Women's Inc. Feb. 2013

Love

W W W . W O M E N S I N C . N E T

F E B R U A R Y

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WOMEN’S INC. is in the air

By Women, For Women, About Women of Central Arkansas

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WOMEN’S INC. Editor Lori Quinn Creative Director Stewart Cole Contributing Writers Rachel Parker Dickerson Angie Howard Dr. Patricia Knott Andrea Lennon Jill McCollum Susan O’Keefe Jennifer Stanley Chief Photographer Brandy Strain Contributing Photographers Sara Black Laura Derden Courtney Spradlin Gerald Washington Lindsey Faith Watson Retail Advertising Sales Manager Rhonda Overbey Advertising Coordinators Jackie Black Leah Brown Advertising Sales Sarah Allen Tara Mallett Jesica Talbert Betsey Willbanks Advertising Artists Jay Prince Kellie McAnulty Editorial Advisory Board Nicolle Fletcher Haley Crafton Fowler Beverly Freiley Mary Harlan Becky Harris Nancy Jackson Helen Lockhart Velda Lueders Candace Meeks Misty Morse Carol Patty Lori Ross Mary Margaret Satterfield Traci Kennedy Smith Katherine Thomason Stefanie Holt Vann Jessica Zimmerman Women’s Inc. is published by the Log Cabin Democrat.

Questions or Comments?

Call (501) 327-6621, e-mail: womensinc@womensinc.net or write to P.O. Box 969, Conway, AR, 72033 www.womensinc.net 4 WOMEN’S INC. / FEBRUARY 2013

Matters of the heart

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n our cover, Mark and Janet Dance, who recently celebrated 25 years of marriage, are the perfect couple to share some words of wisdom on marriage. They have managed to balance careers, children, pastoring a church and moving several times, all while keeping their marriage a priority. Mark and Janet have always tried to keep selfishness out of their relationship. Both feel that unselfish love is one of the keys to a happy marriage. Their faith and strength as a couple are truly an inspiration for all couples. Thanks Dance family for sharing your story.

For some children in Arkansas, waiting for an adoptive family, a forever family is key to their happiness. These children have been abandoned and betrayed. Please take some time to read the profiles of the four children on pages 10-11. Their forever home could be with one of our readers. A special thanks to Tess Fletcher and Kat Dull with our local CASA/CAA office for helping us coordinate this story. For more information and to learn about other children available for adoption visit the Arkansas Heart Gallery at https://dhs.arkansas.gov/dcfs/heartgallery/index.htm.

In Downtown this month, Gospel Concepts, Conway’s newest Christian book store opens with owners Steve and Tammie Fuller running the show.

With the closing of Conway’s Christian Book Outlet, the couple felt they could open a store to meet the needs of those in the community who would now be forced to go to Little Rock or further to get Christian books and teaching supplies. The store has a great selection of Bibles, books, music, toys, teaching materials, jewelry and much more.

Steve and Laura Simpson’s family recently reinvented their bonus room and turned it into a “hangout” room. Laura worked with local designer Bobbi Jo Gwatney to make this room “feminine and playful” for her two teenage daughters, Emily and Lacey. The room offers the girls a place to hang out with friends, watch TV and do homework. This room, wrapped with a big red bow on the doorway, was a surprise for Emily and Lacey at Christmas.

Check out the new look for our design column on pages 30-31. Our contributing designer, Helen Lockhart, will be following a room that is trending on houzz.com or other popular sites. She will show you how you can affordably get the same look, while using local businesses and some online stores.

Love this new layout and design concept! Thanks Helen!

Finally, our “events” and “in the news” include the HAVEN Christmas Coffee, activities at Bethlehem House, a raffle at Fletcher Smith’s and the results of our Red, Green, and Jeans fundraising efforts.

Until Next Month,

contents

features

columns

6 Cover Story

13 Spirituality Discovering what life is really all about

Mark and Janet Dance share the keys to a happy marriage, family and life

10 Feature

26

by Andrea Lennon

Finding a forever family

24 Music Begin 2013 on a good note

12 Shopping

by Preston Palmer

Jewelry

14 Downtown Tammie and Steve Fuller open Gospel Concepts

17 In the News 18 Food Go-to comfort foods

22 Tax Guide 26 Homes Simpson Bonus Room

32 Shopping Furniture and decor essentials

30 Design The designer look

by Helen Lockhart

34 Beauty Microcurrent: “The natural facelift”

by Angela Jackson

40 Life Can I find love?

by Fran Scroggins

41 Book Review “Gone Girl” by Gillian Flynn review by Susan O’Keefe

39 Feature Christmas comes early for Bethlehem House

42 Community HAVEN fundraiser set for March 7

events

36 HAVEN Christmas Coffee 38 Fletcher Smith’s Jewelers raffle benefitting

HAVEN WWW.WOMENSINC.NET 5

COVER STORY

An unselfish attitude

Mark and Janet Dance share the keys to a happy marriage, family and life

By Jennifer Stanley Photos by Brandy Strain Through 25 years of marriage, Mark and Janet Dance have learned the vital importance of the institution and now strive to pass that value to couples in their church and community. Parents to Holly, 19, and Brad, 16, the Dance family has been in Conway for 11 years. Mark, who serves as Pastor for Second Baptist Church, and Janet are both Texas natives who love living in a college town that is also “a town with vision, which I really like,” expresses Mark.

The couple met while attending college at Howard Payne University. “It is a small school where everyone knows everyone, so I don’t remember the first time we met,” says Mark. “I do,” chimes in Janet, laughing. “We were actually acquaintances for around six or seven months before we started dating.”

“Our first date, I do remember. We went to a movie and Taco Bell,” says Mark.

Five years into the marriage, the Dances had their first child, which inevitably changed the dynamic of their relationship. Janet taught school for four years prior to Holly’s birth, but they made the decision for her to remain home with their children. “We knew all along that I would stay home, and we based our finances on that. We didn’t put ourselves in car or house debt; we lived on Mark’s salary, and we bought extras while I was employed, like furniture,” shares Janet.

“That way we weren’t locked into me having to work once I got pregnant.”

When asked how having children changed their marriage, Janet responds, “You have to work to make the relationship strong sometimes. As a mom, I didn’t get to clock out at five, and I didn’t have a day off. With me not working, we didn’t have money to go on fancy dates, and we couldn’t afford babysitters, so we just made it happen. We swapped babysitting nights with friends, for example.” Living in Tennessee with family three states away, there were adopted 6 WOMEN’S INC. / FEBRUARY 2013

“grandparents” from the church family who were always willing to babysit the Dance children. “Dating has been so important in staying strong through preschoolers, school-age kids, and teenagers; Mark makes getting out of town together, just the two of us, a priority. When we first started out, that might be a $14 tent site, but we got away from the kids, the phone, the television. Just having that time — looking forward to it and planning it together — has been crucial.”

“For all 28 years together, we’ve never stopped dating. Though the only season we haven’t been through is the empty nest, the hardest season is when your children are preschoolers,” says Mark.

“Because of the demands on your time,” adds Janet.

“They need your attention, and you can’t carry on a conversation with them around.”

Says Mark, “So, as precious as they are, it is the most vulnerable time in a marriage. If not for breaking-up, necessarily, for erosion. We try to encourage young families to make time for each other.

A realistic goal for us was some type of date every week and some type of trip every quarter. Those were our goals, and we’ve pretty much kept to them. We like to be together. The marriage has grown because we’ve set aside the time for it to grow. Even though children can bring you together, they can also tear you apart by taking up too much time and attention that should be invested in the marriage. We’ve always believed and said the best thing we can do for our children is love each other, so that takes away some of the guilt when you leave them, and they want to go with you. But you are really doing them a favor when you build that marriage up in front of them,” says Mark.

