Homelife

a fresh take on faith & family

Until God Answers

Why you must persist in prayer Can a chore swap

change your marriage?

The blessings of parenting children with

special needs

Margaret Feinberg on

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The Wonder of Rest  JANUARY 2013

U.S.A. $3.95

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5 great ideas

for family time

January 2013

Contents V O LU M E 6 7, N U M B E R 4

On the Cover

18 Until God Answers 34 Can a chore swap change your marriage?

42 Parenting Children With Special Needs 24 The Wonder of Rest 14 Five Great Ideas for Family Time Cover Photo: Kristina Krug

grow

Features

Yes, No, or Not Yet 18

Why you must persist in prayer.

by Mark Batterson

A Sanctuary in Time 24

Making space to pause isn’t just a holy opportunity but

a divine command.

by Margaret Feinberg

nurture

The Great Chore Swap 34

A 48-hour experiment gave this marriage a clean sweep.

by Melanie Shankle

42 Remarkably Made

It’s a blessing to parent children with special needs.

by Carol Mason Shrader

Quitting Time?

48

When it comes to extracurricular activities, when do you

let kids walk away, and when do you make them stay?

by Camerin Courtney

improve Dreaming God-Sized Dreams 52

Three lies fear always tells you about your goals.

by Jon Acuff

Organic Panic 56

The problem with pursuing diet perfection.

by Constance Rhodes

Post-Christmas Purge 60

Cut clutter, get organized, and give to someone in need.

© Thinkstock

by Christine Satterfield

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contents▶Departments January 2013 grow 14 family time

) Hero in the Making

How does God measure a superhero?

by Jason & Kelly Stewart

22 forward progress

14

w

ne

+ new

More Than a Feeling

Where faith and discipline meet.

by Michael Kelley

27 fyi

)

new

The foundation for community, stats on Bible

45 my home life

39

Empty Promises The remedy for the sting of insecurity.

by Jennifer McCaman

nurture 30 power of the home

Small Things, Great Purpose Simple but intentional actions make a difference.

by Jason Hayes

32 love that lasts

30

On

the Same Team

Work together to manage expectations.

by Gary Chapman

37 marriage mentors

Just the Two of Us Befriending couples when you don’t have kids.

by Les & Leslie Parrott

39 fyi

Recognition that spouses aren’t perfect, the need

62

for mentors, and marriage by the numbers.

40 smart stepfamilies

4

HOMELIFE JANUARY 2013

Longing for Egypt God holds the future in His hands.

by Ron L. Deal

A new perspective of God’s gifts.

by Travis Voskamp

46 parenting on purpose

Losing It

How to respond rather than react.

by Gary J. Oliver

47 fyi

Grace-based parenting wisdom, Bible apps for kids, and encouragement for single parents.

engagement, and the impact of a lost generation.

28 new life

Snowball Effect

improve 59 fyi

Strategic couponing, resolutions for families, plus

new + 62 from your kitchen winter safety tips.

Good Eats

Healthy family-friendly recipes that are tasty, too!

65 money matters

Stewardship 101 Need financial guidance? Start here.

by Francine L. Huff

67 family-friendly media

Pump Up the Volume A playlist to uplift you spiritually and physically.

by Andy Argyrakis

in every issue

8 inbox and contributors 10 from the editor 12 pass it on 69 men of honor 74 real life

New this month page 14 ▶ family time

You’re short on time, and your kids are short on attention. Family Time is a devotion centered on a fun theme to help you live out Deuteronomy 6:5-8 in creative, memorable ways. PLUS! Be sure to visit lifeway.com/homelifeonline for daily parent cues to reinforce each month’s theme.

Our Family Time Calendar suggests a daily Scripture reading and talking point to keep the conversation going.

page 22 ▶ forward progress

What does real-life discipleship look like?

Michael Kelley’s monthly spiritual growth column will wrestle with issues that arise when you seek to live a life that honors Christ.

page 62 ▶ from your kitchen

HomeLife readers can cook! So, who better to share kid-approved and budget-friendly recipes than you? Each month will feature a few great dishes from HomeLife readers, plus a few tips to save you time and money. Have an original recipe to share? Email us at homelife @lifeway.com.

pages 27, 39, 47, 59 ▶ fyi

We all love quick-read articles. Check out our FYI pages to be in the know about the latest research, stats, tips, and resources on faith and family.

