Digital LIFE & CULTURE Fall 2020 by Megan Mahlik

FALL 2020

HOW TO BE A GOOD HOST

PRICELESS

S E N I O R Y E A R WA S N O T CANCELLED

ISSUE 5

A LETTER FROM THE CURATORS

ear Reader, what a trying time we have all faced. The key word there is “all." None of us have escaped the confusion, anxiety, stress and frustration of the past 6 months due to a worldwide pandemic. Some of us faced it differently and felt emotions immediately in the spring while others had delayed responses and grief. If you had a child that was graduating high school or college in 2020, you found yourself walking through a time of loss with them while trying to hold it together for your now, grown child. I know, this is typically the letter where Shawn and/or I can encourage you. I am going to get to that. To be encouraged is to have courage added to you. Therefore, I would like to add courage to you by first acknowledging that this season has been hard and you are not alone. The enemy would love for you to feel alone and defeated and keep you there. This is, like all issues of Life & Culture, designed to help you have hope, think bigger, dream again and gain practical tips to grow personally. This is now our fifth edition of Life & Culture Magazine. Thank you for pivoting with us and downloading this edition rather than turning the pages of the beautiful spread that is always produced to inspire. In this issue we have content about the importance of finding your people, being a good host, building resilient kids, sharing in the joy of your graduating students, and much more. Thank you for reading, listening to our variety of podcasts, watching our docuseries on YouTube, Facebook or Instagram, and sharing your appreciation and love for all we push forward to provide. We love you, Shawn & Sonny Hennessy The Exchange Brand Life Church Green Bay

LIFE & CULTURE MAGAZINE

VOLUME NUMBER FIVE Founder & Culture Strategist Sonny Hennessy Editor in Chief Megan Mahlik Executive Director KC Garania Design Director DJ Ford Design Contributors Megan Mahlik Contributing Editors Jena Archiquette KC Garania Stephanie Gubics Shanen Sadowski Amy Woods

Writers & Content Contributors Becky Alcantar Risa Alcantar Kaliyah Garania KC Garania Jason Heinritz Shawn Hennessy Sonny Hennessy Ginny Pierce Lori Serrato Krista Shaw Mia Spencer The Exchange Eye Heart World

Photography Keith Archiquette Chris Eastman Scott Eastman

PARTNER WITH US If you are interested in submitting content or would like to get involved, please email lifeandculture@lifechurchgb.com If you are interested in advertising in the next publication of Life & Culture, please email lifeandculture@lifechurchgb.com Ad sales benefit Life Church’s mission to support Eye Heart World and the fight against human trafficking.

The information provided in this magazine is intended to bring joy and hope to those who read it. Articles in Life & Culture are copyrighted and must not be reprinted, duplicated or transmitted without the written permission of Life Giving Publishers. The paid advertisements contained within Life & Culture are not endorsed by Life Giving Publishers. Therefore, Life Giving Publishers is not liable or responsible for the business practices of these companies. All rights reserved. Copyright © 2020 by Life Giving Publishers

ISSUE 5

CO N T E N TS

OUTDOOR TRAILS

THE I M P O R TA N C E O F YOUR POCKET

KEYS TO BEING AN ENTREPRENEUR

READING M AT E R I A L

OUT OF THE SHADOWS

BUILDING RESILIENT KIDS

SENIOR YEAR WA S N O T CANCELLED

F E AT U R E D SENIORS

C E L E B R AT I N G FA M I LY W I N S

FINDING A PA S S I O N F O R FUN

8 HOW TO BE A GOOD HOST

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

LIFE & CULTURE MAGAZINE

OUTDOOR TRAILS

here is joy to be found in the outdoors! Summers in Wisconsin are synonymous with backyard barbecues, patio parties and bonfires. If you are looking for a little more adventure outside of your backyard, gear up for Wisconsin’s well-known hiking and biking trails. Whether you enjoy a relaxing walk, challenging climb or flying through the trails on two wheels, Wisconsin will not disappoint with the variety of trails it has to offer. Grab some family and friends and get ready with your hiking boots, helmets, backpacks and all the essentials to take a journey on the great state of Wisconsin trails! Close to home

If you are looking to stay close to home, there are some really beautiful trails right here in the (920). There are trails for biking, hiking and walking and they offer a variety of scenic adventures.

BY KC GA R A N I A

Fox River Trail One of the most popular and accessible in the (920) is the Fox River Trail. The trail is 26.3 miles with the northern 12 miles of the trail being paved and the southern 14 miles with crushed limestone. It begins in downtown Green Bay, where you can enjoy great city views and make a stop on the popular City Deck. As the trail continues south into De Pere, there are some great places to make a detour along the way if you are in need of a treat like Dairy Queen, or Zesty’s frozen custard. If you continue down the trail, you’ll experience some peaceful nature areas with the views of woods and fields. This trail is easily enjoyed on foot, rollerblades or a bike.

