Recovery

Recovery Zaire Smith 


Recovery Zaire Smith

Recovery, Zaire Smith The Literary Arts Department, Pittsburgh CAPA 6-12, A Creative and Performing Arts Magnet

CopyrightŠ2019 Pittsburgh CAPA 6-12, A Creative and Performing Arts Magnet Pittsburgh,PA The copyright to the individual pieces remains the property of each individual.

Reproduction in any form by any means without specific written permission from the individual in prohibited.

For copies or inquires: Pittsburgh CAPA 6-12 Literary Arts Department Mara Cregan 111th Ninth Street Pittsburgh, PA 15222 Ms. Melissa A. Perlman, Principal 

Table of Contents No Carbs For You The Setup 25 Things You Didn't Know Weather and Clothes Don't Match How to Ruin a Party For Yourself Volleyball Loser It’s A Challenge To Be Yourself Dancing With Your Insecurities My Body is my Weakness

No Carbs For You Is it awful being a widow?

-Elda Van Steen, “Mr. and Mrs. Martins” Emily woke up early in the morning to get ready for school. She picked out her outfit, brushed her teeth, and pulled on her boots. When she walked in the kitchen her mom was sitting at the dining room table. The stench of black coffee turned her stomach, so she hurried to put her head in the fridge. She took out a bag of bagels and package of cream cheese.

“What are you doing?” asked her mom.

“I’m going to toast a bagel,” she said “What did the doctors say about carbs?” asked her mom.

“Do you always have to bring up what the doctor says?” Emily asked.

“I’m just reminding you.”

“That’s not fair you know, I been doing well with my diet,” Emily said, picking her bag up in a hurry to leave.

When Emily got to school, she met up with her friend Jamie and told her what happen this morning.

“Wow your mom’s that awful?”

There’s always a fight with Emily and her mom about what she ate. It’s always constant headaches about the certain food that she has to eat through the day, and her mom never made it any easier. Emily believed her moms constant negativity was the reason she couldn't pull herself out of the dark place she was in.

“What should I do?” asked Emily Jamie smiled sympathetically.

“Have you tried sitting down with her?”

“I haven't ever since I started this diet, I've been just following what she says.”

“Maybe you can try again!”

“She doesn't get it; how hard this is for me,” I mumbled.

“How about tonight, you talk to her about how you feel.”

When Emily got home from school that day and opened up the door, her mom was sitting in the living room. Lazily dazing at the tv, watching the Ellen show. Emily sat down next to her, cautiously, making sure not to disturb her.

“Mom can I talk to you?” asked Emily.

“You didn't fail a class did you?”

“No it’s not about school.”

“Oh good,” her mother mumbled.

“It’s not cool that you bring up what the doctors says every time I eat something” “You have to choose better choices.”

“I count my calories, drink water, and workout a few days after school,” Emily insisted.

“I’m telling you this for your own good” “This is not helping me, I'm trying to live. ” Emily leaves from the living room and goes to her room.

The Setup Although he had no particular regard for the government—(being a gypsy) he liked the idea of the “princess” and wouldn't of dream of stealing her necklace.

-Spencer Holst, “On Hope” When Emily got off the bus she started walking home. She noticed a boy walking in front of her, that he wasn’t from the neighborhood. He was focused on his music, he wasn't paying attention to anything. The boy was handsome, he looked up and saw Emily—and she smiled. He looked back down to his phone. As she opened her front door. She saw him walk up the steps to the new house next door. Opening the door her mom was standing by the stove cooking. She knew someone was coming over by the way the table was set.

“How was school honey?” asked Mom. “It was good, whose coming over?” asked Emily.

“The new neighbors the Edwards” “Why do we have to have people over today.”

C’mon it won’t be that bad, I talked to Cynthia she’s a nice woman” “I’m going to go upstairs” When Emily went upstairs to her room, she saw that her mom left a dress, tights, and flats on her bed. When she put her dress on she felt like blob. Emily hated the dress her mom picked out. She walked back down to the kitchen. She stood in front of here mom showing how she looks.

“Honey you look so cute” said mom “No I don’t I like a huge grape in this purple dress” said Emily “No you look fine”

“I can’t come to this dinner, this dress is embarrassing” “Emily you have to, also the Edward’s has a son that’s your age” “Why does that matter?” asked Emily “Cynthia and I were thinking it would be great for you and her son to get to know each other. So we reserved table for you two at Olive Garden.” asked mom “ You set me up on a date?” asked Emily “Yes sort of, and your only allowed to eat the salad” said mom “Does the son know about this date ?”

“No Cynthia was going to tell him at dinner” The door bell was ringing, Emily’s mom told her to see who was at the door.

