FEATURING
MAY 2014
SHIFT
YOUR FOCUS
ISSUE #1
LEA MICHELE
AND HOW SHE O GT THROUGH THE HARDEST YEAR OF HER LIFE
TAKE A BREAK
BEST U.S . CITIES FOR AFFORDABLE GETAWA YS
CAR BUYING TIPS OUTSMART THE CAR SALESMAN
ASK E. JEAN
E. JEAN ANSWERS YOUR PRESSING RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONS
POSITIVE LIFE CHANGES
THAT’LL BRING YOU MAJOR BLISS
IN THIS ISSUE
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SELFIES YOU HAVE TO TAKE THIS YEAR By Benjamin Solomon
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Smile! You won’t want to miss out on the year’s most exciting photo ops—and neither will your Facebook friends and Instagram followers. It’s no longer enough to just travel the world. In the digital age we must document our journey so all of Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter can travel with us too. Because, really: if you don’t take a selfie—a handheld selfportrait usually made with an i-device—how will anyone know that you were ever really there? “The selfie is a new type of travel photo,” explains Dr. Lev Manovich, a professor at CUNY’s Graduate Center and the project coordinator of Selfiecity, an academic investigation into the where and why of the phenomenon. Portraits may have always been integral to travel photography, but the emergence of the two-camera mobile phone means people no longer need a friend or trustworthy stranger to take one. “Since the face occupies a larger part of the images, these self-portraits may function differently from earlier travel photos,” Manovich continues. “They do not document the travel scene—rather they announce, ‘I was here.’” And this year, with World Cup mania taking over Brazil, Universal Orlando opening a new section of its Harry Potter mini-park, and Coachella celebrating 15 years of wrecking the minds and bodies (and fashion sense) of music fans, there’s plenty to announce. If Kobe Bryant can have a selfie-off in a Turkish 4
{2} Lo 10th Anniversary, H Sept. 20–22 #Lost2014 @20 tagram) We have to go back! Fan infuriating) ABC drama will reunite where the show was filmed. They’ll enjo an epic group selfie, and heated debates ab lost2014.com {3} FIFA World Cup, Brazil When FIFAWorldCup (Twitter) Forget the Super Bowl an anyway. Instead, focus your attention on this summ score a selfie inside one of the stadium games, you ca hashtag up on Twitter. fifa.com {4} Seven Dwarfs Mine time onward #NewFantasyland #WaltDisneyWorld @Wa attraction at Disney World’s Magic Kingdom, bound to be one of its most popular. Don’t family selfie without losing your phone those roller-coaster photo machines front—it’s Disney street cred even if neyworld.disney.go.com {5} John April 21 onward #JohnMuirWay @ orate the life of celebrated Scotand U.S. National Parks founder Scotland’s just-completed version in artist-led festivities during the April 17–26, which marks the your best William Wallace face trek across Central Scotland. Alley at the Wizarding World of Florida When: Summer onward (Instagram) The first time the opened, rabid fans waited more park. A selfie in the new Diagon the elder wand. universalorlando. When: May 4–Nov. 10 #ArtRave @ When Lady Gaga launches her blowyou can expect the music-fashion-art photos. Selfies in the audience! Selfies Monster! (If you’re lucky.) Few pop artists narcissism of the genre as much as she does. And given G don’t be surprised if your concert selfie somehow mak Green, New York City When: April onward #TavernO The iconic Central Park restaurant has undergone its doors after half a decade. It’s destined to be a mainstay—so a selfie in its Victorian Gothic d After all, you are in the No. 2 Selfiest City i {9} Verrückt at Schlitterbahn, Kansas C #ruINSANE @SchlitterbahnWaterpa enough to take a photo on the w taller than Niagara Falls a and goes faster th
the four-person raft is more roller coaster than slide. And water-park king Schlitterbahn, with its playful, prodding hashtag #ruINSANE, is daring you to risk it. Just watch the video. And be careful not to get your phone wet on the 264 knee-shaking steps to the top of the 170-foot monster. theverruckt.com {10} High Roller, Las Vegas When: All year #HighRoller @TheLinq (Twitter and Instagram) Las Vegas’s coolest new attraction isn’t a casino—it’s a Ferris wheel. The High Roller will take you 550 feet above.
ost Honolulu When: 014Lost (Twitter and Insnatics of the mysterious (and e on the pristine beaches of Hawaii oy set tours, possible cast appearances, bout what the show was actually about. n: June 12–July 13 #WorldCup #Brazil2014 @ nd the Winter Olympics—both were letdowns mer’s FIFA World Cup in Brazil. Even if you can’t an still throw face paint, a smile, and a #USA e Train at Disney World, Orlando, FL When: SpringaltDisneyWorld (Twitter and Instagram) The newest a thrill ride with a Snow White theme, is also worry about how you’re going to take that on the ride; there’s bound to be one of to do it for you. Instead, pose out you’re too chicken to try it out. disMuir Way Opening, Scotland When: JohnMuirWay (Twitter) Commemtish-American conservationist John Muir with a journey down of the Appalachian Trail—or join first annual John Muir Festival, trail’s official opening. Make while documenting your 134-mile johnmuirway.org {6} Diagon Harry Potter, Universal Orlando, #WWoHP @UniversalOrlando Wizarding World of Harry Potter than six hours just to get into the Alley attraction will be as rare as com {7} ArtRAVE: The ARTPOP Ball LadyGaga (Twitter and Instagram) out new tour in Fort Lauderdale, FL, extravaganza to be over-the-top—with onstage! Selfies backstage with Mother manage to embody (or inspire) the creative Gaga’s love of technology and her social media savvy, kes it into the show. ladygaga.com {8} Tavern on the OnTheGreen @TavernOnTheGreen (Instagram) a massive renovation and will finally reopen a tourist must-see—and special-occasion digs shows you’re no Big Apple neophyte. in the world. tavernonthegreen.com City, KS When: May 23 onward arks (Instagram) Are you crazy world’s tallest waterslide? It’s and the Statue of Liberty han a cheetah—
Airlines commercial and Ellen can break Twitter records at the Oscars, then you can surely make your friends and family jealous for months. And if you do it in the Philippines, home to the Selfiest City in the World, you’ll be in good company; Manhattan and Miami trail just behind. So grab your favorite mobile camera—be it a Canon, iPhone, or GoPro—and get snapping. This year, you don’t want to spare a minute of #FOMO. We’ve even included a few hashtags for you to use along the way. 1) 150th Anniversary of Yosemite National Park, California When: All year #Yosemite @YosemiteNPS (Twitter and Instagram) On June 30, 1864, President Abraham Lincoln signed the Yosemite Grant Act, officially guaranteeing the unique granite wilderness of Yosemite Valley and Mariposa Grove protection by the federal government—and creating the first state park in the world. Join in the park’s celebrations with your very own Ansel Adams–style Instagram in front of Sentinel Dome, Tioga Pass, or El Capitan. nps.gov 5
BEST U.S. CITIES 6
for Affordable Getaways by Katrina Brown Hunt
Affordable hotel rates, free museums, and plentiful barbecue and beer make these cities a bargain for travelers. 7
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When David Bakke visits Savannah, he loves dining at the upscale Olde Pink House. But Bakke, a writer for personal finance site MoneyCrashers, has figured out how to avoid the high price tag—he sits in the restaurant’s basement section, the Planters Tavern. “By taking the trip downstairs,” he says, “you get extraordinary ambiance and affordable food.” It’s a good example of why the quaint, accessible Georgian city made the top 10 for affordable getaways, according to Travel + Leisure readers. In this year’s America’s Favorite Cities survey, readers ranked 35 metropolitan areas in qualities such as fine dining and cultural offerings, which become especially enticing when offered in a lower price range. Even as the economy shows some signs of improvement, plenty of travelers still want to maximize value. According to the Traveler Sentiment Index, from marketing firm MMGY Global, 57 percent of Americans are planning a vacation sometime within the next six months—but high gas prices worry 51 percent of them. Hotel rates have also ticked up about 7 percent since summer 2012, according to Kayak.com. Daunting gas prices may be another reason that pedestrian-friendly cities such as Savannah and Portland, OR, won over T+L readers for their affordability. Another influential factor: free-admission museums and historical attractions, such as the Martin Luther King, Jr. National Historic Park in Atlanta, or Baltimore’s Museum of Art, which has the largest Matisse collection in the world. But freebies aren’t enough: Washington, D.C., won the survey’s free attractions category, yet ranked as one of the least affordable cities overall, perhaps due to high hotel and restaurant prices. For cheap eats, look to Kansas City (rated No. 1 most affordable getaway), as well as Nashville and Providence, which delivered some of voters’ favorite barbecue, burgers, and pizza. Low-impact bar prices don’t hurt, either. “Maybe it’s our Yankee frugality, but well drinks start at $3.50 in some places,” says Portland, ME, local Kelsey Goldsmith. “My friends who come in from out of town laugh when they get their bar tabs.” They’re laughing all the way to the bank, that is. Bakke says his Savannah foodie trick is just another valuable lesson from the recession: “I’ve learned how to fly for cheaper, and I’ve found ways to enjoy entertainment activities while on vacation at a cheaper price.” Read on for the most affordable U.S. city getaways.
