Photo by Christoph Oberschneider
Idea Book
A great deal of thought and planning goes into your wedding day. Countless details all come together to make the day a reflection of your dreams and ideas. The wedding ceremony itself is a key component of the day….it might even be said that it is THE big component. After all,without a ceremony, there is no wedding. So, let’s explore some of the options for your wedding ceremony and develop a plan that ensures you have a ceremony that will be everything that you want. There are a number of components to a wedding ceremony. Most are optional and fully customizable, while only a couple are mandated and allow you to be legally wed. Following is a brief break down of the components of a wedding ceremony. During our planning, we will discuss each of the components and explore options for you to personalize them to your tastes and ideas.
Casual announcements by Officiant (quick hello, reminders to turn off cell phones and stand up when the bride starts to walk up the aisle, mention about taking photos) Processional of Wedding Party and Couple (this is how everyone in the wedding party (and possibly parents) enters the venue and “gets to the front”, we can be as traditional or creative and unique as you like) Welcome by Officiant (welcome, thank you for being here, why we are here) Address (this is when the officiant will say a bit about love and marriage and will share your personal story with your guests) The Vows (you will share your vows to each other OR the officiant will speak about the vows and say that you will share them in private) Expression of Intent (most often referred to as the “I do’s”) The Rings (ring exchange and ring vows) Conclusion (a little more “blah, bah, blah” from the officiant about the experience and marriage) Pronouncement/The Kiss (you are pronounced husband & wife, partners for life, or any of an endless list of possibilities….and then you share a kiss) Signing of Registry (optional) (witnesses join you to sign the marriage license; this is a great place to get creative and change when/where the signing occurs) Closing Remarks (the officiant will advise your guests what will come next – ie “the couple is heading out now for some photos and you are welcome to gather at ______ for cocktails and the reception will begin at _____) Presentation of Couple (you are introduced to your guests for the first time as a married couple and a title of your choosing) The Recessional (now you are married…so get out of here and let the marriage begin)
One more question that may be on your mind is “how long will the ceremony last?” We promise that your wedding ceremony will be “UNBORING” and we will keep your guests engaged. A poll of hundreds of couples over the past few years provided unanimous feedback that they wanted their ceremony to be a maximum of 15 minutes duration. We can include all the components of a ceremony in this time frame and not be rushed at all. Now let’s look at each one of these components and think about how YOU would like it to be personalized for your wedding ceremony….
TABLE OF CONTENTS
CASUAL ANNOUNCEMENTS BY OFFICIANT
6
PROCESSION OF WEDDING PARTY & COUPLE
8
WELCOME BY THE OFFICIANT
14
ADDRESS
14
YOUR VOWS
15
EXPRESSION OF INTENT
17
THE RINGS
18
SIGNING OF THE LICENSE
19
CONCLUSION
20
PRONOUNCEMENT AND KISS
21
CLOSING REMARKS
22
PRESENTATION OF THE COUPLE
22
RECESSIONAL .
22
ADD-ONS AND RITUALS
23
Photo by Kevin Zaouali
CASUAL ANNOUNCEMENTS BY OFFICIANT Just prior to the beginning of the ceremony your officiant will walk out to the front of the venue and address your guests. If any are still lingering and visiting, they will be asked to be seated as we are about to begin. We will thank your guests for coming and briefly explain what will be happening during the ceremony. We will remind your guests about some expected decorum such as turning off cell phones so that they don’t ring during the ceremony. The two key points that we will cover is to remind your guests to stand when the bride (or Partner “A”) enters the venue. By doing this now, the officiant will not need to interrupt the procession with an announcement to please stand. The second key point to address at this time is the rule that you would like to employ about taking photos or videos during the ceremony. You may wish to have a discussion with your photographer/videographer about their preferences, but there are essentially 3 options here; 1. You don’t mind if guests take photos during the ceremony. In this case, we would just remind them to be respectful and to remain seated while taking pics. If you prefer to leave the capturing of images to the professionals, we will make an appropriate announcement. Despite what you may have seen or heard in the past there are actually a couple different ways in which this can be accomplished. 2. Announcing an unplugged ceremony. We will advise the guests that you request that they refrain from taking any photos or videos until after the ceremony has concluded. We will acknowledge the professionals on hand to capture the memories and that we wish for them to be able to do so unencumbered. Some guests may appear in the photos and we want everyone to look their best without a phone or camera in front of their face.