Right before she opened it, she dashed up the stairs and hid in her room.

25 Things You Didn't Know —After Matthew Burnside 1. You cause your daughter hell. She hates when you comment about her weight.

2. A month ago when your daughter told you she had a crush on a boy, you told her she was fat. She’s nervous to talk to boys.

3. When you were younger your mom started putting healthier snack in the cabinet while you were at school. She threw away the box popcorn, can goods, and fruit snacks.

4. At Thanksgiving dinner when Emily asked for seconds her mom smacked her away from the mash potatoes. She watched everyone at the table reach for more food while she just sat there. She cried in her room.

5. The skirt Emily tired on in the mall, she remembered you said “you look wide”. That night she put all her skirts into a bag to go to the good will.

6. The last time you were at the mall and Emily asked you to buy her crop top shirt you said no. She hid the shirt in her bag when you weren't looking.

7. After having your daughter at eighteen your body didn't stay the same. Your husband was disgusted by stretch marks and loose skin.

8. When your boyfriend went to the jewelry store to get his mother’s bracelet for her birthday. He picked out ring for you.

9.Your on and off again boyfriend became your husband. He thought it was time to make it official with you.

10. When you handed your boyfriend the pregnancy test. He pretend he was happy so you wouldn't hurt the baby.

11. As a new mom, you won't know that a box diapers for a month would cost about thirty dollars. For the first year of your babies life formula will cost around $1,733.75.

12. When you were on the phone with your Mom talking about getting a divorce, she went to the hardware store to make another key for her house.

13. You daughter said her first words while you were at work. “Ma,Ma” she consider your mom as her mother for the first year of her life.

14.“After you bought your prom dress, your mom told you she forgot her keys in the store so she could go back in and buy a waist trainer.”

15. When you were having a fight with your husband, Emily locked herself in the bathroom. she climbed into the bath tub and covered her ears from her dad screaming.

16. Emily made her own salad for dinner without you telling her so.

17. Yesterday when you went to get gas the clerk was flirting with you. He ended up being your next husband.

18. At eight years old you gained a little weight. When your mom came home from shopping she got a scale so she could weigh every week.

19. Ever since Emily started 10th grade, you don't like her new friends because they’re the same size as Emily and you think they’ll continue her eating habits. She asked to go out with them to the movies and you said no. She snuck out when you went to bed.

20. When you went back to get gas the clerk asked you on a date. You crushed the receipt up before you can see he wrote his number.

21. Last night you had argument with Emily she can’t have a real conversation with you.

She decides to keep her feeling in.

22. When Emily was finishing up home last night she left some paper on the dinning room table. She made high honor roll.

23. After Emily thirty day diet you were so proud of her that she worked so hard to shed a few pounds. She started binge eating with snacks she brought from corner store.

24. Your father would look miserable when he left for work. It’s because your mom hid the liquor. When he had a good morning you would give him a hug, you would notice the weird smell of coffee on his breath.

25. While you were at work your husband was asleep in his chair not watching the baby.

When you called to check up on them he said everything was fine. Which was not the case.

Weather and Clothes Don't Match Cold weather always complicates things a bit, in summer you’re so close to the world.

—Julio Cortazar, “Don't You Blame Anyone” Cold weather always complicates things a bit, in summer you’re so close to the world. Today it was hot, the weather was making Emily uncomfortable. She couldn't stop sweating, her face is flush from the heat hitting her face. She went into the kitchen and put her head in the freezer, her face went back to her natural brown. She realizes it’s too hot to keep her sweaty shirt on. Emily walks up stairs and goes into her closet and she pulls out a tank top. Her head goes through the big hole and her arms out the small ones. As she pulls the shirt down, she tries to force it down but it will not go past her stomach. The shirt is not covering her bloated belly, so she pulls her jeans over it. Emily goes back into her closet and slides the hangers around until she finds a shirt that will fit. There’s a shirt from last year that was big on her. She only gained a few pounds so she thought that the shirt wouldn't fit that bad. She holds the shirt over her head, slides it over her arms. Emily mistakenly put her arms through the big hole and tries to stretch her head into arm hole. When she finally got the shirt on, the shirt fit snug but didn't care because it took way to long to get the shirt on. Emily blasted the air conditioning in her room, she grabbed a chair and sat in front of it. Her phone started ringing and it was Alissa wondering where she was. She was supposed to meet her in the park twenty minutes ago. She made plans but she didn't want to go back outside. Not today it would be to much of hassle to go to the park, and she’s already cool at home. Her phone started to ring, she pressed decline.

