NOUS 3 - The Renaissance Issue

for

modern

mindculture

nous

and

empathatic

magazine

thinking

three

The Renaissance Issue beg innings, endings and the inbetween

spring 2014

team

trident

press

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3

nous

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Melih Dรถnmezer

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Editorial & Art Direction Lisa Lorenz Words Angus Stewart Emily Godden Jake Duff James Bell Lewis Toumazou Ramon Marquès Robert Leeming Photography Alberto Feijóo albertofeijoo.com Lara Shipley larashipley.com Melih Dönmezer Todd Danforth toddjdanforth.com Illustration Chloé Poizat chloepoizat.com chloe-poizat-illustration. tumblr.com Freda Meier fredameier.de Joe Rudko joerudko.com Joe Whitmore jwhitmoo.com Michael Weninger michaelweninger.de Simone Karl simonekarl.com Tosh nataschahohmann.de

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Watch

Risograph

Marc the Printers marctheprinters.co.uk

One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest Miloš Forman, 1975 Family Life Ken Loach, 1971 Park Avenue Aparna Sen, 2005

Fonts

Gratitude

Arek

by Khajag Apelian Mangal

by Raghunath Joshi

to Pool Arts; all our friends and loved ones for the mental support; our crowd-funders, post-production helpers, all writers, illustrators, photographers, and you, dear reader

Tracklist of the Renaissance Issue Money Letter to Yesterday Max Prosa Mein Kind Blumfeld Ich - wie es wirklich war Melodium The Dark Home Siskiyou Hold It In The Smiths That Joke Isn’t Funny Anymore die Heiterkeit Tausend Tropfen Regen Peter Licht Wir Sollten Uns Halten

Albert Camus The Outsider

words

the

national

demons

Contact We love to hear from you!

We are always looking for enthusiastic support.

Everyone is welcome. www.nous-magazine.de hej@nous-magazine.de © The publisher, authors and contributors reserve their rights in regards to copyright of their work. No part may be reproduced or copied without the written consent of the publisher.

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Do not know What’s wrong with me Sours in the cup When I walk into the room I do not light it up

Print

Paper

magazine

Danke.

Edition / 500

for Kate

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Content existance

-

Cover

6

Chloé Poizat

Impressum

Inner Cover

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Melih Dönmezer

Editorial

well, what does it matter.

i exist on the best terms i can.

the past is now part of my future. the present is well out of hand.

-

curtis

Endings

Inbetween

Beginnings

12

26

34

52

70

90

I just destroyed

Portrait of a Family

It

Awash

Curlew River

Fly

the World

Todd Danforth

Emily Godden

James Bell

Robert Leeming

David Hartley

Freda Meier

Tosh

Laura Shipley

Tosh

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54

76

16

Furiously Mad

Depressed?

Cosmology

The Gospel of Judas

Pool Arts

Lewis Toumazou

Ramon Marquès

Jake Duff

Simone Karl

Melih Dönmezer

Angus Stewart Alberto Feijóo

Michael Weninger

content

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Editorial beginnings, endings

and everything inbetween

Welcome to

Throughout our

The words and

Photographer

We recorded a

We live longer,

the third issue of

journey to here

images you are

Todd Danforth from

meeting with an

faster, more extreme

nous magazine.

in the fairly fresh

about to read will

Massachusetts is

artists’ group based

lives - but why are we

year we met some

talk to you about

taking us to visit

in Manchester

not happier as well?

Renaissance Issue

extraordinary

many topics linked

his family coping

discussing the history

we made the first

people: poets,

in with mysterious

with a great loss.

of mental illness

step of continuing

parents, friends who

renaissance.

the magazine after

inspired us to focus

By introducing

leaving university

this ever-spinning

three chapters, we

from Turkey will

and simulatiously

wheel of life.

will guide you in

show us his own

entering the

a ring through the

world of undentity

infamous real world

three stages end,

and non-space.

with real jobs and

beginning, and void

real problems.

in the middle.

With the

Melih DĂśnmezer

All the best to you,

and the future of

for believing in the

our society dealing

chance of future,

with this issue.

past and inbetween.

Yours truely

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call often

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beginning end

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One Endings i

just the

destroyed gospel

portrait

of

the

world

of

judas

a

fa m i ly

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I just destroyed the World words

angus

photography

stewart

alberto

T

hat was when everything shook.

My whole being went tense and I tightened my grip on the gun.

I found out that it’s a boy

feijóo

I realized I just destroyed the balance of the day and the perfect silence of the beach where I’d been happy. ★ Camus

The on-call doctor said that there

today. The news sunk in over

won’t be enough strength left in

cold coffee stood at the balcony

my body for a second childbirth.

door, looking out through dry

So this is it– the end of the line.

glass into the afternoon.

There’s no way down from here.

I’d known all along of course,

It’s cold out and I can’t face putting

that as I push my boy out an entire

on my warmest blacks any more.

world is going fold away in front

They feel as if they belong to

of him. Making him will take

someone else. Someone long gone.

my everything away from me.

The gift only passes on through girls you see, and I’m the very last.

If my dreams have told me the truth then we’ll have ten years together at the top of this tower block before the winter comes in and I wither away and die.

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I just destroyed the World

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At a rough guess I think it will also take ten years for the

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I’m going take my everything and put it back into my son.

last traces of magic to leave the world for good. Gone forever like

I’m going to make every pang of guilt and memory

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Winter will pass. Then I’m going to give my son the summer.

feel like something good.

I take a second coffee and

a breath in slow wind. My boy

go back to the window. The

will never even feel it happen.

clock ticks past three and I

Will it be enough?

I can only hope.

wish I’d found my slippers.

This I can scarcely imagine: all my life I’ve felt the warmth of the

I tell myself I need to believe.

power and the glimmer orbiting

I need to believe that a world

my body. Year by year I’ve felt the

with only ordinary mortals

warmth grow closer and lesser as all

left in it can be a world worth

the others died away, and I’d grown

living in– because after all,

fond of the pitigful dregs that I am

didn’t I walk among them?

left with ... clinging to me like the black rags that used to be a dress.

Didn’t I love those men, walk the corridors of their homestead,

Still, I am not ready for the end. I’ll need those ten

eat their bread, and share their intention? Wasn’t I one of them?

years after the birth.

I can’t remember the face of my It’s hard not to be frightened. The

boy’s father. Call it slow gestation.

ten years are going to hurt. All the meaning left in my body will pour

The world needs a renaisannce.

out the gaps. In the face of this I’ve tried to think like a utilitarian.