ISSUE 5

Reforestation Camp This 9.3-mile loop of trails features easy to intermediate riding for mountain bikers. You will be surrounded by dense forest as you ride through the rolling terrain. There are a few sharp climbs that are easily manageable. Pack a lunch so when you are done riding you can enjoy a picnic near one of the many ponds found within the Reforestation camp. He-Nis-Ra Trail Known for its wintertime ski trails, He-Nis-Ra also offers some fun for summertime adventurers! He-NisRa offers picturesque forestry while you bike through its wide trails. The 2.3-mile trail has a few fun hills that will let you catch some speed. Take a lap in about 30 minutes or multiple laps for a longer ride. More Trails Further from Home The state of Wisconsin has so much to offer with beautiful forests, lakes and nature trails that make up our great state. If you are willing to take a drive, check out these other trails that you won’t regret spending time in. Devil’s Lake State Park Devil’s Lake State Park is located in Baraboo, Wisconsin. It boasts over 9,000-acres of park for walking or hiking. There are numerous trails to choose from that range from easy to difficult. You can hike along the bluffs with stunning views of the lake or you can spend your entire hike in the forest. There are trails that offer shade, paved ways, rocky steep climbs and picturesque views. One of the most popular trails is Devil's Doorway where you can snap a picture of the iconic Devil's Doorway rock formation. You can choose which trail to explore based on your skill level and how much time you have. Badger State Trail The Badger State Trail travels 40 miles through the communities of Madison, Fitchburg, Basco, Belleville, Monticello, Monroe and Clarno. You will ride through various scenic views like farmlands, woods, hills, meadows and ravines. The highlight for any rider on the trail is the 1,200-foot long Stewart Tunnel. Because the tunnel is built on a curve, riders cannot see the other end when first entering the tunnel. Bring along a flashlight and walk your bike through the tunnel to the other side. It is sure to be an adventure you will remember! Green Circle Trail The Green Circle is a 27-mile hiking and biking trail that loops through the Stevens Point area. The trail is a mix of pavement and crushed gravel that winds around and through Stevens Point, Plover, Whiting, Park Ridge and the Town of Hull. Whether you walk, bike, run, or hike the breathtaking scenic views will be worth every mile! Don’t forget to watch for the birds! The path follows the banks of the Wisconsin and Plover Rivers. The variety of habitats within the trail make it a perfect place to see an incredible diversity of birds, at least 245 different species! 6

LIFE & CULTURE MAGAZINE

The Importance of Finding Your Pocket BY KC GARANIA

f anything has become apparent in the last few months, it’s that connection to people is paramount.

Maybe we didn't really understand it until the ability to be with people anytime, anywhere, became limited or off-limits. We all did the virtual thing for a while, and at first that felt like it filled the void, but after a few months, virtual connection became— well— not fun! We need physical connection. Right now, that looks like shrinking our circle, limiting our space, finding new ways to be with our circle. That’s your pocket of people, y’know, people you always want to carry around with you. That pocket could be your family, or your neighbors, or the best friends your kids call aunt and uncle. Whoever your pocket is, you would agree that they are a necessity to helping you feel connected. They are the people you call first when you need help, or are celebrating, or have a problem and need advice.

I found my pocket by taking a chance and joining a small group of people I didn't know at all. Quickly a connection was made, and meeting once a week for a scheduled group turned into meeting up on weekends for barbecues, birthday parties and eventually vacations together! I learned the value of a pocket of people isn't in the scheduled, planned events, but in the unexpected moments that happen in everyday life. Our world and environment is different, but you can still connect and develop your relationship with your pocket of people. Maybe you are reading this and feel like you don’t have a pocket. If that’s you, look for opportunities in your community, your church, your school or at your place of employment. Many places are offering options to meet in smaller group settings. Grab your neighbor or sister or closest friend and participate. Take a chance! You never know who you will meet that will end up being part of your pocket.

ISSUE 5

HOW TO BE A GOOD HOST

BY M E GA N M A H L I K

o we really have to go to so-and-so’s tonight? asks your spouse. You sigh. You secretly agree, recalling the last time you were at said friend’s home. The dog immediately drooling on your shoes, Legos underfoot, a bathroom run out of toilet paper, heat set to an ungodly temperature, and, worst of all, food that imposed on all of your allergies. Anyone can be a host, but not all are good hosts.

or sensitivities you have that I could be sure to avoid?” Many people now eat gluten-free, dairy-free, or vegan. Prepare a few snacks that would cater to that person; and it does not need to be fancy. Vegetables and fruit with gluten-free crackers and hummus make a good starting point for inclusive, healthy snacks. Stay away from processed food and overly sugary drinks and treats.

The art of hosting has become something we imagine exists for boarding-school, the rich and famous, five-star restaurant goers and royals. But, etiquette is indeed just as necessary for you and I.

Are any of your guests allergic to pets? Even if they are not, give your home a good vacuum and dust—pet dander is an instant turn off. On that note, absolutely lock up your pet(s) before your guests arrive. Your old, half-blind, friendly golden retriever can be too friendly and, well, no one enjoys being, you know, sniffed.

Being a good host exceeds lighting a candle and saying the, “I’m sorry my house is such a mess,” line. Guests do not expect you to have catered in or rented a violin quartet, but they do expect tidiness, a bit of formality, and their basic needs thought of and met. Here are five ways to refine your hosting skills. 1. Anticipate their needs. A simple text sent a few days before your visitors arrive will set the tone for not only your consideration, but help you anticipate their needs. “Hi friend! I can’t wait to see you. Are there any allergies

2. Keep things neutral. Yes. Your friends know you love loud rock music, but they, do not. Likewise, your taste in overpowering scented plug-ins may be bringing your friends to tears. Keep things such as scents, music, décor, noise levels, heating and cooling levels, and entertainment to a neutral level. Imagine being in a nice hotel lobby—what’s seemingly unnoticeable? Try to minimize anything that stands out in your home.