How to Ruin a Party For Yourself —After Jamaica Kincaid, “Girl” When going to a pool party you need to pack your bathing suit, extra clothes, charger, and never forget your shirt and shorts you’ll need them to swim with. Before coming to the party wear your pink one piece that was stuffed in your drawer all summer. Layer a cotton t-shirt on top and some shorts to wear under. Spray sunblock up and down your arms and legs, rub the milky white mist so it can sink into your skin.

Pull your hair into a bun so your braids won’t get wet, it will take forever for your hair to dry. Don’t look at your friends in their swimming suits, it will make you hate your body even more. Plus they will think that your gay. When your friend’s mom calls for you to get hot dogs, hamburgers, and chips don't rush to get it .Even if you’re hungry let the skinny people eat first. Eat slow don't eat so fast, take small bites of your food. Because people would expect you to scarf it down quickly. Don’t grab a soda, they already think you’re fat. Just grab a bottle of water. “Don’t go for seconds; don’t sneak snacks. That was enough.”

If it starts to get hot, keep your clothes on. When they ask to play chicken, your automatically bottom.Your friend will climb on your back like your mechanical bull. When boys come over, go to the bathroom, and hide for few minutes. Sit on the toilet and think about how to explain why you’re keeping your clothes on. Run the water so they think you’re actually using it. Remind yourself they came here to see girls with nice bodies. Sit down in a chair on the patio, don't talk to any boys, they will make you nervous. (If a boy ever tries to talk to which will never happen,) stay quiet. You will think the boy with the curly hair and little muscles is cute, but you will never say anything to

him. When your best friend comes to introduce you to everyone, you will pick up the phone and pretend your mom is calling you. When your asked “ Why aren't you getting in the pool” lie and say it’s too cold. When people ask “Why are you swimming in your shirt and shorts,” tell them it’s the best way to swim. If you take your shirt and shorts off you feel self conscious, like the boys are looking at you. Be a shame this your body.

Volleyball Loser On the bulletin, the teacher left a note in sloppy handwriting saying, “Today we’re playing volleyball start walking in the gym, we’ll play in a few.” Nobody ever walked around, some would sat down on the benches, play tag, or put their phone on the ground and dance. Often times, the skinny girls and guys would hop on each others back and do piggy back rides. People in the gym would grabbed the volleyball and start hitting it over the net even though the game hadn’t officially started yet. Our gym teacher entered the gym with a loud crash, her footsteps echoing out before she plopped down at the scoring station and told us to stand against the padded wall. As people were being picked, I heard complaining .“Dang I don't want to be on Jace’s team,” one girl said. I was picked last but I was on a pretty good team this time. I stood in my regular spot in the back. The teams went on the other side of the net. The good players stayed in the front so they could smack the ball down on the other team. I stayed in the back. The ball usually never came to me. There was Janey. She really sucked at the game but she was a nice person. Gavin was the best at every sport, once in kickball he kicked the ball so hard it almost hit my head. The prissy girls were to afraid to hit the ball. I like to think that I’m pretty good player, unlike Janey I can hit the ball.

I’m aggressive at times but other times, I scream when the ball almost touches the ground. The ball was served to my side. Gavin hit it with a powerful force to the back corner. The back corner is the easiest space to hit the ball because no one pays attention. When the ball came over to our court it took forever to get it back over. Finally my chance came, the ball spiraled towards me, I lifted my hand and smacked the ball to the other side of the court. My entire team cheered when the ball hit the ground, all

giving me high fives and cheering my name. I had finally showed my class, I was capable of something, I deserved to be picked first.  

Volleyball Loser On the bulletin, the teacher left a note in sloppy handwriting saying, “ Today we’re playing volleyball “start walking in the gym, we’ll play in a few.” Nobody ever walked around, some would sat down on the benches, play tag, or put their phone on the ground and dance. Often times, the skinny girls and guys would hop on each others back and do piggy back rides. People in the gym would grabbed the volleyball and start hitting it over the net even though the game hadn’t officially started yet. Our gym teacher entered the gym with a loud crash, her footsteps echoing out before she plopped down at the scoring station and told us to stand against the padded wall. I was picked last but I was on a pretty alright team this time. I stood in my regular spot in the back. The ball usually never came to me. There was Janey. She really sucked at the game but she was a nice person. Gavin was the best at every sport, once in kickball he kicked the ball so hard it almost hit my head. The prissy girls were to afraid to hit the ball. I like to think that I’m pretty good player, unlike Janey I can hit the ball. The ball was served to my side. When the ball came over to our court it took forever to get it back over. Finally my chance came, the ball spiraled towards me, I lifted my hand and smacked the ball to the other side of the court. My entire team cheered when the ball hit the ground, all giving me high fives and cheering my name. I had finally showed my class, I was capable of something, I deserved to be picked first.

