. Dr. Lee says that it’s totally fine to do

attention or accommodations? Dr. Lee says to approach

that but to make sure you give the toy back to them

this situation similarly: with forethought, planning and

within a few minutes and give them a chance to practice

lots of positive praise.

using it appropriately — otherwise they aren’t really learning how to work collaboratively. This may mean getting them to agree to taking turns with the help of a timer then praising them when they do a good job.

Forget fair “That’s not fair!” is a common cry of children of all ages,

Talking openly about the issues their brother or sister may have is important for siblings, as well as listening carefully to their concerns and feelings. Behavior that’s difficult or disturbing is less upsetting — and less likely to incur retaliation by the sibling — when it’s understood that it’s not willful.

and it’s easy for parents to get caught up in making sure

Being generous with support and encouragement can

that everything is on even footing between siblings. But

also help keep a sibling from acting out to get attention.

as Dr. Lee points out, life isn’t fair and it’s not realistic

If one kid needs a behavior sticker chart, for example,

that every single thing in the home be equal at all

offer one to the other kid as well. Also setting aside

times. The older kid may get to stay up later, and while

special one-on-one time with each sibling when possible

the younger kid may feel that this is a great injustice,

— even just a monthly breakfast date or five-minute

“it’s up to the culture of your family and what you’re

game of tic-tac-toe — can go a long way towards making

comfortable with,” she says.

everyone feel important.

26 | S T J O H N S PARENT M A G A Z I N E

WIN WITH

Connect with Parent Magazines Florida and Win

Subscribe or confirm your subscription to our newsletter WIN 4 TICKETS TO THE JAGUARS VS THE 49ERS ON NOVEMBER 21ST. Game Time 1 pm at TIAA Bank Field, Jacksonille

Discussing Medical Differences

How parents can teach empathy and respect By Wesley Roberts

ids are curious. So when you’re at the grocery store and you pass a person using a wheelchair, your inquisitive child might (loudly) blurt out, “Why is he in that?”

“As adults and parents, we often have a knee-jerk reaction to hush our child out of embarrassment or out of fear it may be offensive to the other person,” explained Stephanie Kinnare, PhD, psychologist with Baptist Behavioral Health. “Remember, the child is not intending to come from a place of hurt. They’re just curious, and this is developmentally normal for kids, especially when they notice differences they’ve never seen before.” Instead of silencing your child’s interest in learning something new, try these recommendations from Dr. Kinnare: 1.

Acknowledge the child’s observations. You may say, “Yes, he is using a wheelchair.”

Give simple, factual information about the difference, like, “That person has a medical condition, so he needs a wheelchair.”

“Acknowledging differences exist and showing that people with medical conditions are deserving of love and kindness is such an important message for children,” said Dr. Kinnare.

28 | S T J O H N S PARENT M A G A Z I N E

As a next step, you can help your child understand how they can support people with medical differences. For example, if a peer in their class is using a wheelchair, explain that the other child might need help picking something up or opening the door.

Kids rock “Children actually do a great job of modeling this behavior themselves,” said Dr. Kinnare. “They show us how they prefer to educate others on their medical differences. This is a great model for parents.” Dr. Kinnare provided an empowering example: “One day, a girl who lost her hair due to cancer treatment had another child at school make a judgmental comment about her ‘haircut.’ The girl simply responded with a factual explanation about her medical condition. ‘I had cancer and the medicine made me lose my hair. It’s growing back now.’” Acknowledging differences, modeling empathetic behavior and normalizing talking to our kids about medical differences will help in raising the next generation of caring and kind adults. Reprinted from Baptist Health Juice, June 20, 2021

Join Us For the Largest Combined Classic Car Show & Swap Meet in the U.S. Nov 25th - 28th, 2021 at Daytona Speedway

$15 Thurs - Sat ~ $10 Sun Kids 11 & Under FREE 8am-4pm Thurs - Sat ~ 8am-2pm Sun

6,000+ Classic Cars For Show & Sale

Massive Swap Meet * Artisan Alley * Great Food & Drink

FUN FOR ALL AGES!

www.TurkeyRun.com * 386.255.7355 wecare@turkeyrun.com

Convenient Care

Lasting Relationships

Flagler Health+ provides the health, wellness, and innovative care your family deserves, in convenient locations you’ll appreciate. We’re proud to provide our friends, families and neighbors with services like pediatrics, family medicine and more. Caring for newborns through geriatrics, Flagler Health+ is where total wellness meets total convenience. That’s the power of +.

PEDIATRICS

FAMILY MEDICINE

MuraBella

Nocatee

MuraBella

Palencia

(near World Golf Village)

904.819.3233

(near World Golf Village)

904.819.3200

904.819.2200

904.819.1200

Palencia

Julington Creek

Greenbriar

904.819.3200

Coming Early 2022

Learn more at FlaglerHealth.org