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Four Horseman in a Relationship
Four horsemen are negative interactive styles between couples impacting their relationship. These styles tell us about the probability of divorce according to the research by Dr. John Gottman.
By identifying these Four Horsemen in your arguments or conflicts, you can also find the antidotes to eliminate them.
1.
Criticism
Using statements that attack a person's entire personality such as “you never” or “you always” or statements including “always” and “never”
How to Manage - It is really important how we criticize in our relationships by maintaining respect and also communicating our feelings and expectations.
2.
Contempt
Treating the other one with disrespect, mocking with sarcasm, ridicule, calling names, mimicking or using body languages such as eye-rolling or scoffing. How to Manage - To repair the damage done from contempt, one has to very consciously and actively try and cultivate a culture of appreciation and respect in the relationship.
3.
Defensiveness
Typically a response to criticism, when we feel unjustly accused. We look for excuses and play victim so that our partner will back off.
Take Responsibility. Respect your partner's perspective. Acknowledge where you went wrong and respect the feedback you get from your partner..
4.
Stonewalling
Usually a response to contempt, Stonewalling occurs when one partner withdraws from the interaction, shuts down, and simply stops responding to the other partner. You might be hurt, so it's alright to take your time off and get yourself back on pace. When you feel calm, then speak to your partner.
When you see more negative in your relationship than positives, its time to reflect or seek counselling for relationship that can help you in finding and improving your communication style with your partner. Reach out www.betterlyf.com Online Counselling (Audio, Video, chat)