Aleathia Henderson Workbook by LivingWaterBooks

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Participant Workbook

ALEATHIA HENDERSON

CONTENT 03 WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

06 IMPACT OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

11 POWER AND CONTROL WHEEL

11 FORMS OF ABUSE

16 HISTORY OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN THE UNITED STATES

18 DO’S & DON’T

19 SAFETY PLAN

AUTHOR STORY Domestic violence is a serious problem that impacts people of all genders, ethnicities, and socio-economic statuses. It's Devastating! How do I know, growing up in a small town, I was involved in a domestic abuse relationship. Not realizing it at the time! I was so caught up in the honey moon stage, and didn't realize the physical, emotional, and mental abuse. Abuse as been around for many years it's not until I begin to obtain knowledge and realize I was in such traumatic situation. When brought me to who I am today, I am Aleathia Henderson, an advocate for Domestic Abuse.

SYNOPSIS

This domestic violence and abuse workbook is organized into seven sections that will help participants learn more about themselves as well as the impact of domestic violence. This workbook can help you keep you safe.

Participants Goals 1. Understand what domestic violence is 2. Understand history of the battered women’s movement 3. Understand the power and control wheel 4. Understand the forms of abuse 5. Understand the Do’s and Don’t 6. Understand how to safety escaped (safe planning)

What is Domestic Violence? Domestic violence means abuse committed against an adult or a minor This include(s) one or more of the following relationships: Spouse/former spouse Cohabitant/former cohabitant Dating relationship/former dating relationship Engagement relationship/ former engagement relationship Person with whom the respondent has had a child Abuse is to mistreat and cause bodily injury or placing another person in reasonable apprehension of imminent serious bodily injury to himself, herself, or another. (Penal Code Section 13700(a)) NOTE: Penal Code Section 16120 defines abuse as: Intentionally or recklessly cause or attempt to cause bodily injury Sexual assault To place a person in reasonable apprehension of imminent serious bodily injury to that person or another To molest, attack, strike, stalk, destroy personal property, or violate the terms of a domestic violence protective order issued under the Domestic Violence Prevention Act. (Commencing with Family Code Section 6300 et seq.

Examples: 1. A man who hit his girlfriend across the face and gave her a black eye committed abuse. 2. A woman was afraid to go into her apartment because her boyfriend, who had been drinking, slapped her and threatened to kill her. Cohabitant means two unrelated adults living together for a substantial period of time, resulting in some permanency of relationship (Penal Code Section 13700(b)). In the context of domestic violence, parties who are simply cotenants, not involved in intimate relationships, are not considered cohabitants. Factors that may be considered when determining whether individuals are cohabitating include, but are not limited to: Sexual relations between the parties while sharing the same living quarters Sharing income or expenses Joint use or ownership of property Whether the parties hold themselves out as spouses The continuity of the relationship The length of the relationship

Examples 1. A man and woman who bought their condo and began living together in the spring, even though they didn’t plan to get married until the fall, would be considered cohabitants. 2. An engaged couple who have lived in their apartment for three years, have shared all expenses, and plan to continue living together would be considered cohabitants. Domestic violence causes tremendous harm to victims and society. Each member in an abusive or violent household suffers physically and/or emotionally, and often violence is spread from one generation to the next. 04

Workbook Activities

What does domestic violence mean to you?

Can a child be a victim of domestic violence?

Domestic violence usually involves a pattern of increasingly frequent and severe assaulting and abusive behavior that is used against intimate partners; however, it can be isolated as a one-time occurrence. Its purpose is to control the victim and other members of the household. The pattern may include physical, sexual, and psychological attacks as well as economic coercion. The pattern is usually purposeful behavior and includes both criminal and noncriminal acts. The goal is to gain power and control. Domestic violence is not a private family matter; it is serious, often criminal conduct and should be treated as such. Listed below are tactics to gain power and control over intimate partners. These include: Using intimidation Using emotional abuse Using isolation Minimizing, denying, and blaming Using children sing male privilege Using economic abuse Using coercion and threats The following “Power and Control Wheel” was developed to describe these tactics. It was developed in Duluth, Minnesota, by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project and draws on the experiences of many victims of domestic violence. 06