Janet made a major change after 12 years as a stay-home parent. “I thought I would never work again because we do some ministry side-by-side, and I thought that was what I would do for the rest of my life. Nutrition was always a hobby for me; people were always asking me to help them lose weight, so I thought, ‘Maybe I will just make this a career,’” explains Janet. She returned to the University of Central Arkansas where she earned a Masters in Dietetics. She now works as a Registered Dietitian at the Student Health Center, providing nutrition counseling, primarily one-on-one, dealing with issues such as weight loss, diabetes and eating disorders. She also speaks at employee wellness events and student groups and teaches nutrition classes at the university.

The Dance’s own successful marriage has prompted Mark to desire a culture of marriage for Second Baptist Church. Part of that ongoing effort is the establishment of a couples mentoring program, where mentor couples are trained and paired with younger couples. There are currently around 24 couples involved in mentoring, which has proven a successful ministry during its three years of existence. In addition, the church hosts an annual Valentine’s banquet for Conway police officers and their spouses or dates.

The couple also mentors a small group of 20-something singles within their church.

As a minister, counseling plays a significant role in Mark’s job. When questioned about the most common counseling needs, Mark responds, “In the early years, they are broke, so money management is a need. If they have children, when the children get

“We try to encourage young families to make time for each other. A realistic goal for us was some type of date every week and some type of trip every quarter.”

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The Dances: Brad, Holly, Janet and Mark.

older, that is when they become busy. You become a taxi, and the home and schedule become kid-centric.

This is when many people will break up or have marital problems. Then, in the teenage years, there is a lot of blaming going on. They all start with B, the broke, the busy, and the blaming,” laughs Mark.

“Those are certainly the three areas where I have the most opportunity to counsel people.”

“When your teenagers are at a place where you can’t really influence them like you used to, there is a lot of second guessing in life about what we should have done or what we should do now, and that is when a lot of people push the panic button. Many relationships don’t get through the teenage years because they haven’t invested in the marriage, so they are vulnerable. Often couples are angry with the children and with each other, so they start blaming.”

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Adds Janet, “We would always come to an agreement before we talked to our children, which is so important. Also, we had an agreement that when one of us said no, it was no. So we’ve always been on the same team and had a unified plan, then you don’t blame the other person.”

Mark’s general solutions for these potential pitfalls include planning together, whether it involves parenting, finances or your relationship. “What I encourage people to do is to discuss and get out of the cycle of reaction. Plan when you are emotionally healthy and not when you’re angry. He also adds that another consistency in troubled marriages is selfishness. “You have to get to the root of selfishness; only God can change a selfish person to an unselfish person. This is something that is very difficult to diagnose; most people can’t look into a mirror and

say, ‘I see a selfish person,’ but the spouse sees it.”

Mark explains that one can allow God to change their selfishness, and, “once they’ve become unselfish, there is no problem they can’t solve. There is one particular scripture that encapsulates that well, and it is Philippians 2:3-4. I probably read this verse in every marriage situation, even though marriage isn’t directly mentioned in it, it deals with selfishness,” he says. The scripture reads: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

“I really think that is the kind of Christian love that takes a marriage from surviving to thriving and growing, so that is the secret, if there is one. Janet and I genuinely love each other, but we do it in a practical way. We really, consistently look out for each other’s interests. I am not saying we’ve always done that, but if you do that year after year, and good things happen, you continue to want to do it.

So there are two cycles: selfishness and unselfishness.

Usually when someone comes to my office, they are a step away from the lawyer. That is where I drive home most of what I say; if they offer unselfish love, their partner won’t be able to resist for long,” asserts Mark.

“When I see Mark doing things unselfishly, it motivates me to want to do something for him unselfishly. Part of that is understanding the other person’s needs, because we don’t have the same needs.

Also, there is so much truth to understanding each other’s love language. Some people respond to verbal affirmation, and others need physical affirmation,” says Janet. “Become an expert in your spouse’s needs and try to meet those. It is a time-proven strategy.

I will say something about Janet that I’ve said time and time again — she is the most unselfish person I’ve ever met. That is who she is,” adds Mark. “He is also very selfless, but Mark is also the most encouraging person I know. He is always verbally saying how proud he is of me or saying dinner is great.

Even when I was staying home and not earning a paycheck, he would come home and say, ‘The house looks great.’ He makes me feel appreciated and makes me feel good about myself,” says Janet.

As for their future plans, the Dances have a list of adventures, “and we aren’t waiting for retirement to do them,” laughs Mark. Janet is an avid backpacker, and they also go on overseas trips together. The selfdescribed fiscally conservative couple saves for their trips far in advance, saying part of the fun is in the planning and anticipation. In addition, Mark’s inaugural blog is located at www.markdance.net, and, fittingly, the first entry is about Janet. “It is a good snapshot of our marriage, and I entitled it ‘Abducted

By My Wife.’

“After a significantly intense ministry time and a particularly difficult funeral, I actually got into the truck after the graveside part of the service, and she texted me that I should get away for a couple of days and go hunting. That is a dream text,” laughs Mark.

“I really did need to unplug, and I had someone there looking out for me. Janet prepared everything, and for two or three days, I regrouped and caught my breath. She literally stole me away to help refocus me. That is a good picture of Janet’s heart.” That is also one of many reasons the Dance’s marriage has persevered for 25 years and will inevitably see that many more.

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F E AT U R E S T O R Y

Finding a forever family

For a child, there is nothing more important than having a parent to protect, love and care for them. Currently there are around 130 Arkansas children who have no family to give them the stability, safety and commitment they deserve. These are children who are living in foster care waiting for a family to love them.

These children have been abandoned, neglected and betrayed by those who were meant to love and protect them. Through no fault of their own these children are living in foster homes with no sense of stability and wondering what they did wrong. They desperately need someone to step forward and say, “I will love and care for you forever.”

These are just a few of the many children awaiting a forever family. If you have any interest in becoming an adoptive parent and sharing your love with a child, a great place to start is the Arkansas Heart Gallery. Here you can view profiles of children ready and waiting for an adoptive family, as well as get general information about the adoption process through the Department of Human Services.

Potential adoptive parents should be between 21 and 65 years of age, in good health and either single or be able to demonstrate a stable two-parent home. For more information call toll free 888-736-2820 or visit https://dhs.arkansas.gov/dcfs/ heartgallery/index.htm

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Nicholas

Destiny

Aryen, 11 years old

Destiny, 13 years old

Aryen is a beautiful little girl with big, gorgeous dark eyes! She is sweet and soft spoken, but also full of energy and life. Aryen cares about others’ well-being. Aryen loves to play outside, ride her bike and jump on the trampoline. She also enjoys drawing and coloring. Her favorite food is macaroni and cheese, and her favorite color is orange. Aryen takes pride in her appearance and likes to look nice.

Aryen enjoys going to school. Aryen needs a parent or parents that can provide her with a lot of love and structure.

We asked Destiny to tell us a little about herself and this is what she had to say: “I get along with a lot of people. I am really funny. I am shy at first but after an hour, I’m fine. I am really smart and have A’s and B’s in school. I am really tall and have dark blond hair. I have huge feet.

I don’t like green beans. I LOVE animals. I have one brother and 3 sisters. My favorite colors are red, blue and green. My favorite pattern is Zebra print. I wear glasses. I really want to get adopted! I love going to church and youth group. I love Jesus and bacon but

Daisy and Jacob Miracle

Jesus is better! I am very easy going. I like to do arts and crafts. I really want to be a part of a family.”

