for
modern
mindculture
nous
and
empathatic
magazine
thinking
three
The Renaissance Issue beg innings, endings and the inbetween
spring 2014
team
trident
press
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3
nous
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renaissance
Melih Dรถnmezer
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Editorial & Art Direction Lisa Lorenz Words Angus Stewart Emily Godden Jake Duff James Bell Lewis Toumazou Ramon Marquès Robert Leeming Photography Alberto Feijóo albertofeijoo.com Lara Shipley larashipley.com Melih Dönmezer Todd Danforth toddjdanforth.com Illustration Chloé Poizat chloepoizat.com chloe-poizat-illustration. tumblr.com Freda Meier fredameier.de Joe Rudko joerudko.com Joe Whitmore jwhitmoo.com Michael Weninger michaelweninger.de Simone Karl simonekarl.com Tosh nataschahohmann.de
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Watch
Risograph
Marc the Printers marctheprinters.co.uk
One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest Miloš Forman, 1975 Family Life Ken Loach, 1971 Park Avenue Aparna Sen, 2005
Fonts
Gratitude
Arek by Khajag Apelian Mangal by Raghunath Joshi
to Pool Arts; all our friends and loved ones for the mental support; our crowd-funders, post-production helpers, all writers, illustrators, photographers, and you, dear reader
Tracklist of the Renaissance Issue Money Letter to Yesterday Max Prosa Mein Kind Blumfeld Ich - wie es wirklich war Melodium The Dark Home Siskiyou Hold It In The Smiths That Joke Isn’t Funny Anymore die Heiterkeit Tausend Tropfen Regen Peter Licht Wir Sollten Uns Halten
Albert Camus The Outsider
words
the
national
demons
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Read
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Do not know What’s wrong with me Sours in the cup When I walk into the room I do not light it up
Paper
magazine
Danke.
Edition / 500
for Kate
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Content existance
-
Cover
6
Chloé Poizat
Impressum
Inner Cover
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Melih Dönmezer
Editorial
well, what does it matter.
i exist on the best terms i can.
the past is now part of my future. the present is well out of hand.
-
curtis
Endings
Inbetween
Beginnings
12
26
34
52
70
90
I just destroyed
Portrait of a Family
It
Awash
Curlew River
Fly
the World
Todd Danforth
Emily Godden
James Bell
Robert Leeming
David Hartley
Freda Meier
Tosh
Laura Shipley
Tosh
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76
16
Furiously Mad
Depressed?
Cosmology
The Gospel of Judas
Pool Arts
Lewis Toumazou
Ramon Marquès
Jake Duff
Simone Karl
Melih Dönmezer
Angus Stewart Alberto Feijóo
Michael Weninger
content
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Editorial beginnings, endings
and everything inbetween
Welcome to
Throughout our
The words and
Photographer
We recorded a
We live longer,
the third issue of
journey to here
images you are
Todd Danforth from
meeting with an
faster, more extreme
nous magazine.
in the fairly fresh
about to read will
Massachusetts is
artists’ group based
lives - but why are we
year we met some
talk to you about
taking us to visit
in Manchester
not happier as well?
Renaissance Issue
extraordinary
many topics linked
his family coping
discussing the history
we made the first
people: poets,
in with mysterious
with a great loss.
of mental illness
step of continuing
parents, friends who
renaissance.
the magazine after
inspired us to focus
By introducing
leaving university
this ever-spinning
three chapters, we
from Turkey will
and simulatiously
wheel of life.
will guide you in
show us his own
entering the
a ring through the
world of undentity
infamous real world
three stages end,
and non-space.
with real jobs and
beginning, and void
real problems.
in the middle.
With the
Melih DĂśnmezer
All the best to you,
and the future of
for believing in the
our society dealing
chance of future,
with this issue.
past and inbetween.
Yours truely
editorial
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w h at
we is
call often
renaissance
the the
beginning end
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One Endings i
just the
destroyed gospel
portrait
of
the
world
of
judas
a
fa m i ly
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I just destroyed the World words
angus
photography
stewart
alberto
T
hat was when everything shook. My whole being went tense and I tightened my grip on the gun.
I found out that it’s a boy
feijóo
I realized I just destroyed the balance of the day and the perfect silence of the beach where I’d been happy. ★ Camus
The on-call doctor said that there
today. The news sunk in over
won’t be enough strength left in
cold coffee stood at the balcony
my body for a second childbirth.
door, looking out through dry
So this is it– the end of the line.
glass into the afternoon. There’s no way down from here.
I’d known all along of course,
It’s cold out and I can’t face putting
that as I push my boy out an entire
on my warmest blacks any more.
world is going fold away in front
They feel as if they belong to
of him. Making him will take
someone else. Someone long gone.
my everything away from me.
The gift only passes on through girls you see, and I’m the very last.
If my dreams have told me the truth then we’ll have ten years together at the top of this tower block before the winter comes in and I wither away and die. One - Endings
I just destroyed the World
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At a rough guess I think it will also take ten years for the
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I’m going take my everything and put it back into my son.
last traces of magic to leave the world for good. Gone forever like
I’m going to make every pang of guilt and memory
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Winter will pass. Then I’m going to give my son the summer.
feel like something good. I take a second coffee and
a breath in slow wind. My boy
go back to the window. The
will never even feel it happen.
clock ticks past three and I
Will it be enough? I can only hope.
wish I’d found my slippers. This I can scarcely imagine: all my life I’ve felt the warmth of the
I tell myself I need to believe.
power and the glimmer orbiting
I need to believe that a world
my body. Year by year I’ve felt the
with only ordinary mortals
warmth grow closer and lesser as all
left in it can be a world worth
the others died away, and I’d grown
living in– because after all,
fond of the pitigful dregs that I am
didn’t I walk among them?
left with ... clinging to me like the black rags that used to be a dress.
Didn’t I love those men, walk the corridors of their homestead,
Still, I am not ready for the end. I’ll need those ten
eat their bread, and share their intention? Wasn’t I one of them?
years after the birth. I can’t remember the face of my It’s hard not to be frightened. The
boy’s father. Call it slow gestation.
ten years are going to hurt. All the meaning left in my body will pour
The world needs a renaisannce.
out the gaps. In the face of this I’ve tried to think like a utilitarian.