No. 1 Kansas City, MO
It’s one of the few cities where hotel prices have stayed the same or even dropped in the past year (the average summer rate is $137, according to Kayak). Sightseeing also remains a great value: you’ll get in free at three of Kansas City’s main art museums, as well as two fun factory-style tours (the Hallmark Visitors Center and the Boulevard Brewing Company). The savings continue at dinnertime. KC won the survey for its budget-minded, slow-smoked barbecue: a classic “burnt ends” sandwich at Danny Edwards’ Boulevard BBQ is just $5.99. Anne Shields
No. 2 Nashville Voters increasingly love affable Nashville for its locavorefriendly food scene, ranking the city highly for burgers, cafés, and microbrews. At East Nashville’s Pharmacy Burger Parlor & Beer Garden—where toppings include wasabi aioli, stroganoff béchamel, and “beer gravy”—the local-beef burgers start at $7. Meanwhile, you can see early shows for free at the legendary Bluebird Café (where a kid named Garth Brooks once played open mikes). To boost your odds of getting in, reserve your seat online.
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No. 3 San Antonio,TX
Carol Barrington/SACVB
The Texas city inched two spots closer to No. 1 this year and ranked near the top for its free attractions—such as all five of the city’s historic missions, including the Alamo. The city has become more eco-friendly. Along the Mission Reach section of the Riverwalk, a 15-mile stretch of urban ecosystem restoration, you can rent bicycles (through B-Cycles) for $10 a day. Voters preferred San Antonio during cooler months, particularly around Christmas, when the city is full of luminarias and one of the holiday’s best cheap eats, tamales.
No. 4 Minneapolis/St. Paul
With 20 lakes and more than 200 miles of biking and walking trails, this down-toearth metro area climbed nine spots for affordability this year. No surprise, the Twin Cities scored at the top of the survey for those easy-access parks, where trails even get plowed during the long winters. Voters also commended the cities for their brainy, offbeat locals— which seems to translate into a wealth of affordable, hipsterfriendly fun: check out Bryant Lake Bowl’s weekly Cheap Date Night (dinner for two, a bottle of wine, and bowling for
No. 5 Memphis, TN
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Memphis ranked in the top five for the free, omnipresent tunes of street performers. You can also sit down and hear free music at the city’s WPA-built Levitt Shell, which has its own historical relevance: Elvis was the opening act here one night in 1954, which many consider the Big Bang of the rock ’n’ roll era. Finger-friendly gourmet food is also easy to come by: at Hog & Hominy— named by GQ as one of this year’s best U.S. restaurants— you can try the duck sausage with brussels sprouts slaw, or a mortadella corn dog, for under $10 each.
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No. 6 Salt Lake City
While the Utah city dropped four spots in the survey’s affordability category this year, readers still found it to be family-friendly, peaceful, and pleasantly spic-and-span. Like a lot of reasonably priced cities, Salt Lake offers a discount pass on its tourist board website: Connect Pass easily pays for itself by bundling a long list of free meals and attractions, such as tours of Olympic Park or admission to the Natural History Museum of Utah and the Hogle Zoo.
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No. 7 Houston
Business travelers will like how this city affects their per diem: according to Zagat, restaurant meals are about $3 cheaper than the national average. You can bring that average down even more if you stick with the city’s old-school Tex-Mex—like Ninfa’s on Navigation, which claims to be home of the nation’s first fajitas (Mama’s Tacos al Carbon, $9.99). Hotel values, meanwhile, include Midtown’s new La Maison, which starts at $159 a night. The city also scored in the top 10 for its classical music, which can be heard for free at Miller Outdoor Theatre in Hermann Park.
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No. 8 Savannah, GA
This southern town may have strolled into the affordable top 10 using its pedestrian-friendly charm. Voters appreciate the portable happy hours (thanks to open-container laws) and the rich history, which you can access with walkingtour apps such as Historic Savannah and Haunted Savannah ($2.99 each). You could also call it a history tour when you check out the city’s topranked frozen desserts at Leopold’s Ice Cream parlor (est. 1919). The downtown institution sells old-fashioned sodas and rum bisque, lemon custard, and tutti-frutti ice cream.
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No. 9 Austin, TX
Many of the Texas capital’s diversions are geared toward local college students and young techie types. Among the best food trucks, for instance, is Gourdough’s on South Lamar, which may finally legitimize the donut as a complete meal: its Boss Hog donut ($5.50) is topped with pulled pork, potato salad, and honey BBQ sauce. Meanwhile, one of the most classic, all-ages Austin experiences costs just $3: taking a dip in Barton Springs in Zilker Park; it’s great for some free and colorful people-watching.
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No. 10 Providence, RI
The diverse Rhode Island capital is the only northeastern city to make the budget-friendly top 10 this year, perhaps thanks to its crowd-pleasing dining, arts, and theater scenes. No-cover-charge events are especially common in summer: on the third Thursday of the month, for instance, you can take part in the free Gallery Nights, which feature free rides on an Art Bus. In summertime, it’s also free to stroll through the WaterFire displays, evening bonfires that line the city’s rivers.
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AMERICA’S BEST PLACES
By: Shift Staff
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TO EAT LIKE A LOCAL
Memorable meals at one-of-a-kind restaurants are the hallmark of any trip. Follow this list of local favorites and you can’t go wrong.