Destiny’s fun-loving personality really shines through in her words. Destiny would be a joyous addition to any family!

Miracle, 11 years old Miracle is a cute young girl with an old soul quality about her. She is friendly, tenacious and smart!

Miracle likes to play with dolls and has an excellent imagination. She is prissy and loves to do things that are girly, like pageants and playing dress up. Miracle

likes to read and is very into her books. She loves to scrap-book pictures. Miracle enjoys visiting the zoo, going to museums and attending concerts. She enjoys being active and on the go and would enjoy a family who is active. Miracle says she wants an African American family.

Daisy, 13 years old & Jacob, 11 years old Daisy is a quiet, helpful and beautiful girl. Her favorite class in school is PE and she likes to draw, and listen to all kinds of music. Daisy also likes to play checkers, the Wii, and loves food. Daisy enjoys being around other children and is good with babies and pets. One thing Daisy would like in a home is her own room. She is a big helper around the house,

and needs a family that can give her the security of a permanent, loving and stable family. Daisy is very attached to her brother Jacob and needs a placement that can accept both siblings. Jacob is a very talkative and inquisitive boy who can be very loving and helpful. He keeps his room neat, and likes to keep his things organized his way. He prefers to be to himself and to play independently. He enjoys trains and building things with his hands, and can be really good at figuring out puzzles. Jacob is doing well in school and this last school year he finished with straight A’s. Jacob needs a loving, structured and consistent environment to really thrive. Jacob is very attached to his sister Daisy and needs a placement that can accept both siblings.

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SHOPPING

Hearts on Fire 18K white gold ring w/diamonds and pear shape ruby, $2,000.

Available at Dayer Jewelers.

Kameleon sterling silver earrings, $42; jewel pop center stones, $34. Available at Grand on Oak.

Kameleon sterling silver heart pendant, $199; jewel pop center, $34. Available at Grand on Oak.

Mizuki blackened sterling silver star burst pendant w/1.0CT total weight in black diamonds on a sterling cable chain, $1,995.

Available at Fletcher Smith’s.

Pandora black cord, $20 w/ moments, $35-up. Available at Lefler’s.

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Kameleon sterling silver joining heart pendant, $65; jewel pop center, $39. Available at Grand on Oak.

Pandora red leather bracelet, $45; moments, $35-up. Available at Lefler’s.

Sara Blaine vintage lace sterling silver chain, $168; sterling silver gemstone pendent, $102. Available at Dayer Jewelers.

Sterling silver and CZ cross, $102.

Available at Dayer Jewelers.

Pandora silver bracelet, $65; moments, $30-up. Available at Lefler’s.

14K rose gold heart necklace w/diamonds on rose gold cable chain, $795. Available at Fletcher Smith’s.

SPIRITUALITY

Discovering what life is really all about

By Andrea Lennon Have you ever asked yourself the question, Who am I and what is my life really all about? I will admit that I have asked myself this question. This question usually surfaces during a time of change, such as a loss of a relationship, a change in my daily routine, or a time when God is challenging me to step out in faith. During these times, I find strength, reassurance, and answers in God’s Word.

The Bible says that I am chosen. For many years, I viewed my life as rejected; but God’s Word is clear. Believers in Jesus Christ are not rejected. We are chosen by God to be His image bearers. This means that we have the opportunity to tell others about Jesus in the way we live our lives. 1 Peter 2:9 states, “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God that you may declare the praises of him who brought you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” (New International Version--NIV) God sent Jesus into this world. Jesus died a cruel death.

In Jesus’ death, burial, and resurrection, a way was made for you and me---people who can easily feel rejected--- to understand the beauty of being chosen.

The Bible says that I am loved. Have you ever stopped to think about this amazing truth? The God who made the heavens and the earth and who spoke and everything came into being loves you!

One of my regular prayers is that I will never get fully comfortable with this truth. I love the tension that this truth brings into my life. I am loved by my Creator. Not only am I loved, I am fully known

by Him. This means that He sees my sins yet does not withhold Himself from me. He stands every day with open arms and invites me to give myself to Him. Certainly this type of love encourages me to deny my sinful ways and embrace His plan for my life. Colossians 3:12 states, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.”(NIV) The Bible says that I am valued. When times are tough, it is easy to fall into the trap of thinking that God has forsaken me or does not care about me. The truth according to the Bible is this, “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you, he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” (Deuteronomy 31:8--NIV) We often equate our feelings about our circumstances with our feelings about how much God values us. When things are good, God is good. Conversely, when things are bad, we wonder where God is in our lives. We combat this tendency by understanding that in easy times, as well as difficult times, God values us. As a result, we need to forsake fear and discouragement and embrace a heart that knows that God is with us.

The Bible says that I am created for a purpose.

Nothing excites me more than this truth. God has a plan for my life. Simple yet profound! “We are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (Ephesians 2:10--NIV) Before we were born, God had a plan for our lives. As we walk on this earth, we have the opportunity to embrace God’s plan. This means that we go where God tells us to go and we do what He tells us to do. As we live our lives with obedient hearts, we find purpose and meaning right in the middle of our day.

No matter the circumstances that cause you to ask the question, Who am I and what is my life really all about?, the answers remain the same. God’s Word provides truth. Truth provides hope. Hope provides direction. Today allow God’s Word to set the course for your life. As you do, you will find meaning and fulfillment in your relationship with the Lord. You will know who you are and what your life is really all about.

Andrea Lennon lives in Conway, Arkansas, with her husband, Jay, and sons, Jake and Andrew. Andrea ministers to the women of Arkansas through a speaking and writing ministry called True Vine Ministry. To learn more about this ministry, access Andrea’s website at www.andrealennon.net.

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DOWNTOWN

Tammie Fuller and her husband, Steve, (not pictured), own Gospel Concepts, a new Christian book store in Downtown Conway.

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Following God’s will Tammie and Steve Fuller open Gospel Concepts

By Rachel Parker Dickerson Photos by Brandy Strain Downtown Conway’s new Christian book store, Gospel Concepts, was two years in the making for husband-and-wife team Steve and Tammie Fuller.

Born and raised in Conway, the Fullers have been married for more than 20 years and have five children.

After a long career in the IT industry, Steve decided to go into ministry about five years ago, and that is when books became more important than ever.

Tammie said at the time, the now-recently closed Christian Book Outlet in Conway was their first stop for Steve’s pastoral needs.

“You can find certain books at the Christian Book Outlet, but he needed teaching books,” she said.

“We were having to go to Little Rock, and we were spending $200 or $300. We had been talking about starting some kind of business, and we thought Conway could stand to have another book store. We could do more church supply and balance out the Christian Book Outlet and serve the public and churches with things they did not have.”

Over the next two years, they tried different ideas — including an attempt to buy the Christian Book Outlet.

“We prayed about it. We actually ended up getWWW.WOMENSINC.NET 15

ting blessed. Everything fell in place. The area we were wanting opened up. I fell like it was God’s will, because it happened. We’re excited.”

Steve has served as pastor at Jones Chapel in Conway, Cherry Street Church in Pine Bluff and Morris Chapel in Cleveland, Ark. He is a presiding elder over six Methodist churches in the Pine Bluff area, Tammie said.

She said when Steve was beginning his ministry, he had trouble finding help, and so they want to focus on helping small churches and new ministers, as well as the public. She said Gospel Concepts will carry church supplies such as pastoral help books, choir and baptismal robes, a wide variety of Bibles and, of course, books.

“I’ve had a lot of youth pastors in their younger 20s that have come in, or people looking for a certain type of book. We try to get it and make sure we keep them in stock in the store.”