CASUAL ANNOUNCEMENTS BY OFFICIANT (continued)
3. After conducting hundreds of wedding ceremonies, we have learned that despite the announcements and signs requesting an unplugged ceremony, there is almost always someone who ignores the request and still takes pictures. A new idea that we have used seems to better control this problem and allows both the photographers AND guests to capture some pictures without interfering or disrupting the ceremony. We call it a “plugged in ceremony” and we introduce it to your guests like this…… “(name) & (name) recognize that some of you would like to be able to take some photos today to help remember the day, and they invite you to do so, with a couple requests. As you can see there are professional photographers on hand today to capture the memories for (name) & (name) and we want to ensure that they are able to get the very best pictures, so we ask that you please restrict your photo taking to the times in the ceremony when we advise that it is OK to do so. Don’t worry, we will give you plenty of notice and will wait while you retrieve your devices to take pictures. Until then, please put your phones and cameras away and enjoy the ceremony along with (name) & (name). After the wedding party has all gathered at the front and the photographers have taken their pictures, we will invite guests to take out their devices and take a photo…..then once again put them away while we continue the ceremony. After you have shared your first kiss and the photographers have captured the moment we will ask you to “take one for the team” and do it all over again while your guests take their pictures. The “plugged in ceremony” controls those who feel that they absolutely must take pictures and provides a great way to ensure the guests remain engaged in the ceremony.
Photo by Kevin Zaouali
PROCESSION OF WEDDING PARTY AND COUPLE
Before we talk about the procession and how your wedding party will enter the venue, let’s talk about the composition of your wedding party. CHANGING UP THE TRADITIONAL WEDDING PARTY Every time we ask a couple about the size and composition of their wedding party, the answers are almost always the same! It is usually some derivative of “4 plus 4”, or “3 on my side and 4 on his”, or “I have 3 and she has 2”. Our initial response is that this is your wedding and there should be no “sides” in this. In reality, you have each asked friends and loved ones to stand up with you and celebrate your union. They are participating in the wedding for BOTH of you. Even the labels “bridesmaid” and “groomsman” seem outdated and less relevant to today’s modern wedding ceremony. Gender lines have been eliminated and so too has the notion that each partner must have an equal number of attendants. So, with the wide variety in wedding party structure and participation that we now see, why do most ceremonies still involve the wedding party standing together in one contiguous lineup at the front of the service? This provides creative couples one more opportunity to mix things up and allow their guests to leave the ceremony saying, “I have never seen that before”, or “that was different”. It will leave a lasting impression to keep the memory of your ceremony alive for a long time.
Photo by Kevin Zaouali
PROCESSION OF WEDDING PARTY AND COUPLE (continued) The ways in which you can have your wedding party arranged are almost limitless, and here are just a few ideas to help get the creative juices flowing; • Have the wedding party stand in pairs • Have the wedding party seated in the front row, leaving all the focus on the couple • All the wedding party stand to one side in a non-symmetrical alignment • Stand the wedding party along the sides with just the bride and groom in the centre • The wedding party stands behind the couple – forming a semi-circle in which the ceremony is held The physical setup of the venue also provides options for the location of the wedding party. Consider placing them on a stairway behind the couple, on risers at different levels, or even arrange seating for them during the ceremony. Minor changes like this help make your ceremony more unique and memorable while still recognizing the tradition of a wedding ceremony. NOW LET’S TALK ABOUT THE PROCESSION The entrance of the wedding party (and the bride) is one of the most memorable parts of a ceremony for most guests. It is the “opening” of the ceremony and sets the tone for what is to come. 10 Unique Ceremony Processional Ideas 1 – Give the groom his own moment: In many ceremonies, the groom and his groomsmen will enter quietly from a side door without anyone noticing. They often don’t get their own music or any attention. So why not shine a spotlight on the groom? After all, he is an equal part of the wedding. Borrowing from Jewish tradition, the groom gets escorted down the aisle with his parents, usually after the bridal party is in place. Brides shouldn’t be the only ones with a special entrance!
