When We Die, by Kenneth J. Doka, PhD

when we die

About the Author Kenneth J. Doka, PhD (Poughkeepsie, NY) is a professor of counseling and a leading authority on issues involving death, dying, and grief. He has edited or written over thirty-five acclaimed books on death-related subjects, including Grief Is a Journey (Atria, 2016). Additionally, Dr. Doka was president and chair of the Association for Death Education and Counseling and was the chair of The International Work Group on Death, Dying, and Bereavement.

As a senior consultant and speaker for the Hospice Foundation of America, Dr. Doka gives approximately thirty lectures or keynote speeches a year to national and international audiences. He writes a blog called Good Mourning for Psychology Today, and his writing has appeared in O, The Oprah Magazine and OK! Dr. Doka has appeared on CNN and nationally syndicated radio programs A Touch of Grey and Real Simple. He has been awarded the Herman Feifel Award—considered to be the highest honor within thanatology— and the rarely presented Special Contributions to the Field Award from the Association for Death Education and Counseling.

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when we die Extraordinary Experiences at Life’s End

Kenneth J. Doka PhD Llewellyn Publications Woodbury, Minnesota

When We Die: Extraordinary Experiences at Life’s End © 2020 by Kenneth J. Doka, PhD. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever, including internet usage, without written permission from Llewellyn Publications, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

First Edition First Printing, 2020 Book design by Samantha Penn Cover design by Kevin R. Brown Llewellyn Publications is a registered trademark of Llewellyn Worldwide Ltd. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Names: Doka, Kenneth J., author.

Title: When we die : extraordinary experiences at life's end / Kenneth J. Doka.

Description: First edition. | Woodbury, Minnesota : Llewellyn Publications, [2020] | Includes bibliographical references and index. | Summary: “When We Die explores spiritual experiences related to death and dying, such as premonitions of death, near death experiences, and afterlife communication. The book includes examples of death coincidences, terminal lucidity, ghosts, reincarnation, and several other kinds of phenomena. It uses stories and research about unusual events that are related to the dying process to help readers come to their own understanding of what those experiences could mean in their lives”— Provided by publisher.

Identifiers: LCCN 2020029704 (print) | LCCN 2020029705 (ebook) | ISBN 9780738762937 (paperback) | ISBN 9780738763194 (ebook) Subjects: LCSH: Death—Psychological aspects. | Death—Religious aspects. | Near-death experiences. | Deathbed hallucinations.

Classification: LCC BF789.D4 D587 2020 (print) | LCC BF789.D4 (ebook) | DDC 133.9—dc23 LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020029704 LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020029705 Llewellyn Worldwide Ltd. does not participate in, endorse, or have any authority or responsibility concerning private business transactions between our authors and the public.

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Llewellyn Publications A Division of Llewellyn Worldwide Ltd. 2143 Wooddale Drive Woodbury, MN 55125-2989 www.llewellyn.com Printed in the United States of America

Other Books by Kenneth J. Doka, PhD Grief Is a Journey: Finding Your Path Through Loss Counseling Individuals with Life-Threatening Illness Grieving Beyond Gender: Understanding the Ways Men and Women Mourn (with Terry Martin)

Books Edited by Kenneth J. Doka, PhD Intimacy and Sexuality During Illness and Loss (with Amy Tucci) Aging America: Coping with Loss, Dying, and Death in Later Life (with Amy Tucci) Transforming Loss: Finding Potential for Growth (with Amy Tucci) When Grief Is Complicated (with Amy Tucci) Journeys with Grief: A Collection of Articles about Love, Loss, and Life Beyond KĂźbler-Ross: New Perspectives on Death, Dying, and Grief (with Amy Tucci) Disenfranchised Grief: New Directions, Challenges and Strategies for Practice

My Family My Friends and Neighbors My Colleagues Past and Present For Their Love and Fellowship For Their Constant Support and Encouragement For All the Memories Through So Many Years For These Truly Are Gifts—Forever

Contents

Acknowledgments … xi Introduction: Standing at the Edge of Forever … 1 Chapter 1: Premonitions of Death … 9 Chapter 2: Nearing Death Awareness … 31 Chapter 3: Near-Death Experiences … 53 Chapter 4: Coincidently—Death … 75 Chapter 5: Finding Before Losing: Terminal Lucidity … 93 Chapter 6: Those Extraordinary Experiences … 105 Chapter 7: Messages and Mediums … 127 Chapter 8: Ghosts and Apparitions … 143 Chapter 9: In My Last Life … 157 Chapter 10: We All Live at the Edge of Forever When We Die … 173 Conclusion … 185 Further Reading … 187 Bibliography … 189

Acknowledgments

First and foremost I have to thank my agent, Kathy Green, for her constant support. Without her belief in the project, it would never have come to fruition. And, of course, I need to acknowledge my editor at Llewellyn, Angela Wix, as well as Kat Sanborn. They, too, believed. And I thank Hanna Grimson for a masterful job at copyediting.

Five people also offered their advice, careful edits, and constant encouragement. Dr. Charles Corr has been my mentor and friend for almost forty years—over half my life. I often wonder if he ever realized he would be my foremost editor for all those years. I need, as well, to acknowledge his faithful wife, Donna, for her years of friendship and support. As I indicate in the introduction, Dr. Terri Daniel has been instrumental in this project. Not only did she elicit my initial interest, throughout the writing process she, too, offered edits, comments, and most importantly, a foreword. Larry Laterza is my oldest friend—literally from second grade. He not only strongly encouraged this book but also assisted with his comments and edits. And another of my oldest friends, Lynn Miller, through many years, encouraged me to nurture my interest in this field—sharing her remarkable experiences in her journey through life. xi

xii Acknowledgments

My many colleagues in the Association for Death and Counseling (ADEC) and the International Work Group on Death, Dying, and Bereavement (IWG) also provided constant support and friendship through so many years. At the risk of leaving off some critical names, I do want to especially acknowledge Thomas Attig, Leslie Balmer, Robert Bendiksen, John Birrell, Phil Carverhill, Betty Davies, Stephen Fleming, Chris Hall, Neil Heflin-Wells, Nancy Hogan, Terry and Gail Martin, Robert Neimeyer, Danai Papadatou, Colin Murray Parkes, Van Pine, Therese A. Rando, Henk Schut, Sherry Schachter, Kathleen Shears, Margaret Stroebe, and J. William Worden for all the stimulation and camaraderie contributed over so many years.

My college, now sadly closed, was a beacon of support throughout my years there. While there are so many colleagues I can recognize here, Marie Ribarich, Wendi Vescio, Joe Biscoglio, Diane Lewis, and Vera Mezzacuella do deserve special mention. As do three others: Claire Lavin, Dennis Ryan, and Lynda Shand. They all shared my interest in end-of-life. In fact, Dennis’s work on dreams is noted in the book. But all three contributed support, stimulation, and companionship throughout my decades at the college.

For almost thirty years, I have had the privilege of being a consultant to the Hospice Foundation of America (HFA). This has helped me professionally in so many ways. Each year, preparation for a new teleconference and accompanying book continues to make me stretch my professional knowledge. In addition, I have enjoyed the professional stimulation and personal friendships of so many wonderful people I have met there including the late Jack Gordon, Myra MacPherson, David Abrams, Lisa Veglahn, Norman Sherman, Lindsay Currin, and the rest of the HFA staff—past and present.

I have to give special thanks and mention to my often-collaborator and coeditor and always friend: HFA’s CEO, Amy Tucci.

Most importantly, I need to acknowledge all those in my personal life who are always a source of pride and joy. My son, Michael, and his wife, Angelina, my grandson, Kenny, and granddaughter, Lucy, make it all seem so worthwhile. I treasure them always.

I appreciate the gift of godchildren as well—William James Rainbolt, Austin Rainbolt, Scott Carlson, Christine Romano, and Keith Whitehead.

