Chip off the old block...

Some of you may have read my article last week regarding a recent Chinese study linking increased consumption of hot chips with depression and anxiety. I hope I don’t have to explain to anyone that the obvious conclusion drawn from my article was that the Chinese have made a mistake. Whoever funded the study should really ask for their money back.

I’d like to talk about it a little more this week, as I don’t want to risk someone still thinking the results of this study are worth considering when deciding what to order for lunch or dinner. You still can’t go wrong with chips.

Before I go too far though, I may have upset a couple of family members in my article last week, including my simp nephew Giannis and my emotional burden partner Donna. I forgot to mention my niece Elena.

She’s a bit of a chip off her grandma’s block. She actually teamed up with her grandma recently for her first break and enter. She’s ewok sized so grandma saw an opportunity to use her to get through a particularly tight window. Hopefully I’ve upset everyone now.

Anyway, back to chips. I’ve read a bit more of the study over the last week. Apparently acrylamide, a chemical formed during the frying process is to blame for the higher cases of depression and anxiety.

As part of the study researchers exposed zebrafish to the chemical acrylamide and found that with long time exposure they were more likely to hide in dark corners of their aquarium, a sign of depression in fish.

To discredit this part of the ridiculous study, the chips would have been cold and soggy in the aquarium. Of course the fish were depressed.

They wanted fresh, warm, and reasonably crispy chips. As if that wasn’t enough, fish aren’t stupid.

They’ve heard of fish and chips. Chips would be a pretty significant trigger to fish. No doubt whenever they see chips it leaves them wondering if today is the day they end up wrapped in newspaper with a thick covering of chicken salt. I bet those fish were hiding in the corner of the aquarium.

The zebrafish also demonstrated a reduced ability to socialise and explore their tanks after eating the chips. I don’t know about you, but after I eat a delicious meal, wallowing in that feeling of satisfaction is all that I need.

The only time I would feel the need to explore my house, would be to see if someone was hiding hot chips somewhere. Likewise I have no interest in socialising, as no doubt the people nearby have eaten chips that I could have otherwise eaten. I don’t want to talk to them. I want to murder them.

Someone critiquing the study said the researchers realise that the data related to zebrafish is “hard to interpret in relation to human health because we are obviously quite different, and the authors recognised this.” I’d like to find out how much this bloke was paid to conclude that fish are quite different to humans.

I’d like to finish with a couple of key points. If I have to choose between eating chips and mental health, I’m choosing chips. My mental health has never been that good anyway.

Let’s make something else very clear. Donna once tried to restrict my access to hot chips. It negatively impacted my mental health immediately.

Not only did it impact my mental health, but also the mental health of family members who had to listen to my whimpering and crying. Restricting my access to chips negatively impacts on everyone’s mental health.

On the flipside, the day I found that the Hitching Rail was back in business in Warrnambool (sadly only briefly) was the best day of my life. My mental health was never better than when I ate chips from the Hitching Rail. Ask your parents kids.

There are only two scenarios where chips causes depression. When they are all gone and you want more. Or when you are absolutely full to the brim and there are chips left over that you know someone else is going to eat. Because those chips should be put in the fridge and reheated in the microwave in the morning as brekky chips. Thanks Marian.

If you’ve had a break and enter at your house that seems to have occurred via a ridiculously small gap, email me at robbietansel@ gmail.com and I’ll talk to my niece Elena.

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Quilting in the spotlight

Hamilton Gallery presents a pop-up exhibition in a new space celebrating the 40th Anniversary of Hamilton Quilters Inc.

Quilt-making started in the eighteenth century when frugal housewives would cut up old clothing and join the pieces together to make a warm covering for the bed. Now patchwork and quilting is considered to be an art form in its own right and the hobby has grown to include abstract art, machine embroidery and appliqué.

For 40 years this talented group of local artisans has honed their skills in quilt-making. ‘A Touch of Ruby’ marks the 19th exhibition of their work in partnership with Hamilton Gallery, showcasing a range of quilts completed by members over recent years.

Visitors will have the opportunity to meet the makers personally and see the craftmanship at work as quilts are being created, since the organisation’s 16 members will be manning the exhibition space and working on quilts during opening hours.The exhibition is free to visit and will be open Mon-Fri 10.30am to 3.30pm until Friday, May 26.

Creamy bacon carbonara

500g fettuccine

1 tbsp olive oil

80g butter

1 large onion, finely chopped

250g shredded bacon

200g button mushrooms, sliced

300ml pure cream

1 cup grated Tasty Cheese

Method

Cook pasta in a large saucepan of salted boiling water according to packet instructions. Drain well. Meanwhile, heat a large frypan over high heat. Add oil, butter, onion, bacon and mushrooms. Cook, stirring for 5 minutes or until bacon is crisp and mushroom is tender. Add cream. Bring to the boil. Simmer 2 minutes or until slightly thickened. Add pasta and cheese to pan. Stir through sauce until heated through. Season with salt and pepper.