Volleyball Loser On the bulletin, the teacher left a note in sloppy handwriting saying, “ Today we’re playing volleyball “start walking in the gym, we’ll play in a few.” Nobody ever walked around, some would sat down on the benches, play tag, or put their phone on the ground and dance. Often times, the skinny girls and guys would hop on each others back and do piggy back rides. Our gym teacher entered the gym with a loud crash, her footsteps echoing out before she plopped down at the scoring station and told us to stand against the padded wall. I was picked last but I was on a pretty alright team this time. I stood in my regular spot in the back. The ball usually never came to me. There was Janey. She really sucked at the game but she was a nice person. The prissy girls were to afraid to hit the ball. The ball was served to my side. When the ball came over to our court it took forever to get it back over. Finally my chance came, the ball spiraled towards me, I lifted my hand and smacked the ball to the other side of the court. My entire team cheered when the ball hit the ground, all giving me high fives and cheering my name. I had finally showed my class, I was capable of something, I deserved to be picked first.

It’s a Challenge To Be Yourself Today Emily had the day off from school, she finally had day that she could relax.

She laid in bed watching tv, poured chips in bowl, and wrapped her plush blanket around her. “A waist trainer commercial interrupted The Polar Express every so often.”

Skinny women walking back and forth showing it off, twisting their hips. One woman showed how to wrap the intestine squeezer around her waist. Just a little bit skinny, Emily wished she was smaller. She was confused why the skinny women need it, they were already skinny. Emily remembered last week when she and her mom were shopping for clothes, she saw these cute ripped jeans with studs on the back pockets.

Her mom agreed that they were cute too, but she told her to get a bigger size because she looked like she gained a few pounds. The telephone number popped on the screen, she was thinking about calling the number. She pulled her wallet from her back pack.

She dialed the number, there was a woman that answered in foreign language. She was ready to read off her credit card number to her. But she ended the call quick. She thought the women were showing the wrong message, about how her body should be.

So she put her wallet back into her bag, and continued watching the movie. From downstairs she heard her sister come in. Natalie came into her room with a bag and she poured makeup over her bed. “ Where did you get all this makeup from?” Emily said. “ Why are you saying it like that, it’s free makeup.” Natalie said.

“A worker at Sephora was giving away a bunch of samples.”

She turned back to the tv. Natalie bringing home makeup made her think of the time she went to the mall with her friend. One of the kiosk workers offered her contour palette to

slim down her nose. She remember her saying her nose was pig like. Whenever she went to the mall she would rush quickly pass the kiosk. Emily looked through the pile and found makeup brands like MAC, Tarte Cosmetics, and TooFaced. She loved makeup just as her sister but not to much of it. In the pile she finds contour palette, she opened it. There was instruction on how to blend the contour into your skin, so you could get the slim cheek bones and nose. Now, as she watched her sister try to slim down her nose by contouring, she became mad.

“You shouldn’t use this contour palette” Emily said.

“The worker said I can my cheeks smaller, you know I don't like my big cheeks,” Natalie replied.

“Your face is fine” Emily said.

“What’s the difference—you use concealer for dark circles” Natalie said.

“In the morning I don't look so good.” Emily said.

“Let’s see if we can go a week with out makeup” Natalie said “Okay bet” Emily said.

Dancing With Your Insecurities One night after school, a very shy girl walked into a cafeteria, with a flyer in her hand. Balloons filled the room, like people and the music vibrated the floor. Her heels scratched the wood by her walking back and forth wondering where everyone was. She grabbed a handful of pretzels and sat down at a table. She got so bored that she would bend the little pieces of confetti. Soon people started to charge into the room. Girls walked in with their pretty dress and with their hair straight and flat, boy wore their suspender over their clean button down shirts and their slicked back gel hair. The girl ran to the bathroom, to look at her self in the mirror, in her mind the mirror would shatter to pieces if it could. She looked like grandma. She could hear the drag of heels entering into the bathroom. It was the girls. The one girl had winkles on the side of her eyes, the second girl her legs were hairy, and third had unibrow girl. The girl wiped water onto her face. The water flew from her hands. She could feel a push from the hairy girl.

“Don't push me,” said the shy girl “What are you wearing?” asked the one.

“That dress looks trashy.” said the one with the wrinkles.

“There’s nothing wrong with my dress.” she said.

“You’ll never get a boy not with that hideous face.”

“Why don't you all go get botox, shave your legs, and wax that unibrow off your face.”

“Ya see girls she wants to get tuff.” said the unibrow.