Albert Camus said that autumn is a second spring when every

I tell myself all I can do is embrace the decline.

leaf is a flower. I’m going to make those ten final years my autumn.

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I just destroyed the World

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The Gospel of Judas words

illustration

jake

duff

michael

is often only possible if A beginning we deal with our past. Bodies in

cupboards have to be revealed. Sins - if something like this exists - admitted and people we love looked in the eye.

weninger

Uncover ourselves. And it hurts. It takes courage to admit and it takes courage to understand. Sometimes it feels like entering a dark land.

Now, let us meet our Judas.

i Coptic pottery and bones scattered, the discoverer is found with his tongue cut out.

He who is to be forever eaten.

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The Gospel of Judas

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ii He who they call merchant and traitor, who speaks through echoes and clouds of dirty smoke.

The book, a breath of dust, without a point of gravity inhaled and choked on time over.

Gnostics speak unthinking and clear, seperate us from ourselves and into three.

Leaving us wingless and reaching upwards behind.

Four like the points of a compass wrapped in linen and touched to flame.

White smoke coiled upwards and ash in tiny piles inhaled she held a shaking hand over my eyes.

I cut her hair and smoked it like a cigarette veins carried it along like a basket along the Nile.

Picked up and cradled, my throat burns in song.

iii a rosecloud over Jerusalem like an incense signal we all fall joyous to our knees and watch helpless as others ascend, we wait our turn growing anxious did we not live a righteous life?

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iv kissed his forehead and whispered close into his ear, how he understood better than the rest.

v Then they dug his wrists deep like a tomb they hoist him where a tree might once have stood had it bore fruit.

Bread he broke and passed now where we come and mourn the siege.

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viii

A passion play, a floor streaked with blood where bodies are dragged away and buried in stone.

You will be replaced that the 12 might know G-d where you shall know me so close as to become indistinguishable.

He appeared to us a child unclothed and able to see only that which was before him, they gather and sit solemn in murmured prayer as he laughs and hides his face.

"He who did create was not worth our prayers" this he says stood seconds from where one day we would fall to worship.

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When will the great day of light dawn for us?

He looked up at the stars and back down at an empty street before he understood.

He saw himself blind and weeping, naked and unable to swallow as others around him groped and kissed "and they have planted trees without fruit, in my name, in a shameful manner".

We must be buried first in sand before soil and eventually paper. ix We would gather upon steps and agree that he must die as to escape his unholy body.

As heretics they burn, stepping forward not as martyrs defiant and proud but with chains bared and begging.

That is the G-d you serve, invisible is he who mourns my name at the altar.

The G-d you serve is the meat you eat, the wine you drink and those with which you lie.

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x They will fornicate in my name, plant and water dead wood.

Another man will stand there, and another from the slaying of children it is impossible to sow seed on rock and harvest its fruit, they said.

No thought of the heart has ever called it by name, nor spoken since Christ with a shadow cast where plants might wither and blacken.

Judas whispered, suspended like fruit from a tree and knew peace.

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Portrait of a Family by

todd

T

hese family portraits tell the photographic journey that I began in pursuit to understand the emotional struggles that bond my family together.

After my Grandmother’s passing in 2004, my Grandfather became the patriarch

danforth

of the family; but more importantly he was the aging bond that weaved my family’s legacy. As time has it, nothing lasts forever- his illness worsened, his memory faded, and as I ushered a final farewell to my last semester of college, my Grandfather took his final breath.

I sat on the hospital bed beside my

Will I have his wrinkles too, I

grandfather and watched as he took

thought? His head full of white

his dying breaths. Aunt Beth walked

hair, not a bald spot to be found.

into the room and quietly sat next

And then I began to wonder about

to me. She glanced at her father for

our non-physical characteristics

a moment and then back to me.

and the similarities my aunts and uncles share with my grandparents.

»Life is funny, huh?« she said.

I began to think about his memories and accomplishments

I looked at her and then back to my grandfather. His cheeks were

and what value those hold now that he remains helpless.

no longer full and his body almost lifeless. A machine beside his

Who will continue this legacy

recliner supplied oxygen to his lungs

he began? Who will tell his story

and I could not help but imagine

after he goes, because afterall, we

myself at age seventy-eight.

are the only ones who can. ●

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Portrait of a Family

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You call everyday if there is anything new, so I know you are worried. about me.

Annie, When I pass, and leave this world, just take comfort knowing that at least I am at peace, body and soul. My mind, most of all, needs rest. It was never that stable since my teenage years. Your mother can tell you all about that, but I wish she wouldn’t. I told her everything about my life. If I had my life to live over again, I think I would have left my past behind me, like she did, and not told her anything.

Most everything I used to enjoy, (loved) I can’t do anymore. Like going to see the family in Vermont and New Hampshire and I always wanted to go to Chauncey and Aggie’s house in Maine, but was not up to it. My body won’t allow me to go hunting anymore and that was what I enjoyed most for over thirty years (second to having kids). I can’t cut and split wood anymore, ant that is something else I always enjoyed doing. The garden was also a big part of my life.

So when the time comes, after all the tears and grief, just remember we had, along with the rough times, a lot of good times and you and the rest of the family are left with many, many, many fond memories.

All my love to all, Dad

One - Endings

Portrait of a Family

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Two Inbetween nineseveneightzerooneninenine twothreeeighttwoninethree furiously

mad

awash depressed?

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9780199238293 words

emily

illustration

godden

freda

meier

That had never happened before In a way it was recognising the surveillance, But that didn’t seem important.

It was impossible to tell at a glance; You will be told everything at an appropriate time That is the law. The pointlessness of the act, You expect there to be some point.

I can be honest and tell you, I listened.

It wasn’t worth wasting words on, How can I get you to believe me?

While it’s unpleasant for you, I need to be alone I presume you haven’t been wasting your time, I suppose you don’t believe I’ve been accused Nothing would have happened.

As far as strangeness is concerned, They were well equipped with the ordinary.

I’ve seen you twice recently, if I put it off It will probably be no use to you.

We’re talking about two different things here; What is written and what I’ve experienced, I can’t afford to ignore anything that might help me.

Keep following it until you come to an exit.

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9780199238293

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Furiously Mad in

conversation

O

ne stormy day in February we made our way to St. Luke’s Art Project studio, where we met Pool Arts, a collective of creatives working and researching around the topic of mental illness.

They invited us for a conversation about the transformations in society around

with

pool

arts

the care and treatment of people initially termed as ‘furiously mad’ but also to tell us more about their personal experience.

