Silje Ree - Series of thoughts during lockdown

Silje Ree is a Norwegian visual poet and artist based in London, currently studying MA Visual Arts: Book Arts at UAL. She designs, creates and prints books for Mellom Press exploring the interplay between poetry, languages and imagery. She curated the Mellom press’ online visual poetry exhibition ‘Trånslatiøns’. Her work has been published and displayed in places such as 3:am magazine, Poem Atlas, the Poetry Society, 5th Base Gallery and Museum of Futures in London, and Lasso, Filologen and Studio K in Norway. Her two poetry pamphlets Melodilaust tone fall (2019) and E∩N (2018) explores code-switching between English and Norwegian

Thoughts

I never found my thoughts poetic enough to be written or fit for poetry. I never found my feelings pure enough to say something new.

If my thoughts were not meant for poetry, is poetry meant for me? I never let myself onto the page in fear of not having anything to say that was original or new or something anyone would want to read because someone else had already said it better.

Afraid of failure, I’ve disguised my words in images and code-switching in hope of making it more interesting.

And this poem was never meant for the page or to be anything more than a forbidden train of thought.

But here they are for real and without filter, my words my biggest fear written down and presented to you.

Decision

I chose the certainty of London that spring would come and summer follow that it would be warm that things might resume quickly

I chose the everyday to be with my books and habits knowing it would advantage my studies and coming back after leaving seemed unlikely so I chose to wait I chose not to return home to the sea and rain

some days I wonder if I made the right choice

Home

I wanna say I miss you when in reality it’s the idea of you that I miss I don’t miss how it rains all the time or how you’re a constant state of grey but your sunny side that you show once or twice a year, I miss the cabin a four-hour drive away from trains, traffic and neighbours I miss the mountains and forest. The cabin, a sunny stillness guarded by trees and the river glistering in the light of the sun feeling like the rest of the world is non-existent

I wanna say I miss you when in reality what I miss you cannot provide

Lockdown

Phase one: March scared and hopelessness time slow baking loads.

Phase two: April enjoyment time on hand baking and planning

Phase three: May happiness mixed with anxiety time speeding up fear of going back not wanting to go back not doing enough not relaxing enough nothing is wrong nothing is why do I feel like this?

Phase four: June – should I work harder? will I be able to? what if I fail? what if? what next? the new normal?

Escape

Lately I’ve found solace in the arts of baking the precise science of turning banana into bread and eggs into custard a sudden excitement like most of Britain I’ve scoured every shelf, every shop looking for even a tiny bag, please – I don’t need much using bread flour for cake self-raising flour for thin pancakes I’ve made cookies, cinnamon buns, chocolate cake and carrot rolls cottage cheese no-knead rolls, quick-baking banana scones, plain buns and buns with custard apple cake, cake with sugar, cake without sugar and two-ingredient banana cake using skills like planning and writing shopping lists and scrolling for hours I’m subscribed to the top ten baking channels on YouTube and recreating food sensations from Instagram spending all my time honing my inner Mary Berry one might question the need to bake more than I have done before within just a couple of months and I don’t really know what to say other than would you like a slice of mango strawberry banana cake?