Albert Camus said that autumn is a second spring when every
I tell myself all I can do is embrace the decline.
leaf is a flower. I’m going to make those ten final years my autumn. One - Endings
I just destroyed the World
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The Gospel of Judas words
illustration
jake
duff
michael
is often only possible if A beginning we deal with our past. Bodies in
cupboards have to be revealed. Sins - if something like this exists - admitted and people we love looked in the eye.
weninger
Uncover ourselves. And it hurts. It takes courage to admit and it takes courage to understand. Sometimes it feels like entering a dark land. Now, let us meet our Judas.
i Coptic pottery and bones scattered, the discoverer is found with his tongue cut out. He who is to be forever eaten. One - Endings
The Gospel of Judas
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ii He who they call merchant and traitor, who speaks through echoes and clouds of dirty smoke. The book, a breath of dust, without a point of gravity inhaled and choked on time over. Gnostics speak unthinking and clear, seperate us from ourselves and into three. Leaving us wingless and reaching upwards behind.
Four like the points of a compass wrapped in linen and touched to flame. White smoke coiled upwards and ash in tiny piles inhaled she held a shaking hand over my eyes. I cut her hair and smoked it like a cigarette veins carried it along like a basket along the Nile. Picked up and cradled, my throat burns in song.
iii a rosecloud over Jerusalem like an incense signal we all fall joyous to our knees and watch helpless as others ascend, we wait our turn growing anxious did we not live a righteous life?
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The Gospel of Judas
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iv kissed his forehead and whispered close into his ear, how he understood better than the rest.
v Then they dug his wrists deep like a tomb they hoist him where a tree might once have stood had it bore fruit. Bread he broke and passed now where we come and mourn the siege.
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viii
A passion play, a floor streaked with blood where bodies are dragged away and buried in stone.
You will be replaced that the 12 might know G-d where you shall know me so close as to become indistinguishable.
He appeared to us a child unclothed and able to see only that which was before him, they gather and sit solemn in murmured prayer as he laughs and hides his face. "He who did create was not worth our prayers" this he says stood seconds from where one day we would fall to worship.
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When will the great day of light dawn for us? He looked up at the stars and back down at an empty street before he understood. He saw himself blind and weeping, naked and unable to swallow as others around him groped and kissed "and they have planted trees without fruit, in my name, in a shameful manner".
We must be buried first in sand before soil and eventually paper. ix We would gather upon steps and agree that he must die as to escape his unholy body. As heretics they burn, stepping forward not as martyrs defiant and proud but with chains bared and begging.
That is the G-d you serve, invisible is he who mourns my name at the altar. The G-d you serve is the meat you eat, the wine you drink and those with which you lie. One - Endings
The Gospel of Judas
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x They will fornicate in my name, plant and water dead wood. Another man will stand there, and another from the slaying of children it is impossible to sow seed on rock and harvest its fruit, they said. No thought of the heart has ever called it by name, nor spoken since Christ with a shadow cast where plants might wither and blacken. Judas whispered, suspended like fruit from a tree and knew peace.
One - Endings
The Gospel of Judas
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Portrait of a Family by
todd
T
hese family portraits tell the photographic journey that I began in pursuit to understand the emotional struggles that bond my family together. After my Grandmother’s passing in 2004, my Grandfather became the patriarch
danforth
of the family; but more importantly he was the aging bond that weaved my family’s legacy. As time has it, nothing lasts forever- his illness worsened, his memory faded, and as I ushered a final farewell to my last semester of college, my Grandfather took his final breath.
I sat on the hospital bed beside my
Will I have his wrinkles too, I
grandfather and watched as he took
thought? His head full of white
his dying breaths. Aunt Beth walked
hair, not a bald spot to be found.
into the room and quietly sat next
And then I began to wonder about
to me. She glanced at her father for
our non-physical characteristics
a moment and then back to me.
and the similarities my aunts and uncles share with my grandparents.
»Life is funny, huh?« she said.
I began to think about his memories and accomplishments
I looked at her and then back to my grandfather. His cheeks were
and what value those hold now that he remains helpless.
no longer full and his body almost lifeless. A machine beside his
Who will continue this legacy
recliner supplied oxygen to his lungs
he began? Who will tell his story
and I could not help but imagine
after he goes, because afterall, we
myself at age seventy-eight.
are the only ones who can. ●
One - Endings
Portrait of a Family
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You call everyday if there is anything new, so I know you are worried. about me. Annie, When I pass, and leave this world, just take comfort knowing that at least I am at peace, body and soul. My mind, most of all, needs rest. It was never that stable since my teenage years. Your mother can tell you all about that, but I wish she wouldn’t. I told her everything about my life. If I had my life to live over again, I think I would have left my past behind me, like she did, and not told her anything. Most everything I used to enjoy, (loved) I can’t do anymore. Like going to see the family in Vermont and New Hampshire and I always wanted to go to Chauncey and Aggie’s house in Maine, but was not up to it. My body won’t allow me to go hunting anymore and that was what I enjoyed most for over thirty years (second to having kids). I can’t cut and split wood anymore, ant that is something else I always enjoyed doing. The garden was also a big part of my life. So when the time comes, after all the tears and grief, just remember we had, along with the rough times, a lot of good times and you and the rest of the family are left with many, many, many fond memories. All my love to all, Dad
One - Endings
Portrait of a Family
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an
end
is
beginning
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Two Inbetween nineseveneightzerooneninenine twothreeeighttwoninethree furiously
mad
awash depressed?
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9780199238293 words
emily
illustration
godden
freda
meier
That had never happened before In a way it was recognising the surveillance, But that didn’t seem important. It was impossible to tell at a glance; You will be told everything at an appropriate time That is the law. The pointlessness of the act, You expect there to be some point.
I can be honest and tell you, I listened. It wasn’t worth wasting words on, How can I get you to believe me? While it’s unpleasant for you, I need to be alone I presume you haven’t been wasting your time, I suppose you don’t believe I’ve been accused Nothing would have happened.
As far as strangeness is concerned, They were well equipped with the ordinary. I’ve seen you twice recently, if I put it off It will probably be no use to you. We’re talking about two different things here; What is written and what I’ve experienced, I can’t afford to ignore anything that might help me.
Keep following it until you come to an exit.
