Hula Betty

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling mountains and crushing ice. I have been known to take walk about for six months. I translate ethnic slurs for small militant groups. I write haiku. I have done the Ididarod, raced the Baja and swam with whales. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran on the web and an outlaw in Peru. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, a ruthless bookie. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. Children trust me. I’ve have listened to every Jimmy Buffet song in one sitting. The laws of physics do not apply to me. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full contact origami. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff diving competitions in Sri Lanka and checkers tournaments at the Kremlin. I have performed open heart surgery, cloned sheep, rewritten history and I have spoken to Elvis. But I would like to know about you!