They and the other members of my intimate network of family and friends, including Kathy Dillon, my sister, Dorothy, and my late brother, Franky, and

Acknowledgments xiii

all of their families, as well as Ellie Andersen; Jim, Karen, and Greg Cassa; Lynn Miller; Kim Rainbolt; Lisa, Cody, and Ciarra Carlson; Tom and Lorraine Carlson; Ken and Elaine Gilmore; Chris and Mary Anderson; Linda, Russell, and Ryan Tellier; Liz Galindo; Peter Levins; and Diane, Evan, and Jesse Brohan all provide nurturing, encouragement, respite, friendship and, most importantly, laughter.

The internet has allowed contact with long-lost friends. To that technology, I owe renewed ties to Ed Hodges, Alice Hum, Kathy Nacey, Bruce and Lynne Prochnik, and Pawnee and Glenda Rowe—all of whom were important presences at different points in my life as I navigated childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood, and now not only offer warm reminiscence but continued friendships.

I also have gratitude for those pioneers who are cited throughout this book. Certainly, people like Bonnie Lindstrom, Kenneth Ring, Sam Parnia, Raymond Moody, Gregory Sushan, Patricia Kelley, Maggie Callanan, Bruce Greyson, and Carol Zaleski—to name just a few of the individuals cited in these pages—are intrepid pioneers. I thank all I have referenced for their work. Four, however, bear special mention as they have gifted me not only with their research and writings but with friendship. I have already noted that this book would not have been possible without Terri Daniel. Dr. Louis LaGrand, now deceased, has been a friend from the early days of ADEC, and his pioneering work on extraordinary experiences has been a great gift to the field. Dr. Allen Kellehear, another colleague and friend, contributes extensive research on near-death experiences. Finally, one of my mentors, Dr. Robert Kastenbaum, taught me to have an eclectic set of interests in the field—his wide range of interests, his original way of thinking, and his own foray into this area are an underlying impetus to this book. I salute you all!

Finally, I need to acknowledge all those people—family, colleagues, students, friends (even their children)—who in their own struggles with dying, death, and grief shared their extraordinary experiences at life’s edge. They taught me so much.

Introduction

Standing at the Edge of Forever

A young, bereaved mother sat down in my office. Her three-year-old daughter had died suddenly a few months earlier. The experience of the death was horrendous on so many levels. An autopsy could not pinpoint the cause of death.

Though she and her husband were fully exonerated, they—as well as neighbors and friends—were closely questioned.

She was in therapy not only to address her loss but a related issue—whether she and her husband should try to conceive another child. She never envisioned herself childless, yet she thought she could never bear another loss. As no one could guarantee that this could not happen again, she was reluctant to risk another pregnancy if it would only result in another child’s death.

Today, though, she was aglow. She recounted when she walked into her late daughter’s room that morning, she smelled the strong odor of a particular perfume. It was her daughter’s favorite scent. The perfume was deeply associated with a ritual between the mother and her daughter. Every time she put on that scent, her daughter would beg her mother to put some perfume on her. The daughter would then make everyone smell the aroma—basking in the compliments that she smelled so nice, just like Mommy.

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2 Introduction

At the funeral, Mom anointed her daughter with that perfume and then placed the bottle in her daughter’s casket prior to burial. Since the scent was so coupled with her daughter, she switched to a very different brand.

As my client recounted her experience, I, quite frankly, did not know how to respond. I was a new counselor, trained to associate hallucinatory experiences with mental illness. The study of grief was just seriously beginning in the early 1970s, and though I kept up with the literature, I had never encountered anything like this. Yet, she did not seem to have any other symptoms associated with any diagnosable illness. Moreover, when I recovered from my sense of shock and I asked her what it meant to her, she said it was her daughter telling her she was okay. Nowhere in our ensuing conversation did I sense any break with reality. In fact, she seemed noticeably relieved after that.

And while she would always grieve her daughter’s death, she soon resolved that she could risk a pregnancy. Some eighteen years later, I received an announcement of her son’s high school graduation with a note that he was now the first of three to go on to college.

So began an unexpected turn, nearly a half century ago, in an unplanned journey into thanatology—the study of dying and death. At the time I entered, it was a field that was just emerging—and one in which I had little interest.

My interest was in delinquency. I was studying both at a seminary where I was preparing for the Lutheran ministry and at St. Louis University for a doctoral degree in sociology. A requirement of the seminary was a CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) course. This was an experience offering clinical training and supervision in some form of institutional setting. I planned to do it at Spofford, a juvenile detention facility in the Bronx—now closed since 2011. It seemed a perfect melding of my interests. I was anxious to begin in June.

The last week in May, I received a letter from my prospective supervisor.

The contents were devastating. My supervisor had changed positions. Since he had left Spofford, the CPE program there had ceased. I had the option of either following him to his new position at East Midtown Protestant Chaplaincy—a hospital-based chaplaincy program—or being released from my obligation. Neither option was attractive. I had little interest in a hospitalbased experience, yet trying to find a more viable alternative in such a short time was not feasible.

Introduction 3

I reluctantly opted to follow—consoling myself with the thought that, at least, I would have an opportunity to work with adults, as my past experiences had been with children and adolescents. However, I soon learned I was now assigned to the pediatrics unit at Sloan-Kettering, New York’s premier cancer center. I would now not be working with delinquent children and adolescents but with dying kids.

My first venture surely made me wonder whether I made the best choice.

As I entered the ward, the children were in the entrance area as the playroom—the regular gathering place—was being painted. Many of the children had lost their hair to chemotherapy. Most of the kids were emaciated by the disease—looking like survivors of a famine. Some were bloated by chemotherapy and some had visible tumors. Others had lost legs or arms to bone cancers. All—whether in gurneys, wheel chairs, or ambulatory—were attached to IV bottles. I literally fought panic as I carefully reconsidered my options.

I stayed, and within days I began to look past the horrible effects of the disease to see children and parents coping with very difficult challenges. I watched terror and courage comingle. I held children as life ebbed and hugged parents as we comforted one another.

The experience changed my life. I was compelled to write about my experiences. Both my theology thesis and my sociology thesis dealt with dying children and their families. A field—thanatology—I previously never knew existed took over my career and became a major focus of my teaching, research, and writing for the next fifty years.

Beyond watching patients, parents, and staff cope with death, I began to hear of other experiences that patients and their families shared. As I made my rounds at Sloan, my young patients conveyed some unusual stories.

Tony, an eight-year-old boy with leukemia, told me that one night he dreamt of an angel. The angel told him that within a week, the angel would bring him home. I knew that Tony was about to be in an experimental treatment that would put him in isolation for a month. I tenderly reminded him that it might be a bit longer than a week. Tony simply smiled and said he was not going home to Delaware but to heaven. He gently passed away two days later, a day prior to the scheduled beginning of his experimental treatment.

4 Introduction

Ramona was a thirteen-year-old Hispanic adolescent with advanced osteogenic sarcoma, or bone cancer. For weeks she had been in a semi-comatose state. One morning she woke, clearly conscious. She asked to see her family— insistent that they come that day. Soon siblings, aunts, uncles, and cousins filled the hall. Rosa talked individually with each of them. She thanked all of them for their support. That night she slipped into a coma, never to reawaken.

While I saw these events or heard about such experiences, I did not put much thought into them. They were, to me, just unusual events—events that neither fit comfortably into my rather traditional religious beliefs nor my scientific framework.

I have learned over time that such experiences around the end-of-life are common. They occur in all cultures and throughout history. Even our earliest writings attest to them. The Bible—and holy books of all faiths—recounts such visions and visitations. For example, the New Testament Book of Revelation includes, among other visions, John’s extensive vision of heaven. It is not only present in the holy books of Western religions such as Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, but in Eastern religions as well. The Tibetan Book of the Dead and unwritten traditions of indigenous religions describe imagery that is highly reminiscent of what we now call near-death experiences.

In fact, some the earliest extant literature deals with end-of-life encounters and experiences. The Gilgamesh Epic, perhaps the earliest epic poem, relates a quest for eternal life that includes visions and visitations. The Egyptian Book of the Dead offers advice for navigating the afterlife—again recounting stories of near-death and after-death experiences. The very fact that these documents exist today is a sign of their importance and popularity. They were the best sellers of the time—extensively copied and deeply treasured.

