section 7
Responding to 2 year-olds’ behavior
2 years
42 meeting
Let’s review:
Once the meeting starts, welcome everyone and ask the participants: • Who can help us remember what we talked about in our last meeting? • Who was able to do the activity at home that we asked you to do at the end of the meeting? How did it go? • Does anyone have questions or concerns after doing the activity?
What are we going to learn?
How to respond to the behavior of children while understanding that parents lose control as well. LET’S TALK ABOUT IT: We are going to look at some pictures, so we can talk about what we all know about this topic. What do you think the mother in the first picture is doing wrong?
What do you think the mother in the second picture is doing? What do you do when you feel like you can’t control your child?
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Activity:
“Handling tantrums” We are going to practice ways to control temper tantrums in children, while at the same time staying calm.
What we’ll need: • Flip-chart • Markers
WHAT WE’LL DO: • Start by asking the participants if their child has had a temper tantrum. Why do they think that children of this age act this way? What are the best ways to manage these behaviors? • Next, discuss the following suggestions with the group (write them on flipchart and then post it on the wall): • 3 ways to calm a child: • Take away the object that they are whining about. • Distract them with other things and change their setting. • Separate them from everyone else for a while. • 3 things not to do: • Don’t hit the child. • Don’t give the child what they want. • Don’t “bribe” the child with a prize if they quiet down. • After discussing these suggestions with the group, divide the participants into two groups and ask them to do a role play (skit) that shows the ways (good and bad) to manage the behavior of a uncontrollable child. • After the groups present their skits, talk to the group about the idea that they themselves need to work at controlling their anger and impatience with their children. Ask the group to think of a few ways of controlling their anger in front on their children – make a list together.
Summing up:
What did we learn today? Now, we’ll review what we discussed today. • How do you feel after this meeting? Why? • What are the two most important things you’ve learned today? • What will you do differently based on what you learned during the meeting? • What did you like the most? Are there things you didn’t like? • Do you have any remaining concerns or questions about what we talked about?
Facilitator’s Manual
67 To finish: what would you recommend to improve today’s meeting when we do it again with another group. (Explain that replying this question will help the meeting be even better in the future for parents with small children.)
To do at home:
Tell participants to share with other mothers with two-year-olds about what they have learned at the meeting.
Basic information for the facilitator: Learning more about behavior: 1- Normal behavior for a two-year-old: In the second year of life a child starts to understand
the difference between themselves and everyone else. They start to understand their own liberty and independence, but this requires that they venture out of their normal environment to learn who they are and what they are worth. At this age children seek these three things from the people around them (primarily their parents): Attention, Acceptance and Affection. Things that they will seek throughout childhood. When the child feels like they are being attended to, accepted and are receiving affection their emotional structure will be built with security and confidence. Children start to use the word NO to feel strong and will practice with their parents, checking to see what the answer is and the power of saying NO. They do this in a playful manner, not because they are disobedient. It is at this time that parents can start to discuss and negotiate limits. • To give Attention: It is suggested that when we are with the child; playing with him/her, bathing him/her etc., our complete attention should be on them; looking at them, talking to them, caressing them. • To show Acceptance: It is suggested that at all times a child should receive kind words, parents should affirm them when they do good things, tell them how good something they did turned out, tell them they are pretty, tell them how special they are, etc. With these words permeated in the child’s daily life they will feel accepted and valued for who they are. • To show Affection: At all ages it is important to show affection, caresses and hugs. But at this age it is even more important, because this is when a child begins to separate themselves from their mother. It is vital for them to receive loving physical contact, to be spoken to in a soft tone, looked at with acceptance and care. The most important thing is that children feel these demonstrations of affection from their parents.
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2- Fears: As children begin to separate themselves from their mothers, they will begin to feel
insecure. These insecurities will be reflected as different fears: fear of abandonment, fear of being alone, fear of the dark, fear of the unknown, fear of sounds, etc. The best response to these fears is to accompany the child, holding him/her, protecting him/her, teaching him/her and explaining their fears to them. For example if they are scared of the dark, talk to them about the light and how light takes away the dark. It is not recommended to say that their fear doesn’t exist or isn’t true, because to them, their fantasy is true. When a child is sad or fearful, tell them about a bible verse that inspires hope and trust, and pray together. The strongest fear for children of this age is abandonment, especially from their parents, since they are the ones they depend on for everything. The best thing to do is to explain that they will be absent for a few hours but will return, this way the child understands that absences are like that; parents might leave but will always come back.
3- Limits and tantrums: At this age a child requires a lot of movement for their development, this
should be allowed, but every family should set the limits regarding space; play areas, meal areas, bath areas, sleeping areas, etc. In many occasions a child is going to want things or foods that aren’t necessarily good for them. Parents and caregivers should stay calm and lovingly refuse even if the baby is throwing a tantrum. If parents give into the tantrum the child will learn that a tantrum is a way to get what they want. They will repeat this conduct for the rest of their life, getting mad to get their way.
4- Sadness: Sometimes a baby might feel sad, many times it’s due to tiredness. It is recommended
that at these moments the child receives lots of Atention, Acceptance, and Affection. Stay with them, hold them, talk to them, play with them and get them to smile, above all it is important to give them hugs to help them feel secure. If they are sad because they are sleepy, accompany them to their bed and help them sleep by rubbing their head or singing a soft song, it is important that their feeling of sadness go away with the presence of a parent or caregiver. Risks In many occasions even with the presence of a parent, a child may not receive enough attention, acceptance and affection for their normal development. For example when both parents work and don’t have time for their child, he/she becomes an unperceived presence in the home, they can be forgotten and the child can feel that he/she doesn’t have an important function in the family. These children become insecure, are aggresive and distrustful of him/herself and others.
Facilitator’s Manual