Currently Pool Arts are preparing the exhibition ‘Furiously Mad’ opening at People’s History Museum Manchester in April 2014.

magazine

When I worked there they only

and I wanted to leave after a couple

act (a term which means someone

of days because they wanted me to do

can be detained for treatment

something I didn’t want to do. They

by law) when it was needed.

told me they might have to section me. I saw a psychiatrist the next

I find it hard to deal with the outside world.

the fact that the majority of acute

Cuckoo’s Nest. The psychiatric clinic

ward patients are there voluntarily.

in the film can be a symbol for being in a place between a start and an

N: Does the movie show the truth?

morning and he was belittling me.

They did not tell me why. I told them I wanted to leave. I had originally agreed to go in because a social worker suggested it.

I told the psychiatrist that the things I am worried about are real and not just in my head. But they

A doctor, a social worker, at least

just did not believe me. I try to

three people have to assess if a

stay home because I find it hard

person has to be sectioned.

to cope with the outside world.

Sometimes when I have to go to

And McMurphy is shocked about

touching the film One Flew Over the

I was in hospital in 1988 voluntarily

used a section of the mental health

There are stringent requirements.

N: In the exhibition you are also

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I: I was diagnosed with

town to do shopping I get distressed

schizophrenia in 1991 because when

and when I get home I will still be

I explain my problems they seem

stressed. I can’t sleep. Watching

like schizophrenia but they are not.

television or listening to music helps.

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest is a 1975 American drama directed by Miloš Forman, based on the 1962 novel by Ken Kesey.

To escape prison, McMurphy pleads insanity and is sent to a ward for the mentally unstable.

Once here, he both endures and stands witness to the abuse and degradation of the oppressive Nurse Ratched, who gains superiority and power through the flaws of the other inmates.

end. They live their lives there but they are isolated from society.

E: I personally can say from my experience as a patient that I

S: They are institutionalized

went in there voluntarily I have

there. The Chief for example has

not been sectioned even though

been there for many years. But

one doctor called me mad.

some people are there by choice.

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I never had schizophrenia before having tried these different tablets.

I started having hallucinations.

I asked them to change the medication because I could hear voices. I think I will have mental health problems for the rest of my life.

People give me funny looks because

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I want things to be over - just finished.

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But the end for me somehow - is not an end.

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I basically just went really down.

I went to my GP and said – I need

I say that because I thought

some help. And she was ready to write

it was. When I became a nurse I

down a prescription. But I said – I’m

thought I may have come out of

sorry. I don’t want them. I’ve had a lot

It is not a cut-off point.

this madness what I thought I was.

of experience with those. I want to talk

The start can be a place you

And then I became a psychiatric

to someone about how I am feeling.

went a point where bad things

nurse. I was incredulous!

I requested an analyst. That was

they associate me with Muslims

happened but that doesn’t

not very realistic. And she said – we

even though I am an Atheist. I worry

tend to happen in one day.

actually do not provide any of that.

a lot. It is just excessively worrying.

It is a build-up. I like the idea of

It happens every day. Coming to

that. We are obviously are starting

the art group helps. I can’t really

with the date 1714 when people could

talk about it with many people.

be locked up for being mad. But it didn’t end with community care.

A: Nowadays it is quite hard for someone to rock up at a psychiatric

What is the point of it all?

But I could have a mental health worker, so she came to my flat and we got talking about my art and

I somehow couldn’t believe what

my flat. And she asked me what

happened. I thought I left my past

I wanted. I just wanted a place

behind. I did my art degree, I left

of my own work to work on my

unit and be admitted. If you felt

okay to be mentally ill? Wasn’t it

nursing well behind. I was actually

art. So she brought me here.

that you needed to be in a hospital

more acceptable earlier in history

referred by a mental health worker to

it is quite hard to get in today.

within society? The term also

here because I came quite depressed

changed a lot. Your exhibition is

with things. They called it reactive

feeling that something has been

also exploring the changing term

depression at that point, I don’t

sent for you. And so was this.

from furiously mad to mentally ill.

know if they still call it that. My

B: Answers can be different.

Sometimes personally I want

N: Was there a start of it not being

things to be over just finished.

Or there is a pressure from various

Few times in life you get this

ex-wife died in Australia, the job I

But long-windingly making

really liked at that time went sour

the point: It is never over for me.

sources who say – oh you must be

experience - when I was ill, that was

with new managers and demands.

I can be bright and cheerful one

alright now. You can or you should do

obviously the start – then there was

And then I was really isolated

day and the next day something

this or that. And it is kind of overused

the middle with the treatment.

with my art and I was thinking:

will happen and I am down there

but for me it is still a journey.

E: From my own personal

What’s the point of it all?

again. It doesn’t really end for me.

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N: Do you see that as a negative thing that it doesn’t end?

E: No. When I say there is no ending, now I cope better with it. This field involves a funny terminology.

It’s hard to decide whether you are depressed or just down.

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E: I think people are more aware

mad were lumped in together

now. It should be like that, not

with vagrants wandering

just pushed under the carpet.

round in the countryside.

The authorities were worried about lots of people wandering

working class - they just couldn’t

again, for me, it is not the same for

understand it. I remember when they

a normal person to come out.

came to see me, my Mum said – you’ll be alright. We are going on holiday now

they realised not everyone was

and when we’re back we’ll come see you.

In a way there is a thread of a benevolent looking after people.

That sort of mentality.

And I thought I was going mad. No one had a clue.

depressed really. You are dysphoric.

You are not satisfied about things in your life.

But I do think it has changed a lot. People are becoming more aware

dangerous people up some just

also because there are more people

strongest person. But since I told them

want to escape from society.

in individual families becoming ill.

I can see it in their face, they just don’t

B: Language plays such a big part.

My friends thought I was the

look at me like that anymore. They But I also think one way society

A: I think it also matters that the

is going is that drug companies are

big municipal asylums closed down.

defining who is mentally ill, which

Before those municipal asylums,

doesn’t make it better for them.

It’s very hard deciding whether you are depressed or just down.

People accept it for them to be like that.

As much as we want to lock

Like dysphoria! Someone told me once – hang on, you are not

Like Stephen Fry. People accept it for them to be like that. But then

to control movement. But then

because they were furiously mad.

D: I also think it helps that big people came out with their illness.

When I told my family - very

from town to town. They wanted

wandering for economic reasons but

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N: I know there is no answer to

think I am … there is a stigma still.

B: Also at the workplace - I think

there were lots of privately run,

it is double edged. You can say

unregulated asylums that popped up

I’ve got depression, you can say I

here and there. In the mid 1980s the

am bipolar. But saying you’ve got

that but do you think that there

longstanding ambition to close those

schizophrenia, saying you have a

has always been that large number

institutions down was put into action.

personality disorder. That is different.