She pointed out while there are a lot of large churches in the central Arkansas area, there are still 16 WOMEN’S INC. / FEBRUARY 2013

plenty of small churches as well. She said they want to cater to small churches with limited funding in order to help them have more effective ministries.

“We want to stay in the ministry business. We don’t want to do greeting cards, clothing and home décor. I have had people ask, though, and I will special order it. I would rather special order that than (something needed immediately for a church service).”

The Fullers are already thinking about the future of their business, Tammie said.

“We are definitely wanting to expand and open another bookstore, but we don’t know when or where.

We grew up in Conway, and we’re looking forward to Toad Suck Daze. The people in downtown have been awesome as far as welcoming us. It’s been a really, really good experience. Kim (Williams of the Conway Downtown Partnership) and the Conway Chamber of Commerce have been awesome. I think God just put everything into motion for us. He took us to where he wanted us to be, and here we are.”

IN THE NEWS Conway’s Valentine Gala helps the homeless Plans are under way for an elegant evening of entertainment and enticing foods as well as great auction items.

The Valentine Gala and Auction to benefit Bethlehem House is coming up soon. Last year’s event was a sell-out, and this year will be better in every way.

Shelter Development Coordinator Jill Imboden says, “we will have more live and silent auction items. And this year’s auction promises to be very entertaining, with Craig O’Neill from Today’s THV serving as auctioneer.”

Homeless Shelter Executive Director Judi Lively says,” donating auction items is a great way for local businesses to show off the goods and services they offer.”

Currently, Bethlehem House supporters are approaching area businesses and corporations for sponsorships that come with tables for eight. Anyone interested in a table sponsorship can contact the administrative office at 501-205-0905.

The Valentine Gala is a great opportunity to enjoy a delicious meal and dessert catered by David and Patti Stobaugh, owners of local eatery favorites Stoby’s and pattiCakes.

The Gala and Auction will start at 6 p.m. on Friday, Feb. 1 at oneChurch.

The Church is located at 1073 Front St. in Conway, just across the street from the former Log Cabin Democrat building.

Tickets are $25 each and normally sell quickly. Get your tickets on sale now at Bethlehem House, 930 Faulkner St. Tickets may be purchased in advance using Paypal on the shelter’s website at www.bethlehemhouse.net.

Chase Race and Paws set for March 9 The Eighth Annual Chase Race and Paws will be held Saturday, March 9, at 8 a.m., starting and finishing at Simon Park, 805 Front Street, Conway.

The two-mile state championship race awards a $100 cash prize to any male or female who breaks the present course records. A complimentary 2014 entry form will be awarded to anyone who breaks an age group record. Each person who registers will receive a technical shirt again this year.

Online race registration is now open at www.chaserace.info. Entry forms are also available at The Sporty Runner, 1016 Van Ronkle St. in Conway, and at Conway Regional Health and Fitness Center, 700 Salem Rd.

Red, Green and Jeans Each year Women’s Inc. hosts a fundraiser to benefit Conway Regional Foundation and Dazzle Daze: Red, Green and Jeans. Participants wear red, green and jeans to work on the Friday of Dazzle Daze to promote Dazzle Daze in their work place and in the community, and each donates $5 to the cause. The Log Cabin matches the funds raised by the community. This year’s fundraising endeavor was able to bring in more than $4,000. The following businesses/teams participated in Red, Green and Jeans: Central Baptist College, Wooster Public Schools, AR Pediatrics of Conway, University of Central Arkansas Family and Consumer Sciences Department, McDowell Properties, Conway Area Chamber of Commerce, Summit Bank, Peds Plus, St. Joseph Catholic Schools, Women’s Inc. Editorial Board, Nabholz Construction*, Conway Regional Health System* and Centennial Bank* (*donates contributed $250 or more).

The team who raised the most money in 2013 was Conway Regional Health System. They will be presented with the Red, Green, and Jeans plaque.

Blackbird’s Spring Ballet Each year Blackbird’s dance director, Carrie Dicken, creates an original ballet production from beginning to end. This year’s show is “The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe,” based off the favorite classic story by C.S. Lewis. They will have two public performances: Saturday, Feb. 23 at 7 p.m. and Sunday, Feb. 24 at 2 p.m. In addition, they are hosting a Monday morning showing of the production for local schools. All performances will be held at UCA’s Reynolds Auditorium.

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FOOD

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GO-TO

T R O F M CO FOODS

By Chef Jill McCollum, CC Photos by Lindsey Faith-Watson It’s a cold, rainy winter day and you are soaked to the bone. Will this head cold ever go away? What to do, what to do ... stuff your face, of course! While the causes of misery might vary, one thing’s for sure — when life turns sour, most of us go for something sweet ... or savory ... or homemade! — treats that might be gentle on our stomach, bad for our teeth; treats that somehow, through the simple act of tasting them, instantly make us feel better. To qualify as a true comfort food it must have sentimental appeal, and it must be insanely delicious.

Feel good food is definitely comfort food. Some comforting recipes can summon memories of cozy days at home and meals with family. I have listed some home-style dishes that ooze comfort and smell like Grandma’s kitchen.

Here is a roundup of my personal favorite “cure-alls.”

• Buttermilk Pancakes • Biscuit and Sausage Gravy • Chicken Pot Pie • Slow Cooker Pot Roast • Creamy Soup • Mac and Cheese, Please!

• Beans and Cornbread • Beef Vegetable Soup • Meatloaf • Shepherd’s Pie • Cowboy Chili • Southern Fried Chicken • Loaded Mashed Potatoes • I say ice cream, you say ice cream ... we all say ice cream!

• Grandma’s Banana Pudding • Large Chocolate Cake with Chocolate Icing

Potato and Cheese Soup 2 cups potatoes 3 cups water 1 stick margarine ½ cup all purpose flour 2 cups chicken broth Carrots, onions, parsley, salt, pepper, Shredded cheddar cheese Cook potatoes in boiling water, add sliced carrots, onions, parsley, salt, pepper to taste. Boil until all is tender. Melt margarine, add flour add chicken broth and cook until thick and smooth.

Combine broth mixture with potato mixture; add cheese to desired flavor and color.

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Blueberry Buckle 2 cups all purpose flour 2 ½ teaspoons baking powder ¼ teaspoon salt ½ cup shortening ¾ cup sugar 1 egg ½ cup milk 2 cups fresh or frozen blueberries Topping ½ cup all purpose flour ½ cup sugar ½ teaspoon cinnamon ¼ cup butter Grease 9x12 pan. Combine flour, baking powder and salt and set aside.

In a medium bowl, combine shorting and sugar and beat until light and fluffy. Add egg. Alternately add milk and flour mixture until combined.

Spoon batter into pan and top with blueberries. Combine topping ingredients and sprinkle over top of blueberries. Bake at 350 degrees for 50-60 minutes or until golden.

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Bread Stix Slice 1 package of hot dog buns into 4 sections lengthwise; spread with melted butter; sprinkle with parsley. Place in oven at 325 degrees and cook until golden brown and dry until crisp. Makes 2 dozen.

Other variations: Sprinkle granulated garlic, poppy seeds or sesame seeds.

Chef Jill McCollum, CC is the Caterer and Food Service Director for Central Baptist College. Jill is the owner of Jill McCollum Catering in Conway. She can be reached at jmccollum@cbc.edu or (501) 730-4422

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TA X G U I D E

IRS offers tips for year-end giving Individuals and businesses making contributions to charity should keep in mind some key tax provisions that have taken effect in recent years, especially those affecting donations of clothing and household items and monetary donations.