JANUARY 2013 HOMELIFE

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online ~ this month at lifeway.com/homelifeonline

VOLUME 67, NUMBER 4 JANUARY 2013 PRODUCTION & MINISTRY TEAM Michael Kelley Executive Editor Dawn Hollomon Content Editor Stacey Owens Production/Content Editor Susan Maywald Graphic Designer

Family Time ▶ January Calendar featuring daily Scripture readings and talking points to disciple your family (see page 14)

Chandra Bennett Editorial Team Leader Alan Raughton & David Apple Adult Ministry Specialists SEND QUESTIONS/COMMENTS TO: Editor, HomeLife One LifeWay Plaza Nashville, TN 37234-0175 Or email us at homelife@lifeway.com

tips for making ▶ More Family Time easy and fun (see page 14)

printable recipe ▶ HomeLife’s cards (see page 62)

word art (see ▶ Scripture pages 13, 29, and 51).

MANAGEMENT PERSONNEL Faith Whatley Director, Adult Ministry Philip Nation Director, Adult Ministry Publishing Debbie Johnson, Ken Braddy & Amy Lowe Managers, Adult Ministry Publishing ADVERTISING Rhonda Edge Buescher Director, Media Business Development for Magazines Scott Hancock Advertising Production One LifeWay Plaza, MSN 136, Nashville, TN 37234 Email: magazineadvertising@lifeway.com Media kits: www.lifeway.com/magazines/media Printed in the United States of America HomeLife (ISSN 0018-4071, Item 005075226) is published monthly by LifeWay Press®, One LifeWay Plaza, Nashville, TN 37234, Thom S. Rainer, President. © 2012 LifeWay Press®.

coming ~ in February ▶ Family

Time: Show Some Love ways to make your ▶ 40 marriage rock

stewardship prin▶ Biblical ciples to teach your kids

For inquiries visit www.lifeway.com, or write LifeWay Church Resources Customer Service, One LifeWay Plaza, Nashville, TN 37234-0113.

For subscriptions or subscription address changes, visit www.lifeway.com/magazines, fax 615.251.5818, or write to the above address. For bulk orders shipped to one address, visit www.lifeway.com/magazines, fax 615.251.5933, or write to the above address.

Annual individual or gift subscription, $29.95. Bulk orders shipped to one address when ordered with other literature,$1.60 each per month plus shipping. Please allow six to eight weeks for arrival of first issue.

To investigate the possibility of advertising in HomeLife, visit www.lifeway.com/magazines.

HomeLife does not accept unsolicited manuscripts or queries and cannot accept responsibility for their return.

Advertisement Disclaimer: This magazine includes paid advertisements for some products and services not affiliated with LifeWay. The inclusion of the paid advertisements does not constitute an endorsement by LifeWay Christian Resources of the products or services.

We believe that the Bible has God for its author; salvation for its end; and truth, without any mixture of error, for its matter and that all Scripture is totally true and trustworthy.

The 2000 statement of The Baptist Faith and Message is our doctrinal guideline.

Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holman Christian Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1999, 2000, 2002, 2003, 2009 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Holman Christian Standard Bible®, Holman CSB®, and HCSB® are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers.

to help your little ▶ How ones navigate childhood friendships

part two of Kenny ▶ Plus, Luck’s “The Mantle” series (see page 69).

partners with churches to give families biblical and practical counsel that champions life-changing discipleship, dynamic marriages, and effective parenting.

a new chapter

Allen Cl ark

With Thanks Since 2008, HomeLife has been honored to have Dr. Gary Chapman serve as executive editor. His godly wisdom and practical advice have encouraged families and strengthened marriages. Beyond that, Dr. Chapman has been a champion for HomeLife and a joy to work with. We are so thankful for his passion for ministering to HomeLife readers. We don’t take it lightly that Dr. Chapman chooses to partner with us.

Beginning with this issue, Dr. Chapman steps down as HomeLife’s executive editor, and Michael Kelley assumes the role (learn more on page 10).

But don’t worry; Dr. Chapman isn’t going anywhere! HomeLife will continue to benefit from his invaluable counsel in his monthly marriage column, Love That Lasts (see page 32). We are deeply grateful for the opportunity to continue sharing Dr. Chapman’s relationship insights with HomeLife readers.

HomeLife is more than a magazine — it’s a ministry to serve you and your family.

Please pray for the HomeLife team as we begin this new chapter together.

JANUARY 2013 HOMELIFE

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from the editor A Fellow Traveler hands, so to speak. I remember when I was a child, growing up in a small town in the Texas Panhandle, seeing mothers and fathers carrying issues of HomeLife as they left church.