Also in the things we are researching

of people suffering from mental

about history of depression.

illness? Are we just more aware of

But there were thousands of people

it? Or did society make us more ill?

in those places. Most people are

funny or creative when you are

treated in the communities now.

bipolar. It is portrayed like that.

The first thing was a vagrancy act.

It took a long time to get there.

Also people expect you to be

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Just because someone is bipolar,

A: Like we were saying before

B: The Tom Robinson song

N: Do you think that it would be

you are not automatically a genius.

about nurse Ratched in One Flew

starts off with – this is dedicated

beneficial to stop calling depression

over the Cuckoo’s Nest. She could be

to patients being classified as 3.3.0.

a mental illness like it was for

characterized as a psychopath.

That was in the seventies.

gay people not being called ill?

It is the idea of the fine line between genius and madness.

That is a very old fashioned idea.

E: I will always remember what I am waiting to see, since Thatcher

a tutor told me – when you go on the

died, certain people coming out

ward I don’t want you to start being

posthumously declaring her bipolar.

judgmental. A lot of you in this room

That could have been an interactive game in the exhibition.

have skeletons in your cupboards.

It is like a whole pack of cards coming down.

When you go on the ward you will they are too clever for being in here.

There are a hell lot of crazy people

like Stalin, Hitler and all that!

They say they were creative but

treat it. That is complete relief.

But then for others the Someone really close to me got

It proves in a way that some people say we dropped it maybe

told they’ve got schizophrenia. That was a really hard blow to take.

the other things have to be

you would say to them – you need

reconsidered. It is like a whole

again because it explains what is

treatment. You would be very sorry

pack of cards coming down.

going on, they can take medication or

it is perfectly normal how they act.

E: Name creative psychopaths! A new game! All these big politicians

name for it and that they can finally

out there. Crazy as dogs! But if

for saying that because they think .

some people that they finally got a

diagnosis can create stigma.

never come across a psychopath because

A new game: Name creative psychopaths!

O: I think it can be a real relief for

I mean in the wards in the nineties

wards have equal ops training.

classification of Homosexuality being de-classified as a mental

they destroyed everything all

illness was an ending of the aversion

these people, because they could

treatments they gave to people,

manipulate. Like all these charming

even though it went on longer

managers manipulating now.

than that. It was de-classified in

see a therapist. And that all helped.

it was still pretty homophobic even though people working in the

O: I thought about how the DSM

Other people might be relieved

D: It depends on the individual.

If we were all exactly the same it would be so easy to treat everyone’s

O: I came across homophobia in institutions.

illness. But it is not easy as that.

Everyone is unique. You are never going to get two of the same.

N: Was that staff or patients?

A: Every mental condition is a

the DSM in 1973 and finally by the

O: It was staff.

kind of tick box exercise. What

World Health Organisation in 1992.

The patients were fine.

symptoms do you have and so on.

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Illustration by Simone Karl

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D: Oh, don’t get me started!

A: It is not like you can take a blood test. Certain people I

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It is almost back to the idea of

than there were 40 or 50 years

But that just pisses me off then

ago. Premenstrual tension now

because I got up in the middle of the

has a new psychiatric label.

night to get to work for 25 years.

Personally I think we can have and the one in four and the please

illnesses several times.

be nice to someone who spends a lot of money and cries a lot.

as schizophrenia in the beginning

the way people have to work towards

It can help but also restrict.

to understand those poor people.

We need to ask what is

workers! The dropout rate due to

wrong within society that

stress is incredible. It needs more than

is making us all so sick.

a whole page article in a newspaper.

You have to start somewhere though.

E: It starts with famous people though, like Alan Turing. When

I have been a butcher and now I am suicidal: You don’t want to seem me with a big knife.

D: All that time just sitting there thinking about all that horrid shit

I have no other qualification.

that happened in the past made

The only way to get out of this

the situation a whole lot worse.

They said, well – let’s get you back

all now is to get a job but then I say to them – what if I go to work

noticing but they also think

to work then. And I said – do you

and after two weeks I have a massive

– oh, if so and so has it, it can’t

want to see me with a big knife in my

breakdown. So, because I left the

be that bad after all, can it?

hand? I have been a butcher for

job, I will get sanctioned and will

the past 25 years and now I have

have no benefits for the next six

suicidal thoughts. You don’t want

months. It is so frustrating.

be a burden to carry around. It is the stigma you put upon yourself.

It is not enough to say we need

severe deadlines. Take your social

celebrities come out people start

one: the stigma it brings; and two:

factors in a political, economic or environmental situation.

You look at zero hour contracts,

For other people just that name can

B: The reason why some people suffer from mental illness is because of a raft of different

It is actually society.

It’s a moving situation.

B: A diagnosis can be a framework.

They go – well, can’t you think about doing something else.

can’t do this because I have that. all the anti-stigma campaigns

Look at Zero Hour contracts, the way people have to work towards severe deadlines.

The number of diagnoses increased

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with time. There is hundreds more

diagnosed with various different

and ended up as anxiety disorder.

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beginning and end. Thinking I

have worked with have been

You know, it might have started

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A: I think it is all coming back to the diagnosis, the label if you like. Look at the DSM.

to see me there with a big knife.

I waited three years to have a one to one psychotherapist session.

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It is just frustration. I went for a job about 12 months ago, in the

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As soon as I lied about it I got a job not long after.

application form they ask – did you have any mental illness? I have been

I: I filled in a medical questionnaire

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It came in about three, four years

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N: Do you think that you could

ago they introduced something

possibly help people or even society

previously called incapacity benefit.

with your insider knowledge about

You got a note from your doctor

the whole problem around mental

signing you off for a week or so.

illness via doing this exhibition?

honest about it. I butchered a full

and they put me in the work related

cow. They saw I can do it. The job

group. I don’t feel ready for work.

was supposed to start in January.

Sometimes I feel good for one or two

will make you fill in a questionnaire

weeks. But if they would force me

and you have to get interviewed by

go there with the expectation

to work that would not go well.

one big, private company called ATOS.

to learn something. So, yes,

It matters because the target of these

it is an opportunity.

Never tell the truth. Don’t tell them you had mental health problems.

A: They give you a medical test every so many months to see if you are fit for work.

However, in the case of my wife they told her – you are too ill we know you are not fit but we will put

I got in and all they gave me was a

you in the back to work program.

It was too easy for them. Now they B: If you go into a museum you

people is us not receiving benefits.