Rules for Clothing and Household Items To be deductible, clothing and household items donated to charity generally must be in good used condition or better. A clothing or household item for which a taxpayer claims a deduction of more than $500 does not have to meet this standard if the taxpayer includes a qualified appraisal of the item with the return. Household items include furniture, furnishings, electronics, appliances and linens.

Guidelines for Monetary Donations To deduct any charitable donation of money, regardless of amount, a taxpayer must have a bank record or a written communication from the charity showing the name of the charity and the date and amount of the contribution. Bank records include canceled checks, bank or credit union statements

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and credit card statements. Bank or credit union statements should show the name of the charity, the date and the amount paid. Credit card statements should show the name of the charity, the date and the transaction posting date.

Donations of money include those made in cash or by check, electronic funds transfer, credit card and payroll deduction. For payroll deductions, the taxpayer should retain a pay stub, a Form W-2 wage statement or other document furnished by the employer showing the total amount withheld for charity, along with the pledge card showing the name of the charity.

Reminders To help taxpayers plan their holiday-season and year-end giving, the IRS offers the following additional reminders: • Contributions are deductible in the year made.

Thus, donations charged to a credit card before the end of 2012 count for 2012. This is true even if the credit card bill isn’t paid until 2013. Also, checks count for 2012 as long as they are mailed in 2012.

• Check that the organization is qualified. Only donations to qualified organizations are tax-deductible. Exempt Organization Select Check, a searchable online database available on IRS.gov, lists most organizations that are qualified to receive deductible contributions. In addition, churches, synagogues, temples, mosques and government agencies are eligible to receive deductible donations, even if they are not listed in the database.

• For individuals, only taxpayers who itemize their deductions on Form 1040 Schedule A can claim deductions for charitable contributions. This deduction is not available to individuals who choose the standard deduction, including anyone who files a short form (Form 1040A or 1040EZ). A taxpayer will have a tax savings only if the total itemized deductions (mortgage interest, charitable contributions, state and local taxes, etc.) exceed the standard deduction. Use the 2012 Form 1040 Schedule A to determine whether itemizing is better than claiming the standard deduction.

• For all donations of property, including clothing and household items, get from the charity, if possible, a receipt that includes the name of the charity, date of the contribution and a reasonably-detailed description of the donated property. If a donation is left at a charity’s unattended drop site, keep a written record of the donation that includes this information, as well as the fair market value of the property at the time of the donation and the method used to determine that value. Additional rules apply for a contribution of $250 or more.

• The deduction for a motor vehicle, boat or airplane donated to charity is usually limited to the gross proceeds from its sale. This rule applies if the claimed value is more than $500. Form 1098-C, or a similar statement, must be provided to the donor by the organization and attached to the donor’s tax return.

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MUSIC

Begin 2013 on a good note

By Preston Palmer Around this time of year, after the holiday madness has died down a bit, after most (or all) of the food has been eaten, the gifts have been put away and the Christmas lights and decorations (hopefully) taken down, talk turns to the New Year — that is, when all the Bowl games are over! Perhaps you might see someone in the store, your coworkers on the first day back at the office or other parents at an open house before school starts back, and the inevitable question arises: “Did you make any New Year’s resolutions?”

The temptation is great to try to wow our friends and family with lofty goals of weight loss, balanced checkbooks, trimmed hedges, clean, well-organized flowerbeds, miles to be run, sights to see or faraway places to visit. And of course, there’s nothing wrong with any of that! Often though, whether we set our sights high or low, our resolutions don’t get much farther than the watercooler.

But at the same time, there’s just something about a clean slate that appeals to us. The idea that you can remake yourself, regardless of who or what you’ve been in the past, is a very welcome idea. So maybe it isn’t so much that in the New Year you make all of these big changes, but that you ponder who you are as a person, and examine what about your life you might improve or try.

One resolution we hear often from people goes something like, “I’m finally going to learn to play that darn guitar!” or, “This is the year I dust off my drumset,” or still better, “I’m going to drag my old trumpet down from the attic — just you wait!”

Whatever the specifics, the aim is the same: people want an excuse to make music, and the start of a New Year is as good a time as any! The relatives have gone home, the house is cleaned up, school hasn’t started yet and you’ve got a couple of weeks to get into some good habits. So, why not start learning to play an instrument? Maybe you’ve wanted to for awhile, but keep telling yourself that you’ll do it later when you have more time. Problem is, later never comes!

Wouldn’t it be great in a few years to think back to the beginning of 2013 as the start of your journey as a musician? Make a resolution: This will be the year you start to make music. It might not always be easy, but we can promise you that it’s worthwhile.

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S I M P S O N R E T R E AT

room to grow UPDATE TO TEENS’ ROOM COMES AS A ‘SURPRISE’

By Rachel Parker Dickerson Photos by Courtney Spradlin When Laura Simpson decided to redecorate her teen daughters’ childhood playroom, she called on designer Bobbi Jo Gwatney to turn the room into a stylish retreat.

Simpson said her two daughters, Emily, 15, and Lacey, 13, had used the home’s bonus room as a playroom when they were smaller, but she felt it was time to give the room a pulled-together, grownup look.

“It’s their hangout room,” Simpson said.

“It was a hodge podge. Everything was incomplete, and there were a lot of things they had outgrown. I wanted to do something special for them for Christmas, since they were both teenagers now. I wanted to give it more of a teenager look — something to get them through college. I like to hang out up here too.”

Gwatney said, “The room was tan with a white ceiling. The sofa was in good shape; the fabric was just out of date. Laura wanted to make the space more feminine and playful.”

She used a custom-made, off-white slip cover as an economical solution to change the look of the sofa. Upon finding a fabric she and Simpson agreed on for accent pillows, she took inspiration from the bright green on one side. While the walls and trim in the room would be a creamy palette, she decided to paint the ceiling a snappy green.

“It’s a creamy white wall with a chili green ceiling,” Simpson said. “I love it. At first I was (uncertain), but once it was up ...

I love the contrast. When you open the windows, all you see is pine trees, because we live on a golf course. So, the green is nice.”

Gwatney added, “I wanted to house the TV and stereo equipment that was previous26 WOMEN’S INC. / FEBRUARY 2013

“They love hanging out up here now. It feels kind of glamorous to them. They do homework, work on computer stuff, hang out with their friends and watch movies.”

—Laura Simpson

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ly exposed, so Laura showed me an armoire she had.

We had it refinished, and it turned out beautiful.”

For the TV area, Gwatney chose velvety gray chairs and a sunburst mirror from Cajun Brothers and a light fixture from Hambuchen Lighting that she said “was just enough modern and bling for the girls.”

She also added a fluffy white rug for an element of comfort and texture, she said. In addition to the TV area, Gwatney created a homework area for the teens.

A partners’ desk and two unique chairs from a flea market that she reupholstered made an inviting study space.

“We had custom cork boards ordered. I painted them the same color as the wall and then painted branches in the trim color,” she said. “We had some of the girls’ artwork from when they were younger framed and hung on the wall in white mat with black frames. It was a perfect way to add color and sentiment to the room.”

Simpson said, “They love hanging out up here now. It feels kind of glamorous to them. They do homework, work on computer stuff, hang out with their friends and watch movies. They are both involved in youth groups at church and K-Life, so they have friends over a lot. We have lots and lots of sleepovers.”

With all the work going on (including having new carpet installed), Simpson was able to keep everything a surprise until Christmas Day. “About two weeks before Christmas, I told them upstairs was completely off limits. We had a big red bow on it, and they went up there on Christmas

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morning, and they loved it. It was fun keeping it a surprise, and they were good sports.”

Gwatney said, “I so much enjoyed working with the Simpsons and knowing how thrilled the girls were on Christmas morning.”