Relationship/Staff Roles Treating her like a servant or a child, Making all the decisions Acting like the boss Deciding the roles in the relationship Not giving her any privacy Taking away, not fixing or breaking equipment Giving too much, too little or no medication

Force and Threats Making threats to hurt her or not give her something she needs Threatening to leave or kill her Making her break the law Punishing her to get her to do something

Bullying Making her afraid by mean looks, actions and movements Smashing thing Breaking her things, Hurting her pets Showing weapons

Emotional Abuse Putting her down Making her feel bad about herself Calling her names Making her think she’s crazy Playing mind games Making her feel ashamed Making her feel guilty Ignoring her

Isolation Tell her what she can do Who she can talk to What she can read and Where she can go Making her stay home Not letting her use the phone or TV Stopping her from doing what she wants to do

Minimizing, Denying and Blaming Saying that abuse is not that big a deal, Saying the abuse is her fault, Blaming her disability for the abuse

Using Children Telling her she is a bad mother, Talking bad about her in front of the kids, Using the children to give her messages, Threatening to take her kids away

Economic Abuse Stopping her from getting or keeping a job Making her ask for money Giving her only small amounts of money Taking her money Not letting her know about our use of money. 09

Notes:

Domestic violence causes tremendous harm to victims and society as a whole. Each member in an abusive or violent household suffers physically and/or emotionally, and often violence is spread from one generation to the next. In domestic violence, one person uses different types of abuse to gain power and control over the other person.

Examples:

Physical abuse includes Burning, cutting, slapping, punching, kicking, biting or choking him/her Keeping him/her from being able to move around Stabbing or shooting Withholding his/her food or medicine Giving him/her drugs Keeping the victim from sleeping Causing pain to other people or animals

Sexual abuse includes things like Rape and unwanted sexual contact Keeping their partner from using birth control Forcing their partner to end a pregnancy Taking advantage of a partner when they are on drugs, sleeping or unconscious Forcing their partner to have sex with other people 12

Emotional abuse includes things like Humiliating their partner in front of others Keeping track of what he/she is doing Accusing their partner of being unfaithful Keeping their partner from seeing friends or family Scaring him/her Threatening to hurt their partner or the people he/she cares about Threatening to harm him/herself when upset Saying things like, "If I can't have you, then no one can." Making decisions for their partner (like what to wear or eat)

Economic abuse includes things like Keeping the victim from going to work or school Disrupting childcare, transportation, or other arrangements to get in the way of their partner’s work Harassing their partner or doing things that affect him/her at work 13

Refusing to work Not including their partner in financial decisions or having access to the finances and information about finances Taking their partner’s money, making him/her ask for money, or not letting him/her put their name on accounts Demanding that their partner explain everything he/she buys Destroying their partner’s credit Becoming their partner’s payee

Psychological Isolation from friend and relatives Monitoring or blocking a person’s telephone calls Telling someone where she can and can’t go Making someone a prisoner in their own home 14

Activity: Take a moment to relax, close your eyes and imagine what life would be if there was not judgement. What would it feel like to be living in a world where no one judged you and no one toed you what you’re supposed to do? You could do and say anything and be anyone you wanted. Take a moment to express yourself:

HISTORY OF THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCCE MOVEMENT IN THE UNITED STATES For much of our history, wives, children and slaves were considered the property of male citizens. The male was held responsible for the public behavior of their wives, children and slaves. During the 1600's, husbands were not allowed to hit their wives on Sundays or after 8:00 p.m. This was done to protect the peace of the community; it was not done to protect the wives. During the late 1800's, there was nothing to stop a man from abusing his wife or children. It was the man’s duty to control their households and their property. This meant that they could use physical violence to discipline their family . The phrase “rule of thumb” came from a law that said that husbands could not hit their wives with sticks or boards thicker than their thumb.

