Broken Vessels

e pressures of this life have increased to levels that the previous generations could never have imagined. We pray to God that He will guard over us and protect us from the enemy, and we believe that He will. at’s what Christians do. But what happens when everything falls apart and there are no pieces to pick up? What happens when our families are destroyed by Satan and the destruction continues day after day?

“Michele and Joseph found both of their sons caught up in the grip of heroin. Fighting for decades to win this insidious battle, they became prisoners of hope. No, a prisoner of hope is not a happy thing, for as we know, ‘Hope deferred makes the heart sick’ (Proverbs 13:12). We have all come to understand that much.

“Here is a story of a family who never gave up through the worst of it all. Did I say that ‘hope deferred makes the heart sick’? Yes, perhaps it does, for a while, but remember, when that desire is fulfilled, it ‘is a tree of life’!”

“It is common to read books written by addicts recounting their struggles and successes during the process of recovery. It is rare to see a book so well written giving a glimpse into the daily torment and anguish that parents go through. Michele has opened the windows to her heart providing an open, heartfelt, and sometimes raw and uncomfortable view into her and Joseph’s ongoing recovery journey with their sons. And in Broken Vessels revealing the soul of a mother who learns to lean on and trust in God—and in Him alone. Understanding that the battle against addiction is first and foremost a spiritual battle and that God will and does win the victory.”

—Dr. Walter R. Kelley, DD 2005–2015 Teen Challenge of Southern California

“Michele Rose understands addiction and the heartbreak that accompanies it, not from a textbook theory but from real-life, agonizing experience. As a mom to not one but two children who struggled with

—Dr. Peter Scott Snyder, missionary to China, Peter Snyder Ministries

the invasive claws of substance abuse, the knowledge she gleaned was hard fought and intense. But the lessons she learned are real. Very real! is book is a much-needed resource for any parent or family member who is dealing with the unwanted effects of addiction, something they will never get over, but with God’s grace they can get through. Michele’s book offers support, encouragement, practical advice, and a virtual helping hand.”

—Anita Agers-Brooks, award-winning author of the best-selling book Getting rough What You Can’t Get Over

“When I finished Broken Vessels, I had to ponder it. How could drug addiction take such a toll? How do you survive when your own children are hooked? If you’ve had to ask yourself these questions because your own children or someone else you deeply love is seriously addicted, you must read this book. You will learn how you can make it through some of life’s toughest circumstances. Filled with many practical steps and spiritual insights, this real-life story will help you win the battle. I like what Michele said in the book, ‘ is is what I know about addiction based on down-in-the-trenches, real-life, excruciating experience: we have spiritual authority in the name of Jesus.’”

—John Boneck, author of 50+: e Emerging Joshua and Caleb Generation; pastor, MorningStar Ministries

“A time for such a story as never before, Michele wraps each chapter with a balanced blend of presenting the nightmare of addiction with her own story of hope. is book is an eye-opener. But more than that, its a heart-opener. You’ll be captivated as you come to understand this turbulent world and how to skillfully support your own neighbors, friends, and family struggling with issues.”

—Nancy D. Magiera, founding director, Chicago HUB Ministries

Broken Vessels

Shattered by Addiction, Transformed by the Loving Hands of God

MICHELE ROSE

Birmingham, Alabama

Broken Vessels, Brookstone Publishing Group, An imprint of Iron Stream Media 100 Missionary Ridge, Birmingham, AL 35242, IronStreamMedia.com

Copyright © 2022 by Michele Rose

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise—without the prior written permission of the publisher.

DISCLAIMER: is book reflects the author’s present recollections of experiences over time. Some names and characteristics have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals. Iron Stream Media serves its authors as they express their views, which may not express the views of the publisher.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2022913866

Scripture quotations, unless noted otherwise, are taken from the (NASB®) New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1971, 1977, 1995, 2020 by e Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. All rights reserved. www.lockman.org

Scripture quotations marked AMP are taken from the Amplified® Bible (AMP), Copyright © 2015 by e Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. www.lockman.org

Scripture quotations marked ESV are from the ESV® Bible ( e Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. e ESV text may not be quoted in any publication made available to the public by a Creative Commons license. e ESV may not be translated into any other language.

Scripture quotations marked NASB95 are taken from the (NASB®) New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1971, 1977, 1995 by e Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. All rights reserved. www.lockman.org

Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com. e “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved. Cover design by Hannah Linder Designs

ISBN: 978-1-949856-83-5 (paperback) ISBN: 978-1-949856-84-2 (ebook) 1 2 3 4 5—26 25 24 23 22

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

To my husband: We made it, still standing, together. . . . more today than yesterday . . .

