DEAR KIKI
LittleVillageMag.com/DearKiki
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ear Kiki, I have a really good friend who well to have broadened your base of support. has been trying for over a year to Remember, Embarazada, that you can’t conget pregnant and is really frustrated trol your friend’s feelings. This is frankly a that it’s taking so long. She confides in me and damned good lesson for you to be learning as you I offer what emotional support I can without prepare to be a first-time parent. You will hurt her proffering unsolicited advice, and I’m glad she feelings, just as you will find that things outside trusts me. She’s sick of people giving her ad- your control cause your child to be unfathomably vice and is kind of losing upset. Steel yourself. It’s hope. Problem is, I just not fun, but it’s necessary. found out that I’m pregAll you can do is moninant after trying for only tor your intentions and be STEEL YOURSELF. a month. I was assuming there when they’re ready to IT’S NOT FUN, BUT it would take longer and turn to you. IT’S NECESSARY. was surprised it happened It sucks to hear, but she “first try,” as it were. I’m likely will feel bitterness, ALL YOU CAN DO really nervous to tell her jealousy and resentment. IS MONITOR YOUR because I don’t want her to That’s her burden to bear, INTENTIONS AND feel any bitterness, jealouand the worst thing you sy or resentment about it. can do is make her feel BE THERE WHEN I don’t want this to affect worse about it by centering THEY’RE READY our friendship. Since I’m your feelings on the matter. still early on, I haven’t told Sometimes, life just gets in TO TURN TO YOU. anyone except for my boythe way. It’s not a matter of friend and a couple really “fault” on the part of either old friends from school. of you, but it’s real and betBut when the time comes for me to break the ter faced than avoided. Just be honest with her, news, I’m really afraid of inadvertently hurting Embarazada. Honesty and patience are what will her feelings. How should I handle this? salvage this friendship, not caution and attempts —Embarazada at perfection. And remember too, pragmatically, that the further along you get in your pregnancy, the more your emotions will be heightened—so ear Embarazada, While it’s valuable and kind don’t wait too long to tell her. Do it soon, take that you’re concerned about your it seriously and don’t make her reactions about friend’s feelings, you may have you. Let her experience the full range of her feelstumbled upon a no-win scenario here. It seems ings about this. Attempting to manage her emohighly unlikely that, given the circumstances, tions is in the same category as giving her advice: you’ll remain her confidant once she knows to be avoided. xoxo, Kiki you’re expecting: Not because of anything you’ve done, but simply because watching your belly grow may be too triggering for her. She can’t be expected to feign excitement through her sadness any more than you should be expected to dampen your excitement. That doesn’t mean you should give up on this relationship. On the contrary, perhaps you can prime some mutual acquaintances to step into the gap that you will be leaving. You seem to have a distinct ability to understand her need for support without advice, and if you can help someone else truly come to that understanding as well, they Submit questions anonymously might be able to take your place, so to speak. at littlevillagemag.com/dearkiki Because, Embarazada, when the time comes for or non-anonymously to you to have your child, and if she eventually has dearkiki@littlevillagemag.com. one as well, you’ll learn the wisdom of the axiom Questions may be edited for clarity and that “it takes a village”—having just one person length, and may appear either in print or to rely on, no matter how wonderful they are, will online at littlevillagemag.com. likely be insufficient, and it will serve you both
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KIKI WANTS QUESTIONS!
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