Two - Inbetween
9780199238293
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Furiously Mad in
conversation
O
ne stormy day in February we made our way to St. Luke’s Art Project studio, where we met Pool Arts, a collective of creatives working and researching around the topic of mental illness. They invited us for a conversation about the transformations in society around
with
pool
arts
the care and treatment of people initially termed as ‘furiously mad’ but also to tell us more about their personal experience. Currently Pool Arts are preparing the exhibition ‘Furiously Mad’ opening at People’s History Museum Manchester in April 2014.
magazine
When I worked there they only
and I wanted to leave after a couple
act (a term which means someone
of days because they wanted me to do
can be detained for treatment
something I didn’t want to do. They
by law) when it was needed.
told me they might have to section me. I saw a psychiatrist the next
I find it hard to deal with the outside world.
the fact that the majority of acute
Cuckoo’s Nest. The psychiatric clinic
ward patients are there voluntarily.
in the film can be a symbol for being in a place between a start and an
N: Does the movie show the truth?
morning and he was belittling me. They did not tell me why. I told them I wanted to leave. I had originally agreed to go in because a social worker suggested it. I told the psychiatrist that the things I am worried about are real and not just in my head. But they
A doctor, a social worker, at least
just did not believe me. I try to
three people have to assess if a
stay home because I find it hard
person has to be sectioned.
to cope with the outside world. Sometimes when I have to go to
And McMurphy is shocked about
touching the film One Flew Over the
I was in hospital in 1988 voluntarily
used a section of the mental health
There are stringent requirements.
N: In the exhibition you are also
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I: I was diagnosed with
town to do shopping I get distressed
schizophrenia in 1991 because when
and when I get home I will still be
I explain my problems they seem
stressed. I can’t sleep. Watching
like schizophrenia but they are not.
television or listening to music helps.
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest is a 1975 American drama directed by Miloš Forman, based on the 1962 novel by Ken Kesey.
To escape prison, McMurphy pleads insanity and is sent to a ward for the mentally unstable. Once here, he both endures and stands witness to the abuse and degradation of the oppressive Nurse Ratched, who gains superiority and power through the flaws of the other inmates.
end. They live their lives there but they are isolated from society.
E: I personally can say from my experience as a patient that I
S: They are institutionalized
went in there voluntarily I have
there. The Chief for example has
not been sectioned even though
been there for many years. But
one doctor called me mad.
some people are there by choice.
Two - Inbetween
Furiously Mad
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I never had schizophrenia before having tried these different tablets. I started having hallucinations. I asked them to change the medication because I could hear voices. I think I will have mental health problems for the rest of my life. People give me funny looks because
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I want things to be over - just finished.
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But the end for me somehow - is not an end.
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I basically just went really down. I went to my GP and said – I need
I say that because I thought
some help. And she was ready to write
it was. When I became a nurse I
down a prescription. But I said – I’m
thought I may have come out of
sorry. I don’t want them. I’ve had a lot
It is not a cut-off point.
this madness what I thought I was.
of experience with those. I want to talk
The start can be a place you
And then I became a psychiatric
to someone about how I am feeling.
went a point where bad things
nurse. I was incredulous!
I requested an analyst. That was
they associate me with Muslims
happened but that doesn’t
not very realistic. And she said – we
even though I am an Atheist. I worry
tend to happen in one day.
actually do not provide any of that.
a lot. It is just excessively worrying.
It is a build-up. I like the idea of
It happens every day. Coming to
that. We are obviously are starting
the art group helps. I can’t really
with the date 1714 when people could
talk about it with many people.
be locked up for being mad. But it didn’t end with community care.
A: Nowadays it is quite hard for someone to rock up at a psychiatric
What is the point of it all?
But I could have a mental health worker, so she came to my flat and we got talking about my art and
I somehow couldn’t believe what
my flat. And she asked me what
happened. I thought I left my past
I wanted. I just wanted a place
behind. I did my art degree, I left
of my own work to work on my
unit and be admitted. If you felt
okay to be mentally ill? Wasn’t it
nursing well behind. I was actually
art. So she brought me here.
that you needed to be in a hospital
more acceptable earlier in history
referred by a mental health worker to
it is quite hard to get in today.
within society? The term also
here because I came quite depressed
changed a lot. Your exhibition is
with things. They called it reactive
feeling that something has been
also exploring the changing term
depression at that point, I don’t
sent for you. And so was this.
from furiously mad to mentally ill.
know if they still call it that. My
B: Answers can be different. Sometimes personally I want
N: Was there a start of it not being
things to be over just finished. Or there is a pressure from various
Few times in life you get this
ex-wife died in Australia, the job I
But long-windingly making
really liked at that time went sour
the point: It is never over for me.
sources who say – oh you must be
experience - when I was ill, that was
with new managers and demands.
I can be bright and cheerful one
alright now. You can or you should do
obviously the start – then there was
And then I was really isolated
day and the next day something
this or that. And it is kind of overused
the middle with the treatment.
with my art and I was thinking:
will happen and I am down there
but for me it is still a journey.
E: From my own personal
What’s the point of it all?
again. It doesn’t really end for me. Two - Inbetween
Furiously Mad
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N: Do you see that as a negative thing that it doesn’t end? E: No. When I say there is no ending, now I cope better with it. This field involves a funny terminology.
It’s hard to decide whether you are depressed or just down.
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E: I think people are more aware
mad were lumped in together
now. It should be like that, not
with vagrants wandering
just pushed under the carpet.
round in the countryside. The authorities were worried about lots of people wandering
working class - they just couldn’t
again, for me, it is not the same for
understand it. I remember when they
a normal person to come out.
came to see me, my Mum said – you’ll be alright. We are going on holiday now
they realised not everyone was
and when we’re back we’ll come see you.
In a way there is a thread of a benevolent looking after people.
That sort of mentality. And I thought I was going mad. No one had a clue.
depressed really. You are dysphoric. You are not satisfied about things in your life.
But I do think it has changed a lot. People are becoming more aware
dangerous people up some just
also because there are more people
strongest person. But since I told them
want to escape from society.
in individual families becoming ill.
I can see it in their face, they just don’t
B: Language plays such a big part.
My friends thought I was the
look at me like that anymore. They But I also think one way society
A: I think it also matters that the
is going is that drug companies are
big municipal asylums closed down.
defining who is mentally ill, which
Before those municipal asylums,
doesn’t make it better for them.
It’s very hard deciding whether you are depressed or just down.
People accept it for them to be like that.
As much as we want to lock
Like dysphoria! Someone told me once – hang on, you are not
Like Stephen Fry. People accept it for them to be like that. But then
to control movement. But then
because they were furiously mad.
D: I also think it helps that big people came out with their illness.
When I told my family - very
from town to town. They wanted
wandering for economic reasons but
renaissance
N: I know there is no answer to
think I am … there is a stigma still. B: Also at the workplace - I think
there were lots of privately run,
it is double edged. You can say
unregulated asylums that popped up
I’ve got depression, you can say I
here and there. In the mid 1980s the
am bipolar. But saying you’ve got
that but do you think that there
longstanding ambition to close those
schizophrenia, saying you have a
has always been that large number
institutions down was put into action.
personality disorder. That is different.