And now, decades later, it’s an incredible honor to be associated with a publication that has impacted so many and for so long. For the past several years, Dr. Gary Chapman has shared insights, experiences, and practical suggestions that are Christ-honoring and biblically based. Though his are big shoes to fill, it’s my sincere desire to continue his standard of excellence.

Besides being the new executive editor for HomeLife, I serve as the Director of Discipleship for LifeWay Christian Resources. I’ve written a couple of books, have a blog that I’m proud of most days, and occasionally have the privilege to speak at conferences and churches around the country.

But most importantly, I’m a husband and a dad. Jana and I have three children: Joshua (8), Andi (5), and Christian (3). They are great kids, and they have a greater mother. The thrill of my life is to be included in their midst, stumbling around as the leader of this pack.

The most accurate way you can imagine me right now is asking the Lord for grace to say the right thing to my kids and to honor my wife because once again, I’ve failed to do both. I’m a fellow traveler, another person who is trying the best he can to live and teach the gospel of Jesus Christ. It’s a road I’m honored to be on, and one I hope we can learn from together.

I’d love to hear from you! Email me your ideas and questions at homelife@ lifeway.com. You can also find me at michaelkelleyministries.com or on Twitter @_MichaelKelley.

Connect With Us: homelife@lifeway.com

lifeway.com/homelifeonline facebook.com/homelifemagazine twitter.com/homelifemag

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HOMELIFE JANUARY 2013

Michael Kelley

Kristina Krug

Executive Editor. It’s a daunting title, one I’m approaching with my hat in

g family time

Hero in the Making How does God measure a superhero?

BY JASON & KELLY STEWART

DECOR▼ Cost: $5-6 Time: 15 minutes •L ine tables with superhero action figures.

•F ill votives or hurricanes with multicolored candies.

•W rite superhero sayings such as “Zap!” and “Pow!” on construction paper, then glue to skewers and place in candy-filled votives.

•D ownload hero pictures to display.

FOOD▼ Cost: $10-20 Time: 30 to 45 minutes Hero Sandwiches: Serve deli meats, cheeses, hoagie rolls, and condiments.

Energy Sticks: Cut vegetables that can be placed on a skewer such as: carrots, pickles, celery, black olives, broccoli, and sugar snap peas. Then have kids assemble their own skewers.

You’re short on time,

and your kids are short on attention. Family Time is a devotion centered on a fun theme to help you live out Deuteronomy 6:5-8 in creative, memorable ways.

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HOMELIFE JANUARY 2013

Kryptonite: Make green gelatin or color vanilla pudding with a drop of green food coloring.

With a little bit of planning,

you can have an incredible time with your family while strengthening your children’s faith. This month’s Family Time will challenge your family to be heroic for God with these activities and our family devotion. Show your kids how God measures a hero.

Superjuice: Rename the beverage of your choice.

Talking Points: During the meal, ask family members to share who their favorite superhero is and what super power they wish they could have.

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© Ge t t y Im ages / Ben McLeod

In a Jam Sandwiches: Make peanut butter and jelly and use a gingerbreadman cookie cutter to cut out the sandwiches.

Say: The Bible is full of heroes. Let’s lread Hebrews 11 to discover what’s necessary to be a hero in God’s kingdom.

Discuss: Have family members share what they know about a few people listed and how they were heroes for God.

COSTUMES▼ Cost: $3 Time: 20 to 40 minutes

© Thinkstock

Superhero Mask: Using a craft knife, cut masks from stiff felt. Let kids decorate their masks with stickers. Attach yarn for kids to wear.

Bands of Steel: Have your kids cut strips of yellow or gray construction paper to fit around their wrists. Let them decorate with stickers, markers, or crayons.

GAMES▼ Cost: Free Time: 10 to 20 minutes Crashing Walls: Gather cardboard boxes or old appliance boxes to build a wall. Decorate the boxes to look like a brick wall or cityscape. Have children take turns breaking through the wall.

Kryptonite Hunt: Cover paper towel tubes with green construction paper. In the tubes hide pieces of paper with a characteristic of a powerful superhero.

Use words like strong, dependable, wise, helps others, or good friend. Hide them in your home or yard and let kids find them.

DEVOTION▼ Time: 10 minutes Say: Who doesn’t love a superhero? Do we admire the costume, the courage, the drive for justice, the special powers, or something else? Is a hero made of bulging muscles and valiant feats, or is a hero someone who makes daily choices to do what’s right?

Say: Hebrews 11 shows us that the true measuring stick of heroism is faith. Faith is believing what God says is true and doing what He says.

Another great Scripture to read as we think about God’s job description for a hero is Micah 6:8: “Mankind, He has told you what is good and what it is the LORD requires of you: to act justly, to love faithfulness, and to walk humbly with your God.” We can all be heroes.