PROCESSION OF WEDDING PARTY AND COUPLE (continued) 2 – Mix up the escorts: We’re used to seeing a bride enter her wedding ceremony on her father’s arm. But there’s no reason why she can’t be escorted by someone else. The bride can walk in with both her parents, just her mom, her stepparents, grandparents, favourite aunt, brother, best friend, old boss – you get the point! If the aisle isn’t wide enough to accommodate all of the awesome people the bride wants to walk down with, she can still include her loved ones in the processional by sending them down the aisle ahead of her or stopping to hug them at the end of the aisle or along the way. 3 – Solo party: You know who else can escort the bride down the aisle? Herself! She can definitely walk in loud and proud by herself. After all, she is entering freely and independently into marriage, so why not walk independently too? This is an awesome solution for couples who feel a bit icky at the thought of the bride being “given away” by her father.
4 – Walk in as a couple, walk out as a couple: One of our favourite processional ideas is seeing both partners walk in together. Who better to share the spotlight with than the person you’re about to join in marriage? Both soon-to-be spouses enter the ceremony as equal partners heading into marriage together. As a slight variation, you could also have both partners enter at the same time from opposite sides and meet at the altar. 5 – Here, Fido! If you have a beloved furry friend in your life, incorporating him or her into the wedding processional is an awesome idea. We’ve seen dogs as ring bearers with little pillows on their backs and cats being held by their humans as they say, “I do.” If you do decide to include your fur baby, ensure you have a plan for Fido before and after the ceremony. The last thing you want is a leg lifted over an expensive white dress!
PROCESSION OF WEDDING PARTY AND COUPLE (continued) 6 – Flower POWER & Rings Traditionally the Flower Girl and Ring Bearer honour goes to the cutest little humans, who very often “steal the show”, but if kids are not an important part of your life right now - why not change this up in unique and FUN ways? Many YouTube posts show one of the groom’s attendants dancing up the aisle to some funky tune (think “I’m Too Sexy”) while tossing flower petals all about. If you know someone (or someones) with a great sense of humour and at least a slight sense of rhythm – why not get them to entertain everyone with a spectacular entrance? Another option that is growing in popularity is having Grandma(s) or Mom(s) as flower girls. WHY NOT?!?!?!?! Even if you have a young person selected as a flower girl, having them share the fun with a Grandma or Mom would be super cute and unique. To spice up the entrance of the ring bearer, try to imagine a championship presentation in sports. The symbol of supremacy – be it the Grey Cup, Stanley Cup, Vince Lombardi Trophy, or even a Wrestling belt – is always ushered in with great pomp and ceremony. Why not do the same for your wedding rings? You can have them carried in, raised up high by an official ring bearer….or have a small human escorted by “security” (think Men in Black) with the rings under lock and key. The possibilities are limited only by your imagination.
PROCESSION OF WEDDING PARTY AND COUPLE (continued) 7 – “Stagger” the entrance One of the most dynamic entrances we have “choreographed” is a staggered entrance for the entire wedding party. Picture this….the groom’s parents walk in together but stop and wait in the aisle, just before reaching the front. Next the groom’s attendants enter individually and stop at staggered points on opposite sides of the aisle. When the groom enters, he pauses in his walk up the aisle to received congratulations (shake hands, bro-hug, whatever) from each of the attendants as he progresses up the aisle. When he meets his parents, he joins them to be escorted the rest of the way to the front. As each of the bride’s attendants enter, one of the groom’s attendants’ steps forward from their spot and joins them to walk as a couple up the aisle to the front. Finally, the bride makes her grand entrance when the rest of the wedding party is assembled at the front. 8 – Skip the wedding party: If the idea of having a wedding party and sending people down the aisle isn’t for you, skip it! You do need people to legally witness your wedding, but no one says they have to walk down an aisle or even stand next to you. And if you don’t have young people in your life that you are especially close to, don’t stress to fill the roles of flower girl, ring bearer, junior bridesmaid, etc. As a slight variation, you can include your wedding party in the processional but ask them to sit once they’ve reached the end of the aisle. That way, they get to watch the ceremony and the moment becomes just about the two of you. 9 – Rock your own music: No, Wagner’s “Wedding March” (aka “Here Comes the Bride”) is not a mandatory processional song. You aren’t required to choose a church hymn or a love song for your walk down the aisle. Change it up! Play whatever music makes you happy. Traditionally, the music changes for the bride’s entrance but you could totally have a unique song for each partner when they walk in.
