DEAR KIKI
H
LittleVillageMag.com/DearKiki
i,
My girlfriend and I are 60+ years old. We are both concerned about getting the COVID virus. We have separate homes and practice social distancing when we spend time together. My question has to do with sex. We do not kiss, massage, have intercourse, oral sex or manual sex at all now. I think we could safely use our hands to manually give each other orgasms. She thinks this could not be done safely. Help, I think
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Various experts from the Mayo Clinic to the American Sexual Health Association and many others have noted that there is no evidence that the novel coronavirus can spread through semen or vaginal fluids. However, all of their sex recommendations begin with the fact that it’s safe to pleasure yourself, but anything beyond that is just mitigating— not eliminating—risk. COVID best practices are changing constantly as new information comes to light. Remember that the reason we’re all in this (ahem) position is because this COMING TOGETHER AGAIN AFTER A LONG is a novel virus. PERIOD APART CAN BE CATACLYSMIC— Research is ongoESPECIALLY WITH THE KNOWLEDGE THAT ing. (So even if you can’t be comfortTHE CAUSE OF THE DELAY IS A DEEP ed by my words, CONCERN FOR ONE ANOTHER’S WELL-BEING. please don’t despair.) But the key recommendations that have persisted are: wear a mask, wash with masks and hand sanitizer we could your hands and monitor your symptoms. enjoy it safely. It has been four months of If you decide to move forward with your abstinence and thinking of possibly a year explorations of safer sex, please do so with or longer seems too long. Are there safe opthose three points in mind. tions to give each other orgasms? I’m truly sorry that I can’t give you a Thanks, Sexual Distancing more positive response, Distancing. Please make sure that you’re taking care of your ear Distancing, relationship in other ways while you abI’m so glad that you are keepstain. Now may be a good time to explore ing safety at the forefront of couples counseling, for example (remember your considerations! That can that, like physical health, visiting doctors be a challenge, especially as the COVID-19 for mental or relational health can—and pandemic drags on for more than half a year. should!—be preventative, not just after Impatience can rear its ugly head, but the damage is done). Explore non-sexual types beautiful thing is that waiting can be a powof intimacy. Love actively, and you’ll surerful aphrodisiac. Coming together again vive this season of lack of activity. after a long period apart can be cataclysmic—especially with the knowledge that the xoxo, Kiki cause of the delay is a deep concern for one another’s well-being. The key to a loving relationship at any time, but especially in COVID-times, is carefully assessing risk together in all things. If one of you is completely comfortable and the other is not, then the encounter will not be mutually pleasurable, and it may strain the relationship worse than abstainQuestions about love and sex in the Iowa ing. If your other risk factors are minimal, City-Cedar Rapids area can be submitted it’s worth considering simply widening to dearkiki@littlevillagemag.com, or your “COVID bubble” (the people who you anonymously at littlevillagemag.com/ interact with as normal) to include one andearkiki. Questions may be edited for other—but again, it’s a decision to be made clarity and length, and may appear either together, taking into account your individual in print or online at littlevillagemag.com. work, family and health situations.
D
KIKI WANTS QUESTIONS!
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