We show some of the history

It is purely for physical illness.

of mental illness show how it has

But the tests are not suitable for

progressed. Maybe we will get two

mental health problems. People

people to realize. That would be good.

in danger of committing suicide were sent back to work.

Someone had a heart attack

But I don’t see it as I went out on a Crusade.

due to stress and mental health

safety knife for opening boxes. I can

That is how they make more

problems because of them

Especially because it is in the

see people looking at me thinking I

money. They will never put you

not acting professionally.

People’s History Museum, it might

will stab them in the back the next

in the group retirement group. It

minute. Because I told you I have

is a bad cycle for people suffering

anxiety you think I am a lunatic.

from stress and anxiety.

E: I was told by a social worker,

be seen by people who have never A: The more severe the illness

dealt with the subject. It is all tidied

of the person they get back into

up neatly in a box and someone

work the bigger is their bonus

else is dealing with it for you.

B: I think they just do it to cut

the company gets. The initial idea

because of my drug abuse, that I

numbers down. The unemployment

was that these people are not left

museum and maybe putting up

will never get a job: Never tell the

numbers would be much higher.

on the side. Now they are trying

some of the complications and

to force you back into work.

the complicated history as well

truth. Don’t fill in the forms telling them you had mental health problems.

But bringing it into this

throws it in a more social realm.

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The story that we are telling

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B: It is concerning how the

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They want everyone to take steps

as individuals and also the law

I was a psychiatric nurse and I

drug companies have extended

to provide good mental health for

related history of the struggle

honestly did not know what was

to children and teenagers.

themselves. But that forgets people

of people with mental illness is

supposed to be wrong with them.

They are extending the definitions.

who need safe space, someone to

Sometimes I am in a certain condition

talk to at times - but that is an

are trying to change something.

to visit it was over. Obviously

where I need help. A shortcut is

expensive treatment option.

There is more to it than to telling

this doesn’t work for all the

those drugs. Yes, there are different

the history of a physical diagnosis.

illnesses but anxiety for example

definitions of normal but there are

and depression they might be an

cases of people who really need help.

pushing against boundaries. We

D: Have we always been mad and who decides?

But as soon as the families came

escape to get away from the crazy families. They can’t handle it.

D: You sometimes just need someone to talk to. After it building

E: There’s no such thing as normality but that is my

A: There is a film about as well from 1971, Family Life, that is about that.

up. It has to come out in some way maybe mental illness. Society creates

personal opinion. They all think they are normal.

up, and building up, and building

E: A lot of it is the families

this. I am going round in circles.

Pool Arts’ upcoming exhibition reveals the legislative history relating to the treatment of people described as ‘Furiously Mad’ in a legal document in 1714 – through to the more recent treatment of the ‘mentally ill’.

themselves. The children N: The more you try to be normal the more you become ill?

sometimes react on the things that happen in the family In that case not Ritalin but family

E: Yes, in a way. The real mad people are not in an institution.

Family Life is a 1971 British drama directed by Ken Loach. It is a remake of The Wednesday Play In Two Minds by David Mercer and directed by Loach, transmitted by the BBC in March 1967.

therapy is the answer. There is always an exception to it though.

B: It is also a dangerous benevolence to it. Wanting to make people be safe, but it is really hard right now to find help when you are in a crisis.

Pool Arts have been researching both mental health law and policy, whilst also developing their own personal responses to the subject.

The emphasis now is not about mental illness but about mental

Find more information online at

health in the whole population.

poolarts.org and phm.org.uk

A teenager receives agressive psychiatric treatments by a doctor who wants her family to insure the guard of the child without regards to the facts that it is the family agravating her situation.

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Awash words

james

photography

joe

bell

rudko

The Bursting Yellows trickle, fill the bottom of my unholy cup.

Mix with seeds until drips, nectaresque, beside moustache threads.

The Veins Redden mapping frameworks to layered eyes, souls, and all in between.

Rivers from streams with accumulated crumbs.

The Fading Blues veiled our months.

Spiritualised now, stomach churns until tepid fears dissolve and circular logic recedes.

And Midnight Blacks hem as I regenerate.

Now colourless calls a choir.

What was it you said about being born again?

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Depressed? dialogue

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T

his is a transcribed recording of the first conversation I had with my doctor about my depression.

I’ve been - if I’m being honest -

toumazou

melih

dönmezer

My doctor was not aware I was recording the conversation.

And I wasn’t fully acting upon them

quite depressed lately and last year

when I was trying to commit suicide

... I tried committing suicide.

but it was like a failed attempt.

Well, that is quite depressed.

What happened? Did someone find you?

I don’t really know how to talk

No, I just took an overdose of pills

about it. I got in a state last week

basically. I realised I didn’t really

were I was just really depressed.

want to do it - to die. So I stuck my

I have suicidal thoughts quite a bit but I’ve never

fingers down my throat and drank some salty water to get it out.

really acted upon them ...

You never saw anyone about it?

Mmm …

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But I wouldn’t jump the gun to that

If you describe this »could I

Also you can just go to A&E if you’re

now, I’ve always been quite depressed

extent. What we need to do is put into

be bipolar« thing to them, they

feeling suicidal, or ring the Samaritans.

but, after I get out of the depressive

place some help for the depression

have a psychiatrist who visits who

stage - I’ll just forget about it.

and also know what to do when you’re

could make that assessment.

No. The thing is, through sixteen till

having these suicidal thoughts, okay?

I know, but it’s not really like that. You don’t want to seek help when you’re feeling suicidal.

I don’t want to se l f- d iag nose myself.

Yeah, but you know if you got to the point where you took the tablets last time - you need to know something else you can do instead if you’re going to reach that point again; even if it’s only ringing your Mum ...

I have these kind of fluctuations and - without sounding like a hypochondriac - looking at my

I don’t really have that kind of

Mum, she can be quite a lot like

relationship with my Mum.

me. She’ll be excited and quite ecstatic, then very depressive - just like an extreme version of me.

I feel I have no control.

I’ve looked into bipolar disorder.

Reading up on it and researching: It does seem a bit like my That would almost certainly be faster

Mum might have it. I know it’s hereditary. But I don’t want

Yeah.

than trying to refer you through the NHS.

Anything that takes you away from

But for starters I would go to student

that point of acting upon those thoughts

As a fundamental thing, we need

counselling. Give them a ring, see when

and taking the tablets again or doing

to go to student counselling. They

they can book you in – they actually have

something equally awful. You can’t

are quite good at sending you a quick

drop in sessions between one and two if

guarantee you’ll have the revelation that

appointment for an assessment.

you are feeling particularly distressed.

suicide isn’t the right decision in time.

to self-diagnose myself.