PROCESSION OF WEDDING PARTY AND COUPLE (continued) 10 – Skip the processional all together! If the idea of walking down a long aisle with all eyes on you fills you with dread, skip the processional all together! Just show up at the front – you could discreetly enter from a side door or back door. You could even be there before guests arrive. Or you could mingle with your guests and slowly make your way to the front when you want the ceremony to start. DON’T FORGET YOUR PARENTS We have conducted many wedding rehearsals where a discussion (and sometimes a debate) breaks out when the parents have a different vision of what the procession will be and whether they will be included in it. Let’s avoid that awkwardness and now think about when and how you want your parents to enter the venue.
BRIDE’S ENTRANCE The bride’s entrance is always a special moment in a ceremony. Sometimes it is the first time that the couple will see each other in their wedding finest. If the bride will be escorted up the aisle by a parent(s) or loved one(s), there should be a meaningful “transition” from walking the aisle to joining your partner at the front of the venue. Consider having the bride and her escort(s) pause before reaching the front (usually at the first row of chairs). Your partner will then step forward to join in as you hug and embrace your escort(s). This brief moment symbolizes the welcoming and joining of the families. The couple will then come together (lock arms or hold hands) and join the officiant at the front of the venue.
WELCOME BY THE OFFICIANT On behalf of the couple, we thank everyone for coming to this beautiful location today to celebrate the marriage of (name) & (name). This is also the time (if you wish) when we would say a few words about loved ones who may have passed and cannot be with us on this day. The memorial is most often used to pause and remember significant loved ones who would have been with you on your wedding day except for an unexpected (recent) passing.
ADDRESS The Address of the ceremony is when we get to share your story with your guests. We will speak a bit about love and marriage and will customize this part to your personal preference. The address can be casual and light, humorous, more romantic or traditional…. or a blend of these styles. We will learn about your story as a couple by getting your input on a brief set of questions that we have developed. You will each be asked to submit your responses to questions like; “tell us about your first date”, “how did the proposal happen”, “what do you love about your fiancé”. From your input we will write a script that shares your story with your guests. There will be no unwanted surprises at your ceremony as we will share the script with you in advance and welcome your input. The script will be edited and updated as requested and you can relax in knowing what stories will be shared.
WEDDING VOWS
Wedding vows are really just a promise (or promises) that you make to each other about your future together. They can be a separate and unique part of the ceremony, or they can be included in the Expression of Intent (the “I dos”). Your vows are a very important part of your wedding day, but a departure from tradition permits the exchange of vows outside of the actual ceremony…. but more about that in a minute. Essentially there are 3 ways in which you can exchange your vows; 1. Write and read your own It is important to know that you would read your vows on your wedding day and not have to recite them from memory. We will print the vows you send us on index cards and will hand them to you at the appropriate point in the ceremony – OR you may elect to write them in special keepsake vow books and read from there. 2. Select from a wide variety of sample vows to find those that best suit your thoughts and ideas. These will then be printed for you to read from at the ceremony. 3. A private exchange of wedding vows. (more about this follows)
WEDDING VOWS (continued) PRIVATE EXCHANGE OF VOWS; You don’t have to make a heartfelt speech at the altar if that doesn’t sound like your jam. Instead, you and your partner can enjoy private vows—where you simply read your vows to each other (like you would at the altar) in privacy prior to the ceremony, or write each other letters with your vows in them that you can read separately while getting ready OR share the letters during your first look photos and let the photographer capture the emotions on your face as you read the “love letter”. Either way, penning private vows instead of reading them aloud into a microphone definitely has its perks as you can see below…. ● You won’t have to stand in front of your guests and pour your heart out. If you’re shy and the thought of spilling your guts in front of hundreds of people gives you hives, private vows are probably a good choice for you. Of course, your feelings for your spouse likely span the deepest corners of your soul, but if you don’t want to express those feelings in front of every single person in your lives, you definitely don’t have to. ● You can say whatever you want. When you know you’re reading your vows in front of all of your family members (yes, including Great Aunt Sally), you probably get a sense that you’ll have to, well, censor yourself. (For the record, it’s probably a good idea to leave certain things out.) But if you know your vows are for your partner’s eyes—or ears—only, you can talk about whatever you darn well please. ● It will feel extremely intimate and personal. Imagine the most romantic moment of your life and multiply that by 1,000. When you read or hear words meant just for you, by the love of your life, on one of the most important days you’ll ever have, you’ll probably need some waterproof mascara. ● You’ll get great photos (if you want). Going off of that, if you choose to invite your photographer to capture the moment you read each other’s vows or say them privately, we can pretty much guarantee you’ll get some of your favourite photos from your entire wedding day. Whether you choose to read your vows in the ceremony, or share them in private, we can help with the process of writing your vows. We have lots of ideas that will help you go through the process systematically. We are happy to share these ideas and tips with you.