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New York City may offer the quintessential pizza slice—a blistered and puffy, New York City may offer the quintessential pizza slice—a blistered and puffy, fold-it-in-half, red-sauced number (oregano, garlic powder, and pepper flakes fold-it-in-half, red-sauced number (oregano, garlic powder, and pepper flakes optional)—but locals know that in this global town when you want your flatbread optional)—but locals know that in this global town when you want your flatbread fix you can just as easily reach for a Spanish coca or an Indian uttapam. fix you can just as easily reach for a Spanish coca or an Indian uttapam. Down in New Orleans denizens know that cravings for tried-and-true Down in New Orleans denizens know that cravings for tried-and-true Creole classics (turtle soup, absinthe-poached oysters) are best dished up by Creole classics (turtle soup, absinthe-poached oysters) are best dished up by Commander’s Palace, touristy reputation be damned. And in Seattle, it’s a Commander’s Palace, touristy reputation be damned. And in Seattle, it’s a chanterelle, apple, and egg dish at Sitka & Spruce that will keep the glooms at chanterelle, apple, and egg dish at Sitka & Spruce that will keep the glooms at bay. bay. To find America’s best regional fare, you’ve just got to know where to look—and To find America’s best regional fare, you’ve just got to know where to look—and whom to ask. whom to ask. We charged our network of staffers and contributors to eat their way across the We charged our network of staffers and contributors to eat their way across 50 states for Shift’s annual Best Places to Eat Like a Local. Their results: a crib the 50 states for Shift’s annual Best Places to Eat Like a Local. Their results: a sheet to authentic deliciousness. From pho shops and noodle joints in Las Vegas’s crib sheet to authentic deliciousness. From pho shops and noodle joints in Las Asian micro-hood to San Francisco’s most essential sandwich, from sticky buns Vegas’s Asian micro-hood to San Francisco’s most essential sandwich, from in Boston to 45-plus flavors of handmade ice cream down in Dania Beach, FL, sticky buns in Boston to 45-plus flavors of handmade ice cream down in Dania America’s best local restaurants are instant classics. Hope you’re hungry. —Justin Beach, FL, America’s best local restaurants are instant classics. Hope you’re Ocean hungry. —Justin Ocean
Tatsu Ramen, Los Angeles
A stylish strip-mall noodle bar in Little Osaka that serves a rich and savory tonkotsu ramen as well as a vegan-friendly version (this is L.A., after all). 2123 Sawtelle Blvd. $$
Jaxson’s Ice Cream Parlor, Dania Beach, FL
Alongside an endless array of vintage kitsch (turn-of-the-20th-century license plates; displays of retro candy) are 45-plus flavors of south Florida’s favorite ice cream, handmade daily for 58 years. 128 S. Federal Hwy. $$
Restaurant Pricing Key {$ Less than $25} $$ $25 to $75 {$$$ $75 to $150} $$$$ More than $150
Carmel’s Breakfast House, Phoenix
This neighborhood coffee joint, dreamed up by a local weatherman in search of a good cuppa, has morphed into a full-blown daytime hangout, with panini, tartines, and brownbutter scones made daily. 4233 E. Camelback Rd. $
Little Skillet, San Francisco
Cayenne-and-paprika-spiced fried chicken served with maple syrup and waffles dusted in powdered sugar. 360 Ritch St.; 415/777-2777. $$
Fountain Coffee Room, Beverly Hills
The luncheonette at the Beverly Hills Hotel has served local starlets and studio heads since 1949. While the banana-leaf wallpaper remains, there are nods to today’s tastes: coldpressed juices and a decadent caramel pumpkin pie named for Mary J. Blige. 9641 Sunset Blvd. $$$
Kang Hodong Baekjeong, Los Angeles
Kang Hodong Baekjeong (3465 W. Sixth St.; $$) has the best Korean BBQ in town right now, if you’re willing to wait in line.” —Zach Brooks (@ Midtownlunchla), Founder of the Midtown Lunch Blog
Ad Hoc, Yountville, CA
Winemakers, farmers, and off-duty cooks make the scene at Thomas Keller’s convivial Napa Valley canteen, where the nightly-changing three-course dinner costs just $52. $$$ 16
Little Skillet, San Francisco
La Sandwicherie, Miami Beach
Swing by this teeny SoBe sandwich shop late enough, and you’ll see chefs such as José Mendin (of the ragingly popular PubBelly) scarfing down post-shift saucisson-and-Camembert baguettes. $
Octopus Bar, Atlanta
In an unmarked room behind an East Atlanta pho house, kitchen workers and industry minions meet after work to lick their wounds and shoot Fernet. To eat, there’s high-minded Asian cooking, like monkfishliver torchon and freshwater-eel congee. 560 Gresham Ave. S.E. $$
He’eia Pier General Store & Deli, Kaneohe, HI Fishermen, paddle-boarders, the odd biker gang—everyone on Oahu’s windward coast stops into this ramshackle diner/bait-and-tackle shop perched on an old pier over Kaneohe Bay. You’ll find hearty platelunch staples such as musubi rice balls, mac salad, and pork luau stew; the owner’s mother runs a shave-ice stand next door. 46-499 Kamehameha Hwy.; 808/235-2192. $$
Cocoro, Chicago
Hearty rib-eye sukiyaki and shoyu ramen from Cocoro are go-to orders for the staff at the Peninsula, seven blocks away. 668 N. Wells St. $$
Commander’s Palace, New Orleans
Believe the hype: the restaurant where French-Creole and Cajun first blended with nouvelle cuisine four decades ago still sets standards for inventiveness (absinthe-poached oysters), high-gloss classics (turtle soup), and white-glove service. $$$
Flour Bakery, Boston Call ahead to reserve your sticky bun—these caramelsmothered, pecan-studded brioche rolls are among the best you’ll ever have. No wonder they sell out in mere hours.
Pho 87, Las Vegas
Purists flock to this unassuming storefront for super-fresh goi cuon (summer rolls) and fragrant oxtail pho. 3620 S. Jones Blvd.; 702/233-8787. $
Rôtisserie Georgette, New York City
Flour Bakery, Boston
The seductive aroma of spit-roasted chicken has three food capitals in a spin. On Manhattan’s Upper East Side, at the new Rôtisserie Georgette, the juicy poulet rôti is matched with sublimely crunchy potatoes and flame-kissed leeks. 17
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e l e h c i M ea
LHappy
& Strong
by Jonathan Groff Broadway, Glee, and everything in between-Lea Michele has done it all with best friend Jonathan Groff by her side. The stars have a candid conversation about everything from love to what’s up next.
No one knows you better than your best friend. Lea Michele and I have shared some pretty unique experiences since we met eight years ago. We’ve simulated sex more than 1,000 times onstage in Spring Awakening. We’ve performed everything from show tunes to “Like a Virgin” on Glee. I’ve watched her sing for the President and accept Billboard’s first-ever Triple Threat Award, and I’ve seen her laugh so hard that she peed her pants.
Since Glee, she has inspired people across the world with her unapologetic ambition, insane talent, and astonishing grace. Me, especially. I sat down with Lea in Venice, California, at one of her favorite restaurants, Gjelina, to talk about her life and her debut album, and to ask the questions only a best friend is allowed to ask. JONATHAN GROFF: Sitting here in Venice, it’s a far cry from when we met in that dark building in Chelsea, auditioning for Spring Awakening. LEA MICHELE: It’s so crazy. If you told me then that now we’d be here doing an interview for my album and you have your show Looking, I would be like... LM & JG: [Simultaneously] You are crazy! LM: You were literally raised on a farm in Pennsylvania, and I grew up working in the city. The fact that we became best friends is so strange. JG: What do you expect, when we had to be so intimate with each other in Spring Awakening during such formative years? LM: If I had to kiss you right now, I most certainly could not. JG: Really? LM: I don’t think I could. I really think I would laugh too hard. Whereas we used to make the hell out. JG: Especially onstage. There was that one time— well, maybe I shouldn’t talk about it while we’re eating.... LM: You were sick! JG: Yes. During the hayloft scene, where we always open-mouth kissed. I had the stomach flu and I was going to vomit in your mouth. You opened your mouth and I was like, “Nuh-uh.” LM: At intermission you were vomiting so hard! I was laughing hysterically. JG: It wasn’t funny! I was in so much pain. Ugh.
Photographed by Giampaolo Sgura
LM: It’s so true. At the end of the day I would most certainly give up Spring Awakening, which was the greatest experience of my life, to have met you. In this lifetime, if there is anything you need, it’s a best friend. It’s so crazy to talk about Spring Awakening because I feel like we’ve lived 10 lives since then. I was the one always saying to you, “I’ll never get that part. No one will ever hire me.” The biggest limits are the ones you make for yourself. You believed in me a lot. JG: And now your debut album is about to be released. It’s kind of incredible, huh? LM: During Glee, I felt like I was scratching that itch of being an artist. I was at a great place in my life and I was so unbelievably happy—my relationship with Cory made me feel like I could reach for the stars and more. So I was like, “I’m going to challenge myself and do this record now.” It’s obviously pop, but I think it shows me off as a singer.
watching you go through what you went through, I saw you exhibit so much strength comes from? I can’t comprehend it. LM: I somehow feel the insane love Cory and I had for each other morphed into this strength that I have right now. I only have happy memories of Cory. He was not his addiction - - unfortunately, it won. But that wasn’t who he was. Cory made me feel like a queen every day. From the minute he said, ‘I’m your boyfriend,’ I loved every day, and I thank him for being the best boyfriend and making me feel so beautiful. There’s just something about knowing he’s watching everything I’m doing and feeling like I have to do everything now not just for me but for him. I also have a safety net below me—if I fall or if it’s too much, my friends and family will be there to catch me. I try my best to march forth and live my life as best as I can for me. I also feel an incredible, happy responsibility to keep the memory and light of [Cory, who] was the most amazing person. I’m so happy to make it my journey now to continue on and live my life as best as I can.