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DESIGN

The Designer Look

Great design is easy to accomplish if you know the right place to look. Every month we will take a look at a room popular on social media and show you how you can get the look right here in Central Arkansas.

Draperies Fabric Newman Pumice Magnolia Fabric Available at Warp and Woof, $38 per yard.

Paint Color: Livable Green SW6176 Sherwin Williams

Overall room photo from houzz.com

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Pendant Lights are a great way to dress up a bedroom. If you can’t live without the ceiling fan, many pendants can attach directly to a ceiling fan in place of a light kit.

Thao Quatrefoil Pendant Red Chaise Designs, $225.

Wall sconces in lieu of table lamps free up your nightstands for more space and storage.

Urban Loft Sconce Shadesoflight.com, $119.

Midcentury modern style chair Carlsburg Chair Bassett Furniture Available at Cajun Brothers and Kordsmeier Furniture, $900.

Garden Stools Discoveries Ceramic Ped Bassett Furniture Available at Cajun Brothers and Kordsmeier Furniture, $300.

Upholstered Button Tufted Headboard Skyline Furniture Red Chaise Designs, $759.

Custom Bench with Chevron Fabric Ballarddesigns.com.

Helen Lockhart is the owner of Red Chaise Designs, a full service interior design firm.

Red Chaise Designs is located in Conway, where she lives with her husband, Paul, and two children. You can reach her at: helen@ redchaise.com.

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SHOPPING

FURNITURE & DECOR ESSENTIALS Mirrored chest, $652.99. Available at Cajun Brothers.

Espresso wood color dining table with 4 chairs, padded backs and seats, $295. Available at The Furniture Consignment Place.

Turquoise blue chest with 3 drawers, $469.99. Available at Cajun Brothers

Reclaimed wood credenzas, (left) $762.99, (right) $531.99. Available at Cajun Brothers.

Two red & beige print chairs, $175 for the pair. Available at The Furniture Consignment Place.

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Beige Sofa with nail head trim, $959.99; artwork, 40x40, $246.99. Available at Cajun Brothers.

CMI beige chair, $489.99; Mayo pillow, $20; artwork, 40x50, $158.99. Available at Cajun Brothers.

Curved chenille sectional, $775; polka-dot chair, $275. Available at The Furniture Consignment Place.

Blue Bassett chair, $$439.99; artwork, 40x50, $158.99. Available at Cajun Brothers.

Durablend sectional “L� shaped, $995; club chair and matching ottoman, $425. Available at The Furniture Consignment Place.

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BEAUTY

Microcurrent: ‘The natural facelift’

By Angela Jackson What is a Microcurrent Natural Facelift?

The Microcurrent Natural Facelift is a technique that uses a safe microcurrent energy to stimulate and strengthen the muscle tissue under the skin and increase the cellular function of the fibroblasts responsible for producing collagen and elastin in the skin. With improved muscle tone and increased levels of collagen and elastin, the skin regains that “plump and youthful” look that we are after.

Why is it called a Microcurrent Natural Facelift?

We actually “lift and sculpt” the face by massaging and manipulating the facial muscles in specific positions and directing them in ways to achieve the desired antiaging results. The treatment literally lifts, smoothes, and tightens before your eyes. While the results may not be as “dramatic” as a plastic surgery procedure, we find our clients are looking for a more subtle, natural look that they can achieve painlessly and without risk of complications or the lengthy downtime required to heal from invasive procedures or surgery. Because you are “reeducating” the muscle tissue, it is critical that you receive a “series” of treatments within a specified amount of time for results to reach their maximum potential. Aging is an unstoppable process, and therefore maintenance sessions are extremely important for retaining the results achieved during the series.

How soon do I get results?

While it is entirely possible that you will see improvement after your first Microcurrent Natural Facelift session, it is much more common to begin seeing real measurable results in 3-4 sessions. Further changes will be more long-lasting as your facial “memory” is achieved and sustained at 8-10 sessions, while even more significant changes will occur after 12-15 sessions.

How many sessions are recommended for the full treatment and how often?

Most clients need a minimum of8-10 treatments to achieve a full “facelift” makeover. Clients with greater aging effects such as severe neck sagging, deep creases, or distinguished “crow’s feet” at the brow, may need up to 15 sessions. Clients need a minimum of 2 sessions for at least their first two weeks, then one per week thereafter until treatment is complete.

Those who are on a short timeline (preparing for a wedding, accepting an award, etc.) may be treated twice per week until their series is complete. After your 10 sessions, your look is maintained by receiving regular booster treatments every 4-6 weeks.

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BEFORE 1 microcurrent facial

AFTER 1 microcurrent facial

How long do the treatment sessions last?

Allow about an hour and fifteen minutes for your initial appointment, and an hour for all subsequent appointments.

How long should I expect the results to last?

Your cosmetic investment is preserved as long as you are receiving maintenance treatments every 4-6 weeks after the initial treatment span. If you stop maintenance treatments, you risk losing the muscle memory after anywhere from 3-6 months and will have to re-do the series of treatments again to regain the original youthful look.

What age range is this treatment suited for?

The Microcurrent Natural Facelift is recommended for adult clients of all ages, since it preserves and maintains the youthful elements of younger clients, and acts as a rejuvenating treatment for older clients. We find that the results are more preventative for the client in their 30’s, while clients 40 and over experience more of the benefits of rejuvenation.

Who is NOT a candidate for Microcurrent?

• If you are pregnant, • Have had heart surgery in the past year • Have a pacemaker or • Have epilepsy How is Microcurrent used for cosmetic treatment and why is it so effective?

As we age, our body loses much of its natural electrical energy, much like a battery gradually losing its charge.

On a cellular level, this leads to a breakdown of collagen and elastin in our skin, and the sagging and unevenness of texture, lines, wrinkles, and folds that become the inevitable result of aging.

Beneath the skin, certain facial muscles either sag or become increasingly contracted over years of facial expression and constant gravity, allowing the overall lift and tone of our face to decline.

Microcurrent emits subtle electrical frequencies that mimic the body’s own electrical signals, thereby increasing the amount of ATP (adenosine triphosphate, the chemical fuel of human cells) by as much as 500%. Such increased levels of ATP speed cellular metabolism, and the result is an increased detoxification process where cellular waste and impurities are more effectively eliminated. Protein synthesis and cellular membrane transport are also increased, as well as the reconstitution of collagen and elastin.

The results of these processes can be seen in improved skin tone and coloration, the reduction of fine lines and wrinkles, and the firming of sagging areas of the face and neck. Besides the increase in ATP, protein synthesis, and cellular membrane transport, clinical studies have consistently shown that Microcurrent causes the following: 35% increase in blood circulation 40% increase in Gluconeogenesis (production of new glucose) 45% increase in the number of elastin fibers in the dermis 50% increase in the length of the elastin fibers 10% increase in collagen thickness in the connective tissue 35% increase in the number of blood vessels 28% increase lymphatic drainage For appointment with Angela Jackson for microcurrent facial consultation please call Studio SKIN. Angela Jackson, owner of studio SKIN has been a licensed aesthetician for 14 years.

Angela is a member of Associated Skincare Professionals, an organization dedicated to the promotion of safe, quality skin care. Angela practiced in the Fayetteville area for over 12 years under the direct supervision of a board certified plastic surgeon. Angela has been offering skincare in the downtown Conway area for the last 3 years. She offers expertise and certifications in corrective skincare, facials, chemical peels, microdermabrasion, and make-up.