EXPRESSION OF INTENT
Also referred to as the “I Do’s”, the old school, traditional expression of intent would include statements like; “Do you promise to love honour and obey”, but don’t worry….we will NEVER use that phrase in any ceremony that we conduct. Although it MAY have been suitable 50 years ago, it certainly does not reflect modern relationships. Your expression of intent will also be customized to reflect your personalities. Once again, we can make them light-hearted and humorous, romantic, or more traditional (except for the “obey” part). We will make a couple statements including questions like “will you” and “do you promise” and at the end you will respond with “I do” or “I will”. This is also the part of the ceremony where one of the legal statements required by the Province of Manitoba must be made. It is a brief “repeat after me” statement and we will break it down into smaller phrases that will be easy to repeat.
THE RINGS Like most of the components of the ceremony, this part is optional. If you do choose to exchange rings, we will make a brief statement about the symbolism of wedding rings and then you will say a brief “ring vow” in a repeat after me format. This is usually something simple and brief like “(name), I give you this ring as a symbol of…..” Traditionally the best man would hold the rings and hand them to the officiant at the appropriate time. (The ring bearer – if you have one – would present the rings to the best man after walking up the aisle) This however does provide an excellent opportunity for you to involve some special people in the ceremony if you wish. • You could have each of the Mom’s or Dad’s hold the rings and then present them to the couple when invited by the officiant. • The rings can be brought forward by your fur baby. • Close friends or family members can hold the rings and present them at the appropriate time. • You can have a “security detail” come forward with a locked box containing your rings • A particularly techie groom had the rings delivered by a remote control vehicle. The possibilities are limited only by your imagination.
SIGNING THE LICENSE
This part of the ceremony has been the topic of much discussion and change over the years. The practice of signing the license during the ceremony has been a tradition in ONLY Commonwealth countries and is not practiced elsewhere. Our friends in the United States shake their head when we mention this tradition as they have never seen it in a wedding (unless they attended a wedding in Canada). Just like the exchange of vows, there are really 3 options for signing the marriage license; 1. Sign the license during the ceremony, after the exchange of rings (traditional) 2. Sign the license after the first kiss and just before the closing remarks 3. Sign the license immediately prior to or after the ceremony Option 1: Signing the licence during the ceremony requires some forethought and planning. After the exchange of rings, we will ask the witnesses to join us for the license signing. The signing table is usually located at one side of the area where the wedding party is standing. The attendants on that side will need to relocate temporarily to afford the guests a view of the table and the signing. When following the tradition of moving from the ring exchange to signing the registry, the guests are likely to be hushed and silent. What else are they to do? They will likely laugh and possibly cry during the telling of your story, but the signing is still a “notalking” time. That is UNLESS you have the license signing AFTER the first kiss. Option 2: Sharing your first kiss is the signal to your guests that it is time to abandon the hushed, silent mode they have been in while attentively listening to the ceremony and now move to a celebratory, “party” mode. If the license signing occurs after the first kiss, you can select a more upbeat song, the guests can chat amongst themselves, and there is no need to keep things hushed and quiet.