LIFE & CULTURE MAGAZINE

If you are cooking for your guests, try to do so early on to give your house time to air out. Once your home is clean and clear, do the once over. Flick on a quiet Pandora station, light a fresh-smelling candle, and give your bathrooms a final once over with a Clorox wipe, ensuring there’s a clean towel, soap and extra toilet paper. 3. Clean. Seems… obvious. But let’s refresh. Clean doesn’t mean a spring cleaning, but it does mean an hour or more of work. Spraying Febreze over the top of your sofa and pile of used dishes doesn’t count— sorry. Cleaning can be overwhelming if you’re doing it wrong. It’s easy to get sidetracked and wind up scrubbing pen marks off your walls behind the sofa for 45 minutes. If you feel like you don’t know where to start, follow this guide. - Begin with the glaring. Dishes, unmade beds, piles of clothes, piles of toys, piles of work papers and other miscellaneous junk. - Attack the dirt. Sweep, vacuum, dust, wipe surfaces such as counters and appliances, pound out cushions, Windex windows, sanitize the bathrooms. - Primp the place. Put out your nice dishtowel, wipe off the pen mark from wherever you found it, lay out the food, crack a window. And remember, even if you don’t clean ahead of time, don’t apologize for the “mess.” It could be a source of embarrassment to someone who is not as tidy as you. It is ok for people to know you live in your home!

4. Be polite. Don’t expect your guests to feel as at home as you do. Wear socks and appropriate clothing, don’t stomp around or yell at your kids or spouse loudly, and don’t tell people where the cups are, grab one for them. Avoid any phone calls or moments where you leave the room unless it is urgent. Think of your guests’ comfort before your own, and this will all be a breeze. When your guests arrive, go through a quick procedure. Welcome them and usher them inside. Take their jacket and let them know if they should take their shoes off. Walk them into your home and point out where the bathroom is right away (this will save them from awkwardly asking). Offer a beverage. Do this for each guest as they arrive. 5. Attempt to converse with everyone. Hosting often comes with the crippling fear of having to fill the silence. Have a few games set aside to play when the conversation gets stale or come up with a few conversation fillers like, “What is something you are grateful for today?” It’s always amazing the conversation that comes out of a simple start. Remember your guests probably feel the pressure as much as you, especially if you are new friends or acquaintances. As for the children, provide a space for them to play away from adults so you are able to enjoy conversation without interruption. Depending on the formality of the visit, a babysitter for especially young ones is not out of consideration. Above all, relax and be a good friend—your guests will love spending time with you!

ISSUE 5

S I X K E Y S TO THRIVING AS AN ENTREPRENEUR BY JASON HEINRITZ

here is a lot of buzz right now regarding owning your own business. Becoming an entrepreneur can create the life of your dreams or turn into your worst nightmare. If you are an entrepreneur or considering starting your own business, I hope these tips shine some light on what it takes to suc-ceed. Let’s dive in. 1. Think long-term and commit to the daily process. Most people see the benefits of being an entrepreneur years after someone has put in countless hours of work. People see the re-sults, but they often don’t consider the reality of the hard work and the daily grind that it takes to be successful. If you’re looking to start your own business or be an entrepreneur, be ready to take it seriously and dive all in. You’ll need daily discipline to stick to building the business, even when you don’t feel like it. You may have heard the quote, “It takes 10 years to create an overnight success.” I find this to be very accurate. By the time you hear about the company, artist, or product, it’s been years of dedication by someone to get to that point. Don’t let the 1% miracle startups mislead you. Entrepreneurship and leadership are tough and you will have many times you feel like giving up. If you want to succeed, you need to have a long-term vision and passion to give you the motivation to continue building your dream. 2. Fall in love with failure. The more you fail, the more you’ll succeed. Usually the best people at their craft have failed the most. Failure can provide an opportunity to learn

from your mistakes. For example, leading scorers in basketball are the players taking the most shots. They are not only making the most shots, but at the same time missing the most shots. In order to be a successful entrepreneur, you have to understand failure. Failure is part of life and is a part of business. However, failure isn’t final! Don’t let fear stop you from taking action and making mistakes. If you’re looking for a great book to read as a new entrepreneur, I highly recommend The Entrepreneurship Roller Coaster by Darren Hardy. 3. Get great at selling. You have to be willing to sell and prepared for rejection. Unfortunate-ly, some of the highpressure and pushy salespeople give sales a bad name. When the sales process is done correctly, it is simply a fun conversation resulting in you helping people. Sales makes the world go round as most of business is sales. In life, you are either selling an idea, a service, a product, or yourself. Parents are selling their kids to listen, teachers are selling their students to finish homework and friends are selling each other to come hang out. Are you seeing the point? Sales is a numbers game and a process. The more people you get in front of, the more people that have a chance to be interested in what you’re promoting. A great place to start if you don’t have sales experience, is trying out an entry level sales job or to shadow someone who is an entrepreneur to see if you like it. 4. Get comfortable being uncomfortable. Successful entrepreneurs often face instances of feeling scared. In Joshua 1:9, God commands us: “Be strong and courageous! Do not be

LIFE & CULTURE MAGAZINE

afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” When I face an uncomfortable challenge or conversation that I need to have, I think of this verse. I have my share of insecurities and doubts, but don’t we all? The more uncomfortable challenges you take on, the quicker you’ll become a successful leader and entrepreneur. You may have heard the quote, “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” Typically, our biggest break throughs happen when we get outside of our comfort zone. Put yourself out there and start getting uncomfortable. 5. Choose Growth. To grow your business, you must grow yourself. Your level of success, leadership and income will rarely rise above your level of personal growth. For example, if you’re a level five leader, there is no chance of having level 10 success. For most people in-terested in becoming an entrepreneur, I recommend they spend three to six months focused on growing and developing themselves. Already considering the excuse that you don’t have time? Sure, you do. The screen time app reports showed that in 2019, adults spent an average of 3.25 hours looking at their phone. Yikes. If you cut that in half, you would have plenty of time to work on yourself! In 2012, a Cutco alumni, Hal Elrod, wrote The Miracle Morning. This book took my personal growth to a new level. He challenges you to wake up one hour early to work on yourself using daily personal growth disciplines. I cre-ated my own version of this and have done it every morning since December of 2012. My typical Miracle Morning consists of: • Exercise • Learn from a podcast or book • Spend time with God in devotionals and prayer • Journal • Plan out the final details of my day • Meditate • Write down three things I’m grateful for