Bipolar disorder is a diagnosis that will only be made by a psychiatrist.

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It’s not that, it’s just I feel I have

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pleasure in doing things?

no control over my emotions.

My mood changes dramatically

More than half.

within a month, sometimes a week, or even just a day …

Little pleasure in doing things?

Feeling down, depressed or hopeless?

More than half.

Trouble falling asleep, or staying asleep, or sleeping too much?

Yeah.

Nearly every day.

But it’s not slightly depressed,

That’s what almost every student says.

I get completely depressed.

Feeling tired or having little energy?

I’ll shut myself off.

Nearly every day.

Well this is a questionnaire which pertains to depression. Let’s

Poor appetite or overeating?

see what you get on this, okay?

It’s just asking about in the

Nearly every day.

past two weeks, because it wants a snapshot, so that we can compare next time we talk about it.

Feeling bad about yourself, that you’re a failure, that you’ve let yourself and others down?

Yeah.

More than half.

In the last two weeks, how often have you had little or no

Trouble concentrating on light entertainment, people or TV? Several days.

I think your speech and movement is normal although you are a bit fidgety, Thoughts that you’d be better

We need to get you assessed by student counselling.

Thoughts that you’d be better off dead?

off dead or hurting yourself?

Nearly every day.

If you are bipolar, and I give you an anti-depressant because you’re

Ohh, then it’s not good, is it?

depressed at the moment, it could make things infinitely worse. You

No.

need to get that assessment done.

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Give student counselling a ring and if you’re having suicidal

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Well I’d rather not have any though, I don’t really want anti-depressants.

thoughts talk to someone, be at drop in sessions. Or the Samaritans or A&, talking to anybody rather than acting on those thoughts basically.

Sure, sure. It’s one to think about isn’t it.

But our main concern is to get you assessed.

Yeah.

Okay.

Once you’ve been properly assessed we can look at the next way forward in terms of treatment. If the assessment

You get that done and I’ll expect to be seeing you again. Haha.

provides evidence of you being Bipolar, then it will probably involve referral

Ha, yeah ...

into the mental health services. If you’re not then we’ll come up with a

Alright, is that okay?

management plan as an alternative.

Yeah, thank you for that. ● Yeah.

Bearing in mind that your mood is so up and down, it is the wrong decision to just start you on an anti-depressant.

Lewis transcribed this conversation into a small booklet which was then distributed in establishments like pubs, a builders cafe, a barber shop, a betting shop, an adult book shop and homeless areas.

With his project Lewis hopes to reach out to people who were depressed in secret but also raise awareness of the subject. lewistoumazou@hotmail.com

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Three Beginnings curlew

river

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Curlew River Our Girl stands in the Curlew words

robert

photography

B

e what you would seem to be or if you’d like it put more simply: Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what

leeming

lara

shipley

you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise. ★ Lewis Carroll

Our Girl wonders, mid

River while the great grid of power

sentence and concludes, »this

station metal hums in front of

morning.« Smiling. Satisfied.

her. Shivering, she stares at the grid, the cooling towers and that

»Rickshaws, dearie?« Lady

whole shiny rhinestone scene

Marzipan says, her voice all reedy

they’ve got cooking over there.

and rattly from her smokes.

The grid, that buzzing electric grid, that’s her life, see?

Look, that’s Stevie, up there. She loved Stevie. Poor old Stevie.

»Never seen a rickshaw in me life, despite me breeding,« KimonoMan cuts in, boasting a hoity-toity accent now, a put on, his long yellow nails tapping the bark of the weeping

»I know you,« Our Girl

willow tree he leans against.

whispers, breaking her trance when the two arrive. »You’re from the Mystery Plays at the Hornerby Assizes, I saw your tents being packed into rickshaws,« she pauses, »when?« Out of the woods they come, crunching their way across the shale in newspaper shoes, him wearing a Japanese kimono and her, all bones and marzipan, spitting out orange pits at right angles as she walks.

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»There was lots of confetti swirling

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rippling in the Middle Eastern breeze,

about,« adds KimonoMan, »a right

sun glinting off the top of the Dome

ribald scene if ever there was one, I

of the Rock, catching Our Girl right in

doubt you could have picked us out.«

the eye, blinding her, momentarily.

A slap for KimonoMan, right across the chops, for giving the game away.

»Relax and let your arms dangle when you reach the lower portion of the swing, and if your fingers graze the ground, don’t

»Remember hitching a ride on the

you worry, just move with the mill.«

sails of the Montefiore Windmill, Dora, in the snow?« KimonoMan asks,

Drumroll, he performs a

edging the subject away from his

summersault, vaudeville

increasingly haphazard memory.

style, to much applause.

»You’ve got to keep the sail

Confetti. Flowers. Curtain.

tight between your legs.« KimonoMan pops his head

Vau de v i l le style, to much applause.

around the red velvet. Lordy, Lordy, an encore, tonight of all nights!

The pit band break into After You’ve Gone and KimonoMan waddles, Chaplin style, bamboo cane a-swinging, towards a revolving Billy

He demonstrates, with an

Brownie Garden blackboard and bows.

imaginary windmill sail, suddenly real, it’s cream canvas material

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»Vault forwards on the upward curve if you want to make it to the top again,« he says, as he slaps the blackboard

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To the left, well, to the left, we all look a little to the left.

Even Herself gets out of the Curlew

with the bamboo cane, like Monty

River to take a little look to her left.

outlining the conclusion of a mission.

My God, an illusion! These people can do that. Just cover your eyes, Lady,

»It’s worth it, if you want to see all Jerusalem in an eyeful.«

Step out of your river.

Lady Marzipan interrupts,

look away, and they’ll be sneaky peteing along before you even know it. »De dum-­de-­dum-­de-­diddlydum,« KimonoMan sings, making out a melody for his song on a Den-den daiko. »The trees were chewing peppermint

hectoring Our Girl now, meanly,

gum,« Lady Marzipan answers,

clearing the still confetti-­laden

vamping. »Down by the towers

air with a waft of her hand.

and down on the shale, they hung him up on two penny nails!«

»Our lives are made of natural light, not electricity,« she says, lurching a

On the tree trunk bark Our Girl taps

hunched shoulder in the direction

out a rhythm to accompany their song,

of the river facing station.

but she’s wearing silver thimbles on every finger, golden rings on every toe.