Also in the things we are researching
of people suffering from mental
about history of depression.
illness? Are we just more aware of
But there were thousands of people
it? Or did society make us more ill?
in those places. Most people are
funny or creative when you are
treated in the communities now.
bipolar. It is portrayed like that.
The first thing was a vagrancy act.
It took a long time to get there. Also people expect you to be
Two - Inbetween
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Just because someone is bipolar,
A: Like we were saying before
B: The Tom Robinson song
N: Do you think that it would be
you are not automatically a genius.
about nurse Ratched in One Flew
starts off with – this is dedicated
beneficial to stop calling depression
over the Cuckoo’s Nest. She could be
to patients being classified as 3.3.0.
a mental illness like it was for
characterized as a psychopath.
That was in the seventies.
gay people not being called ill?
It is the idea of the fine line between genius and madness. That is a very old fashioned idea.
E: I will always remember what I am waiting to see, since Thatcher
a tutor told me – when you go on the
died, certain people coming out
ward I don’t want you to start being
posthumously declaring her bipolar.
judgmental. A lot of you in this room
That could have been an interactive game in the exhibition.
have skeletons in your cupboards.
It is like a whole pack of cards coming down.
When you go on the ward you will they are too clever for being in here. There are a hell lot of crazy people
like Stalin, Hitler and all that! They say they were creative but
treat it. That is complete relief. But then for others the Someone really close to me got
It proves in a way that some people say we dropped it maybe
told they’ve got schizophrenia. That was a really hard blow to take.
the other things have to be
you would say to them – you need
reconsidered. It is like a whole
again because it explains what is
treatment. You would be very sorry
pack of cards coming down.
going on, they can take medication or
it is perfectly normal how they act.
E: Name creative psychopaths! A new game! All these big politicians
name for it and that they can finally
out there. Crazy as dogs! But if
for saying that because they think .
some people that they finally got a
diagnosis can create stigma.
never come across a psychopath because
A new game: Name creative psychopaths!
O: I think it can be a real relief for
I mean in the wards in the nineties
wards have equal ops training.
classification of Homosexuality being de-classified as a mental
they destroyed everything all
illness was an ending of the aversion
these people, because they could
treatments they gave to people,
manipulate. Like all these charming
even though it went on longer
managers manipulating now.
than that. It was de-classified in
see a therapist. And that all helped.
it was still pretty homophobic even though people working in the
O: I thought about how the DSM
Other people might be relieved
D: It depends on the individual. If we were all exactly the same it would be so easy to treat everyone’s
O: I came across homophobia in institutions.
illness. But it is not easy as that. Everyone is unique. You are never going to get two of the same.
N: Was that staff or patients? A: Every mental condition is a
the DSM in 1973 and finally by the
O: It was staff.
kind of tick box exercise. What
World Health Organisation in 1992.
The patients were fine.
symptoms do you have and so on. Two - Inbetween
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Two - Inbetween
Illustration by Simone Karl
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D: Oh, don’t get me started! A: It is not like you can take a blood test. Certain people I
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It is almost back to the idea of
than there were 40 or 50 years
But that just pisses me off then
ago. Premenstrual tension now
because I got up in the middle of the
has a new psychiatric label.
night to get to work for 25 years.
Personally I think we can have and the one in four and the please
illnesses several times.
be nice to someone who spends a lot of money and cries a lot.
as schizophrenia in the beginning
the way people have to work towards
It can help but also restrict.
to understand those poor people. We need to ask what is
workers! The dropout rate due to
wrong within society that
stress is incredible. It needs more than
is making us all so sick.
a whole page article in a newspaper. You have to start somewhere though. E: It starts with famous people though, like Alan Turing. When
I have been a butcher and now I am suicidal: You don’t want to seem me with a big knife.
D: All that time just sitting there thinking about all that horrid shit
I have no other qualification.
that happened in the past made
The only way to get out of this
the situation a whole lot worse. They said, well – let’s get you back
all now is to get a job but then I say to them – what if I go to work
noticing but they also think
to work then. And I said – do you
and after two weeks I have a massive
– oh, if so and so has it, it can’t
want to see me with a big knife in my
breakdown. So, because I left the
be that bad after all, can it?
hand? I have been a butcher for
job, I will get sanctioned and will
the past 25 years and now I have
have no benefits for the next six
suicidal thoughts. You don’t want
months. It is so frustrating.
be a burden to carry around. It is the stigma you put upon yourself.
It is not enough to say we need
severe deadlines. Take your social
celebrities come out people start
one: the stigma it brings; and two:
factors in a political, economic or environmental situation.
You look at zero hour contracts,
For other people just that name can
B: The reason why some people suffer from mental illness is because of a raft of different
It is actually society.
It’s a moving situation.
B: A diagnosis can be a framework.
They go – well, can’t you think about doing something else.
can’t do this because I have that. all the anti-stigma campaigns
Look at Zero Hour contracts, the way people have to work towards severe deadlines.
The number of diagnoses increased
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with time. There is hundreds more
diagnosed with various different
and ended up as anxiety disorder.
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beginning and end. Thinking I
have worked with have been
You know, it might have started
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A: I think it is all coming back to the diagnosis, the label if you like. Look at the DSM.
to see me there with a big knife.
I waited three years to have a one to one psychotherapist session. Two - Inbetween
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It is just frustration. I went for a job about 12 months ago, in the
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As soon as I lied about it I got a job not long after.
application form they ask – did you have any mental illness? I have been
I: I filled in a medical questionnaire
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It came in about three, four years
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N: Do you think that you could
ago they introduced something
possibly help people or even society
previously called incapacity benefit.
with your insider knowledge about
You got a note from your doctor
the whole problem around mental
signing you off for a week or so.
illness via doing this exhibition?
honest about it. I butchered a full
and they put me in the work related
cow. They saw I can do it. The job
group. I don’t feel ready for work.
was supposed to start in January.
Sometimes I feel good for one or two
will make you fill in a questionnaire
weeks. But if they would force me
and you have to get interviewed by
go there with the expectation
to work that would not go well.
one big, private company called ATOS.
to learn something. So, yes,
It matters because the target of these
it is an opportunity.
Never tell the truth. Don’t tell them you had mental health problems.
A: They give you a medical test every so many months to see if you are fit for work. However, in the case of my wife they told her – you are too ill we know you are not fit but we will put
I got in and all they gave me was a
you in the back to work program.
It was too easy for them. Now they B: If you go into a museum you
people is us not receiving benefits.