This practice has been transformational to my level of success and happiness. I know it could be transformative for you as well! 6. Find other successful entrepreneurs. Model after them and surround yourself with them because success leaves clues. I’ve been very careful of who I surround myself with. We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. Want proof? Take the average weight, income, happiness, G.P.A., etc., of the people you spend the most time with. Got it? That average is most likely close to your situation in each area. If you want to be a suc-cessful entrepreneur, surround yourself with them. Stop hanging out with negative friends as often because they may be holding you back. I had a craving to find really successful men in their business and faith and wanted to surround myself with great people. Four years ago, at a Life Church men’s retreat, about a dozen of us started a Christian entrepre-neur group called Young C.E.O. of the 920 (Christian Entrepreneurship Outfit). I have loved learning from and doing life with these guys. You can even find influencers on pod-casts or YouTube. I watch and listen a few of my favorite leaders online so much, that they have sometimes been in my top five. Seek out people succeeding at the level you want to and ask them for tips. Offer to take them to coffee and pick their brain. They will be busy, but what I’ve found about successful entrepreneurs is that most of them enjoy sharing what they’ve learned and helping others succeed as well. After reading those six keys to thriving as an entrepreneur, I hope you are better equipped to take your business to a new level or give entrepreneurship a shot. If you have other questions, connect with me on social media and I’d love to help! If you’re a student or young person who wants to see if sales, marketing, or entrepreneurship is something that interests you, apply at WiStudentWork.com

About the Author Jason Heinritz is an entrepreneur at heart and is the author of an Amazon best-selling book, Con-quer the Post College Passion Slump. He is the vector Northwood division manager for Cutco. He manages the Fox Valley office and oversees offices in the north half of Wisconsin. He has trained over 2,000 reps to demonstrate and market Cutco Cutlery, which has produced over 14.6 million dollars in revenue. Jason coaches the reps, who are mostly college students, in the life skills they need to succeed adding to their formal college education. He and his wife Abby, who manages The Exchange, have been attending Life Church since 2014. Earlier this year, they had their first child, Micah!

ISSUE 5

R E A D I N G M AT E RI A L BOOKS AVAILABLE AT THE EXCHANGE MERCANTILE

brown girl dreaming, by Jacqueline woodson Raised in South Carolina and New York, Woodson always felt halfway home in each place. In vivid poems, she shares what it was like to grow up as an African American in the 1960s and 1970s, living with the remnants of Jim Crow and her growing awareness of the Civil Rights movement. Touching and powerful, each poem is both accessible and emotionally charged.

I am enough, by Grace byers This gorgeous, lyrical ode to loving who you are, respecting others, and being kind to one another comes from Empire actor and activist Grace Byers and talented newcomer artist Keturah A. Bobo.

T h e C r o s s o v e r , b y K wa m e Alexander As their winning season unfolds, things begin to change. When Jordan meets a girl, the twins’ bond unravels.Told in dynamic verse, this fast and furious middle grade novel that started it all absolutely bounces with rhythm and bursts with heart.

Dear martin, by Nic stone Justyce McAllister is a good kid, an honor student, and always there to help a friend— but none of that matters to the police officer who just put him in handcuffs. Despite leaving his rough neighborhood behind, he can't escape the scorn of his former peers or the ridicule of his new classmates.

T h e U n d e f e at e d, by K wa m e A l e x a n d e r Originally performed for ESPN's The Undefeated, this poem is a love letter to black life in the United States. It highlights the unspeakable trauma of slavery, the faith and fire of the civil rights movement, and the grit, passion, and perseverance of some of the world's greatest heroes.

LIFE & CULTURE MAGAZINE

The Exchange is located at 317 Main Avenue in De Pere, WI 13

ISSUE 5

MAGAZINE DLIFE O O R& CULTURE COUNTY , WI BY D AV E H O E F L E R

ISSUE 5

Hope in the shadows: a mother's perspective on addiction BY MIA SPENCER

ith my arms bent at the elbows, palms up, fingers splayed, I cried out to God, “How can this possibly be happening to us? We were good parents! We raised our children in the church! We prayed and read the Bible together. We did family devotionals, for crying out loud!” At one point, my pride was so great that I stomped my foot and yelled at God saying, “We did everything right!” Looking back at my arrogance, I am so grateful that God never takes offense when we share our real emotions with Him. I so appreciate the example David set throughout the book of Psalms. One minute he was praising God and the next he was crying out in pain, not sure what to say and wondering if God even heard him. I can relate to that. Finding out that our daughter had become addicted to heroin was one of the most emotional and shocking moments of my life. Our world suddenly turned upside down and all the things we thought we had done to protect our children and train them up in the way they should go suddenly seemed to vaporize like smoke before our eyes. We had to accept the fact that we even though we were good parents, that didn’t stop addiction from coming into our family. Like all parents, we made our fair share of mistakes but we also knew we could stand before the face of God and honestly say we had put our

