ARE YOU UP TO THE CHALLENGE?
CONTENTS
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MUSTACHIOED MASCOTS
5
We thought we’d highlight some scruffy statues from around the world, or some of our personal favorites at least!
FROM THE BEGINNING, THERE WAS HAIR
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Since the very beginning, there was hair. We set out to inform you about early man’s (and historical) facial hair.
jack passion
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The one, the only, Jack Passion. Learn about the man behind the big beaudacious (and bright orange) beard.
AND WHAT ABOUT BEARDED LADIES?
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You know you’ve seen them, bearded ladies. Learn more about this highly interesting phenomenon.
I MADE YOU A BEARD
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This art blog, isn’t just any art blog, it’s all about beards and moustaches! Erin Dollar can’t grow ‘em, but she can make `em!
Good & Evil
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Sometimes something as simple as a goatee can mean the difference between harmless and diabolical.
HOW TO GROW FACIAL HAIR FASTER
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Want a beard as bold as Bunyans, but your stuck with some sad stubble? We’ll share some Stache secrets with you.
BEARDS OF INDIA
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If a man without a beard is like tea without sugar, these men like to drink some seriously sweet tea!
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(25) One man’s quest to try every style. (26) Where to buy a beard on etsy.com.
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Style guide to choose a beard and / or moustache that fits your face.
THE QUEST FOR EVERY BEARD TYPE
MY FRIEND ETSY’S GROWING A BEARD
WHAT’S YOUR STYLE?
tell me about
Stache Stache is a luxury. Having a beard and/or moustache is the real work. What we do here apart from growing our facial hairs (or fabricate them in the women’s cases) is find those sparkling individuals out there who has made it their life work. You may consider beards and moustaches to be self explanitory, but we’re here to continually inform you that they are far far more. They are of social and moral signifigance and are increasingly a huge part of popular culture. Our hairs are here to help you on your hairy way and we
Chops Commit tee CEO Stanley Beard PRESIDENT Furonica Brown
We want to see your beards and moustaches! If you have photos of your very own chops, send them our way. Periodically, we feature our very own hairy readers!
CREATIVE DIRECTOR El Beardo EDITOR IN CHIEF Moustachilini SENIOR DESIGNER Bradley Fuz BEARD/MOUSTACHE EXPERT Robert Longbeard
Beards and moustaches are a worldwide beauty to be shared, and we want to share your treasured trophies with the rest!
SPECIAL THANKS Mustache Wrestler Wax, California Institute of the Arts, I made you a beard (artblog), the international beard and moustache championship board of directors, and of course the Vikings!
STACHE MAGAZINE 4321 Shaggy Scragly Way Portland, OR 98765
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THE “QUEEN’S BRIGADE” is a style not for the faint of heart. But we say, wear em if you got em!
SECRET STACHE
Mustachioed MASCOTS By Edward Harrison
Chef Mascots
Chef mascots are found all over the world and they’re always accompanied by a moustache.
FatherChristmas Long white and curly his facial hair takes up atleast 30% of his face. What does Father Christmas hide beneath the mounds of hair.
We thought we’d highlight some scruffy statues from around the world, these are some of our favorites!
Spotted in Okinawa this old dude is living a happy life waving to passersby. His moustache combines both a sophistication and carefree look.
Paul Bunyan Paul Bunyan is a mythological giant lumberjack from America. One story noted that he was eight feet tall and weighed 300 pounds! The mascot is actually a variation of the muffler man however the Paul Bunyan character was created first. The moustache is incredibly straight, it defies logic, it challenges and surprises the viewer. Bravo Mr Bunyan.
Pedro This is Pedro a mascot for ‘South of the Border.' Interestingly enough ‘the Pedro’ is a moustache style too.
French Fry Guy This is probably the only time you’d like hairs on your fries. French Fry Guy is pretty proud of his moustache.
The Dude
Colonel Sanders The Colonel sports a goatee and moustache, the style is even sometimes refereed as his namesake.
Asterix & Obelix
The adventures of Asterix was created by René Goscinny in 1959. Even the dog had a moustache!
Mario
Mario needs no introduction, he’s one of the most iconic mascots and has an equally iconic moustache.