We show some of the history
It is purely for physical illness.
of mental illness show how it has
But the tests are not suitable for
progressed. Maybe we will get two
mental health problems. People
people to realize. That would be good.
in danger of committing suicide were sent back to work. Someone had a heart attack
But I don’t see it as I went out on a Crusade.
due to stress and mental health
safety knife for opening boxes. I can
That is how they make more
problems because of them
Especially because it is in the
see people looking at me thinking I
money. They will never put you
not acting professionally.
People’s History Museum, it might
will stab them in the back the next
in the group retirement group. It
minute. Because I told you I have
is a bad cycle for people suffering
anxiety you think I am a lunatic.
from stress and anxiety.
E: I was told by a social worker,
be seen by people who have never A: The more severe the illness
dealt with the subject. It is all tidied
of the person they get back into
up neatly in a box and someone
work the bigger is their bonus
else is dealing with it for you.
B: I think they just do it to cut
the company gets. The initial idea
because of my drug abuse, that I
numbers down. The unemployment
was that these people are not left
museum and maybe putting up
will never get a job: Never tell the
numbers would be much higher.
on the side. Now they are trying
some of the complications and
to force you back into work.
the complicated history as well
truth. Don’t fill in the forms telling them you had mental health problems.
But bringing it into this
throws it in a more social realm. Two - Inbetween
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They want everyone to take steps
as individuals and also the law
I was a psychiatric nurse and I
drug companies have extended
to provide good mental health for
related history of the struggle
honestly did not know what was
to children and teenagers.
themselves. But that forgets people
of people with mental illness is
supposed to be wrong with them.
They are extending the definitions.
who need safe space, someone to
Sometimes I am in a certain condition
talk to at times - but that is an
are trying to change something.
to visit it was over. Obviously
where I need help. A shortcut is
expensive treatment option.
There is more to it than to telling
this doesn’t work for all the
those drugs. Yes, there are different
the history of a physical diagnosis.
illnesses but anxiety for example
definitions of normal but there are
and depression they might be an
cases of people who really need help.
pushing against boundaries. We
D: Have we always been mad and who decides?
But as soon as the families came
escape to get away from the crazy families. They can’t handle it.
D: You sometimes just need someone to talk to. After it building
E: There’s no such thing as normality but that is my
A: There is a film about as well from 1971, Family Life, that is about that.
up. It has to come out in some way maybe mental illness. Society creates
personal opinion. They all think they are normal.
up, and building up, and building
E: A lot of it is the families
this. I am going round in circles.
Pool Arts’ upcoming exhibition reveals the legislative history relating to the treatment of people described as ‘Furiously Mad’ in a legal document in 1714 – through to the more recent treatment of the ‘mentally ill’.
themselves. The children N: The more you try to be normal the more you become ill?
sometimes react on the things that happen in the family In that case not Ritalin but family
E: Yes, in a way. The real mad people are not in an institution.
Family Life is a 1971 British drama directed by Ken Loach. It is a remake of The Wednesday Play In Two Minds by David Mercer and directed by Loach, transmitted by the BBC in March 1967.
therapy is the answer. There is always an exception to it though.
B: It is also a dangerous benevolence to it. Wanting to make people be safe, but it is really hard right now to find help when you are in a crisis.
Pool Arts have been researching both mental health law and policy, whilst also developing their own personal responses to the subject.
The emphasis now is not about mental illness but about mental
Find more information online at
health in the whole population.
poolarts.org and phm.org.uk
A teenager receives agressive psychiatric treatments by a doctor who wants her family to insure the guard of the child without regards to the facts that it is the family agravating her situation. Two - Inbetween
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Awash words
james
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joe
bell
rudko
The Bursting Yellows trickle, fill the bottom of my unholy cup. Mix with seeds until drips, nectaresque, beside moustache threads.
The Veins Redden mapping frameworks to layered eyes, souls, and all in between. Rivers from streams with accumulated crumbs.
The Fading Blues veiled our months. Spiritualised now, stomach churns until tepid fears dissolve and circular logic recedes.
And Midnight Blacks hem as I regenerate. Now colourless calls a choir. What was it you said about being born again?
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Depressed? dialogue
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T
his is a transcribed recording of the first conversation I had with my doctor about my depression.
I’ve been - if I’m being honest -
toumazou
melih
dönmezer
My doctor was not aware I was recording the conversation.
And I wasn’t fully acting upon them
quite depressed lately and last year
when I was trying to commit suicide
... I tried committing suicide.
but it was like a failed attempt.
Well, that is quite depressed.
What happened? Did someone find you?
I don’t really know how to talk
No, I just took an overdose of pills
about it. I got in a state last week
basically. I realised I didn’t really
were I was just really depressed.
want to do it - to die. So I stuck my
I have suicidal thoughts quite a bit but I’ve never
fingers down my throat and drank some salty water to get it out.
really acted upon them ... You never saw anyone about it? Mmm …
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But I wouldn’t jump the gun to that
If you describe this »could I
Also you can just go to A&E if you’re
now, I’ve always been quite depressed
extent. What we need to do is put into
be bipolar« thing to them, they
feeling suicidal, or ring the Samaritans.
but, after I get out of the depressive
place some help for the depression
have a psychiatrist who visits who
stage - I’ll just forget about it.
and also know what to do when you’re
could make that assessment.
No. The thing is, through sixteen till
having these suicidal thoughts, okay?
I know, but it’s not really like that. You don’t want to seek help when you’re feeling suicidal.
I don’t want to se l f- d iag nose myself.
Yeah, but you know if you got to the point where you took the tablets last time - you need to know something else you can do instead if you’re going to reach that point again; even if it’s only ringing your Mum ...
I have these kind of fluctuations and - without sounding like a hypochondriac - looking at my
I don’t really have that kind of
Mum, she can be quite a lot like
relationship with my Mum.
me. She’ll be excited and quite ecstatic, then very depressive - just like an extreme version of me.
I feel I have no control.
I’ve looked into bipolar disorder. Reading up on it and researching: It does seem a bit like my That would almost certainly be faster
Mum might have it. I know it’s hereditary. But I don’t want
Yeah.
than trying to refer you through the NHS.
Anything that takes you away from
But for starters I would go to student
that point of acting upon those thoughts
As a fundamental thing, we need
counselling. Give them a ring, see when
and taking the tablets again or doing
to go to student counselling. They
they can book you in – they actually have
something equally awful. You can’t
are quite good at sending you a quick
drop in sessions between one and two if
guarantee you’ll have the revelation that
appointment for an assessment.
you are feeling particularly distressed.
suicide isn’t the right decision in time.
to self-diagnose myself. Bipolar disorder is a diagnosis that will only be made by a psychiatrist.
