DEAR KIKI
LittleVillageMag.com/DearKiki
D
ear Kiki, I miss having night sex. The kids are always home and are old enough that they stay up past my bedtime (10 p.m.). The other night I stayed up until the coast was clear and even texted my husband to come upstairs. Then we heard one get up to go to the bathroom! It’s unfair! They never leave and they never sleep! I’m not like those people who can compartmentalize erotic feelings from fully conscious, walking-around, going-to-the-bathroom kids. I get skeezed by the thought of them hearing sounds from the bedroom. No thank you! Any suggestions? —Under Observation
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Then of course there are the old stand-by techniques: Play loud music to drown out the sounds. Give your kids hard labor (shoveling; cleaning the garage) to accomplish in the late evening so they pass out early. Buy them each a new video game they’ve been wanting so they don’t leave their rooms for a while. Or you could just try to be as quiet as possible—it’s not a long-term solution, but as a one-off you might find the switch-up is erotic. Get something to bite down on so you don’t scream; slow things way down so the bed doesn’t creak. Worst-case scenario, if you can afford it, book a night or two at a hotel. That might sound frightening if you’ve been strictly Dear U.O., isolating during the pandemic, but charts of Ah, privacy issues during a pandemic! risk factors tend to rank staying at a hotel Who knew that the greatest test of the modern as low-to-moderate, in the same category as era would be whether we can actually stand sitting in a doctor’s office waiting room and being around the people we love? Being having an outdoor meal at a restaurant. And trapped inside a home of any size with the the CDC has a list of suggestions to make same people for months on end is bound to hotel stays safer. Bottom line: Where there’s a PLAY LOUD MUSIC TO DROWN OUT THE SOUNDS. will, there’s a way. GIVE YOUR KIDS HARD LABOR (SHOVELING; Make sure you enlist your husband’s CLEANING THE GARAGE) TO ACCOMPLISH IN help in trying to THE LATE EVENING SO THEY PASS OUT EARLY. solve this conundrum; working on BUY THEM EACH A NEW VIDEO GAME THEY’VE a problem together BEEN WANTING SO THEY DON’T LEAVE THEIR can provide some ROOMS FOR A WHILE. OR YOU COULD JUST TRY lovely moments of intimacy, even if TO BE AS QUIET AS POSSIBLE. it’s not the specific release you desire—and talking openly about both of your break even the least discreet of us. needs and what you’re currently missing is You say you miss having “night sex,” both sexy and invaluable to your relationship. which implies that you are, in fact, able to xoxo, Kiki find time to be intimate at other points during the day. Congrats! Maybe your kids are attending in-person school; maybe you’re able to wake before they do in the morning. Either way, at least some of your needs are being met. That’s awesome! I know it’s not “enough,” but it’s worth relishing. Are there ways you can make your current escapades more like the ones you desire? Blackout curtains on the windows, perhaps? Questions about love and sex in the Iowa Beyond that, consider setting an alarm. City-Cedar Rapids area can be submitted Go to bed at your regular time, wake up for to dearkiki@littlevillagemag.com, or a little midnight tumble, then conk back out. anonymously at littlevillagemag.com/ Disturbing your sleep schedule isn’t ideal, dearkiki. Questions may be edited for but if it’s a night when neither you nor your clarity and length, and may appear either husband has to work the next day (so you can in print or online at littlevillagemag.com. sleep in a bit), you might give it a try.
KIKI WANTS QUESTIONS!
LITTLEVILLAGEMAG.COM/LV290 Jan. 6–Feb. 2, 2021 51