“I somehow feel the insane love Cory and I had for each other morphed into this strength that I have right now”
JG: I feel like I’ve never heard you sound this way before. LM: It’s me. It’s Lea. It’s not Rachel Berry. It’s not Lea on Broadway.... JG: Why is it called Louder? LM: Louder is like me. I’m loud, I come from an Italian family, I don’t stop talking. JG: Oh, I know! What’s your favorite song on the album? LM: My favorite song is, 100 percent, “You’re Mine.” I listened to it the other day—it was the one song I had the most emotional reaction to, just because that’s my relationship with Cory. JG: What was Cory’s favorite song? LM: He was such a fan, you don’t understand. He would be like, “You’re going to be a pop star! What are we going to do? Are we going to, like, go on the road?” He would say, “This is going to be big!” And I’d be like, “I don’t know.” He heard every song and gave me his notes on everything. He loved “Battlefield.” I’m getting chills thinking about it. I would say “Burn with You” was his favorite. He came into the studio that day. JG: I feel like the world has been compassionately watching to see how you would react to what happened. And across the board, you’ve presented
JG: The pop world is dominated these days by Katy, Miley, Taylor and Gaga. What’s unique about yourself as a pop singer? LM: I love all of those women. They were all inspirations for this record and I just love and respect women who make great music and focus on the vocals. For me as a performer, I really rely on my emotion coming from an acting background. I really use the performance aspect of it in conveying the emotion in my sound. Everything that I sing on this album is incredibly personal to me. It’s all things I’ve experienced. Sharing a part of yourself in your music is really important and that’s just what I’m trying to do.
Photographed by Giampaolo Sgura
JG: Did you have any studio rituals when you were making “Louder”? LM: When I started out, my only prior experience to being in a recording studio was for “Glee.” The “Glee” process is so fast-paced. You go in, you have to record three songs in two hours. It’s like jumping out of a plane, making “Glee.” Before you hit the ground, you have to learn all your numbers and sing all your songs and film and entire episode. At the beginning [of recording “Louder”], I would get into the studio and I would say “we gotta do this, come on, lets record three songs today!” By the end, I was coming in, taking a nap, ordering food. JG: You co-wrote and recorded “If You Say So” after Cory’s passing. Did you find that therapeutic or pretty difficult? LM: It has both sides of the spectrum. Listening to it, it’s therapeutic and difficult. It will always represent the most devastating thing that’s every happened to me in my whole life. But at the same time, music is therapy. It’s been therapy for me in the entire grieving process and in my entire life. I’m grateful that Sia collaborated on that song with me and it’s a moment in my life ... music has just been so important and so helpful to me this whole year. It was important to me that the album began with “Cannonball” and ended with “If You Say So.” I have to acknowledge what I’ve been through this year. It was really difficult, which I think is represented in “If You Say So” and a song like “Cannonball” represents finding strength and hope. These are the two sides of my life right now. The grief, but also the search for strength and hope. I really wanted those two songs to bookend the album. Really let everyone know where I’m at. JG: A lot of the “Louder” tracks are very club-friendly. What do you look for in a dance song? LM: Right now, I can’t stop listening to the “Cannonball” remix [by Dave Audé]. I’m obsessed with it. For me, I really want songs that I can work out to. I love songs that I can roll down my window and dance to. It’s also important for me that I’m not just dancing and saying “what the hell am I saying?” It’s important to dance and have fun with a song but also say something important. Which is why I love the song “Louder.” It’s such a fun song, but it’s a nice message. JG: Did you ever consider getting any rap verses on these tracks? LM: I don’t know . . . coming out of the gate, we were really finding who I am as an artists. Finding what felt right. I think it will be interesting in recording my second album to sorta see what form that album takes. When I look at a song like “Dark Horse” by Katy Perry, where she has Juicy J rap in that – I think that’s such a great song. I could see myself doing something like that. But I don’t know! I don’t think I’m going to be rapping any time soon, but if anyone wants to come and drop a beat, I’m down for that. JG: Have you started thinking about a follow-up to “Louder”? LM: Absolutely. I know we’re releasing “Louder” right now but I finished this in June, with “Cannonball” and “If You Say So” added over the summer. I haven’t really worked on it for awhile, so I’m definitely thinking about a second album. I’m already thinking about what I want it to sound like, what I want it to look like. This record is such a strong representation of what the last two years of my life were like and I don’t know what’s next for me in my life. But I can’t wait. Making music is so incredible; you tell the story of your life through music. I plan on it being very happy, very bright. Maybe not as dark. JG: What’s your post-”Glee” life looking life? LM: I feel a little weird talking about that. It’s still so far away and we have to finish this season ... to get through a day at “Glee,” it’s so intense and fun and hard. I still have 30 episodes of the series to shoot. But, I really want to tour this album. I have a small window between season five and season six. Definitely when “Glee” is over, I’d love to have the opportunity with the new freedom I have to tour the record. JG: Have you ever spoken to Ryan Murphy about appearing on “American Horror Story”? LM: I’ve basically talked to him about it every day. If I could get my fans to start working on that for me, that would be great. I’ve been literally begging him. But it would probably have to be for their season
JG: What’s your post-”Glee” life looking life? LM: I feel a little weird talking about that. It’s still so far away and we have to finish this season ... to get through a day at “Glee,” it’s so intense and fun and hard. I still have 30 episodes of the series to shoot. But, I really want to tour this album. I have a small window between season five and season six. Definitely when “Glee” is over, I’d love to have the opportunity with the new freedom I have to tour the record. JG: Have you ever spoken to Ryan Murphy about appearing on “American Horror Story”? LM: I’ve basically talked to him about it every day. If I could get my fans to start working on that for me, that would be great. I’ve been literally begging him. But it would probably have to be for their season five or something like that. I think it would be a great opportunity for people in the acting world to see. I moved to L.A. after working on Broadway and immediately got “Glee.” People were introduced to me as Lea Michele, but really as Rachel Berry. Outside of “Glee” and outside of this record will be continued opportunities for people to see me as an actor and as a singer. JG: To help write a song about Monteith, she reached out to Sia Furler, the Australian singer-songwriter who has worked with Katy Perry, Rihanna, and Christina Aguilera and has five songs on Michele’s album. When they met, “it took her a second, and then I guess she read me right, and she knew that as her secrets were safe with me,” Furler says. They cowrote “If You Say So”—named for the last words Monteith said to Michele. The track isn’t finished yet, but it will definitely be on the album, Michele says, as will another track added after Monteith died, called “Cannonball.” While working with Furler on that song, the actress broke down in sobs. “I said [to Furler], ‘I feel like I’m starting to just sink in it, and he would never want me to do that. I need to remember that you have to live, because you can want to die.’ ” Telling this story, Michele quotes the “Cannonball” lyrics: “I’ve got to get out into the world again/ I won’t hide inside/ I’ve got to get out/ Got to get out/ Lonely inside but I’m going to light the fuse…and now I will start living.” Over the course of two days together for this story, Michele’s eyes mist up a few times. But it’s not until she plays another song, “You’re Mine,” recorded well before Monteith’s death, that she actually lets go. It’s a comparatively upbeat track built around the notion that one person can belong to another for life. It’s about the way love makes you feel invincible—everything else seems possible, because you have this person on your team forever. As it plays, Michele closes her eyes, sings along, and cries. “It makes me so happy, this song,” she shouts over the backbeat, grinning through her tears. “It makes me think so much of Cory. It was ours. When I think of him, I play this.”
When something happens to her and a feeling comes up, she does not go above it, below it, or around it. She always goes through it, completely, and experiences it. Photographed by Giampaolo Sgura
Tiny Life Changes That’ll Bring You Major Bliss by Annie Daly
You don’t need to go on a tropical getaway to feel happier ASAP
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es, pulling a Seth Cohen and sailing off to Tahiti on a yacht would probably bring you major bliss. But you don’t have to go big to score big happiness—the smaller stuff actually works just as well. We checked in with Christine Hassler, life coach, speaker, and author of Expectation Hangover, for the full scoop on little life changes that’ll up your happiness factor big time.