To the Tuesday Night Warriors: Pillars of faith, strength, and character. When I couldn’t stand, you stood for me.

To Mary Kay: anonymous throughout these pages: Your love, compassion, wisdom, and generosity know no bounds. My sister in the faith, my precious friend.

To Gayle: Your encouragement to press in and finish writing my story was pivotal.

To all those who stood with me in the Spirit, if only for a season: ank you.

For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst. —Matthew 18:20

INTRODUCTION

How could this be the outcome? We had poured ourselves into showing our children love and taught them how to make good choices.

When our sons were young, we camped and fished. We prayed together regularly, and Sundays were reserved for faith and family time. In our early years of marriage, my husband, Joseph, and I committed ourselves to understanding what God wanted of us and following His plans. We weren’t perfect, but life was good.

Joseph and I went to every game, meet, and performance our kids participated in. We loved making the memories we cherish today. One of my favorites was our family “no rules” basketball game in the backyard pool. Joseph and our son David faced off with Michael, our other son, and me. No rules meant you could dunk anybody to get the ball. As the only girl, I could climb on their backs to pull them under. If all else failed, a swift tug on their trunks helped me get them to drop the ball. We laughed a lot.

When they were little, the neighborhood boys often hung out in our yard playing in the giant 6 x 8 foot sandbox we constructed. In their junior and high school years, a number of 150- to 200pound guys did cannonballs into the pool, splashing water until

the level was so low we had to refill it. But as David approached his senior year and Michael his sophomore, we gradually noticed their friends weren’t hanging out at our house as much.

We asked the boys, “Where are your friends? How come we don’t see them anymore?”

David and Michael shrugged our questions off.

Joseph and I discussed the possible reasons for the shift.

“I guess I can understand them wanting to spend time hanging out at their friends’ houses too,” I said.

Joseph spoke in a matter-of-fact tone. “Willie has an inground pool, and ours probably feels smaller now that they’ve gotten bigger.”

I sighed. “ ings change.”

Around that time, the house parties started. Some parents allowed drinking if the kids didn’t drive. Really?

You can have all the discussions you know you should have with your kids about life choices, but in the end, all you can do is hope they’ll use common sense and apply what you’ve taught them when it matters. At that time, I had no idea how our boys’ decisions would impact their lives—or ours.

How does a good person with their whole life ahead of them get hooked on drugs? e reason can be different for many, but if someone is emotionally wounded and self-medicating to numb their pain, drugs are often in the mix. Whether it’s alcohol, pot, or other substances, the desire to soothe can lead to a dangerous progression. If not checked, addiction can take hold of your life.

If the drug is heroin, it will take over your life. Many addicts say they thought they’d try it just once to see what it was like. Apparently for most, the high is so euphoric, once is never enough.

ere are identifiable patterns to addiction. One is the red flag of money, or the continual lack thereof, as it’s always a signal when there’s habitual drug use. I’m not saying that someone who is bad with finances is always using drugs. I’m saying that someone who is using drugs will eventually always run short of money. It can become a $100 daily habit of destruction, and easily go up from there. roughout this book, I will share other symptoms when drugs are involved.

I am not a counselor, therapist, or even a preacher. I’m simply a woman who has walked a pain-filled road with people she loved deeply. My goal is to share what I’ve learned and hope it helps and encourages you.

Among many, one Bible Scripture has provided me with much encouragement during difficult days. Jeremiah 29:11–13 says, “‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for prosperity and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. en you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.’”

e Bible is truly a comfort when you see written in its pages all the imperfect people God used to do great things. ere’s something incredibly strengthening about knowing if He can use some of the characters who struggled so honestly in those true biblical accounts, He can use any one of us too.

Even if you don’t agree with my biblical perspective, that’s OK. I would encourage you to study the Bible and come to your own conclusions, as well as to find your own comfort. If you don’t know Jesus, please meet Him, because He is waiting to provide wisdom, peace, and even joy, in the midst of any mess. And there’s nothing messier than dealing with an addict. I know this too well.

It is my hope that by telling our story, you may find solace in knowing you are not alone. ere are others who understand your pain and who are willing to share with you, care for you, and love you through what you’re living. As you read, we’ll step together through the valleys, and also climb the mountaintops. I’ll tell you things I wish someone had told me, in hopes of sparing you even a minute more pain and anguish. I’ll provide you with other resources for help—they are out there, but often hard to find. At the end of each chapter, you will also find a short section called Practical Helps for Overcoming Emotional Paralysis. By turning the following pages, you will walk with me, and after reading this book, I’ll have walked with you. Together, we will learn how to move forward, in spite of the roadblock called addiction.

