Perks of donorship

 Recognition on our Supporters page on the web and in print

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 Invitations to special members-only events

$50/month

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Thanks to our February donors

Ed Flaherty

Tracey Hamlet

Jeremy Hauskins

John Knutson

Dexter Merschbrock

Matthew Russell the student org YouTube channel.

Elly found that video through my application process and she said that what they did find on me was very compelling and they will be happy to give me an opportunity to play on a bigger stage.

What’s exciting to you about being able to play on a stage like that? When I first got booked, I was like, “Oh, this is like, a big fest, I feel like I need to step up my game.” So before getting accepted into Mission Creek, I hadn’t really entertained the idea of being backed with an ensemble. … From experience with having a band in high school, it was really hard to coordinate everyone’s schedules.

But I think with Mission Creek Fest, there’s the potential for a lot of people to see me and I was like, “I have to step it up.” So I’ll be playing all of my solo songs with a bassist and drummer who are both friends I knew prior to Mission Creek.

For people who maybe haven’t heard you play before, how would you describe your sound? I draw a lot of my stripped down voice and guitar style from the artists NoSo, who SCOPE actually brought to the homecoming concert this past October, they were the opening act.

I listen to a lot of emo-folk adjacent artists, so the Phoebe Bridgers and Lucy Dacus types, kinda mixed with pop-punk DJ vocals, because when I got to middle school and high school I was really into My Chemical Romance and Neck Deep’s style and I feel like that translates into the way that I write and sing as well.

When I first started playing solo I compared my stuff to acoustic versions of pop punk songs that don’t exist yet.

Is there anything else you want to add for people reading this? Going along with feeling the need to be represented in the music scene, on top of being like a non-white indie musician— and I alluded to in the SCOPE video as well—I’m also a transgender man. It’s a rare thing in the music industry in general, but especially in that indie-rock scene to find a musician who is both non-white and genderqueer.

I look up to a lot of musicians, but looking for musicians I can relate to, it’s kind of slim pickings, which is why I draw such heavy inspiration from NoSo, who is Korean American and also nonbinary.

It just means a lot to be able to see somebody who was more like me play on a big stage. So I kind of carry that with me. As long as I’m playing at Mission Creek, I hope that other folks can share in my excitement.

Dear Kiki, I have a friend group from college that have kept in touch over the years through a group text. Friend A and B lived together, while friend C and I live fairly close and occasionally visit each other. I always knew A and B to be pretty inseparable, but recently A texted me saying that B moved away suddenly with very little warning, leaving A in a bit of a bind, and now they’re having a falling out because of it. I’m not sure what to do. I’ve known B to be a bit selfish in the past, so this behavior tracks with her past actions, but it was still shocking. B hasn’t mentioned it at all, and I’m afraid to ask for details. I feel like my long-standing friend group is falling apart and I don’t know whose side to take. A isn’t texting me back about the situation and I don’t want to pressure them, but the whole situation makes me feel so distant and I’m not sure what to do. I don’t want to just stop talking to any of them, but I’m worried that talking to one will make the other think that I’m taking sides. We’ve all been friends for so long and it’s breaking my heart.

Sincerely,

Frazzled Friend

situations change, and some rifts are unmendable. What I want you to do here is give yourself permission to grieve. Again, you can’t control them. You can’t “fix” this, no matter what you do. Whatever happens, happens: If the friend group is broken, you will have to find a way to survive that, just like any other ending.

There’s a trivialization of friendship in U.S. culture, but rest assured that this experience carries as much trauma as the end of a romantic relationship or the loss of a job. Don’t be a hero, Friend. Your heart is breaking and you need to honor that grief and be gentle with it. Give yourself time and space to heal, and cherish whatever platitudes have gotten you through similar situations in the past: Yes, you will find new friends eventually. Yes, you will still have joy in the future even though it will look differently than you imagined. Yes, you are still a good friend. And yes, this happens to even the most diligent and caring people.

Dear Friend,

I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling frazzled. It’s hard when people we care about beef with each other, because we absorb all of the hostility yet feel powerless to affect the situation in any way. It sucks.

There’s a couple of things to dig into here.

The first is the toll the situation is taking on you. This is a prime example of a “put your mask on first” situation. You’ll be no help to either of them (or the other people in your life) if you don’t protect your own capacity. What’s important for you to remember is that these are grownass adults making choices. As their friend, you are allowed to have opinions. But you don’t bear any responsibility for their decisions nor do you need to bend your reactions to their convenience.

The best thing you can do in this and any other relationship is react honestly and speak with kindness. Because this is a fraught situation, one or both of them might feel like you’re taking sides. But you can’t control their feelings. They might feel like you’re taking sides even if you do nothing at all. And at the end of the day, it’s better to deal with the fallout of honest reactions than to change your behavior and face that fallout anyway. Just be there for them, as much as you are able.

The other issue, Friend, is that awful feeling of fracturing that you need to navigate. I wish I had better news, but the truth is that people and

You speak of being afraid to talk to B and say that A isn’t returning your messages. But where is C in all this? How are they feeling? Have you spoken to them? No one wants to feel like they’re talking out of class about other people’s problems, but you need to respect the ring theory here: comfort in, dump out. A and B are at the center of this. They are the ones the core situation is happening to. Be there to comfort them, but only express your frustration and grief to people on your ring or further out.

Lean on C or on other friends less involved. Expressing and trying to come to terms with your own feelings isn’t gossiping and it isn’t disrespectful to A or B. It’s how you protect yourself in order to help them better. Here’s to a less-frazzled future, Friend. —xoxo, Kiki myself. I was tired of this cycle. I was angry at how I was being treated. I was angry at being dismissed by close ones around me. It finally clicked in my brain that I deserved so much better from others but most importantly myself.

I started reading self-help books such as Body Positive Power by Megan Jayne Crabbe and The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf. I started surrounding my social media with diverse body types, disabilities, cultures, ethnicities and more. I let myself cry all the tears I needed to. So in the summer of 2022, June 14, when I was told I am “stronger than you think” by a, now, friend, I was stunned. That statement hasn’t left my mind since that day.

June 14 is my brother’s birthday and this would have been his 39th birthday. My brother passed away suddenly when I was 14 years old. I compare our strengths a lot. He had severe cerebral palsy and I had undiagnosed (at the time) autism. He could not walk the last five years of his life and I was contemplating my own. He was the one to pass away when I tried to.

I have felt deeply in my life. Sometimes I am told I am “too emotional.” Now I am told I am “strong.” Looking back, I am only “strong” because I had to be and I have to be. I have no other option for myself but to continue my life and heal. I do not have any other choice. On my dark days, I am still considered “strong” when I feel the weakest.

Strong people are not strong by choice. We have gone through trials and tribulations. We have cried and felt fearful for most of our life. Even as I heal, I am still fearful of life to this day. I may stand straight, shoulders back and chin up, but this is the only way of survival I know.

Remember this when you look at your heroes or people you wish to become one day, they did not become a strong figure in life because of choice. Behind every strong individual is a battle of a journey.

Teri Underhill is a creative based in Norwalk, Iowa.