Nor can I deny the importance they play in the lives—and grief reactions—of those who experience them. For the young bereaved mother who smelled the odor of the perfume she associated with her daughter, the experience gave her confidence to risk having another child.

These experiences can profoundly affect individuals who experience them.

For example, individuals who have had positive near-death experiences (and not all of them are) are likely to have much lower death anxiety. Randy, after having such an experience following a sudden heart attack, indicated that the experience had a paradoxical effect—he wanted to live and began taking bet-

Introduction 5

ter care of himself by losing weight, eating healthier, and exercising. Yet, at the same time, he was less afraid of death.

Moreover, individuals who have positive post-bereavement experiences generally have better outcomes as they grieve. Ivy was despondent after her brother, a police officer, died in the 9/11 terror attacks. She just could not grasp that her brother who rushed to assist, even though it was his day off, had died. It seemed so unnecessary. Over a year later, she heard her brother call out to her as she began to go to sleep. “It was necessary,” he said. Two days later, at a special precinct commemoration, a woman came to her with three young children. She recognized Ivy’s name tag at the reception following the ceremony. She asked if Ivy had a brother or husband that shared that same last name. Ivy explained that it was her brother. The woman then told Ivy that as they were evacuating, she and a few other women tried to dart back to retrieve some valuables they had left in the office. Her brother firmly but kindly told them they could not go back and needed to evacuate. She reminded Ivy that her brother had saved many lives that day. Ivy still grieves the loss of her brother, but she is comforted by the many lives he saved. As she says, she now agrees with her brother. It was necessary.

But as much as I acknowledged that dying and bereaved individuals encountered such experiences, I really did not pay much attention to them.

After all, the experiences were isolated and could very well be explained by other factors such as pain medication or simply a wish to believe such stories because they eased the pain of grief. Nor did I share my experiences with other clinicians or even my students. I worried that such accounts might sully my own reputation. Dr. Kübler-Ross, whose well-respected book, On Death and Dying, had generated much interest in hospice, end-of-life care, and thanatology had become less respected as a writer and clinician, and more regarded as a cult leader when she began speaking of the spirit guides or, as she called them, “spooks,” who regularly visited with her. It was a path I had little interest in traveling.

Other respected counselors tended to do the same. The effect was that while such afterlife occurrences are common, those who experience them often had to navigate them alone.

For me, this changed in 1982. At a conference of the Forum for Death Education and Counseling, a colleague, Bonnie Lindstrom, presented a

6 Introduction

well-documented paper describing what she defined as the “paranormal experiences” of bereaved individuals.1 Though this was a meeting of researchers, educators, and clinicians, the room was packed. After Bonnie’s presentation, a number of colleagues and I retired to the bar. We all recounted similar moments that we had either had personally or heard from our clients. All of us were productive academics—well published. Yet all of us admitted that as much as we were intrigued by the topic and even thought about such presentations and research, we worried that our colleagues would discount it.

Even so, it was not a major area of my interest. I would mention such experiences to my graduate students in courses focused on counseling dying and bereaved individuals. I never failed to be surprised at the interest the topic generated as students seemed anxious to share their personal and family stories of occurrences—often excited to finally have such events validated.

Then something happened that made me pay far more attention to the topic. I was invited to offer a keynote address at an Afterlife Conference. I was surprised by the invitation and at first was reluctant to accept. I knew that the conference was generally attended by academicians—many of whom had a profound interest and belief in such experiences—as well as by a number of grieving individuals, often grieving parents, looking for reassurance.

It is a conference where scholars and mediums conjuring spirits mix. I wondered if my approach would be welcomed. To my relief, it was!

I offered an address—“On the Edge of Forever: Examinations of Unusual Behavior at Life’s End.” In that presentation, I neither affirmed nor debunked.

I respectfully reviewed the types of phenomena noted—often throughout history and across cultures. I spoke about the ways that such experiences influenced grief. I noted that these experiences did not fit well with either my scientific orientation or my religious beliefs.

Yet I could not deny that individuals throughout history and in a wide— if not universal—range of cultures have had these experiences. I have witnessed them in my counseling as I spoke both with persons who were dying or bereaved.

1. Bonnie Lindstrom, “Exploring the Paranormal Experiences of the Bereaved.” Paper presented to the 5th Annual Conference of the Forum for Death Education and Counseling.

San Diego, CA. September 1982.

Introduction 7

And I could not deny my own experiences. So, for the first time, I publicly shared my own encounter.

Some years prior, a good friend died the day before his son’s (my godson’s) fourth birthday. As he lay dying, he asked me to promise to look out for his son. It was a promise I readily kept as the boy grew. We helped him with school projects and clothes. We sent him to sports camps and brought him along on family vacations.

On one vacation in the Bahamas, he was having the time of his life—snorkeling, swimming, and jet skiing. One night as I walked on the beach alone, I had an incredible experience. I can only describe it by saying that it felt like every cell in my body was being individually hugged. While it was amazingly joyful, there was a sense of sadness to it, as I felt my friend was both thanking me for fulfilling my promise and, now assured that the promise would be kept, was saying goodbye. I had experienced his presence before—though never that strongly. After that night, I would never experience it again.

I shared that moment in my presentation, as well as the existing research on such phenomena. My speech was warmly received by both scholars and individuals struggling with bereavement. Since that time, I have been invited to present a similar address in a national webinar sponsored by the Hospice Foundation of America—one that broke records for participation. I was also asked to present at a major Midwestern Hospice Conference as well as at an annual meeting of the Association for Death Education and Counseling.

Later, I recounted these experiences at a Survivors’ Retreat for New York State Police. This annual event includes family members who had a relative in the State Police who died in the line of duty. I spoke about the research surrounding extraordinary experiences that follow a death—encounters such as dreams, sensing the presence, or other events where someone senses contact with the deceased. The room was electrified as individuals shared their own individual accounts. This convinced me that the more you talk about this, the more people feel secure enough to “come out of the closet” to share their own experiences. I am now convinced that there is deep interest in a respectful approach that explores, in a fair-handed way, the range of paranormal experiences that may surround death and dying.

Since that time, there has been considerable interest and research or writing about such experiences. Generally, such writings explore one type

8 Introduction

of experience. Yet, while such experiences are common, they are often dismissed as hallucinatory at worst and wish fulfillment at best.

However, there is a hunger to hear about them. Readers seem to have an insatiable desire for books on this subject. Witness the best-selling success, for example, of Life after Life, Heaven is for Real, and The Boy Who Came Back from Heaven. These books are popular because they may reaffirm our own spiritual beliefs and offer hope that there is something beyond death.

It is also interesting that millennials seem to be drawn to stories, television shows, and movies of the “undead”—vampires and zombies—showing a fascination, in a different way, with the question of what occurs after death.

Even the record-breaking Game of Thrones has such elements—an army of the dead and a king who has been resurrected.

All speak to a profound human paradox, namely that while humans acknowledge that their bodies are mortal and possess the foreknowledge we will physically die, our minds cannot accept that there will come a time when we will no longer survive. Ernest Becker, in his book The Denial of Death, called it a paradox.2 We can summarize that paradox succinctly—we have the bodies of worms but the minds of angels.

I want you as reader to explore the range of events encountered at life’s end by both the dying and the bereaved. I ask readers to make their own decisions, as they examine the range of experiences—from premonitions to visitations—as to what such experiences mean. The next five chapters explore such unusual phenomena around the dying process while the remaining chapters investigate experiences after death or within the bereavement experience. I invite you to accompany me as we peer into the edge of forever— and wonder, perhaps, that when we die, another adventure awaits.

2. Ernest Becker, The Denial of Death (New York: The Free Press, 1973), n.p.

Chapter 1

Premonitions of Death

Mark Twain was born in 1835—the year that Halley’s Comet made its oncein-a-seventy-six-year appearance. Years later he predicted he would die when Halley’s Comet returned, adding that these two freakish occurrences—his death and the appearance of the comet—were destined to happen again. Just as the comet marked his birth, it would portent his death. He died in 1910 when Halley’s Comet was at its apex over the earth.