hearts and souls into raising our children to love the Lord and follow Him with all their heart, soul, mind and strength. Being good parents does not come with a money-back guarantee or a safety net from the evils of the world. What our faith does guarantee is that God will be with us through any crisis and that he will hold us through the storms of life. He is our safety net. Even when it felt like the life we thought we had created for our family was stolen from us. Addiction is a thief. It stole the daughter we knew and loved. It stole her faith. It stole her purpose. It stole her hopes for a future. It stole her passion for horses and all things equestrian. It stole her dream of someday becoming an attorney. It stole her health and her mind. It came very close to stealing her very last breath. Recovery is a long road and one that can only be driven by the addict themselves. After trying to manipulate and control her recovery by forcing her into rehab, having her incarcerated, setting up all kinds of boundaries and parameters, we finally had to let go and let God handle it. Personally, I had to recognize that if I truly believed all the things I had said I believed, I had no choice but to trust His timing. I had often quoted the scripture in Jeremiah 29:11 that promises God has a plan for each of us. A plan to prosper and not to harm us. A plan to give us hope and a future.

LIFE & CULTURE MAGAZINE

But could I apply that verse to our family’s circumstances, or was it just one of those things we tend to say to make people feel better? What if God’s plan looked different than what I wanted? What if His timing was not fast enough for me? One day while talking to her by phone when she was in jail she said, “I have to go, mom. It’s time for Bible study.” I was surprised to hear that there was a Bible study being offered in jail and I was so happy to hear that she wanted to attend! After her time in jail, she ended up going to another rehab facility. This one was state sponsored, not the faith-based rehab that we had tried to line up for her. She found recovery and came to an understanding of God’s unconditional love for her. She worked hard to get clean and by the grace of God, she now knows that He can redeem any person who turns their life and will over to Him. She started quoting that very same verse in Jeremiah 29:11 and began telling others about how God could forgive us for anything and change the path of our lives. God redeemed everything that addiction had stolen from her. He restored her body and her mind. She renewed her passion for horse training and has turned our very stubborn and willful horse into a gentleman. Her dream of being an attorney came alive again and she decided to apply to law school. Not an easy thing to do with a criminal conviction. But God is a miracle worker. She has been clean for almost 3 years now and

is about to complete her 2nd year of law school. She openly shares her story of hope and redemption with anyone who needs to hear it, especially those who are dealing with addiction. She is our miracle. An everyday reminder that God’s plan for each of us is that we turn our lives over to Him and allow him to redeem the parts inside of us that we want to control. He does not owe us a pain free life, even if we have done our best to live our life for him. God promises us that the plans for our life are good and at the same time, he offers hope to get us through the hard times. Our job is to trust Him and step out of the way, even when we don’t know what the future holds. As for me, I will always have hope. Hope for every addict that turns to God. I now serve with the Brown County Jail Ministry offering Bible Studies to women who are just like my daughter… women in need of hope and a fresh understanding of God’s unconditional love.

As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more. My mouth will tell of your righteous deeds, of your saving acts all day long – though I know not how to relate them all. (Psalm 71:14-15)

ISSUE 5

They are beside us for our best moments and for our worst. They see each angle of us and know our faults like their own. They support us, confide in us, challenge us, frustrate us, love, us.

F a m i ly

As time goes by, family dynamics change, sometimes in big ways; off to college or a new job sometimes in small moments; a first haircut or wiggly tooth. Together, we adapt and adjust find joy in the rhythm and make do with what we got. We figure it out together— carpool schedules, late-night ER trips, quarantines, and debates over the best kind of birthday cake. We’re not always perfect, but we’re always family.

BY MEGAN MAHLIK

LIFE & CULTURE MAGAZINE

Building Resilient Kids BY LORI SERRATTO

he rapid and significant changes to how we are living our lives since COVID-19 has brought out a whole range of feelings. To be honest, it has also brought out some challenging behaviors and emotional reactions from my kids that can sometimes leave me feeling puzzled about how to respond. Can you relate? Perhaps it’s not every day, but it’s almost as if the kids hold secret planning meetings to coordinate who’s going to have the “off day,” and then ping pong the emotions back and forth just to keep me on my toes. Staying calm enough to respond instead of overreact is something I continue to work on, even as a Child and Parent Coach. But when I reflect back on these “off days,” I question if I leveraged the opportunity to help my kids, and myself, become more resilient. When we have strong resilience, day-to-day joy becomes within reach for all of us. See, “resilience” is not only about bouncing back from a stressful situation, it encompasses a set of skills that equip you to move through challenges with confidence and optimism, coming out the other side even stronger. We love our kids unconditionally and dream of their future success, but obstacles will undoubtedly pop up along the way. COVID-19 is one clear example of this. Instead of trying to anxiously fight off the multitude of challenges that may block that path to achieving purpose and joy, doesn’t it make more sense to focus on equipping our kids with the tools to navigate the complicated journey,

increasing their confidence that they’ve “got this” as well as your loving support to do so? You might say to yourself, “My kids are fine, and they’re naturally resilient, right?” Well, the research is clear that resilience is something learned and strengthened, just like a muscle, through practice and training. Yes, children are capable of overcoming and will develop coping skills regardless. However, not all coping strategies are equally effective for lifelong well-being. The rise in anxiety and depression in teenagers is a big red flag that many kids are not actually as “fine” as parents may have thought, and these kids seem to fly under the radar for too long. Resilience becomes the deciding factor between which teens wind up faring well in life, and which ones don’t. Even more, we sometimes unintentionally encourage our kids to appear resilient, when in fact they haven’t yet become competent in handling their thoughts and emotions during stress. Just imagine, what would it look like if more kids were equipped at a younger age with authentic resilience? What impact will your child make in the world with the confidence to move toward their passion? As parents, how can we build resilient kids who experience joy? Let’s break down five skill sets your child can strengthen to become even more resilient.