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It’s not that, it’s just I feel I have
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pleasure in doing things?
no control over my emotions. My mood changes dramatically
More than half.
within a month, sometimes a week, or even just a day …
Little pleasure in doing things?
Feeling down, depressed or hopeless? More than half. Trouble falling asleep, or staying asleep, or sleeping too much?
Yeah.
Nearly every day.
But it’s not slightly depressed,
That’s what almost every student says.
I get completely depressed.
Feeling tired or having little energy?
I’ll shut myself off. Nearly every day. Well this is a questionnaire which pertains to depression. Let’s
Poor appetite or overeating?
see what you get on this, okay? It’s just asking about in the
Nearly every day.
past two weeks, because it wants a snapshot, so that we can compare next time we talk about it.
Feeling bad about yourself, that you’re a failure, that you’ve let yourself and others down?
Yeah. More than half. In the last two weeks, how often have you had little or no
Trouble concentrating on light entertainment, people or TV? Several days. I think your speech and movement is normal although you are a bit fidgety, Thoughts that you’d be better
We need to get you assessed by student counselling.
Thoughts that you’d be better off dead?
off dead or hurting yourself? Nearly every day.
If you are bipolar, and I give you an anti-depressant because you’re
Ohh, then it’s not good, is it?
depressed at the moment, it could make things infinitely worse. You
No.
need to get that assessment done.
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Give student counselling a ring and if you’re having suicidal
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Well I’d rather not have any though, I don’t really want anti-depressants.
thoughts talk to someone, be at drop in sessions. Or the Samaritans or A&, talking to anybody rather than acting on those thoughts basically.
Sure, sure. It’s one to think about isn’t it. But our main concern is to get you assessed.
Yeah. Okay. Once you’ve been properly assessed we can look at the next way forward in terms of treatment. If the assessment
You get that done and I’ll expect to be seeing you again. Haha.
provides evidence of you being Bipolar, then it will probably involve referral
Ha, yeah ...
into the mental health services. If you’re not then we’ll come up with a
Alright, is that okay?
management plan as an alternative. Yeah, thank you for that. ● Yeah. Bearing in mind that your mood is so up and down, it is the wrong decision to just start you on an anti-depressant.
Lewis transcribed this conversation into a small booklet which was then distributed in establishments like pubs, a builders cafe, a barber shop, a betting shop, an adult book shop and homeless areas.
With his project Lewis hopes to reach out to people who were depressed in secret but also raise awareness of the subject. lewistoumazou@hotmail.com
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Three Beginnings curlew
river
cosmology fly
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Curlew River Our Girl stands in the Curlew words
robert
photography
B
e what you would seem to be or if you’d like it put more simply: Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what
leeming
lara
shipley
you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise. ★ Lewis Carroll
Our Girl wonders, mid
River while the great grid of power
sentence and concludes, »this
station metal hums in front of
morning.« Smiling. Satisfied.
her. Shivering, she stares at the grid, the cooling towers and that
»Rickshaws, dearie?« Lady
whole shiny rhinestone scene
Marzipan says, her voice all reedy
they’ve got cooking over there.
and rattly from her smokes.
The grid, that buzzing electric grid, that’s her life, see? Look, that’s Stevie, up there. She loved Stevie. Poor old Stevie.
»Never seen a rickshaw in me life, despite me breeding,« KimonoMan cuts in, boasting a hoity-toity accent now, a put on, his long yellow nails tapping the bark of the weeping
»I know you,« Our Girl
willow tree he leans against.
whispers, breaking her trance when the two arrive. »You’re from the Mystery Plays at the Hornerby Assizes, I saw your tents being packed into rickshaws,« she pauses, »when?« Out of the woods they come, crunching their way across the shale in newspaper shoes, him wearing a Japanese kimono and her, all bones and marzipan, spitting out orange pits at right angles as she walks. Three - Beginnings
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»There was lots of confetti swirling
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rippling in the Middle Eastern breeze,
about,« adds KimonoMan, »a right
sun glinting off the top of the Dome
ribald scene if ever there was one, I
of the Rock, catching Our Girl right in
doubt you could have picked us out.«
the eye, blinding her, momentarily.
A slap for KimonoMan, right across the chops, for giving the game away.
»Relax and let your arms dangle when you reach the lower portion of the swing, and if your fingers graze the ground, don’t
»Remember hitching a ride on the
you worry, just move with the mill.«
sails of the Montefiore Windmill, Dora, in the snow?« KimonoMan asks,
Drumroll, he performs a
edging the subject away from his
summersault, vaudeville
increasingly haphazard memory.
style, to much applause.
»You’ve got to keep the sail
Confetti. Flowers. Curtain.
tight between your legs.« KimonoMan pops his head
Vau de v i l le style, to much applause.
around the red velvet. Lordy, Lordy, an encore, tonight of all nights! The pit band break into After You’ve Gone and KimonoMan waddles, Chaplin style, bamboo cane a-swinging, towards a revolving Billy
He demonstrates, with an
Brownie Garden blackboard and bows.
imaginary windmill sail, suddenly real, it’s cream canvas material
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»Vault forwards on the upward curve if you want to make it to the top again,« he says, as he slaps the blackboard
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To the left, well, to the left, we all look a little to the left. Even Herself gets out of the Curlew
with the bamboo cane, like Monty
River to take a little look to her left.
outlining the conclusion of a mission.
My God, an illusion! These people can do that. Just cover your eyes, Lady,
»It’s worth it, if you want to see all Jerusalem in an eyeful.«
Step out of your river. Lady Marzipan interrupts,
look away, and they’ll be sneaky peteing along before you even know it. »De dum-de-dum-de-diddlydum,« KimonoMan sings, making out a melody for his song on a Den-den daiko. »The trees were chewing peppermint
hectoring Our Girl now, meanly,
gum,« Lady Marzipan answers,
clearing the still confetti-laden
vamping. »Down by the towers
air with a waft of her hand.
and down on the shale, they hung him up on two penny nails!«
»Our lives are made of natural light, not electricity,« she says, lurching a
On the tree trunk bark Our Girl taps
hunched shoulder in the direction
out a rhythm to accompany their song,
of the river facing station.
but she’s wearing silver thimbles on every finger, golden rings on every toe.