Dreams, Visions, Feelings: Sensing Impending Doom Did Mark Twain have a premonition of his death or was it simply a wry remark that coincidently became true? We may never know how deeply Twain himself believed in this claim. Yet, many families tell stories about how some uncle or aunt predicted, when they were still healthy and free of disease, that they would die at a certain time or in a particular way. In other cases, they may believe that their death or the death of another is foretold by some type of sign or omen—perhaps a dream or the appearance of an animal or a falling star.

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What of President Abraham Lincoln? Did Abraham Lincoln have a premonition of his own death? Ward Hill Lamon who was Lincoln’s law partner, close friend, and bodyguard made that claim. Soon after Lincoln’s assassination, Lamon recounted a dream of Lincoln where he awoke to sobs. In his dream, Lincoln followed the sounds to the East Room. There he found a covered corpse, surrounded by soldiers and weeping mourners. When Lincoln queried about who had died, he was told that the president had been felled by an assassin. Lincoln told Lamon that he was so troubled by the dream, he could no longer sleep that night—passing the time in restless and troubled agitation.

David Booth had a troubling dream. In a vivid repetitive nightmare, he saw a plane veer off the runway, flip over, and burst into flames. The dreams troubled him so much that he actually called the FAA. They listened respectfully to his account. Based on the plane’s description, the FAA believed he described either a DC–10 or a Boeing 727. Ten days after his nightmare, on May 25, 1979, American Airlines Flight 191 flipped over and exploded—killing all 273 on board. After the disaster, David’s dreams ceased. Though the FAA never considered him a suspect, he was interviewed extensively by the agency—now fascinated with both the specificity and accuracy of his premonition.3 There are a number of differing stories about Lindsay Wagner, the star of The Bionic Woman, who was scheduled to be on that flight. Many of these accounts note that as Lindsay Wagner sat waiting to board the plane, she began to feel increasingly ill. Deciding to reschedule her flight, she began to recover as soon as she left the airport.4 Premonitions or precognitions—forewarnings of future events without conscious reasons—have been recorded throughout human history. Even Aristotle commented on the predictive power of dreams—somewhat skeptically—in his On Divination in Sleep. In addition to the predictive power 3. Chris, “Crash Flight 191—The David Booth Prophecy,” Real Unexplained Mysteries, May 18, 2015, https://realunexplainedmysteries.com/crash-flight-191-the-david-booth -prophecy; Chris Carter, Science and Psychic Phenomena: The Fall of the House of Skeptics (Rochester, VT: Inner Tradition, 2012), n.p.

4. Chris, “Crash Flight 191—The David Booth Prophecy”; Ballard C. Campbell, Disasters, Accidents, and Crises in American History: A Reference Guide to the Nation’s Most Catastrophic Events (New York: Facts on File, 2008), 366.

Premonitions of Death 11

attributed to dreams, in various cultures animals or other natural signs may portend death. In some cultures, birds such as crows or ravens may foretell death. In other cases, drawing a card may predict death. For example, drawing the death card in a tarot deck may presage death—or some other ending such as the end of a relationship or a job. In poker, drawing the aces and eights of clubs and spades is considered the “dead man’s hand”—a hand that signifies impending doom. It was supposedly the hand Wild Bill Hickok held when he was shot in the back by Jack McCall. Ironically, Hickok himself had a premonition that Deadwood—where he was shot—would be his last camp.

How do we account for such premonitions? How seriously can we believe them? What are the implications and effects of such premonitions? Can they forewarn of disasters and deaths or are they random thoughts that take on meaning after such an event occurs? Or, in fact, do they become self-fulfilling prophecies that facilitate the death of someone who truly believes them?

Premonitions of Disaster Every major disaster is followed by accounts of premonitions of the event by victims, their families, survivors, and others. The sinking of the Titanic was one of the major marine disasters prior to World War I. Stories of coincidences (covered later in Chapter 4) and premonitions about the disaster still remain in our consciousness and lore even after over a century since the Titanic’s sinking—an event recounted in classic films such as A Night to Remember (1958) and the Oscar-winning Titanic (1997).

At the time, the Titanic, designed for transatlantic crossings, was considered a marvel of nautical design and engineering. Produced by White Star, the first- and second-class accommodations were luxurious—intended to be reminiscent of finer hotels. Yet even the third-class accommodations were superior to general practice. Rather than the open berth-dormitory style, the Titanic provided even these “steerage” passengers with small but comfortable private quarters. The Titanic was designed both for performance and speed. Yet, most importantly, with the construction of a series of watertight compartments, it was deemed “unsinkable.” A claim quickly belied when it sunk in hours after hitting an iceberg on its maiden voyage between Southampton and New York City—causing the death of over 1,500 people.

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Yet, evidently, not everyone accepted that the Titanic was unsinkable as there were numerous reports that individuals had premonitions of disaster.

In fact, one survivor, Esther Hart, reported that her mother, Eva Hart, spent every night onboard reading in a chair—fully clothed, waiting for what she believed was an inevitable disaster. To Eva Hart, the White Star advertisement that the ship was unsinkable was a challenge to God that would be inexorably answered.5 Some expressed forebodings and were reluctant to sail. Annie Ward, a personal maid to the Cardaza family, expressed her fears to her mother— believing that something would definitely happen. Her mother reminded her that she might very well lose her position and that she had made other transatlantic crosses. Annie told her mother this would be her last trip. It nearly was as both Annie and her mistress were among the survivors.6 Some traveled in spite of strong misgivings. Archibald Butt, a retired officer in the US Army and presidential advisor to President Taft, expressed his own uneasiness about the ship. Even prior to returning home to the US, he took time to set his affairs in order and revise his will. His friends attributed his feeling that something bad would happen to the unending stress of his position. Butt reassured his sister that if something happened, his affairs were fully in order.7 In some cases, it was others who had premonitions. The mother of David Hume, a violinist on the ship, pleaded with her son not to board. He laughed at her fears. He, along with many other of the ship’s musicians, perished in the disaster.8 Some simply did not go. George and Edith Vanderbilt cancelled at the last minute even as their luggage was on board. Instead, they directed a servant

5. Paul Amirault, “Premonitions, Paranormal, and Psychic Phenomena Involving the Titanic,” Paul Amirault, Wix, updated March 10, 2020, https://www.themanwhosentthesos.com /single-post/2017/05/01/Premonitions-Paranormal-and-Psychic-Phenomena -involving-the-Titanic.

6. Michael Tymn, Transcending the Titanic: Beyond Death’s Door (Guilford, UK: White Crow Books, 2012), 17–18.

7. Tymn, Transcending the Titanic, 18–19.

8. Tymn, Transcending the Titanic, 20.

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to board and attend to the luggage when they reached New York. They would see neither that servant nor their luggage again.

John Coffey and some other crew members disembarked prior to the voyage. While he expressed concerns about the ship, his reason may have more rational than supernatural. He did not return to the ship after reaching his home port of Queenstown.9 Among the many such stories of the Titanic, one stands out both for chilling supernatural motives as well as perhaps a more rational reason for the unease among some of the passengers. One survivor, Renee Harris, reported that on the deck of the Titanic she met a stranger. The stranger inquired as to whether she loved life. Naturally, she replied that she did. He then advised her to debark at the next port—prior to the transatlantic passage. He noted that he would be doing so. Renee assumed he did depart as she did not see him on board again. Yet they met on deck just as the Titanic missed colliding with another ship by less than six feet as it made its way out of port.10 A new, bulky ship and a crew unaccustomed to steering such a large vessel certainly portend the making of a disaster.

We need not look back a century. Soon after the terrorist attacks of 9/11, stories of premonitions began to emerge. For example, Bonnie McEneaney’s husband, Eamon, worked for Cantor Fitzgerald, a financial service firm, located on the 105 floor of the World Trade Center. On September 11, 2001, he had a bad case of vertigo. Though Bonnie urged him to stay home, Eamon dutifully went to work—never to return. Ironically, Bonnie reports that Eamon always thought he would die young—even saying he would never survive the millennium. When 2001 dawned, Bonnie reminded him of his prediction. He retorted that the millennium actually began in 2001. Bonnie recounted that as the year progressed his unease grew—even discussing possible escape routes should there be another bombing as there had been in 1993.11

9. T ymn, Transcending the Titanic, 17; “Mr John Coffey,” Encyclopedia Titanica, n.d., https:// www.encyclopedia-titanica.org/titanic-biography/john-coffey.html.