It doesn’t require the extraordinary or the incredible but the faithful and the humble. Our heroes of faith in Hebrews 11 were ordinary people through whom God did the extraordinary. That’s His master hero plan, to use us to show how great He is by giving us the power and direction to do the brave and courageous. First Timothy 4:12 gives kids and adults some encouraging heroic training: “Let no one despise your youth; instead, you should be an example to the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.”

Ask: How can you be a superhero for God this month?

Pray: Thank God for the true hero Jesus Christ, for Jesus’ faithfulness to our Heavenly Father, and for His mission of going to the cross. Ask God to give each person in your family the faith you need to follow and be a true hero for Him. •

Jason & Kelly Stewart are the proud

parents of four children and love to share fun family nights together. Jason has been on staff at LifePoint Church for nine years, and they are currently serving at their campus in the Seattle area. They are the creators of the ministry Family Muscle, which focuses on building strong families through strategic and intentional living.

Ask: What does it take to be a hero for God?

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Memory MemoryVerses Verses January 6: “Mankind, He has told you what is good and what it is the LORD requires of you: to act justly, to love faithfulness, and to walk humbly with your God.” — Micah 6:8 January 13: “Let no one despise your youth; instead, you should be an example to the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.”

— 1 Timothy 4:12 January 20: “My shield is with God, who saves the upright in heart.”

— Psalm 7:10 January 27: “For God did not send His Son into the world that He might condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through Him.” — John 3:17

Keep It Going: For a daily parent cue with a suggested Scripture reading and discussion starter, visit lifeway.com/homelifeonline.

JANUARY 2013 HOMELIFE

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family time calendar

JANUARY 2013

SUNDAY

MONDAY

TUESDAY

1

WEDNESDAY THURSDAY

2

3

FRIDAY

4

NEW YEAR’S DAY

Enter to win VeggieTales®: The League What’s your mission of Incredible training manual?

Vegetables (See 2 Timothy (see lifeway.com 3:16-17.) /homelifeonline).

6

7

8

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SATURDAY

5

What’s your favorite superhero catchphrase?

10

11

12

Watch your favorite superhero movie.

Memorize Micah 6:8.

13 14 15 16 17 18 19 Who is the ultimate Choose to show mercy today. (See Avenger? (See Matthew 5:7.)

Romans 12:18-19.)

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21

22

23

24

25

Thank God for our military personnel, who are willing to show the “greatest love” (John 15:13) by risking their lives for freedom.

SANCTITY OF MARTIN LUTHER HUMAN LIFE KING DAY SUNDAY Memorize Psalm 7:10.

27 28 29 30 Memorize John 3:17.

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m

family challenge

This month, be a real-life hero to someone. This could mean shoveling a driveway for an elderly couple, inviting a single friend to your house for dinner, or baby-sitting for new parents.

© Thinkstock

Memorize 1 Timothy 4:12.

g

forward progress MICHAEL KELLEY

More Than a Feeling

Š Ge t t y Im ages / Pe ter Booth

Where faith and discipline meet

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HOMELIFE JANUARY 2013

Find us on Facebook! facebook.com/homelifemagazine

© Ge t t y Im ages / John Rensten

Discipline that embraces faith changes everything.

When you act, despite your feelings, you more times than not actually start to feel differently.

Gustave Flaubert, the French writer most famous for

his first published work Madame Bovary, once said, “One can be the master of what one does, but never of what one feels.”

In other words, you can exercise some control by sheer will over your actions, but feelings? Well, that’s a different story.

You can’t control what you feel. You feel what you feel, and because you feel what you feel, it’s like spitting into the wind to try and control it. Right?

Yes, I think. But like so many other things, you can be paralyzed into inaction by uncontrollable feelings. What happens when you feel one way, yet you know you should feel something else? What happens when you know, for example, that you shouldn’t be angry with your spouse or your kids, and yet you feel angry anyway? In your mind, you realize that your spouse didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. You know cognitively that you’re being way too sensitive. Similarly, you know that your 2-year-old didn’t mean to spill milk on your computer, and you further know that you’re actually angry at yourself for having it open on the table to begin with.

You know there’s no basis for your hostility. And yet there you are, fuming with rage. What do you do then?

Act on Faith

Do you simply let yourself fizzle out? Do you wait to do something until you feel differently?

No, you don’t. In a life busy with family obligations, you can’t afford to count to 10 over and over again until your feelings change. Instead, you act anyway, even when (and maybe most especially because) your feelings contradict what you know to be true.