»Your man made power is doing you
Her rhythm, you see, only counts if
down, you need to step out of your
she’s connected and she’s not part of
river and look a little to the left.«
their ecosystem, she’s not even close. ●
Three - Beginnings Lara Shipley
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Cosmology words
ramon
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I was a child I caught a fleeting W hen glimpse. Out of the corner of my eye. I turned to look but it was gone.
joe
marquès
whitmore
I cannot put my finger on it now. The child is grown, the dream is gone. And I have become comfortably numb. ★ Pink Floyd
Abstract This article presents a Cosmology
Introduction It is as a philosopher that I have
that introduces such novelties as
put together this Cosmology,
considering the Higgs Field, or
after many years of what I view as
Expanding Vibratory Space, as the
solving a multidimensional and
engine of the Universe, the engine
multidisciplinary crossword puzzle.
that provides kinetic energy to all of the particles’ movements.
This Cosmology has proven fruitful in expounding the existence of an
This perfectly explains the effects
expanding vibratory space and of the
attributed to dark energy, likely to
braking effect, and I believe that other
dark matter. As explains the mass,
questions of similar importance will
the gravitation and the inertia.
have to be considered soon as well.
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Expanding Vibratory Space
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From celestial bodies to the atom, the particle, or strings, my
My calling to understand what lies behind matter drove me to study it
understanding is that movements do not occur just because.
from a multidisciplinary perspective This Cosmology is composed of three fundamental pieces: Expanding Vibratory Space Braking Effect Pure Field But before we describe these, let us start from the beginning. How did the Universe begin? I do not find it logical nor necessary for the Universe to have started at a point of infinite density. It could well have been the result of two universes colliding, one of matter and one of antimatter. This would explain the heat needed for the formation of Hydrogen and Helium, also necessary for the cosmic microwave background radiation, and it would explain the particle-antiparticle pairs that travel through the vacuum.
Our Universe would be the leftover matter from that initial collision.
many years ago, and I soon understood
Why do particles move? Why
the need for an expanding vibratory
mass? Why gravity? Why inertia?
space in order to explain the ubiquity
Why do galaxies accelerate?
of movements, both at the subatomic level and at the sidereal level.
The movement of particles, I believe this is clear, needs a moving cause - the
It didn’t seem to me that the law of
expanding vibratory space - and I do
inertia, or appealing to the inner force
not consider the big-bang effect, with
of energy, was sufficient to explain the
its subsequent inertia, to be sufficient,
whole host of movements in Nature,
taking into account that particles find so
and I thought that the expanding
many obstacles along the way yet their
vibratory space was necessary as the
movement or vibration does not stop.
engine of the Universe, as a key and foremost piece of this Cosmology.
The Higgs boson will be able to show us with more detail how this occurs.
Dark energy, Higgs Field, Expanding
To explain mass, gravity and inertia,
Vibratory Space. I think they are the
and their expansion and acceleration,
same but from different points of view.
let us delve into the braking effect.
The expanding vibratory space must possess the sum of properties that dark energy and the Higgs space are presumed to have, and, as we will see below, it turns out to be this way.
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Three - Beginnings Hubble Telescope
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The Braking Effect
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My understanding of the facts is that this kinetic energy, rotatory,
The braking effect is the
maybe in spiral, is the one producing
interaction between the expanding
the braking effect when interacting
vibratory space, call it Higgs field
with the expanding vibratory space’s
if you will, and the particle.
(or Higgs field’s) kinetic energy. And all that, without failing to
This expanding vibratory space
take into account another force
or Higgs field, when in contact with
perpendicular to that one, and which
the particle, goes from virtual to
impels the particle to translation.
real, and produces enough kinetic energy to produce the braking effect.
This interaction causes the particle to decrease its speed — it ceases to travel at the speed of light,
And this braking effect is the miracle of Nature that materializes
deforms space and creates gravity, mass and inertia. Let us see.
particles: it decreases their speed, deforms space, and provides them with mass, gravity and inertia.
The decrease in speed and the deformation of space are obvious effects common to braking; as
How does all this happen?
are the creation of gravity, mass and inertia, although they are
The vibratory complex common
not as easy to understand.
to the particle possesses both a rotary effect and interactive forces
Gravity is a direct effect of
which, in their most genuine
the action of braking. Braking
sense, are kinetic energy.
is a continuous force that opposes the particle’s translation force, also continuous.
This braking is the decelerating
In fact, we may understand this
effect that keeps us glued to the
certain equivalence as a sum of
ground in the same way that the
the braking effect’s consequences:
water-skier pulled by a motorboat
braking and rotatory motion of the
stays glued to the water.
interactive forces, together with gravity and inertia, materialize
Einstein considered gravity the
the particle; and let us not forget
consequence of an acceleration, and
about the kinetic energy of
we can consider braking a negative
translation. Mass is all of this.
acceleration. The continuous force of the braking effect explains the
Inertia also presents a certain
characteristic attraction of gravity,
equivalence with gravity and with
which attracts with a uniformly
mass. My understanding is that, with
accelerated motion. And it explains
the braking effect, we find ourselves
its relationship with the rest of
before a gravitational-inertial-mass
interactive forces that determine a
weave, and in order to modify its
rotatory motion in the particles.
state of rest or motion it is necessary to overcome the gravitational force.
As we know, mass has a certain equivalence with gravity. This is another consequence of the braking effect.
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Enigmatic Dark Energy and Dark Matter
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Out of the two forces —braking and translation — the latter prevails, which ultimately results in a Universe
What has been presented as
with accelerated expansion.
enigmatic dark energy becomes very clear in my Cosmology.
In a similar way we can understand dark matter: the forces that determine
It is not necessary to appeal
the gravitational braking may vary
to a new energy: the expanding
and should be reviewed according to
vibratory space or Higgs field
the pressure and distance. It is easily
explains everything.
understandable that in the centers of galaxies, for example, these forces are
The particles that travel through
increased by pressure, which simulate
it do so by being transported by
the dark matter halo. Or when the
the kinetic energy that Higgs
translational force is increased
bosons confer upon them.
by the distance simultaneously increase the braking effect.
That is, these bosons confer two types of perpendicular forces, one for the braking effect and another one for the translation of the particle. And the energy of translation acts with a continuous force, in a way that it confers on the particle a uniformly accelerated motion, with the speed of light as its limit, because it is the expansion speed of the aforementioned space or field.
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The Pure Field
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Vibration, indeed, does not allow to communicate faster than the speed
What lies behind the expanding
of light. As a possible hypothesis the
vibratory space? Everything that
pure field can act on the particles
moves has a moving cause; the law
through the vibratory strings.
stated by Aristotle stays current. It is
In this pure or primordial field,
thanks to Alain Aspect’s experiment
distance and time do not exist:
that we are allowed to discern behind
the present is continuous.
the movements of the expanding vibratory space or Higgs field.