ISSUE 5

Resilient Kids Keep Cool Do your kids know what to do with their “big” feelings? Kids who understand how to “keep cool” are better prepared to overcome life’s challenges. In the mental health world, we call this skill emotion regulation, meaning, the ability to identify your feelings and direct them back to a calmer state. Kids need ongoing support with this skill and they learn first-hand by watching the way you manage your own stress. Negative behaviors are often an attempt to self-regulate in response to stress; trying to escape it or make it go away. Parents play an important role in coaching their kids to express a range of feelings in an appropriate way (such as talking, playing, or drawing), and responding with empathy. Emotional reactivity is the biggest enemy when it comes to making good choices and having great relationships. Whenever kids or adults get heated, we regress and function at an immature level. This is because physical reactions are happening in the body and we are not accessing the part of our brain that helps us make rational decisions. There are specific strategies even very young children can learn to pay attention to their emotional temperature and how it shows up physically in their body. Emotion regulation is enhanced with both physical self-care (such as sleep, nutrition and exercise), and emotional well-being. With this developed self-awareness, kids can take steps to be in a calmer place where thoughtful decisions about their behavior can be made. Having several positive coping strategies is the best protection against unsafe and worrisome behaviors developing. Resilient Kids Stop Stinkin’ Thinkin’ How our kids think about what is going on in and around them has additional impact on their behaviors and ability to overcome. “Stinkin’ thinkin’” is what I call those thoughts that are unhelpful and usually incorrect. They are thoughts like, “I’m not good enough to get it right.” They encourage us to feel bad about ourselves, do things that don’t align with our true values and make it harder to get along with other people. When kids have unhelpful thinking, their behaviors can look to us like arguing, whining, withdrawal or just plain being mean. Often, stinkin’ thinkin’ is an automatic thought that may be an innocent attempt to make sense of the world but is misinformed. Kids need to know that not all of their thoughts are true and that it’s possible to shift thinking to something more helpful. Educating kids in an age-appropriate way about how to notice their thoughts, reframe the unhelpful ones and direct their thinking toward healthier thoughts will prepare them to overcome challenges. Optimism and flexible thinking that allow space for problem-solving are key skills in building a child's resilience. An easy way for parents to support healthier thinking is sharing the silver-lining in every situation. How have you grown from this challenging COVID-19 experience? Over time, this will create new, optimistic thought patterns in the brain. Resilient Kids are Talented Talkers and Listeners It’s easy to overlook good communication skills as a part of building resilience, but in fact it’s a big deal. Resilience isn’t simply a trait within a person, it’s actually strengthened in relationship to other people. A resilient child is able to say, “I can handle this, and I have people to help me if it gets too hard.” When there is a breakdown in communication, however, there is often a breakdown in connection and relationship. 20

LIFE & CULTURE MAGAZINE

Practicing effective communication skills creates the opportunity for deeper connection in relationships. Kids who have assertiveness training are not only better equipped to express themselves clearly, but it also helps them understand how to negotiate challenging social interactions. Great family communication gives kids the experience of being listened to and feeling understood, while also opening space for everyone in the family to express themselves appropriately. This creates a more cohesive family and gives kids a sense of security that they belong. Resilient Kids Reject Crummy Character It’s probably safe to assume you want to raise your kids to be good people – kind, honest, joyful, moral, responsible and faithful. But in this fast-paced world that prizes individual success and instant gratification, parents need to take an active role in shaping good character in kids rather than leave it up to chance. Becoming clear on your family’s core values and modeling them provides that guiding light your child can return back to during challenging times and gives them a framework to reject “crummy character.” Closely tied to your character and values, is your sense of selfworth. Resilience is strengthened when you know that you matter, and that you have a purpose and contribution to make in this world. Research confirms that staying connected to your most deeply held values and sense of purpose not only builds resilience but also has consequences on your physical health, longevity and well-being. Kids can start developing an understanding of their impact on the world by experiencing acts of giving and receiving; sharing when there is plenty and asking for help when times are hard.

Resilient Kids Have Standout Sidekicks While parents are the primary influence in building resilience, children are also deeply affected by the friendships and community around them. Isolation or feeling like you don’t belong is very distressing. Social skills education boosts your child’s ability to make and maintain quality friendships, as well as future romantic and professional relationships. Cultivating various social groups with friends, relatives, neighbors, community organizations, church and school is an important task we want kids to practice for many reasons. For one, having diverse social groups broadens our perspective and lends itself to more flexible thinking. Being thoughtful about the social circles your family engages with and surrounding yourself with people of character will provide your kids with even more examples of how they can be in this world. Supporting your kids to join organizations that share your same values will help reinforce them further. Furthermore, having a variety of social support networks makes it more likely that a struggling child will reach out for and accept help, which may be the ultimate act of resilience. Now, you might read this and feel like, “Wow, I’ve really messed up.” Hey, I mess up, too – and I study this stuff! Please understand that you can always go back and make things right. Every day gives you the opportunity to model resilience and express to your children the message, “I believe you are capable, and I am here for you if you need me.” When you consistently show up for your kids and love them for who they are, they can take those healthy risks needed to navigate this complicated world resiliently and with joy.