“But she knows she’s not.” The shy girl said.

“I’m not scared of you,” she said.

She pushed through them, and one of them tripped her. Her knee grazed the ground. They tugged at her dress, and it started to rip. She crawled to a corner in the bathroom. You could hear her weeping. The floor started to collapse under her, she was falling into the hole. She had fallen into a classroom. She sat in a desk. There were the three girls that sat behind her. The screen in front of them turned on. The flickering of number counting down from ten. A video plays from youtube showed two people bullying a kid, and words appear across the screen. How it’s not okay to bully. The video cut off, a woman stood on a stage in front of thousands of people. She said herself image was important to her, how her body is never going to be how she wants it unless she loves herself. The girl got out of her seat walked to the door. The woman on the video continued to talk. “ Don’t be afraid about what others think of you.” The girl shakes the door to get out. “You should not call yourself ugly, and you should never hide. I was once like you,” and she pointed at the girl. “ I could never be myself around people. My body was my weakness, that made my life crumble.

“Every day you have to tell yourself that you’re beautiful.” she said.

She stops trying to force the door open and turned to the screen.

“Yes you, you have imperfection and that is what makes you perfect.” she said.

Everyone is going to have something that dislike about themselves, you can always change yourself for the better. The video turned off and they all were lifted back up to the dance floor. They stood in the crowds of people, there was no expression from them popping up in the middle of dance. I guess they didn't notice. Through the gap of people, the girl saw a table, when she was walking to the table she grabbed hold go

chair. She felt someone pull on to her other arm. It was A girl with long brown hair and pink dress on. “ Hey, why are about to sit down” asked the girl.

“I’m just a little tired,” she said.

“You didn't come to sit down come on.” she said.

The girl with the pink dress pulls the girl to the dance floor and made her dance with her. They held hands together and twirled to the music. They wave their arms to the beat. They lean and shook their bodies like they where under am imaginary limbo pole.

It was ten’o clock and people were leaving one by one. The music was beginning to turn low. Teacher were collecting table covers. The girl and her friend with pink dress were laying on the floor. Time was passing by, they didn't notice how many people were leaving until they were they only two in the room. There was phone constant flash coming from the table. It was the girls phone. Her mom was outside, calling for her to come outside. The girl in the pink dress grabbed her phone and enter her phone number in. They hugged and the girl left from the cafeteria.

My Body Was My Weakness Alisha invited Emily to go to the mall with her over the weekend because she saw that there was something off about her in school. She was late all week and she ignored her friends. As Emily was walking into the food court she saw Alisha.

Obsession over her weight these days made her want to be someone else. She was trying to get the weight off by eating the right things but the numbers on the scale wouldn’t budge. Alisha wanted to go to the food court before shopping. Emily told her that she couldn't be around mall food. Emily stood beside her in the “Pizza Villa” line, she felt like the eyes in the food court were on her. She was the big girl in the line waiting for pizza. In front of her, Emily recognized a girl from middle school. If the girl would turned around she would see nothing has changed, the same chunky mess from middle school. Emily hurried to find a table before the girl could see her. Alisha came to the table with a slice of pizza and side salad for Emily. Her mother’s voice in her head while chopping up her salad. “ Eat slow don’t stuff it down your mouth”. After they had eaten, Emily went into ALDO. As she was looking through the variety of shoes she found red suede flats. She was indecisive about how the shoes looked. She asked for a different size in front they were tight and gabbing on the sides. Alisha was finding a lot of shoes that looked great on her, but nothing was working for Emily so she didn't end up getting anything. They browsed around different stores, went into Forever 21 and found a few outfits, Emily just found a shirt. As they were about to head out, Emily notice there was boutique by the entrance. She went into the store, and she eyed a cute dress. Emily pulled the dress off the rack, and told Alisha to wait outside the dressing room so she could try the dress on. As she was trying on the dress, it was form fitting

and hugged her body which she wasn’t used to. Emily walked out the dressing room to show Alisha. Alisha looked at her and loved the dress on her. There was a full body length mirror were Emily could see herself. Two girls walked pass her going through the dressing room. She notice the girls looking at her and she got anxious which made her dash into the room.

Her thoughts on how she look changed, she started to put her clothes on. The last time Emily was at the mall she remember the embarrassing argument with her mom. Emily and her mom were browsing in Zara to find her mom an outfit for an office party. She noticed a skater skirt. She tried it on in the dressing room, it fitted pretty well.

When she showed her mom she didn't like. “No that skirt makes you look wide�. She put the dress back on and walked out in front of the girls. She ripped the tag off from the back of the dress and handed it to the cashier.