SIGNING THE LICENSE (continued) Option 3: Some benefits of signing the license before or after the ceremony include; • One less song that you have to plan which would be played during the signing • No break in the flow of the ceremony…. just move from the “I do’s” to the kiss and walking down the aisle • No awkward choreography to move part of your wedding party aside while the couple and witnesses move to the signing table • No need to worry – 1 chair or 2 – who sits and who stands The options for alternative times to sign the license are endless and here are just a couple ideas; *(note….the couple and their witnesses as well a s the officiant MUST all sign the license) • If you are not having your “first look” at the ceremony, gather together just before the ceremony to sign the license in private – just make sure the photographer is there • Sign the license in private immediately after your exit from the ceremony. This gives you a brief while to savour the moment and perhaps have a glass of bubbly to celebrate. It also allows your photographer to stage the photos and get the best possible pictures of you signing the marriage license Another little-known fact is that your witnesses do not need to be 18 years of age or older. They just have to be old enough to understand the significance of what they are doing. Witnesses can also be family members (including children). If you wish to break from tradition (or merely adjust it a bit), consider changing the time and place you sign the marriage license. We are more than happy to exchange ideas to add creativity to this step in the wedding. CONCLUSION The conclusion allows us to wrap things up. We will talk a bit more about marriage and life together as a married couple. This is a very upbeat and positive section with touches of humour and romance.
PRONOUNCEMENT & KISS If you’ve ever been to a wedding or seen one in the movies, you’ve heard a pronouncement. The typical pronouncement goes like this, “I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride!” It’s when the officiant announces the marriage and sets the stage for the big smooch. Did you know there’s more than one way to pronounce a couple (MANY more in fact)? If you’re looking for something less traditional or more formal, there are options. If you want something more feminist or more inclusive, there are options. If you’re looking for something unique that speaks to you as a couple, then you’re in the right place. Here are some other titles you can use instead of husband and wife: • Wife and Husband • Husband and Husband • Wife and Wife • Legally Wed • Married • Spouses for Life • Partners for Life • (insert your own ideas here) Most pronouncements end with the line, “You may now kiss the bride!” If that gives you the icks, you don’t have to include it. You can remove the line altogether or change it to: • You may now share a kiss • You may seal your promise/union/marriage with a kiss • And now for your first kiss as a married couple • You may kiss • You may now kiss each other • I invite you to seal your promise with a kiss • Let’s begin the adventure of marriage with a kiss • Now might be a good time to kiss • Now kiss and go celebrate
CLOSING REMARKS The closing remarks afford you an opportunity to let your guests know what to expect/do next. We may say something like “the couple and wedding party are going to have some photos taken now and we invite you all to gather and enjoy some refreshments in the _______. (name) & (name) will return in an hour and the reception will begin at ______” Anything that you (or your wedding planner) want your guests to know can be shared now.
PRESENTATION OF THE COUPLE It is now time to be presented to your assembled guests and family as a married couple. You may choose a descriptive that best suits you. Popular choices include "husband & wife" Mr. & Mrs.___", “newlywed Partners”, “first time as husband & wife”...the choices are endless. RECESSIONAL WE MADE IT! After all the talking, vows, promises, etc have been finished, it's time for you to get out and get the party started! The Recessional (how you walk out) can be a time for a joyous, happy and FUN celebration. You can join hands, walk arm in arm, go piggyback, skip, dance.....WHATEVER you want. Sometimes the best recessionals are spontaneous and pay homage to the way you are feeling in that once in a lifetime moment. If you have a wedding party in your ceremony, we will want to have some ideas of ways for them to leave as well.
ADD-ONS & RITUALS
You can further customize your ceremony with some add-ons or popular rituals. You may wish to invite someone who is particularly special to you to come forward with a specially chosen reading. We can advise you on how to select a reading that fits with your ceremony and further reflects your story. If you wish to add “a little religion” to your ceremony, having a loved one read a passage or psalm is an excellent way to do so. Other rituals that you may wish to add include; • Handfasting ceremony • Unity sand ceremony (for the couple or blending of families) • Unity candle ceremony • Unity wine ceremony • Countless more options We will be happy to work with you to incorporate these ideas and rituals into your wedding if you wish.