RoyalGaurd
This mascot is a large nutcracker toy. The split handlebar and chinpuff combo is to be admired.
CREATE YOUR VERY OWN MARIO MOUSTACHE!
You’ll need: black felt, scissors, string or ribbon, a sewing needle, black thread, and stuffing.
The Pep Boys
The Fisherman
STEP 3: fill the moustache up with stuffing (carefully!). Close up afterwards.
Now you’re ready for a night on the town, just watch out for venus fly traps!
The Pep Boys are made up of Manny, Moe & Jack, the founders of the tyres and autoparts chain.
STEP 1: Cut out the stache shape (left) twice out of the black felt.
STEP 2: Sew together while leaving a tiny opening. {
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STEP 4: Thread your string or ribbon through both sides.
It’s a well known fact that all fishermen have beards; it keeps their face warm on the cold nights at sea.
If you have grown your own natural mario moustache, send us your pictures!
BEARD SCIENCE
FROM THE VERY BEGINNING THERE WAS It grows on our heads, on our backs, on our toes, near the naughty bits, and for males and some females), it grows on our faces.
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eards have been a major feature in most aspects of our history, from important religious and political figures, to respected authors, philosophers and artists. And one interesting thing about the beard is that there are hundreds of styles, from the Donegal to the Garibaldi. It’s not always an issue of just not being able to, or wanting to shave. Men have been styling their beards and mustaches in search of the perfect face companion since we had a choice as to what to do with that stuff growing on our faces. Many of our country’s most important historical figures wore beards. Abraham Lincoln wore a beard (and we’re not talking about wife Mary
HAIR By Michael Wood
Todd Lincoln). Two of the most famous generals who commanded the Southern armies during the American Civil War, Robert E. Lee and Stonewall Jackson, both wore beards, as did many other generals. Many political leaders and revolutionaries throughout history have been known to have a beard and/or mustache. In the 18th and 19th centuries, only the wealthy shaved often. Daily shaving was not a custom until the 20th century. Although straight razors were used in England since the 1600s, it was not until the 1900s that Gillette introduced the common store-bought razor. From the ‘20s to the present, it would be highly unlikely to see someone on Wall Street, or in any
business office environment with a full-grown, burly beard. And the U.S. has not seen a president with facial hair since William Howard Taft, who was elected in 1908. In the ‘70s it seems that beards were most popular with hippies and rock ‘n’ rollers, and mustaches had a porn star/underground sex club stigma attached to them. Professional baseball players were somehow exempt from this stigma, however, with Rollie Fingers’ trademark handlebar mustache and Bill “Mad Dog” Madlock’s Ice Cube-ish scruff. In the ‘80s Tom Selleck, as Magnum P.I., took back the upper lip push broom and made it acceptable for every man in the workplace to have
FUZZY FACT: In Rough Journey of Beard, Zhang Youluan wrote “...Ancient people with long beard usually put their beard into a
gauze bag before bed...” Not a bad idea. One can never be too careful with their beard! Thanks Zhang! {
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a ‘stache. By the time the ‘90s hit, a goatee and its cousin, the van dyke (a goatee plus mustache), were perhaps the only acceptable facial hair in the workplace. Beards and mustaches have also been present in most forms of pop culture through the ages. In sports there’s Brian Wilson, from the San Francisco Giants, and Kimbo Slice, a famous mixed martial arts fighter. Possibly the most famous beard in sports right now is Brett Keisel of the Pittsburgh Steelers, who was recently invited to judge at the 2011 National Beard and Mustache Championships, in Lancaster, Pa. Although he has stated that he will shave soon. On the big screen, there’s always been Groucho Marx, Charlie Chaplin, Chuck Norris, Mr. T, and many more, but more recently you have Brad Pitt, Zach Galifianakis, and Joaquin Phoenix on the beard wagon, although Phoenix has been seen clean-shaven recently. From the world of entertainment to well-paid athletes to average Joes, beards and ‘staches are sprouting like it’s the ‘80s all There was hair... continued
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Photo credit: Michael Elsden
CHAMPION CHOPS
Jack Passion By El Beardo
Jack Passion … yes, the very same that has amassed two wins in the Natural Beard category at World Beard and Mustache Championships at the age of 25… yep, that author who tackled beards chin on with The Facial Hair Handbook the must have beard growers book… the very same Jack Passion that signs his emails “Love and Passion”… people like that just warm our heart…and yes, the very same with a giant orange beard. We try to be inspiring here at B-a-B, but
No doubt you’ve heard the name … it rolls of your tongue like the feel of a cool breeze going through your beard on a hot summer day. example to us all… how and when did you decide to grow it out and grow it proud? The honor is mine! I never gave bearding much thought until I placed highly on the world stage. Prior to that, my beard was just another in a long line of facial hairstyles that I had worn. At some
Tell us about your first competition on the global level … did other beardos give you a hard time?