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HAVEN CHRISTMAS COFFEE

Sharon Brown, Debbie Lacy

Taylor Lancaster, Danielle Burnell

HAVEN Coffee hostesses

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Cindy Naylor, Gena Turner

Jenny Morse, Netta Schultheis, Velda Lueders

Wanda Logan, Joanne Henderson, Cheryl Bruns, Lynne Tiner

Vicky Browning, Becky Vint, Martha Bumpers, Nancy Graddy, Sondra Gordy

Cristal Lambert, Kristie Ross, April Cook, Nita Kay Freeman

Sandra Schrekenhofer, Fran Bailey

Jen Moix, Brandi Covington

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FLETCHER SMITH’S JEWELERS RAFFLE BENEFITTING HAVEN Fletcher Smith’s Jewelers sold raffle tickets during the month of December for $10 each for a chance to win a Konstantino Treasures sterling silver and 18K gold and iolite ring worth $1,200. All proceeds benefitted HAVEN house in Conway. On Christmas eve, Sherry Smith of Fletcher Smith’s Jewelers drew Tami McConnell of Conway’s name.

Fletcher Smith’s was able to present her with the ring and present Jenny Morse, director of HAVEN house, with a check for the girls that they serve here in Conway.

Cindy Windle with Fletcher Smith’s Jewelry presents a check to Jenny Morse, executive director of HAVEN, with Tami McConnell and Sherry Smith.

Sherry Smith, right, presents a Konstantino Treasures ring to Tami McConnell.

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Christmas comes early for Bethlehem House

The day that has been prayed for, dreamed of, worked toward and greatly anticipated came to pass recently. On Wednesday, Dec. 5, the campaign goal for Conway’s new homeless shelter was reached. The celebration started that night, even before the christian concert featuring Josh Wilson began.

Bethlehem House Executive Director Judi Lively was joined on stage at Woodlawn Heights Baptist Church by Johnny and Stacia Adams, who chaired the capital campaign committee.

Adams began by thanking those who worked on the capital campaign committee and those who generously donated to the campaign. Adams made special mention of, “Conway Corporation for a great gift that kicked the campaign off.”

Conway Corp. contributed the lead gift of $250,000. He also made note of the contributions of Dan Fife of Awakening Events and Woodland Heights Baptist Church who hosted the Josh Wilson concert that night.

The concert raised $10,000, which was then matched by both the Windgate Charitable Foundation and the J.E. and L.E. Mabee Foundation, thus completing the amount needed to fully fund the new shelter. Josh Wilson was also recognized for his willingness to perform free of charge.

In an earlier interview, Lively pointed out that our community with its businesses, churches and residents, has been the one building the new shelter for the homeless. She mentioned participation from smaller business such as Stoby’s and Pitza 42.

“Larger scale joint efforts have also been made like the recent Tour of Homes at the Village at Hendrix, where residents opened their homes to the public, raising $10,500 in a threeday effort, including a match of $2,500

from Modern Woodman of America.

Of course, the large matching grants from the Windgate Charitable Foundation and the J.E. and L.E. Mabee Foundation of Tulsa, Okla., were invaluable in completing this capital campaign.”

The need for a new shelter and the desire to build it have long been a dream of the Bethlehem House board.

Lively says, “For the 10 years I have been involved with the shelter, we have been talking about building this new facility. Several years ago, a serious look was taken at building a new shelter ... the time was not right.

“Then, three years ago, Bethlehem House hired Hueston Consulting to do a feasibility study. It came back cautiously favorable. After much prayer, the board decided to proceed with a fund raising campaign for the building. Johnny and Stacia Adams were asked to lead the committee. They helped put together a strong group that was instrumental in getting us to where we are today.

The plans are in place and the land has been purchased. The new property can be seen from the yard of the current shelter and will face the railroad tracks on Parkway Street. The new facility will house 35 people and will have many new features, including a larger kitchen and dining room to serve a hot nightly meal to 35-40 people in addition to the residents. Handicap accessibility will be available for the first time in the shelter. Two rooms, housing up to eight people, will be available in case of emergencies. This will be the first and only emergency shelter in Faulkner, Perry and Conway Counties. An inside play area for children will be available for the first time in the shelter. A multi-purpose room with computers for job searches and studies will be included.

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LIFE

Can I find love?

By Fran Scroggins It’s the time of year when we begin to think about Cupid’s arrows flying, flowers and chocolates. Valentine’s Day evokes thoughts and memories of love and happiness. There is nothing more beautiful or fulfilling than hearing the words, “I love you.”

Love, however, seems to be a concept that eludes many people today.

It is hard to understand why some people experience love which leads to happiness and others seem to experience it only for a brief time and then find it gone like a puff of smoke.

While certainly not qualifying as an expert in the field, I have some thoughts which I think are often true. Having happily been with the same person for nearly 36 years, however, does give me some experiences from which I can draw certain conclusions.

Individuals who can never seem to grasp onto love and hold it, frequently have not made the best choices in selecting a partner. Admittedly, I see persons after love has failed and their marriage has unraveled. I have often thought when being able to observe both, I could not see why these people chose each other since they appeared an unlikely couple in my mind.

One can never choose a spouse and make that spouse into the person you want them to be. Granted, no one is perfect and relationships based on love do require compromise — no relationship will survive making your partner into who you want them to be. Saying “I do” never transforms one individual into the person of your dreams.

Another key factor is compromise. One person can never compromise for both in a long-term successful relationship. Compromise involves day by day, or hour by hour sequences of compromise. Some compromises will be major and others will not; but there is never an end to making compromises to make the relationship work.

Don’t expect magic or unrealistic ideas of love and happiness. Not every hour of every day of every year is happy or magical. None of us live in the happily-ever-after world of the fairy tales. Instead, your relationship will be good and happy at times and difficult or unhappy at other times. Accept that as life and work toward more happy than unhappy times.

Respect the other party and try to understand your partner’s needs and wants. We often will focus on what we need in a relationship and forget that the other party has just as many needs as do we. Understanding and respecting the other person will keep your focus on your partner and hopefully their focus on you.

Accept your partner’s family and background. Those will not change.

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I frequently see couples who break up because one or the other cannot accept the other person’s parents, siblings or children. While the old adage that you do not marry the family is true, your spouse’s family and background are never separated from them either. Trying to make your partner choose between you and their family does not respect the other person’s needs.

Talk to each other about your problems, not to everyone else. While everyone else will have an opinion about the problems you and your spouse are having, to fix the problem and reach a compromise you must solve the problem with your spouse. Failing to sit down and communicate with the other person will generally lead to failure, not success.

Conflict is going to be a part of every relationship, and learn to deal with it. Look at the conflict as an opportunity to broaden your relationship instead of a conflict which can not be overcome. By looking at the problem in a different way, you can often see a solution which will otherwise elude you.

Never forget that your must communicate, not just talk and hear.

Communication entails hearing the words spoken and processing them and the nonverbal communication into a form of understanding. You cannot hear and talk at the same time. In order to communicate, you must listen from the other party’s perspective and try to understand what they mean. Remember that you must look at the words said through your spouse’s eyes and not just your own.

Never be afraid to seek professional help if your problems are more that the two of you can solve on your own. We live in an area where we are blessed to have many counselors and therapists who deal with helping people build their relationships on a daily basis.

A counselor can often help the two of you learn to communicate in an effective manner and to get over the rough spots. They will tell you as well that a relationship is something which is continually being built and that the relationship will not continue to grow if your stop building.

My hope for you is that you each have a happy Valentine’s Day and that you are able to find a true and lasting love.

Fran Scroggins is a graduate of the Bowen School of Law at UALR. She has been practicing law in Conway since 1996.Voted Best Attorney in Faulkner County by readers of the Log Cabin Democrat, Fran resides in Conway with her husband of nearly 35 years.They have five children.