10. Amirault, “Premonitions, Paranormal, and Psychic Phenomena Involving the Titanic.”

11. Bonnie McEneaney, Messages: Signs, Visits, and Premonitions from Loved Ones Lost on 9/11 (New York: William Morrow, 2010), 1.

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Barrett Naylor, a Wall Street executive, was on a train to work the morning of February 26, 1993, when he suddenly reported an overpowering sensation that he should return home. A rational executive, he nonetheless decided to return home, avoiding the bombing of the World Trade Towers. Ironically, a similar sense of doom caused him to return home on 9/11, reaching home in time to watch the newscasts of the destruction of the terrorist attacks.

As I was writing this book, a trusted colleague shared another remarkable story of a premonition. The night before September 11, she dreamed that she was in an office on the top floor of a skyscraper with her whole family, including her parents, siblings, grandparents, and other family members.

The building was on fire.

Macabre, too, are the many covers of comics and graphic novels that show the destruction of one or both of the World Trade Center Towers— by bombing, fires, or even in some cases, a plane crashing. In retrospect, it was understandable that the Towers might very well be a target of a terrorist attack. The Towers were a marvel—a symbol of American technology. Moreover, they represented the global financial power the US projected around the world. And they had earlier endured one attack. The many illustrations of the Towers’ destructions demonstrate both the possibility of premonitions as well as the eerie coincidences that are also evident in disasters.12 And then there is the strange story of Logan Dryer.13 In September of 2012, five-year-old Logan Dryer started kindergarten at Sandy Hook Elementary School. All was well for the first two months as Logan seemed to 12. See Eamon McNiff and Harry Phillips, “Disaster Predictions: People Claim Premonitions of Sept. 11 Attacks, Japanese Tsunami,” ABC News, October 24, 2012, https://abcnews .go.com/US/sept-11-terrorist-attacks-japanese-tsunami-people-claim/story?id=17553825; Quantum Shot, “September 11 Premonitions,” Dark Roasted Blend: Weird and Wonderful Things, Ian Media Co., n.d., http://www.darkroastedblend.com/2007/09 /september-11-premonitions.html for strange images that seem to foretell 9/11.

13. Angela Moore, “Did Unknown Psychic Ability Save Logan Dryer from the Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting, or Just a Coincidence?” Psychic Review Online, January 4, 2013, https://www.psychicreviewonline.com/blog/in-the-news/did-unknown-psychic -ability-save-logan-dryer-from-the-sandy-hook-elementary-school-shooting-or-just-a -coincedence/; Sandra Clark, “Sandy Hook Mom Says Clairvoyant Son, 5, Refused to Go to School, Saving His Life,” Hollywood Life, Penske Business Media, WordPress, January 2, 2013, https://hollywoodlife.com/2013/01/02/sandy-hook-psychic-student-logan-dryer -refused-attend-school/.

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enjoy school. In November of that year, the boy’s attitude toward school inexplicably changed. He began to cry and have panic attacks, begging not to go to school and in school pleading to go home. Nothing amiss seemed to have happened either at school or at home to account for this new school-phobic reaction. Now becoming a daily ritual, his mom took him to a doctor who suggested that, at least for a while, Logan be homeschooled. The mother agreed but would still take Logan to school once a week to remain acclimated to his classmates and the school. When he left school, Logan inevitably felt sad and worried about his classmates. Then on December 14, two weeks after Logan left school, Adam Lanza, a twenty-year-old former student, entered the school and killed twenty-six people, including twenty children, before killing himself. Had Logan been in school, he might very well have died. His mother, Karen Dryer, insists that Logan’s psychic abilities saved him—abilities she believes were inherited from his late grandmother, Millie.

Personal Premonitions of Death Not all premonitions involve major disasters. Some of them are quite personal. My father, in the final months of his life, had a premonition of his own death. He knew he was dying and he fully understood what it meant to be under hospice care. We had just had Thanksgiving together. The hospice nurse was confident he was stable and would likely live perhaps two or three more months. She promised him that he would enjoy his last Christmas. Outwardly he was confident. Yet he died right after the Thanksgiving weekend.

About a week later, we received packages from a department store charged to his account. Inside were wrapped gifts to all his family members—thoughtfully selected. That in itself was unusual. It had been my father’s custom to give each of his children a check to buy gifts for their respective families, wrap them, and sign his and our mother’s name. He hated to shop and, as he said, wasn’t particularly good at it.

At first, we wondered if it was some sort of scam. However, on the very face of it, that did not seem likely. After all, the gifts were both carefully selected and highly personal.

However, I did call to see if the store remembered the order. The supervisor remembered it well. One of the temporary help had recorded the order

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and was so touched, even disturbed, by the call. She recounted that an older man called one evening and carefully discussed a series of gifts. He noted that he would die in the next two days and wished to assure that everything was in stock and would arrive in time. The call had been made on Saturday. He died in his sleep on Monday night, telling us that day that he sensed death.

It brought to mind another premonition—this one of a neighbor. Tom, too, had seemed to have stabilized as he was dying of cancer. Tom was a crusty old man who owned an excavation company. He was known for a lot of things— the quality of his work, his integrity as a businessman, and most famously, his bluntness. When his daughter called one day to tell him that she would stop by on Wednesday, he told her it would be too late. He would die on Tuesday.

While not quite believing him, she did visit that day. He died soon after.

These premonitions, in the midst of a terminal illness, may not seem so surprising. In both cases, only the timing of the death, not the cause, was unexpected. In addition, most people read their bodies well. We can detect small changes in vigor or subtle signs of decline that may not yet be detected by instruments or others—even trained medical personnel. Yet some premonitions are not so easily explained.

Dr. Martin Rothstein, for example, shared a perplexing case of his in a journal.14 His thirty-eight-year-old patient was admitted to the hospital with uncontrolled diabetes and bronchitis. This was hardly unusual. The woman often did not adhere to a suggested regimen and was a heavy smoker. As a result, she was generally hospitalized two to three times a year, usually released after a week of treatment. However, in her last hospitalization, she told Dr. Rothstein she did not expect to leave the hospital alive. Dr. Rothstein reassured her—reminding her of her many past visits and promising this visit would have a similar outcome.

In fact, that seemed the case. Within a week she was asymptomatic, her diabetes under control, and a chest X-ray was normal. The morning she was to be discharged, the orderly bringing her breakfast discovered that she had died overnight. Dr. Rothstein was so confused by the death that he refused to sign a death certificate pending an autopsy. Yet the pathologist could not 14. M. Rothstein, “A Patient’s Premonition,” Cortlandt Forum 13, no. 7 (2000): 88.

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explain the cause of death, even with an intensive autopsy that included macroscopic and microscopic examinations of every system and organ, as well as a complete toxicology panel. In fact, the autopsy was so thorough that even though the cause of death was listed as “unknown,” the state department of health still accepted it. Rothstein confessed that even thirty years after the event, it still perplexes him.15 A client shared with me her husband’s apparent premonition of his death.

He had promised his young son that he would take him to a long-awaited Star Wars movie on Sunday afternoon. He claimed that he had dreamt Saturday that he would face some sort of danger at the theater. However, he was reluctant to disappoint his child. By breakfast they were joking about the dream and recounting some possible “dangers”—being run over by excited preteens or the costs of soda and popcorn. As father and son left, his wife told them to have a good time and that the movie might relieve some of the stress he was experiencing at work. He even quipped that was what Mary Lincoln said to Abe as they departed to the Ford’s Theatre on that fateful night. When he returned, he complained of a mild headache that he attributed to both the noise of the movie as well as bumping his head when he slipped in a stall in the bathroom. Later that night, his wife insisted that they go to the emergency room as she became worried that the headache was severe, and he was experiencing nausea. In the emergency room, he slipped into a coma, dying a few days later.