J: The first world competition I attended was in Berlin, and I “only” got third. There was quite a bit of outrage, but since it was in German, I had no idea. Later on, I was told that the older, German elite thought I was totally un-serious and that my pirate costume was disrespectful. They don’t have to like me, as long as they fear me.
“Jack Passion is to the sport of bearding what Tiger Woods is to the sport of golf.” — Phil Olsen, Founder and Self-Appointed Captain, Beard Team USA
truth be told we like nothing else than being inspired by the bearded community as well… Clearly, Jack is in a league all his own in terms of inspiration; Jack even was one of his graduating class’ speakers at UCSC among other things… we should probably continue writing up this interview while bowing our heads, and you should probably read it as such as well. Either way, when we heard that Jack wasn’t competing in the 2011 World Championships we raced to meet this bass playing beard oracle to get some answers and gauge what this means for competitive bearding, do German’s cry, what the end of Street Fighter II looks like and much, much more… so, enjoy! It’s an honor to be here by the side of such a beardo… your follicle awesomeness is an
point, I had no choice but to accept my role as America’s beard ambassador; the alternative would have been to shave - no thanks! Since that time, a great deal of thought and discussion has brought me and my beard to where we are today. My beard is my career, and I work hard.
My world standings are as follows: 2005, Berlin, 3rd place, Natural Full Beard 2007, Brighton, 1st place, Natural Full Beard 2009, Anchorage, 1st place, Natural Full Beard
When did the decision to participate in competitive bearding come to be? And why, how’d you even hear about Beard Team USA?
We know that people love the beard… did having a few titles help to milk even more love from envious women (and scores of men)?
J: Initially, I just wanted a story to tell my grandchildren one day. I did not know the caliber of my beard, nor did I even know a fire burned in my heart to crush other men’s dreams of bearded glory. Sometimes the spirit of competition must be awakened in the soul, like the premise of any good 80s action sports movie. I heeded the call to brush and condition my way to the top, a position from which I can hopefully lead by example that a bearded life is an authentic, honest, and honorable one.
J: Yes. Nice, we dig… Anyway, then comes Alaska … you win that championship too … how’d you do it? What is it about your routine that you think sets you apart?
J: I spell out my entire regimen and all of my trade secrets in my book, The Facial Hair Handbook. My program is pretty simple in concept, but I actually follow all of it to a tee, and I am unrelenting in my pursuit of perfection -- no detail is to be overlooked.
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We will most certainly get to your hairy manuscript a bit later … Why is the natural beard the most coveted title? Did the Germans cry like little babies after your 2nd win in a row?
J: I don’t know if there is one title more coveted than another, but Full Beard Natty is certainly the most competitive because of its size; more than half the competitors at the Anchorage contest were in my category. I don’t know if they were crying, nor do I care. Nobody can hear their pitiful sobs over the roaring cheers of Passion ate victory, anyway. Really though, everyone’s a beardsman and after they warmed up to me, the Germans have al ways been really happy for me when I win. And if you’ve ever beaten Street Fighter II as Ryu, it’s like that: I’m already on to the next match; I live for the thrill of the fight. Also, despite the sometimes (ok, often) inflammatory rhetoric, I grow and wear a beard for many reasons higher in priority than competition. I have made some men jealous, but if there is envy or rage, it is only because I have yet to connect with these guys on a personal level. If I have a beard and you have a beard, we have something in common of great social and moral significance; a bond that makes us real friends before we even meet. We’ll book our trip tomorrow!