GET MORE SLEEP This may be the most important happiness move you can make, says Hassler. When you’re tired, your body produces more cortisol, which makes you feel stressed. Normally get six to seven hours? Try for eight. Trust us on this one. Of all the things you have power over in your life, sleep isn’t one of them. No amount of wishing, hoping or willing can make it happen. As soon as you accept that it’s out of your control, you’ll spend less time worrying about it. It’s like traffic during your morning commute, you can either let it drive you nuts daily or know that it’s just a part of life—some days will be smoother than others. You set an alarm to get up every morning, but punctuality for going to bed is just as important. While you don’t have to set a nightly alarm, pick an hour for shutting down every night and stick to it—on weekends too. Your body needs routine. The Sandman comes when the body’s temperature drops. Exaggerate that effect with a toasty bath or shower then lie down and let your body heat get low. Even the smallest amount of light can disturb slumber. That means TVs, computers, and even hallway lights should be switched to the off position until you’ve landed safely on the other side of morning. Putting your iPod on shuffle isn’t the best idea for drowning out your partner’s snoring. You never know when a jolting party anthem will come up. Instead, sleep with a fan on or invest in a sound machine that can produce white noise to block the racket of the outside world. Cold is sleep’s partner in crime. So lower your thermostat a bit—and save money on your heat while you’re at it—then pile on the blankets. A colder bedroom means your body will function at calmer, more restful speeds. Heavy eating or drinking before bed increases your chances of indigestion or frequent trips to the bathroom. A light dinner about two hours before bedtime can help you sleep more soundly. A night of debauchery every now and then is fine but don’t make a habit of a glass of wine and a smoke before bed. Alcohol and nicotine are stimulants that can not only keep you wide-eyed, but also interrupt a peaceful night’s sleep. The pillow is like a sports bra; it’s the most important equipment for working out your z’s. Make sure that your pillows are supportive, comfortable, and suited to your sleeping position tendencies. The pillows of a stomach sleeper and a fetal position person don’t have to look the same. Midnight hairballs, dogs dreaming of digging—need we say more? As adorable as they are, your pets are not sleep’s best friends. They’re just as prone to be woken up—and thus wake you up—by the little things that go bump in the night. If a minor ache or pain is keeping
WRITE A THANK-YOU NOTE Practicng gratitude makes you feel more fulfilled, says Hassler, which in turn makes you feel more blissful overall. Write a note to a friend who’s been amazing to you over the years, or, better yet, make a list before bed of a couple things that happened that day that you’re really excited about.
and Leave Insecurity Behind. In a recent TEDx talk (an offshoot of TED Talks), Neff argues that selfcompassion is actually more important than self-esteem. Her rationale:
of unplanned time each day, at least half an hour—to do whatever you want. It’ll help you feel less stressed, which ups your bliss levels in a big way, says Hassler.
HOLD THE PHONE! Your iPhone, that is. Detaching from technology helps you rejuvenate and feel less, well, buzzed. Try to have at least one hour out of every day when you don’t check it, suggest Hassler— whatever hour works best for you!
GIVE A COMPLIMENT… TO YOURSELF You know you’re guilty of being too hard on yourself—we all are. But treating yourself like you treat your friends makes you so. much. happier, says Hassler. So compliment yourself on your awesome hair day or the fact that you killed it during your work presentation. Self-criticism doesn’t just make you feel like garbage,
Self-esteem depends on feelings of superiority or accomplishment, while self-compassion doesn’t. When you compare yourself to others and come out on top, Neff says, your self-esteem gets a boost. The problem is, when you fail, or when you feel like you’re only average, your selfesteem plummets. Selfcompassion, on the other hand, doesn’t depend on feeling special—all it depends on is the ability to treat yourself like a human being who deserves love and care. In other words, all it takes to practice self-compassion is to start acting like your own best friend.
CHOOSE A PERSONAL THEME SONG Every week, choose a song with a message that you want to follow—be happy, live in the moment, whatever—and play it on your way to work. Listening to the same song over and over will help you better connect with its main idea, says Hassler, so you’re more likely to adopt its wisdom.
DRINK MORE H2O This is one of those tips that makes pretty much every happiness/mindfulness/ life-improvement list there is. But that’s because it works! Water helps your body run smoother and clears your head, says Hassler. Translation? It’s an, um, clear winner.
fact, there are several. Try Waterlogged for iPhone or Water Your Body (for Android and iPhones). Not big on apps? Just set a few alerts on your phone throughout the day to remind yourself to hit the water cooler. Get a Filter You’ll Actually Use: If your water filter just takes up space in the fridge and leaves BMiz residue in your glass, it’s time for an upgrade. We’re loving Soma ($49, drinksoma. com), a new sustainable filter shaped like a carafe. It’s made out of coconut shell carbon, silk, and plant-based casing—so no more black flakes in your water. Plus you’ll get new filters delivered every two months, and each one helps provide clean water through their charity project. Keep It Close: Let’s be real—if you’re stuck at your desk all day or on the road traveling for hours, you’re not going to make it a priority to go get water very often. The fix: Always keep a big tumbler of water on your desk or a water bottle
bottle holds 40 oz. ($27.95, kleankanteen.com)! Think of Your Wallet: Make a pact to only order water at restaurants and you’ll save calories and cash. Just make sure to ask for tap instead of bottled. Most restaurants use a filtration system anyway, and you likely won’t have to pay for the cup of water. Eat Your Water: It isn’t exactly cheating—you can technically hydrate with water-rich foods like cucumbers, melons, celery or even soup with a light broth. Consider it an Appetizer: Drinking 16 oz. (the amount in a regular water bottle) before meals can help you lose weight, according to a 2010 study in the journal Obesity. Just knowing that drinking up can help you eat less should be enough motivation to grab a glass. Make it Part of Your Night Out: If you’re out at the bar, you already know you should be alternating a glass of water for every cocktail (right!?). But make it a habit to always drink at least one more glass of water before bed when you get home. Not only will it help you rehydrate after drinking, but it’ll make your hangover suck much less.
CHECK YOUR BANK ACCOUNT ONLINE EVERY DAY It’s so easy to stress out about money—we all do it. But if you check your statement daily, you’ll feel like you have a better handle on your financial situation—or you’ll improve your “wealth consciousness,” as Hassler calls it. That, in turn, makes you feel more in control and happier
PLAN A GIRL’S NIGHT AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK
Research shows that simply anticipating good times makes you happier—even before you’ve had them. So start that “Friday dinner?” Gmail chain, and pick somewhere delicious to go—you all deserve it. Not every girls’ night needs to be tequila-fueled. It’s a good idea to take a break from the booze. Learning a new skill or catering to your own well-being helps women bond, says Andrea Bonior, Ph.D., an adjunct professor of psychology at Georgetown University. With that in mind, we assembled this list of WH editor-approved ideas: 1. See a midnight movie 2. Hit up a fortune teller 3. Unwind at a spa 4. Make dinner in a cooking course 5. Attend a book reading or play 6. Get blowouts or mani-pedis 7. Visit a cheesy tourist attraction.
The 10-Second Trick To Outsmarting Any Used Car Salesman By David Sterman
Remember those first semesters of college? Life on campus started to seem a bit boring, and the urge to start roaming off campus on weekends grew stronger. That’s around the time we’d call our parents, pleading with them to buy us a car. These days, having a car while in college must seem like an unaffordable luxury for the many students who are going deeper into student loan debt with each passing semester. Yet for some students, having a car isn’t a luxury but a necessity -- especially if they seek off-campus, part-time employment to help manage their finances. The good news: There’s never been a better time to buy an old, inexpensive car. The quality of today’s used cars is so much better than before, so a 100,000-mile odometer reading means a car is just getting going and is no longer a signal that repair bills will soon spike. So the question isn’t whether to buy a used car -- it’s how and where to buy a used car. And for all the bad rep the used car dealer has, there is in fact a way to buy from dealers and come out on top. We’ll tell you how. And it will only take 10 seconds of your time. Used cars today are a great buy. Owners of Toyotas, Hondas and Subarus will tell you that their cars have been flipping the 200,000-mile odometer reading for quite some time. And that’s why these brands have always commanded premium pricing for used cars. And they still do. Expect to pay $9,500 for a 2007 Honda Accord in excellent condition. (If you go to a dealer, that price is $2,000 higher, as I’ll discuss in a moment.) Yet a comparably equipped Hyundai Sonata goes for $8,100. Most mechanics will tell you that there isn’t a lick of difference between these two cars in terms of reliability and safety. But then, we’re talking about cars made five years ago, which is right around the time when virtually all global automakers began showing strong gains in terms of product quality. Go back five to seven years before that and you’re taking on more risk. I can tell you first-hand that my 2000 Ford Taurus wagon was an absolute dud, finding its way into the repair shop with alarming frequency. Yet Ford sharply improved its game from there -- as measured by Consumer Reports magazine and J.D. Power & Associates. However, memories linger long, and prices for recently built Fords are still lower than you might think -- at least when compared to rivals -- even though the quality is much improved. But for all the improvements in the market, buying a used car can be nervewracking. You simply can’t know if you’re inheriting somebody else’s imminent big repair job. That’s why car dealers typically charge around $2,000 more for a used car than what private sellers look to charge. They are offering peace of mind. But what do you get for that $2,000? A car that has been washed and waxed. If you pay up for a certified pre-owned car from a dealer, expect to pay even more. Those insulting dealer mark-ups for used cars are even more egregious when you find out that they got the cars for very low prices as trade-ins, sometimes thousands less than what a consumer could have gotten if they bothered to sell the car on their own. So the profit for these used cars for dealers is often well more than the $2,000 noted above. But you can try to use that knowledge to your benefit -- once you realize that a lot
of new car dealers don’t really like a lot of used cars sitting on their lots. Why not lowball them? A sample pitch that only takes 10 seconds of your time: “I realize that you only paid $6,000 for that $9,000 2005 Toyota Camry on your lot, and I’d like to give you a tidy $1,500 profit by paying $7,500.” You’d be surprised at how often this works. Here’s how to do it: Find a good-condition used car that seems to hold up well in a leisurely road test, then take it to your trusted mechanic. They’ll charge you around $150 to go over the vehicle in very close detail, and if they do spot problems, you can simply walk away from the deal. (If the used car seller balks at a request to have the car inspected, say adios.) So now you know how to buy. But what should you buy? In effect, to score the best deals, you need to go with the brands that aren’t always at the top of a college student’s wish list. The massive economic crisis of 2008 led automakers to do the unthinkable: shut down entire brands. Names like Mercury, Pontiac, Oldsmobile and Plymouth have disappeared from the marketplace, and consumers are mistakenly shunning the used cars of these brands. Many figure it will be hard to find parts for a car that is no longer being supported by a major manufacturer. That’s simply untrue. Mercury and Ford offered virtually identical cars, and the spare parts in a Ford Fusion are the same ones found in a Mercury Montego. Or what about a Pontiac G6? A 2007 model in perfect condition with 100,000 miles will set you back $6,600. Yet the identical Chevy Malibu from that year goes for $800 more in the used-car market.