Another colleague recounted a story of her own son. Beginning at age four, he always used to tell her that he came from Jupiter and would go back there someday. He told his mother that he had a whole other family there and another life, and that soon he’d be going back. When she would ask, “When are you going?” He would say, “In a few years.” She would inquire, “Can I go with you?” And he would very firmly say, “No.” At age seven, her son began to show problematic symptoms, and was diagnosed at age ten with a rare metabolic disorder—given five to ten years to live. He went “back to Jupiter” at sixteen.

Jodie also predicted her own death. Hospitalized for a ruptured appendix, she all of a sudden asked why the room was full of angels. The parents, 15. Rothstein, “A Patient’s Premonition,” 88.

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anxious by the conversation, began to talk about the new bike that awaited her when she returned home. Yet she could only speak about the beautiful angels. She died with a deep look of joy on her face.

In some cases, dreams may forecast death either of the dreamer or someone close to the individual who dies. Jose, for example, was a seventy-sixyear-old man who had varied chronic conditions. In early December, he had repetitive dreams of his late wife Carman. She told him that they would spend Christmas together in heaven. Jose joked about the dream but then had a diabetic crisis, dying on December 20.

Kevin was very close to his aging mother who seemed in very good health considering that she was in her mid-eighties. One night, he had a dream that she had died. He rushed over to check on her. He never shared the reason for the visit, but they had a lovely breakfast together. She died two days later from a massive stroke.

Some premonitions may have mixed outcomes. Sundara Fawn, a selfdescribed mystic, recounts a story of a woman who was married to a man desperately needing a liver transplant. One night at about 3:00 a.m., she woke to the sound of a car crashing. Her husband had not heard the sound but wakened in response to her movement. There was no sign of a crash as they stepped outside. Nor did a drive around the area uncover such an accident.

The next morning though, the husband received a call that a compatible liver was available. The woman wondered if the donor had died in the car crash she mysteriously heard.16

The Power of Omens Sometimes premonitions are the result of varied omens or signs that are said to predict death. Perhaps one of the most famous cases of omens involves Herod Agrippa—the grandson of Herod the Great and a subject king of Rome—an event recorded both in the New Testament’s Acts of the Apostles and by the Jewish historian, Josephus. The Roman emperor Claudius had given Herod dominion over Judea, Samaria, and other areas similar to the territory ruled by his grandfather. Herod, though mostly raised in Rome, returned to rule as a zealous and observant Jew. He faithfully followed Jew16. Fawn, “Premonitions About Death and Dying,” Angel Messenger, Wordpress, July 4, 2013, http://www.angelmessenger.net/premonitions-about-death-and-dying/comment-page-1/.

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ish law and is recorded in the Acts of the Apostles as persecuting adherents of the new Christian faith. Though he was a childhood friend of the Roman Emperor Claudius, Herod seemed to arouse Claudius’s suspicions of Herod’s intentions when he began fortifying Jerusalem. Claudius then forbade him from reinforcing Jerusalem’s fortifications and expressed displeasure at Herod’s sting of the neighboring rulers of Tyre and Sidon. Nonetheless, as Herod was in Caesarea hosting games in Claudius’s honor, the Jewish historian, Josephus records the following event: Now when Agrippa had reigned three years over all Judea he came to the city of Caesarea … [for a] festival a great number were gathered together of the principal persons of dignity of his province. On the second day of the spectacles he put on a garment made wholly of silver … illuminated by the reflection of the sun’s rays, shone out in a wonderful manner, and was so resplendent as to spread awe … Presently his flatterers cried out, one from one place, and another from another, (though not for his good) that he was a god … king neither rebuked them nor rejected their impious flattery. But he shortly afterward looked up and saw an owl and immediately understood that this bird was the messenger of ill tidings. A severe pain arose in his belly, striking with a most violent intensity. He … said, “I, whom you call a god, am commanded presently to depart this life.” 17 Acts 12 offers a similar account: Now Herod was angry with the people of Tyre and Sidon; and they came to him in a body, and having persuaded Blastus, the king’s chamberlain, they asked for peace, because their country depended on the king’s country for food. On the appointed day Herod put on his royal robes, took his seat upon the throne and made an oration to them. And the people shouted, “The voice of a god, and not of man!” Immediately an angel of the Lord smote 17. Flavius Josephus, Jewish Antiquities, 19.343–350.

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him, because he did not give God the glory; and he was eaten by worms and died.18 To Herod, the owl in daytime was an omen of doom. He had earlier seen such an omen when he was imprisoned by Tiberius. There the omen was announcing good fortune, but Herod understood that should he see it again, it would be a harbinger of death.

Uncharacteristic signs such as a nocturnal animals appearing in daylight are often viewed as omens in many cultures. In fact, animals appearing in uncharacteristic times or places or engaging in unusual behaviors are commonly seen as some sort of sign. But in the varied cultures of the world, portends of death can come in many forms. Animals remain a major omen of death—yet the animal harbinger of death can widely vary. Black cats, of course, often fall into the category—especially if they appear at the bed of an ill person or, in other cultures, cross a funeral procession. As you can guess by the name, the “deathwatch beetle,” a wood boring beetle, has been long associated as an omen of death—even figuring in the works of poets such as Keats and Linda Pastan, and literary giants like Edgar Allan Poe, David Thoreau, and Mark Twain. But a wide range of animals such as dogs howling by a window, black butterflies, crows, bees swarming in a dead tree, and even sharks following the wake of a boat, among others, have been associated with deaths.

Certain astronomical events such as solar eclipses or comets also share distinctions of being associated as bad omens—especially in times before such events were both understood and predicted. So are other natural phenomena such as the will-o’-the-wisp—a fluorescent light seen in swampy areas as plants decay. In some folklore, it was perceived as a ghost leading victims to danger or death. In some cultures, the deaths of cedar trees were seen as signs that someone in the house would die within a year. Even household events were believed to predict death. Such superstitions included a belief that a portrait falling off a wall could portend death.19 18. Acts 12:20–23 (RSV).

19. G eorgina F. Jackson. Shropshire Folk-lore: A Sheaf of Gleanings, ed. Charlotte Sophia Burne (London: Trubner & Co. 1885), 280; Daniel Lindsey Thomas and Lucy Blayney Thomas, Kentucky Superstitions (Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 1920), 225.

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Seeing certain people or spirits also can be bad omens. In many cultures, seeing your doppelganger or double is a sure sign of death. In other cultures, symbols of death include seeing shadows that appear headless or even shadows of headless animals. In other cultures, seeing a “woman in white” or an “old grey man” foretells doom. And of course, omens can also appear in dreams that are often seen as predicting death. In some cultures, certain dreams that include such symbols as white horses (often used in the past in funeral processions) or white swans are omens of impending death. Other dreams such as dreaming of Judgment Day are signs that death may be close.

This is but a sampling of the types of omens that in given cultures can be seen to forecast a death.20 Obviously not every omen necessarily leads to death. I once had an emergency call from a former client. He had come to counseling years prior as an adolescent when his mother died. He had a troubling call from his father, a healthy man in his sixties. The father called his son and daughter to say goodbye. The father, an immigrant from Italy, had encountered a terrible omen.

Where he resided, it was not unusual for some of the supplemental parts of the Sunday newspaper, such as the comics and arts sections, to be delivered on Saturday. When the older man retrieved his paper on his stoop, a crow, evidently hitting the brick wall, had died on the paper—the crow’s beak pointing toward tomorrow’s date. His father assumed that it was an omen that he would die on Sunday. My client brought his father in for counseling that same Saturday. Later, he and his sister stayed with his dad throughout what turned out to be a pleasant and uneventful weekend. Yet, even years later, he and his sister make a point not to leave their dad alone on that day, suspecting that their still-healthy father might yet harbor a belief that even if the year was not predictive, the date remains ominous.