You apologize. Or you forgive. Or you sacrifice. You do so not because you feel like it; you do so because it’s good, right, and true. You do it, in other words, as an act of faith.

You don’t feel like apologizing, forgiving, or sacrificing. Or obeying, for that matter. In short, you acknowledge what you feel to be real, yet you submit yourself to a greater reality. A more important truth. You refuse to be governed by what your

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senses tell you in the moment and instead believe something different. That belief is strong enough to look contrary feelings in the eye and not blink.

Feelings Will Follow

This is where the faith and discipline of discipleship begin to meet. They’re not at odds with each other; in fact, they shake hands. Maybe more than shake hands. They hug in a close embrace, gratified at their partnership.

So you act. It’s a disciplined action, for the very definition of discipline implies doing something that you really don’t feel like doing. It’s like if you discipline yourself to go to a job in the morning or if you discipline yourself to choose rightly.

In neither case do you really feel like doing it, but you do it anyway. Discipline that embraces faith changes everything.

Suddenly, when you take the disciplined action of apologizing, forgiving, sacrificing, or obeying, you don’t do so as some kind of a martyr, feeling sorry for yourself along the way.

Rather, you do so trusting that God will take the incomplete action you’re disciplining yourself to take and, through His grace, use it for good. But wait, it gets even better.

When you act, despite your feelings, you more times than not actually begin to feel differently. Notice, though, that you don’t feel differently before you act, but as a result of acting.

In this way, it seems, you bring the weight of the authority of Jesus Christ slamming down on your momentary emotions.

With every action that contradicts your feelings, you hammer away at your sinful, selfish self. You remind your emotions that they do not rule the day — Jesus does.

And what you find, time and time again, especially as your heart begins to change, is that in this domain — the domain of the emotions — Jesus Christ is still Lord. •

Michael Kelley, M.Div., and his wife, Jana,

have three children. He’s the executive editor of HomeLife and the Director of Discipleship at LifeWay Christian Resources. His works include The Tough Sayings of Jesus, Wednesdays Were Pretty Normal, and Transformational Discipleship. Keep up with Michael on his blog at michaelkelleyministries.com or on Twitter @_MichaelKelley.

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g

fyi TRANSFORMATIONAL DISCIPLESHIP

▶Bible Engagement Though the majority of churchgoers desire

to honor Christ with their lives and even profess to think about biblical truths, a recent study conducted

by LifeWay Research found few actually engage in personal reading and study of the Scriptures. The survey found▼

90% 59%

of churchgoers “desire to please and honor Jesus in all [they] do,” and ▼

find themselves “thinking about biblical truths throughout the day.” However, when asked how often they personally read the Bible, only▼

19% A Lost Generation Forty years ago on

January 22, 1973, Roe v. Wade legalized abortion and has led to the loss of more than 55 million children.

The Bible places particular significance on the number 40. Consider Noah on a big boat in the storm; Moses and the Israelites trying to find the Promise Land; and Jesus fasting and praying in the dessert.

In fact, the Bible refers to 40 as a “generation.”

I was a young college student who was passionate, vocal, and pro-choice.

Little did I know that my own selfishness would lead me to make a choice for abortion a few years down the road.

As we pass this life-changing anniversary, I’m still passionate, vocal, and pro-choice.

However, this time, my prochoice message declares the words of Deuteromony 30:19 — "I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse.

Choose life so that you and your descendants may live."

I’m counting on the promise found in Revelation 12:11, which assures me we will overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the words of our testimony. It’s become my passion and calling to protect and defend the next generation.

— Pat Layton, author of Surrendering the Secret (LifeWay) and A Surrendered Life (Crossbooks). Learn more at patlayton.net.

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responded with “every day.” Ed Stetzer, president of LifeWay Research, said, “Bible engagement has an impact in just about every area of spiritual growth. You can follow Christ and see Christianity as your source of truth, but if that truth does not permeate your thoughts, aspirations, and actions, you are not fully engaging the truth.”

Source: LifeWay Research, survey of 2,930 Protestant churchgoers

The reason

most community is shallow in our world is because it’s built on temporary foundations. The reason most relationships don’t last is because they’re built on commonalities that change over time. When the common bond changes, the relationship changes.

If relationships aren’t built on something deeper than finding good restaurants, working at the same company, or having kids in the same activities, they will change whenever the common bond is no longer there. Community is only as strong as what it’s built upon.

And nothing is as strong as the gospel.

Adapted from Creature of the Word by Matt Chandler, Josh Patterson, and Eric Geiger (B&H).

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