GROWING YOUR VERY OWN BEARD? CHECK OUT JACK’S HANDBOOK! TOPICS INCLUDE: How to grow a beard, diet, what to do about Itching, choosing a style, washing and conditioning, how to grow thicker facial hair, if your beard catches on fire, women, and more!
SHAGGY SECRETS
By Sarah Taylor
These women have long been a phenomenon of legend, curiosity, ridicule, and more recently, political and fashion statement.
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f the bearded ladies ‘The Bearded Lady of Guildford’ is currently the most famous. A small number of women are able to grow enough facial hair to have a distinct beard. In some cases, female beard growth is the result of a hormonal imbalance (usually androgen excess), or a rare genetic disorder known as hypertrichosis. Sometimes it is caused by use of anabolic steroids. Cultural
In Fiction
In SpaceBalls, the antagonist Dark Helmet’s escape pod is stolen by a bearded lady. In William Shakespeare’s Macbeth, the Weird Sisters have
pressure leads most to remove it, as it may be viewed as a social stigma. Notable exceptions were the famous (and usually fake) bearded women of the circus sideshows of the 19th and early 20th centuries, before so-called freak shows became unpopular. Julia Pastrana (1834-60) was covered head to foot in black hair. Although such excessive hair growth has been known about for hundreds of years
she is the most famous bearded lady, and the first to be recorded in the medical literature. Her condition is hypertrichosis, a rare genetic disorder. Julia Pastrana was known as many things during her short life, such as “the ugliest woman in the world” or “the bearded and hairy lady.” Of Mexican descent she was taught to sing and dance and exhibited around the world as a freak show. She died
beards, not to mention, some other strange facial attributes.
include dwarves of J. R. R. Tolkien’s Middle-earth.
as “Chabo the Wolf Baby” by wearing a costume beard.
The female dwarves in fantasy fiction are often depicted as having beards; examples
In A Series of Unfortunate Events, the toddler Sunny Baudelaire disguises herself
On an episode of My Name is Earl, Judy Greer plays a woman who has grown a {
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beard and joins the circus. The HBO series Carnivàle featured a bearded lady as a performer in the carnival. The first book in the series
from complications in childbirth, and her son, who shared his mother’s excessive hair features, died within a few days. But the show still went on, even after death. It was suspected that there would be a number of genes involved, though they remained a mystery. Slowly they are starting to be revealed. Julia’s corpse has not been examined by scientists so DNA samples are unavailable; some have volunteered themselves for study.
The Emigrants features a woman with considerable facial hair, Brita-Stafva mistress at Hästebäck and of Robert Axel Nilsson, the brother.
WWW.HISKERS
By El Beardo & Lila Burns
Erin Dollar is a modern day beardo, only her beards are not grown, but hand-made to the highest quality!
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ou may be wondering, “What is this website? How did I get here? What’s going on?” I Made You A Beard is an art project started in 2008 by me, Erin Dollar. I started this blog to document the beard-making process, and to highlight other great facial hair related art and craft. So why am I making fake beards? It’s my most frequently asked question: why, why, why?? My favorite way to respond to this question is, “Why not?” If you had an opportunity to make something creative and fun for a living, would you take it? My fake beard project was something that snowballed in popularity faster than I had ever thought possible. It offered me a chance to work on art and craft projects full time, and I decided to enjoy that opportunity and learn everything I could from it. You may have noticed, though,
that I avoid answering the question of, “Why beards?” The beard project has resonated with a lot of people, for many different reasons. I began making fake beards because it seemed like a funny idea, and I had a bunch of felt and yarn leftover from other projects. My friends thought they were really fun and silly, so I began making custom beards to match their hair and personalities. When more and more people started asking me to make them a beard, I decided to put the project online, and offer my beard making services to the world. Thus, I Made You A Beard was born.
