Most of the funnies you see in these pages are sent from friends and colleagues or are freely circulating via the internet. I am constantly on the look out for more material so please send in anything you have or have heard whilst out and about. It doesn’t have to be ‘professional’ – your witty observations on life are always welcome. If you’re feeling a bit low - read on... As they say, laughter is the best medicine! Thanks for this issue go to my many facebook friends, LIVErNORTH colleagues and ‘the internet’.
Helens Howlers
18
WARNING - SOME JOKES UNSUITABLE FOR CHILDREN - YOU HAVE BEEN TOLD!
Just got a job at a Chess Factory! (I'm on Knights next week) Jack who had been very proud of his performance in the bedroom went to the Doctors to complain that it had all gone wrong. ‘Well’ said the Doctor ‘We will start at the beginning I will give you this jar - give a sample and bring it back tomorrow’. Off he went jar in hand returning the next day with an empty jar. ‘What happened?’ asked the Doctor. ‘Got home, tried with my right hand then my left nothing happened. Called the wife ‘you have to help me’. She tried with her right hand then left nothing. ‘Right’ she said we will have to ask Nora next door to help. Over came Nora she tried with her right hand then the left nothing happened; we still could not get the top off the damn jar. A penguin walks into a bar and says to the barman, ‘has my brother been in today?’ the barman says ‘I don’t know, what does he look LIVErNEWS Issue 74 ~
like?’ I saw this dwarf climbing down the outside of a prison wall and I thought to myself ‘ that’s a little condescending. If you notice, 2019 backwards is 9102. If you take away the 0 and the 2 you’ll have 91. It doesn’t mean anything but thanks for reading. Just been into me local chippy and said “I’ll have a Jumbo sausage” the gadgie said “Won’t be long” aah said “ it bloody better be”... Anybody know what size Turkey I need to cook for 10 people and possibly two police ofcers? My wife turned off the TV last night and said ‘let’s talk’. I didn’t even know she no longer worked at Woolies! This year I won’t be doing the London Marathon because of the 35 ~ Spring 2021
