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Cedar Rapids considers a major river recreation project (April 19)
AN APOLOGY
A B O U T
T O W N
AUDREY BROCK
It’s come to my attention that my last column, in which I fanned the flames of what is apparently a longstanding feud between
Des Moines is doing this very same thing.
Cedar Rapids and Iowa City, has sparked a bit of controversy. This
WHO asked for this?? And how does rafting
is, of course, a good thing. After all, what is the purpose of a local
“revitalize” the river? By offering more avenues
magazine, if not to engage the community? Plus, it’s always nice
for it to be further polluted with plastic during
to know that people are actually reading these things, and I’m not
events???? This is just a scheme to get more
just writing weird little rants to nobody, like a very narcissistic ep-
tourists in the city. Maybe CR should actually
isode of The Twilight Zone. For someone whose only interaction
help its citizens who are still recovering from
on any given weekend is with the Chinese delivery guy, outraged
the derecho and still suffering because of the
Instagram DMs basically feel like Valentines.
pandemic instead of this weird tourist junk that
However, it appears as though some people were sincerely hurt by some of my
most locals won’t even have the opportunity to
comments, and for that I am sorry. I’d like to clarify that I harbor no ill will towards Cedar
use. —RT B.
Rapids, because having strong feelings of antipathy for the mid-sized Midwestern city of your birth is the sort of thing that only works during your middle school pop-punk phase.
Cedar Rapids could plant a 20-acre prairie full
That said, I feel it’s important to clarify that this is a humor column, and its contents
of prairie flowers in the floodplain . . . oh wait,
should certainly not be taken as genuine. In other columns published this year, I have re-
it already did that and the council has just
peatedly made light of alcoholism and openly called for teenagers to drown themselves
approved the destruction of the prairie in favor
in order to avoid spreading COVID. Those were, y’know, jokes, and I’m sure some people
of an industrial rail yard. —Rob H.
found them to be in poor taste, but I find it interesting that people are much more offended by the (admittedly not original) observation that a lot of my high school friends have
State loosens restrictions around dogs on restaurant patios (April 28)
the same dye job they did when we were 16. Anyway, that little crack I made about Mexican food had the happy side effect of getting me a whole bunch of restaurant recommendations, which I am only too happy to take.
UGH I have no interest in eating with other
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