Do’s and Don’ts of Car Buying
The dealer and his reps are there to exact as large a profit as possible on each transaction--and years of experience have made them quite adept at doing exactly that.
Do: Get the big picture. Remember, the dealer and his reps are there to exact as large a profit as possible on each transaction--and years of experience have made them quite adept at doing exactly that. Maximizing your chances against this well-oiled selling machine requires thorough research on all aspects of the buying process followed by the formulation of a strategic action plan. Start by reading all the literature you can on the subject--from general resource materials to road tests of specific vehicles--and enlist the help of knowledgeable friends whenever possible. Forget about acquiring any new car or truck below cost. Under normal circumstances, your goal will be to limit dealer margin to 2-4 percent over the invoice figure. However, leveraging power is always subject to the basic law of supply and demand, so if your heart is set on a red-hot seller, be prepared to pay for that indulgence--to the tune of full sticker, and in some cases, even beyond. Define what you want--and need--before commencing negotiations. Once you’ve decided on a vehicle category and come up with a short list of specific primary candidates that fit your budget, it’s time to start visiting local dealers. Use these basic recon missions to check out the hardware with respect to things you’ll love or hate in say, a year’s time, like build quality, utility, ergonomics, and comfort, while you gather up product brochures for at-home perusal. Research! Meaningful negotiations can only occur when you know what a dealer actually paid for the car or truck in question, not just the price on its window sticker. Basic invoice data on vehicles and options can be found in the Kelley Blue Book “New Car Price Manual” and Edmund’s “New Car Prices,” both of which are available in most bookstores or via the Internet. Consider when to buy. The best buys are to be had during the middle days of any week, during the last week of the month, and especially late in a given model year. Also remember, special manufacturer-supported “selling events” and/ or subsidized financing periods frequently provide shoppers with even better dealing opportunities. Test drive. Although it might seem too obvious to mention, and regardless of how much information you’ve already gathered, nothing can take the place of first-hand wheel time. Elsewhere in this supplement, we’ve included an easy-to-follow procedure for this important first meeting. Don’t: Forget that you are the ultimate deal maker or breaker. Refuse to be intimidated by high-pressure tactics or offers that will “only be good for the next hour.” Remember that any time prior to signing on the dotted line, you’re free to simply get up and leave. Here are the proper steps to staying in control of the situation: Step one is always to establish a formal purchase price. Next, reach an agreement on a fair value for any vehicle you’ll be offering as a trade-in (when applicable). Finally, address the subject of how the transaction will be financed. Blur these items together, and you’ll lose track of the deal. Pay for things you don’t want. Without a doubt, the highest profit margins on any new vehicle are found on “dealer-installed” options. Prime on the list of things you categorically don’t need are any type of rustproofing/undercoating, paint sealers, and/or fabric protectors, but special trim packages, telephones, and non-factory audio upgrades also can add more cost than value to the mix. The same relationship generally holds true for extended warranty coverages. On a related topic, always say no to any pitches for dealersupplied credit life or disability insurance. Finally, aggressively challenge all supplemental sticker charges like ADM (additional dealer markup) and nonspecific “prep fees” for the blatant ripoffs they are. Sign anything until you’ve read and understood the deal. Carefully go over every portion of a contract prior to putting your signature on it. Demand a plain English explanation of any elements you find confusing or misleading. If the salesman balks, take a walk.
MINDFULNESS How to Live in the Now
By practicing mindfulness, you can reduce stress, boost your brain, and power up your body. Written by: Tori Rodriguez It was sort of a pre-midlife crisis that led Jessica Obenschain, 35, to the practice that would transform her life. After a few fits and starts, she’d finally graduated from college at age 29; but when she looked around at the “real world”—then cascading into financial free fall—her plans to quickly score a job faltered. Her anxiety, however, mounted so much that she would have panic attacks a few times a week while driving, including to interviews. She’d have to pull over and call her husband for a ride home, leaving her car and potential employment behind. While researching ways to cope, Jessica stumbled across mindfulness, the practice of living in—and accepting—the present moment. She gave it a try. “After a couple months, something changed,” she says. “My panic just went away. The more I practiced, the more I realized I could take care of myself—behind the wheel and in general.” These days, as a mom and freelance writer, she’s largely without anxiety. Jessica is just one of many turning to mindfulness, for everything from stress and anxiety relief to help with sleep or weight issues to better performance at work (or at the gym, or even in bed!). “Mindfulness has gone from a niche practice to something embraced by tens—if not hundreds— of millions of people,” says Danny Penman, Ph.D., coauthor of Mindfulness: An Eight-Week Plan for Finding Peace in a Frantic World. It’s showing up in the boardroom (Google offers its staff a program), the classroom (some school districts add it to teacher training), and even Congress (see Rep. Tim Ryan’s new book, A Mindful Nation). And per new science, it works—with no negative side effects.
Gain Mind Control. Like most integrative mind-body therapies (yoga, acupuncture), mindfulness isn’t exactly new. Its roots lie in ancient Buddhism, and a secular version was popularized stateside in the 1970s. But for decades, mainstream culture viewed it as New Age fluff, a hippie-esque way of tuning out. Then came a perfect storm. Studies began exploding out of research labs, proving that mindfulness could be a key to fighting disease. At the same time, technology advanced to the point that we live under a nonstop bombardment of information, 24 hours a day. And the financial crisis hit, leaving people in a “constantly stressed, burned-out state of existence,” says Penman. Suddenly, that New Age fluff was looking pretty good. The concept is at once super simple and difficult to grasp. “Mindfulness is a full awareness of precisely what is happening in the present,” says Penman. OK, but. . .huh? Think of it like this: Most of us spend a lot of time either mulling over the past (if only I’d kept my mouth shut) or worrying about the future (will I ever finish this assignment?). Mindfulness involves stilling that chatter and focusing on the here and now, says psychologist Susan Albers, Psy.D., a mindfulness expert at the Cleveland Clinic. “It is concentrating on what’s happening in the moment, without dwelling, judging, or trying to change anything.” In other words, no overthinking or over-analyzing—or the opposite, banishing all thoughts. Unlike many forms of meditation, which involve totally clearing your mind, mindfulness means letting your thoughts come and go without rushing to figure out what they mean. If that sounds a little too Zen, keep in mind that you can’t be mindful all the time. There is, however, a cumulative and lasting effect. “Mindfulness is both a process and an outcome,” says Mirabai Bush, of the Center for Contemplative Mind in Society. “The day-to-day practice leads to a general state of heightened awareness.” It also leads to some awesome health boons.
“Jessica is just one of many turning to mindfulness, for everything from stress and anxiety relief to help with sleep or weight issues to better performance at work...”