The pure field does not only offer a magical basis for the
Quantum Physics presumed it
Cosmos, but also comes to solve
and Alain Aspect’s experiment
our problems with Metaphysics.
confirmed it: two particles that
It becomes an explanation for
remain intertwined when they
conscience, for those of us who are
separate can communicate instantly.
convinced that neurons are not
Alain Aspect proved as much in an
enough to explain consciousness.
experiment with intertwined photons:
This is where we could place God
by measuring their polarization we
or the Intelligence of the Cosmos,
know that, if they separate, they
and the whole of Metaphysics:
communicate instantly regardless
nothing less than all of that.
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Ramon Marquès has also written two books about the Cosmology: Descubrimientos estelares de la Física Cuántica (Stellar discoveries in Quantum Physics), by Ediciones Indigo (Barcelona, 2004), and Nueva Cosmología. Un giro copernicano (New Cosmology. A Copernican twist), by Ediciones Indigo (Barcelona, 2008). In May 2005 Ramon gave a presentation on the Cosmology at an international conference on Physics in Mexico, on the occasion of Einstein Year, and in September of 2006 in Mallorca, organized by SEGRE (Sociedad Española de la Gravitación y Relatividad; Spanish Gravitation and Relativity Society).
of the distance between them. It even allows us to shed some light My understanding is that this
on futurology—which otherwise
allows us to presume a state that
seems impossible—in this continuous
lies beyond vibration, which I
present, and it also sheds some
call pure or primordial field.
light on comprehending intuition in its most genuine dimension. ●
Three - Beginnings
Cosmology
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Three - Beginnings
Carlota Gonzalez-Miguez
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Fly When Fly died they cut through words
david
hartley
illustration
I
caught myself grinning, properly grinning, for the first time since forever.
tosh
She gathered up the pens and
the walls and pulled me out, back to
stuffed them in her pockets. I didn’t
Limb. She was acting weird, they said,
dare argue and shot a look to the
she’s yours, they said, we don’t usually
Admins to say they shouldn’t either.
get these, they said, take her with you. Fly was crouched in the corner, rocking, trying to cry. In front of her lay the pens and pencils of Limb; pilfered from desks, begged for, screamed for, then neatly lined up in a size-order curve. Like a
They were already slicing the way back to my realm.
barricade, I’d always thought, like half a chalk circle, a line the bad guys couldn’t cross.
They were already slicing the way back to my realm; eyes averted, patient smiles, keen to
She calmed down when she
get us the hell out of there.
realised it was me, big brother.
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»Good to see you, Fly,« I said, with all the right tones.
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I let her buzz around the room; the lazy zigzag circles that earned her the nickname. The statement was
»Buzz buzz,« she said, soothed.
not directed at me; it was part of the process, part of the figuring out.
When I died, my ghost bones resetting, the silvered sheen of
I let myself, just for that moment
Limb shifting through my iris, I
and for no longer, wonder how she
grasped onto the one good thing
died. Whether it was painful or quick,
about passing away. At least I
her own fault or no-ones fault.
wouldn’t have to look after Fly. And I thought about Mum That was my silver lining; that’s what I clung onto. A responsibility dodged.
and Dad, indulged in that for a blink, wondered if they were still alive, out there somewhere, arranging another funeral.
»I don’t know what to do.«
Then I shut it all out of my mind. Three - Beginnings
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The distant past, another life,
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I caught myself grinning, properly
another realm, irrelevant. Fly stopped
grinning, for the first time since
her buzzing, turned away from me.
forever. But when night did fall,
Now the question was asked,
nous
we had our jobs to do. Worried
not with words but with
Admins spliced peepholes from
her stance, her waiting.
Limb, which didn’t help with my own nerves. But I had a plan.
‘I’ll show you what to do,’ I said. »Fly, would you like to do Together we watched the Wilson
some colouring-in?«
family go about their daily lives. Fly found it hardest to grasp that
She froze, her eyes diagonal-right,
she couldn’t be seen or heard, her calls
her brow furrowed as she processed
of »Hello, what’s your name?« falling
every tiny implication of my question.
defiantly unanswered. She needed time in the pencil corner to cool that one off, but she got there eventually. She soon found out that she could pick up and throw things around
Would you like to do some colouring-in?
without recrimination and that kept her busy until nightfall. She took the ghosts of books and arranged them in colour
»Hard or easy?« »Easy,« I said, knowing that was the only possible response.
order, she pressed the spirit of every button, hummed with the
We started with Ted, the
microwave, hissed at static. She
father, because he was always
soon unnoticed the Wilsons.
the heaviest sleeper. Three - Beginnings
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I dropped the sheen over his
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about his skiing trip and it had made
to do the same to his right. She
Ted jealous. So I drew a sandcastle,
was very careful, very gentle.
a deck chair, a holiday brochure.
»We are going to draw his
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Today Ted’s boss had told him all
left eyelid and showed Fly how
dreams,« I said, and a flutter of
nous
»Please draw a boat, Fly.« Ted loves fishing.
panic passed through Fly. I called up the stylus before she could react. The instrument stilled her, an automatic hand reach out to claim it. I let her take it and called up another for myself. »This is very easy Fly, all you need
It wasn't going to always be that easy. But it was a damn good start.
to do is put the pencil into his ear and She shoved her stylus in and giggled while she sketched out
left ear and the nib appeared
triangle sails, a rectangle deck,
behind the eyelid sheen. I referred,
and big, smiling, circle sun.
Fly was crouched in the corner, buzzing out a story to
startle behind every bleary eye.
her fingers, telling them their dreams perhaps. She’d been in
I watched as they gathered for
a happy mood last night.
breakfast; the teens rising with
It wasn’t going to always be that
their parents, everyone eager to
easy. But it was a damn good start.
grasp and relate the colours of their dreams. By afternoon, giddy
I will tell you what to draw. Watch.« I slipped my stylus into Ted’s
The next morning the Wilsons woke to a Saturday, a slight, muted
»Good to see you, Fly,« I said.
holiday plans were forming. »Buzz buzz,« she said, My grin would not relent.
without looking up. ●
quickly, to my mental notes. Three - Beginnings
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Melih Dรถnmezer
TIME’S TIDE WILL SMOTHER YOU
www.nous-magazine.de
from That Joke Isn’t Funny Anymore by the Smiths