»Your man made power is doing you

Her rhythm, you see, only counts if

down, you need to step out of your

she’s connected and she’s not part of

river and look a little to the left.«

their ecosystem, she’s not even close. ●

Three - Beginnings Lara Shipley

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Cosmology words

ramon

illustration

I was a child I caught a fleeting W hen glimpse. Out of the corner of my eye.

I turned to look but it was gone.

joe

marquès

whitmore

I cannot put my finger on it now.

The child is grown, the dream is gone.

And I have become comfortably numb. ★ Pink Floyd

Abstract This article presents a Cosmology

Introduction It is as a philosopher that I have

that introduces such novelties as

put together this Cosmology,

considering the Higgs Field, or

after many years of what I view as

Expanding Vibratory Space, as the

solving a multidimensional and

engine of the Universe, the engine

multidisciplinary crossword puzzle.

that provides kinetic energy to all of the particles’ movements.

This Cosmology has proven fruitful in expounding the existence of an

This perfectly explains the effects

expanding vibratory space and of the

attributed to dark energy, likely to

braking effect, and I believe that other

dark matter. As explains the mass,

questions of similar importance will

the gravitation and the inertia.

have to be considered soon as well.

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Expanding Vibratory Space

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From celestial bodies to the atom, the particle, or strings, my

My calling to understand what lies behind matter drove me to study it

understanding is that movements do not occur just because.

from a multidisciplinary perspective This Cosmology is composed of three fundamental pieces: Expanding Vibratory Space Braking Effect Pure Field But before we describe these, let us start from the beginning. How did the Universe begin? I do not find it logical nor necessary for the Universe to have started at a point of infinite density.

It could well have been the result of two universes colliding, one of matter and one of antimatter.

This would explain the heat needed for the formation of Hydrogen and Helium, also necessary for the cosmic microwave background radiation, and it would explain the particle-antiparticle pairs that travel through the vacuum.

Our Universe would be the leftover matter from that initial collision.

many years ago, and I soon understood

Why do particles move? Why

the need for an expanding vibratory

mass? Why gravity? Why inertia?

space in order to explain the ubiquity

Why do galaxies accelerate?

of movements, both at the subatomic level and at the sidereal level.

The movement of particles, I believe this is clear, needs a moving cause - the

It didn’t seem to me that the law of

expanding vibratory space - and I do

inertia, or appealing to the inner force

not consider the big-bang effect, with

of energy, was sufficient to explain the

its subsequent inertia, to be sufficient,

whole host of movements in Nature,

taking into account that particles find so

and I thought that the expanding

many obstacles along the way yet their

vibratory space was necessary as the

movement or vibration does not stop.

engine of the Universe, as a key and foremost piece of this Cosmology.

The Higgs boson will be able to show us with more detail how this occurs.

Dark energy, Higgs Field, Expanding

To explain mass, gravity and inertia,

Vibratory Space. I think they are the

and their expansion and acceleration,

same but from different points of view.

let us delve into the braking effect.

The expanding vibratory space must possess the sum of properties that dark energy and the Higgs space are presumed to have, and, as we will see below, it turns out to be this way.

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Three - Beginnings Hubble Telescope

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The Braking Effect

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My understanding of the facts is that this kinetic energy, rotatory,

The braking effect is the

maybe in spiral, is the one producing

interaction between the expanding

the braking effect when interacting

vibratory space, call it Higgs field

with the expanding vibratory space’s

if you will, and the particle.

(or Higgs field’s) kinetic energy.

And all that, without failing to

This expanding vibratory space

take into account another force

or Higgs field, when in contact with

perpendicular to that one, and which

the particle, goes from virtual to

impels the particle to translation.

real, and produces enough kinetic energy to produce the braking effect.

This interaction causes the particle to decrease its speed — it ceases to travel at the speed of light,

And this braking effect is the miracle of Nature that materializes

deforms space and creates gravity, mass and inertia. Let us see.

particles: it decreases their speed, deforms space, and provides them with mass, gravity and inertia.

The decrease in speed and the deformation of space are obvious effects common to braking; as

How does all this happen?

are the creation of gravity, mass and inertia, although they are

The vibratory complex common

not as easy to understand.

to the particle possesses both a rotary effect and interactive forces

Gravity is a direct effect of

which, in their most genuine

the action of braking. Braking

sense, are kinetic energy.

is a continuous force that opposes the particle’s translation force, also continuous.

This braking is the decelerating

In fact, we may understand this

effect that keeps us glued to the

certain equivalence as a sum of

ground in the same way that the

the braking effect’s consequences:

water-skier pulled by a motorboat

braking and rotatory motion of the

stays glued to the water.

interactive forces, together with gravity and inertia, materialize

Einstein considered gravity the

the particle; and let us not forget

consequence of an acceleration, and

about the kinetic energy of

we can consider braking a negative

translation. Mass is all of this.

acceleration. The continuous force of the braking effect explains the

Inertia also presents a certain

characteristic attraction of gravity,

equivalence with gravity and with

which attracts with a uniformly

mass. My understanding is that, with

accelerated motion. And it explains

the braking effect, we find ourselves

its relationship with the rest of

before a gravitational-inertial-mass

interactive forces that determine a

weave, and in order to modify its

rotatory motion in the particles.

state of rest or motion it is necessary to overcome the gravitational force.

As we know, mass has a certain equivalence with gravity.

This is another consequence of the braking effect.

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Enigmatic Dark Energy and Dark Matter

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Out of the two forces —braking and translation — the latter prevails, which ultimately results in a Universe

What has been presented as

with accelerated expansion.

enigmatic dark energy becomes very clear in my Cosmology.

In a similar way we can understand dark matter: the forces that determine

It is not necessary to appeal

the gravitational braking may vary

to a new energy: the expanding

and should be reviewed according to

vibratory space or Higgs field

the pressure and distance. It is easily

explains everything.

understandable that in the centers of galaxies, for example, these forces are

The particles that travel through

increased by pressure, which simulate

it do so by being transported by

the dark matter halo. Or when the

the kinetic energy that Higgs

translational force is increased

bosons confer upon them.

by the distance simultaneously increase the braking effect.

That is, these bosons confer two types of perpendicular forces, one for the braking effect and another one for the translation of the particle.

And the energy of translation acts with a continuous force, in a way that it confers on the particle a uniformly accelerated motion, with the speed of light as its limit, because it is the expansion speed of the aforementioned space or field.