Head-Strong Habits. Turns out, all that harping on the past or future is way stressful. It activates your sympathetic nervous system, the driving force behind the body’s fight-or-flight response. Kicking that into continuous high gear can seriously tax your body and mind, says Penman. Obviously, no one can live worry-free. But what you can do is dial down a prolonged fight-or-flight impulse by flexing your parasympathetic nervous system, a.k.a. your relaxation response, via—yup, you guessed it— mindfulness. The chill-out effect comes with major brain bonuses. People who practice everyday mindfulness can actually change the structure of their brains, beefing up the areas that control emotions and stress responses, says psychologist Britta Holzel, Ph.D., a neuroscience researcher at Charite Hospital in Berlin. That’s why mindfulness can mean the difference between freaking out and keeping cool when, say, your friend flakes on dinner or you get unfair criticism from a boss. And why it’s been proven to help ward off anxiety and depression. Body-wise, the more mindful you are, the more dominant your relaxation response becomes, which means you have fewer stress hormones coursing through you at any given time. Hence the links between mindfulness and reductions in blood pressure, heart rate, and inflammation. The practice has also been shown to aid chronic
Start Your Practice. Best of all: Mindfulness is free. Caveat: It takes loads of practice. But before the idea of more work makes you turn away, consider that you can try it anytime, any place, in almost any situation. And once you get the hang of it, you'll automatically be more mindful, without much effort. To start, try to set aside 10 to 20 minutes a day. Remember that "you'll never be able to spend tons of time in a state of mindfulness; the human mind is designed to wander, and that's OK," says Penman. So don't give yourself a mental spanking if you break your concentration. Keep at it with these step-by-step tips. Just Breathe. The very thing that makes mindfulness so accessible—you can do it anywhere—is also what can make it seem confusing. The simplest place to begin is with your breath, says Diana Winston, director of mindfulness education at UCLA's Mindful Awareness Research Center. Sit or stand in a comfortable, quiet place and breathe naturally. No need to count inhalations and exhalations; just relax, focusing on the sensations in your stomach, chest, or nostrils. If your mind wanders, gently bring your attention back to your breath. Use What You've Got. Next, try bringing that "here and now" awareness to everyday activities. For example, notice the warmth of the water and movement of your hands while washing the dishes; focus on how the bristles feel on your gums while brushing your teeth; observe the leaves, grass, and smells around you on a nature walk. Find Your Center. Start employing that focus in small real-life situations. Take your mental temperature throughout the day. If you notice you are, for example, stressed about an upcoming work meeting, spend a few minutes in mindful breathing. Don't try to push your anxious thoughts away; rather, try watching your mind in action. Acknowledge your stress and where it's stemming from. This helps dissolve negativity, says Penman.
Get Ready For Prime Time. You can try mindfulness in higher-stakes scenarios—such as a confrontation with a friend. Practice mindful breathing beforehand, and then, even in the thick of conversation, stay aware of your breath, body, and emotions. Remain in the moment rather than jumping ahead to how you'll respond or fend off a verbal bruising. This will help you be a better listener and avoid saying anything you'll later regret. Know How To Stop. If at any point you get frustrated—hey, it happens, even to the pros—fall back on the STOP method: Stop, Take a breath, Observe what's happening inside and around you at that moment, then Proceed with whatever you're doing. Eventually, your default emotional setting will be calmer—and your body and mind will thank you.
Know How To Stop. If at any point you get frustrated—hey, it happens, even to the pros—fall back on the STOP method: Stop, Take a breath, Observe what’s happening inside and around you at that moment, then Proceed with whatever you’re doing. Eventually, your default emotional setting will be calmer—and your body and mind will thank you.
ASK E. JEAN By E. Jean E-mail your questions to: e.jean@askejean.com
ASK E. JEAN: MY BOYFRIEND IS JUDGMENTAL ABOUT MY WEIGHT “Men can change,” says E. Jean. “Even your own Mr. Shallow Hal.” DEAR E. JEAN: My boyfriend of two years, who has been chubby most of his life, has an incredibly hostile attitude toward overweight women. He makes rude comments when they’re out of earshot. I’ve spoken to him about it many times, but to no avail. I’m 5’7” and a healthy 133 pounds. I suffered from anorexia in high school and am extremely sensitive about my appearance. He tells me I’m pretty, but recently he said he’d be hitting the gym before our vacation because “we’re going to be the fattest people on the beach.” Key word: we’re. I was very upset. He apologized. But when we were on vacation, I mentioned a “half-pound cookie” I saw on the menu, and I swear he said under his breath, “That’s the last thing you need.” I was so hurt. He’s starting to talk marriage. Should I hang on or move on?—Uneasy & Undecided Un, hunny: I’ve said it 200 times: Men can change. Even your own Mr. Shallow Hal. But I don’t see any to-ing and fro-ing in your letter, no “I love him buts,” not a syllable of tenderness. However, if you do have a scrap of affection for him remaining, I suggest two things: Call him out on his judgmental—not to mention hypocritical—idiocy, or see a couples therapist. But I warn you about the latter: This may be the most difficult of all types of analysis, not merely because it’s hideously painful exploring love (and weight), and not because things can explode in tears and screams in the first 23 seconds of a session, but because most therapists are lousy at it. Make certain you choose one who specializes in couples (get a recommendation from happy friends and/or do telephone interviews) and who will provide the skills necessary to make good changes.
ASK E. JEAN: HOW SOON IS TOO SOON TO FLY ACROSS THE WORLD FOR A RELATIONSHIP? What are my rights under international law? I live in the States. He lives in Zurich. DEAR E. JEAN: What are my rights under international law? I live in the States. He lives in Zurich. We had a one-month intense foreign affair via e-mail. Then he came, he stayed, we loved! He’s brilliant, gorgeous, very successful, and he adores me. We still talk three times a week and text four times a day. In the beginning, we were talking about moving together to New York, but now, not so much. I’m a firm believer in “no rules” when it comes to love, but I want a plan. Marriage is not a priority, but I do want to be with him. I don’t feel comfortable asking, “What’s going to happen in the next year?” I want to believe he’s not making me feel that I can’t ask, but I think I know better. Though we’ve only been in the same vicinity for a month total, I’ve got something special here. Can I ask him when we’re pulling out the troops? —Dare I Want More? DARE, DOLLFACE: No. No. Nooooooooooo. You may not ask him. What have you been doing? Reading self-help books about “communication” that were written by people who haven’t gotten laid in 20 years? Don’t be in such a hurry. It’s too soon. It’s too pushy. It’s too desperate. It strips the wonder. It strangles the charm. It will crush the romance. Write to me in a year—then it may be time to talk.
ASK E. JEAN: WHAT’S THE BEST GET-A-HUSBAND SCHEME? A woman asks E. Jean how to get her boyfriend to marry her, even though he doesn’t respect her DEAR E. JEAN: I may have just ruined my life for a man. He’s a partner at a white-shoe law firm, with an apartment on Fifth Avenue and a house in the Hamptons. When we first started seeing each other, I was a lawyer in Indianapolis, and we spent a couple of weekends together every month. I realized quickly that nothing would happen for us unless I moved to New York, so I found a position with a Manhattan firm I hated, got an apartment, and now unfortunately, things are taking a turn for the worse. Item: He won’t give me the keys to his apartment. Item: He’s constantly overbooked with work commitments. Item: He won’t discuss marriage. Item: He doesn’t respect me intellectually. (For example: I’ll suggest a strategy for one of his cases and he’ll say, “That’s why you’re not a—name of his prestigious firm—attorney.”) Item: We went away to a gorgeous Caribbean island for vacation, and I overheard him describing our romantic trip as “a bit dull and claustrophobic.” (I felt like I’d been stabbed!) Item: He’s very close with a beautiful female associate in his firm who has two Ivy League degrees with honors, a prestigious clerkship with a judge, etc.—stuff I never had a hope of getting. Item: The last time he answered his cell phone (I was calling to congratulate him on winning a case in Texas), he barked, “This has to be E___ [my name] calling, because no one else could possibly be this annoying!” E. Jean, I love him! I want him! I want kids before it’s too late! What do I do?—Not in Indiana Anymore INDIANA, HUNNY: Item: I don’t like the bugger. I don’t like his unkindness. But if you want him (do you really?), get on with your career; take up a brutal, competitive sport (kayaking, rockclimbing, handball) wherein you beat the tar out of the conceited lout (this will gain his respect, not to mention moving nicer, newer men across your path); lash together a circle of New York friends; don’t call him; don’t text him; don’t suggest plans; never mention marriage; don’t scheme—and absolutely no scenes. Chances are still 99 percent against you, but there’s a one percent sliver of a half-assed hope he’ll come around. By then, of course, he won’t fit into your intriguing new life.