Accounting for Premonitions In some cases, premonitions may be relatively easy to explain. For example, in cases of illness, our brains are constantly monitoring our bodies. Without even consciously realizing it, our brains may send unconscious signals 20. Roy Bainton, The Mammoth Book of Superstition: From Rabbits’ Feet to Friday the 13th (London: Robinson, 2016), n.p.; Daniel Lindsey Thomas and Lucy Blayney Thomas, Kentucky Superstitions (Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 1920), 160, 157.

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that the body is experiencing problems or even impending death. A small example may illustrate. One morning, a friend’s four-year-old daughter announced that she dreamt she had itchy ants in her hair. The family joked about it—suggesting the ants were having a picnic. However, her mother noticed that her daughter was constantly scratching her head. A quick bath and shampoo revealed head lice. Her daughter had never been to preschool, was unaware of head lice, and yet her dream indicated infestation. Somehow it seems that her mind found its own way to communicate.

That is not unusual. A Scandinavian study, for example, found that expectant mothers sensed prenatal difficulties, even the death of their baby, before it was medically detected.21 As the next chapter fully explores, many dying patients sense and communicate the nearness of death even if such communications use a more symbolic language. In many cases, the dying persons may not even be fully aware that they are so close to death.

In other cases, anticipating an event can trigger dreams and other reactions. A New York Times article reported the events of a tape discovered after the 9/11 attacks in which bin Laden, at a prior dinner, discusses with his associates the forthcoming attack. Bin Laden recounts dreams that have been shared with him about the planned events. In one dream, they were playing soccer against an American team. Yet all in the Al-Qaeda team were pilots. In fact, as everyone seeks to share their respective dreams, bin Laden becomes worried that the plot would be revealed if too many of these dreams were publicly shared.22 To bin Laden and his associates, the prevalence of these precognitive or premonition dreams show Allah’s blessing. Freud, though, would have a different interpretation. To Freud, the excitement and anxiety associated with the planned attack simply was evidenced in their respective unconscious minds—emerging then in their dreams. Dreams, then, or other

21. Kerstin Erlandsson, Helena Lindgren, Anna Davidsson-Bremborg, and Ingela Radistad, “Women’s Premonitions Prior to the Death of Their Baby in Utero and How They Deal with the Feeling that Their Baby May Be Unwell,” Acta Obstreticia et Gynecologica Scandinavica 91, no. 1 (2012): 28–33, https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1600-0412.2011.01209.x.

22. S arah Boxer, “Ideas & Trends: The Banality of Terror; Dreams of Holy War Over a Quiet Evening,” Week in Review, The New York Times, December 16, 2001, https://www.nytimes .com/2001/12/16/weekinreview/ideas-trends-the-banality-of-terror-dreams-of-holy-war -over-a-quiet-evening.html.

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forms of premonitions such as those around disasters such as the Titanic, are simply ways that we cope with anxiety and other forms of arousal.

Premonitions and precognitions do not meet scientific principles regarding causality. The scientific explanations of such events generally refer to probabilities, selective memories, and a propensity to believe in the paranormal.23 For example, the law of large numbers indicates any event, however improbable, will occur given the infinite things that do happen on a given day. People do win lotteries even though the odds of winning are astronomical. A million to one shot may, just playing the odds, happen close to three hundred times a day in America. Given the hundreds of thoughts and dreams each individual has, some of them will inevitably deal with issues of death or disaster. It is such a dream that will be recalled should some related event occur.

In addition, psychological explanations might emphasize that, as death remains a major cause of fear and anxiety, we daily entertain passing thoughts of our own death or that of others we love. Should such a death happen, we immediately remember that momentary fear—attributing it some predictive power.

Three times in my life, I had strong compelling premonitions that people I knew were in danger or had died. All of them came in my early twenties when I was away at college. The first involved a very vivid dream—one that woke me with my neighbor tragically calling out her son Sean’s name in such a way that I was sure he was dead or badly injured. I woke up immediately at the scream. The family lived next door. My sister and their daughter were close friends. Sean was about five years older than me. Because of the age difference, Sean and I had a friendly relationship but were not friends. I immediately called my parents the next morning. They had not heard of anything but would get back to me. Later they called me back—Sean was fine. And as far as I know, Sean still is!

The second incident took place a little later that year. Here, it was a feeling rather than a dream. I had this continued oppressive feeling that a family I knew well—I will call them the Lenahan’s—were in some kind of grave trouble.

23. James Houran and Rense Lange, “Modeling Precognitive Dreams as Meaningful Coincidences,” Psychological Reports 83, no 3 (1998): 1411–1414, https://doi.org /10.2466%2Fpr0.1998.83.3f.1411.

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This was a family with whom I was close. I was on a swim team with their sons. Their eldest son was one of my closest friends in high school. The Lenahan’s house was a second home to me. They treated me like a third son— even taking me camping with them. Even the younger brother, six years my junior, was like a kid brother to me.

While I tried to brush off the feeling, it became stronger throughout that day. By evening, it was intense. Though long-distance calls in those days were both expensive (especially for a college student) and involved having a burdensome number of coins, I decided to call. Mr. Lenahan picked up the phone. He was delighted I called and passed the phone to each member of the family so I could speak to everyone. Nothing at all seemed amiss, and he remarked to my parents how pleased they were that I called.

As I look at those incidents, they probably reflected my own anxiety at being away, far from home. I suppose that throughout my time at college, I worried about the people I knew and even what was happening in the neighborhood. That anxiety came out in those dreams and fears.

The third case, though, was different. It took place about a year later just as I started graduate school. In the past few summers, I had signed on as a volunteer in a Big Brothers-type program where college kids in my neighborhood of Astoria, New York, were asked to mentor kids at risk for delinquency.

We were asked to spend time with these kids and provide them guidance— essentially be a good role model. I was assigned a nine-year-old boy, who I will call Mark. Mark was not at risk for delinquency; he was already there.

Nonetheless, he was a lively, funny, and engaging child. I enjoyed spending time with him whenever I returned to New York for summer or vacations.

When I was away at school, our contact was limited to a few letters between Mark, his mom, and me.

One day, I had an overwhelming feeling that something was wrong.

Again, I tried to ignore the feeling until I felt an irresistible need to call.

When I reached his mother, she was in a panic; Mark had run away. I bought a plane ticket and searched for Mark with his older brother. We found him that weekend.

Perhaps, I simply played the odds. One out of three is hardly a pattern.

Yet even today, I marvel at the psychic connection I seemed to have with Mark that I cannot easily explain—or even explain at all.

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Years later, in 1987, I had long lost contact with Mark. I then began to have repetitive dreams of him. They were so intrusive and frequent that I mentioned them to Kathy, my significant other. She suggested that I search for him. I did but it was a fruitless effort. No one knew where he was or what had become of him. I abandoned the search, focusing on my planned move to a newly purchased home in the far suburbs of New York. On the Sunday before the Tuesday I would move, my doorbell rang. When I opened it, a now-adult Mark cheerfully greeted me—asking me to be godfather of his son. Mark would later be involved in other incidents that I will recount in subsequent chapters.

Here we see an example of what the psychiatrist, Carl Jung, called synchronicity. Jung was from an early age deeply fascinated by paranormal phenomena. Growing up in the Swiss countryside, he absorbed all sorts of legends of ghosts and unusual phenomena such as clocks stopping at the time of death. His maternal grandparents believed in ghosts and spirits, and his maternal grandmother claimed to be clairvoyant. Even as a young child, he recounted experiences such as seeing varied apparitions and, as an adult, both studied and consulted mediums. In fact, his insistence that the newly emerging discipline of psychology pay attention to such phenomena was one factor in his break with Freud.24 In order to understand Jung’s concept of synchronicity, it might be worthwhile to contrast his ideas with the work of the German sociologist Max Weber—one of the founding fathers of that discipline. Weber, in trying to establish the scientific basis of sociology, asserted that in order to demonstrate causality, one needed to show both adequate causality and meaningful causality.25 Adequate causality means that one first establishes a statistical correlation so secure that it is unlikely to occur by chance. In other words, once you see A, you are likely to see B. Secondly, there is an order of primacy.

First A is present, then B. However, adequate causality is not alone sufficient.