Interested in purchasing your own hand-crafted beard? Check Erin out at www.imadeyouabeard.com! { Stache April 2011 14
CULTURE CUTS
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By Old Prospector In simpler times, the classic fight between good versus evil could be marked by hairless heroes and hairy-scary villains. But times have changed, and now we see heroes w ith beards, and clean- shaven villains. How’s one’ to discern? nce upon a time, thinks were simple: the Heroes had faces smoother than a baby’s bottom and Villains had long, thin, oily moustaches to twirl after tying the Distressed Damsel to a set of train tracks. Then along came the grizzled Drifter with his five o’clock shadow, The Gunslinger with his proud beard, and other Antiheroes who broke out of old archetypes.
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Thanks to these brave pioneers in the fight for facial follicle freedom it’s been okay for heroes to have beards, villains to be clean-shaven, and Antiheroes to blur the lines. However, much like superhero costumes there are still guidelines for who can get away with what. By default Heroes tend towards clean shaves, whether it’s because of artistic inertia or simple cultural popularity is up for grabs. Sometimes
Jafar and Genie from Disney’s “Aladdin” have subtle differences, but the eyebrows help to clue you into who to root for.
movies made in countries or/of eras that are friendlier to facial hair have a higher number of heroes and extras with beards and mustaches, though it is still very common to find anachronistically clean shaven male main characters. A full, thick, and above all well trimmed beard is almost always a sign of the good guys (Dwarfs, Santa, mentor characters, etc). The Obi Wan often has one. You will never, ever see a good character with a Fu Manchu mustache, nor one with a pencil thin
moustache, unless you are watching an Errol Flynn movie, or in fact any movie from the 1930s or 40s. Stubbles are an exception, as they’re usually a sign of badassedness. Speaking of which, any moustache resembling Adolf Hitler’s is off-limits (see the example below), even to villains, and can only be used to mock a character by photoshopping said moustache onto them (unless it’s Charlie Chaplin, because it was his look first). Villains with beards tend to either have long wispy ones, short {
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Snidley Whiplash is the stereotypical villain wearing black clothing, cape, and a top hat, and twirling his long handlebar moustache.
fancy ones, or wild and unkempt ones. This depends entirely on what flavor their villainy has. Sophisticated villains tend towards clean shaves and devil goatees and will almost always be very fastidious about their appearance.
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FEELING EVIL?
Featured Duo: Notorious good & evil facial hair from the Star Trek episode “Mirror Mirror” where the addition of a Goatee on Spock made it easier for audiences to differentiate the two.
THE SNIDLEY — After growing your moustache out about 3in, trim the middle closer to your nose. Using any wax, curl both tips of your moustache around hair curlers. Be sure to stay away from train tracks for a while though!
THE FU-MANCHU — For this very unique style, grow your moustache out as long as you’re capable, while trimming in between leaving considerable space. Just know that people will be able to recognize just how evil you are!
The classic “Fu-Machu” is one evil facial hair style that is still unique to the bad guys.
Savage villains are likelier to have a full on uncontrolled beard, possibly with braids or dreadlocks. Back alley thugs or unsavory types are likely to keep thin and scraggly beards, in line with their ratty appearance. An Antihero,
of course, can go either way, although they rarely have the wispy beards. Perma Stubble is popular for antiheroic characters (as well as the generally badass) as a contrast to clean-shaven heroes. One pop culture extreme is to get incredibly elaborate patterns in a full beard. Again, this depends on if the Antihero is the grungy unkempt kind or is going for a Blade like extravagance. For Evil Minions and foot soldiers one of the few perks they enjoy is complete freedom to go overboard with their
beards: long braids, intricate patterns, pencil thin flame designs and more are common. The punk/grunge/barbarian image their intricate styles boast is an excellent cue that they’ll soon be wishing they’d spent less time grooming and more practicing to dodge an Offhand Backhand. Whether a woman’s hairstyle is good or evil depends on when the show was filmed. The good
Good & Evil continued {
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THE JAFAR — This John-Watersmeets-shirly-temple mash-up requires a particular kind of evil. Maintain a hairline-moustache while you grow your beard out. Curl the tip of your beard around your finger often for best results.
THE EVIL TWIN — While the “eviltwin” goatee is not any different from a run-of-the-mill one, it does make for a quick disguise. Grow out your facial hair until it begins to get thick then create a sharp edge around your mouth.