ISSUE 5

Senior Year was Not Cancelled INTERVIEW WITH BECKY & RISA ALCANTAR

ew seniors could sit back this year and feel like they had a perfect ending to their school chapter. With schools quickly turning to online classes once the pandemic struck, seniors missed out on some of those final milestones they dreamed about for years. Events that were meant to kindly propel students to the next phase of life while reflecting on the past one, were just, cancelled. Meet 18-year-old Risa and her mom, Becky. Like other seniors, Risa had counted down the days to finishing high school, final school events, and walking across the stage as her name was called out. But life had another plan. What was the most memorable experience from your time at school this year? RISA: My most memorable experience from school this past year was my last homecoming week. Homecoming was one of my favorite high school traditions. Everyone was in a good mood and we had fun all week. It’s something I looked forward to at the start of every school year. Mom, how did that experience make you feel for Risa? BECKY: There was so much excitement and anticipation early in the year. And we were looking forward to celebrating and supporting Risa as she finished out her high school experience. What’s been the biggest disappointment for both of you? RISA: My biggest disappointment so far was not being able to experience the remainder of my senior year. Finishing high school and experiencing all the traditional senior events had been something I looked forward to from freshman year, and even earlier. I saw every class before me go through all the fun activities and have a traditional graduation and I couldn’t wait for mine. I wanted to experience the last few moments with

my friends and class-- it's the little moments that I will miss not having. BECKY: Risa is our first-born, and so high school senior year and graduation was a first for all of us. We have all been anticipating this rite of passage. It was disappointing to watch the pinnacle experiences of that year be taken away one by one. It was difficult to watch her experience another loss before she could fully process and grieve the last loss. Parents want the best for their kids, and we’re used to being able to help make things better. But in this case, it was all new to us as well, and so all we could do was be present with her and experience it together. How are you navigating that disappointment together? RISA: My mom and I talk about it a lot. I wasn’t able to talk about it right away, but my mom was always there for me even when I didn’t share my feelings with her. She never gave up on me and stayed with me through it all. My mom always knows how to get me to share how I’m feeling with her. She makes me feel better and helps me to figure things out, and I am very thankful for that. BECKY: We’ve really tried to be intentional about giving equal time for the grief of the disappointment as well as being grateful and positive. It was important to focus on the good to put the whole situation in perspective. A quarter of a year of unexpected interruption didn’t have to outweigh 12 ¾ years of great school memories with her friends. But we couldn’t bypass the need to make room to grieve the losses of that quarter year, and allow time for the sadness, the disappointment and the frustration. Both are important in navigating disappointment. Both are necessary in order to move forward. What are some things you are anticipating and excited for this upcoming year? RISA: I am very excited but also extremely nervous to start

LIFE & CULTURE MAGAZINE

college this fall. I am a person that needs their family and doesn’t like being separated from them for long periods of time. However, I know that this is a part of growing up and I will experience great things by moving on. So overall, I am excited for this new journey that I will soon take on. BECKY: We’re excited to watch Risa move onto the next chapter of her life as a young adult! We’ve put in 18 years into cultivating a human. We can’t wait to see her flourish and bloom! How do you see this time shaping you in the years to come? RISA: The time has helped me to grow tremendously and become more independent. This new experience will allow me to try new things outside of my comfort zone. If you were to ask me just four years ago if I was planning on moving away from college I would have said, “No way! I’m going to school locally.” But today, I know that moving away and starting to do things on my own will be good for my growth as a person. Starting college this fall a few hours away will do me well, even though it will be a process. BECKY: While not ideal, I love that we were able to be present to talk through and work through the disappointments and obstacles she encountered these past few months together. I think that helped her to be more confident in herself and her ability to handle and overcome any future setbacks or obstacles she may encounter. What is one thing you learned about yourself?

RISA: One thing that I have learned about myself is that I am very much a people person and a fear that I have is being lonely. Being around people and interacting with people is what fuels me and brings me joy. BECKY: We’ve learned so much about Risa in this time as we’ve had the time and togetherness to really hear and see who she is, what she believes, and what her dreams, hopes, and goals are that we might have missed if we hadn’t had the opportunity to slow life down for a bit. Advice you’d give to fellow peers and parents facing the same situation? RISA: My advice to others is to never lose touch and never stop talking. Don’t hold things inside that aren’t bringing you joy and peace. Don’t bottle up all those feelings because that is only hurting you and those around you. Share those feelings with someone, the right person will listen. It’s also good to know that being sad or upset is okay, that’s part of the process. However, you don’t need to stay that way. BECKY: Parents, you don’t have to fix everything for your kids! Adversity is a great opportunity for growth and maturity. The best thing you can do is to help them navigate obstacles and unexpected circumstances. They are individuals, beautifully and wonderfully made, with the capability to be creative and resilient. Just keep cheering them on and let them know you believe in them, and they will show you what they’re made of: nothing but good.

ISSUE 5

Featured Seniors Bailee Elbee Hi! My name is Bailee and I am a West De Pere graduate of 2020. My favorite part of high school is all the memories I was able to make with my friends in Band, Color Guard, SADD, senior mentor program and just the normal day to day things that happen in the classroom and in the hallways. I am looking forward to the college experience at NWTC studying in the Medical Assistant Program and being outside of my comfort zone along with all the challenges that comes with it. My advice to current high school students is: don't take any day for granted. Work hard and make as many memories you can because it goes by so fast.

Addison Kage I graduated from De Pere High School on June 1, 2020. In the fall, I will be attending Southern Methodist University in Dallas, Texas. I will be majoring in Chemistry and minoring in Spanish.

LIFE & CULTURE MAGAZINE

Bill Wyatt I’m a recent graduate from West De Pere High School, and I’m attending Concordia University of St. Paul to major in Finance while also playing on their football team. My hope for the future is to graduate with a masters degree, and become a fantastic financial advisor!