ASK E. JEAN: SHOULD I CHOOSE MY DREAM JOB OVER MY FIANCÉ? “I don’t have absolute proof, but selfish fiancés rarely make good husbands, “E. Jean advises. DEAR E. JEAN: I just graduated. My fiancé’s a violinist and took his last semester off to “practice.” I work at a horrible job in order to live close to him and we now have an apartment together. However, I have a good shot at getting my dream job as a buyer for a major retail store. The new job would require me to move. My fiancé absolutely refuses to move with me. In fact, he flat-out told me, “I hope you don’t get that job because it will ruin my life.” I don’t want to throw away my future and turn down this opportunity, but I don’t want to leave my man either.—Clueless in Connecticut DARE, DOLLFACE: Take the job. P.S. I don’t have absolute proof, but selfish fiancés rarely make good husbands.
How To Order A Drink Like You Know What You’re Doing by Jess Mathews Knowing how to order mixed drinks at the bar is very important. You have to let the bartender know exactly what you want to drink so he/she doesn’t make something different.
Liquor Always First When you order a mixed drink, always name the liquor first. Example: Jack and Coke, Cape Cod, Captain and Coke, Gin and Tonic, Screwdriver, etc. Common Mistake: When some people order Vodka Red Bull, they call it Red Bull Vodka. Why? One day somebody ordered a Double Red Bull and Vodka, so I asked him, “Do you want double Red Bull and single Vodka or a double Vodka and Red Bull?” Note: Look at any mixed drink recipe book and you’ll see that the liquor is always named first, then the juices or soft drinks. When bartenders make mixed drinks, they always pour the liquor first, then the juice or soft drink.
Name the Brand First If you like a mixed drink with a particular brand, name the brand first. Example: If you like to drink Vodka and Tonic and you like Belvedere, order a Belvedere and Tonic instead of Vodka and Tonic with Belvedere. Personal Experience: One day a lady came to my bar and ordered like this, “May I have a Vodka Cranberry... Stoli and Orange Juice.” I thought that she wanted a Vodka Cranberry and a Stoli Orange Juice. She actually meant a Stoli Cranberry and a plain Orange Juice.
Don’t Assume Anything Don’t assume that all the bartenders make the drinks exactly the same way, because they don’t. There are many variations of the same mixed drink recipe and many bartenders make the drinks differently. Example: A Lemon Drop Martini Some bartenders use: Citrus Vodka, Triple Sec, Lemon Juice and Sugar or Citrus Vodka, Triple Sec, Sweet and Sour Mix and Sugar or Vodka, Triple Sec, Lemon Juice and Sugar or Vodka, Triple Sec,
Sweet and Sour Mix and Sugar, etc. If you like your drink to be made a certain way, ask the bartender to make it the way you want it.
Types of Drinks Well Drink A well drink is a drink made with the cheapest liquor available at the bar. Example: If you order a Rum and Coke, you get the cheapest rum and Coke. You do not get Bacardi and Coke. Note: Next time you go to a Happy Hour and you order a drink, you know that you will get the cheapest liquor available at that bar. Keep in Mind: If you go to a bar and order a drink without specifying a liquor, you will get the cheapest liquor for your drink. In other words, you get a well drink. Call Drink A call drink is a drink made with a specified liquor. You call for a liquor to be used in your drink. Example: Bacardi and Coke, Jack and Coke, Stoli and Cranberry, Tanqueray and Tonic, etc. Careful: If you call for the most expensive liquor, your drink will become a premium drink and not a call drink Note: If you are not sure about the drink that you want to order is a call drink or premium drink, ask the bartender and he/she will let you know. Premium Drink A premium drink is a drink made with an expensive liquor. Example: Grey Goose and Tonic, a Patron shot, Cadillac Margarita etc. Note: This is also called a top shelf drink. Draught Beer (Draft Beer or Tap Beer) Draught beer, draft beer or tap beer, is beer drawn from a metal barrel (keg). Note: The most common name is draft beer or tap beer. I prefer calling it draft beer. House Wine House wine is referred to the less expensive wine at the bar or restaurant.
Come on, ladies, they’re easy to spot. However, you keep dating them. From players to cheapskates, women great women, in fact - will fall for their lines, compromise their wants and desires, and date these losers. Please, refrain. I know it’s tough out there in the dating pool and we sometimes feel like we don’t have much to choose from, but if you stick with Mr Lame, you’ll never have the opportunity to meet Mr Wonderful.
20 GUYS
TO AVOID IN YOUR TWENTIES Written by: David Covucci DATING ADVICE
Your twenties can be one long, horrible, emotionally-devastating armpit of a decade — due in no small part to the following gentlemen.
20.
The guy who Instagrams pictures of himself shirtless. Everybody just calm down.
19.
The dull guy whose only positive attribute is taking you out to fancy dinners.
18.
The guy who spends like a drunken sailor — on his parents’ dime.
17. 16.
No, the $300 solid-gold nori roll is not worth it. Without him, you might have to eat Cup O’Noodles, but you will not have to eat your pride. Some of us do have to dip into the parental fund now and then, but it’s for rent, not for said $300 solid-gold nori roll dinner and the flat-screen TV in the living room.
The guy who owns a typewriter. SCREW. THAT.
The guy who’s using Foursquare to brag about his nightlife.
So he got into that exclusive nightlife venue: “Ironic Dive Bar” For Insanely Rich People. That is great for him. But do we all need to know? I’m about to go take a shit in a really fancy bathroom, want me to check in?
15.
The once-a-month hookup you obsessively stalk on Facebook and Twitter.
14.
The guy with the super avant-garde major.
One second he’s here, the next second — poof. You want to find out if he’s seeing someone else, but you don’t want to ask your mutual friends, because that is embarrassing, so you just troll his social media feeds like a rabid animal. NO. Cut it off.
Like “death” or “comedy” or “basket weaving.”
13.
The dude who wears a fedora/porkpie hat.
12.
The flirty male friend with a girlfriend.
11.
The guy with no ambition except to be the most messed-up dude at the party.
10.
Anyone with a meaningless tattoo.
9.
The guy who brags about that one time he was arrested.
8. 7.
Is he the ghost of an old-timey ‘20s guy with a twirly mustache? No? Unacceptable. Related: The guy who wears vests without the rest of the suit, unless he is literally Usher.
Always moaning about your girlfriend’s flaws over beer and then casually mentioning that my tits look great today? Get off my lawn.
Butt-chugging the most Jose Cuervo at 5 PM on a Tuesday night is not a stable long-term life goal.
If it’s just random letters of a foreign language that look cool, there is a good chance that it says “You’re a Tool” in said language.
Or those two times, or three times. Lets put it this way—are Elliott Stabler and Olivia Benson gonna be knocking on your door anytime soon? If so, avoid.
The guy you have to convince to like you. Any time you feel yourself
doing a Michigan J. Frog-style tap dance for a guy’s approval means that you should have been out of there five minutes ago.
The dude with poor grammar.
You don’t itch yourself. You scratch yourself.
6. 5. 4. 3.
The guy who’s obsessed with Jack Kerouac/Charles Bukowski/ William S. Burroughs. We get it. Related: Mansplainers.
The guy who doesn’t read, other than that one time he read Fight Club.
The guy who talks down to you.
You tell him you got a promotion, and he responds, “That’s adorable.”
The guy who doesn’t know what he wants.
This is a frustrating early-twenties male epidemic — and perhaps the most frustrating element is that he’s very likely told you that he doesn’t know what he wants from the get-go. You just didn’t want to hear it. (Not that I am projecting.) GTFO before it’s too late, and you are pumicing your foot and watching Frasier with your cat. (Again: Not projecting.)
2.
The guy your best friend has a crush on.
1.
Justin Bobby. Never forget.
This was actually chiseled into a stone wall as part of Hammurabi’s code.
“Being single doesn’t necessarily mean you’re available. Sometimes you have to put up a sign that says, ‘Do Not Disturb’ on your heart.” –Wiz Khalifa
CHEER UP
make the life you want