BOOK REVIEW

‘Gone Girl’ by Gillian Flynn

By Susan O’Keefe I have a confession. I attended book club but hadn’t read the book. It was a first for me. Instead of commenting and engaging heavily in the conversation, which is usually my nature, I was reserved. I nodded a lot. I asked follow-up questions such as, “Why do you think the character did that?” or, “What could have been that character’s motive for their actions?” At the end of our conversation, I was thoroughly intrigued by the comments and could barely wait to get home and start reading the book. My husband was confused. “I thought your club discussed that book tonight, but you’re just now reading it?”

On the book jacket of “Gone Girl,” it says, “Marriage can be a real killer.” That is an accurate summary of the addictive psychological masterpiece written by Gillian Flynn, a New York Times bestselling author.

Even though it’s the month of love, forget “happily ever after.” There’s none of that. There is an “ever after,” but my group was troubled that this couple stayed together amidst the lying, conniving and deceiving.

It’s written in three parts: BOY LOSES GIRLS, BOY MEETS GIRL, and BOY GETS GIRL BACK (OR VICE VERSA). Although it sounds simple, it has layers of character development and inner workings that cause critics to applaud the author’s creativity.

Amy is a main character. Described as a ridiculously smart, but spoiled New York City brat, Amy’s alter ego is all sugar and spice. That cotton candy figure is the star of a line of children’s books written by Amy’s equally perfect cotton candy parents. Constantly, the real Amy complains of never being able to measure up to the perfect fictional Amy. With a profitable book business featuring Amy’s likeness, her parents hover with concern as their only child decides to leave the Big Apple for a midwest Missouri town. There, she will care for her cancer-fighting mother-in-law and attempt to revive her failing marriage. (And there’s the not-so-subtle topic of unemployment. Amy and Nick both lost their jobs as big city writers.)

Nick, Amy’s husband, is a good-looking, all-around nice guy. He’s easy going. He’s fun loving. But he’s also selfish and spineless, lest someone think he made a poor choice. (He cares about his mellow image.) Instead of making any decisions, he allows life to pull him along.

As the honeymoon period ends, Amy is offended that five years into their marriage her husband has the same carefree attitude that was once so irresistible. And just like that, he becomes unattractive to her. And she becomes boring to him. He takes a mistress. She plots

revenge. That’s when the nervous neighbor phones Nick at the bar he owns with his sister. “Your door is wide open. It looks like trouble.”

And sure enough, there is trouble. Amy is gone. She is the Gone Girl of the novel.

In a “he said/she said” type of narration, readers scrutinize both Amy’s and Nick’s points of view. From her diary, Amy reveals details that lead up to that dreadful day when she vanished. But can her diary be trusted?

Nick is wary.

An investigation ensues and, of course, the police point to Nick. Clues suggest he has killed his wife. Yet again, his blase character trait works in his favor. He argues what a pitiful suspect he makes. He insists that he doesn’t have the capacity to plan and premeditate.

But his wife does.

There’s a constant battle of the minds. Each is always trying to outdo the other. Nick predicts what Amy must be thinking as Amy tries to stay one step ahead of the game and anticipate Nick’s next move. At times, the story becomes exhausting, not enough to walk away

though. There’s definitely a draw.

One reader commented, “I thought he killed her from the very beginning. The novel surprised me completely.”

“It’s the movie Fatal Attraction in reverse! Every man should have to read this book,” commented another reader. Most of our group nodded that every married man and woman should read it.

Although it’s a thrilling novel, with Amy leaving clues buried in plain sight, it harbors a cavernous sadness. Our discussion changed course slightly as we explored what men and women really want from marriage.

No woman marries with the intent to become a nag.

Case in point: Amy declared that she was forced into the bitter role when Nick chose poker with the guys over an anniversary dinner with her. And Nick wasn’t a purposeful putz. He just intuitively followed in his father’s footsteps which led down a miserable path. There were a few moments of mutual marriage therapy as surely every spouse wants the “happily ever after” ending. But the elusive secret to make it all work ...

Whether or not Gillian Flynn wrote Nick’s character as unlikeable, I’m not sure. However, our group of gals could find nary a nice word about him. “I didn’t like Nick at all. He always took the easy way out by offering a cute smile, like that would make everything OK. He just annoyed me.”

Another reader repeatedly voiced her disgust with Nick, characterizing him as weak, weak, weak.

Perhaps the most likeable character in the novel is Nick’s twin sister, Margo, known affectionately as Go. Nick crashes at his sister’s place when his house is still a crime scene. He leans on his sister. He tells her enough to win her support, but his actions betray his words. And still, his cool ways triumph.

At the climactic point of the novel when the cops close in, readers ask themselves how well they know their own spouse. Are they a victim of the boring marriage trap? And how far would they go to rekindle the fire or extinguish it? “Gone Girl” is a sinister reminder of the good and evil capable in all of us — especially when it comes to relationships.

Susan O’Keefe is a wife to Jack, mother to four children, and eager to face the crazy, awesome, fun things God delivers daily. She and her family recently moved to Oxford, Mississippi, where Susan will continue to read and review, instruct fitness classes, and embark on this next adventure in life.

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COMMUNITY

HAVEN fundraiser set for March 7

By Rachel Parker Dickerson The second annual Macaroni and Cheese, Please! fundraising event for HAVEN (Help for Abuse Victims in Emergency Need) will be 5-7 p.m. March 7 at Conway Country Club.

The price is $10 for adults and $5 for children to sample as much mac and cheese as you can possibly desire — and then vote on the best variations.

Velda Leuders, a member of HAVEN’s board of directors, explained, “The people who pay their money to come and eat get to vote in three different categories — lunch lady, professional chef and restaurant. Last year, Ellen Smith won the lunch lady category, Conway Country Club won the personal chef category, and Panera Bread won the restaurant category. One vote separated the winner from runner up, and we counted those votes three times. It was very close.”

Leuders said the board hopes for a bigger and better event this year. She emphasized the event is open to competitors throughout Faulkner County, and not only those within Conway.

“We would love for cafeteria ladies to join us from outside the city. We’re encouraging any of the schools in the county, any of the restaurants in the county to compete.”

Among the competitors last year, she noted, “We had mac and cheese pizza from U.S. Pizza. Stoby’s was there, Oak Street Bistro was there, and Bob’s Grill was there. It was so much fun. Hendrix did a dessert mac and cheese — they brought two (dishes). You can do whatever you want — it’s your table. Some of the lunch ladies brought rolls as a side

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dish, which was a big hit.

“It was really, really well-received. The lunch lady competition was really fun. A lot of the school kids came because they wanted their school to win. It was really cute. We’re looking forward to it this year.”

Entertainment at the event will be music by Arkansas singer/songwriter Ben Coulter.

All proceeds from the event benefit HAVEN, a home for girls. Jenny Morse, executive director of the shelter, said, “We have an awesome board of directors. They’re really involved in this really fun event. Velda came up with the idea, and everyone is excited. The first year went off smoothly, and now we’re coming up with ideas to keep it growing. We try to have everything donated and very little out of pocket.”

She said fundraising is important for the nonprofit organization, as its funding sources have remained constant over the past six or seven years, but costs have risen steadily. The shelter provides a home for up to 60 girls per year, Morse said.

“With the economy, we have not seen any increase (in funding). Groceries and gasoline ... everything has increased to house children and meet their needs. Constantly, year after year, we have to keep the shelter in working order, replace furniture and replace appliances. Fundraisers help us have things on hand that we need to keep the shelter running smoothly.”

She noted HAVEN is part of Counseling Associates, and all children at the shelter receive mental health services.