Risa Alcantar I’m a 2020 graduate from Ashwaubenon High school, and I will be attending the University of Wisconsin La Crosse to major in psychology and pastoral counseling. My hope for the future is to become a Child Therapist and help future generations be the best they can be.

Congratulations Class of 2020! We are cheering for you! 25

ISSUE 5

Celebrating Family Wins BY KC GARANIA

ongratulations, your family has made it! Whatever you have weathered together in the last months is noteworthy and important.

Why not make it official and plan a celebration? Gather your family together and write down all the great things that happened through the year up to this point. When we focus on the positives, it makes the hard times easier to navigate. Not sure how to celebrate? Here are some suggestions for what this could look like. Choose those that match your family or make them your own. The important thing is to have fun!

Celebrate

Afterwards

Start with the best part (the fun awards) and take time to share funny stories that go with them. End by taking a family selfie with your awards and posting it to social media or print the picture and put on your refrigerator or bulletin board. Next, talk about the wins as a family!

Post some pictures and responses to the questions around the house so you can see them and remember the wins!

•

End your time together by spending a few minutes in prayer, being grateful for the past year, and praying for an awesome, safe, and connected season.

Planning • • • • • •

Set a date and time that everyone can get together. Keep it short; no longer than an hour. Schedule it in your calendars, write it on your chalkboard, or post it on the refrigerator. What makes any party more fun? Food! Make or buy everyone’s favorite snack. Make it “legit” with decorations: streamers, balloons, signs, party horns (if you don’t mind the noise)! Hand make or print out award certificates, personalized for each family member. For example, “The No Cavities Award” recipient gets a new toothbrush. Or the receiver of the “New Bike Rider Award” is also given a bike horn.

• • • • •

What’s one new thing you have learned? What’s something you got better at? What are you really proud of from this school year? How did you grow spiritually? What’s your favorite friend-related memory? What’s your favorite family-related memory?

Write each person’s wins on a separate piece of paper or sticky-note and put it in their room or bathroom, where they’ll see it daily.

LIFE & CULTURE MAGAZINE

JOY /joi/

noun

Definition: Joy is a state of mind and an orientation of the heart. It is a settled state of contentment, confidence and hope. It is something or someone that provides a source of happiness. History & Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French joie, from Latin gaudia, plural of gaudium, from gaudēre to rejoice; probably akin to Greek gēthein to rejoice.

ISSUE 5

Finding A Passion for FUN BY KALIYAH GARANIA

his school year was anything but normal. It was my freshman year of high school and it was unforgettable for so many reasons. I’ve had some time to reflect on this past school year and I’ve come up with a few F.U.N pieces of advice for you to use when you begin your next school year, job, or even just a new week. I hope this helps you make the best out of every moment! F: Give yourself time to be free. At certain times during the school year, I was overstressed and overworked by my advanced classes, extracurriculars, sports, and part-time job. For weeks on end, I didn’t have time to relax with my family or hang out with friends. This definitely affected my attitude, my mental focus, and my relationships with friends and family. What I learned is that you have to block off time and give yourself the flexibility to rest, hang out, or do a hobby you love. When I gave myself a free weekend or Friday night, even when I could have been working, getting ahead on schoolwork, or practicing something for band, resting and surrounding myself with people I love improved my attitude, my focus, and strengthened our relationships. So, whatever comes your way in a new season of life, give yourself time to relax, rest, and be creative, because it will keep you motivated, joyful, and on good terms with the people who are closest to you.

Pursuing my newfound passion of songwriting opened up doors and gave me opportunities I never dreamed I’d have.

LIFE & CULTURE MAGAZINE

U: Let your experience be unique to you.

N: Pursue a new passion.

Don’t let others put limitations on what you can and can’t do. Sometimes you don’t even realize that others are influencing the decisions you are making. This can come in the form of suggestion or pressure. All through middle school I ran cross-country, so the obvious decision might have been to run cross-country in high school and my cross-country teammates were encouraging me to do it. But I decided I wanted to try something new and went out for the swim team. Swim team turned out to be super fun and I made some new friends through the experience. On the flip side, many of my classmates who had been in band in middle school did not continue in band freshman year. I am passionate about music, so I decided to continue with it— and I am so glad I did! I now have a new group of friends who push me and encourage me to continue doing what I love. If I had let the pressures of friends and even self-doubt get the best of me, I wouldn’t have gained the knowledge and experiences I now have. If you have an itch to try something new, or you want to continue doing something you are passionate about, let yourself be unique and don’t just go with the flow. Allow yourself to be innovative and different so you can live your best life!

During the last chapter of my freshman year, which happened to be during quarantine, I took the extra free time and invested it into an old hobby of mine; songwriting. I pulled out my ukulele I hadn’t touched in months and tried my hand at a few songs. I posted them on Instagram and the response was super positive. I kept working on my craft and eventually got the chance to record and publish my own music! Pursuing my newfound passion of songwriting opened up doors and gave me opportunities I never dreamed I’d have. While quarantine was not the ideal way to close my freshman year, it gave me the chance to do something I wouldn’t have had the time to otherwise do. Whatever goals you want to accomplish, whether it be big or small, remember to have F.U.N. and give yourself time to unwind, be yourself and try something new!

Follow me on Instagram @kaliyah_music to check out my latest music and where you can hear me live! 29

ISSUE 5

The Green Bay Fire Department Helped fill Baptism tank for Life Church Downtown this August in front of the "DREAM" wall!

Pastor Scott Eastman and firefighters staying safe and filling tanks!

LIFE & CULTURE MAGAZINE

ISSUE 5

LIFE & CULTURE A Magazine for the (920)

Door County, WI