Chapter 1

THE DAY WE FOUND OUT

JANUARY 22, 2003

This was my best work ever. I spent the day at a client’s home with a photographer taking pictures of my latest residential painting commission. I had transformed the foyer’s eight columns and highlighted the step risers on the gracefully curved open staircase. By capturing the raised dado wall panels and massive trim surrounding the openings to the rest of this stately home, its unique beauty shined.

Standing back to have a final look, I felt happy with the illusion of Siena marble I had created. My study with European masters in the art of marbling, along with years of practice, had paid off. is was a decorative artist’s dream job, and I was excited to have professional photos of my finest project to add to my portfolio. My cell phone didn’t get good reception at this site, but I was glad for the lack of interruption.

I felt lighter as I walked to the car, pleased with the seven good shots we’d gotten over the course of the day.

My phone rang as soon as I sat down and placed my hands on the steering wheel. It was my husband, Joseph. His voice sounded rather flat. I stiffened. “What’s wrong?”

“David called. I’m meeting him at Hinsdale Hospital,” my husband said. From that moment on, my life would never be the same.

As it turned out, our son David had tried to reach me during the day, but when I didn’t answer, he called his dad at work. David was on his way to the hospital. He was admitting himself for a medical detox. I would soon discover more details. David’s addiction? Heroin.

e hospital was an hour and a half away and as my car raced there, so did my mind. My pulse pounded. I labored to breathe. My thoughts and emotions were a blur. I couldn’t make sense out of what I’d just heard, but the reality would soon present evidence I didn’t want to see.

When I arrived, I found my son, my firstborn, in a hospital bed in the fetal position. As I entered the room, he cried. I held him tight and all he could say was “I’m sorry, Mom.”

is was the beginning of an eighteen-year journey that led to the writing of this book—a quest for healing from lives shattered and broken relationships. But the real beginning started years before David took courage and cried out for help.

FEELINGS OF INFERIORITY

From childhood, our oldest child had always displayed confidence, he was the kid who was good at whatever he did. He learned piano easily without much practice, and pitched fastballs that impressed the coaches the first time he tried out for Little League.

Growing up, David had friends in both the musician and jock camps, but not one best buddy he could always depend on. He didn’t have a friend he could share his innermost thoughts and feelings with. Somewhere in his teens, he lost the confidence to say, “Hey, where are you guys going? I’m coming with.” Instead, he shrank back in fear of rejection, as Satan whispered in his ear that he wasn’t worthy of acceptance. Our son’s self-esteem was damaged far beyond what we realized.

David began to escape his secret loneliness with drinking, and eventually escalated to the use of various drugs. In high school, much of our family time was spent going to the extracurricular events both our sons were heavily involved in. My husband and I cherished every moment. At times we could see David’s insecurities, but thought, All teenagers question themselves. We did and we outgrew our feelings of inferiority.

We didn’t understand a red flag was waving. Nor did we know that some children never withdraw from family activities or stop participating as a sign of drug use. Some are able to pretend normal, while living a double life.

David hid the depths of his deep misery from us. Unbeknownst to us, he was deep into drugs by the time he graduated from high school. For over a year, he even had what seemed to be a fun, loving relationship with a steady girlfriend. But looking back, I can now see the impact from his inability to love himself. For me, the realization that my life would never be the same evoked many emotions. I found it challenging to come to terms with the fact that my son was in a life-threatening battle with addiction. How was I supposed to find peace while worrying about my child and having my life turned upside down?

If you’re reading this, you’ve probably known or loved someone suffering from addiction. You’ve likely felt shock,

disappointment, anger, fear, confusion, shame, isolation, and even hopelessness as you struggled to discover answers. In case you question it, let me ease your mind—you are not the first or the only.

As a survivor of the unimaginable, there are a few things I’ve learned and know to be true. ere is always hope. Peace is attainable. And no one, no matter what it looks like, wants to be an addict. I’m confident of these truths, because that phone call from David would not be the last of its kind. His struggles did not end with high school.

PRACTICAL HELPS FOR OVERCOMING EMOTIONAL PARALYSIS

➢ Commit to listening and learning in the early days, after discovering your loved one is struggling with substance abuse. ere are always reasons behind their search for emotional relief.

➢ Substance abuse is almost always accompanied by deep insecurity. Choose your words wisely. Verbal attacks leveled at someone who already hates himself or herself may worsen the situation, but most certainly will not improve it. It’s a fine line between letting your child, spouse, parent, sibling, other family member, or friend know you do not condone the abuse of drugs and/or alcohol, while assuring them you care about them unconditionally.