The scientific standard for a probable relationship is generally 95 percent or

24. Roderick Main, ed., Jung on Synchronicity and the Paranormal (Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 1998), 2–5.

25. Raymond Aron, Main Currents in Sociological Thought, vol 2, Durkheim, Pareto, Weber (Garden City, NY: Anchor, 1970), 234–5.

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in a one in twenty chance that this correlation is unlikely to occur by chance alone.

However, one can play chance. Even in Vegas, the house sometimes gets beat. Statistically, if you feed computers a great deal of data, you could expect, just by chance, to find strange correlations such as, for example, statistical relationships between iceberg sightings in the North Sea and births in Chicago. Or perhaps a correlation—again just by chance—of hat size and college grades.

This is where Weber’s concept of meaningful causality becomes important. To show causality, the results have to be explainable—the connections need to make sense. How, for example, would the number of icebergs in the North Sea affect birth rates? In addition, alternative explanations have to be confronted as well and logically excluded.

Jung’s concept of synchronicity, while never really fully developed in his work, stresses meaningful connection. Jung’s concept is different. To Jung, certain events had an a-causal connection. Yet, while one could not establish what Weber would label adequate causality,26 Jung felt that they had a meaningful connection. Jung observed three different types of synchronicity. The first was where a psychic event (a dream, thought, or vision) occurs just as an actual incident happens. For example, he recounts a case where a patient begins to relate a dream of a certain form of beetle just as the beetle appears in the office. A second form is where the person recounts a psychic event and the actual event occurs at the same time but at a distance. In the third case, the psychic event predicts a subsequent physical occurrence.27 Dr. Larry Dossey, an advisor to the National Institute of Health, recounts such an incident. Here a young mother wakes from a hellish nightmare. In her dream, there is a terrible storm—so severe it dislodges a large light fixture that falls on her infant’s bed, crushing the child. In that horrific vision, she notices the clock reads 4:35 a.m. Awakened, she sees the weather is fine as is her child but, frightened, she takes the sleeping child into bed. Later she is awakened

26. Though Jung did believe that some of the research on ESP (Extra-Sensory Perception) and psychokinesis did meet that criteria.

27. Main, ed., Jung on Synchronicity and the Paranormal, n.p.

Premonitions of Death 27

by a loud crash. Now a storm is raging. She rushes to her child’s bedroom; the fixture has crashed on the now empty bed. It is 4:35 a.m.28 For Jung, underlying the notion of synchronicity was his belief that each individual’s consciousness was connected to a collective unconscious. That collective unconscious was a flowing stream—both timeless and space-less.

There is another factor. We interpret the past from the present. That means that as we continue to have varied experiences, we often view our past differently—highlighting incidences or experiences we once overlooked or interpreted differently. Sue Klebold is the mother of Dylan Klebold—one of the perpetrators of the Columbine shootings. In her own book, she recalls feeling a sense of dread as she held her child rather than the normal sense of joy. She recalled that she believed something was wrong—and had a premonition that her son would bring her sorrow. She was relieved when, a few weeks later, she rushed him to the hospital. She discovered that he had developed pyloric stenosis—a rare condition in infants that blocks food from entering the child’s small intestine. Untreated, it can be fatal. Naturally, she attributed her premonition to that—remembering and reinterpreting it differently after the Columbine shootings.29

Implications Whatever the explanation, such premonitions have to be taken seriously.

First, as noted earlier, both our bodies and minds are capable of picking up signals that as yet may be undetectable by any instrumentation. Remember the study that indicated that pregnant women often had precognitions— often unfortunately later validated—that indicated the child they were carrying was unwell.30 In addition, there is the danger that such predictions can be self-fulfilling.

An individual who believes he or she is about to die can undergo such stress that death actually occurs from a stress-related event such as a heart attack or stroke.

28. Adam Hunter, “The Science of Premonitions,” Guideposts, July 29, 2014, https://www .guideposts.org/inspiration/miracles/the-science-of-premonitions.

29. S ue Klebold, A Mother’s Reckoning: Living in the Aftermath of Tragedy (New York: Crown Publishing, 2016), 55–56.

30. Erlandsson, et al., “Women’s Premonitions Prior to the Death of Their Baby,” 28–33.

28 Chapter 1

Years ago, a sensitive surgeon requested my help in a consult. A HaitianAmerican woman was scheduled for minor surgery to remove a small cyst from her ovary. The surgeon was concerned because the woman, who held a syncretistic belief that combined Roman Catholicism and voodoo, believed that she had been cursed and would die in surgery. The surgeon reminded me that “no surgery is really minor” and she was fearful that if she indeed operated on her patient in that state the patient might very well die. As I spoke with the woman, she indicated that the only way to remove the curse would be the intervention of a voodoo priestess. The priestess did come in prior to surgery—both engaging in rituals that removed the curse and blessed the surgeon’s hands. The surgery was uneventful.

The physician’s caution was well-founded. A study of surgeons found that over 95 percent reported patient’s premonitions of death prior to surgery.

Half of these physicians believed that patients who had such premonitions did have, in fact, higher mortality rates. In addition, 57 percent agreed that a patient’s will to live influenced survival.31 Health professionals need to realize they ignore these premonitions and precognitions at the patient’s peril.

Counselors also need such awareness. Individuals who believe that their dreams or premonitions foretold the death of someone else may incur guilt that they did nothing to warn or ward off such danger. They may become anxious when experiencing these premonitions, fearful of a future event. In some cases, they may actually set the stage for future disaster. I had one client who lived in a beach community. Before her child was born, she had a terrible dream that the boy would drown before he turned twelve years old.

The result was that she became highly overprotective of the child—limiting his swimming to a small three-foot-high backyard pool and always with her strict supervision. As the child got older, he bristled against these restrictions, even defying his mother and joining his preteen friends at the local beach.

She realized that she could not continue to control her son. With counseling, she began to understand that her anxieties set the stage for the drowning she hoped to prevent. She now had a rebellious young adolescent, determined to 31. Maurizio A. Miglietta, Gabriel I. O. Toma, Salvatore Docimo, Robert Neely, Anastasia Bakoulis, and Erica Kreismann, “Premonition of Death in Trauma: A Survey of Healthcare Providers,” American Surgeon 75, no. 12 (December 2009): 1220–1226, https:// pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19999916/.

Premonitions of Death  29

be with his friends, but a far weaker swimmer than his peers who had grown up at the beach. As she continued counseling (and enabled swim lessons for her son), she was able to control her anxieties. Her son, in his late teens, like many of his peers, worked his way through college as a lifeguard. The point is that premonitions cannot be easily dismissed. They need to be taken seriously and explored by medical and mental health professionals.

Body, Mind & Spirit / Death & Dying / Unexplained Phenomena

Peer into the

Edge of Forever Stories and Ref lections on Extraordinar y End-of-Life Experiences

© Michael Gold, The Corporate Image

Premonitions of death, near-death experiences, and afterlife communication are common, but they can be difficult to talk about and understand. Dr. Kenneth Doka—a world-renowned expert on death, dying, and bereavement—explores hundreds of real-life examples as well as fascinating research on unusual phenomena related to the dying process. Sharing stories from his own practice as a counselor and minister, as well as stories from friends, colleagues, and clinicians, Dr. Doka helps you come to your own understanding of what these experiences mean. With in-depth examinations of death coincidences, terminal lucidity, reincarnation, and more, this book provides meaningful answers for anyone who has struggled with the grief of losing a loved one. With a deep sense of empathy and compassion, this book’s insights support you as you integrate these phenomena and cope with the profound emotions that accompany life’s final transition.

Kenneth J. Doka, PhD, has edited or written more than thirty-five books on death-related subjects, including Grief Is a Journey (Atria, 2016). He is a senior consultant for the Hospice Foundation of America and gives dozens of keynote speeches a year. Additionally, Dr. Doka was president of the Association for Death Education and Counseling and was the chair of the International Work Group on Death, Dying, and Bereavement. He was a professor of counseling at the College of New Rochelle and lives in Poughkeepsie, New York. Visit him online at www.DrKenDoka.com.

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