Self- Check I am………

This class………

Since starting I have………

Had problems sleeping Feeling ok after this class

Brought up bad memories Made me nervous

Not feeling ok after this class

Had problems eating Gotten mad for no reason

Made me made Cried or felt sad Made me feel sad Felt sick to my stomach

What to DO When Someone Tells You About Domestic Violence If a victim tells you about a violent or abusive situation: Listen, Offer support, and Help them decide what their next step is Find out if the victim would prefer to talk to someone else Provide information about options and do not make choices for the victim Tell the victim about services Help them call services if they want Believe the victim and reassure them that it is not their fault Focus on facts, Keep your opinions to yourself Confidentiality: Victims should know that any information they give you is confidential, including their whereabouts, and that you will not pass on information without their permission (if there are exceptions to confidentiality, you should express those at the beginning). 17

Do’s and Don’t Listen carefully Find out what the victim wants and let them choose what they need from you Find out if the victim could prefer to talk to someone else Provide information about options and do not make choices for the victim Tell the victim about services Help them call services if they want Believe the victim and reassure them that it is not their fault Focus on facts, Keep your opinions to yourself Be clear about confidentiality Do not disclose any information that may put the victim at risk Be patient and respectful

Don’t Panic Assume the violence is not serious Talk too much Tell the victim what to do Guess at the information Expect too much Moan about how things are Offer more than you can deliver Act as a mediator or contact point with the perpetrator

There is no right or wrong way to plan for safety. Domestic violence programs can help individuals create plans for different situations. It helps to look at and evaluate a person’s safety plan on a regular basis since abusers often change their control tactics. 19

OPTIONS AVAILABLE FOR VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE There are several types of programs offered by domestic violence programs in most areas there is a hotline available. A domestic violence hotline is staffed 24hours, with staff available to provide a caller with support, solutions, and assistance with options. Even if you are unable to find your local hotline number you can call the national hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) to get connect to help locally.

List of Shelters by City Family Violence Prevention, Inc. and

The Haven of Northeast Arkansas

Batesville Rape Crisis Center (Dual)

P.O. Box 1062

P.O. Box 2943

Blytheville, AR 7231

Batesville, AR 72503

800-474-1064 (Hotline)

870-793-8111 (Hotline)

870-532-6669 (Office)

870-793-4011 (Office)

PhyllisMcclendon@att.net

fvp2943@gmail.com

www.thehavenofneainc.org

www.batesvillefamilyviolence.com

(Region 3)

(Region 2) Lonoke County Safe Haven

Taylor House for Men

P.O. Box 414

P.O. Box 2943

Cabot, AR 72023

Batesville, AR 72503

501-941-4357 (Hotline)

870-569-8024 (Hotline)

501-941-0899 (Office)

thetaylorhouse2015@gmail.com

cindy@lcsh.org

www.batesvillefamilyviolence.com

www.lcsh.org

(Region 2)

(Region 5)

Saline County Safe Haven, Inc.

Women's Crisis Center of S. Arkansas

P.O. Box 1100

P.O. Box 1149

Benton, AR 72018

Camden, AR 71701

501-315-7233 (Hotline & Office)

888-836-0325 (Hotline)

s.c.safehaven@sbcglobal.net

870-836-0375 (Office)

Facebook: salinecountysafehavenar

acadv6@sbcglobal.net

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Facebook:

Donations

womenscrisiscenterofsoutharkansas

(Region 4)

Rise House P.O. Box 2557 Conway, AR 72033 866-358-2265 (Hotline) 501-329-7405 (Office) breanne@risehousearkansas.org www.risehousearkansas.org/ (Region 1) Turning Point (Dual) 101 W. Main Suite 300 El Dorado, AR 71730 800-980-0929 (Hotline) 870-862-3672 (Office) turningpointvip@suddenlinkmail.com (Region 4)

Fort Smith Crisis Intervention Center 5603 S. 14th St Ft. Smith, AR 72901 800-359-0056 (Hotline) 479-782-1821 (Office) penni@fscic.org www.fscic.org (Region 1) Sanctuary P.O. Box 762 Harrison, AR 72601 870-741-2121 (Hotline) 870-204-5980 (Office) sanctuary1981@windstream.net http://sanctuaryar.com (Region 2)

Peace at Home Family Shelter P.O. Box 10946 Fayetteville, AR 72703 877-442-9811 (Hotline) 479-444-8310 (Office) tmills@peaceathomeshelter.com peaceathomeshelter.org (Region 1)

