Article I of the 43rd Standard Issue A compilation of simple and funny jokes
Birthday Joke Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about the present, I didn’t get you one.
The Walking Dead Joke Two Guys walked into a bar. Rick Grimes shot them.
Knock Knock Joke Knock Knock Who’s there? Etch Etch who? Bless you!
Political Joke How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb? Two, one to change it and one to change it back.
Article II Trump’s Cabinet
Intro Now that the jokes are out of the way, let’s get down to business. The President-Elect has begun to form his staff.
Attorney General Trump’s pick for Attorney General is Senator Jeff Sessions, a Senator from Alabama. He is currently in his fourth term, and a strong Trump supporter.
Education Secretary Trump’s pick for Education Secretary is Betsy DeVos. She is an advocate for school choice and charter schools, she is anti Common Core (the standards for education), and she is also a GOP donator.
Secretary of Health and Human Services Georgian Representative Tom Price, long time Obamacare critic, was Trump’s choice for the Secretary of Health and Human Services.
Secretary of Transportation For Secretary of Transportation, Trump has chosen Elaine Chao, former labor secretary for George W. Bush when He was president. She was the only member of Bush’s cabinet to serve through all 8 years of his presidency.
Secretary Of Treasury For Secretary Of Treasury, Trump picked Steven Mnuchin. Mnuchin was chief Information Officer at Goldman Sachs for 17 years, and founded the investment firm Dune Capital Management.
Secretary Of Commerce Wilbur Ross, known for his ability to get companies out of bankruptcy, was Trump’s pick for Secretary Of Commerce. He was also an economic advisor during Trump’s campaign.
Secretary Of Defense Ex-Marine James Mattis, a retired General, was chosen as Trump’s Secretary Of Defense. While Mattis has only been retired for 3 years, Congress is working on allowing him to serve as Secretary Of Defense anyway. (There is a law that blocks commissioned officers from serving as Secretary Of Defense for seven years after retirement.)
Secretary of Housing and Urban Development For the Secretary of Housing and Urban Development, Trump has chosen retired neurosurgeon and former fellow presidential candidate Dr. Ben Carson.
As there are many spots to fill, this will be the end of the Article, despite not naming (nearly) all of Trump’s cabinet.
Article III Christmas Gifts For Gamers
Final Fantasy XV In the September-February area this year, there are many games that are being released, and some that already HAVE been released. If your friend/family member enjoys adventuring or role-playing games, they may enjoy Final Fantasy XV (15). It is a science fiction series full of magic, technology, and interesting characters.
Halo Wars 2 If your gamer pal is into strategy games, Halo Wars 2 may be the game for them. The sequel to Halo Wars, released in 2009, Halo Wars 2 begins the story shortly after the end of Halo 5: Guardians, which released in October of 2015. It will also be a popular buy for Halo fans invested into the story. Unfortunately, it doesn’t release until February of 2017, so you’ll have to pre-order it.
Gears Of War Four Gears Of War 4 takes place 25 years after Gears Of War 3. It continues the story as JD Fenix, the son of Marcus Fenix (The protagonist in Gears Of War games 1-3). It is a third-person, cover-based shooter game with lots of action and gore.
Skyrim: Special Edition Skyrim: Special Edition is a remastered version of Bethesda’s The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, which was released in 2012. It is an open-world single-player game where the player has a storyline to finish, but other than that, they are free to make their own choices. Whether they want to be an assassin or a thief, side with an empire or a rebellion, be a hero or a villain, you can be sure they will never run out of options.
Dishonored 2 The sequel to Dishonored, Dishonored 2 is an assassination-based action game that encourages stealth, but allows players to choose between two characters, each with their own select weapons, abilities, and gadgets. They can go in guns blazing, or quiet as a whisper, using stealth and magic to eliminate their targets with minimal casualties besides.
Dead Rising 4 The next level of zombie-smashing fun, Dead Rising 4 allows players to play as Frank West, the protagonist from Dead Rising 1. In Dead Risings 2 and 3, the player controlled completely different characters, but in Dead Rising 4, Frank West returns to the location of Dead Rising 1’s zombie outbreak, only to find even more zombies. Combine anything and anything with duct tape to make a weapon, or upgrade your hand-to-hand abilities to become a zombie-murdering machine.
Battlefield 1 While it is the fifteenth in the Battlefield series, Battlefield 1 actually takes place all the way back in World War I. It is the first numbered Battlefield game since Battlefield 4, and will be available for Playstation Four, Xbox One, and PC gamers, as it can be played on any of the above. Just make sure you get the right one, because an Xbox can’t play a PC version of the game. Same with PS4. And vice versa. Essentially, it has to correspond to the console it is being used on, or it won’t work.
Watch Dogs 2 Watch Dogs 2 is the second game in the Watch Dogs series, and it is essentially a Grand Theft Auto game in which you can hack just about anything electronic. From traffic lights to helicopters, you can mess with anything electronic to bend it to your will. Hack into any car instantly, allowing you to get in and get driving without touching a key. Get to work, Tech Geek.
Titanfall 2 Stand by for Titanfall. Titanfall 2 is a First Person Shooter released in October of 2016 for the Xbox One, the Playstation Four, and Microsoft Windows. It is obviously the sequel to Titanfall, but like any good sequel, it is even more advanced than the previous game in the series, and in this case, that is saying quite a bit.
Article IV Gary Johnson On The Issues
Gary Johnson Gary Johnson was the Libertarian candidate in the 2016 presidential election. He was born on January 1st in Minot, North Dakota He was also the governor of New Mexico from 1995-2003
Taxes Gary Johnson supported FreeTax, a progressive tax plan that didn’t require those in poverty to pay taxes.
Abortion and Gay Marriage Gary Johnson is a heavy supporter of both Abortion Rights and same-sex marriage.
Foreign Policy Gary Johnson supported pulling troops out of Afghanistan and Iraq, as well ceasing U.S. Operations in Libya. In addition, he would bar physical or psychological torture for terror suspects.
Government Budget Gary Johnson’s plan was to reduce taxes and government spending, and rolling back of government assistance and oversight. He also supports the legalization, taxation, and regulation of Marijuana.
Immigration Gary Johnson supports simpler legal immigration, as well as more open borders. He also says his plan to legalize marijuana will reduce border violence.
This is my last one.