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The Pure Field

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Vibration, indeed, does not allow to communicate faster than the speed

What lies behind the expanding

of light. As a possible hypothesis the

vibratory space? Everything that

pure field can act on the particles

moves has a moving cause; the law

through the vibratory strings.

stated by Aristotle stays current. It is

In this pure or primordial field,

thanks to Alain Aspect’s experiment

distance and time do not exist:

that we are allowed to discern behind

the present is continuous.

the movements of the expanding vibratory space or Higgs field.

The pure field does not only offer a magical basis for the

Quantum Physics presumed it

Cosmos, but also comes to solve

and Alain Aspect’s experiment

our problems with Metaphysics.

confirmed it: two particles that

It becomes an explanation for

remain intertwined when they

conscience, for those of us who are

separate can communicate instantly.

convinced that neurons are not

Alain Aspect proved as much in an

enough to explain consciousness.

experiment with intertwined photons:

This is where we could place God

by measuring their polarization we

or the Intelligence of the Cosmos,

know that, if they separate, they

and the whole of Metaphysics:

communicate instantly regardless

nothing less than all of that.

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Ramon Marquès has also written two books about the Cosmology: Descubrimientos estelares de la Física Cuántica (Stellar discoveries in Quantum Physics), by Ediciones Indigo (Barcelona, 2004), and Nueva Cosmología. Un giro copernicano (New Cosmology. A Copernican twist), by Ediciones Indigo (Barcelona, 2008).

In May 2005 Ramon gave a presentation on the Cosmology at an international conference on Physics in Mexico, on the occasion of Einstein Year, and in September of 2006 in Mallorca, organized by SEGRE (Sociedad Española de la Gravitación y Relatividad; Spanish Gravitation and Relativity Society).

of the distance between them.

It even allows us to shed some light My understanding is that this

on futurology—which otherwise

allows us to presume a state that

seems impossible—in this continuous

lies beyond vibration, which I

present, and it also sheds some

call pure or primordial field.

light on comprehending intuition in its most genuine dimension. ●

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Cosmology

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Three - Beginnings

Carlota Gonzalez-Miguez

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Fly When Fly died they cut through words

david

hartley

illustration

I

caught myself grinning, properly grinning, for the first time since forever.

tosh

She gathered up the pens and

the walls and pulled me out, back to

stuffed them in her pockets. I didn’t

Limb. She was acting weird, they said,

dare argue and shot a look to the

she’s yours, they said, we don’t usually

Admins to say they shouldn’t either.

get these, they said, take her with you.

Fly was crouched in the corner, rocking, trying to cry. In front of her lay the pens and pencils of Limb; pilfered from desks, begged for, screamed for, then neatly lined up in a size-order curve. Like a

They were already slicing the way back to my realm.

barricade, I’d always thought, like half a chalk circle, a line the bad guys couldn’t cross.

They were already slicing the way back to my realm; eyes averted, patient smiles, keen to

She calmed down when she

get us the hell out of there.

realised it was me, big brother.

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»Good to see you, Fly,« I said, with all the right tones.

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I let her buzz around the room; the lazy zigzag circles that earned her the nickname. The statement was

»Buzz buzz,« she said, soothed.

not directed at me; it was part of the process, part of the figuring out.

When I died, my ghost bones resetting, the silvered sheen of

I let myself, just for that moment

Limb shifting through my iris, I

and for no longer, wonder how she

grasped onto the one good thing

died. Whether it was painful or quick,

about passing away. At least I

her own fault or no-ones fault.

wouldn’t have to look after Fly. And I thought about Mum That was my silver lining; that’s what I clung onto.

A responsibility dodged.

and Dad, indulged in that for a blink, wondered if they were still alive, out there somewhere, arranging another funeral.

»I don’t know what to do.«

Then I shut it all out of my mind.

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Fly

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The distant past, another life,

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I caught myself grinning, properly

another realm, irrelevant. Fly stopped

grinning, for the first time since

her buzzing, turned away from me.

forever. But when night did fall,

Now the question was asked,

nous

we had our jobs to do. Worried

not with words but with

Admins spliced peepholes from

her stance, her waiting.

Limb, which didn’t help with my own nerves. But I had a plan.

‘I’ll show you what to do,’ I said. »Fly, would you like to do Together we watched the Wilson

some colouring-in?«

family go about their daily lives.

Fly found it hardest to grasp that

She froze, her eyes diagonal-right,

she couldn’t be seen or heard, her calls

her brow furrowed as she processed

of »Hello, what’s your name?« falling

every tiny implication of my question.

defiantly unanswered. She needed time in the pencil corner to cool that one off, but she got there eventually.

She soon found out that she could pick up and throw things around

Would you like to do some colouring-in?

without recrimination and that kept her busy until nightfall.

She took the ghosts of books and arranged them in colour

»Hard or easy?« »Easy,« I said, knowing that was the only possible response.

order, she pressed the spirit of every button, hummed with the

We started with Ted, the

microwave, hissed at static. She

father, because he was always

soon unnoticed the Wilsons.

the heaviest sleeper.

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Fly

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I dropped the sheen over his

105

about his skiing trip and it had made

to do the same to his right. She

Ted jealous. So I drew a sandcastle,

was very careful, very gentle.

a deck chair, a holiday brochure.

»We are going to draw his

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Today Ted’s boss had told him all

left eyelid and showed Fly how

dreams,« I said, and a flutter of

nous

»Please draw a boat, Fly.« Ted loves fishing.

panic passed through Fly. I called up the stylus before she could react. The instrument stilled her, an automatic hand reach out to claim it. I let her take it and called up another for myself. »This is very easy Fly, all you need

It wasn't going to always be that easy. But it was a damn good start.

to do is put the pencil into his ear and She shoved her stylus in and giggled while she sketched out

left ear and the nib appeared

triangle sails, a rectangle deck,

behind the eyelid sheen. I referred,

and big, smiling, circle sun.

Fly was crouched in the corner, buzzing out a story to

startle behind every bleary eye.

her fingers, telling them their dreams perhaps. She’d been in

I watched as they gathered for

a happy mood last night.

breakfast; the teens rising with

It wasn’t going to always be that

their parents, everyone eager to

easy. But it was a damn good start.

grasp and relate the colours of their dreams. By afternoon, giddy

I will tell you what to draw. Watch.« I slipped my stylus into Ted’s

The next morning the Wilsons woke to a Saturday, a slight, muted

»Good to see you, Fly,« I said.

holiday plans were forming. »Buzz buzz,« she said, My grin would not relent.

without looking up. ●

quickly, to my mental notes.

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Fly

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Melih Dรถnmezer

TIME’S TIDE WILL SMOTHER YOU

www.nous-magazine.de

from That Joke Isn’t Funny Anymore by the Smiths