Margie's Haven House P.O. Box 954 Heber Springs, AR 72543 501-362-6757 (Hotline & Office) margieshavenhouse@gmail.com www.margieshavenhouse.org (Region 2)

Families in Transition P.O. Box 15 West Memphis, AR 72303 870-732-4077 (Hotline & Office) fitfamilies@comcast.net facebook.com/fitwm/ (Region 3)

Angels of Grace (Dual) 406 Pecan St. Helena, AR 72342 877-572-9530 (Hotline) 870-338-8447 (Office) ggonner0614@yahoo.com (Region 3)

Ouachita Family Center 202 S. Third St. Hot Springs, AR 71913 501-865-3939 (Hotline) 501-701-4253 (Office) nturner@occnet.org (Region 4) Family Crisis Center, Inc. P.O. Box 721 Jonesboro, AR 72403 870-933-9449 (Hotline) 870-972-9575 (Office) vgestring@neafamilycrisiscenter.org neafamilycrisiscenter.org (Region 3) Women and Children First P.O. Box 1954 Little Rock, AR 72203 800-332-4443 (Hotline) 501-376-3219 (Office) amcgraw@wcfarkansas.org www.wcfarkansas.org (Region 5) Compassion's Foundation P.O. Box 1734 Magnolia, AR 71754 870-235-1414 (Hotline) 870-235-1415 (Office) cflivingwater@yahoo.com (Region 4)

Options, Inc. (Dual) P.O. Box 554 Monticello, AR 71657 870-367-3488 (Hotline) 870-460-0684 (Office) options.inc1989@gmail.com facebook.com/OptionsStopTheAbuse (Region 5) The Safe Place P.O. Box 364 Morrilton, AR 72110 888-554-2501 (Hotline) 501-354-1884 (Office) thesafeplace@suddenlinkmail.com www.thesafeplacearkansas.com (Region 1) Serenity, Inc 1015 Hwy 62 W Mountain Home, AR 72653 870-424-7233 (Hotline) 870-424-7576 (Office) windy@serenityinc.org www.serenityinc.org (Region 2) Stone County Abuse Prevention, Inc. P.O. Box 689 Mountain View, AR 72560 800-924-5356 (Hotline) 870-269-9941 (Office) scap@mvtel.net www.stonecountyabuseprevention.com (Region 2)

White River Battered Women's Shelter P.O. Box 304 Newport, AR 72112 870-523-5000 (Hotline) 870-523-5403 (Office) wrbws@hotmail.com www.facebook.com/wrwsshelter (Region 3) CASA P.O. Box 6705 Pine Bluff, AR 71611 870-535-2955 (Hotline & Office) kap64@yahoo.com www.casawomensshelter.org (Region 5) Northwest Arkansas Women's Shelter (Dual) P.O. Box 1059 Rogers, AR 72757 800-775-9011 (Hotline) 479-246-0353 (Office) brandy@nwaws.org nwaws.org (Region 1) River Valley Shelter for Battered Women and Children P.O. Box 2066 Russellville, AR 72811 800-690-4219 (Hotline) 479-968-3110 (Office) rivervalleyshelter@gmail.com (Region 1) 24

Second Chance DV SA Shelter 734 Hamilton Ave. E Wynne, AR 72396 870-587-8044 (Hotline) 870-587-8043 (Office) hssecondchance@gmail.com (Region 3) White County Domestic Violence Prevention P.O. Box 1196 Searcy, AR 72145 501-278-4673 (Hotline) 501-278-5130 (Office) wcdvp@sbcglobal.net www.hopecottage.info (Region 3) Restoration of Hope P.O. Box 812 Stuttgart, AR 72160 866-884-4637 (Hotline) 870-672-4341 (Office) restofhope@centurytel.net (Region 5) Domestic Violence Prevention and Sexual Assault Services P.O. Box 712 Texarkana, AR 75504 903-793-4357 (Hotline) 903-794-4000 (Office) pam@dvptxk.org (Region 4)

List of Shelters by City Region 1 Rise House P.O. Box 2557 Conway, AR 72033 866-358-2265 (Hotline) 501-329-7405 (Office) breanne@risehousearkansas.org Peace at Home Family Shelter P.O. Box 10946 Fayetteville, AR 72703 877-442-9811 (Hotline) 479-444-8310 (Office) tmills@peaceathomeshelter.com Fort Smith Crisis Intervention Center 5603 S. 14th St Ft. Smith, AR 72901 800-359-0056 (Hotline) 479-782-1821 (Office) penni@fscic.org The Safe Place P.O. Box 364 Morrilton, AR 72110 888-554-2501 (Hotline) 501-354-1884 (Office) thesafeplace@suddenlinkmail.com

Northwest Arkansas Women's Shelter (Dual) P.O. Box 1059 Rogers, AR 72757 800-775-9011 (Hotline) 479-246-0353 (Office) brandy@nwaws.org River Valley Shelter for Battered Women and Children P.O. Box 2066 Russellville, AR 72811 800-690-4219 (Hotline) 479-968-3110 (Office) rivervalleyshelter@gmail.com

Region 2 Family Violence Prevention, Inc. and Batesville Rape Crisis Center (Dual) P.O. Box 2943 Batesville, AR 72503 870-793-8111 (Hotline) 800-894-8821 (Toll-Free) 870-793-4011 (Office) fvp2943@gmail.com Taylor House for Men P.O. Box 2943 Batesville, AR 72503 870-569-8024 (Hotline) thetaylorhouse2015@gmail.com

Sanctuary P.O. Box 762 Harrison, AR 72601 870-741-2121 (Hotline) 870-204-5980 (Office) sanctuary1981@windstream.net

Angels of Grace 406 Pecan St. Helena, AR 72342 877-572-9530 (Hotline) 870-338-8447 (Office) ggonner0614@yahoo.com

Margie's Haven House P.O. Box 954 Heber Springs, AR 72543 501-362-6757 (Hotline & Office) margieshavenhouse@gmail.com

Second Chance DV SA Shelter 734 Hamilton Ave. E Wynne, AR 72396 870-587-8044 (Hotline) 870-587-8043 (Office) hssecondchance@gmail.com

Serenity, Inc 1015 Hwy 62 W Mountain Home, AR 72653 870-424-7233 (Hotline) 870-424-7576 (Office) windy@serenityinc.org Stone County Abuse Prevention, Inc. P.O. Box 689 Mountain View, AR 72560 800-924-5356 (Hotline) 870-269-9941 (Office) scap@mvtel.net

Region 3 The Haven of Northeast Arkansas P.O. Box 1062 Blytheville, AR 7231 800-474-1064 (Hotline) 870-532-6669 (Office) phyllismcclendon@att.net 26

Family Crisis Center, Inc. P.O. Box 721 Jonesboro, AR 72403 870-933-9449 (Hotline) 870-972-9575 (Office) vgestring@neafamilycrisiscenter.org White River Battered Women's Shelter P.O. Box 304 Newport, AR 72112 870-523-5000 (Hotline) 870-523-5403 (Office) wrbws@hotmail.com White County Domestic Violence Prevention P.O. Box 1196 Searcy, AR 72145 501-278-4673 (Hotline) 501-278-5130 (Office) wcdvp@sbcglobal.net

Families in Transition P.O. Box 15 West Memphis, AR 72303 870-732-4077 (Hotline & Office) fitfamilies@comcast.net

Region 4 Women's Crisis Center of S. Arkansas P.O. Box 1149 Camden, AR 71701 888-836-0325 (Hotline) 870-836-0375 (Office) acadv6@sbcglobal.net Turning Point (Dual) 101 W. Main Suite 300 El Dorado, AR 71730 800-980-0929 (Hotline) 870-862-3672 (Office) turningpointvip@suddenlinkmail.com

Compassion's Foundation P.O. Box 1734 Magnolia, AR 71754 870-235-1414 (Hotline) 870-235-1415 (Office) cflivingwater@yahoo.com Domestic Violence Prevention and Sexual Assault Services P.O. Box 712 Texarkana, AR 75504 903-793-4357 (Hotline) 903-794-4000 (Office) pam@dvptxk.org aline County Safe Haven, Inc. S P.O. Box 1100 Benton, AR 72018 501-315-7233 (Hotline & Office) s.c.safehaven@sbcglobal.net